There's a nice campaign going on to save current UK Big Brother contestant Jon Tickle, king of the geeks.
People of Earth, your attention please! People of Earth, your attention please!
In the census of 2001, a young data strategy manager from Norwich listed his
religion as "Jedi". That man was ex-Blockbusters
contestant Jon Tickle, and right now he needs your help to bring harmony to a
troubled galaxy. Only you can save mankind!
UK viewers will no doubt be aware of Jon as the amiable "geek" contestant in Big
Brother. This week (ending Friday 13th June 2003)
Jon is up for eviction at the mercy of the public vote, against thunder goblin
Sissy and serial task-bungler Federico.
Our appeal is simple - harness the power of Geeks everywhere to save Jon this
week. It worked for the Census - 390,000 Jedis were
proud to mark their affiliation to Yoda on their Census forms, far in excess of
many genuine minority religions - and it will work
for Jon. That census demonstrated something which up to then had been hitherto
unsuspected - that when geeks get together they
possess a Force to be reckoned with.
It doesn't matter whether you watch Big Brother or not - it only matters that
you are the type of person who would be amused if this
year Big Brother was won by someone who knows what a Googolplex is without
needing a friend to cough at the right answer. Please
help Keep the Geek - even if it's just for laughs because it'll wind up the
rest.
If you're not even in the UK at all and don't have a clue who Jon Tickle is -
all you need know is this: Imagine if they put
Dilbert into Big Brother. That's right - it WOULD be funny. D'you think you
could help us out here?
Some Jon facts:
* Jon's luxury items brought into the house were: black bin liners and comedy
breasts. He used the bin liners to invent a
solar-powered pool heater for the swimming pool. It remains to be seen what he
will invent with the comedy breasts - our guess is
some sort of communications device.
* Jon can play the oboe. Hey, can *YOU* play the oboe? Thought not. Jon can,
though.
* Jon has a mathematical theory about how to pick the ideal girlfriend, which
involves statistically sampling them on conveyor
belts. Like many theories however it appears to be thus far unproven.
* Jon is Mr Tickle. Which in itself, is reason enough to keep him in. Roger
Hargreaves would be proud.
* Jon has a Mac and an iPod, and uses emulators. He is therefore Geek
personified.
* Jon's hockey shirt reads "Tickle - chosen by God, loved by women". His twin
Phil has one too.
* Jon is an avid Lord of the Rings fan, and also closely follows the Star Wars
books post-"Return Of the Jedi". Han Solo continues
to be quite an important person in the galaxy, although sadly, Chewbacca dies.
More reasons to consider:
* If Jon wins the bookies will sweat actual blood. In the first few days you
could get astronomical odds against Jon winning, and
it will be a cold, cold Christmas at the betting-shop owners' houses if they
have to pay out those long odds.
* A surge in the Geek Vote will send TV executives scurrying to up the tech
quotient of their programming. That means more shows
like Scrapheap Challenge! Yay!
* The voting turnout so far has actually been pretty low, so there's even more
chance that you can make a difference.
* Jon's special girl pal Mary is hot. It may seem like a lame reason to you,
but personally I'd like to see her doing more appeals
on breakfast shows.
What you need to do:
* Forward this mail to all your geek friends. But NOT if the date's LATER than
Friday 13th June, because that's the last day of
voting! Oh, and not if you've actually received the mail from them, too. With
luck, we can get this mail in every in-box on God's
Green Internet.
* Vote out Sissy. There are three people up for eviction, but to SAVE Jon you
need to ensure you don't split the pro-Jon vote
against his two rivals - so we arbitrarily pick Sissy, because Federico's
catastrophic bungling is at least funny to watch. Sissy
is like the Sprite Goblin - not refreshing.
* Help sway the teen vote by subverting the Children's BBC's Newsround poll -
vote Jon here:
