RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Writer's Block JLR: The Convention Adventure

Meanwhile at Chant´s secret lair where the mailmaster of mayhem is working on the Chantmobile!! (a yellow postman bicycle actually)

Chant: I have grown tired of this behind the scene manipulation, I must have action, I must reinvent the papergolem, or perhaps rebuild my army of evil postal worker minions!!!

Narrator: Just then a couple of wires touch eachother and erupts into a huge explosion causing a rent in the time/space Continuum!!
Out of this comes two lightning bolts, one black and one white, the black on strikes the floor turning into an as yet undisclosed form, and the white one strikes Chant in the head......

A couple of seconds later!!

Chant: what was that? I feel like 10 blacksmiths are using my head as an anvil! who am I, what am I, am I a Postman??
No, all this equipment, all these weapons, I must, I must be a SUPERHERO, placed on this world to battle against the evil and wicked and the stupendously stupid people!!

Narrator: The black bolt has turned into an incredible beautiful lady with a wicked look in her eyes

EvilGoddess: I am, in the real world, or as real as it gets!! A new world to wreack havoc upon, I´m free to kill all the little puny humans to do a......

Narrator: At that moment the EvilGoddess is struck behind the head and knocked to the ground by Chant, the Superhero whilst he strikes an impressive (or something akin to it) pose

Chant: Nay I say woman, hey, that rhymes! I Chant fighter for freedom and defender of the righteous shall defe.......

Narrator: Just then the EvilGoddess kicks Chant in the groin who buckles over in pain undescripable!!

EvilGoddess: goodbye little man, we shall not meet again, I shall find enemies of real mettle to test my powers against!!!

Narrator: She leaves, leaving Chant lying on the floor writhing in pain!!

Will Chant ever regain his memory?
Is the EvilGoddess really a goddess?
and why does a realistic way of avoiding taxes not exist?
read more some other time!

California.
Twenty-nine minutes after the party.
The roads are congested and it shows no signs of abating. I'll have to find an alternate means if I'm to meet Brian. First, to account for his friends...

Bruce: There's no need for a cab. (Turns to Alfred) Alfred, take
Jackie and her friends back to their hotel. I have another matter to attend to.

Alfred: Yes, Master Bruce. (opens the back door of a Bentley limosuine) To which hotel shall I be transporting you and your companions, Miss Jackie?

(Bruce walks off while making a telepathic call. He is not surprised by the quick response time.)

I'm here.
I need your assistance.
In what matter?

The Wyndham Palace Hotel.
A prime choice for a vacation spot. Or in the case of its rooftop, a superhero rendezvous. My one-time associate materializes from thin air. Literally.

Bruce: What do you call that?

Brian: Instant Transmission Technique. Apparently, this isn't the first Wyndham Palace roof I've been on.

Bruce: I've taken the liberty of inviting someone who can provide further information as to the nature of your trauma.

Brian: J'onn?

J'onn: A title reserved for friends and allies.

Brian: I'd fall under both categories.

J'onn: So Bruce has told me. I understand you've suffered memory loss.

Brian: Yes. Not that I'm a complete Tabula Rasa, just that I can't piece together the memories I have.

J'onn: Let's start with restoring your memory. Are you...resisting my probe?

Brian: No.

J'onn: Strange. I usually don't encounter this difficulty when dealing with non-telepathic minds...Now for a test. What is your full name.

Brian: Brian Alexander Ortiz...I...remember...I remember everything...

J'onn: Not everything. I was able to restore basic knowledge of your identity, but there are still rough areas.

Brian: So then I've regained knowledge of who I am, yet pieces of my past are still unbeknownst to me.

J'onn: I'm afraid more than your memory has been impaired.

(Brian and Bruce eye J'onn curiously.)

J'onn: The neurological damage caused by the trauma has resulted in the development of a mild learning disability. Its nature is unclear to me, but it is not what concerns me at the moment. Brian, have you felt paranoid at times? As though you were constantly being watched?

Brian: Yes...

J'onn: You are. There is another presence in your mind. Though it is apparently benign, I could not penetrate its consciousness.

Bruce: Benign?

J'onn: It's formed a protective barrier around his subconscious. It would most likely expand over his entire mind in the event of an attack.

Bruce: Subsequently limiting access to his memory.

J'onn: Indeed.

Brian: Let's not forget the learning disability.

Bruce: It doesn't make you any less human, Brian. There are avenues with which to cope with it. We'll continue discussing this later. In the meantime, rest and focus on your match.

Brian: I'm been matched up with Tim, you know.

Bruce: From what I've heard, you wouldn't flinch against Kon-El.

Brian: Probably more than a match. He doesn't seem too big on strategy.

With another squeak of air--
He disappears again.

The same can not be said of his ordeals...

But on a more serious note...

Tuesday 11:57 PM.

AGW's "Chateau of Love" (Room 134 of the only available Motel in town)

Alice: It was really nice of you--

Beatrice: --to get this hotel room for us. Teehee.

A: It's really weird that they had this one last room left. Teehee.

B: Everyone else is booked. Teehee.

A: And this room only has one bed.

A and B: Teehee.

AGW: .

A: So tell us about the Britannica's weaknesses again?

AGW: Well, I don't know if I should do--

B: And could you be a dear and speak clearly into the tape recorder?

AGW: Well, ladies, see the thing is we superheroes don't usually go talking about our--

A [whispering into AGW's ear]: You know, talking about weaknesses makes me feel so...

B [whispering into AGW's other ear]: Me too.

A: Why don't you take off that handsome purple tux?

AGW: . WellBritannica'sweaknessesareasfollows...

11:58 and 12 seconds...

B: Wow! So that's how you found out Britannica's weakness?

AGW: Yep. We never did fix that hole in the roof.

A and B: Teehee.

[Suddenly the phone rings]

AGW: Hello...

LM: AGW, glad I found you. Listen, you've gotta come back to the hotel.

AGW: What? La Machine? How'd you find me? No one's supposed to know I'm here!

LM: Well, I'd tell ya, but I don't think we should bog down an already long post with such details.

AGW: This is true.

LM: Anyway, Vanessa's holding a press conference and telling the world that she's the mother of your unborn love-child!

AGW: At this time of night?

LM: What can I say?

AGW and LM: Women!

AGW: Well, didn't she read my post on the last page?

LM: Apparently not. Listen, there should be a portal in the closet of your motel room. It should get you to the conference room.

AGW [jumps out of bed and throws on his handsome, purple tux]: Thanks man.

LM: Hey no problem, guy.

11:59 PM.

AGW rushes into the closet and closes the door behind him. Suddenly there is a knock on the front door...

11:59 and 5 seconds...

Front door: Knock, knock, knock.

... and Beatrice answers it.

B: Hey weren't you just--

La Machine runs to the closet and locks the door.

11:59 and 20 seconds

AGW [from inside the closet]: Hey, is anyone out there? The door seems to be stuck.

LM [joining the ladies on the bed]: So ladies, did you know that when the Nets are having a good winning streak, I can reach Mach 2?

A: Really?

AGW [still inside the closet :lol: ]: Hello? I can hear you out there La Machine!

B: Well, I guess we got enough information for the boss. No reason we can't have a little fun.

Closet door: Blam, blam, blam.

LM: What? What boss?

A: She means that she packed enough dental floss.

A and B: Teehee.

LM: Ohhhh.

Midnight... Wednesday...

AGW: I swear, La Machine, when we get back to the barn...

Inside the closet: POOF!

12:00 and 7 seconds

The Barn of Justice

AGW [one foot in a bucket of Donkey feed]: New rasafrasin' powers! Should come with a warning ...

[ 04-07-2003, 09:48 AM: Message edited by: AGW ]

AGW frees his foot from Napoleon's feed bucket. Napoleon is fixated by the "feed" on AGW's foot.
Napoleon: Eeyoh!
AGW: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry I spoiled your dinner.
Napoleon becomes alarmed when the "feed" begins to move...
Napoleon: EEYOH!
AGW: Look, I'm sorry I stepped in your feed, alright? I'll get you some more when--
Hey--what the
(AGW is tossed across the barn by whatever was on his foot. It gathers into the form of...
AGW: Venom?
LM: Venom.
AGW: We do have a sonic gun, right?
LM: uh... ...No.
AGW: So we're at the mercy of a sociopathic symbiote.
LM: Yep.
AGW: Any way to start a fire?
LM: None that I can see.
AGW: Looks like I won't get to kill you after all.

The roof of the Hard Nights Motel(actually, floating fifty feet above it).

Ever since I rejoined the JLR, I've spent my free moments attempting to regain my memory. Now I have it back and suddenly the rats are the least of my problems. I know who I am, but sooner or later the telepathic leech closing off my subconscious may sanction off all of my memories. It's already started with my emotions, it may only be a matter of time before--Nevermind. I have to look at the bright side of all of this...no romantic interests=no girl troubles.

"Hi there."

Or is it trouble waiting to happen?

"Starfire."

"You can call me Kory. And you could look at me while we're talking." (Although the rear view is quite nice... )

"I heard that."

Koriand'r. Starfire. Princess of Tamarnan and (sometimes hotheaded) member of the Titans. Other aliases/nicknames include Kory Anders and "Bubble Bod." (The latter would certainly explain the success of her modeling career.) Turning around to face her and her bare midriff would turn most men into a puddle of unrecquainted lust.

"How's this?"

"Better."

"Better than the 'rear view?'"

"Just as good. What are you doing hovering over this motel?"

"My team is staying here."

"An exercise in team bonding?"

"No, we let La Machine pick because he posted first . Next time, we designate someone else to pick the hotel."

:lol:

"Glad you think it's funny. The first night our room was overrun by rats."

"Rats? If they'd gotten in my hair..."

"They got into La Machine's hair."

?!

"Let's just say he didn't enjoy it."

"So what do you enjoy?"

"I don't think we should be discussing my interests."

"You're right."

I don't see what the fansites were talking about. She's a very reasonable person.

"We shouldn't be discussing anything at all..."

Her hoarse tone of voice is actually alluring...As is the warm comfort of her body pressing against mine. The pressure of her lips against my cheek suggest she wants something more between us. But if anyone's learned from AGW's situation with Vanessa, it's me...

"We shouldn't do this."

Flirt, Ortiz. Don't chance infuriating her.

"Not while the tournament's still going on."

That was sad. I may have to fend her off long enough for the--

"Good enough...For now."

(Starfire releases her hold on Brian. She blows him a kiss before he uses the Instant Transmission technique to get away from her.)

So that's Starfire.

(sigh)

She reminds me of a girl that I once knew...

LM: Well, is he the Marvel Universe Venom, or Ultimate Venom?

AGW [barely dodging an airborne refridgerator]: What difference does that make?

LM: The Marvel Universe Venom is susceptible to ultra-high frequency sound, while Ultimate Venom's weekness is high-voltage electricity.

AGW [side-stepping an airborne washing-machine]: ...

LM [narrowly escaping an airborne spatula]: What?

AGW: You've been in my comic book stack again, haven't you?

LM [avoiding an apple]: .

AGW: Well, I couldn't tell you which one he--

Suddenly, Venom's mouth opens even wider than usual and a man's head pokes out.

Eddie Brock: Must... destroy... Peter Parker...

LM: Well, that settles that. It's definitely the Marvel Universe Venom.

AGW [as a couch whizzes by]: Hey, have you noticed that Venom is throwing much bigger stuff at me than he is at you?

LM [avoiding a wooden spoon]: Why whatever do you mean?

AGW [dodges a high-velocity dish washing unit]: Look, I can't take much more of this (and neither can the kitchen). Any ideas!

LM: Wait, I think I have an idea ! Keep Venom busy.

AGW: What? Why can't you keep him busy?

LM: Because it's MY idea.

AGW: Not fair! Why can't I have an idea ?

With the speed of ten Nets players, LM heads upstairs.

AGW: ... So, Venom.... Still haven't defeated Spider-man, eh?

Venom: !!!!!

AGW [narrowly escaping an angry Venom]: !!!!!

Just in time, LM returns with a videotape marked "Barney and Friends." Then, with the precision of ten Nets players, LM throws the tape into the VCR amd hits play.

CJ and Harpy appear on the screen. They're in a kitchen gyrating their hips and apparently screaming at the top of their lungs.

AGW [on his back, underneath a still-angry Venom]: Hey, ummm... not to rush you or anything, but if you've got something NOW MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO USE IT.

LM: Don't rush me! I just hope I don't ruin the speakers.

And with that, LM cranks up the volume to full blast.

The noise is indescribable and Venom's body spasms uncontrollably. In a matter of moments, he's in the fetal position.

AGW [grabs Venom's arm]: I wish we were on the moon!

POOF!

Thirty seconds later.

POOF! (again)

LM: What took you so long?

AGW: Ever tried saying "I wish I was back at the barn" with no oxygen?

LM: Point. Well, look at the huge mess Venom made.

AGW: Forget that! That singing was just awful! How'd you get a tape of Harpy and CJ, anyway.

LM: Oh, we installed security cameras everywhere waaaaay before they moved over there.

AGW: Everywhere?

LM: Everywhere !

AGW: Well, you should know better than to invade people's privacy like that!

LM: Sorry .

AGW [stuffing the tape in his jacket pocket for laterr]: Back to the mess, though, you really should clean this up.

LM: Me? I ain't cleaning this up.

AGW: Well, this isn't my fault.

LM and AGW: ....

AGW: I won't tell if you won't.

LM: Deal!

AGW: I wish we were far from this dump.

POOF!

The Hard Nights Motel.

While not the most comfortable accomodations, I've been trained to adapt to changing situations. In recent hours, I've reacquired my memory, re-established ties with Bruce Wayne and remember that even though I finished my Masterpieces of Literature paper, I don't recall handing it in. That problem takes a backseat to what is apparently--

Britannica: You're rather deep in thought.

(young) Nightwing: --A telepathic parasite incubating within my subconscious.

Britannica & Cowgirl Jack: WHAT?!?

(y)N: (Guess I finished that thought out loud.)
I wanted to discuss it with you in another minute anyway. It's acting as a barrier, blocking access to some of my memories. J'onn confirmed it after telepathically helping me cope with the double interdimensional transport.

CJ: J'onn? As in the Martian Manhunter?

Brit: When did you meet?

(y)N: When I was seven. That's when I met a friend who could hop dimensions in her sleep--literally. We made a lot of friends that way.

Brit: When you were seven? How do you remember--

(y)N: J'onn restored most of my memory.

(AGW and La Machine appear in a puff of smoke. La Machine is covered in snow.)

LM: Hey guys! We just beat Venom!

AGW: I'm beat. When's bedtime.

LM: Could somebody turn down the AC? It's cold in here.

CJ: It's not the AC that's making you cold.

AGW: I told you not to play in the snow!

LM: I wasn't playing! I was looking for Santa Claus!

AGW (turning back to the rest of the JLR): After the fight, I wished to be far away from Venom. Imagine my surprise when "far away" turned out to be the North Pole. I would have been here sooner, if Hunter there didn't have to go looking for Kris Kringle.

LM: Well, you can't just go barging onto people's property without saying hello! Besides, look at what he's done for all the good little boys and girls of the world!

The rest of the JLR:

(y)N: Let's get some sleep. we have a match tomorrow. La Machine, go clean yourself off in the shower.

CJ: I still can't believe J'onn restored your memory.

(y)N: Thanks in part to Bruce. After all, what are...friends for?

(Across the street a bandaged man in a trenchcoat is watching the JLR through binoculars).

Bandaged Man (whispering): What are...friends for? :lol:

((young) Nightwing opens the window.)

(y)N (To Bandaged Man): WRONG STORYLINE! GO BACK TO THE DCU!

Bandaged Man (whispering): sorry...

The next day...

Reggie, the Official Looking Official: Ah, finally, the JLR! We were beginning to think you'd never make it to the battles.

Brit: Frankly, Reginald Farquhart-Sindgeon-Smyth-Jones, we were wondering the same.

ROLO: Well, your first match starts in five minutes. You'll be battling Young Justice, of course. Now, there's no need to worry about being at a disadvantage--

JLR: :lol:

ROLO: What?

Ace: Sorry. Could have sworn you just said we're at a disadvantage.

ROLO: Well, you are. You see, the team rosters are unevenly numbered. You have nine members (Ace, Harpy, Cowgirl Jack, La Machine, Britannica, Any Given Wednesday, Dun-Like-Dinner, Registered Member 552, and (young) Nightwing) while Young Justice has ten
(Robin III, Impulse, Superboy, Wonder Girl II, Secret, Arrowette, Empress, Slobo, The Ray, and Red Tornado).

Dun-Like-Dinner: Thanks for the roll call, but we'll be ok with--

XXXXX: Have no fear...

JLR:

XXXXX: The newest member of the JLR is here!

Narrator: Who is this new member?
Will the face of the JLR be changed forever?
Why is AGW still wearing that purple tux?
Find out next post!

The JLR arm themselves and strike their fighting poses.

Dun-Like-Dinner: Chant, what're you doing here?

Chant: I've come to join the JLR in their never-ending battle against evil and tyranny, of course!

The JLR relax their poses.

Ace: But you're evil and tyranny.

The JLR re-strike their poses.

Chant: What're you talking about? I'm Chant, the Sworn Savior of...

JLR: .

Chant: Stamps.

JLR:

(young) Nightwing [whispering into LM's ear]: J'onn detects no malice or trickery from Chant. The postmaster's intentions seem noble.

LM: J'onn told you?

(young): He's invisible.

LM: Ohhhhh...

Reggie: Umm... is Mr. Chant a member of your team.

LM: Yes, he is.

JLR:

LM: He's a member of the team... for now. Chant's skills may actually prove useful, and besides, I'm still the leader so what I say goes .

Reggie: Well this is all very unorthodox, but I suppose we can allow it since it won't change your roster for the first fight.

JLR: still.

Reggie: You see, the maximum number of participants allowed in any battle is five. Since both teams possess more than five members, the fight rosters have been chosen at random.

Dun-Like-Dinner: Well, who's fighting?

Reggie: Robin, Impulse, Superboy, Empress, and Wondergirl versus Britannica, Harpy, Ace, Any Given Wednesday, and (young) Nightwing.

Dun-Like-Dinner: Well, that not--

Reggie: Oh, and your fight starts in 45 seconds.

JLR: Crap!

DLD: Well, good luck guys. By the way, why ARE you still wearing that tux, AGW?

AGW [shrugs]: Ummmmm, well you see it's very simple--

Somewhere else, both staring through THEIR OWN pairs of binoculars.

Alice: This is not good.

Beatrix: Not good at all.

Narrator:
Even with their newest member, the JLR find their numbers suddenly cut in half. Can these five heroes of the JLR defeat some of Young Justice's most powerful members?
Find out next post!

Alice: You think this is all part of Chant's plan?

Beatrix: I dunno, I---

Suddenly, a man runs in holding a electronic doohickey.

Bill Clinton: Some sorta super being's taken over Chant. He really does think he's a good guy.

A and B: Who're you?

Bill: I'm Bill Clinton. I'm the ex-President but now I'm working for Chant.

A and B:

Bill: Well, Hillary's only a Senator. Big money cut for the family, believe me.

A and B:

Plus Chelsey's an expensive girl to maintain, ya know. With all those boys are her.

A and B:

Bill: Ok, so no boys will even touch her. Look, DON'T JUDGE ME!!

A and B:

Bill: Well, Chant gave me this electronic thingie and told me to use it to find you two if anything ever went wrong. Who are you, anyways?

Alice: Alice

Beatrice: And Beatrix. We work for Chant.

Bill: Really? Like interns?

Alice and Beatrix look at each other.

Alice: I guess so.

Bill: You know, ladies, I play the sex, I mean sax ...

Beatrix: Really ?

Reggie: You have twenty seconds.

JLR: Crap again!

AGW, Brit, (young), Harpy, and Ace scramble to the arena while the rest of the JLR head to the stands.

Brit: Well, this is it, guys. Our first cross-team battle.

Harpy: Harpy no feel good. Harpy stomach hurt.

Brit: Harpy this is no time to get cold feet!

Harpy: Caw ...

AGW: So... uuhhh... how are we gonna beat these guys?

Brit: Well, I'm working on that.

AGW and Ace: .

Announcer: And in this corner, the one, the only JUSTICE LEAGUE REALITY!!!

And five people in the crowd cheer.

The doors open and the spotlight pans over. The JLR walk out into the arena, stop in their place, and strike poses.

Suddenly, the spotlight turns off, and the arena lights all come back on. There, across the floor space are Robin III, Impulse, Superboy, Wondergirl II, and Empress all primed for battle.

Announcer: Let's get ready to RUUUUUUUUMMMMMMBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

The bell rings and immediately Superboy and (young) take to the air and charge. Brit pulls out his Britannerang and aims for Robin, while Ace throws a flurry of cards in Impulse's direction. Empress disappears and Wondergirl leaps for Harpy.

Empress reappears behind AGW and tackles him to the ground. Superboy lands a tactile telekinesis-powered punch square in (young)'s right jaw. Impulse barely dodges Ace's cards and nearly trips over himself before wrapping Ace's own coat around him. Robin deflects Brit's Britannerang with his Batterang and sends it flying back at our hero.

AGW: As much as I like a woman who goes after what she wants, you're ruining my tux. Now I'm going over there.

POOF!

Britannica catches the Britannerang just before it can clock him in the head. Robin whistles and suddenly, the Super Cycle flies into the frey, nearly running over Brit

DLD: Hey, that's not fair. You said five members max per team.

Reggie: Sorry, but the Super Cycle is technically not a member of YJ. He's classified a weapon, and therefore, as usuable as Britannica's Briterang.

552: Britannerang.

Reggie: Right! Britennang.

Robin jumps on the cycle and charges for Brit, while Empress teleports after AGW, narrowly avoiding getting between Harpy and Wondergirl who are aggressively punching, kicking, and pulling at each other's hair.

Impulse stands triumphantly over a bound Ace.

Impulse: You're okay, right? I didn't hurt ya, did I?

Ace: Nah. Could ya do me a favor, though?

Impulse: What's that?

Ace: Could you pull this Queen of Hearts card out of my left jacket pocket. It's chafing.

Impulse: I dunno.

Ace: It's just a card.

Impulse: Okay, but don't try anything funny.

Meanwhile, Brit jumps out of the Super Cycle's way just in time to throw his Britannerang into it's tailpipe. The Cycle bucks, throws Robin off, and crashes. Luckily for Robin, he knows how to fall and tumble. Unluckily, however, he loses sight of his staff and Batterang. Soon both combatants are on their feet.

Superboy gets another shot off. This time it's a knee to (young)'s six-pack stomach, and the warrior buckles.

Superboy: This is for last night!

(young) gets a hard elbow to the back, sending him falling to the ground.

Harpy: Caw! Harpy eat fake blonde!

Wondergirl: Not in this lifetime, girlfriend.

Wondergirl's punch hits Harpy right in the chin and she tumbles backward in the air.

BOOM!

Impulse staggers back, the smoke burning his eyes.

Impulse: Aaah! Your Queen of Hearts blew up in my face!

Ace [finally freeing himself]: Yeah. That's a "Bitch," ain't it.

Empress pulls out a knife and slashes at AGW who disappears just in time. He reappears behind her and cocks her mask, blinding her. She's ready for him, though.

Empress: Sit down!

Unable to stop himself, AGW sits on the ground with his legs crossed. Empress realigns her mask.

Empress: Now bark like a dog!

AGW: Woof! Woof!

DLD [from the stand]: How embarassing.

Robin charges toward Brit and the punches fly. Sadly, the well trained Robin quickly gets the upper hand and pins Brit down.

Brit: Wait!

Robin: You've got to be kidding.

Brit: No, I'm not. Just one thing before you punch me.

Robin: What?

Brit:

S

P

O

I

L

E

R


A

L

E

R

T

!

Robin: Spoiler? Where? Does my hair look ok? I didn't know Stephanie would be here!

Wham!

Robin falls on his face. He scurries to his feet but is obviously dazed.

Britannica then commences to beat Robin senseless... Adam West style!

Bam! Wham!! Pow!

And Robin is down for the count.

CJ [from inside Harpy's head]: Something's wrong with Harpy's stomach and now we're losing this fight. Gotta do something.

Wondergirl lands another punch.

CJ: Harpy, listen to me. You know there's a rumor going around that Wondergirl's got a new love interest.

Harpy: Harpy no care! Harpy's stomach hurt!

CJ: It's the Hulk!

Harpy: CAW !!!

Harpy slashes violently at Wondergirl. In under a minute, Cassie Sandsmark is spiralling to the ground and hits it hard.

Two down.

Ace throws a punch at Impulse, but it never lands. The high speed teen is just too fast, and avoids every potential blow.

Empress surveys her sitting duck. Always the warrior, she pulls out her knife a decides to play with her conquest. She takes a hold of the barking man's jacket and gashes a hole in the purple suit.

Then, AGW stops barking.

AGW: Oh no you di'n't!

With a fire in his eyes AGW disappears and reappears behind his opponent. Swiftly he trips her over and she falls back. On her way down, AGW takes a hold of her knife. By the time she lands he's already got the knife to her throat.

AGW: NOBODY RUINS MY CLOTHES !!!

Just then Harpy flies down and kicks Empress in the head, knocking her out. AGW and Harpy smile at each other and high five.

Three down.

Ace [unable to lay a hand on Impulse, who is obviously toying with him now as revenge for that little card trick]: A little help here!

Brit [running over to AGW]: I've got an idea.

Brit whispers something to AGW who promptly nods and teleports away.

Superboy hovers over (young) who is now on the floor on all four. He hears (young) grunting and smiles to himself.

(young): Grunt. Huff.

Superboy: That'll teach you to mess with the S-boy. I've got tactile telekinesis!


(young): Grunt. Huff.

Superboy: Look at you, grunting and huffing. And you're supposed to be the big kahuna of that little rookie team. Pathetic.

(young): I'm not grunting because you hit me.

Superboy [floating down to just above (young)]: Oh really? Okay then, Big Bad guy, why are you huffing and puffing.

(young): I'm revving up.

Superboy: :lol: . Oh really. For what?

(young): For this !

(young) turns over and unleashes a huge golden fireball at his opponent, sending Superboy rocketing into the air. He takes after him, and after a moment he's on Superboy. With a punch to the back, (young) sends him head first into the ground.

A bruised but triumphant (young) hovers over his opponent, embedded in the ground by his mighty punch.

(young): Don't you ever call me a rookie, SuperBOY!

AGW reappears next to Ace and slips him a disc. He disappears again and rejoins Harpy and Brit.

AGW: Ok, I got it and gave it to him. Do you think he'll know what to do with it?

Brit: He'd better.

Ace [looks at the disc]:

Then he gets it.

Ace: Ahhhhh!!!!! Hey Impulse!

Impulse: What?

Ace: Look what I've got?

Impulse: Huh?

Ace: Zelda: The Wind Waker. Got it just when it came out.

Impulse: Whoa really? [He high speed snatches it from Ace's hand] I've wanting to play this game for a while, but Flash won't let me... Hey, this is a Vanessa Williams CD!

WHAM!!

Five down.

Announcer: And the winner by a TKO, JUSTICE LEAGUE REALITY!!!

Narrator
And the crowd is dumbfounded.

After the Game

"Yay!" Harpy grabs Britannica and Ace by necks with her talons. "We won! We won!"

"Jeez, Harpy, dear, Britannica can't breathe..."

"Oopps," Harpy lets go. Both of the guys have bruises around their necks. And with a *poof* of feathers, Harpy is back to being CJ. "Well, that was interesting."

LM rolls his eyes. "Great. Now we just have to fight the Defenders tomorrow and win..."

Wednesday finds 'Amy' and 'Bridget' around his arms again, tucking envelopes into his pockets.

"You know, we'd really enjoy any new powers you aquired on Wednesday."

"Whohoo!"

LM shows Ace a bag. "La Machine, what the heck is that in the bag? It reeks?"

"Our post-victory celebration."

"Congratulations on the win."

CJ spins around to see Bruce Wayne. "Oh...well, thanks...but it was really Harpy..."

"She'd wouldn't have made it without you though."

"Well--"

"How about dinner tonight?"

"I don't have anything to wear."

"Alfred can change that."

"Dinner would be nice."

"So its settled. Alfred will take you out to get a gown. I'd like to get you out of those clothes...and into something black."

Back at the motel

"I can't believe she dumped us!" shouted Britannica.

Britannica, Nighting, RM553, and DLD were in their room. "Well," said Nightwing. "She dumped us for Bruce Wayne. Totally different, in the eyes of a woman."

Britannica looks around. "Where's Wednesday? And Ace? And--oh shit, we've lost La Machine..."

Outside the YJ's hotel room

Ace pours lighter fluid on the cow-dung-filled bag. "Matches, please." La Machine hands Ace the matches. The bag lights up instantly. La Machine knocks on the door, then the two duck into a nearby hall.

They can hear Superboy opening the door. "What the?" Stomping. "Stupid fire..." Sniff sniff.

"Ew!" says another voice. "Superboy, get your skanky ass outto here. We SO do not want to put up with your sink."

Ace and LM: :lol: :lol: :lol:

In another hotel room:

"Be right back ladies, as soon as I slip into something 'more comfortable'."

Alice looks at Breatrix. "Why are we here again."

Breatrix holds up the tap recorder. "We still need Harpy's weaknesses. Chant said that's super-important."

"But Chant's a good guy now!"

"So? He'll be back to his evil self soon enough, we just have to be ready for him."

"Fine. How are my bunny ears?"

"They look cute on you, sister."

Will the JLR defeat the Defenders (whom CJ has no knowledge of)?
Will CJ enjoy a night with Batman?
Will Superboy find out who pranked him?
Will Chant's Mailettes find a way of defeating Harpy?
What does Wednesday mean by 'more comfortable'?

At the Young Justice hotel room

The bag suddenly catches fire again

Ace-Hey how did that happen?

La Machine-Well you know those trick candles they have for birthday cakes. The ones that keep coming back after you blow them out.

Ace-Yeah

LM-Well this is a trick bag I picked up

Superboy-Hey! Stupid bag!!

They watch as Superboy starts stomping the bag again

A and LM-Look his suit caught on fire! :lol:

Superboy-Aughhhhh!!

Some time after the battle with Young Justice AGW and CJ sits on top of the hotel discussing the battle.

AGW: So, we defeated the Young Justice!

CJ: Obviously!

AGW: I can´t help thinking it was to easy!, I mean, I was like they did´nt really had any fighting spirit ya know what I mean?

CJ: not really!!!...But that´s not surprising, noone ever know what you mean!!

AGW: Well, you kno.....HEEEEYYYYY!!

CJ: ehhh, just kidding...

AGW: It was like they weren´t themselves, like they had been possessed, this other day I was watching the battle between W.I.L.D.C.A.T.S. and Fantastic Four, I wanted to see the Thing and Invisible Woman in real life, and I wasn´t disapointed by the Thing, but Sue Richards had a beard!

CJ: Who´s Sue Richard??

AGW:.....THE INVISIBLE WOMAN!!!!!

CJ: ohhhhhh! why didn´t you say so??

AGW I DID SAY SO!!!

CJ: All right all rig........what is that

CJ points up in the sky where she sees an unidentifiable flying object, or UFO

AGW: it looks like a flying motorcycle with a man in a silver suit

CJ: is it the SILVER MOTORCYCLIST???

AGW: No such thing!!

The motorcycle lands on the roof of the hotel and the man gets off, he walks towards the to heroes and pulls off his helmet, revealing a magnificent silver mane and a dashing face, he speaks!!

Ace Rimmer: Goodday people, Ace Rimmer is the name! Dimension Crossing Space Agent Extraordinaire, and who might you be??

CJ tries to answer, but she can´t stop smiling and and getting soft in her knees at seeing the dashing space agent

AGW: I´m Any Given Wed...

Ace Rimmer Interrupts

AR: Doesn´t matter who you are boy, I´m in a hurry to save my friends, Dave Lister, the Cat and Kryten, hey, foxy lady, Í´m staying and the hotel Ritz this evening if you´re interested, and I know you are....Smoke me a Kipper, I´ll be back for breakfast

He puts on his helmet and jumps on the Motorcycle before AGW can protest his distaste in being interrupted

AGW: What a pompous arrogant overblown boffoon, I can´t believe he just flew in here and called me a boy and virtually asked you to entertain him tonight Jackie....Jackie???

AGW sees CJ who has already jumped down from the roof and is heading towards the Ritz hotel.

AGW: I better get the team, we gotta save her from ACE RIMMER, Dimension Crossing Space Agent Extraordinaire

Superboy stops, falls to the ground, and rolls putting out the fire

Superboy takes off his boots and sniffs them

SB-It's poop

LM-He called the shit poop!

Ace and La Machine-Bwahahaha :lol:

SB shaking his boot in the air and looking around-You're all gonna die!!!

Beep Beep Beep Beep

LM-Whats that beeping?

Ace-Oh that must be my signal watch.

LM-You have a signal watch?

Ace-Yeah! Everyone on the team has one...

LM-WHAT!?!?! I don't have one!

Ace-Oh...Thats right...you didn't get one

LM-Why the hell not!?

Ace- Well we were short on cash and could only afford to buy them for the few strongest most important most valued members of the team.

LM-Oh....Well who else has one?

Ace-Uhhh... Actually....everyone else has one.

LM-You mean I'm the only one on the team who doesn't get?

Ace-Forget about it man, the beeping means that theres some trouble. We have to find the rest of the team.

LM-Fine, but don't think were not talking about this later.

Ace- Fine lets go

As they walk away an angry Superboy watches them from outside his room

SB-Oh I'll get you back JLR! I swear it!

As Ace is walking away from the YJ hotel room he bumps into a girl.

Ace-Oh I'm sorry. Are you okay?

Girl-Yeah Im fine thanks.

Ace-Hey aren't you...

Girl-Rogue.

Ace-Yes! You know I hear you have a thing for men who throw exploding cards...

Puts his arm over her shoulder and walks away flirting with her.

Meanwhile, back at the Hard Nights Motel...

(y)N: I'm gonna head out myself. If Bruce is in town, the others can't be far behind.

Britannica: The "others?"

(y)N: His network.

AGW: You're not gonna spy on Bruce and CJ, are you?

(y)N: No. I'm just gonna meet up with an old friend.

((young) Nightwing instant transmissions hismelf out of the room.)

AGW:...enjoy.

I'll head over to the Titans' hotel first. It's been a little to long since I last spoke to--

((young) Nightwing's thought is interrupted as he turns around to discover a shapely figure obstructing his field of vision.)

Starfire: Enjoying the view?

Kory, better known as Starfire. She actually caught me by surprise...

(y)N: Hi, Kory. I was about to head over to the Titans' hotel.

SF: awww...Well, I'm here, so no one else has to know about your crush on me .

(y)N: Actually, I wanted to speak to Dick.

SF: Why?

(y)N: To do some catching up. We can fly there so you and I can do the same. I just wanna stop by Young Justice's hotel room to speak to Robin and Superboy first.

SF: Sure.

(y)N: And for the record, I got over my crush on you when I was seven.

SF: Right. Wait...Just how old are you anyway?

(y)N: Twenty-One.

SF: ...You're going to have to explain your whole aging process to me...

• How did(young) Nightwing age so "quickly?"
• Will he and Starfire discover what La Machine and Ace have done to Superboy?
• Will (young) Nightwing's budding rivalry with the mighty clone still be able to take a surprising turn towards friendship?
• How is Ace faring with Rogue?

You'll have to keep reading to find out.

Narrator: Chant, RM552, DLD & Britannica are now the only JLR team-mates left at the hotel. Chant is watching televisoin and DLD is in the kitchen.

Brit: Damn, I should have asked (y)NW to introduce me to Oracle. [looks over at RM552 and Chant, who are watching the Eurovison song-contest] Oh, well there maybe time to catch up with him. [Britannica picks up his cape and walks to the door] Umm, guys, I'm just going to go for a walk to come up with tactics for tomorrows battle with the Defenders! I'll be back in about an hour, OK?

RM552: sshhhh, we're watching the Russian entry

[Britannica shrugs his shoulders and closes the door behind him]

DLD [poking his head out from the kitchen door]: This sucks! I'm half way through cooking a celebratory dinner and everyone else has gone galavanting off!

Chant: Shhh! They're just about to score! hehheh I said score

Narrator: Unable to locate (Young)Nightwing, Britannica walks along the main street, hands in pockets, head down and deep in thought about the JLR's next match.

Brit: Lets see, the Defenders have Doctor Strange, Sub-Mariner, Hulk (CJ will be pleased ), Silver Surfer, Valkyrie, Nighthawk & Hellcat. . .

Narrator: Our hero walks past an alley-way, when suddenly. . .

Alley: psssst!

[Britannica stops suddenly and looks down the alley]

Brit: I beg your pardon!?!

Alley: I said, "psssst!"!

Brit: That's what I thought you said? That's not very polite you know!

Alley: Just get in here now will you! Before someone sees you!

Brit: Hmmmm, This is very strange. I probably shouldn't do this. . .

[Britannica looks both ways down the main street and checks that he isn't being watched. When he is sure nobody is looking, he enters the alley!]

----------------------------------------------
Narrator: Is the voice from the alley a friend or foe?
Is our hero walking into a trap?
If so, how will he escape?
And how will Britannica catch up with (young)Nightwing now, so he can be introduced to Oracle?
These questions and more, will be answered next time!

After Ace's signal watch goes off, but before the alley pssssts (yeah, we're all out of order here)

AGW walks around the last corner of the last block on Weston St. The JLR's motel room is within sight. Under the circumstances, AGW would be running, but well... AGW never runs.

AGW: The rest of the team better be at the motel! That Ace Rimmer seems like a smug, self-satisfied git.

And AGW stops dead in his tracks.

AGW: Did I just say "smug, self-satisfied git"?

Before AGW can contemplate his lapse into British-ism...

Female reporter: There he is!

...A stampede of reporters stampedes towards our hero...

AGW:

...And AGW runs!



Reporter #4 [running]: Any Given, is it true you "got jiggy" with Ms. Vanessa?

Reporter #11: Any Given Wednesday, is it true you're the father of her love child?

Reporter #7: Sir, you can't run from us forever!

AGW: No, but I can sure as hell try!

----------

Meanwhile, back at the Ace Rimmer's hotel...

CJ: Oh my gosh, I don't believe I'm here.

AR: Of course you are, foxy lady. Before I can show you how wonderful I am, though, I just need to freshen up a bit. [Ace points his finger at her like a gun and flashes his trademark smile] Now stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas.

AR and CJ:

CJ:

----------

Now back to our other hero.

Reporter #20: Any Given, is it true you weren't able to.... perform to Ms. Vanessa's satisfaction?

And AGW stops dead in his tracks.

AGW: Excuse me?

Reporter #20: Well, a reliable source has stated that you weren't able to... well... give Vanessa an orga--

AGW: ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH!! You, with the camera, start rolling. I want everyone to see and hear this.

The guy with the camera starts rolling.

AGW: First, I would like to go on the record as saying I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Furthermore, I would like to add that if I had, she would have definitely had an orga--

Reporter #13A [tapping AGW on the shoulder]: It's for you.

AGW: I'm kinda busy here.

13A: It's an important person.

AGW grabs the phone.

AGW: Hello.

BC: Now listen here, fella. I don't mean to disturb your little speech, there, but I've been watching you from my five star hotel and I just wanted to warn you that "I did not have sexual relations" isn't gonna work.

AGW: But I really didn't have sexu--

BC: Trust me, buddy. It ain't gonna work.

Female voice in background: Who's that, honey?

BC: Never you mind, sugarplum. Now listen, Wednesday, here's what you need to say-

Click!

AGW hands back the phone.

AGW: Alright, listen people, I am not a crook.

13A: It's for you again.

AGW grabs the phone harder.

AGW: HELLO!

BC: Have you ever even been to a library?

AGW: Well, uhhhh... no.

BC: Well, read... my... lips... That won't work.

AGW: I can't really read your lips. You're on the phone and--

Voice in the background: Bill, who are you talking to?

AGW: Hey, "Bill," who's that girl in the background?

BC: Umm.. my wife?

Voice: WHAT? YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE MARRIED!

AGW: IS THAT BEATRIX?

BC: Ummm... I gotta go.

Click!!!

Reporter 12: Sir, I'm with The National Examiner. One question, did you---

AGW [putting out his hand]: No more questions, your honor. Hotel room. Now!

POOF!

Narrator:
Will anyone EVER believe AGW?
Will the group EVER get together to rescue CJ from that smug, self-satisfied git?
Will (young) Nightwing EVER get Starfire?
Will Ace EVER get Rogue?
Will we EVER find out who pssssted Brit?
Will Chant EVER remember his villainous past?
Will I EVER stop saying "EVER"?

Who knows?

A few days later, at the conference room...

Brit- Are we all here? We'd better get started on our training for the Defenders.

AGW- Where's La Machine?

Ace- Last I remember, after we got Kon-El good, he went back to the hotel. Said he was feeling weird.

(Just then, the wall explodes, and a giant, swampy, muddy, Man-Thing like monster enters the room)

Brit- Be on guard!

yNW- I got him!

Ace- Wait, wait! Look! Look at his And1's!

RM552- It's La Machine!

LM-..........Ugly........basketball.......in the.....Meadowlands........

CJ: What's happened to La Machine?

DLD: Hey! He's getting mud all over the floor. I just cleaned that!

AGW: Don't worry DLD, it is a hotel. Maid service will clean it.

Ace: Yeah, but what caused The La to turn ferral?

Brit: hmmmm I've got it! Now that the Nets are out of the finals and the series over. La Machine must degenerate into this Man-Thing-like creature. You could say he is now Nets-Thing!

JLR:

(y)NW: But Britannica, I can sense La Machine's prescence in that body.

Brit: hmmm again. . . Ah-ha! It's obvious! As I have just speculated La Machine reverts into a mindless monster in the off-season. Especially when the Nets have performed poorly. However, this year the Nets overall season has been their best, with 52 wins and 30 losses. Therfore, I propose that La Machine this year has been able to retain some control over his vegibeastal form. That would mean if the Nets had actually won the competition, La Machine would have retained his original humanoid form and increased abilities.

JLR:

RM552: So how long will this last?

Brit: Well obviously until the start of the next NBL season.

JLR: WHAT!?!

Chant: I think he means the NBA season.

JLR: Ohhhhhh.

Ace: That won't work. What if The La gets put on the list for a future battle?

(young)Nightwing: We could always--

AGW: I got it! All we've gotta do is send RM and young to N.Y., and have them bring back the entire line-up of the New York Nets cheerleaders.

RM552: OkayI'monmyway...

Cowgirl Jack:

Britannica: Wait a minute! How will that help change La Machine back to his non-vegibeastal form.

RM552: Doesntmattermustgograbcheerleadersnow!

AGW: Well, it doesn't. I just think those cheerleaders have the best pom-poms in the league.

CJ:

(young)Nightwing: Actually, I have a plan that I believe will work.

Brit: It doesn't involve us all being violently thrown against the wall by a blinding golden orb of light, does it?

(young)Nightwing: Umm.... No.

JLR: Whew.

CJ: Okay then, what is it?

(young)Nightwing: Well, it's quite simple. All we have to do is...

To be continued

(y)NW: . . . THIS [(young) Nightwing releases an orb of blinding green energy towards Nets-Thing. The impact causes the rest of the JLR members to go flying into the walls.]

Brit: umm, Brian old chap. I thought you said you weren't going to do that?

(y)NW): I said I wasn't going to use a blinding golden orb of light.

AGW: He does have a point there.

Ace: Maybe so, but it didn't work. The La's still Nets-Thing!

[Indeed, the vegibeastial Nets-Thing stands in the same spot completly unharmed]

Nets-Thing [with La Machine's voice]: Hey guys! What happened here?

RM552: Young has re-awakened the La's full intelligence inside the monster's body.

CJ: No difference then. :)

La Nets-Thing: Hey!

Chant: But how will that help us? La Machine is only registered in the tournament, not Nets-Thing!

(y)NW: Well this is La Machine. There should be no problem.

Chant: But then how come we have to register Jackie and Harpy as two different members?

Brit: Simple. This is La Machine. It is his body. It may have different abilities, but essentially it contains his intelligence and memories. CJ and Harpy are completely different on the other hand. While they may share the same body, they posses completely independent memories, values and thought processes. We could never pursade the judges, that CJ and Harpy are the same person. However, we might just be able to convince them that La Machine is La Machine.

CJ: I have never heard a more convoluted peice of horsedung in my entire life! It's only because we needed two female members to be able to register in this competition!

Brit: CJ's right.

La Nets-Thi...(oops sorry) La Machine: What are you guys talking about?

Brit [handing LaMachine a clean LM uniform - in stores this July]: Just put this on.

LM [to Jackie]: Do you mind?

CJ: Mind what?

DLD [turning Jackie around to face the wall and covering her eyes with his hand]: I think he wants a little privacy.

A bit later. . .

LM [now wearing his new clean uniform, which is way too small for his vegibeastial body. It now looks like he is wearing a small tank top and a pair of short shorts]: This is embarrassing!

CJ: That’s never going to work. [CJ stifles a yawn]

Brit: Well of course not. He hasn’t got his cap on yet.

[Brit hands LM the Nets cap, which LM puts on his head]

AGW: Oh yeah. That’s a lot better.

RM552: It diffinitely looks like La Machine now.

CJ: hmmmm *yawn*

(y)NW [looks at CJ quizzically]: Are you OK Jackie?

CJ: *yaawn* Don’t worry Brian, it’s nothing really. I just haven’t slept very well last couple of nights. That’s all.

(y)NW: hmmm. . .

*knock* *knock* [a knock on the door]

Ace: Come on in.

[Reggie, the JLR's competition liaison enters the room]

Reggie: Good morning everybody. Your battle with the Defenders will start in 15 minutes time. [Reggie goes to leave the room when he notices LM. What happened to La Machine?

JLR: umm, uh

Brit: Late night?

Chant: Yes, the Eurovision song contest was on. He got very upset when the Russian entry didn’t win. Isn’t that right?

LM: Russian entry? Eurovision song contest?

RM552: See what we mean, he’s still inconsolable.

Reggie: Oh. Well you had all better make your way to the arena now. I will meet you there.

Ace [trying to take Reggie’s attention away from LM, while quickly guiding the confused liaison out of the room]: Not a problem, we’ll be down there in a moment.

[After Reggie has left the room]

Brit: See nothing to worry about.

JLR:

Ace: OK, Team we’re up against the Defenders. They’re no pushovers.

CJ: *yaaawn* Unless (young)Nightwing gets picked, we don’t have much defence against magic or cosmic power. *yaaaawn*

RM552: Well I’m going after the Sub-Mariner. It is only right that two Monarchs battle each other!

LM: But you’re not a Monarch. . .

RM552:

JLR:

RM552: How many times has Namor been deposed and exiled, only to be re-throned? Huh?

LM: Nevermind :` . . . lets get going. . .

DLD: Hey speaking of late nights, where did all of you go last night? You were gone for hours?

Brit: That my friend will have to be a story for another time

DLD: Oh great. Can anyone say back flash. . .

Five minutes later the JLR are standing in the arena waiting for the combatants to be announced. . .

AGW [looking into the crowd]: As anyone seen Alice or Beatrix? I thought they’d be here to see me.

Ace [pointing to the Announcer, who is testing his microphone]: Looks like we’re going to find out who is in this battle.

Announcer: Rrrrep-re-sent-ing the Justice League Reality are:
La Machine
Registered Member 552
dun_like_dinner
Cowgirl Jack
aaaaaand
huh!?!
…umm…hold on just one-moment folks. . . .[the Announcer turns to Reggie and whispers in his ear] psst…psst…psst…psst…psst?…are you sure?…well ok then…[the Announcer turns back to the crowd] aaaaand. . .
Chant!

Crowd: huh!?! Chant!?! How can that be? etc?

Ace: They obviously haven’t heard that our former arch nemesis is now a card-carrying member of the JLR.

Chant: We get cards! Cool. Hey how comes I haven’t got one yet?

Brit: Shush Chant. They’re about to announce the Defenders line-up. . .

Chant:

Announcer: Aaaand Rrrrep-re-sent-ing the Defenders:
Hellcat Ace: well that’s not too bad
Sub-Mariner RM552: Yess
Hulk LM: Valkyrie, would’ve been better
Silver Surfer JLR:
Aaaand JLR: pleasenotdoctorstrangepleasenotdoctorstrangepleasenotdoctorstrangepleasenot…
Doctor Strange!

Ace: Damn
Brit:
CJ: *yaaawn* $#!+
DLD: gulp
LM: Oh great!
AGW: D'OH!
Chant: ho boy
(y)NW: This is not good. . .
RM552: I’m still going after Namor. . .

In the battle arena, our combating heroes are huddled together. . .

Chant: So La Machine, who do you want us to match up against?

LM: Right. Well I’ll go up against Hellcat. . .

Chant: Hang on, in your vegibeastial form wouldn’t it be better for you to go against the Hulk?

LM: Nooo, I’m field leader, so I get the perkies!

JLR: The what?

LM: umm, I meant the perks. . .

JLR:

LM: nevermind

RM552: I’ve got Namor right?

LM: You’ve got Namor, shesh! [Looks to CJ, DLD and Chant] So as soon as RM552 and I have taken care of our opponents, we’ll give the rest of you a hand with the Hulk, Silver Surfer and Doctor Strange, OK? [nods approvingly at his own cunning plan]

CJ: That’s your brilliant plan, you *#(@$*&@%*^@&*(^@(#^!@#()&$*^@$. . .

LM: well it sounded good to me. . .

Announcer: Combatants! Let’s get ready to Ruuuuuummmmmbbbbbllllleeeeee!!!!!

LM: Hang on! We haven’t finished our huddle yet!!!!

*Ding*

CJ: $#!+ *yaaaawn*

Announcer: Doctor Strange, Sub-Mariner, Silver Surfer & the Hulk take to the air and speed towards the JLR, who all look like Hoppy the Wonder Rabbit caught in high-beams. Hellcat is not far behind, leaping over the battle arena obstacles. . .

DLD is the first to react for the JLR - also taking to the air!

-----------------------------------------
Crowd: Ooooh. Ahhhh.
Ace: Wow! I didn’t know DLD could fly?
(y)NW: Look. He has harnessed aerosol cans to propel him into the sky.
AGW: *sniff* *sniff* mmmmmmmmm. . . piiiine fresh :)
Brit: DLD may be off to a flying start, but the others haven’t done anything yet.
-------------------------------------------

Announcer: DLD has zoomed past three Defenders and looks like he’s gunning for the Silver Surfer. This could be the most mis-matched battle in Super-hero battle history - The Power Cosmic vs. The Power To Remove Stubborn Stains!

But wait! The Hulk has landed in front of the JLR!!!

Hulk: HULK SMASH PUNY JLR!!!

Chant: ulp! I’m outta here. . .
RM552: Good luck, Jackie!
CJ: Huh!?!
LM: Well, he is your boyfriend. . . see ya

Announcer: The male members of the JLR split up, leaving Cowgirl Jack to face the fury of the Hulk alone. Now that’s not very gentlemanly is it?

CJ: THE HULK IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!!!!

Hulk: RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

*SMACK* *WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH* *CRASH*

-------------------------------------
Crowd: oooooooo
Ace, AGW, Brit & (y)NW:

----------------------------------------

Announcer: Oh, that’s going to leave a mark. The Hulk smashes Cowgirl Jack across to the other side of the arena and is leaping over to have another bash.

Namor and RM552 are now going hammer and tongs. . .

La Machine and Hellcat are within striking distance of each other . . .

And surprisingly DLD is holding up quite well against the Silver Surfer!

But wait! What’s this? Doctor Strange is backing away from Chant!?!

CHANT vs. DOCTOR STRANGE

Doctor Strange, the most powerful mage in the Marvel Universe leads the Defenders, ready to unleash his most arcane magics against the Defender’s foes – the Justice League Reality!

However, the Sorcerer Supreme is unprepared for the JLR’s champion, whom he must vanquish. . .

Doctor Strange: Ch-Ch-Chant!!! [The Doctor halts his attack] *skreeeeech*

Announcer: But wait! What’s this? Doctor Strange is backing away from Chant!?!

Chant: That’s right Strange! You may be a big shot where you come from. But I have a magic trick for you! Pick a postcard any postcard! [Chant pulls out several razor edged postcards from his post bag and hurls them at Doctor Strange]

Doctor Strange [starts an incarnation]: a la peanut butter sandwiches! [a multi-coloured golf umbrella mystically appears which deflects all of the postcards] B-But how can you be working with the JLR? [He starts another spell] Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn, and cauldron bubble!

Announcer: Doctor Strange is back on the offensive!

[About 20 bubbles appear and slowly float towards Chant. Chant dives and rolls out of the way, long before the bubbles reach their intended target (which pop harmlessly when they touch the ground)]

Chant [looks at where the bubbles burst, then at Doctor Strange]: Hey, are you taking this fight seriously? [Chant pulls out a stack of letter bombs] And why wouldn’t I, Chant, the Mailing Marvel, the Deliverer of Justice, be an honoured member of the JLR? [Chant throws the letter bombs at Doctor Strange]

Doc Strange [musing to himself, as he dodges Chant’s attack]: But he looks like Chant, sounds like Chant *sniff* and smells like Chant. He even gets high-pitched and whiney when he’s peeved off. Maybe he’s a clone?

[Unfortunately for the preoccupied Sorcerer Supreme, he fails to notice another of Chant’s special deliveries]

*BANG*

Announcer: Who would have thought! Chant lands a blow on Doctor Strange!

--------------------------------------
Ace: Look at Chant go!
Brit: Lucky for us he never displayed this sort of co-ordination when he was evil.
(y)NW: Something is wrong here. Doctor Strange should be wiping the floor with Chant! This doesn’t make sense?
AGW: I don’t know, I think Doctor Strange is quite entertaining.

---------------------------------------------

Announcer: Doctor Strange has regained his composure and is making another attack!

Doctor Strange: za za za! juslikethat!

[A bunch of colourful flowers appear from nowhere and the Doctor throws them at Chant, which hits the JLR member right in the face]

Chant: oww! *Atichoo* Damn! My allergies!

Announcer: Doctor Strange is pressing home his advantage!

Doctor Strange: Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of me hat! *riiiiiip* [He tears one of his shirt sleeves off] Nothing up me sleeve. . .

Chant: Ahh, that trick’ll never work. . . you don’t have a hat. (and who’s Rocky?)

Doctor Strange: huh? [checks his head and realises he indeed does not posses a hat] That’s it! [He thrusts out his clothed arm and] SHAZAM!

[hundreds of silk scarves (each a different colour or pattern) tied together end-on-end, shoot out of Doctor Strange’s sleeve and entwine themselves around Chant]

Chant: mmmmmmpppphhh!

Announcer: Doctor Strange appears to have Chant all wrapped up! But wait one moment. . .

*Cuuuuuuuut* [Chant cuts himself out of the scarves]

Chant: Ha Ha! You didn’t take into consideration my letter opener!

Doctor Strange: Curses!

Chant: Or my envelope glue-gun [Chant pulls out his glue gun, aims at the magician, and fires]


*Spluuuuurt* *Splosh*

Announcer: Direct Hit! Doctor Strange is going down! What an upset!

Doctor Strange: Aggghhhh*

------------------------------------
Crowd: whoa!
Ace & AGW [hug each other]: Yay Chant!
(y)NW and Brit: hmm

-----------------------------------------

Chant: Ha Ha! Bwahahahahahahaha I am victorious!

COWGIRL JACK vs. HULK vs. HARPY vs. COWGIRL JACK (!?!)

Announcer: The Hulk smashes Cowgirl Jack across to the other side of the arena and is leaping over to have another bash.

CJ: Ohhh, my head! Must...get...up! Must...defeat...Hulk

Harpy: *Caw* NOOOOOOOOO! *Caw* *Caw* Don't hurts Hulk! *Caw*

CJ: Damit Harpy! My head already feels like its going to split open, without you screeching in there too. . . oops. . .

*THOOM*

Announcer: Cowgirl Jack dodges Hulk's attack just in the knick of time. Though the li’l lady looks mighty wobbly on her feet. . .

Hulk: Rrrraaaagggghhhh!!!!

[Cowgirl Jack manages to put some distance between herself and the Hulk by negotiating through the maze-like barricades and trenches in the battle arena. The Hulk is now getting very frustrated having lost the Heroine of the JLR. However, Jackie has more than the Hulk to worry about, as Harpy is still screeching at CJ]

Harpy: *Caw* Don't hurt Hulk! Don't hurt Hulk! *Caw*

CJ: Harpy! Shut up will you! [The Hulk is alerted to CJ's location by the cry and starts smash through the barricades to get to CJ] Oh great, look what you've done you featherbrain. I don't think the Hulk is going to be as concerned about our welfare, as you are his. I'm gonna have to take him on. . . if only my head wasn't feeling so cotton-wooly. . . [Jackie goes to jump out of the trench in a last ditch effort to attack the Hulk]

Harpy: *CAW* Don't Hurt My Jolly Green Giant! *CAW* *CAW* I Loves Him! *CAW*

CJ [stops mid-jump]: Hey! What exactly did you and the Hulk get up too at the tournament dinner the other night?

Harpy: *Cooo* That would be telling *Cooo*

CJ: Oh My Godfather! Please tell me you didn't!!!

Harpy: *cooo* maybe *cooo*

CJ [very shaky]: I think I'm going to be siiiiiiiiiiick. . .*

Announcer: Oh No! Cowgirl Jack has passed out! And the Hulk has just reached the unconscious heroine! Oh, I can't watch!

Hulk: HULK SMASH!!!

----------------------------------------
Ace, AGW, Brit & (y)NW: JACKIE!!!!

---------------------------------------------

[With Cowgirl Jack unconscious, she starts to transform into Harpy, as the JLR’s PMS heroine is now in control of their shared body]

Harpy: *coooo* hulk *cooooo*

Hulk: Har-pie? :)

*BANG* *BOOM* *BA-BOOM*

Announcer: Chant having just taken out Doctor Strange appears to have the Hulk next on his delivery rounds!

Chant: Get away from her you monster!

[Chant throws more letter bombs at the Hulk]

*CRASH*

Announcer: Oh no! Chant’s letter bombs have bounced of the Green Goliath’s invulnerable body and caused a barricade to fall on top of Cowgirl Jack!

Harpy: coooooooo* [Now that Harpy is also unconscious, she transforms back into Cowgirl Jack]

Chant: Oops!

Hulk: HAR-PIE!! CHANT HURT HAR-PIE!!! HULK HURT CHANT!!!!

Announcer: It looks like all Chant has done is to make the Hulk angry. And you wouldn’t like to see the Hulk angry!

Chant: Eep!

To be continued. . .

REGISTERED MEMBER 552 vs. NAMOR, THE SUB-MARINER

Announcer: Registered Member 552 and the Sub-Mariner are going for it hammer and tongs. . .

SM: Give up surface dweller! Yield before the Rightful Ruler of Atlantis!

RM552: Who? Aquaman!?!

SM: Bah! Your effrontery shall not go unpunished! Imperious Rex!

Announcer: The Sub-Mariner once more takes to the air. He is using his air superiority to attack the Regal JLR member and avoid being hit himself!

RM552: Come *smack* oof
down *smack* oww
here *smack* ugh
and *smack* eep
fight *smack* hurt
me *smack* urk
like *smack* bloody hell
a *smack* ooo
man *smack* gobnabit
you *smack* sheesh
chicken *smack* puh
of *smack* woo
the *smack* bluh
sea *smack* eek
! *smack* mummy

-------------------------------------
Ace: This isn't going very well is it?
AGW: Come on RM552! Smack his scaly behind!
Brit: Wait! RM552 knows what he is doing.
(y)NW: Yes, he has the Sub-Mariner right where he wants him.
Ace & AGW: Huh???


To be continued. . .

LA MACHINE vs. HELLCAT

Announcer: La Machine and Hellcat are within striking distance of each other . . .

LM [who is lumbering across the battle arena floor, being slowed down by the area obstacles, barricades and trenches]: Oh great! No speed! No leaping ability! I get new powers and I have no idea how they work. . .

*SLASH* *RIIIIIIP*

LM: Owww!

Announcer: Hellcat makes the first strike. La Machine looks very disappointing out there. . .

*SLASH* *SLASH* *SLASH* *SLASH* *SLASH* *SLASH*

LM: ow ow ow ow ow ow

Announcer: It looks like the Cat is sharpening her claws against a tree out there. Bits of La Machine a flying everywhere. This is horrible!

-------------------------------------------
Ace: Oh man. The La is going down!
AGW: But have you seen Hellcat’s moves. Rrrrrrrrr
(y)NW: If only he would harness his true potential. . .
Brit: Maybe things aren’t as bad as we thought. Look!

--------------------------------------------------

Announcer: This is amazing. All of the little bits of La Machine are moving! And they are heading back towards La Machine!

[The bits start to move faster and faster eventually reforming themselves to make La Machine whole once more]

LM: Woo Hoo! I have a healing ability.

Hellcat: That won’t save you sweetie!

*THWACK* *KICK* *THUD*

Announcer: Hellcat strikes again and knocks the JLR’s Nets Fan to the ground.

*POUNCE*

Announcer: Hellcat has pinned down La Machine!

Hellcat [Straddling La Machine’s chest, her knees pinning down LM’s arms]: Now we can do this quick and easy or we can do this the hard way? Up to you, honey? [Hellcat raises her arm, claws outstretched and ready to strike]

LM [looking up at Hellcat]: Hard. Definitely hard

Announcer: This looks like it for La Machine!

-------------------------------------
AGW: Why couldn’t that be me? Hey that reminds me has anyone seen Alice or Beatrice yet?
Ace: Oh Man, looks like we have three down now
Brit: Come on LM!
(y)NW [thinking]: La Machine, use your full potential damn it!

[From the battle arena comes a sickening sound]

*CRUNCH*

Announcer, Crowd, Ace & AGW:

Brit & (y)NW: :)

------------------------------------------------

Announcer: My…my goodness! A third arm has come out of La Machine’s chest and punched Hellcat right under her jaw! She’s out of the battle!

----------------------------------------------
AGW: wow
Ace: I said it before and I’ll say it again -
Brit: whew!
(y)NW: about time too. . .

LM [with the unconscious form of Hellcat laying on top of him]: hard. definitely hard

DUN_LIKE_DINNER vs. SILVER SURFER

Announcer: DLD has zoomed past three Defenders and looks like he’s gunning for the Silver Surfer. This could be the most mis-matched battle in Super-hero battle history - The Power Cosmic vs. The Power To Remove Stubborn Stains!

DLD: Surfer! You are mine!

[DLD tightens his grip on his mop and with an extra burst of speed from his pine-fresh aerosol packs, speeds towards his adversary. Both combatants fly towards each other like some surreal medieval joust]

*KAPOW* *THWACK*

Announcer: Surprisingly dun_like_dinner is holding up quite well against the Silver Surfer! Both were able to make glancing blows against the other. Now they are turning around and coming back for another attack!

Silver Surfer releases a salvo of cosmic blasts towards young dun-like-dinner. Amazingly the Champion of Clean is able to dodge all of them!

SS: Whoa dude! Radical moves!

DLD [stops mid-flight]: Huh!?! Since when does the Silver Surfer talk like that?

SS: But you will see, I have some gnarly moves of my own, man!

Announcer: In an amazing display the Silver Surfer spins and twists and turns and attacks dun_like_dinner from all angles. However, the young hero is able to dodge or deflect all of the powerful cosmic power beams.

To be concluded!

_______________________________________________

REGISTERED MEMBER 552 vs. NAMOR, THE SUB-MARINER (part 2)

So lets have a look at the Sub-Mariner who is still inflicting some serious damage to Registered Member 552. . .

Namor: Damn *huff* you *puff* RM552! *pant* Fall! *wheeze* [Namor’s punches become steadily weaker, his body pouring with sweat, his breathing becoming laboured. Unable to keep airborne, he slowly lowers to the ground] What *puff* trickery *pant* is *wheeze* this? *huff*

RM552 [bloody and bruised]: No trickery. I just allowed you to wear yourself out by hitting me. All of these powerful stadium spotlights [he indicates all of the light towers around the stadium] also helped to dehydrate you and there are no water sources on this battlefield to help replenish your strength!

Namor: Oh No!

RM552: Nightie Night Namor. . .

Announcer: Registered Member 552 walks up to the Sub-Mariner and . . .

*POW*

Announcer:. . .Right in the kisser! Registered Member has taken the Sub-Mariner out of the match!

RM552: I am the greatest! [starts to strike various body builder-like poses] Bring ‘em on! Where’s the Hulk? Doctor Strange? The Silver Surfer? I’ll take ‘em all on! At once! With my hands tied behind my back!

Chant [tapping RM552 on the shoulder]: umm, we’ve already beaten them.

RM552 [looks around and notices the rest of the team standing around him. LM his carrying the unconscious CJ] Wha!?! How!?! When!?!

DLD: Sorry RM552, we beat the rest of the Defenders an hour ago. We’ve just been waiting for you to finish your battle with Namor.

Brit [walking up to the Team, with Ace, AGW and (young)Nightwing]: Excellent work team! Well done RM552 you won us the match by finally defeating Namor.

RM552: Bu. . .but then why didn’t anyone give me a hand?

LM: Well, you were so keen to take on Namor yourself we thought you would be mad with us if we helped you.

RM552: Good call [RM552 gives the thumbs up sign and promptly falls backwards, unconscious] *thud*

Announcer: Aaaaaaaand the winner of this battle is. . . THE JUSTICE LEAGUE REALITY!!!

Later in the JLR dressing room, the tournament doctors are examining Cowgirl Jack. A bandaged RM552 is up and about and seeking some answers. . . .

RM552: So what happened? How did we defeat the Hulk and Silver Surfer?

Brit: Well it went something like this. . .

RM552: Oh No! Not another back flash. . . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Announcer: Elsewhere in the battle, the Sub-Mariner is still pounding away at Registered Member 552.

La Machine has finally got out from beneath the unconscious Hellcat and is going over to help Chant against the Hulk.

Hulk: HULK SMASH CHANT! HULK THE STRONGEST ONE THERE IS!

Chant [throwing everything at the Hulk, including his postbag]: helphelphelphelphelp

LM [lumbering towards the Hulk]: Hang on Chant! I’ve got him. . .

*ZAAAAAAAAAAAAP* *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

Hulk: hulk. . . strongest. . .one . . .there. . .iiiiiiiiii*

*THOOM*

Chant [looking down at the prone body of the Hulk]: Wow, thanks La Machine! How did you do that?

LM [also looking at the unconscious Hulk]: I don’t know? It wasn’t me?

Chant [looking up at LM]: Huh!?! Then who. . .?

Announcer: Fantastic! dun_like_dinner was able to deflect an incredibly large cosmic power blast with his mop! Directing it directly at the Hulk! The Hulk is out of the match!

Chant & LM [looking up at the DLD/Silver Surfer battle]: whoa!

------------------------------------------
Ace: Did anyone know that DLD could do that?
AGW: I knew he could clean glass without leaving streaks. . .
Brit: If anyone had asked me before, I wou ld have been certain that only (young) Nightwing could have been the only JLR member who could have handled the Silver Surfer, maybe. No offence Brian.
(y)NW: None taken, Britannica. Indeed, DLD is certainly full of surprises.

----------------------------------------------

SS: Whoa! That was my Mega-Kahoona-Kowabunga-From-Down-Under attack! That should have been a wipeout, dude! How did you do that?

DLD: Exactly how I am going to do this!

Announcer: dun_like_dinner is launching himself at the Silver Surfer in a head on attack!

[DLD flies towards the Silver Surfer. He grips his mop handle towards the end and thrusts the mop head in front of him directly at the Silver Surfer]

Announcer: Wait! dun_like_dinner’s attack missed! He has only been able to place his mop head on the front of the Surfer’s board!

SS: Ha Ha! Missed me, dude!

DLD: I wasn’t aiming to hit you, Surfer!

[DLD uses his mop like a pole-vaulter and leaps over the Silver Surfer's head. While in the air DLD does a double back flip summersault, twist and half pike while also pulling out a dirty rag and a bottle of Tarn-off from his utility belt.

Before the Silver Surfer can react DLD lands behind him, removes the lid from the Tarn-off, dabs the rag with the contents and places the Silver Surfer in a head-lock]

SS [struggling to get free]: This is bogus, dude!

DLD [rubbing the Surfer’s head with the Tarn-off]: No, this is your defeat. And it’s not dude! It’s dun_like_dinner!

Announcer: This is incredible! Whatever dun_like_dinner is using…I don’t know how to describe this…it is transforming the Silver Surfer back in to Norman. . . I mean Norrin Radd!

Norrin: Bummer*

Announcer: dun_like_dinner wins!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brit: …and then of course an hour later you won the match by beating Namor!

RM552: So you're telling me DLD, you beat The Siliver Surfer with a bottle of Tarn-off?

DLD: Well maybe I did modify the contents just a little bit. . .

[Before anyone can question DLD further, some medical staff assist Cowgirl Jack over to the Team.]

JLR: Jackie! [All of the Team crowd around their favourite heroine, concerned for her well-being]

CJ [who is looking very sheepish]: Hey guys. I’m so glad you guys won. And I’m sorry I let you down.

Ace: Hey you didn’t let us down, Jackie!
DLD: Are you OK, Jackie?
RM552: Look, I’m in worse shape than you. At least your arm isn’t in a sling.

Doctor McCoy: Dammit people give the lady some air!

Brit: How is Cowgirl Jack?
LM: Yes Doc, will she be OK?
(y)NW: Yes, Jackie did appear fatigued before the match.

Doc McCoy: Now, now. Everything is OK. Everyone have a seat. . . Considering you goofs let Cowgirl Jack face the Hulk alone [He stares at LM, RM552, DLD and Chant, whose turn it is to look sheepish], she and her baby will be fine. . .

JLR: BABY!?!?!

Doc McCoy: Yes, Cowgirl Jack is pregnant!

CJ: *sob*


Is Cowgirl Jack going to be a mother?
Who is the father? Bruce Wayne? or the Incredible Hulk?
Where did Britannica go the night before?
What was in DLD's secret Tarn-off fomula?
These questions and more may be answered in the next exciting instalment of the JLR Convention Adventure!

CJ lifts an eyebrown. "Any chance Bruce Wayne is the father?"

"Not a chance."

"Carter Hall?"

"He and Kendra haven't left their hotel room."

"Ted Grant."

"Nope."

CJ lowers her head. "Darn."

JLR:

The doctor waves his hand. "Er...maybe I'm not being clear. Harpy is the one expecting."

CJ nods. "Well THAT makes more sense."

"Of course, both you and Harpy, sharing the same body, will both be carring the child."

"SHIT!"

JLR:

CJ winces. "I mean...oh darn."

RM551 shakes his head. "This is NOT going to be fun."

At the Motel of Justice...

"Jackie, don't you think its cool enough in here? I can't feel my hands."

"I'm boiling, LM! Crank it down!"

Britannica enters the room. "Okay, here's the sausague, eggs, chocolate, whipped cream, tuna salad, taco sauce, bell peppers, and granola bars you wanted. Anything else?"

"Watermelon."

"I doubt they are in season..."

"WATERMELON!"

"Will do! Be right back, guys!"

Narrator: 27.35 minutes later...

552: So... uhh... Anyone have any idea what's taking Brit so long?

(young): Well, the grocery store is pretty far away, I suppose.

Vegi-La: It's right next door.

(young): Oh.

552: You guys don't think he ditched us, do you?

(young): No.

Vegi-La: Nuh-uh.

Ace: Never.

AGW: Hell, I woulda!

JLR:

AGW:

Ace: CJ isn't looking to happy over there.

CJ:

(young): CJ will be fine. She is in complete control of her emotional state. I even taught her a number of relaxation techniques on the journey back from the arena.

AGW: I'm sold. So CJ, how about we go--

CJ: Watermelon.

Chant: Yeah, about that, we--

CJ: WATERMELON!

Ace: Sure, CJ. If you just wait for a little while longer I'm sure Brit will be--

CJ: WATERMELON !

Chant: I'm sold too. I've got some... hero-type duties to take care of.

552: You can't just leave us here.

Door: SLAM!

The male members of the JLR all look at each other, then at CJ.

CJ:

552: What was that?

AGW: What?

552: Sounded like a cat stuck in a tree somewhere.

Vegi-La: I didn't hear any cat.

(young): Neither did I.

552: Just listen.

Everyone listens.

A voice that sounds suspiciously like 552 impersonating a far away cat: Meow! I'm a cat and I'm stuck in a tree. Help. Meow!

552: Well, gotta go. Duty calls.

Vegi-La: But--

Door: SLAM!

(young): I have to go... attempt to regain some more lost memories.

Ace [running to block the door]: Oh no you don--

(young) disappears in a flash.

Door: ...

AGW: So that's what it feels like.

Ace: Well, I've gotta go too.

Vegi-La: Hold on. Where are you going?

Ace: I... uhhh... have a date with Rogue tomorrow.

AGW: So, why do you have to leave now?

Ace: I... uhhh...

CJ:

Ace: ...have too much to live for.

Door: SLAM!

AGW [looking around]: I have no excuse, but I ain't stayin' here.

Vegi-La: Wait, Wednesday. In this form it's difficult to move. I'll be here by my--

AGW: Yeah, you're right and I'm sorry. I would never leave you like this.

Vegi-La: Thanks man.

AGW: Hey, you remember that time I was with Alice AND Beatrix and you came and locked me in the closet? That was funny, huh?

Vegi-La: Yeah, it was kinda fun--

Door: SLAM!

Vegi-La: Ok, La, get a grip! Just don't look in her eyes. Whatever you do, just don't look in her eyes.

CJ:

Vegi-La: But I don't wanna die with a third arm .

[ 12-03-2003, 08:31 AM: Message edited by: Wednesday ]

Vegi-La- You....uhh.......you...you want somethin'?

CJ-

La- Uhhh.....I got...I got some Yoo-Hoo over here in the fridge here....

CJ-

La- Uhm....hey! Let's watch a movie! I'm sure this place has some kind of movie program thingy. Let's see....we got....Deep Blue Sea....FreeWilly 3.....and....the Erotic Obsessions of Veronica........Hmmmm.

CJ-

La- Well.....you know? You know what would be good for you? Some pre-natal education. I think it would be a good experience to learn about the birthing process so....so it'll be easier on you...

CJ-

La- Let's start with step one. Conception. Pleae refer to the video for instruction.

(Vegi-La orders The Erotic Obsession of Veronica)

oh....oh wow. ....oh those are real....definitely..

CJ-
you are not watching porn while I am in the room. You cannot seriously be watching porn while I am in the ROOM.

La- ......yeah...yeah sure Ceej.....I'll just...stay here then.

WHAM! KRAK! KBANK! BOOM BOOM BOOM! SKREEEEEEEOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

AGW and RM552 are walking outside together.

WHAM! KRAK! KBANK! BOOM BOOM BOOM! SKREEEEEEEOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

AGW- Man that sounded like it hurt. That was pretty mean of us to leave like that.

RM552- Oh I'm sure that La Machine will be fine. He's a big boy.

AGW- LM? I was talking about CJ. Man, being stuck in their alone with him, she must be the bravest woman I know.

RM552- Oh well as long as it's not us.

AGW- Right-O

Ace comes running up to the two of them holding a piece of paper.

Ace- Hey guys they just posted the list of battles for tommorow. You'll never guess who we're fighting.

AGW and RM552- Who?

Ace lifts the paper and holds it right infront of both of them.

Ace- The one and only "Formally Known as the Justice League."

AGW and RM552- No way! That's awsome.

Ace- uhmm...Yeah....that sure is awsome...............*crickets chirping*.........

ahem.....uh soooooo.....you guys want to get a drink or something?

AGW and RM552-Awsome

Ace-

Narrator: They have fought against villainy and greed. They've saved Christmas (sorta), defeated golems, and even offended The Defenders. Now witness the JLR's greatest, most gruesome battle. Kids, cover your eyes, as we bring you Part 5 and 6 of...

The JLR vs. A PREGNANT WOMAN!

20 minutes later, Chant runs into The Motel Room of Justice, melon in hand. Cowgirl Jack is crouched on the bed, watching hundreds of pieces of her teammate reform. The video's still playing.

Chant: What's going on? Hey, CJ, I see you found the... Official JLR... um... Conception Training Video.

The final bits reform to make La whole.

Vegi-La: That's the fifteenth time she's done that. For the love of Gob, help me!

Chant: Right!

Triumphantly, Chant pulls a whole watermelon from his bag and holds it above his head.

Chant: I have WATERMELON !

CJ: ....

Chant: What?

CJ: CUT IT NOW!

Chant: Okay, okay.

CJ: NOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW !

Chant sprints to the kitchen and searches the drawers.

Chant: Yes, cutting... knife... just give me a second.

CJ: In sixteen equal parts, please. Anything bigger would be unlady-like .

Chant and Vegi-La: .

Chant looks through every drawer and cupboard only to find a dirty spoon.

CJ: .

Chant [searching every drawer again]: So... hehe... you wouldn't believe how hard it is to find something heroic to do in a small town filled with every superhero in existence.

CJ: .

Chant: So, Ceej... Do you mind if I call you that?

CJ:

Chant: Okay, then. Cowgirl Jack, you wouldn't mind eating one whole, would you?

CJ gets ready to pounce.

Vegi-La: Not again!