Top 10 porn movies - 2010-04-05 2:12 AM
1. The Texas Vibrator Massacre
The Texas Vibrator Massacre is, hands down, the best porn film of 2008 – it’s a real movie with real characters and real acting. Despite a slightly cheesy title, it’s a serious homage to the classic horror movie of almost the same name and an original vision of what porn can be if you just try. Director Rob Rotten clearly loves his subject matter, and he goes all the way with the gore and special effects. Star Roxy DeVille turns in an award-worthy performance, not just reading lines and fucking but acting ably on top of looking great. Even if horror porn isn’t your thing, watch this movie just to see how porn ought to be made.
2. Roller Dollz
Roller Dollz, more than any other movie I saw this year, looks like it was fun to make. With a huge and hugely talented cast, Roller Dollz is a romp that takes up two discs and is worth every second. Shot in HD as a collaboration between Zero Tolerance and Adam & Eve, the story of a pair of rival roller derby queens stars Sunny Lane, Teagan Presley, Courtney Cummz, Eva Angelina, Ava Rose, Bree Olson, Kayden Kross, Penny Flame and a couple of dozen real roller derby girls, and it also has a raft of bonus features worthy of the name, not to mention a nifty box with real roller skate laces on the side.
3. Morphine
Yet another stunner from Kimberly Kane, who is a revelation both as a director and as a performer, Morphine is a moody sketch of a story, a gritty picture of addiction, despair, desperation, and transcendent punk-rock filth. If you want relevance and depth in your porn and not just standard raincoater fare, Morphine is your movie and KK is your girl. Audrey Hollander stars as an ambivalent heroine in a vivid, hyperreal snapshot of a life gone wrong. Kane and Hollander deliver character, emotion and dirty fucking for one of the year’s best porn movies.
4. Alexis Texas Is Buttwoman
Alexis Texas steps into the, um, shoes of former Buttwomen and Hall-of Famers like Belladonna, Tianna, Tiffany Mynx and ably fills the role. Alexis’ spectacular shape is just right for the Buttwoman look, and the fact that this is her first anal reminds us that the Buttwoman franchise is about quality as well as quantity. With an awesome supporting cast including Gianna Michaels and Jenna Haze, Alexis Texas is Buttwoman is a thoroughly worthy addition to the canon.
5. Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge
By any measure the most ambitious porn movie ever made, Pirates II and the Pirates franchise are both a legitimate porn blockbuster and a real phenomenon. In a time when porn is trending toward the cheap and quick, it’s good to see some effort being put into a real movie, even more so when the studio putting the effort in is Digital Playground, the single most professional and together outfit in porn today. Returning star Jesse Jane is joined by a bevy of new DP girls as well as the cream of the Adam & Eve stable – Katsuni, Sasha Grey, Stoya, Shay Jordan, Brea Lynn and Gabriella Fox round out a huge cast in a huge movie.
6. Belladonna’s Manhandled #3
Everything Belladonna does is extreme and she puts everything she has into every single release, so picking one title for the best of the year is more a matter of picking one to represent her entire body of work. This one is as good as anything she’s done and better, with great performances from Kimberly Kane, Brianna Love, Harmony, and Bella herself, and an absolutely incendiary scene from Gianna Michaels and Steve Holmes.
7. The Accidental Hooker
The best twist ending of the year, bar none. Kaylani Lei stars in the story of a nice girl who falls into the world of high-class escorting. Her tale, as told to a documentary crew, is dark and moody in the standard Wicked style – well-shot and great couples fare, with good acting and increasingly dirty sex. This one, starring Kaylani and a good backup cast including Mikayla Mendez, Shyla Stylez and Jennifer Dark, is a real movie. Pay attention.
8.Casey Parker’s California Dreamin’
Casey Parker, the bright and shiny face of Shane’s World, is always fun to watch, and never more than when she’s having whatever kind of fun she wants to have. This gonzo gem, following Casey as she jaunts up and down the Golden State in search of fun of varying stripes, is almost as enjoyable to watch as it must have been to make. Smart enough to be interesting but dumb enough to go ahead and do anything that pops into her head, Casey Parker is the ultimate girl next door. She’s like a fun-having machine.
9. Cry Wolf
You hear a lot of talk about double-crossing, blackmail, mystery, trust and mistrust on porn boxcovers, but it’s pretty rare for anyone really to put the effort into making a good movie that has all those elements; Cry Wolf does it. The ordinarily incoherent Paul Thomas’ name is on the box, but the movie is well-written, cohesively scripted and acted, and contains great performances from all concerned, especially Monique Alexander, who manages to be coquettish, sweet and aggressive by turns, and Marcos Leon, who plays a confused, vulnerable former child star to perfection. Steven St. Croix tops off the male talent as a brutal but reasonable drug kingpin, and a fine cast of hotties rounds it out.
10. Babysitters
Robby D. puts everything he has into this in-every-way overloaded blockbuster. Every cliché about babysitters you can think of is lampooned here, and the fantastic cast of DP contract girls an assorted extra talent carries it home. Robby D. is a genius at taking the joke too far, far enough that it dies and is gloriously resurrected to be further abused, and while that certainly happens here, it’s not the main reason to watch. That honor goes to Jesse Jane, Sasha Grey, Nautica Thorn, Shay Jordan, and Teagan Presley as the Babysitters, and they’re backstopped by Sophia Santi, Nikki Benz, Gina Lynn, Sammie Rhodes, Alektra Blue and more. The best studio in porn hits a home run with this romp.
The Texas Vibrator Massacre is, hands down, the best porn film of 2008 – it’s a real movie with real characters and real acting. Despite a slightly cheesy title, it’s a serious homage to the classic horror movie of almost the same name and an original vision of what porn can be if you just try. Director Rob Rotten clearly loves his subject matter, and he goes all the way with the gore and special effects. Star Roxy DeVille turns in an award-worthy performance, not just reading lines and fucking but acting ably on top of looking great. Even if horror porn isn’t your thing, watch this movie just to see how porn ought to be made.
2. Roller Dollz
Roller Dollz, more than any other movie I saw this year, looks like it was fun to make. With a huge and hugely talented cast, Roller Dollz is a romp that takes up two discs and is worth every second. Shot in HD as a collaboration between Zero Tolerance and Adam & Eve, the story of a pair of rival roller derby queens stars Sunny Lane, Teagan Presley, Courtney Cummz, Eva Angelina, Ava Rose, Bree Olson, Kayden Kross, Penny Flame and a couple of dozen real roller derby girls, and it also has a raft of bonus features worthy of the name, not to mention a nifty box with real roller skate laces on the side.
3. Morphine
Yet another stunner from Kimberly Kane, who is a revelation both as a director and as a performer, Morphine is a moody sketch of a story, a gritty picture of addiction, despair, desperation, and transcendent punk-rock filth. If you want relevance and depth in your porn and not just standard raincoater fare, Morphine is your movie and KK is your girl. Audrey Hollander stars as an ambivalent heroine in a vivid, hyperreal snapshot of a life gone wrong. Kane and Hollander deliver character, emotion and dirty fucking for one of the year’s best porn movies.
4. Alexis Texas Is Buttwoman
Alexis Texas steps into the, um, shoes of former Buttwomen and Hall-of Famers like Belladonna, Tianna, Tiffany Mynx and ably fills the role. Alexis’ spectacular shape is just right for the Buttwoman look, and the fact that this is her first anal reminds us that the Buttwoman franchise is about quality as well as quantity. With an awesome supporting cast including Gianna Michaels and Jenna Haze, Alexis Texas is Buttwoman is a thoroughly worthy addition to the canon.
5. Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge
By any measure the most ambitious porn movie ever made, Pirates II and the Pirates franchise are both a legitimate porn blockbuster and a real phenomenon. In a time when porn is trending toward the cheap and quick, it’s good to see some effort being put into a real movie, even more so when the studio putting the effort in is Digital Playground, the single most professional and together outfit in porn today. Returning star Jesse Jane is joined by a bevy of new DP girls as well as the cream of the Adam & Eve stable – Katsuni, Sasha Grey, Stoya, Shay Jordan, Brea Lynn and Gabriella Fox round out a huge cast in a huge movie.
6. Belladonna’s Manhandled #3
Everything Belladonna does is extreme and she puts everything she has into every single release, so picking one title for the best of the year is more a matter of picking one to represent her entire body of work. This one is as good as anything she’s done and better, with great performances from Kimberly Kane, Brianna Love, Harmony, and Bella herself, and an absolutely incendiary scene from Gianna Michaels and Steve Holmes.
7. The Accidental Hooker
The best twist ending of the year, bar none. Kaylani Lei stars in the story of a nice girl who falls into the world of high-class escorting. Her tale, as told to a documentary crew, is dark and moody in the standard Wicked style – well-shot and great couples fare, with good acting and increasingly dirty sex. This one, starring Kaylani and a good backup cast including Mikayla Mendez, Shyla Stylez and Jennifer Dark, is a real movie. Pay attention.
8.Casey Parker’s California Dreamin’
Casey Parker, the bright and shiny face of Shane’s World, is always fun to watch, and never more than when she’s having whatever kind of fun she wants to have. This gonzo gem, following Casey as she jaunts up and down the Golden State in search of fun of varying stripes, is almost as enjoyable to watch as it must have been to make. Smart enough to be interesting but dumb enough to go ahead and do anything that pops into her head, Casey Parker is the ultimate girl next door. She’s like a fun-having machine.
9. Cry Wolf
You hear a lot of talk about double-crossing, blackmail, mystery, trust and mistrust on porn boxcovers, but it’s pretty rare for anyone really to put the effort into making a good movie that has all those elements; Cry Wolf does it. The ordinarily incoherent Paul Thomas’ name is on the box, but the movie is well-written, cohesively scripted and acted, and contains great performances from all concerned, especially Monique Alexander, who manages to be coquettish, sweet and aggressive by turns, and Marcos Leon, who plays a confused, vulnerable former child star to perfection. Steven St. Croix tops off the male talent as a brutal but reasonable drug kingpin, and a fine cast of hotties rounds it out.
10. Babysitters
Robby D. puts everything he has into this in-every-way overloaded blockbuster. Every cliché about babysitters you can think of is lampooned here, and the fantastic cast of DP contract girls an assorted extra talent carries it home. Robby D. is a genius at taking the joke too far, far enough that it dies and is gloriously resurrected to be further abused, and while that certainly happens here, it’s not the main reason to watch. That honor goes to Jesse Jane, Sasha Grey, Nautica Thorn, Shay Jordan, and Teagan Presley as the Babysitters, and they’re backstopped by Sophia Santi, Nikki Benz, Gina Lynn, Sammie Rhodes, Alektra Blue and more. The best studio in porn hits a home run with this romp.