RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Writer's Block JLR vs the CSF!

Monday, at the JRL Farmhouse of Justice...

Cowgirl Jack was sitting in her bathtub reading Cosmo. Summer had begun, and she was eager to relax. Wednesday had assigned her moniter duty for the past week. There was no work involved. No one had called for any superhero service.

Which was great. CJ had spent the last two days ordering shoes and new carpeting for the Farmhouse of Justice. Wait till the guys see what she's done to the place. Well, actually, what Larry's done. The recently released giant was dumber than a bag of hammers, but could install flooring.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

"What that--" Jackie looked around. "They installed a phone in the bathrooms? That's weird." She picked it up. "Um, hello, this is the JLR, Cowgirl Jack speaking. How may we save you today?"

"What?"

"This is Cowgirl Jack of the JLR--"

"What?"

CJ rolled her eyes. "COWGRIL JACK SPEAKING! WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Eh? Oh, my name's Ed. Ed Johnson. I was wondering if you might take a case for me."

"Sure!" said CJ. Then she winced. D'oh! Wednesday said not to sound to excited! "Ahem, well, we might be able to squeeze you in."

"Well, I'm mayor to the city of Big City."

"That's is possible the stupidest name for a town I have every hear of."

Major Johnson must not have heard her. "We're being attack by a group of supervillians called the CSF. The Crime Syndicate of Fiction."

"Okay..."

"We need your help! Can you save us?"

He sounds to pathetic. Cool! I feel like Supergirl now. "Alright Major, I'll assemble the JLR and we'll be there tomorrow evening. Have rooms booked for us in your finest hotel. We'll stay there as we save you guys."

After hanging up on the phone and getting dressed, CJ went downstairs. The basement had been converted to The Gadget Room. Knowing little about motherboards, CJ had left the guys to assemble the room. She regretted it now. "Jeez, what are all these pizza boxes doing here? And dirty movies...okay..."

She headed to the main computer. "Alright, I need to to contact all the JLR members."

First she called Britannica. "Hey, this is Britannica, me and the Mrs. are out on our Hoonymoon, so leave a message and I'll call you back."

"Britt, this is CJ. Call back...we might be getting a source of income soon."

Next was Wednesday. "Hey hotties! The pimpmaster's out right now, leave a message!"

Ace's, Nightwing's, and La Machine's were almost identical. "Dude, EXAMS! Leave a message."

RM552's and DLD's were also similar. "I'm busy. Leave a message."

CJ was about to call Harpy, but then realized her alter-ego wasn't due till around June 9th.

"Oh great. Well, someone better show up. This CSF sounds only like a corny group, but I can't take my chances." Looking around to see that no one was there, CJ grins and says something she had never said before.

"JLR, ASSEMBLE!"

"Ya don't have to yell. I'm right behind you."

Shocked and shaking in her... boots, Cowgirl Jack turned around. "Oh, sorry. Your message said you were out, AGW."

"I AM out," he retorted, "and it's just Wednesday now."

"Just Wednesday? When did that happen?"

"At the convention, remember?"

"Ummm .... No."

"Well, just give it a few days. Either way, Nightwing's upstairs doing that glowing/meditating thing, 552's got writer's block, and Harpy's not due 'til around June 9th."

"Ok, well... Hey wait! How do YOU know when Harpy's due?"

Wednesday looked gravely into CJ's eyes. "We've all marked our calendars."

"Ok, well... Hey!"

"What has happened, my friends? Do we have a new mission." (young) Nightwing, aka Brian Alexander Ortiz, floated down the basement steps.

"Hey," Wednesday said, glad to see his friend no longer glowing... as much. "Thought you were meditating."

"I felt a disturbance in the force."

"Right . Well someone shake the cobwebs out of 552's head." The JLR's new leader glanced at her teammates. "We've got a new adventure."

"Great!" In truth Wednesday's feelings were mixed. He welcomed every adventure (and, of course, the promise of fame) but secretly wished the team had been given more time to recover from their last emprise. "I just hope it's local, though. After what happened to Dun-Like-Dinner's jet..." Wednesday trailed off while (young) Nightwing lowered his head in memory of their fallen transport.

"Why don't I remember any of this ?"

"Just give it a few weeks, Cowgirl" (young) Nightwing said with trademark calm. "Everything will tie together in time."

"Well, it better. If I'm gonna lead this team in Big City, I need to be up to date on these things."

"Worry not," Wednesday said, mocking Nightwing's trademark calm. "All good things in time." Ignoring (young)'s cold stare he added, "So I'd hate to be the one to bring this up again [see The Convention Adventure], but how the heck are we supposed to get anywhere? We have no transportation, remember?"

552 stomped down the basement steps, wiping dark grease from his arms with a dingy rag. "Don't worry guys--"



"Umm... and girl. I fixed the jet."

"What !?"

Narrator:
What?
Find out next post...

(young) Nightwing-You you... you what!?!

RM552-I said I fixed the plane. Come on and take a look at 'er.

Cowgirl Jack-Umm.. I'm not sure...

RM552- Oh come on. Just follow me to the field to see.

They follow RM552 to the plane in the field outside their barn.

Wednesday-What in the world is that hunk of junk?

RM552-That's our new and improved jet.

(young) Nightwing-It's held together by duct-tape and super glue...

RM552-Relax guys, I read a book on how to fix up the plane, see?

(RM holds up a book.)

Cowgirl Jack-Thats an issue of Sports Illustrated.

Wednesday- SWIMSUIT EDITION!!! Let me see that RM. Ohhh... Mrs October you could Trick or Treat me any time, raarrgnn.

RM552-Oop.. Wrong book. (hee-hee)
Ah here it is.

(RM552 holds up a book titled Plane Repair for Dummies.)

(young)Nightwing- Well at least he got the right titled book for him.

RM552- Hardy Har Har o yee of little faith

Cowgirl Jack- Alright look we don't really have any other choice but to ride the jet... considering it works at all.

(young) Nightwing- Aren't you already air sick? And your still willing to ride that deathtrap.

CJ- Yes but what can I say we need the money?

Wednesday- True enough. Alright then JLR as...

CJ- Hey I get to say that!

JLR Assemble!!!

CJ- OK first we pick everyone else up and then head straight for the Big City
(On the jet waiting to take off)

RM552 on speaker-Ladies and Gentlemen, we will be taking off shortly. Once we get to a steady altitude my airline attendant Wednesday will be around to serve you some complimentary peanuts and drinks.

CJ- Wait shouldn't we go over the safety procedures again?

(y)N-It'll be ok CJ, I can use some of my meditating powers to help calm you.

CJ-Really?

(y)N-Of course. And if that doesn't work I packed some parachutes in my carry on.

CJ-Always be prepared.

(y)N-Thats my motto

(After takeoff in the cockpit)

Wednesday- hey why do I hafta where this dress?

RM552-Because you're my flight attendant.

Wednesday-

Wednesday- Alright well I have to go to the bathroom. You be okay flying?

Sure

Alright.

(A little later)

Wednesday-Hey RM wheres the toilet paper?

RM552-There should be a stack of it on the floor.

Wednesday-But theres only old issues of Marville

RM552-Exactly! Just be careful of the staples.

Wednesday-Oww

As the JLR make their landing to the Big City, Ambassador Shrinkle awaits them.

Shrinkle- Please, JLR!! There's no time for formalities. The Big City Big Citybank is being attacked by one of the members of the CSF!

CJ- Which bank? Is it that one?

Shrinkle- No that's the Big City Bank

CJ- But that's what you just said.

Shrinkle- No, I'm talking about the Big City Big Citybank. That's the regular Big City Bank. Then there's the Big City Citybank, which isn't as big as the Big City Big Citybank but bigger than the Big City Bank, and even the Bank of Big City, which is owned by Circuit City and Bob's Big Boy-

552- Will you shut the hell up, now?

Wed- Just take us to the bad guy knocking things down.

Shrinkle- This way.

As the team is escorted through downtown Big City, they see a mammoth figure bowling through the Big City Big Citybank.

Wed- Look at the size of him!

yNW- He's crushing the bank like it's paper!

CJ- Okay, guys, flank him on both sides. Run tactical #4F5. yNW see if you can draw him out of the bank.

The guys execute the strategy, as CJ watches them run at the large figure about a half mile away. A second later, they come hurling back towards her, their attempts severely failed.

yNW, Wed, and 552- aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

(CRASH)

CJ- Are you guys okay?

yNW- CJ, you are not going to believe this!

552- I think I pulled my spleen.

yNW- That was La Machine!

(silence!)

CJ-.......Can you really pull your spleen?

Ace- La Machine?!? We have to go now.

(young)- What? But we haven't done anyth-

Ace- Now!

(young)- But I think we can tak-

Ace- NOW!

Away from the fight and back at the Ambassadors office...

CJ- Well this is certainly unexpected. What do you think caused him to go all "Lex Luthor".

552- Could be mind control by the CSF. Or a robot. Or maybe an evil clone!

CJ- Nah. Sound too cliche to me.

552- Maybe it was his transformation over to Vegi-La!

Ace- That would explain it...

Wednesday- This is impossible! It can't be La Machine! He wouldn't do this! He couldn't!

552- I'm sorry Wednesday... but it looks that way. And if it is true that he's turned I'm afraid we're going to have to take him down.

(young)- Well that shouldn't be to hard. La always has been a few cards short of a full deck.

Ace- No. La may act like a complete idiot sometimes but don't let that fool you. If you think this is going to be a piece of cake you're severly mistaken and underestimating him way too much. I always have felt he was one of the more powerful members of the team, even moreso now with his new Vegi-powers.

CJ- So, then how are we supposed to stop him?

552- It won't be easy. Especially if he's in league with the CSF.

Ace- Yeah, and if I'm right about this then we're going to need help. A lot of help.

....hmmm.....

(Ace grins)

Wednesday- A-a-a-c-e-e... what's that smile on you're face? Tell me you're not thinking what I think you're thinking...

Ace- Oh I'm thinking... Were going to need....

Wednesday- Don't say it!

Ace- ...a membership drive.

Wednesday- (sigh) He said it...

Alrighty then. RM go get the Ambassador. Tell him we'll need to set up an impromptu membership drive and to round up all of the heroes here in Big City.

The Ambassador's Private Chambers: The JLR sit on one side of a long table, facing the rest of the room. They're all anxious to see what Big City's heroes have to offer.

Ace sharpens his pencil and looks down at his clipboard, ready to make every note necessary to put together the best anti-Vegi-La team ever assembled.

Ambassador: Are you sure this is safe?

Wednesday: Safe as a rabid koala bear in the vegitable aisle.

Ambassador: What?

Registered Member 552: Bring in the first candidate!

The doors open and a man dressed in a red and yellow foam suit walks in, his cape flapping behind.

Ace: State your name and power.

Candidate 1: My name is The Tube. I can fly and have enough strength in my left arm to punch a hole clear through any wall.

Registered Member 552: That's great! How far can you fly?

The Tube: About five feet!

Registered Member 552: Five feet?

The Tube: Seven on a downhill.

Wednesday: ...Alrighty then. Let's see you punch a hole in that wall.

The Tube: Is it paper?

Cowgirl Jack: No.

The Tube: Thin cardboard?

Cowgirl Jack: No.

The Tube: If it's glass it might cut--

Ace: Next!

A strange looking man in a black trenchcoat with thick glasses walks in. He's kinda sweaty.

Ace: Your name and power, please.

Candidate 2: My name is Virgil, I can turn myself invisible...

Cowgirl Jack: That's interesting.

Virgil: I use it to go into women's locker rooms and take pictures for my private collection. Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Wednesday: I like him!

Cowgirl Jack: Next!

After several hours of not much better a giant red and blue robot walks in.

Ace: Name and power, please.

Candidate 43: Prime. Optimus Prime. I transform.

Registered Member 552: Sounds interesting. Could you show--

Suddenly, the robot shifts and moves body parts, wheels pop out from nowhere, and he turns into a semi truck. Then, a trailer busts through the wall of the room and connects to the back.

Ambassador: Ah!

Midnight Spectre: Coolest. Hero. Ever!

Ace: Let me be the first to shake your hand and welcome you to the Justice League--

Man: Wait!

A man in a business suit walks in through the hole in the wall carrying a briefcase. He slams the case on the table in front of Ace and opens it. It's filled with papers which the man scurries through.

Man: My name is Mr. Walken and I'm the Chief Attorney for Hasbro Entertainment.

Ace: I'm sorry, Chief Attorney for Hasbro Entertainment, but we were just about to welcome our first new member and you'll have to wait your turn.

Mr. Walken: No, you don't understand. As you can see on his contract right here, it states that Mr. Prime is owned by Hasbro.

Ace: What?!

Mr. Walken: Oh, and you owe us money for this cameo. Sorry.

Ace: But we finally...

Mr. Walken: Come on, Prime. Roll out.

Optimus Prime:

Ace: Name. Power.

Candidate 63 [striking a triumphant pose]: My name is Water Dude.

Cowgirl Jack: Dumb name, but cool pose. And he's all muscley.

Registered Member 552: What do you do, Water Dude?

Water Dude: I can talk to fish.

JLR:

Water Dude: What?

Registered Member 552: That's a stupid super power.

Wednesday: The dumbest.

Cowgirl Jack: I can talk to my rabbit, but you don't see me dressing up in tacky orange and green.

Water Dude: Don't laugh at me! I've got a can of tuna!

JLR: X 5.

Wednesday: NEXT!

RM 552- NO! I cant take any more of these! I need a break.

(young)- I agree I think a short recess would be best.

Ace-Yeah, okay, we'll take a 10-minute break.

The team gets up and gathers around a water cooler in the office.

Wednesday- Man that was cruel and unusual.

CJ- You're telling me, besides that OP guy, who, thanks to him, we're now in debt for this mission, there wasn't one decent hero among them.

RM 552- Maybe we'll have more luck with the rest.

CJ- So how many more of those interviews are we going to have to go through?

(young) looks out the window and sees the line of heroes going down the sidewalk and rounding the corner.

(young)- Man looks like there was a big turnout. So why couldn't any of these heroes handle the CSF and La Machine.

Wednesday- Apparently they all went on strike. They wanted better benefits and pay.

Ace- HA! Well they won't be getting that here!

RM 552- Alright guys, we'd better get back to work. It looks like this could take a while.

Ace- Okay

Ace presses a button to a speaker outside. Hero 23, We're ready for you to come in and interview now.

HERO 23

Wednesday- Hi. Lets see, your name is...

Hero 23- My name is Di Mid-La Cowace Wedtanica 552

JLR- Ummmm...

552- Thats a uh... a bit of a mouthful. Maybe you should just give us a bit of a rundown of your powers.

Di Mid-La blah blah blah- Ah of course. Well, I have some psychic abilities, super strength, a super flicking ability, these spiked boots that I wear; which ,I know technically don't count as a super power, but they look great on me, don't they; independent third toe movement, information overload, and all of these powers are augmented depending upon how a sports team is doing, with the random sports team changing every 7 days.

The JLR is left speechless and wide-eyed. Wednesday is the first to speak

Wednesday- Umm, group huddle guys!

RM- God, Did you hear all of those powers he had? What should we do?

Ace- Well we cant let him on the team. He'll make us all look bad in comparison. He's like all of us rolled into one.

Wednesday- Relax guys, I'll handle it.

He turns from his teammates and back to the hero flashing a smile.

Wednesday- Thank you, that'll be all.

Hero- What?!?

Wednesday- We'll let you know.

Hero- But I'm the best quail-

Wednesday- Sir, if you do not calm down I'm going to have to call security.

Hero- But-

Wednesday pushes the speaker button and speaks into the speaker.

Wednesday- Security, we've got a problem.

Security comes in and starts dragging him out of the room.

Hero- This.. this is crazy! No, no wait! I also make a delicious apple crisp... and.... and I'll clean up after all the rest of the team! I swear! I used to be a janito-

SLAM

Wednesday- Whew! What a nut, huh?

Hero 35

(young)- Whos next?

Ace- Hero 35 is.

CJ-Aright Hero 35 you can come in now.

In walks an ordinary man in a business suit.

CJ- Uh, it says here that your name is Super Steve.

Super Steve- Yes thats right.

CJ- Okay and what superpowers do you have, Super Steve?

Super Steve- Uh none, actually

CJ- Oh. Well thats uh thats okay. So then why do you want to join the JLR?

Super Steve- Well I'm glad you mentioned that. You all look like smart young ladies and gentlemen-

-but I'll bet you all get into many a tumble, am I right?

RM 552- Well, yeah but we're super heroes...

Super Steve- ...And I'll bet most insurance companies turn you down due to the high risk factors don't th-

RM 552- I'm sorry, actually we learned our lesson about insurance a couple of adventures ago so we're pretty much set.

Super Steve- Oh, well lucky for you I also sell timeshares in my spare time. Think about it. You could use a place to go to and relax after those long grueling battles, huh?

Ace- (sigh)

Next!

Alright the next hero is... Oh you've got to be kidding me. Pirate Pete?!?

Pirate Pete- Right here matey!

CJ- Oh God... Alright Pete, why do you want to join the team?

Argh! Me corporation asked me to join ye landlubbers team for some free publicity. We can work it all out. We'll have a whole line of JL-Argh! Action figures in our treasure chest meals! Plus all team-mateys get 20 percent discounts on all meals!
Ace- ....no thanks...

Pirate Pete- Ah.... Arghhhhh.....

Midnight Spectre 2.0: How many have we seen now?

Cowgirl Jack: 257.

Registered Member #552: Gob, some of these "heroes" are so lame. The Ghost Unicylcer, I ask you. Can't we just recall Brit and Di Bat Pho?

Wednesday: I don't think they would be too happy. They are on their honeymoon.

Ace: Whose stoopid idea was this membership drive anyway?

JLR:

Ace: Oh yeah...

MS2: Let's get this over with. Who's next?

CJ: Hero 258 - The Ice Cream Man.

RM 552: The Ice Cream Man!?! You're kidding right?

Ace: I don't know, some ice cream wouldn't go down too badly about now.

Wed: Does anyone else hear Greensleeves?

Suddenly a multi-coloured mass of thick liquid pours into the room.

JLR: Ewww

The liquid morphs into a humanoid shape. That of The Ice Cream Man! He strikes a dramatic pose.

ICM: Greetings fellow heroes!

RM552: You're kidding, right?

ICM: [standing normally] Yeah, just joking. How do you do, I'm...

JLR: The Ice Cream Man.

ICM: Oh yeah. Right. Sorry, I hate interviews.

CJ: It's OK Mr. Man, just relax. Please tell us why you would be an assest to the JLR?

ICM: Well my body is made of 100% ice creamy goodness. I can generate a variety of flavours and control the consistancy of my body - from melted, as you saw earlier, to ice-rock hard. This gives me the ability to shape shift, like so...

The Ice Cream Man, transforms one of his fists into a giant hammer, stretches his body across the room, turns into a giant ice cream ball, then back to human form.

ICM: I can also create ice cream constructs, like this....

He creates a shield out of rum and raisen, zooms accross the room on a vanilla ice cream sled, creates a raspberry ripple cage and follows up with a banana ice cream castle.

ICM: I'm also great for summer barbeques and children's parties. So what do you think?

Ace: Delicious...

ICM: Pardon?

MS2: [nudging Ace] What my colleague meant to say was that we are interviewing a lot of applicants today. We will be contacting successful applicants towards the end of the week.

ICM: Great. Looking forward to it.

CJ: Thank you for coming today.

ICM: Thanks for having me. Bye now!

After the would-be JLRer leaves the room...

CJ: Well that one didn't go too badly.

RM 552: Except he's left melting ice cream all over the floor. Who's going to clean that up?

MS2: Sit down, Ace...

CJ: OK, next on the list is... Stick Insect Man.

JLR: *sigh*

Wed: Next!

Cowgirl Jack: Bathroom break for me. Aquaint the Stick-Guy. I'll be right back.

[Enter Stick Insect-Man]

Stick Insect-Man: Leem Leem! ! ![begins to lick the ice-cream trail]

Wednesday: What did he just say?

Ace: Pretty cool for a Praying-Mantis guy, he's scary enough. . .

RM552: . . . but can he even talk to us? Hello?

Stick Insect-Man: Leem!

Wednesday: Hey! Stick-Man! What-are-your-powers??

[Stick Insect-Man stands on his hind legs and towers over the League.]

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Wait. . . Let's see where he goes with this. . .

[Enter another Stick Insect-Man 30% taller than the present ones height. It becomes mounted by Stick Insect-Man 1 and is furiously humped on the JLR table]

Wednesday: Uhhh...

[During ferocious gyration, the larger Stick Insect-Man turns its head and begins to chomp on the smaller Insect-Man's cranium releasing yellowish viscous fluids from its newly cracked exoskelatal skull]

[Enter Cowgirk Jack]

Cowgirl Jack: What th--fuckin' WHAT??

Ace: Fer crissake Leaguers get them outta here!

JLR: [Destroys the remaining Stick Insect-Man/Woman]

[Moments Later. . .]

Cowgirl Jack: I am Sooooo not cleaning this up!

RM552: What a disaster. . . I'm about ready to give this day a rest. . .

Ace: No no. . .We really need to get to a set amount of progress, regardless of the results we yield. We can do a few more. . .

Wednesday: Fine fine. Okay. . .[Shakes random fluid off the clipboard] Hero 15! Enter!

[Enter a Vinyl clad hero with black hair and blue eyes. His boots strapped with way too many buckles any boot should have. His darkly-blue hued black leather vest is buttoned tightly up to his collar. His arms appear bionic and robotized adorned with random buttons, knobs and gadgetry. Over his eyes are sunglasses that run with digital code raining down the lenses.]

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Well about time. Looks like a possible hero. What's your name, hero?

Fused: Fused, Sir.

Wednesday: Powers?

Fused: Well. . .one of my powers lie in my technology. See my bionix here? [Blue electric charges fizzle throughout his forearms] When I fire these energy bolts into my enemy it sends them into a system shock. Audio wavelengths are sent to your brain and blaring techno synth-loops render you incapacitaed into a dance frenzy of euphoria! ! !

Ace: Impressive talk, Fused. Let's test your mettle. . .Ceej, 552?

Cowgirl Jack: You got it.

RM552: No Sweat.

Fused: I warn you guys, this is experimental technology and I wouldnt want to hurt you too badly.

Cowgirl Jack: Give it your best, Hotshot.

Fused: You asked for it! Feel the euphoria! ! ! !

[Fused releases a blue charge of electricity onto CJ and RM552 and wailing house music blares from his bionic appendages]

CJ/RM552:

[Fused releases another bolt but his opponents appear unphased]

Fused: Uhm. . . no titillation effect?

Cowgirl Jack: Nope

Fused: Nothing?

Cowgirl Jack: Nada

[RM552 shifts his hip inward and stands akwardly]

Wednesday: RM, do you have a hard-on?

RM552: No! What the fuck are you looking for?

Cowgirl Jack: That's your power? To give Registered Member #552 a boner?

Fused: Listen...It's worked before...I told you it was experimental technology. OK so I have a FEW kinks to work out. Awww. . . fuck.

[Editorial note: minor retcon]

Ace, Midnight Spectre 2.0, Wednesday, and Cowgirl Jack are mulling it over.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: For a hero, Fused seems to cuss a lot. Does he have to say that word so often?

Ace: Fuck?

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Errr... No thank you.

Ace: Well, I say he's in. All else fails, he could slow Vegi-La down with that 'boner ray' of his.

Wednesday: So Fused and The Ice Cream Man are in.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Actually, we never did agree on The Ice Cream Man. I still think it's a dumb name.

Wednesday: Right! Fused and The Ice Cream Man are in.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Fused is in. The Ice Cream Man is uncertain at best.

Wednesday: Okay, so Fused and The Ice Cream Man are in.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: You're ignoring me again.

Wednesday: Indeed I am !

Ace: How many 'heroes' have we interviewed.

Cowgirl Jack [looking at the list]: 260.5. That half-guy was eerie.

Ace: And we only have one new member so far?

Wednesday: Two.

Ace: One.

Wednesday: One and a half?

Ace: Deal. Now where's Registered Member? He hasn't been in the scene since that whole Fused incident with the 'boner ray.'

Cowgirl Jack: You really enjoy saying 'boner ray,' don't you?

Ace:

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Well, apparently, he had to go to the restroom.

Ace: At a time like this?

Midnight Spectre 2.0: He said he had to go... register his member.

10:30pm

If Mom was home, she was going to kill me.

I had finally made it to the front of the line. I'd been queuing since 6am, which gave me a lot of time to get to know the heroes around me. A gentleman named Captain Ultimo and a.... a.... something, called Wild Thing.

As I suspected, Captain Ultimo had been in the interview room a long time. While we had been queuing, he had told me of his many heroic exploits. I was sure he was going to be a shoe-in. Wild Thing, tended to sniff people's butts and drooled a lot. I'm not even going to tell you what he did when we went past a fire hydrant.

"Next", came a voice from the room.

As I walked in, I surveyed the interview panel:
A man in regal attire, his feet crossed on the desk, his hands cradling his stomach, and snoring lightly.
Next to him sat a younger man, making a tower out of playing cards.
In the middle, sat an attractive lady, wearing a wild-west outfit, going over some notes.
Next was a muscular, stern-looking man. He sat upright, his hands laying flat on the desk. His eyes glowed brilliant blue. Though he looked directly in front of him, I felt as if he was scanning my mind, observing my every move.
Finally a man wearing a t-shirt with the wording I'll take it Any Given Wednesday.... Thursday.... Friday....
I wish I had time to find out more about this Justice League...

The man in the T-Shirt yelled out, "I said... Next"!

I gave a little cough.

"Oh". Said the startled man, "There you are!"

The woman nudged the man to her right, he quickly whipped away his card tower, nudging the sleeping man next to him. The woken man sat up straight, picked up his pen and started writing. "That was an... interesting... explanation Captain Ultimo..."

"This is our next applicant…", said the woman, checking her notes, before raising her head and looking at me, with a sweet smile, "This is Centurian".

"Points for the cool name", said the regal man. "Though you'll need to work on the costume".

Damn. Maybe I should have worn something other than my jeans and sweat-shirt.

"He is a bit small isn't he?", said the man next to him.

"Oh no", I thought. "They're going to play the age card".

"Sorry kid, we're not looking for a mascot”, said the man in the T-shirt.

"That is a valid comment, Wednesday", said the stern looking man, his eyes growing dimmer. Not that I felt less nervous in front of him, his voice sounded very commanding. "This isn't a game, boy. We are up against deadly threats all the time".

"I... I'm 17", I managed to get out. In a voice, a bit higher than I would have liked.

The woman put a gentle restraining hand on the stern-man's arm. "Now Midnight, Centurian has come to apply for membership of the JLR, we should at least hear him out".

For the first time, the man showed some glimmer of emotion, relaxing slightly at the woman's touch. “Agreed".

"So why do you want to join the JLR?", asked the woman.

"To be honest, I've never heard of you until I saw your ad in the local paper.", I replied.

The JLR looked shocked. The man Midnight had called Wednesday, spat out the coffee he had just taken a sip of.

"We are the Justice League Reality, dammit"! Shouted the regal looking man as he jumped out of his chair. "We've saved Olympus, beaten the Ultimates and a whole heap of other heroes.....

"Who weren't heroes", observed Midnight.

"We've averted war between Doesntreallyexistia and Chantania...", continued the regal man.

"Wasn't that TASK Force"? Asked the man next to him.

"I give up"! Said the man, as he sat down again.

"Sorry", I replied. "I only gained my abilities about a month ago. But I thought they might be useful to you".

"Well allow me to introduce ourselves", suggested the woman. "This is Registered Member 552, Ace, Midnight Spectre and Wednesday. I’m Cowgirl Jack. Together, we are the Justice League Reality. Dedicated to truth, justice..."

"And damn fine apple crisp", interjected Wednesday.

"So what is it you do, exactly"? Asked Ace.

I produced my mystical percentile dice.

"Hey!", said Ace, "I've got the market cornered on casino-related powers, thank you".

"My abilities aren't casino related", I protested. "They're D&D related".

"D&D?", queried Registered Member.
"Geek", said Wednesday.
"Oh, that's OK then", conceded Ace.
"Would you care to elaborate further, Centurian"? Asked Midnight Spectre.

"With a role of my mystical percentile dice, I can sort of transform myself into one of 100 D&D related adventurers or creatures. Hence my code-name Centurian".

“100”!?! Said, Cowgirl Jack.

"That's sounds quite handy", said Ace.

"Would you care to elaborate on the 'sort of'"? Asked Midnight Spectre.

"Well.... I guess transformed isn't the right word. Probably 'replaced' would be a better term", I suggested. "…Though I am able to communicate with them, via some form of telepathic link", I added quickly.

"So what are these adventurers and creatures you get replaced by?", asked the Registered Member.

"Well so far", I replied, "a Dwarven fighter-thief, an Elvin archer, a berserker Hobbit..."

Much to my embarrassment, the JLR burst out laughing. This wasn't going well. I had to pull out the big creatures. "Also a Troll, Minotaur and a Pegasus".

"That sounds more impressive", said Cowgirl Jack. "But that's a bit shy of 100".

"I haven't had time to find out all of the adventurers or creatures yet. It all depends on the dice roll..."

"So there is an element of randomness"? Asked Midnight.

"Well, um, yes". I conceded.

"Hmmm", said Wednesday. "That can't be helpful.

"Yeah", said Ace, with a sly grin.

"Hey", shot back Wednesday.

"So how long do these 'swaps' last"? Asked Cowgirl Jack.

"About three hours", I replied. "Would you like me to demonstrate”?

“Please do”, said Cowgirl Jack.

I shook the dice in my hand a couple of times and released them onto a nearby table. A 35. Then I felt the beginnings of the familiar process. The JLR quickly grabbed their notes as the surrounding air rushed towards me. Mystical energy surrounded my body, as the portal opened around me. The JLR shielded their eyes from the bright light, except for Midnight Spectre. I could feel myself being pulled into the dimensional rift. Then I found myself in the other dimension, observing my replacement standing in the interview room, in front of the JLR. I was pleased to note they looked impressed.

“Centurian”? Asked Cowgirl Jack.

“Centurian? Who is this Centurian? I am known as Tarragorn…”, replied my adventurous counterpart, Tarragorn, the Half-Elvin Ranger. He quickly drew his sword.

Back at the JLR interview room…

Wed: Alrighty then. So what are we going to do with this one?

RM552: Well, for the codename alone, I say we consider him. [rubbing his bruised shoulder] And he sure knows how to dish out the lumps.

MS2: He’s too young. His abilities are too random. And his control over his alter-egos leaves a lot to be desired.

Ace: Sounds like he’ll fit right in, then.

Wed: Maybe we should refer him to the Reality Titans?

CJ: Otherwise we could offer him temporary membership. A sword or axe against a vegibeastal form could come in very handy.

Ace: Hey! We don't want to kill La Machine. Just stop him, right?

CJ: Remember Ace, Vegi-La has regenerative powers. It'll take a lot to slow him down.

Ace: Oh yeah.

Wed: What if we end up with the berserker Hobbit?

RM552: Well that should be good for entertainment value.

Ace: OK. Let’s give the kid a break. I guess, we were all rookies when we started out.

MS2: I still say no.

Wed: I don’t know…? [looks to Cowgirl Jack] Temporary membership, huh?

CJ: Yep.

Wed: OK then. Let’s give him a go.

MS2: hmmm…

CJ: It’s OK Brian. Let him prove himself on the field. You can also offer him a few control techniques.

MS2: hmmm… OK. But under protest.

Wed: Alrighty then. Now we’ve got one and two half members.

Ace: So who’s next?

CJ: Um… Wild Thing.

Wednesday, Ace and Registered Member #552 burst into song

"… you make my heart sing…”

MS2 & CJ:

Wed, Ace & RM552:

Ace pushes the intercom button and calls in Wild Thing. A shaggy fur-covered humanoid bounds into the room on all fours. The first things the JLR notice are the sharp teeth and claws. The next is the lack of clothing.

JLR:

The man-beast sits on the floor and starts scratching behind his ear with his foot.

JLR:

CJ: Hello, Mr. Wild Thing…

Wild Thing responds by lolling his tongue out of his mouth.

Ace: So, why do ya want to join the JLR?

Wild Thing looks around the room, a big glob of drool hangs from his mouth.

JLR:

Wed: So would you like to demonstrate your abilities?

Wild Thing gets up off the floor, moves over to Wednesday and starts sniffing his crotch.

Wed:

JLR:

Wed: NEXT!!!!

Interlude 1 – JLR: The Honeymoon

The newly wed heroes Britannica and Di Bat Pho, are on the last leg of their around-the-world honeymoon, relaxing on the little-known island of Krakatini, somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.

The couple have built a hut on the secluded side of the island, away from the native village of the Sokitumi tribe, for a bit of privacy.

Di Bat Pho Britannica, is relaxing on a hammock, watching her husband pace up and down the hut. Di is wearing a grass skirt and bikini top. Britannica, is wearing light trousers, rolled up to his shins, with a matching waistcoat (unbuttoned), a long sleeve white shirt (with the sleeves rolled up), and a wide-brimmed straw hat.

Di Bat Pho Britannica Is everything alright, my husband?

Britannica Hmm. Oh yes, my wife. It's just that we've been on this island for about two weeks now, and I'm finding a bit disconcerting that there is no communications services. I’m feeling a bit… left out of things.

DBP: That is the whole point of coming here, my dear. So we could get away from things. And after the trouble we have had with the rest of our honeymoon, it is nice just to relax for a while.

Brit: I guess your right. But I just can’t shake this feeling that the JLR are going to need our help.

Di Bat Pho gets off the hammock, walks up to her husband and gives him a hug.

DBP: The League is capable of taking care of themselves…

Brit: We are talking about the Reality League, right?

DBP: We have been away for over two months, without the JLR needing to call for our assistance. I am sure they can manage for two more weeks.

Brit: I think that’s the other thing bothering me. The JLR haven’t called me yet.

DBP: Because they know we are on our honeymoon, and need time to relax.

Brit: [giving his wife a kiss] You are wise in all things and at all times. And with all the things we’ve been involved with on our honeymoon, you’re right we do need the rest. Heh. Capturing Saddam, that business on the Orient Express with Mr. Misinformation, defeating the Bug in London, fighting the Wendigo in Canada… [Britannica gives his wife another kiss]

Suddenly the ground begins to tremble.

Brit: Did the earth just move for you, too?

DBP: We are in the Pacific. Earth tremors are very common in this region.

Brit: Oh.

The ground begins to shake more violently.

Brit: That’s no tremor. It’s a full-blown earthquake! Quick get out!

Di Bat Pho and Britannica manage to get out of their hut, just before it collapses. They notice that the volcano in the middle of the island is beginning to spew out smoke.

Brit: I thought you said, that the volcano on this island was extinct?

DBP: That is what the brochure said.

Brit: Oh great. Well it was nice while it lasted.

DBP: We had better go to the village of the Sokitumi and see if they need our help.

Brit: Agreed. [Britannica pulls out a handkerchief and offers it to his wife to put over her nose and mouth] We had better get going. It will be a good hour and a half, to the village.

And with that, the two heroes make their way into the forest.

End of Interlude 1

MS: Alright, who's next?

RM552: It had better be someone good this time, I'm getting sick and tired of going through all these losers.

Ace: Yeah, 345 prospects and only a few worthwhile applicants

CJ: The next one is called.........Chessmaster 9000.53

Ace, Wed & RM552:

CJ: Well, that's what it says!

MS: Alright, let's get him in here, SEND IN CHESSMASTER 9000.53

In walked a normal looking bloke, about 6 feet tall, kinda skinny. He wore a brown suit with a multicolored tie, under his right arm he had a small box with intricate carvings and under his left arm he had a portable table and chair.

Chessmaster 9000.53: Hello, as you know I am the Chessmaster 9000.53, the only undefeated chessmaster in the history of this world.

Wednesday: Yes, yes, whatever........dork

CJ: Heeey, be nice to our guest

Wednesday: hehe, ehhh, what is your power?

Chessmaster: I thought you'd never ask, allow me to demonstrate

With that he took his portable table and chair and placed them on the floor. He sat down on the chair and opened the box. Inside the JLR could see a chessboard, chesspieces and a clock. Soon the Chessmaster had placed all his pieces on the board.

Chessmaster: Ahh, well, you see, being a chessmaster my powers are chess orientated!

JLR:

Chessmaster: I thought that emoticon might appear, suffice it to say that my power can be very useful to coordinating your team battles.

JLR:

Chessmaster: ummm, yees. Well, let's see. Mr. Midnight Spectre, you will be the tower, Mr. Ace will be the Bishop, Mr. Wednesday will be...

Wednesday: Everybody knows that I'M THE KING!!!

Chessmaster: a pawn

Wednesday: WHAT!!

JLR-Wednesday:

Chessmaster: Miss Cowgirl Jack shall be the Queen and Mr. RM552 shall be the King.

MS: That's all very good, but what does this have to do with your power?

Chessmaster: Knight to D4

Suddenly Midnight Spectre moved in a diagonal line towards the wall, and stopped when his nose was an inch from the bricks.

JLR:

MS: How did you do that?

Chessmaster: Quite simple actually, my powers are, as I said, chess orientated. I designate pieces to various people, and when I move them around on this board, so do the people in question move around in reality.

CJ: So, you can just move people around at whim?

Chessmaster: Well, not exactly at whim, you see this clock? it has to count down an entire minute, or the enemy must make a move before I can move another piece.

RM552: So, you're saying that we have to stay still for a minute, or until the enemy makes his move?

Chessmaster: Oh no, you can move around as much as you like....KNIGHTTOD4

Suddenly Midnight Spectre who was going back to his chair was whipped backwards and straight into wall this time, fortunately the wall yielded before Midnight Spectre did

MS:

Chessmaster:

Wednesday: Cool power, well, We'll consider your application and give you a call when we have decided.

Ace: Yes, but I'm sure that you will be one of our top candidates!

Chessmaster: Ahh, thank you very much

And with that he packed all his things together, threw the table and chair into the small box and jumped into it himself, and he was gone.

RM552: ummm, what just happened?

CJ: You know, small spaces teleport people!

RM552: Right, right.....I like him..

MS: I don't!

Wednesday:

Ace: I think we should consider him, his power could come in handy, besides, chess is about strategy, and he might bring that most missed of elements into our group

CJ: We'll put his application in the good, albeit very small pile of applicants worth considering.

MS: NEXT!!!

Hours pass and few heroes even pass as acceptable to join into the JLR. The JLR continue to sit bored in the big stuffy office, taking another break. RM and Cowgirl are sitting on a couch flipping through channels on tv. Ace has out his deck of cards and begins building another house of cards. Wednesday watches and tries to "accidentally" blow it down.

Ace- I wouldn't waste my breath with that Wed. This house is indestructible. One of the tricks I picked up in that book RM had me read.

Wednesday- You mean you've actually been reading that huge manual?

Ace- Well, actually I just started when all this trouble with Vegi-La began. I'm all the way up to Chapter 2.

Wednesday- Really? So how much more do you have to read?

Ace- Uhmm... about 2398 more chapters...

Wednesday- So it's indestructible, huh? We'll see about that.... I bet you 50 bucks I can knock it down.

Wednesday climbs up the card tower and starts jumping up and down on top of it.

Midnight Spectre- So out of a possible 400 candidates for a new membership to our team only 4 have made the cut.

RM- So is 4 going to be enough?

Midnight- I still think we would've been enough...

Ace- (Clearing his throat) Yes RM I think 4 should be enough.

RM- Good! Then I hereby call this JLR membership drive to-

Ace- Hey RM turn the volume up on that tv would you.

RM- (Rolling eyes) Oh-kay...

The team turns their attention to over to the tv where a show has been interrupted with a live news broadcast.

"-at the Big City Big Art Museum where one of Big Cities own heroes, Hybrid has come to stop this terrible monsters attacks."

On the screen the live broadcast shows Hybrid, a tall, medium built primal looking young man wearing only black cargo pants with a utility belt a white t-shirt and a pair of boots.

Hybrid- Allright, guy, I'll give you a chance to give up before I start kicking your butt back to whatever rock you crawled out from.

Midnight Spectre- Now that guy looks pretty impressive.

With Hybrids warning Vegi-La pulls back a massive arm and swings it right into Hybrid. He flies back hard into a brick wall.

Midnight- Ow! Or maybe not...

Hybrid- Oof... alright, you see, now you've made me angry. Before I was just going to stop you, but now... Now I'm going to hurt you!

Hybrid gets back up and jumps at Vegi-La. Vegi-La catches him by the leg and starts spinning him around in circles.

Hybrid- Woah, man, getting kinda dizzy here.

Vegi-La continues spinning him and lets go of his feet. Hybrid shoots into the air and goes off the t.v. screen.

JLR- *sigh*

RM- Okay then as I was saying before I hereby call this JLR membership drive to an-

SUDDENLY

Arghhhhh!

Crash!

Hybrid crashes through the roof of the building and lands on Ace's house of cards with Wednesday still on it. The cards go flying in every direction.

Ace looking dumbfounded- My card house!

Wednesday- Ha! Told ya I could knock it down.

Cowgirl Jack- What the hell?

Hybrid gets up and starts rubbing his head before he notices the other heroes all looking at him.

Hybrid- Oh. Hiya. Ummm... look, sorry about your roof there. Looks like a little faulty architecture there... or maybe some termites. I'm, uh, sure you'll be able to patch that up with a few wood boards or...

More of the roof crashes down.

Hybrid- or you know maybe a tarp.

The rest of the roof collapse to the ground.

Hybrid- Actually I hear sun roofs are really in this season.

It starts raining.

Hybrid- Eeeh. But it.d probably be best to just get a whole new roof. Anyways I should probably get going now...

Midnight- Hold it! You're Hybrid right?

Hybrid- Yeah that's me. Who's askin'?

Wednesday- We're the JLR, Hybrid. We saw you on the tv fighting Vegi-La.

Hybrid- Vegi-La?

Ace- That monster you just fought. Long story. Look, we're trying to get together more heroes to help take him down. How would you like to join our team.

Hybrid looks deep in thought with a serious face for just a moment... then he bust out laughing.

Hybrid- Bwahahaha! The JLR. What's that stand for, the Justice League Reality?

RM- Act.. Actually yeah...

Hybrid- Hahaha. Look I'm sorry, no offense or anything. I'm just not into working on a team.

Hybrid looks around at all the heroes in the room and stops in his tracks when he sees CJ.

Hybrid- Hmm... Then again...

Suddenly huge colorful feathers begin popping out of Hybrids pants.

RM- What the! (Whispering to Wednesday) What's he doing?

Wednesday- (Whispering back) Hmmm. A peacock uses it's colorful feathers to attract a mate.

RM- He's a peacock?

Hybrid- Heh heh... Ooops how'd that happen.

He starts stuffing the feathers back into his pants.

Midnight- So, we have a deal then, Hybrid?

Hybrid- Yeah sure. Why not? Could be kinda fun.

Ace flipping through his cards manual- I don't get it. How could he've knocked it down?

Wednesday- Hey Ace, I'll take my money in fifty ones so I can roll around in it 'kay!

RM- Okay so then as I was saying I hereby call this JLR membership drive to an end!

Wednesday: Well now all we have to do is let the other applicants know they're successful.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Well there are six of us and four applicants to inform.

Ace: So we split-up, get the newbies, and meet back here, right?

MS2: Right.

Hybrid: Dibs on CJ!

CJ: I'm going to collect Centurian. You can help Wednesday collect the Ice Cream Man.

Hybrid: oh man… The Ice Cream Man!?! What the?

Wed: Don’t worry, by cock-feathered friend, we’ve got it sorted.

Midnight Spectre: I will collect Fused.

CJ: Good. Ace and RM552, you collect Chessmaster.

RM552: This had better not lead to some kind of Chess-King joke?

Hybrid: Chessmaster!?!

CJ: Now hurry. Vegi-La is already on a rampage. We don’t want to waste too much time.

With that, Cowgirl Jack, Midnight Spectre 2.0, Ace and Registered Member #552 depart, to fulfil their missions.

Hybrid: So shouldn’t we get going?

Wed: Hybrid, my man, stick with me and you’ll learn that being in the JLR doesn’t always involve rushing around. Grab a brew and pull up a seat, this’ll only take a sec.

Hybrid: Hey, I could get used to this.

Wednesday picks up the phone and dials a number. After a few seconds wait, the other end is picked up.

The Ice Cream Man: [very sleepily] Wha? Who? Hullo?

Wed: Hello. Is this the Ice Cream Man?

TICM: Uh, yeah. Who’s this? It’s 2am in the morning!

Wed: It’s Wednesday from the JLR. I’m ringing to offer you a place on the team.

TICM: [perking up] Wow! That’s great. I don’t know what to say.

Wed: Well there is one small condition.

TICM: Oh? What’s that?

Wed: You’ve got to change your name.

TICM: But why?

Wed: Well we’ve discussed it, and we’re all agreed. It sucks.

TICM: I thought it suited me quite well.

Wed: Look, do you want the job or not?

TICM: OK, OK. What do you want me to change it too?

Wed: Well how about Tutti Fruiti…

TICM: No #%&@!*& way!

Wed: Such language. OK the other suggestion was Neapolitan.

TICM: But I have mastery over much more than Neapolitan…. How about Transneapolitan?

Wed: It’ll do. Oh and by the way, can you get here a.s.a.p.? It’s just that we have a situation with a rampaging former team-mate.

Transneapolitan: OK. I’ll be there in half an hour.

Wed: Alrighty. We’ll see you then.

After a hard-nights work, Wednesday sits down in the comfy chair, accepts the beer offered by Hybrid and starts flicking through the cable channels.

Wed: See. Told you. No sweat.

*CRASH*

Suddenly the form of Vegi-La bursts through the wall.

Hybrid: You were saying?

Wed:

Meanwhile, in Fused's apartment. . .

Fused sits at his computer with a pair of headphones on while deciphering audio wavelengths.

Fused: That was really embarrassing. I know the frequencies are right. If I could just. . .

He diverts his attention from the audio streaming through the phones to light footsteps approaching his front door.

*knock knock*

Fused walks to his front door and opens it. There looms a figure in his doorway with an intense presence.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: The JLR needs you.

Fused: Whoa, really? After what happened to your teammate?

Midnight Spectre 2.0: I'm not entirely certain he didn't enjoy it. Besides, the JLR knows you have potential. And I can sense you have greater potential that you have not yet revealed. And Vegi-La has run amok in this city. We need all our available resources to stop him, including you.

Fused: I don't know how useful I can be. My tech as you saw isn't quite fully functional as of yet.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Registered Member 552 is an engineering and nanotechnological wizard. I'm sure he can augment your equipment as you like. That in addition to your meta-abilities can prove quite useful.

Fused: Wait...you know I have meta-powers?

Midnight Spectre 2.0: I'm very perceptive.

Fused: Well I hope he hooks me up regardless of what happened to him at our last encounter.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: It may take some persuasion. And I know you can be persuasive.

Fused: You know that was completely unintentional, right?

Midnight Spectre 2.0:. . .

Fused: . . .right?

Midnight Spectre 2.0:. . .

Fused: It's supposed to effect both men -and- women. Take them to euphoric bliss n' all. It's not like I was -trying- to give 'im a . . . . . .

Midnight Spectre 2.0: . . .

Fused: . . . aw fuck. . .

After the interview with the JLR, I asked Tarragorn to walk back to my home. It was going to be another 2 and ½ hours before we would be swapped back, and I couldn’t just walk through the front door as a Half-Elvin Ranger.

Also, Tarragorn didn’t have any money to catch a bus with.

Tarragorn was confused by the strange world he found himself in. I suggested we go to the park, thinking he might be a bit more comfortable near trees and gardens. As Tarragorn sat in the park he asked me to tell him about my world, of the “strange horse-less carriages and the strange street lamps with no flame”. I told him as much as I could. But I think I only confused him more.

Then I asked a question. One I had never thought of asking the others before. “Where do you come from Tarragorn”?

The ranger looked around, “I am no longer sure. I thought I was dead…”

“What do you mean”? I asked.

“The land I came from was under attack from a dark mage - Morthryn was his name - a man… a demon of ruthless ambition. We meant to stop him, to end his tyranny over our lands, our homes…”

“We”?

A sad smile played across the ranger’s lips. “I was one of a small band of… adventurers, who offered our unique skills and abilities to bring down the dark wizard. But he was prepared for us. He had magical… stones, that struck my fellows, Thorfen and Alovaren with a strange light..”

“Thorfen the Dwarf and Alovaren the Elvin archer”!?! I interrupted.

“Aye. You know of them”? Asked Tarragorn.

“Yes, we have swapped places before, like we have now. What happened in the battle? Did your party win”?

“Once Thorfen and Alovaren were struck, their bodies vanished, never to return. Alas, I do not know the fate of the rest of my party, as I was struck next by the strange force. Tis the last thing I remember, until I found myself in your world”.

“Obviously this wizard Morthryn and my dice are connected. It can’t have been coincidence that I summoned all three of you… Perhaps the disappearances are temporary”? I suggested. “Maybe this Morthryn collects people and creatures from your dimension, when I roll my dice? But tell me were, you travelling with a Troll, a Minotaur and a Pegasus”?

“I keep better company than Trolls, young Alex”, replied the Ranger, who sounded slightly offended by the question. “And I have not been fortunate enough to encounter a Pegasus. Alas, I fear Morthryn’s magiks are not as temporary as you would think. Or benign…”

But before we could continue our conversation further, our three hours were up. Now I was sitting in the park and Tarragorn was… well I hope he was safe, wherever he was.

I finally snuck into home at 1.40am. As I lay in my bed, my mind was swimming with all of the evening’s events.

Now I had this Morthryn dude to worry about. Obviously the stones Tarragorn was talking about were the dice. But why did I have them? Surely if that strange man knew what they did, he wouldn’t have given them away? And would the JLR accept me if they knew about the dies… questionable past?

These were questions that I would have to answer another day. My last thoughts before I succumbed to sleep were of the JLR. Especially Cowgirl Jack, and her sweet smile…

Tap Tap Tap

Suddenly a tapping on my bedroom window wakes me up.

I look at the clock. “2.30am? Ugh”, I mutter as I drag my sleepy body out of bed and walk over to the window to investigate.

I must be dreaming? “Cowgirl Jack”! I pinch myself, just to make sure I’m not. “Ow”.

“Hi Alex. And call me CJ. All my friends do”.

“But what are you doing here”? I whisper.

“Do you mind if I come in first”? Asks Cowgi… CJ, looking worriedly down towards the ground.

Then I remember. My bedroom is on the second storey. “Oh. Sure”, I say, as I unlatch the window.

CJ flies into my bedroom with her jet-propelled boots. They make a bit more noise than I would like, but I didn’t want to offend, CJ by telling her so. After she lands, she looks at me again, with that sweet smile of hers.

“Alex. Centurian. I am here to offer you membership with the Justice League…”

Did I just hear right? The JLR wants me! “Woo Hoo”! I yell out.

“Shush”, shushes CJ with a smile.

“Oops”, I say, quickly covering my mouth with my hands. After checking that my Mom hadn’t woken up, I ask in a whisper, “Really”?

“We can only offer you probationary membership at the moment. But we’ll make it permanent, depending on your performance and after a period of training with Midnight Spectre”.

My spirits fall at this news. “Midnight Spectre”?

“Don’t worry”, reassures CJ. “Underneath, he’s a big softy”.

I’m still not convinced. “So, do I get some nifty communicator device or something”?

CJ lets out a soft laugh. “Not yet”. She suddenly looks more serious. “I’m sorry to do this Centurian, I know it’s late. But we have an emergency. We need your help to stop Vegi-La”.

Oh no. I quickly think what would Mom do if she realised I wasn’t at home. She probably wouldn’t even notice. Plus it’s Saturday, so no school. “Sure”, I reply. “But I’m not quite dressed for it”, looking down at my pyjamas.

“Pack a change of cloths”, says CJ. “We have to leave at once”.

I throw some cloths into a backpack, pull on my robe, put my dice in a dice bag, placing them in my robe pocket and finally slip on my Nikes. “Let’s go”.

We climb out of the window, standing on the ledge. CJ puts her arms around me, and then… we are flying! High above the town. I can see for miles!

Wow, I’m the newest member of the JLR!

I’m going to be a hero!

I think I’m going to be sick…

Suddenly the forms of Hybrid and Wednesday burst through the wall.

Hybrid uses the agility and strength of an ape to grab hold of a tree branch while Wednesday hits the street gravel with a large thud. Wednesday, his concentration lost, reverts from steel to flesh and blood.

Without warning, a huge tendril shoots out from the new hole in the wall, its punch slicing through the trunk of Hybrid's tree. The hero has barely enough time to backflip onto the top of a car parked nearby.

Hybrid: Obviously, we're no match for--

Wednesday [coughing]: I know!

It's only two hours after midnight, but Hybrid's cat-like eyes and bat-like ears make up for the lack of light. He watches as Vegi-La's form expands to fill the ambassador's private chambers. Slowly, Vegi-La walks towards the two, destroying the rest of the wall without missing a step.

Hybrid: We should run and get the rest of the team.

Wednesday: Silly newbie. Rule number one: We're the Justice League Reality... We're too stupid to run.

Hybrid growls at Wednesday's calm. His nails dig deeper into the car’s roof.

Hybrid: That's a dumb rule. On a scale of one to ten, you're an idiot!

Wednesday smiles with confidence.

Wednesday: Now you're catching on.

Hybrid: Okay, so we don’t run. What do we do now?

Wednesday: You jump off that car.

Hybrid: What?

Wednesday grabs the bottom of the automobile and begins to lift. Amazed, Hybrid jumps off the tilting, one and a half ton car, leaving behind four claw holes.

With a yell, Wednesday sends the car airborne toward the monstrous figure. The car flies, flips, and crashes into the huge vegi-beast. A fiery explosion lights up the scene.

Wednesday: See? Told you. No sweat.

And without a sound, Vegi-La walks through the metal and flame without a scratch.

Hybrid: Well, glad that worked.

Wednesday: I don’t see you doing anything, “we should run and get the rest of the team”-boy.

Hybrid: Watch and learn, chrome dome.

Hybrid presses his claws against Wednesday’s metallic skin and starts to claw up and down. At first, he does little more than confuse his fellow hero. In seconds, however, his power kicks in, automatically adjusting the sharpness of his nails.

Wednesday: Ow!

Hybrid: That should do it.

With his own assured smile, Hybrid blends his body to his surroundings, rendering himself invisible.

Vegi-La stomps forwards, shaking the ground with every step. The only thing on his mind is absolute destruction.

SCRATCH!

It seemed to come from nowhere.

SCRATCH!

It’s not enough to hurt him badly, but Vegi-La is annoyed. He swings a tendril at the unseen figure, but only succeeds in slicing into his own trunk. For the first time, Vegi-La let’s out a yell.

SCRATCH!

This time it’s atop his head, or what there is of it. Vegi-La slaps the spot with four tendrils, but only lashes himself.

Tink, tink.

The imperceptible Hybrid sees the grenade, but it’s too late to run.

Another explosion lights up the view. Hybrid, his body reflexively encased in a hard, tough exoskeleton, is once again thrown into the air, but a full-metal Wednesday catches him just before he lands on the street.

Wednesday: Gotcha, kid.

Hybrid: My friends call me Adam, but you can call me Hybrid. Where’d that grenade come from?

Shadowy Figure: That would be us.

Even Hybrid’s cat eyes can hardly adjust enough to make out anything through the smoke.

Wednesday: Who are you?

Another Shadowy Figure: Why we’re the reason you’re here, of course. We’re the ones who turned your friend against you.

A Third Figure: We are the Crime Syndicate of Fiction and we have come to claim this city. We will crush anyone foolish enough to resist. Please try to resist.

Meanwhile…

Chessmaster 9000.53 [shaking 552’s hand]: I officially accept your invitation to join the Justice League Reality, though I must admit I’m not surprised.

Registered Member 552: Ummm… of course. Listen, you shouldn’t really—

Ace’s cell phone rings, interrupting RM’s one-sided heart-to-heart.

Ace: Hello?

Voice: Hello, Ace?! This is, La Machine! Listen, I know I told you guys I didn’t any phone calls interrupting my vacation, and I’m sure it’s late back home, but this couldn’t wait. I’m here in Japan, and I’m about to sign over exclusive rights to a brand new clothing line. Can you believe it? I’ve got the pen in my hand, yo! Nike’s got big plans for me, man! Shirts, jerseys, tennis shoes! They’re even gonna make briefs with my signature in the waist band. I’m gonna be rich!

Ace:

To be continued…

Hybrid: Show yourselves!

From the smoke a trail of fire is blasted onto our heroes. They harden their skin and squint their eyes from the heat blast of the flames thrown at them.

*tink tink*. . . *tink tink. . .*

Wednesday: Ohhh nn--

* BOOM! ! ! . . . * BOOOOM! ! ! *

The 2 heroes fly 15 feet into the air hurling backwards away from their enemies. Hybrid crashes into a lamp post bending it in half in his exoskeletal form as Wednesday tumbles onto the pavement in his steelskin. Hybrid shakes off the attack and staggers onto one knee.

Wednesday: Uhhh. . .bastards.

Hybrid: Cowards!

Shadowy figure #2: I wouldn't pay so much attention to us if I were you. Have you already forgotten?

A vine-like tendril wraps around Hybrid's head covering his eyes. He's snapped backwards like a ragdoll and flies at an accelerated speed towards the plant-beast. Vegi-La pulls his other arm back and throws a hook punch sending Hybrid crashing into a brick wall of a hardware store entrance. Wednesday runs to his aid.

Hybrid: Ugh. Son of a. . .

Wednesday brushes broken brick off his new commrade and pulls him up steadying him with one of Hybrid's arms behind his shoulders.

Hybrid: Is your buddy here always this powerful?

Wednesday: Actually, he usually just cracks jokes and craps out cabbage balls. Somehow when one of us go bad we become uber-powerful and slaughter the rest of the team.

Hybrid: Well that sucks, and your buddy's a pain in the ass.

Wednesday: Don't have to tell me that, rookie. We knew we couldn't handle him on our own. Now, in addition, we have 3 new mystery men from the Crime Society of Fiction.

Hybrid: Syndicate.

Wednesday: Yeah, whatever. Bottom line: We need help.

A vine tendril is snapped around Wednesdays left ankle. He's snared away from his new teammate and is held upsidedown. He is punched repeatedly around the head and face with each impact swinging him about like a tether-ball.

Wednesday: GET *whack!* HELP! *smack!* Get *pshh!* some *crack* HELP! !

Hybrid begins to sprint away from the battle.

Wednesday: Hey! ! Where the hell do you think you're going!? Don't leave me here!

Hybrid: Dude! He exclaims in disbelief. Fine. I ain't one to run from a fight anyway. If this is my time to go, It's my time to go!

The plant-beast turns his attention from the man he holds in his tendrils to the man that stands before him. He takes 5 thundering steps towards Hybrid crushing asphalt beneath his feet. He snarls and roars provokingly towards his opponent.

Vegi-La: RrrrrrAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGG! ! ! ! ! !

The roar is a primal scream definitely one of a mans but with the bass booming of a Tyrannosaurus-Rex. It shakes the pavement beneath Hybrids feet and vibrates a potted plant off a nearby window sill crashing it onto the sidewalk.

Hybrid: Let's go.

Hybrid dashes between the plant-beast's legs and jumps onto its back wrapping one leg around its torso and clenches an arm around its neck into a headlock. His appendages begin to turn a deep green and coil around Vegi-La like an anaconda and constrict his neck and chest. Wednesday is released and falls to the ground punch-drunk.

Hybrid: That's right! How you like them apples, plant-man!? Huh?! You like that?!

Vegi-La's arms revert from vine tendrils to human-like appendages and reach up behind him gripping onto Hybrids rib-cage. He is pulled away from Veg-La's body and his snake-grip begins to uncoil.

Hybrid: Uhhhrrr. . .

Hybrid is now lifted above Vegi-La's head his grip is now lost.
Vegi-La lowers Hybrid towards the ground, looks skyward and launches him towards the heavens.

Hybrid: ...rrr-AGHHH! ! !


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Cowgirl Jack: Almost there, Alex. You, ok?

Centurian: I'm fine. I really like flying. Honest. Especially with you, CJ.

Centurian's cheeks puff up and he covers his lips with his fingertips and his eyes go crossed. Cowgirl Jack chuckles.

Cowgirl Jack: I'm glad I can have that kind of effect on guys.

Centurian: So. . . we're going to go fight a plant-man? I mean, I'm still in my 'jamas and bathrobe.

Cowgirl Jack: Well we're assembing the team first. Then we'll put together a strategy to figure out how to beat ol' Vegi. You can change then. We're only a couple blocks away.

As the two make their final approach Cowgirl Jack notices the shape of a man that seems to be holding snakes in his hands rise up between two buildings then plummet back down between them.

Cowgirl Jack: Oh. . . my god.

A explosive burst then fires from her heels and they rocket towards the point of interest.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Cowgirl jack flies down and sets Centurian onto the sidewalk. She sees the hero she had just previously met, Hybrid, spawled out on a car hood with it caved in to the engine block. His right arm and left leg are in the shape of a snake and a turtle shell is on his back.

Cowgirl Jack: Ok. That's. . .different.

Wednesday is turning over on the ground pushing himself to his feet with a towering vegi-beast turning its attention towards him.

Cowgirl Jack: Alex. Stay here.

Centurian: But, CJ. . .

Cowgirl Jack: Just stay!

Rocket boots propel her towards Vegi-La with her fists together in front of her. She impacts against Vegi-La toppling him away from Wednesday. She then spirals upwards approximately 5 stories high then spins downward heels out like a drill spike crashing into Vegi-La through the street into the sewers below.

Centurian runs to the apperture in the middle of the street and hears sounds of rock breakage, impacts, water splashes, beastly roars and feminine grunts.

Centurian: CJ! ! !

Vegi-La appears out from the opening holding CJ with his tendrils by the neck and waist. He pulls her close then releases a noxious gas from pores in his chest asphyxiating Cowgirl Jack.

Cowgirl Jack: Alex. . . *cough* Run! *cough kaff!*

Centurian: Nooo! !

The young lad in the white bathrobe runs to the monstrous form and throws a well-placed but ineffective punch against Vegi-La's abdomen. He is slapped away and tossed into the air. A pouch flies from his pocket into an alleyway and he is knocked into the side of a nearby dumpster. Vegi-La takes one of his arms and forms a large sharply tipped radish. Cowgirl Jack desperately tugs at the vines around her neck. Adjusting her vision, the blurred radish sharpens into one as the background blurs and doubles into two.

Cowgirl Jack: Death by radish? Figures. I was supposed to die in the arms of Hawkman, preferably in the throws of passion.

Vegi-La closes in on her face. Suddenly. . .

*splat!* . . . *SPLAT!*

A scoop of rocky road is splattered across Vegi-La's face then is followed by a larger double scoop of rainbow sherbet.

Transneapolitan: Unhand that girl!

Cowgirl Jack is released as Vegi-La confoundedly slaps at his face wiping away what he can of the sweet substance.

A creamy strawberry cheescake arm cradles Cowgirl Jack away from Vegi-La and a hardened vanilla shovel scoops Wednesday from the pavement. Vegi-La peers from one eye and sees the young man in the cotton bathrobe standing on the street near the alleyway. He monstrously stomps towards the lad and snarls.

Centurian: Uhhh. . .! *~gulp~!*

Fused: Hey kid!

Centurian turns around and sees two men walk out of the alley. A leather/vinyl clad man with robotic arms wearing sunglasses stands and to his side, a monk with glowing eyes.

Fused: Drop somethin'?

The leather-clad man underhandedly tosses a pouch in the air towards Centurian. The boy catches it and notices the man pull his sunglasses to the bridge of his nose and flash him a wink.

Ace RM and and Chessmaster sit in the back of a taxi on the way back to whatevers left of the Ambassadors office. Chessmaster hangs his head out the window avoiding the unbearable stench of the cabbie inside.

RM- I'm telling you, Chessy, you'll get used to the smell after a while. A cab's one of our only ways to travel around here.

Chessmaster- BLECHH

Ace- Alright guys we're almost there. Just around this corner and down another block.

RM- Hopefully we'll have enough time for a little sleep, some breakfast in th morning, and a short meeting so all the newbies can get better aquianted before we get down to any serious work.

Ace Oh I'm sure we will...

Aww now what's the hold up.

Chessmaster- Looks like we're stuck in traffic.

Ace- What traffic? It's the middle of the night!

RM- I think there must be an accident up ahead. I can barley see but it looks like-

KRASH!

Suddenly a man lands on the hood of the cab

Ace- What the hell was that?!?

RM- It's Hybrid

Ace- Oh, hey Hybrid, what's up?

RM- Uhh, don't you think he could use our help?

Ace- Well I suppose...

RM- Then come on! That includes you to Chessy!

Chessmaster- STOP CALLING ME THAT! AND WHAT IS GOING ON?!?

The two heroes jump out of the cab throwing money to the driver and leaving the Chessmaster dazed and confused.

Rounding a truck to where Hybrid had come from the two heroes walk straight into the battle watching their fellow teammates fight. Chessmaster finally catches up with them. They spot Transnepolitan holding both CJ and Wednesday.

Ace- Look it's Wednesday!

RM and Ace run in their direction leaving Chessmaster trailing behind once again.

Chessmaster- What!? What're you guys talking about? What's going on here? Guys! Guys, it's Saturday!

RM- Wednesday! CJ! There's something we need to tell you!

Wednesday- Aghhh... You think it can wait until after Vegi-La kills us?

RM- No, you don't understand. That's not Vegi-La.

CJ- What?!?

Ace- It's true! Th real Vegi-La just called me!

CJ- Then who is it?

RM- We don't really know...

A lightbulb clicks inside RM's head

I think I just figures it out though. It's-

Suddenly

BOING

A man springs out of the crumpled office and tackles RM. He comes too fast for any of the others to see and leaves just as quickly with RM.

RM is shocked to suddenly find himself back in the office wrapped in chains and surrounded by tall shadowy figures.

Shadowy figure- Uh uh uhhhh

He says shaking his finger in the air.

Don't you know you can't tell the ending of a story without first having the begining?

Chessmaster- Where'd he go?

The team missing RM looks back at the battle taking place behind them.

They spot a bag being thrown through the air and landing in young Centurian's hand. Vegi-La stomps toward him, tendrils wiping away the ice cream from his face.

Ace- Oh no! Not that kid again!

Transnepolitan- Huh? Who is he?

Wednesday- His names Centurian, one of the new members of the team.

Chessmaster- So what's he do?

Ace- Apparently he's got a pair of magic dice that allow him to become 100 different fantasy creatures.

Transnepolitan- Well, that sounds pretty cool.

Wednesday- Yeah except for when he can't control the creatures.

They see Alex opening the bag and pulling out his dice.

Wednesday- No Alex, don't! I don't think we need any more monsters to fight right now!

Alex looks over at them with a surprised look on his face.

CJ- Run Alex!

Vegi-La stands over Alex ready to attack.

Centurian- No I can do this! I know I can! Besides that I don't have much of a choice.

Centurian throws his dice down to the ground. Smoke and light surround him as he starts to transform. He sees through the dice the number he's rolled.

Centurian- A six!

.....

THORFEN! I sure hope I'm right about how this works...

Thankfully he rolled a number he had previosly already rolled. He wouldn't have to worry about being out of control. Not this time.

Vegi- La's hand sweeps through the spot where Alex's head had just been not a second ago and slices through thin air going just over Throfens small but muscular build.

Surprised Vegi- La starts to lose his footing but quickly regains his balance giving Centurian just enough time to get out of harms way.

Suddenly- WHHHP!

A card whizzes by Vegi-La's head slicing straight through a tendril. Then again. And again. And again. All with the same card. Ace stands sitting on the corner wearing new mechanical gloves (he'd conveniently had with him the whole time) and flipping through his manual. He waves his hands around with the gloves on as if the gloves somehow controlled the card.

CRACK!

The dwarf, Thorfen, sees the monster and takes advantage of him being distracted by slamming his battle axe down hard into the back of his skull.

RARGHHHHH!

...succeeding only in pissing him that much more off!

He turns to the dwarf, while behind him Transneopolitan puts down Wednesday (yes he was holding him this entire time) and goes in for a second attack. He reaches Vegi-La just as Thorfen sweeps his battle axe under La's feet tripping him. Thinking fast Transnepolitan squirts his ice-cream out extra sticky to help hold him down. Fused joins them aiming his ray at the beast trying to calm him down.

With Vegi-La seemingly trapped the newbies high five each other. The rest of the team however is used to this part...

Almost on schedule the ground beneath them begins to shake.

Looking at the horror in front of them Wednesday begins to weep.

Wednesday- Ah, damn....

Stuck to the ground, Vegi-La had done what all weeds do, it had taken root. It had now grown 15 feet tall and mutated. Thick vines covered with leaves sprouted around its frame. It grew extra limbs and thick thorns sprouted all over the plant man's body.

"This is all your fault, Fused", said Ace.

"What? How's this my fault"? Protested Fused.

"You had to give it a burst of your 'hardon ray', didn't ya"?

"It seemed like a good idea at the time".

"Look out", warned Wednesday, as a large vine came crashing down towards the heroes.

Suddenly the vine whipped away from the group. It was Midnight Spectre. He had grabbed hold of the vine and quickly coiled it around the beast's neck. Standing on the vegi-beast's back, he pulled the vine tight with all his strength.

"G... get back", cried Midnight, as blood oozed from his hands, pierced by the thorns. "The vines... are a mutated form of poison ivy"!

Midnight Spectre began to sweat and broke out in a rash. He began to falter and fell off of Vegi-La.

"I'll save him", cried Transneapolitan, as a sludgy liquid (toffee ice-cream) oozed from his outstretched hand, quickly hardening into an ice-cream slide.

"I've got him", said Hybrid, as his tortoise shell opened out like a beetle's elytra to reveal two insect-like wings. With the wings beating furiously, he launched himself into the air, caught the infected hero and flew him safely away from the battle.

Meanwhile, Ace launched another card. As it closed in on the Vegi-beast, blades popped out from the edges of the card and started to spin with a whirring noise.

"RM's buzz saw card", said Ace as the card sliced off another tentacle menacing Cowgirl Jack. "And don't worry about hurting this thing, CJ. It's not our Vegi"!

"But we still can't touch it, without getting infected", replied CJ. We need ranged attacks"!

CJ fired her boot flame thrower at Vegi-La, narrowly missing Transneapolitan, who had stretched his body towards Vegi-La, transforming his hand into a large chocolate ice-cream axe.

"Hey"! Cried Transneapolitan, sagging slightly with the heat. "Watch where you're firing that thing"!

"Sorry, but you should really watch where you're stretching", countered CJ.

All this time, Thorfen was swinging his axe wildly at the flailing vines. Fused was standing behind us, pressing buttons and turning dials on his forearm. He was muttering something, but I couldn't hear what it was, over the noise of the battle.

Suddenly, Fused raised his arm and pointed a finger at Vegi-La. "Get down, shortie"! He warned, before adding, "Nevermind..."

Thorfen ground his teeth, he was not amused, "That wasn't a very original joke, laddie".

A wave of sound burst from Fused's fingertip and struck one of Vegi-La's shoulders.

"Aghh", cried the Dwarf, as he quickly put his hands over his ears, "Tis a Banshee's wail"!

Vegi-La's shoulder started to dry up and change color, like leaves in the fall.

"That's more like it", said Wednesday. "But it didn't sound techno. What was it"?

"Celine Dion".

"That'll do it every time".

"Blast it again"! Shouted CJ.

But it was too late, Vegi-La shot out another vine, flying directly over Thorfen's head, striking Fused and Wednesday.

"Too late", said Ace.

"So now what"? Asked Transneapolitan, deflecting another vine with a honeycomb crunch shield.

"Perhaps I can be of assistance", said a winded man, holding a stitch in his side.

It was the Chessmaster.

Centurian stands in the alternate dimension watching the battle play out before him. He's never been in pure battle that he perceived as for real before. As nervous as he thinks he should be he's actually become quite used to being in this ghosted state.

I've never been this excited in my life. My training battle with the JLR was fun but this is just pure exhilaration. Watching Thorfen hack away at this Vegi-La creature is just too fantastic for words. And the JLR! Gosh, what a display of power. How have I never heard of these people before? Uh-oh. Looks like the Fused's Titanic theme song is starting to hurt Ace and Thorfen just as much as it is Vegi-La. Oh no. . ."Thorfen, BEHIND YOU!"

Thorfen, the axe wielding dwarf, turns to his oppenent and guards his face with his axe. Vine tentacles snap around his axe and slowly pulls him towards the monstrous plant-beast.

Thorfen: Thank ye, laddie! Though. . . it seems. . . I may be needin'. . . a wee bit more assistance!

Ace: Just let go, Smallfry!

Thorfen: A dwarf never relinquishes his weapon!

Cowgirl Jack: Don't get too close! He's poisonous!

Wednesday stands with his reunited teammates. He rubs the back of his sore neck.

Wednesday: Welcome back, Ace. Take you long enough? All you had to do was catch up with Chessmaster, not The Flash. We've been getting our asses handed to us for about half an hour, thank you.

Ace: So nothing new, huh? You wanna know how to take the big ones down? Check it. . .

Ace pulls his empty hand towards his face and slight-of-handedly flicks out 2 cards: An ace of hearts and an ace of spades. He fires the 2 cards from his fingertips and they cut through the air with amazing aerodynamics. The front two corners of each card clip off and the dart-shaped aces plunge into Vegi-La's eye sockets. The beast howls in agony as his tendrils slap at his eyes like eels in a punch bowl.

Wednesday: He's still standing. . .

Ace: Well by all means, buddy-o-mine, show me what you've been dishing out to Jolly Green Giant.

Wednesday: I'm on it, yo!

Chessmaster: Knight to D3!

Wednesday is sent floating in an "L" shaped path and lands front of the towering vegi-beast. Now blinded, it still holds its face in pain.

Wednesday: Ohhh-h-h-ho. . . payback. Yes, sir.

Thorfen: Your skin. Be sure it touches you not, lad! 'Tis a creature of a poison nature as well.

Wednesday: That a fact?

*clink-clink-clink-clink-clink-clink-clink-clink-clink*

Wednesday's skin armors up with steel plates going up his appendages and face. Metallic clangs and pops are heard as he cracks his knuckles.

Thorfen: A fine armor suit indeed, m'boy! Ye must arrange a meeting with me and ye blacksmith!

Wednesday: Uhhh, yeah. I'll try to fit ya in his schedule. . .

The metal-man climbs up the vegetable monster and perches on top of its chest. He then slams left hook after right hook continuously pummeling the beast's head,

Wednesday: Payback's *Wham!* a bitch! *WHAM!* Isn't it!? *Crack!*

Thorfen hacks at Vegi-La's legs with his axe as if a lumberjack.

Chessmaster: Knight to E3!

Fused is levitated and floats to the right side of the dwarf. A blind tendril wraps around Fused's metallic arm secreting poisonous toxins. He grasps it with his robotic hand and squeezes it until it is pinched and severed. He looks up and sees another man with shielded arms pounding away at the monsters face. Suddenly all the sound around him goes silent as most of the team and Vegi-La go deaf momentarily. A low-frequency hums beneath Fused then explodes. . .

*BOOOOOoooooooommm! ! !*

The sonic force propels him vertically 15 feet in the air on level with Wednesday and Vegi-La's head. He reaches his hand back and all sound begins to fade once again as his fist vibrates.

Fused: Hey Wednesda--

Wednesday turns around and sees the man in sunglasses mouth the word, "Duck!" but cannot hear. He ducks.

*BOOOOOOOOooooooooommm! ! !*

Fused throws a sonic punch that tears off a piece of Vegi-La's face and the force sends him 8 yards horizontally past the point of impact. The inertia pulls Wednesday away but he holds on to a vine to keep from falling. Vegi-La lumbers backward like a cut oak falling in the forest. The ambient and environmental sounds quickly fade back. The wooden thunks of Thorfen's axe as well as the continued packing sounds of Wednesday's fists on Vegi-La's head are now heard as Wednesday keeps throwing punches on the way down with the falling vegi-beastal behemoth.

*CRASHH!!!* *thud-clang!*

Soon after the monstrosity falls, Fused lands in the dumpster.

Chessmaster: Bishop to E5!

Transneapolitan is moved diagonally towards the fallen Vegi-La. He then begins encasing it in ice milk. Cowgirl Jack shouts from a distance.

Cowgirl Jack: Hey Wed! I think you can stop hitting it!

Ace puts his arm around her and they both start laughing.

*BOING! ! !*

Suddenly they are both kicked in the back and fall to the ground. Cowgirl Jack turns around on the pavement and sees a tall thin man with a black cloak and springs on his shoes. He devilishly twists his mustache and strokes his goatee. He pauses and sees how attractive the Cowgirl is. He ogles her bosom and stretches his palms towards her mimicking a squeezing gesture.

Spring Heeled Jack:

Cowgirl Jack: GAH!!! . . . . . .

Her right rocket boot fires and sends her foot into Spring Heeled Jack's groin. He flies over a fence into an apartment complex's back lawn and back out over the fence on the other side and crashes into something else.

*BOING!!!* *thud* *Boing!!* *Crash!* *boing!* *Ksshh! !*

Cowgirl Jack: Ok Listen. I am not one of the only girls on the team ONLY to be used for the SOLE purposes of having my clothes ripped off, getting kidnapped, ogled and/or being GROPED!

Ace: Ugh. Well Ceej, I've actually heard of that guy. And thats kinda what he does. . .he bounces around. . .gropes chicks, and is pretty much just creepy overall. . .

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hybrid flies toward the ambassador's office holding the ill Midnight Spectre. He lands then carries him through the wall that had been broken through by Vegi-La.

Hybrid: Don't wory, buddy. We'll get you away from- -

He sees Registered Member #552 shackled and chained to a wall with tall figures surrounding him.

Hybrid: What the $^@#$?!

A large, furry, beastly, imposing werewolf turns around and cocks an eyebrow at Hybrid. It snarls and growls as drool drips from his chin and strings to the floor.

Hybrid: You've gotta be kidding me. . .

Hybrid doesn't dare take his eyes off the snarling man-beast as he sets his poisoned comrade on the floor. The wolfman towers several feet above our hero -- a fact it makes even more clear with each approaching step.

Finally, the wolfman gives a primal howl.

Hybrid: You too, huh?

Meanwhile, outside...

Wednesday: Yep, looks like I did it again.

Cowgirl Jack: Did what?

Wednesday: Single-handedly saved the day, of course.

Ace: More like Chessmaster, Thorfen, and Fused saved the day.

Wednesday: Are you kidding? It was these bad boys right here!

Wednesday flexes his steel muscles. Small steel muscles, but steel nonetheless.

Cowgirl Jack: Admit it, Wednesday, if it wasn't for Chessmasters quick moves, Centurian's courage, Thorfen's mighty axe, and Fused's sonic fist, you'd still be at Vegi-La punching...

Wednesday: Hey!

Ace: ...like a girl.

Cowgirl Jack: Hey!

Ace: Sorry, CJ. You punch better.

Cowgirl Jack:

Wednesday: Look, I don't need any newbie's help. I could have taken him all by myself.

Suddenly, an angry tendril quickly wraps itself around Wednesday. The monster has already regenerated the parts it lost in battle.

Wednesday: What the--

Wednesday's mouth is covered by the clasping arm.

Ace: What's that, Wedensday? No need to worry? You can take him all by yourself?

Chessmaster [to CJ]: Shouldn't we help him? He is our comrade, afterall.

The JLR watches as the miscreation tightens it's grip around one of their own. Metal or not, it won't be long before Wednesday's body caves in to Vegi-La's incredible strength.

Cowgirl Jack: Yeah... probably.

Meanwhile, inside...

Another monster tears mercilessly at Hybrid, but a swift back leap saves him from the wolfman's sharp fangs.

The hero lands on all fours, his eyes glowing yellow, his nails digging into the floor. He can feel himself losing to his newest animal urges.

Hybrid wants blood.

The wolfman growls and he growls back. They both circle the floor like wolves. Dominance must be proven. Neither will back down now.

Finally, Hybrid leaps forward several feet, his hairy paw aimed for the wolfman's head. With a furious yell and all his strength, he brings a ruthless claw down.

But before Hybrid's nails can puncture the wolfman's eye, the behemouth meets the attack with his own. One fist clenches Hybrid's outstretched arm while the other buries deep into his abdomen. With inhuman strength the beast tosses the gasping fighter across the room and into a wall.

Hybrid comes down next to the bound RM with a loud crash, another exoskeleton forming just in time to break his fall. For one brief moment the human part of Hybrid realizes that he may be outmatched.

And in that moment the Crime Syndicate of Fiction is satisfiied. One by one, they leave the beaten Hybrid, the poisoned Midnight Spectre, and the bound Registered Member 552 to their bloody fate. Some fear their strength may be needed outside. Others simply wish to avoid the bloody display.

Registered Member 552: Hybrid, you've gotta listen!

Hybrid turns his yellow gaze to his teammate and snarls.

Registered Member 552: Hybrid, listen to me! The JLR is in trouble. The Vegi-La we're facing isn't the original. During the convention, we discovered that Vegi-La has the power to regenerate missing parts. That means Vegi-La could potentially heal almost any wound, no matter how much of his body he lost. But, unfortunately, that also means one of the missing parts could theoretically, under the right conditions, regenerate into a whole new Vegi-La. I know it sounds crazy, but at the convention Vegi-La was torn to pieces. I believe what we're fighting now is one of those stray pieces. You have to--

With a growl, Hybrid turns to his enemy and dashes for his feet.

Meanwhile, outside...

Fused: I really think we should go help him now.

Wednesday can feel his life slipping away.

Ace: Almost.

Wednesday thinks of all the things he hasn't done. The difference he could have made. The wonderful things he had the power to accomplish. The women he could have--

Cowgirl Jack: Ok, now!

But a small tendril bursts from beneath the concrete, lassoing Cowgirl Jack's leg. Then another breaks the ground beneath him and trumps the falling Ace. Before Chessmaster can move help another small tendril emerges and checks him at the hip.

Fused moves just in time to avoid a fourth arm. A rabbit-fast sonic punch cracks the street into several pieces. An explosive card pitches the rubble into the air, exposing four smaller vegi-beast creatures from the ground below.

The CSF smiles.

Now the JLR is under attack!

Registered Member #552, still secured to the wall, watches helplessly as his savage team-mate Hybrid continues his battle with the Wolfman. Teeth and claws rip and shred flesh. Fur flies everywhere.

RM552: I would have preferred a cat-fight.

RM looks over to his other team-mate, Midnight Spectre 2.0. Midnight is still prone on the ground. Sweat pouring off his body, as he tries to fight the Vegi-La’s toxins.

RM552: Come on Midnight. Fight it. We need you in the battle, man…

--------------------------------------------

Outside…

Thorfen the Dwarf hacks at one of the attacking Mini-Vegies with his axe, clefting it in twain (eh, that means cutting it in two).

Centurian: Look out, here comes another one!

Thorfen: [Turning to face another Mini-Veg] I can see it, laddie. But I canna be concentrating with ye nattering like an old woman. [another swing of his axe, brings another Mini-Veg down]. Just relax now, and let Thorfen take care of yon beasties.

Chessmaster 9000.53: Oh dear. I think I’m going to need more pieces…

Indeed, the two fallen Mini-Veggies start their regeneration process, creating four new Mini-Veg…

Ace: Ceej, have you noticed that these Vegi-La’s are regenerating? [Ace let’s fly a sonic 3 of Clubs] And every time we take one down, several more take their place.

CJ: [dodging a flailing tentacle while trying to get to Wednesday] Yes, I had actually.

Ace: Oh good. Just checking.

Fused: Speaking of checking, Chessmaster isn’t pulling his weight in this battle…

Chessmaster 900.53: Well I would be, if I could get to my board. But that rather large thorny tentacle is blocking my path.

Fused: Is that all…

Fused directs his outstretched palms towards the Chessmaster 9000.53.

Chessmaster 9000.53:

A sound wave picks up the Chessmaster and dumps him on the other side of the tentacle, next to his board.

Chessmaster 9000.53: oof.

Fused: Problem solved.

Distracted, Fused doesn’t notice another Mini-Veg closing in for the kill, until its too late.

Fused:

Suddenly the Mini-Veg’s body arches forward as it lets out a yell of pain. It slumps to the ground, with a throwing axe embedded in its back.

Fused: Whoa.

Thorfen: Ye should be watching ye back, Banshee. I’m not always going to be here to protect ye.

Fused: Thanks, short-stuff.

Thorfen: Don’t be thanking me. [the Dwarf taps the side of his head with a finger] Ida never heard the end of it, if ye’d been killed.

Speaking of being killed…

Wednesday: [thinking] Strange patterns… all colours of … rainbow… swimming across the sky… Is this death? Oh. Nope. It’s just, Transneapolitan. My bad.

And the Any Given Hero slumps into unconsciousness for the second time in this battle.

The Chessmaster 9000.53 scrambles over to his chessboard and hastily sets up the pieces.

Fused: What are ya playing at? Hurry up!

Chessmaster 9000.53: I can't move anyone until the entire board is set-up.... There! Bishop to C4!

Transneapolitan is diagonally moved directly in front of the large Vegi-Beast, with the limp (and human) Wednesday dangling in it’s tentacle.

Transneapolitan: Hey, give a guy some warning will ya!

Transneapolitan starts to construct a rainbow swirl shield, as the Vegi-Beast is about to bring down it’s fists on the Creamy Hero. Suddenly it stops, starring at the swirling pattern until the shield is formed. As soon as the shield is complete the Vegi-Beast resumes it’s attack.

Ace: Hey, whatever you just did, do it again!

Transneapolitan: um, Sure. What did I do?

Chessmaster: The rainbow swirl. Use the rainbow swirl!

Transneapolitan: Oh… OK. But I’ve never done this before… Back creature! Release my comrade, or face the wrath of Transneapolitan and the JLR!

Transneapolitan transforms his body into a large thin rainbow swirl disk.

Once again, the Vegi-Beast stops it’s attack transfixed on the swirling pattern of the Ice Cream Hero’s body.

Transneapolitan: Must keep body moving…. Insides churning… Think… going to be sick…

Ace: It’s working.

CJ: Look all the little Vegi-La have stopped too.

Thorfen: A pity. I had them right where I wanted them.

Transneapolitan: [his body still in constant motion] How long… do I keep… going?

Chessmaster 9000.53: Just a few more moments.

Fused: Hey. What’s the big one doing?

The original Vegi-Beast takes it’s eyes away from Transneapolitan and looks around its surroundings, with a confused expression. It notices Wednesday in its tentacle and relaxes its grip, lowering the unconscious hero to the ground.

Ace: CJ!

CJ: [Racing over and picking up Wednesday] Got him. Though he looks like he’s been infected with the poison ivy too.

Chessmaster 9000.53: OK, Transneapolitan. You can stop now.

Transneapolitan: Thank goodness… [Transneapolitan collapses, his body turning into a large mound of ice cream]

--------------------------------------------

Elsewhere, three shadowy figures look on.

Shadowy Figure 1: Lucius…

Lucius, the Shadowy Figure 2: Don’t worry James. The beast will be under my control again in a moment…

Shadowy Figure 3: That Chessmaster looks very formidable. Shall I take care of him?

James: No Francisco. The beast will take care of him. We are here for a specific purpose. Go get ready.

Francisco: If you think that’s best.

As Francisco Scaramanga leaves his contemporaries, he removes a gold cigarette case from his jacket pocket.

--------------------------------------------

Fused: I don’t get it...?

Thorfen: Aye. The beastie looks as gentle as a lamb.

CJ: He looks like a bit like our Vegi-La used too. Only more… passive.

Ace: Exactly like our Vegi-La then. Though I’m sure if Brit was here, he’d be able to explain exactly what was going on.

In the distance Lucius Malfoy produces his wand and points it at Vegi-La.

Vegi-La: Rrrrraaaaaagggggghhhhhhhh

JLR:

The Vegi-Beast and all the Mini-Veg start their rampage once more.

--------------------------------------------

James: Excellent work, Lucius. Keep an eye on proceedings here. I’m going to ensure Phase Two of our operation starts on schedule.

And with that, James Moriarty departs the battlefield.

Meanwhile in Stupidville…

The body breaks through the skylight, shards of glass reflecting the light from the full moon. He wiggles a bit when he smacks the cold wooden floor of the Jimmy Cricket Groove Hall of Stupidville. “Owsie, I thinks I hurt may derriere!” he exclaims while rubbing his butt.

“Talk, Lord Caca Pooh. Or I open up a can of whoop derriere.” The voice comes from the corner of the room. The man flicks on the lights, revealing himself for the first time to his victim. He doesn’t even have a costume like the rest of them do, Caca Pooh notices. He’s wearing brown cargo pants and a black Orange County Choppers t-shirt. His wrists are decorated with black leather straps lined with .22 caliber bullets that look like they’ve never left their spot.

“Talk, you say, but what ares I to talks aboot, Dogg? I know nutziiiing!” Lord Caca Pooh isn’t really a Lord. In fact, he’s lucky to be a peon. Various crime organizations use him a pawn constantly in play. He’s a treasure trove of lies and half-truths, but that’s all Dogg needs.

“I’m looking for Agent Smith. He copied himself into my wife while we were in bed together last Saturday and I still can’t get the taste out of my mouth. I swore he’d pay, and he will! Where. Is. Smith?” Dogg grits his teeth, saliva shooting from the cracks all over Caca’s face, but Caca still refuses to speak.

“Fine,” Dogg smirks, reaching behind his back to pull out the new Super Soaker 70thousand, “I was hoping you’d fight me. How will those super bacterium from Dimension 12G give you that horrible gas when I flush them out with a Super Enima? BEND OVER!”

Lord Caca Pooh screams in terror, scratching at the floorboards as Dogg struggles to flip him on his stomach. “No! Nozzat! No pease! Okies okies! I tellz!”

Dogg puts the Super Soaker 70thousand back on his back holster. “Now, tell me Lord Pooh. Tell me where Agent Smith is so I can avenge my lover!”

“Zuddensly I forgotz….” Lord Caca Pooh lifts himself off the ground, gently caressing his butt to make sure there was no damage. Dogg carefully pulls the Super Soaker 70thousand back into view, which is enough for Pooh to start screaming. He takes off running toward the door, but trips and falls flat on his face.

“Just like a white girl in a horror flick…” Dogg mutters aloud as he walks toward Lord Caca Pooh, the sprayer of the Super Soaker 70thousand bouncing up and down on his palm.


“NO NO NO! Agent Smith haz gun to join zay CSF in Beeg Seety!”

“Big City?” Dogg thinks, “That’s really far away. Like, across the country.” He puts the Super Soaker away again and starts walking toward the door. He’ll have to leave immediately if he wants to make it back to Stupidville to lead the city marching band in the Stupid Day Parade by next Tuesday.

“Zo…zo we ares done, uh huh?” begs Lord Caca Pooh.

As Dogg opens the door he turns around and throws a grenade at Pooh while jumping backwards and flipping through the doorway. “This would so rock with some theme music.” He thinks to himself.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! LYZOL BOMB! LYYYYYZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!” Lord Caca Pooh runs and jumps out the windows, coincidentally landing in the back of a garbage truck. “Ahhhhh…………” he sighs in relief, “I’ll getz yuu Dogg! Yuu and yar Zuper Zoaker doo!”

Dogg leaves for the airport; using his cars personal laptop to order tickets from Orbitz he’s ready for a long flight at a competitive price. He just needs to figure out a way to hide his Super Soaker 70thousand from the baggage handlers.

Back in Big City on the corner of Big Street and 5th. . .

A tendril coils around Aces neck and he begins to clutch at the living vine as 2 mini-vegi's close in on Fused. The monster Vegi-La raises up and towers over the heroes.

Fused: This really sucks. . .

Ace: Ah. . . *choke* It ain't that bad. . .*choke*

Fused: JLR get hazard pay for any of this?

Cowgirl Jack: Not really, but we get coupons for 4 free catalog movies or 1 free game at Lackluster Video!

Ace: They give you those anyway at the store. *choke*

Cowgirl Jack: Wow. . . We've really been getting screwed then.

Ace flicks a buzzsaw card at the vine releasing him. 2 more at a pair of tentacles approaching him. He continues the throw cards at the Mini-Veggies.

Ace: We need the others. If we stand a chance against the CSF and Vegi-La we're gonna have to regroup.

Lucius Malfoy: You're going to need a lot more than that, boy. Por Ort Grav!

The wizard fires a bolt of lightning from the sky in the middle of the JLR and bodies fly away from the electrical strike. Vegi-La turns and looks downward towards Thorfen and Transneapolitan who have been slung into each others and Vegi-La's general vicinity.

Thorfen: I hope ye be ready for the fight of yer life, laddie!

The Centurian's dwarven champion says as he tightens his hands onto his axe.

Transneapolitan: Not really, no. Some preparation would be nice. Not to mention more teammates.
In fact, I'd rather limit actual 'fights of my life' to an extremely bare minimum if possible. Here goes nothing, I suppose.

Transeapolitan's color begins to swirl into primary red, yellow and blue. Superman ice cream. The "S" icon embosses onto his chest. He manifests a large hardened ice cream axe much like Thorfen's.

Thorfen: Have at thee! ! !

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cowgirl Jack: Fused, go help Transneapolitan and Centurian. I'll deal with Harry Potter-Man.

Fused: Darlin' I dunno. He looks pretty nasty.

Lucius Malfoy: Nastier than you can imagine! Ominous Tornadus!

Thunderstorm whirlwinds blast at Cowgirl Jack and Fused. CJ is flown up into the air swirling and flailing about over and above a building. Fused takes flight as well but grabs onto the side of a cement truck with his bionic arm. Cowgirl Jack's rocket boots fire and she regains control of her flight trajectory and fights her way back down. Fused's grip clenches so tightly that the metal frame of the truck he holds begins to crush under the pressure. With his free hand he reaches toward his other arm and presses a few buttons and dials a few knobs.

Fused: I've gotta spin this track perfectly. No time for #$%@-ups. Time for the big guns. DJ John Digweed: Bedrock - Heaven Scent.mp3.

Fused blasts the music from his arm and pulsating rhythmic beats in the form of blue lightning hurl towards Malfoy. The sound patterns enter his brain and he sent into a incapacitating euphroric bliss. He lowers his wand.

Lucius Malfoy: I feel so strange. What manner of wizardy is this? I feel so at peace. Such ecstacy. What have I been doing with my life?

The winds stop and Fused collapses to the concrete. Cowgirl Jack flies back down to him.

Cowgirl Jack: What did you do?

Fused: He's pretty much the equivalent of being doped up on ecstacy. If he sees a pretty girl he'll do anything they ask. Go talk to him. Hurry though, his constitution looks pretty strong and I don't know how long it'll last.

CJ leaves the general area approaches the street near Malfoy while Ace runs toward Fused. Chessmaster leaves Fused and Ace to follow CJ.

Cowgirl Jack: Uhmm. . .Mr. Malfoy?

Lucius opens his eyes from a euphoric trance-like state.

Lucius Malfoy: Oh! Yes? My arent you beautiful.

Cowgirl Jack: Uhh...thanks. I'm the one you blasted with the tornado back there? You and your buddies have been kinda kicking the crap out of us all over Big City.

Lucius Malfoy: My, that's terrible! My humble and extreme appologies, Miss?

Cowgirl Jack: Jaclyn. Jackie's fine.

Lucius Malfoy: Is there anything I can do to help, Jackie?


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Ace: They've got RM and Midnight in that admistration building over there.

Fused: Well I guess we get to go get em out.

Ace: You guessed right.

Fused: Yer just a happy-go-lucky kinda guy, aincha?

Ace: Always.

Fused: And Centurian, the Ice Cream Guy and the vegi-creatures?

Ace: Oh yeah. . .well uhm, first we can- -

Woman's Voice: Venn "Fused" Codek?

Ace and Fused turn around and see a super model of a woman dressed in a very fashionable Italian red-leather business suit. Her black heels add a couple inches to her already tall, slender frame. Her auburn hair is combed neatly back. Her face is stern and serious as a heart-attack. Ace nudges Fused in the back to go towards her.

Fused: Well, uh. Who's askin, sweety? This is a kind of dangerous place for a sexy girl like you to be hangin' around.

Wednesday: *Nnnnng*. . .sexy girl?

Terminatrix: Venn "Fused" Codek?

Fused: Well yeah, that's me. I'm- -

T-X pulls a handgun out of her jacket and points it towards Fused's face. Reflexively he pulls his arms to his face and blocks 5 rounds that go directly into his bionic arms.

Fused: AAGGHH! ! !

Ace pulls Fused by the back of his jacket to go around the cement truck away from the attacking woman. They get to the other side and bump into the chest of a large, menacing grotesque demon-creature. His eyes blood-shot and mouth widening expose vicious teeth. His chest heaves with every evil breath.

Fused: Have I said that this really sucks yet?


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Chessmaster winded, runs up to CJ and Malfoy.

Chessmaster: Cowgirl Jack, are you alright?

Cowgirl Jack: Yeah, Lucius has found the error of his ways. He's going to help.

Chessmaster: How?

Lucius Malfoy: In any way this beauty deems I should.

Cowgirl Jack: For starters you can help us so that we might be able to stand a chance against these creeps!

Lucius Malfoy: Very well. . . Strategim Fortificus!

The Chessboard and stand begins to levitate and slowly rotate to a level of easy reach and comfort to the Chessmaster. Smoke and effervescent sparkling dust swirl about it.

Cowgirl Jack: What did he do to your board, Chessie?

Chessmaster: I don't know. . .but it's magic.

Yet another interlude:

The Database, Australia…

The kitchen cupboard door opens and out walks Britannica and Di Bat Pho. Both are slightly scorched and extremely sooty.

Brit: You think Chief Wacki Backi would have been pleased that we saved the tribes people of the Sokitume…

DBP: Yes, but their village was destroyed by the volcano…

Brit: How was that my fault?

DBP: And the Sokitumi were forced to abandon the island…

Brit: It was lucky that that cruise-liner was nearby…

DBP: And you did knock out the Chief’s son with your Britannerang.

Brit: Yes, well… Would you like a cup of tea?

DBP: Green, please.

Brit: Coming right up [starts filling up the kettle] We had better check the answering machine and the mail.

DBP: I will do that dear.

Brit: Ta! Dearest. [starts to heat up the kettle and get the tea things ready] [communicating with Di Bat Pho via their telepathic link] We should give the JLR a call and let them know we’re back…

…
…
…

Brit: Di?

Suddenly, Britannica can hear Christmas carols.

Brit: Christmas carols? In May?

Britannica rushes over to the front door, which Di Bat Pho has opened.

Brit: Di? Is everything alright?

As Britannica gets closer, he can see who is standing outside…

Brit and DBP: Santa Claus!?!

Santa: Ho! Ho! Ho! Hello Di Bat Pho. Hello Britannica.

Brit: It is nice to see you, Santa. But aren’t you a tad late for Christmas?

DBP: … Or early.

Santa: Oh time doesn’t matter, especially with Father Time around.

Indeed, Father Time appears next to Santa Claus. Father Time appears as a middle-aged man (well it is only mid-year), wearing traditional robes and carrying a scythe.

Father Time: Greetings.

A gruff voice calls out from behind Santa and Father Time…

Gruff voice: Are we going to stand out here all day?

Santa: Now, now, Peter.

Father Time: Please forgive Mr. Cottontail, he can be impatient sometimes.

DBP: Peter Cottontail?

Britannica: Of course! The Easter Bunny!

A muscular humanoid rabbit hops from behind Santa and Father Time. He is dressed in a green singlet, camouflage pants and army boots. His ears are tied back with a headband and he has lots of brightly coloured Easter eggs strapped to his belt.

Peter Cottontail: I’m no bunny, pal. Call me the Easter Rabbit. So are you going to let us in?

Brit: Oh… of course. [opening the door to allow the visitors in] Please do. Would you like some tea? I’ve just…

Eeeeeeeeeek!

Britannica jumps into the air and ends up in Di Bat Pho’s arms, as the Superhero Librarian is startled by the appearance of a ghostly figure.

DBP: Who is this?

Santa: This is the Anzac Spirit. He is one of our Australian members.

Brit: Of course. [getting out of DBP’s arms and standing up again]. He used to be a hero back in World War I, before he passed on, that is.

Father Time: And he remains a hero today.

5 minutes later, Santa, Father Time, Peter Cottontail, Di Bat Pho and Britannica are sitting in the Database’s lounge room, drinking tea (except Santa who asked for some milk and cookies). The Anzac Spirit stands silently at attention in a corner, with his head slightly bowed.

Brit: So how can we help you gentlemen?

Father Time: I’m sorry Britannica. We are hear to talk to Di Bat Pho.

DBP: Oh?

Santa: Naturally we are known the world over for the work we do during our respective holidays. However the population at large are unaware that together, we are…

THE HOLIDAY HEROES!

Brit: You’re right. I doubt anyone knew that.

DBP: But what has that got to do with me?

The Easter Rabbit: Simple sweetie. We ain’t the only members of the Holiday Heroes. There are more of us the world over. Jack O’Lantern representing Halloween , the Queen, representing the Queen’s Birthday…

Brit: Which Queen?

Father Time: That does not matter. What does, is that we have an opening for Chinese New Year.

Santa: And with your Chinese zodiac related shape-changing abilities Di, we would like to offer you membership with our team.

DBP: That is a very kind offer…

Brit: …But she’s already a member of the JLR.

Santa: Ah yes, we expected that response. But please don’t think that we won’t make it worth your while. [Santa rummages in his sack and pulls out a piece of paper, which he passes to Di Bat Pho] I’m sure this will more than compensate you.

DBP: [reading the piece of paper]

Brit: What is it?

Santa: The pay is quite attractive, because of the penalty rates. It’s all the public holidays we have to work.

Di Bat Pho passes the piece of paper with the pay offer to Britannica.

Brit: [reading the piece of paper]

DBP: When would you want me to start?

Father Time: Immediately.

Britannica races into the kitchen, to return a minute later with a packed lunch and a thermos for Di Bat Pho.

Brit: [giving DBP her lunch, while escorting her to the door] Well good luck with the new job, Dear. Have a great day and I’ll give you a call to see how you’re going. Ring me if you need me to get anything from the shops.

Britannica gives his wife a kiss, as the remaining Holiday Heroes pile into Santa’s sleigh.

Di Bat Pho joins her new teammates on the sleigh and waves goodbye to her husband, as Santa gives the command to his reindeer.

Santa: RUDOLPH with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight? [the reindeer begin to move, pulling the sleigh behind them] Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN.

The reindeer and the sleigh containing the Holiday Heroes take to the air, sleigh bells jingling. Britannica hears Santa exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

Santa: HOLIDAY HEROES HO! HO! HOOOOOOOOOO! AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!

-----------------------------------------------

Britannica walks back into the Database and plays the messages on his answering machine.

Cowgirl Jack: "Britt, this is CJ. Call back...we might be getting a source of income soon."

Brit: Wow. Two sources of income in one day. Mind you they could have told me where they were going. Oh well…

Britannica picks up the phone and dials the JLR hot line - 1900-555-JLRMB.

After a few rings the JLR Answering Machine of Justice kicks in.

Wednesday: “Yo. The JLR are all out on a mission at the moment. Unless you’re a crazed super villain wanting to destroy our headquarters - Then we’re waiting for you right here. You hear me Chant!?! Anyhoo, leave a message, we’ll get right back to you”. *beep*

Brit: Hmm. Looks like I’ll have to go to the Estate first…

After going to the Farmhouse of Justice, Britannica is able to ascertain that the JLR are in Big City, battling several mini Vegi-La’s and a giant mutated version. It was on a cable news channel.

Britannica uses his information gateway ability to teleport to the Big City Library (conveniently located directly behind Ambassador Shrinkle’s private chambers…

With his Britannerang at the ready, he sneaks into the Ambassadors chambers to find…

Brit: Registered Member #552!

RM552: Brit! Am I glad to see you

Brit: What’s the situation?

RM552: Not good. Midnight’s out cold. He’s been infected with poison ivy from the fake Vegi-La’s.

Brit: [Checking on Midnight Spectre 2.0] Good grief. He doesn’t look good.

RM552: I know. Hybrid…

Brit: Who?

RM552: One of the new members. He’s one of the werewolves over there [indicating the on-going battle between Hybrid and the Wolfman]

Brit: Which one?

RM552: Don’t know. I’ve lost track.

Brit: You said one of the new members?

RM552: Yeah we had a membership drive, but things are going to be tough. There’s this team of villains calling themselves the Crime Syndicate of Fiction.

Brit: Don’t tell me. Professor Moriarty?

RM552: How’d you know?

Brit: He’s always in fictional villain groups.

RM552: So where’s Di Bat Pho?

Brit: Ah… she left the JLR for another team of heroes.

RM552: Heh. You’d never see Cowgirl Jack do that.

Brit: Probably… Well it looks like I’m going to have to find some reinforcements. I’ll be back!

And with that Britannica leaves the Ambassador’s chambers.

RM552: Hey! You could have released me first!

-----------------------------------------------

Back at the Database, Britannica is pulling several books off the shelves of library collection…

Brit: Websites for Dummies… Super-sites: The Superheroes guide to the internet… Lonely Message Board… Heroes-R-Us: A directory of Superheroes. That should do for now.

Britannica places the books in various pockets in his costume.

Brit: But first, I should try a bit closer to home…

So Britannica walks up to the Penultimate MBL HQ...

Midnightspectre2.0: grbbnnn...

RM 552: Midnight?

Midnightspectre 2.0 gradually stands.

RM552: Midnight!

MdS 2.0: (looks around)...did we win?

RM 552: No. A new group calling themselves the CSF--

MdS 2.0: say no more. i'll...i'll have to...what's wrong with me? the last thing i remember is grabbing ve-wait. plant toxin?

RM 552: Yep.

MdS 2.0: (raises an index finger) hold up a minute.

Midnightspectre 2.0 removes a vial from his glove and drinks it.

RM 552: Lemme guess...antitoxin?

MdS 2.0: along with some senzu bean extract. it should kick in right about...NOW.

RM 552: Good. Now blast the wolf that's fighting Hybrid and 'port us back to the city.

MdS 2.0:...Problem.

RM 552: Problem?

MdS 2.0: My powers...may be burned out. Flight, density alteration, and most of the other powers are done.

RM 552: Well, isn't that special. So what can you do?

MdS: 2.0: You mean other than uncanny observational capabilities? I'm still metahuman, with the enhnaced physical attributes to match. That, and I know Ninjitsu, Capoiera, Krav Maga, and several forms of Kung Fu.

RM 552:... So what can you do?

MdS 2.0: Keep a low profile and smack up whoever's weak points before they know I'm there. That, and I use deductive reasoning to piece together off-kilter but effective strategies.

MdS 2.0: Just so you know, we can establish telepathic links now.

RM552: I thought you said your powers were gone.

MdS 2.0: Most are, but some aren't. I'll explain later on the Talk Thread.

RM 552: Riiiiight.

RM 552: Change?

MdS 2.0: As in "Change Clothes and go." The Saiyan armor held up, but the black unitard beneath it got torn up...as usual.

Ten minutes later...

RM 552: Nice.

MdS 2.0: Yeah. Lightweight Adamantium mesh lining, among other things. Tell Hybrid and his buddy it's time to go.

RM 552: uh...that's not his buddy Midnight.

Mds 2.0: You were SERIOUS about them...nevermind! It's just a matter of lycanthropy.

RM 552.

MdS 2.0: Hybrid! Strike its vital organs and if it bites you, kill it!

Hybrid: You sure about this?

MdS 2.0: Trust me.

So, a couple of days after the big battle at the ambassadors office the Chessmaster is at home doing stuff. Suddenly the doorbell rings! (ohh, the suspense, the sheer suspense!!!)
The Chessmaster opens the door and finds two girlscouts. Well, not so much girlscouts as two huge bearded men with forearms as thick as a tree and a forehead more dense than a concrete wall.

Chessmaster - Umm, ches...I mean yes?

Goon1 - Hello, would you like to buy some cookies?

Goon2 - Yes, please buy some cookies

The Chessmaster looks a little perplexed, those two certainly don't look like girlscouts, but one never knows with all the hormon changes that young girls go through, and they do appear to be wearing genuine uniforms, and they do have cookies with them

Chessmaster - No thank you, I'm good for cookies

Goon1 - But we have chocolate cookies, and banana cookies and strawberry cookies an....

Chessmaster - I said no thank you please!

Goon1 - Ohh, that's okay then, though, we're also here for another reason

Goon2 - Yes, tell him about the other reason

Chessmaster - What other reason?

Goon2 - You'll hear soon enough

Goon1 - Yes, you'll hear soon enough!

Chessmaster - I'm still waiting here, and my feet are getting cold, could you please hurry?

Goon1 - Right, we're here to take you to Doctor Moriarty!

Chessmaster - Dr. who?

Goon2 - M.O.R.I.A.R.T.Y!

Chessmaster - Ohh, that CSF guy?

Goon2 - Yes, that's the one alright

Chessmaster - But I'm a member of the JLR now, if this is a recruitment drive then it's a bit late

Goon1 - Ohh, we know that, the Dr. wants to play a game of chess with you

Chessmaster - He does? Ohh, well, you should have said so earlier, let me just get my gear

Goon2 - Ahh, that won't be necessary, Dr. Moriarty already has a game of chess.

Goon1 - Yes, yes, what he said!

Chessmaster - Okaaaaaay, though I'd prefer using my own set, but I suppose I don't have a choice?

Goon2 - You sure don't!

Goon1 - It's true

Goon2 - It's damn true...

Chessmaster - Enough with the RKMB clichés please!!!

Goon1 - Umm, okay, though, before we go, can I ask you a question?

Chessmaster - Sure

Goon1 - You wanna buy some cookies?



Wait, wasn't the Chessmaster engaged in a battle against the CSF along with the JLR?
Then how can this happen?

Inconsistency?
Plot-hole?
Weirdness?
Time-warp?
Read more some other time!

SLAP!

Chessmaster: Ow! What was that for?

Fused: You've been staring at that chessboard for the last five minutes.

Ace: Ever since Malfoy put a whammy on it. I had to make sure you were okay .

Chessmaster: I had the strangest dream. There were two huge, bearded goons with forearms as thick as a treetrunks, and foreheads more dense than a concrete wall... dressed as girl scouts .

Transneapolitan: .

Fused: That has got to be the most FUCKED UP idea for a plot twist I've ever heard.

Chessmaster: They wanted me to buy girl scout cookies and play chess with Moriarty.

Cowgirl Jack [turning to Ace]: I think Malfoy duped us .

Ace: Wow! Another amazing contribution by Cowgirl Jack! How did you ever guess something so EXTREMELY OBVIOUS? Good thing you're still with us and not spending 99.75% of your time with some other team.

Cowgirl Jack: Hey! I contribute whenever I can! I'm still a valuable member of this team.

JLR: .

Ace: Yeah, and the rest of the team really is "too busy."

Cowgirl Jack: Oh yeah, I forgot, you guys only pretend you have lives .

JLR: .

Chessmaster: Wait a second! Why are we fighting amongst ourselves? This doesn't make any sense. We're a team !

Transneapolitan: The badly scripted nerd with the poorly conceived and incredibly useless power that makes absolutely no sense is right. We shouldn't blame each other.

Cowgirl Jack: Yeah. If we should be fighting anyone... it's Fused!

Fused: .

Ace: Ya! Good idea trying to use your sonic technology on a MAGICAL WIZARD, BOOBED!

Fused: It always works on chicks .

Cowgirl Jack:

Fused: Kidding, kidding! I'm ultra cool, remember? I wear black leather boots with buckles all the way to the top, black vinyl pants with random buckles and zippers, and a dark blue metallic leather vest with snap buttons up one side of the front. I've got bionic forearms, blue eyes, pale whiteish skin, neon blue and black tattoos around my arms, black medium length hair. And, of course, just to make sure you know this outfit was not some horrible mistake, matching silver sunglasses .

Transneapolitan: Speaking of weird, what's gonna happen to Wednesday?

Ace: We need some anti-toxin, but where would we ever--

And with a blinding flash of light, Midnight is on the scene...

Midnight Spectre 2.0: I have some anti-toxin right here.

Transneapolitan: Oh my God, it's the entire line-up of the JLA !

Cowgirl Jack: Nah! It's only... then again, now that you mention it...

Midnight Spectre 2.0: With my super-hearing I heard you say you needed an anti-toxin from over half a mile away. I used my deductive reasoning to piece together an off-kilter but effective strategy that allowed me to instantly figure out the path of least resistance through the frey. Still, it's a good thing I know Ninjitsu, Capoiera, Krav Maga, and several forms of Kung-Fu, just in case. Now I can administer this plant venom anti-toxin I happen to keep in my glove... just in case.

JLR: .

Midnight Spectre 2.0: .

Ace: Oh, is that all?!

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Do you like this new suit I had conveniently stashed right next to NOWHERE with lightweight adamantium mesh lining... among other things?

Midnight Spectre 2.0 strikes a triumphant pose.

JLR: Oooooh !

In a flash, Midnight Spectre 2.0 administers the anti-toxin to Wednesday, and uses... some new power to speed up the hero's metabolism.

Wednesday: Wow! Thanks Mr. Midnight.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: No problem, closet pervert who's too afraid of his own gaping insufficiency to ever hold a steady relationship! I'm here to help.

And with a thumb up, Midnight flies into the frey and saves EVERYONE, because he's really powerful and can do that !

The End?

SLAP!

Wednesday: Ow! What was that for ?

Cowgirl Jack: You've been laying there mumbling about pretty women and matching silver sunglasses for the last twenty minutes.

Ace: Ever since that Vegi-La wannabe poisoned you. We had to get you back somehow.

Wednesday: So you slapped me ?

Fused: Actually, it looked more like a bitch slap . Who'd have ever thought that would make a good anti-toxin?

Wednesday: I had the strangest dream. And you were there, and you were there, and you were there. You were all arguing, talking about...

Transneapolitan: Talking about what? What did we say to each other?

Wednesday: Ummm... not important .

Fused: Well, Chessmaster is still out of the game. He's been staring at that chessboard ever since Malfoy put a whammy on it. And Ace already tried slapping him.

Transneapolitan: A lot!

Ace: .

Wednesday: Well, he's probably having some messed up dream sequence about girl scout goons that, Gob willing, won't effect continuity .

Cowgirl: Why do you say that?

Wednesday: Ummm... not important. Now help me up. We've got a team to fight.

To be continued...

Fused: Wait a %$#^in' minute. Wasn't I just getting rounds pumped into my arms by a really hot psycho-bitch?

Ace: Yeah. I grabbed you, remember? We bumped in that crazy Beowulf guy that tore peoples arms off and drank them. It was some pretty suspensful stuff.

Transneapolitan: As a matter of fact, I think Centurian and I were in the middle of dying.

Wednesday: Waitaminute. Are you guys complaining? What's the problem here?

Ace: Continuity.

Wednesday: Oh yeah. . . Well what else can you expect from 3 interludes and a flashforward double dream sequence?

Cowgirl Jack: And a cherry on top? Not to mention the boards have been going all screwy.

Wednesday: Well it's obvious that we all got zapped here after Chessmaster's board got whammied. . . I think. . .

Fused: Well I don't care why or how. The important thing is that I'm not getting shot at or having my head ripped off.

Cowgirl Jack: Uhm, guys? I'm assuming Midnight is still with RM and Hybrid. If you guys got zapped to here. . . where's Thorfen?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Meanwhile, a block and a half away on Big Street and 4th. . .

Thorfen: Come on yon beasties! Each and every one of ye shall have a chance to taste my axe! ! !

The 3 foot 2 warrior becomes encircled by Spring Heeled Jack, the fire breathing spring-footed criminal of lore, Grendel, the blood-drinking murdering Demon-Creature, T-X the female cybernetic anti-terminator terminator, 6 mini-veggie beasts, and a towering 15 foot Vegi-La plant monster.

A bright light flashes and a mystical energy cloud begins to swirl around and then engulf Thorfen. When the smoke dissipates the CSF see standing before them a young skinny teenage boy wearing glasses, sneakers, pajama pants and a white cotton bathrobe.

Centurian: Uhmm. . .CJ?. . .Ace?. . .Anybody?

The CSF is regrouped together in the Ambassadors office. Hybrid tries standing in their way, not being much of a threat. Spring-Heeled Jack and Francisco Scaramanga break into one of the Ambassadors giant safes to steal the goods. Professor Moriarty snaps out of a trance linked with Chessmaster. After they have all that they want Moriarty speaks.

Moriarty- Malfoy, are the JLR still buying you're illusion.

Malfoy eyes roll to the back of his head as he sees through the illusions eyes- Multiplus Criminus.

Of course. As far as they know I'm still blissful and obediant. And the dice boy is tied up and gagged in the corner, thanks to Terminatrix and Springheeled Jack.

Moriarty- Alright, we've seen from these heroes what we've come here to see. Let's go.

Scaramanga- Hmmm.... Looks like one of our members is lagging behind.

The CSF turn to see The Wolfman and Hybrid circling each other ready to attack.

Hybrids body cocks back and arches into the build of a large canine. He scratches at the ground and grits his teeth trying to sharpen them. Both let out a growl as drool starts dripping from their fangs.

Malfoy- This should be rather interesting... Sic em boy!

The Wolfman springs into an attack knocking Hybrid down.

Hybrids mind- Aughh, can't let him bite.... me!

A previous victims blood drips down from the Wolfman's teeth.

Hybrids mind- Blood. So good. Tempting...

He fights for control of himself to keep from going primal and giving in to the animal urges.

Hybrids mind- NO! Can't let myself slip. Got to stay in control. He's too powerful for me to fight head on right now. But...!

Hybrid suddenly gets an idea. He relaxes his muscles as his body goes limp. He stops breathing and closes his eyes. The Wolfman kneels down to his body and begins sniffing, tilting his head in confusion.

Moriarty- WHAT!?! No, you idiot, he's still alive! He's playing possum!

The Wolfman turns and growls at Moriarty.

With his head turned Hybrid uses the chance to spring his knees back and launch the Wolfman into the CSF. They fall backwards into the open safe. Hybrid jumps up and presses a button slamming a door shut behind them.

RM- (sarcastic tone) Oh yippee, you finally did it. Do you think you can let me out of these chains now?

Hybrid- Sorry it took so long for me to beat them "your majesty"...

RM- Oh that's okay, less chance of any continuity errors...

Hybrid- Wha?

RM- Gah, nevermind. I guess I was wrong...

Hybrid walks over to him and picks up the chains.

Hybrid- Man, these chains are pretty heavy. Strong too.

Suddenly the Ambassador walks in.

Ambassador- What is going on in here? I hire you super freaks (super freaks, they're super freaky. Yow!) to get some work done, to take care of a few criminal and you destroy half of Big City. And this is a BIG city. Half of Big City is like the entire Small City! And what is he doing wrapped up in that prop for the Memorial Day Parades?

He motions to RM. Suddenly the big heavy chains change into plastic and grow lighter in Hybrids hand.

Hybrid- What? It's fake!

Back in the safe....

Moriarty- Come Syndicate, it's past time we made our leave of this place.

Scaramanga- But surely you jest. We're about to beat them.

Moriarty- No we're not! You know as well as I do how the story goes. Good guy meets bad guy, good guy fights bad guy, and then good guy beats bad guy. And you're falling into that same old tired cliché. All of you. But not this time. This time is different. This time we're real. No longer are we fictional characters, forced by some writer to fight in some story where we're destined to lose. We can think for ourselves, we can plan, and we can win. We will win!

You! Agent Smith. You were always written too arrogant and cocky. So sure of yourself never doubting you would win, and look what happened.

Smith looks straight down frowning and mutters to himself- Anderson...

Moriarty- But now, Smith. Now you can have caution and be more careful when it comes to that.

And Jack, you're not crazy as you've been written so many times.

He looks toward Jack bouncing in place, blowing bubbles with his spit.

Moriarty-.... Well... Not as crazy.

And you. Terminatrix; behind all those muscles and weapons there is a brain. Use it! We've all had our tragic flaws that've led to our eventual and cruelly inevitable downfall. We've made the mistakes, now we must learn from them, or we'll be doomed to have history repeat itself. We still have all of our older powers. Plus in this world we can control every fictional element there is.

Spring-Heeled Jack- Soooo.... What now?

Moriarty- Now.... we write our own story!

The rest of the JLR arrive into the Office minus Centurian. Wednesday gets stuck dragging Chessmaster stiff frozen body there.

Wednesday- I still don't see why I had to do all the hard work!

Fused- Heh.

CJ- I told you why. I may not know what you thought in your dream but I do know I don't like it.

Wednesday- (Under his breath) Geez, someones acting a bit Midnight-ey. Acting like she can read my mind or sumthin...

CJ- No, but I can hear people whispering!

Wednesday- Oop!

CJ- So what's going on. You guys need any help?

Transneapolitan- Hey, yeah where'd the CSF head off to?

Hybrid gets up in a dramatic pose.-Oh what, them criminals we were fighting. Pshht, I took care of'em.

He points to the safe.

Fused goes to the safe and opens it- Umm Hybrid...?

Hybrid- Yeah, it was a pretty tough fight, you know, what with me being outnumbered by about six people and all but-

Fused- Hybrid!

Hybrid- Huh?

Fused- There's nobody in here....

Ace walks in- Yes, it would seem that there is definitely nobody in here!

CJ- Wow! Another amazing contribution by Ace! How did you ever guess something so EXTREMELY OBVIOUS?

Ace- My keen deductive reasoning!

Hey wait, what's this?

Ace kneels down and picks up a note left by the CSF.

"Another time 'heroes'. We'll be back! Soon"

Ace stands up with the note left by the CSF. “Doesn’t say much does it”?

Registered Member #552’s keen eyes notice something. “Hey, there’s more on the back”.

“Oh yeah”, says Ace sheepishly, as he turns the note over. “And we have your little boy too”.

“Is that it”? Asks Wednesday.

Ace turns the note over again, just to make sure.

“Yep. That’s it”.

“What sort of villains are these? Don’t even leave a forwarding address to their secret hideout…”, grumbles Wednesday

“Well it makes a change from me being the kidnap victim”, says CJ. “But we can’t leave poor Alex with those goons".

“Agreed”, agrees Midnight Spectre. “But these are probably the most formidable foes we’ve ever faced”.

“I don’t know”, muses Ace. “When Chant went all Narratorish, he was pretty tough”.

“These foes are intelligent"! Responded the adamantium-armoured hero. "They can confuse our minds..."

"We don't them to confuse us", chips in Wednesday

Midnight replies with a stern ":izzatso:".

Wednesday replies with a goofy ":um:".

Midnight continues, "As I was saying, they know when to make strategic withdrawals and they don’t leave forwarding addresses”.

“Did you check the phone book”? Asked Transneapolitan.

Old and new members of the JLR turn to the Ice-creamy hero. ":?!:"

“Wha? It was only a suggestion”.

“So how are we going to track ‘em down”? Asked Fused.

“I’m sure Chessmaster would have an answer”, said Ace.

“But he’s still zoned out”, replied Wednesday.

“Remind me not to play a game of chess with him”, said Registered Member #552. “It’ll take all day”.

“Hybrid, RM”, said Midnight Spectre 2.0

“Yes Midnight”, replied Hybrid and Registered Member #552.

“Use your enhanced senses to see if the CSF left any clues”, ordered the midnight hero.

“Right-O”, replied Registered Member #552, using his enhanced vision and smell to track down clues.

“Okay”, said Hybrid, transforming his eyes into those of an eagle, his nose into a bloodhounds and also developing the radar sense of a bat.

“So what do you want us to do”? Asked Fused.

“Yeah”, agreed Transneapolitan.

“See if you can wake up Chessmaster”, suggested Midnight Spectre 2.0

------------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere….

Centurian is strapped to a long table. A fiendish looking contraption is positioned over him. It looks suspiciously like a solar powered laser gun.

Grendel, Wolfman, the Vegi-Beast and Terminatrix stand guard around the chamber, as the other members of the CSF discuss Centurian’s fate.

“I really don’t see the need for all of this ‘technology’”, spat Malfoy. “My magic can take care of the boy”.

“We have been trough this before, Lucius”, replied Professor Morriarty, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “We need your magics to calm Grendel and to ensure the Vegi-Beast’s obedience. I invited Francisco, as I did you, onto this team as you both possess unique and beneficial skills, as does every other member of the CSF”.

“Don’t worry, Malfoy”, said Francisco Scaramanga, as he finished setting some controls. “The solar gun, will ensure the boy co-operates”.

“Co-operates”? Thought Centurian. “What do they mean”?

“And to make doubly sure, Terminatrix and Wolfman are staying here to ensure he does not escape”, continued Moriarty.

“We should check our lair’s security is in order”, offered Agent Smith. “The JLR may get lucky and find us”.

“I doubt that”, laughed Scaramanga.

“But we shall check our defences, none-the-less. Come let us prepare”, said Professor Morriarty as he leads the CSF from the chamber.

Once they were gone, Centurian looks around the room.

The solar gun stood humming above him. He wondered how the gun was going to ensure his co-operation, probably linked to some motion detector maybe? He’d worry about that later.

Terminatrix stood perfectly still, her unblinking eyes stared right at the boy. Wolfman was crouched onto all fours. He let out a slow growl, when Alex looked his way.

“This isn’t good”, thought Centurian. “But fortunately, they didn’t notice me slip my dice into my mouth. For all they're posturing about not making cliché mistakes, they sure fell for the oldest trick in the book”.

Centurian slowly moves his head to one side, facing away from Terminatrix. The Wolfman growls once more…

“Here goes nothing”, thought Centurian, as he spat his dice from his mouth.

*Pa-tooie*

91

As the mystical mist starts to surround Centurian, Terminatrix and Wolfman spring towards the young hero, as the solar gun powers up, ready to fire…

Back in The Big City, the team had split up to find Alex. Wednesday had, after much grumbling and the threat of physical violence, been forced to go with Ace. Unknown to them both (what a surprise) they were under surveillance.

Wedneday: How come I have to work with him?

Ace: Hey, don't blame me. If I had my way we'd be back in the Farmhouse of Justice! I'm missing Beavis and Butthead!

Spandex Monkey Man: Halt, JLRers!

The pair spin round. Wednesday attempts to shift into his steel form, but finds he cannot.

Wedneday: Hey, what the hell is going on?

Spandex Monkey Man: I took the precaution of disabling your powers. Hell, I don't want to get the living crap kicked out of me. And if you so much as think of throwing an exploding card at me you'll find it's transformed into a regular playing card, Ace.

Ace: Huh? ( Hey he's right!

Spandex Monkey Man: Of course I'm right, I'm always right! (steps out of shadows, revealing the fact that he's..short)

Ace and Wedneday:

Spandex Monkey Man: Stop laughing! (tries to get back to being mysterious and in charge) I bring news of the CSF. They've taken the boy Centurian to their evil lair...

Wednesday: (interrupting) We know, Shortstack Monkey Boy!

SMM: Man! Spandex Monkey Man! (shifts into steel form and looms threatenignly)

Wednesday: Hey, that's my power!

SMM: I know. When I de-activated your power I gained the ability to use it. And if you's shut up and listen, I know where the CSF's lair is!!

Ace: Why didn't you say that before, dumbass?

SMM: Look, get Cowgirl Jack and the others and meet me outside the Big City on Route 66. I've got a MLU set up there, and I'll fill you in. I'll get Midnight Spectre, Hybrid and RM552 and take them there directly. Oh, and watch out for Vegi-La, I think he's still on the rampage.

Ace: Cool. Hey what's an MLU?

SMM: Mobile Lair Unit. They've very useful. Now go!

(Spandex Monkey Man flies away. Ace and Wednesday look at each other and run off)

At the Farmhouse of Justice:

TTT knocks at the door. "Hello? Hel-looooo??? Uh... hi. It's TTT from the Penultimate MBL. Sorry we didn't answer our door when you came calling, but we, uh, were in the middle of, umm... saving the world from the, uh, Legion of... of... Nazi Tigers from Mars... yeah... So... I came to offer my assistance. Is anyone here...?"

A dishevelled Britannica opens the Door of Justice.

TTT: Gah! What happened to you?

Brit: Don't worry, it hasn't happened yet.

TTT: Pardon?

Brit: You're a time traveller, you'll figure it out.

TTT: Okaaay. Well I got your note and I'm here to help.

Brit: Cheers.

TTT: Don't mention it.

Brit: Just one little hiccup...

TTT: Oh?

Brit: The note said the team was in Big City.

TTT: Um... oh.... yeah.... Well no harm done. We'll just pop over...

Brit: Sorry. You'll have to go by yourself.

TTT: Why's that? Oh, because you're a future Britannica, correct?

Brit: Immediately prior to the conclusion of the CSF battle. I had to come back to make sure I was here to answer the door, to ensure you were directed to the correct location.

TTT: Hey, haven't you just created a time paradox. How do you know that you have to come back here...?

Brit: Oh, I'm sure you'll sort it out at MBL HQ. Goodbye...

Britannica closes the door.

TTT: Time-travellers....