RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc: 2/15/2005

Singles Match single choice

Tommy Savitz (36%, 8 Votes)

Urg (64%, 14 Votes)

Total Votes: 22 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-16 11:10 AM

Tag Lottery Match single choice

Chris Oakley (35%, 8 Votes)

Captain Sammitch (65%, 15 Votes)

Total Votes: 23 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-16 11:10 AM

Tag Lottery Match single choice

Howler (26%, 6 Votes)

Grimm (74%, 17 Votes)

Total Votes: 23 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-16 11:10 AM

Lipstick Lesbian Tag Team Number One Conteders Match single choice

Bible Babes (Princess Elisa/Batwoman) (48%, 11 Votes)

Stareena/ButterRican (52%, 12 Votes)

Total Votes: 23 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-16 11:10 AM

Tag Lottery Match single choice

Captain of Outer Space (9%, 2 Votes)

Spandex Monkey Man (91%, 21 Votes)

Total Votes: 23 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-16 11:10 AM

Tag Lottery Match single choice

Senor Siesta (17%, 4 Votes)

Joe Mama (83%, 19 Votes)

Total Votes: 23 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-16 11:10 AM

Hardcore Porn Number One Conteders Match: Five man Table Royal single choice

Wednesday (35%, 8 Votes)

James Fantastic (17%, 4 Votes)

Charlie (4%, 1 Votes)

Stupid Dogg (13%, 3 Votes)

Nowhereman (30%, 7 Votes)

Total Votes: 23 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-16 11:10 AM

Nowhereman is sitting on a motorcycle in the parking lot talking on a mobile phone

NM:"Look,I told you before,it aint gonna happen,I aint interested in having another partner!"

He listens to the phone

NM:"Championship gold is not what I am after at the moment,tag team or otherwise. I have another agenda entirely!"

listens again

NM:"Yes I know I'm in a hardcore contenders match tonight but I didnt ask for it. At least it gives me a chance to inflict some pain on a few people!"

listens

NM:"You just dont get it do you? I am not interested,end of conversation!"

He hits the cancel button & turns the phone off

Monroe:"Who the hell is that he's talking to? And what does he mean by `He has an agenda'?"

Marcum:"Who cares,I just wanna see him hit people with that black baseball bat he carries!"

Monroe:"You really are shallow aincha!"

Marcum:"No I'm not shallow at all. Now where are those half nekkid divas?"

As the opening credits end, this week's Havoc starts in the locker room of the Bastardo Family. Grace is at her laptop. King Snarf is getting worked on by a masseuse while Joe Mama talks to him.

JM: ...So I ended up getting her the dozen white roses with a card that said, "Without the red, these roses are incomplete. Without you, so are we." And I had them shipped with some Bath & Body Works stuff with a card telling her "A woman of your caliber deserves support and pampering". I'm telling you, Champ, Sneaky Bunny got spoiled rotten this Valentine's Day!

KS: I would've sent her a Hickory Farms basket. And the card would've said "Don't judge us by our words. Judge us by our meat."

JM: (laughing) Yeah, Champ...that's why I'm handling recruitment.

Louie Bastardo enters the locker room.

LB: Gentlemen, good to see you in high spirits! Tonight will be history-making for the Bastardo Family! Tonight, Joe Mama represents us in our Tag Team Lottery Match to decide the #1 Contender for the Donkey Lovin' Tag Team Titles!

Grace: Don't forget the mini-Rumble next week. That decides the #1 Contender...

LB: Whatever! This type of tournament allows us to scout the best in the RDCW! To see which teams are the wheat of the division, and which ones are the chaff! We may see a team worth inviting into the Family! Grace, who are the candidates?

Grace: Captain Sammitch and Penwing...

KS/JM: Too 'pretty-boy"...

Grace: Howlerama...

KS/JM: Two jobbers...

Grace: Spandex Money Man and Tommy Savitz...

KS: Too goofy...

JM: Too quirky...

LB: Hey, guys! What about those Mexican fellas? Los Monstros Azules?

There's a pause, as both wrestlers look at each other, then glance at Grace and Louie. The four of them bust out laughing together.

KS: Damn, Louie! You had us for a second! Don't they have a shiny-new manager or something?

JM: I heard they went back to Mexico 'cause they couldn't hack it here. Something about their masks being defaced...twice.

More laughter...

LB: (serious now) Listen guys: Stick to the plan. The #1 Contender's spot is nice - it's our main objective. But we really do want to scout these other teams to see who's Bastardo Family material. And, if we can send a message to those people who've run at the mouth about us, then so much the better!

JM: Don't worry, Louie. We've got everything worked out. We've gone over strategy with Grace. We're in perfect accord with each other. Even if the Champ here really didn't send me a nice gift basket yesterday.

KS: YOU RAN ME OVER WITH A CAR!

JM: I gave you the keys...you do still have it, right?

KS: (mutters) I'll grab you something from the vendors outside...

LB: It's good to see you two getting along! Tonight is a Havoc that no one will be able to forget!!!

After a commercial break,the camera fades in to the ring area;the House of Cards theme blares from the PA and an image of the Union Jack flying over Buckingham Palace appears on the Cheese-o-Tron as a man in a dark blue Savile Row tuxedo para-glides from the rafters and makes a perfect three-point landing in the middle of the ring.Ian St.John Bond has arrived in RDCW!!!

IAN:Evening, chaps.

Crowd erupts in a standing O;arena security comes to ringside to help Ian fold up his paraglider.A few seconds later,Ian begins to address the crowd.

IAN:Now, some of you may not be aware of my purpose in coming to RDCW...allow me to explain. Word has got 'round to London of the shenanigans of that insufferable lout Louis J. Bastardo, and I've decided that it's high time someone put him and his mob in their places but good..

Major pops from the stands and a number of cheers from the locker room area.

IAN:To that end, I've set about starting to assemble an elite unit of RDCW athletes with the primary objective of vanquishing Mr. Bastardo and his gang and avenging the wrongs he has inflicted on this proud organization. Which, incidentally, brings me to my first major announcement of the evening-- one of RDCW's best-known tag teams has graciously consented to accept my services, and I will be at their side when they compete in next week's tag team mini-Rumble. Let's bring them out now, shall we?

"Los Muchachos de Hoy" starts to play over the speakers...

....Senor Perdicion and El Daga stride down to the ring wearing 'VIVA SENOR BOND!' T-shirts and carrying small Mexican and British flags.Daga shakes hands with Bond as Perdicion starts to address the crowd.

SP:Muchas gracias,Senor Bond,for coming to our aid after Senor Bastardo's unforgivable betrayal....Senors y senoras,I pledge to you tonight on the honor of my father and his father before him that Los Monstros will not rest until the Bastardo Family has been destroyed forever!

Major pops.Perdicion hands the mike to El Daga.

ED:Senor Bastardo,we looked up to you as a son looks up to his father,and you repaid us by turning your back on us!And you give yourself too much credit for our coming to RDCW--it was Senor Oakley who first saw what we were capable of,and it is Senor Oakley who still supports us even today!

More pops as Daga returns the mike to Bond.

IAN:Oh,yes,I quite forgot to mention that,didn't I?Awfully sorry.(Crowd laughs)Well,we'll put things right straightaway...if you chaps in the PA booth would be so kind?

"Rooster" explodes from the PA system...

....and Chris Oakley drives down the rampway on a Triumph motorcycle,donning an old SAS beret and a "SCREW LOUIE BASTARDO" T-shirt;he high-fives Daga,Perdicion,and Ian in quick succession before turning to face the crowd.He smirks as he imagines what Louie must be thinking right now.

CHRIS:How do you like THOSE apples,Louie?!!

The biggest pops of the night so far.

CHRIS:If you thought getting rid of me solved all your problems,you thought wrong--IT JUST CREATED NEW ONES!

Crowd starts chanting "CKO!CKO!" at the top of their lungs.

CHRIS:Payback's a bitch,Louie--and so are you.If you were half the big man you claim to be,you wouldn't think twice about accepting my cage match challenge.You're running scared,Louie,admit it!

Fans get huge laugh at Louie's expense

CHRIS:But enough about me.Ian here has a special message for James Fantastic...

Ian takes the mike back....

IAN:Yes,there's one other matter that brings me here to RDCW....I was quite distressed to hear of the barbaric treachery my fellow Englishman James Fantastic endured at the hands of Mr.Bastardo.So,James,if you can hear me right now,my services,and those of my new clients,are at your disposal in your quest to right the wrongs done to you.

Crowd cheers the new stable wildly as they exit the ring and start to head back to the locker room area;however,those cheers quickly turn to boos as Joe Mama steps out from behind the curtain.

JM: (Sarcastically) Wow...what a BLOCKBUSTER announcement! The two-bit 007 wannabe is gonna single-handedly take on the Bastardo Family! And what's his plan of attack? He's recruiting the cast-offs and rejects of the very man he's sworn to take down! Good scouting move, Ian! It must be reassuring to know you have a wrestler whose first move is to challenge a non-athlete to a wrestling match - very brave. Very gutsy.

The audience is heartily booing Joe Mama. Grace steps out from the back and hands something to him

JM: Y'know, Chris, I was WICKED impressed with your entrance tonight. You may not be much of a wrestler, and you may be just the type of scumbag who demands matches with managers instead of real wrestlers, but you do know how to make an entrance. Nice beret, by the way. Very...French. But you forgot something in the back. You should always wear your jacket when you're riding a hog. Or a motorcycle.

Joe Mama holds up the white jacket. The back of it has an image of a big pink unicorn airbrushed on it. Above the unicorn is the word "Chris" and "Oakley" is below the unicorn. Both are written in sequins. The audience laughs in spite of itself as Chris does a slow burn.

JM: This jacket is FABULOUS, Chris! You've got quite the Queer Eye! (Turns attention to the Luchadores) And you've got the great Mexican jobbers with you - Los Maricons Azules! El Gaga and his "partner" - my opponent tonight - Senor Siesta! I mean..."Perdicion". Shame that they screwed up your name on the program. Not that anyone noticed the difference.

Senor Perdicion is shouting to Joe Mama in Spanish. El Daga is holding him back.

JM: Let me say this, then I'll let you go back to this in-ring mockery: You wanna step up against the Family? Go ahead and try your luck - roll the damn dice. But know this: I destroyed the three of you on more than one occasion. One more time won't matter. And King Snarf is more than willing to put a supreme hurting on all of you. You wanted the Family's attention? You got it. Good luck gentlemen...you'll need it!!!

Joe Mama turns away and leaves the ring area, leaving Ian Bond and his new faction in the ring. The white jacket is at the top of the ramp.

Without a word,Chris takes the jacket,borrows a marker from Ian,and scrawls the words 'JOE MAMA HAS NO PENIS' on the back.He then motions the cameraman to do a closeup on the jacket;the closeup immediately appears on the Cheese-o-Tron,causing everybody in the arena to burst out laughing.

The camera then follows Chris and Ian backstage to the Bastardos' dressing room;with an Ashton Kutcher-esque "You're gonna get PUNKED,dude!" grin on his face,he gently drapes the jacket in front of the door,making sure to put it right where he knows JM will find it immediately.

IAN:Are you quite certain we ought to be doing this,old man?
CHRIS:Definitely.The look on his face when he sees this will be priceless!
IAN:Now that I ponder it,I must confess that I do find a certain sort of salacious delight in your impromptu prank...now let's make our escape before the blighter catches us.

Chris and Ian slip off-camera;camera then pans down to the jacket as we fade to commercial.

Action blasts out over the speakers, and Fantastic strides down the ramp, guitar in hand. He steps into the ring, and as the crowd cheers he grabs a microphone.

JF: So, Joe Mama thinks he's the big bad dude, does he? 'Ooh, look at me, I'm insulting people! aren't I butch?' Poof

the crowd cheers, and cries of HELL YEAH! can be heard

JF: Look, Joe, you may not take us seriously, but The Bond Brigade have arrived, and you are gonna go down, along with that two bit little cheat Snarf and your little love-slave Grace

More cheers, and a chant of FANTASTIC!

JF: If, and only if, I win the Hardcore Title at No Way Out Of The Closet, I'm challenging you, Joe Mama, to a match for your intercontinental title. You don't deserve that title or any other, and I'm gonna make sure you don't get a chance.

Of course, if you're scared you could always bring your teddy bear along too.

The crowd laughs at Joe Mama

JF: Bond, I appreciate your courageousness and generosity. It's time to take the Bastardo family the hell down, and we are gonna do just that!

Action once again kicks in over the speakers, and Fantastic picks up his guitar and smashes it to pieces in the ring, as the crowd cheers him on

*War Pigs blares over the speakers. The image of Joe Mama's unhappy face fades away from the Cheese-o-tron to be replace with an office. The camera pans right to show the Doctor sitting on the edge of his desk.*

I hate to interrupt this lovers' spat, but I'd like to get this show back on track.

Last week, Chris, you tried to insert yourself back into the Heavyweight Cheese contendership despite knowing full well that you are no longer eligible for that honor or a shot at the IC title until after then next Royal Rumble. And you had the nerve to demand a number one spot at the title for beating someone who is not only nowhere near contention for the belt, but who isn't even a wrestler at all.

I could have sworn that the stipulations I added to your match at the Rumble would have taught you a lesson about interferring with the order of the RDCW. You can add stipulations to matches all you want as long as it doesn't mess with other matches or belts you have no claim to. You ran your mouth off and lost your chance for IC or Heavyweight gold for a year. You had your chance to regain that privilage, and you fail. In light off all that, consider this an official rejection of your contendership stipulation.

This is also notification of your recently booked match at No Way Out of the Closet. You will face the Bastardo Elimination Chamber at this months PPV. Every member of the Bastardo Family in a one on one cage match with their entrance into the match determined at random and entering upon the defeat of the previous member. Class dimissed.

*The image fades out and is replaced by a surprised Chris.*

*Backstage, the Crotch wearing a pompadour wig, is standing with the Dark Lords, Grimm and Darth.

Crotch: "Grimm, we all saw what Balls Nasty did to PJP last week, injuring him and putting him out of action. What is your response to that?"

Grimm: "Nice wig. If Balls Nasty wanted to send me a message, then he's accomplished his goal. He's also accomplished something else. He's created another lifelong enemy who will be looking for him later. Because I know PJP, and I know he'll be back and he'll be after Balls Nasty. That is, if there's anything left of him. Because I don't plan on leaving much of him around. It's not 1992 any longer, Balls. The White Trash Kidd is gone and the Monster of RDCW, the Dark Lord Grimm is here and waiting to rip your soul apart."

Crotch: "What about your singles match tonight against Howler for the lottery for the tag team Rumble?"

Grimm: "Tonight, I take one of Slick Willie's corporate jobbers and I give him an introduction to pain and darkness. Howler, you're gonna tap to the Grimmlock and then it's: Say goodnight to the Sandman. Let's go, big guy."

*Grimm and Darth walk off, Darth taps the Crotch on the back of his head, knocking off his wig as he walks by. The Crotch scrambles to cover up his head as we fade out. . .

I fart in the face of people who don't want to be cool

Stand back! There's a smelly fart coming through!

Monroe: Well, this certaonly looks like being an exciting Havoc so far! We've seen the founding of Ian Bond's new stable, The Bond Brigade!

Marcum: They haven't got a chance! A bunch of Bastardo cast-offs against the Intercuntinental and Big Cheese champs? Don't make me laugh!

Monroe: However, the Bond Brigade may have an ace in the hole in the form of up-and-coming young wrestler James Fantastic, seen by some as the RDCW's hottest new superstar!

Marcum: Now you're just being stupid, Mouth! Do you think Louie would have fired him from the Bastardo Family if he thought he was that good?

Monroe: Frankly, Marcum, hell yeah! This week, Fantastic is engaged in a five man Table Royal to determine who will face Penwing for his hardcore title at No Way Out of The Closet!

Marcum: Penwing shouldn't be so keen to contest his title! When Snarf beats him at Robblemania he's gonna have nothin' left!

Monroe: Maybe. The newest member of our backstage interview team, female interviewer Chesty Lerou, has been backstage to get an interview with James Fantastic!

the camera mixes to a backstage area. Chesty, a blonde ditz dressed in a tight t-shirt and Denim shorts, is interviewing Fantastic

Chesty: So, Mr. Fantastic, what do you think of your incoming Table Royal match?

JF: I won't lie to you, Chesty, it's gonna be a tough one. I'm going up against some of the most dangerous men the RDCW has on it's roster, and you just cannot forget about Charlie, as he's shown time and time again over recent weeks.

Chesty: What will your stipulation be if you win the match?

JF: Well, the way I see it, hardcore titles should only be contested in one type of match...

Chesty: You're gonna challenge him to a Ladder match?

Fantastic laughs

JF: Actually, I was thinking of a Hardcore match.

Chesty: Oh, yeah, right.

Chesty laughs embarassedly. She sounds like a drowning donkey

Chesty: On a different note, what do you think of Joe Mama's recent insults to your associates The Bond Brigade, and The Bastardo Elimination Chamber match scheduled for No Way Out of The Closet?

JF: Frankly, Joe's being tuly pathetic. The Bastardo family is over, it's only got two members, both of whom are of questionable quality, and yet he still thinks he has the right to shoot his mouth off about it. I would definetely say that one of my long term aims is to get the Intercuntinental title off of him and back where it belongs, with a wrestler of genuine talent.

As for the Doctor, I'm beginning to get a bit fed up of his attitude. From day one he's seemed willing to let the Bastardo's get away with murder, rather than stamping down good and hard on them. They're just as much of a threat as the RwO were, if not more of one. As far as I can see, the doc's just frightened of Louie and his boys. I'm gonna take them down, Doc, and any time you want to try and stop me, feel free to step in that ring and fight.

Tommy Savitz vs URG

In his first RDCW match, Tommy Savitz was to face the caveman, URG. Tommy put up a great showing, managing to knock URG off his feet with several technical moves and score more than a few two-counts. But not even five consecutive Anaesthetists could stop the behemoth. URG's brute strength ended the match when, grabbing Tommy by the ankles, URG slammed Tommy's body against the ring posts, the ropes, and the mat. URG eventually remembered to get the pin.

Tag Lottery Match: Chris Oakley vs. Captain Sammitch

"Rooster" blasts over the speakers as Chris Oakley makes his way down the ramp. The crowd gives him a warm reception as he enters ring. However, when "Let's Get It Started" plays, and Captain Sammitch, accompanied by Sneaky Bunny, makes his entrance, the crowd errupts. Oakley tries to look positive as Sammitch enters the ring. He holds his hand out to Sammitch, who reluctantly takes it.

Monroe: I can't believe I'm witnessing this! Captain Sammitch shaking hands with Chris Oakley!

Marcum: Would you like me to pass you some tissues?

The bell rings and the match gets underway. With Sneaky Bunny cheering him on, Sammitch quickly tries to make the match a technical masterpiece. The two wrestlers continue to exchange holds on each other, with Oakley finally getting a quick roll-up for a one-count before Sammitch reversed it for a one-count of his own. Oakley rolled Sammitch right back up for two, but Sammitch reversed it for another two.

Monroe: We are truly viewing a technical marvel tonight! And the respect these two wrestlers are showing is truly admirable!

Marcum: Monroe, I'm drowning in your tears over here!

Oakley picks up the pace of the match, sending Sammitch into the ropes for the Lock And Load, but Sammitch uses the momentum to set up a clothesline. Oakley manages to duck, and Sammitch stops at the opposite ropes. He turns around and walks right into a drop kick. Oakley quickly goes for the cover when Ben Harper's "Faded" blasts over the speakers and Joe Mama and King Snarf walk onto the ramp. Oakley stands up and walks over the ropes, yelling at Joe Mama and motioning for him to come to the ring. Joe looks over to Sneaky Bunny and mouths to her "Call me" as he holds up his hand to his ear like a telephone. Sneaky Bunny looks over to Sammitch and yells for him to get up.

Monroe: Did Joe Mama just motion for Sneaky Bunny to call him?

Marcum: I believe he just did. Uh oh, Oakley isn't paying attention to the match. Joe Mama is right about him, he just can't stay focused on the task at hand!

Captain Sammitch gets back to his feet and catches Oakley completely off guard for a series of Sammitch Suplexes.

Monroe: He just gave him six Sammitch Suplexes!

Marcum: Oakley is finished!

Captain Sammitch goes for the cover and gets the first victory of the lottery matches. "Let's Get It Started" plays again, and Sneaky Bunny enters he ring and raises Sammitch's arm in victory. Joe Mama and King Snarf, still standing at the top of the ramp, share a laugh at Oakley's expense before heading back to the locker room.

Howler vs Grimm

Howler entered the arena first, accompanied by “Slick” Bill Williams and Highwayman. Chants of “SELLOUT!! SELLOUT!!” could be heard from the screaming arena fans. “Return of the Living Dead” cued up over the speakers and Grimm made his way onto the ramp way. Noticing the three men in the ring, Grimm paused for a moment and lifted the Cell to Hell from his jacket pocket. Holding the phone up for the screaming RDCW fans, Grimm dialed “666”...and the arena went dark as “The Imperial March” played and Darth rose up from the arena floor in the flood of red lights.

The sides even, the match was underway with both wrestlers surprisingly engaging in some technical maneuvers, rather than their standard power moves. However, this part of the match ended as Howler produced a piece of chain from inside a jacket pocket. Bill Williams jumped up on the ring apron, distracting the ref, while Highwayman lured Darth around the ring and Howler promptly attacked Grimm with the chain.

Monroe: This is disgusting! Howler is deliberately trying to seriously injure his opponent in order to win this match by unfair means!

Marcum: I don't know what you're talking about! Howler's simply trying to wear down the competition. I call it good strategy!

Monroe: You would!

Grimm, despite being badly hurt and bleeding, managed to recover and kick out of a pin attempt as Highwayman and Darth entered the ring. Darth knocked Highwayman flat to the mat with a Sabre Slam. But then Darth unfortunately found himself on the receiving end of a Wolfman Slam, but this allowed Grimm to gather his strength, and he flattened
Howler with a Flatliner. A Flatliner for Bill Williams followed, knocking the Texas oilman to the floor.

Grimm then hit Howler with The Crapping Wizard, but Highwayman re-entered the ring and distracted him by hitting him with Highway Robbery. He and a bloodied but unbowed Howler then hit Grimm with Consumerism, but Darth rose to his feet and broke the pin. He then grabbed Highwayman and hit a Darkside Slam, knocking him out. However Howler grabbed Darth and scored a Big Business, forcing Darth to quit the ring. Howler then turned back to Grimm, only to find himself on the receiving end of another Flatliner.

Charlie then came barreling down from backstage, ignoring a still hurt Darth and entering the ring, attacking Grimm with The Zeitgeist. He then hauled Grimm to his feet to hit him with another Zeitgest before scoring a Kapitalizm. An exhausted Grimm staggered to his feet, only to be sprayed in the face with The Rage, setting him up for The Full Moon.

Darth, despite still showing the strain of Howler's Big Business, re-entered the ring to score a double Sith-Spawn on the Company Men. Grimm then dragged Howler to the turnbuckle and hit him with a Triple 6 Bomb.

Monroe: Grimm has the match sewn up! All he has to do is pin Howler for the victory…

However, Grimm locked Howler in a Grimmlock, reviving a groggy Howler with the pain. Howler attempted to hang on as long as he could, but he didn't last long before tapping out to give Grimm the victory.

After the match, the bloodied and battered Grimm raised his hand as Darth joined him in ring, while the Company gathered their wits outside and recovered. However, instead of Grimm’s music, “Bad Company” blared throughout the CheeseDome.

Startled, Grimm turned towards the ramp way as The Company laughed and applauded. Entering the ring from somewhere in the crowd, Balls Nasty attacked both of the Dark Lords from behind with a Camaro Cut for Darth and a Kentucky Waterfall on Grimm.

Balls Nasty spit on the Dark Lords as he slapped Grimm’s face repeatedly, mocking him. Bill Williams entered the ring and attempted to shake Balls Nasty’s hand, only to be rebuffed by the convict, who turned and walked away from the ring, leaving the CheeseDome the way he entered it.

Number One Contender's Match: Bible Babes vs The Divas

This match to determine who would face the Midwest Hotties was a see-saw battle from the start. The crowd was treated to both amazing technical wrestling and brutal brawling throughout. Ultimately, it was Stareena and ButterRican's experience that won the match over the relatively new Bible Babes, as Batwoman fell victim to a sunset flip-into-a-pin by Stareena. Unfortunately, the ref didn't see ButterRican grab Stareena's hands to help with the pin.

Captain Of Outer Space vs Spandex Monkey Man

The match saw one of the RDCW's newest wrestlers go up against a veteran in the tag team division in a match that saw dramatic reversals of fortune and interference from one of the RDCW's leading bad guys.

Spandex Monkey Man started the match well, hitting The Captain with a Flying Banana Chop before locking in The Monkey Wrench, whilst Rosalita watched from ringside clapping and cheering. However The Captain of Outer Space grabbed the rope to break the hold before coming back with a Bulldog and Big Splash to score a 1 count.

The match continued in this vein, with neither one of the wrestlers maintaining a strong enough lead to maintain a victory. However, things changed when Johnny Evil arrived, yelling 'Message for Notwedge!' before laying into The Captain.

Marcum: What is Johnny Evil doing? Why's he attacking The Captain?

Monroe:He's sending Notwedge a message via his tag partner!

However, Spandex attacked Johnny Evil from behind, Irish Whipping him into the ropes before hitting a Spandex Superkick. Rosalita entered the ring and nailed a Lovebomb onto Evil, and the pair then evicted Johnny Evil from the ring to the cheers of the crowd.

The Captain, meanwhile, had crawled to the ropes to help himself get up. However, Spandex knocked him back to the mat with a Spandex Superkick before going for The Might of The Monkey to score the pin and victory.

Senor Perdicion vs Joe Mama

“Los Muchachos de Hoy” plays as Senor Perdicion stomps to the ring alone. He enters the ring and stands in its center, waiting for his opponent to arrive. A few moments later, “Faded” plays and Joe Mama – Inter-Cunt-Inental belt around his waist – makes his way to the ring amid the boos of the crowd. He rolls into the ring, goes nose-to-nose with the big Luchador and, after a few moments of trash-talking each other, walks away from him to hand his belt to the timekeeper. When he turns around, his eyes go wide as he sees James Fantastic and Chris Oakley march to the ring He rolls out of the ring as the pair enter.

Monroe: Looks like Joe Mama doesn’t like those odds!

Madman: Of course he doesn’t! Why are they even butting into this match? Joe Mama didn’t interfere with them! It’s obvious the former Bastardos are jealous of the Champ and know that Senor Sie…Perdicion can’t beat him!

Referee: Get in this ring, Champ! Let’s get this match started!

JM: Fuck you, ref! Get those two outta there! This is a one-on-one match, not a handicap match! Either clear the trash out of the ring, or call the match and name me winner!

The ref instructs Chris Oakley and James Fantastic to leave the ring area and not come back for the duration of the match. The pair argues momentarily, then start to leave. Chris is shouting, “I’ll get you, dammit! I’ll kill you!!!” while James is shouting, “You and I’ll dance soon enough, Chump!” Joe Mama ignores Chris and calls to James, “Sooner than you think, pussy! Go take a cum bath!!!” Then, once the two wrestlers are gone, re-enters the ring.

The wrestlers lock up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Senor Perdicion manages to get a headlock and uses his height and weight advantage to force Joe Mama to the mat, then drops a few elbows onto his back. With Joe Mama on the mat, Senor Perdicion starts kicking him in the ribs and on the back. After a few moments of this, Senor Perdicion picks Joe Mama up and Irish whips him into the ropes. But Joe Mama ducks the clothesline, bounces off the opposite ropes, and delivers a clothesline of his own to the Luchador. Not satisfied to rest for a moment, Joe Mama goes to work on Perdicion. Grabbing him by the front of his mask, Joe Mama hammers him with closed fists to the head. The ref stops him from using the illegal punches, so Joe Mama pulls Senor Perdicion to his feet, flings him into the ropes, and drives the big man into the mat with an Enforcer.

Joe Mama stands for a moment to admire his work. As the fans boo him, he shouts to them, “This is how the Family deals with their enemies!” He turns to the ramps and yells, “Are you watching Oakley? James? This is what the Family has in store for you!!!” Then he drapes his opponent over the ropes and plants his knees behind the Luchador’s neck in a blatantly illegal choke. The ref counts to four before Joe Mama breaks the hold, running back to the opposite ropes, then hitting Senor Perdicion with a cross-body as he lays over the rope. The ref starts yelling at Joe Mama about illegal moves, so Joe Mama pulls Senor Perdicion away from the ropes and executes a suplex, using the ropes to slingshot the big man’s legs. There’s a loud THUD! as Senor Perdicion hits the mat. Joe Mama stands smiling, then climbs to the top rope and hits Senor Perdicion with a Flying Tea Bag Slam. But, rather than pin his opponent, he stands up and looks around for a second.

Monroe: What’s he doing? Pin the man! Haven’t you done enough???

Madman: He’s considering his options, Monroe! He’s not done sending a message to Chris Oakley, James Fantastic and the rest of them!

Joe Mama climbs to the top rope, turns, and delivers a moonsault onto Senor Perdicion.

Madman: Taxidermy!!! Joe Mama’s returning the props that Sneaky Bunny gave him!!!

Joe Mama turns back to the ramp and yells, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Sneaky Bunny!” then blows a kiss out to the ramp area and drops to pin Senor Perdicion. The ref counts three and “Faded” plays again. As he walks up the ramp, a cameraman following him, he looks into the camera and says, “I’m dedicating that match to Sneaky Bunny! To show her how the Family deals with their foes, and her foes are our foes!!!”

Madman: I don’t know about you, Monroe, but I think Joe Mama just made a strong push to have Sneaky Bunny join the Bastardo Family!

Monroe: Why would she turn her back on her friends, though? Why turn away from a Champion-caliber team?

Madman: You saw what he did to Senor Siesta! That’s how the Bastardo Family deals with their opponents! Obviously, if they’re offering her a chance to join them, they think very highly of her!

Hardcore Porn Number One Contenders Match: Five-Man Table Royale

The crowd cheers as "Rock And Roll Part 2" blasts over the speakers and PenWing walks to the ramp, the Hardcore Porn Belt around his waist, and his Sherwood raised in his left hand. He makes his way to the ring and inspects each table before having a short conversation with the referee. The referee nods and PenWing walks over to the announce table, placing the title belt and his Sherwood on top of the table before taking a seat between Monroe and Marcum and putting on a headset.

Marcum: I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome PenWing to the announce table for the match tonight. I'm actually surprised to see you here tonight, on your night off.

Monroe: How could he take the night off with Joe Mama openly seducing his teammate, Sneaky Bunny?

Marcum: He's not seducing her. He's just wishing her a happy Valentine's Day. I did the same thing for all of the female wrestlers.

PenWing: Yes you did, Madman. That reminds me, Meeko wanted me to give this back to you. (PenWing gives Marcum a gift certificate for Victoria’s Secret) She said you need it more than she does.

Monroe: Speaking of Joe Mama, how do you feel about his attempt to seduce Sneaky Bunny?

PenWing: Joe used to be very close with Sneaky, especially when she first came to the RDCW. I think he's jealous that she chose to join up with Meeko and remain a Midwest Hottie after he switched his allegiance to the Bastardo Family. He can say what he wants, but Sneaky has found success, and she has the support of people who will never turn their backs on her.

Marcum: But what about a title shot? Will Meeko give her a shot at the Women's Boobie Belt?

PenWing: All Sneaky has to do is ask. She knows that.

"Bring the Pain!" by Method Man hits and Wednesday makes his way to the ring carrying his lead pipe.

Marcum: Here comes the first contestant. PenWing, why did you invite Wednesday to compete in this match after barely beating him at the Rumble?

PenWing: Put simply, Madman, he's the former champ, and he deserves a chance to face me.

"Action" by Sweet starts up just as Wednesday gets to the top of the ring stairs, and James Fantastic comes running down the ramp, guitar in hand. Wednesday turns around as James swings his guitar, knocking Wednesday off of the stairs and onto the ground.

Monroe: The One and Only James Fantastic! Wednesday's got his hands full now!

Marcum: It won't do James any good if he doesn't get Wednesday into the ring! This is a Table Royale, not a falls-count-anywhere! In fact, there is no count!

"Wild Boys" blasts over the speakers and Charlie runs down the ramp. He picks up Wednesday's pipe and smacks James over the head. He then helps Wednesday back to his feet and slides him into the ring.

PenWing: Finally, someone figured out how this match works.

As Charlie helps James into the ring, Bob Seger's "Shakedown" plays over the speakers, and Stupid Dogg makes his way down the ramp. Charlie enters the ring, but as he gets to his feet, Wednesday grabs his arm and Irish Whips him into the corner. He runs towards him, but James trips Wednesday in the middle of the ring. As James gets to his feet, SD runs at him with a clotheline, knocking him right back down.

"Creeping Death" by Metallica plays, and everyone in the ring stops, but Nowhereman is nowhere to be seen.

Marcum: Where is he? Don't tell me he chickened out!

Just then, one of the fire doors breaks open as Nowhereman rides into the arena on his bike. The crowd cheers as makes his way to ring. He parks his bike and slowly walks around the ring, carefully examining each table. He then slowly walks up the steps and enters the ring. The other wrestlers surround NM.

Monroe: As you can clearly see, Nowhereman has a flair for the dramatic!

Marcum: He's about to have flair up his ass!

A bat slides down each of NM's sleeves, and he quickly moves to attack Wednesday, knocking him down with The Fucking Cuntline. SD then grabs NM and runs him into the corner, and Charlie catches James with Kapitalizm. SD starts beating NM with a series of punches in the corner.

Monroe: He's giving him Rabies!

Charlie tries to set James up for Big Business, but Wednesday, back on his feet, knocks him into the ropes with a standing drop kick. He then runs at him, flipping him over the ropes with a clothesline. Charlie somehow lands on the ring apron, but Wednesday finishes him off with a Super Kick, sending him right through the first table!

Monroe: See you next Tuesday, Charlie! The Company is oh for two tonight!

As Wednesday turns around, James grabs his legs and sends him over the ropes and out of the ring. He then picks up one of NM's bats and nails SD on the back. SD falls over, and the now free NM executes a Cunt-Fu kick on James, sending him hard to the mat. NM grabs SD's hair and drags him to the ropes. He then lifts SD up and sends him over the ropes and through the table with a Fuck Off Slam.

Monroe: Only three contestants left!

NM walks over to James and grabs his hair, dragging him over the other side of the ring. He lifts James up, but James kicks NM with a low blow, and NM releases his hold. James then climbs the corner ropes and nails NM with the Super-Cool. By this time, Wednesday climbs back into the ring. He picks up a loose bat and runs at James, knocking him down. Wednesday then picks James up and caries him to the ropes by one of the two remaining tables. However, before Wednesday can toss James over, NM gets back to his feet and takes out Wednesday with a neck-breaker. James manages to get off the ropes, but NM kicks him in the stomach and eliminates him with The Poof Smasher, right through the table.

As Nowhereman looks on, Joe Mama comes out of the crowd and goes straight for James, mocking him about shooting his mouth off and having to earn a title shot, smacking him around, and dragging him into the crowd to continue the beating.

Monroe: What is Joe Mama doing here?

Marcum: He’s teaching James Fantastic a valuable lesson! You don’t mouth off about the Bastardo Family!

Monroe: But this is a match!

PenWing: Joe’s not interfering, and James can take care of himself. He is the “One And Only.”

Monroe: Yes he is!

Marcum: Well, it’s only Nowhereman and Wednesday now, and Wednesday is still down! This is Nowhereman's match to lose!

Monroe: What the hell? Why is Winged Creature running down the ramp?

Distracted by Joe Mama's attack on James, Nowhereman doesn't notice Winged Creature climbing the corner ropes and Stupid Dogg getting back into the ring, as walks towards Wednesday. Simultaneously, Stupid Dogg executes a running baseball slide at Nowhereman's legs while WC hits him with a flying drop kick to the chest.

Marcum: They're Taking Out The Trash!

PenWing: That's blatant interference! Excuse me, gentlemen.

PenWing stands up, takes off his headset, grabs his Sherwood, and runs to the ring. He slides in and shatters his stick with a British Columbia Two-Hander to SD's back, sending him down hard to the mat. Winged creature takes a run at PenWing, but he's nailed with a Spin-o-Rama. PenWing walks over to SD and rolls him out of the ring. PenWing walks over to WC, and rolls him under the ropes and right onto the last table. With the crowd roaring, PenWing climbs the corner ropes and hits WC with The High Holy Howe, right through the table.

Monroe: PenWing decimated Winged Creature!

Marcum: The knucklehead just took out the last table! Now how is this match going to be resolved?!?

Not caring about the lack of a table outside the ring, Wednesday climbs the ropes and hits NM with Seven Days. He then drags NM to the ropes, and pulls him out of the ring.

Monroe: What is he doing?

Marcum: I have no idea.

Wednesday helps NM to his feet, and runs him into the ring post. Taking NM's arm, he pulls him back up, and walks him towards the announce table.

Marcum: He's not coming over here, is he?

Monroe: I think we've got incoming!

Wednesday whips NM into the announce table. He then rolls him on top. Monroe and Marcum back away as Wednesday removes the monitors at throws them on the ground.

Monroe: What are you doing?

Wednesday: This is a table!

Marcum: He's got a point there!

Wednesday climbs on top of the table and helps NM up. NM punches Wednesday, sending him to a knee. PenWing slowly walks over to the table and picks up his headset from the ground.

PenWing: This is really something, isn't it?

Monroe: They're destroying our announce table!

PenWing: The only way to eliminate an opponent is to put him through a table! This is hardcore, Madman!

Marcum: This is fucked up!

Wednesday finally gets in a hard punch to NM's head, and follows it up with a kick to the stomach. NM bends forward, and that's all Wednesday needs to set up and execute the Midweek Crunch! The table collapses beneath them as NM's head hits the table top, and the bell rings.

The ref walks over to raise Wednesday's arm as "Bring the Pain!" plays over the speakers.

Monroe: It's going to be the former Hardcore Porn Champion Wednesday vs. PenWing at No Way Out of the Closet! Find out what type of match Wednesday chooses on next weeks Havoc!