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Notwedge/Cap. of Outer Space (Champs) (27%, 7 Votes)
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King Snarf/ Joe Mama (23%, 6 Votes)
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Captain Sammitch/PenWing (50%, 13 Votes)
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Nuriko (72%, 18 Votes)
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Grace (28%, 7 Votes)
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Son of Mxy (Champ) (56%, 15 Votes)
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James Fantastic (44%, 12 Votes)
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Rue de Nocturne (19%, 5 Votes)
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Typhoid Dave (81%, 22 Votes)
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Howlerama (64%, 16 Votes)
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Los Monstrous Azules (36%, 9 Votes)
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Meeko/Sneaky Bunny (Champs) (48%, 13 Votes)
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Stareena/Butterrican (52%, 14 Votes)
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Tommy Savitz (60%, 15 Votes)
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Charlie (40%, 10 Votes)
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PenWing (Champ) (27%, 7 Votes)
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Wednesday (73%, 19 Votes)
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Grimm (76%, 19 Votes)
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Balls Nasty (24%, 6 Votes)
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Captain Sammitch (Champ) (46%, 12 Votes)
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Nowhereman (54%, 14 Votes)
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Chris Oakley (23%, 6 Votes)
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The Bastardo Family (77%, 20 Votes)
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The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Monroe: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to No Way Out of the Closet! We have got a jam packed show for you tonight!
*The Cheese-o-tron comes to life and we see Nuriko and her bodyguard, Two-Ton Tommy, walking down a hall backstage.*
Marcum: I'd like to put some jam in that packed Kimono!
*Nuriko and Tow-Ton Tommy, enter her private locker room. There is a package waiting for her.*
Nuriko: I wonder what this could be? (shakes it)
*Two-Ton Tommy looks over the package, and notices a card. He reads it.*
Two-Ton Tommy: "It's no Samurai sword, but it should be quite effective tonight when you say good night to Gracie. PenWing."
*An angry look comes over Two-Ton Tommy as he crumples the card and looks over to Nuriko.*
Two-Ton Tommy: I'm going to kill him!
Nuriko: (Calms Tommy down) No, no, I don't need any more enemies right now. Just be ready for anything. Here's what we do . . . (Whispers into his ear)
Marcum: What the hell? Why is that knucklehead sending Nuriko a present? And what does he mean with that card?
Monroe: You know what they say: "The enemy of my enemy is my friend!" And tonight, it's "Good night Gracie!"
<sub>Will Eisner's last work - The Plot: The Secret Story of the Protocols of the Elders of ZionRDCW Profile"Well, as it happens, I wrote the damned SOP," Illescue half snarled, "and as of now, you can bar those jackals from any part of this facility until Hell's a hockey rink! Is that perfectly clear?!" - Dr. Franz Illescue - Honor Harrington: At All Costs"I don't know what I'm do, or how I do, I just do." - Alexander Ovechkin</sub>
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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<Captain Sammitch walks into the locker room, a puzzled look on his face.>
PW: What's on your mind, partner?
CS: Did you send Nuriko a gift for her match?
PW: I did.
CS: Are you sure that's a good idea? This is Nuriko! She has a bodyguard who almost destroyed your career, just for fun! She was a Bastardo Family member who was thrown out by Louie Bastardo himself! And, to top it off, she is a long time rival of Sneaky Bunny, who, may I remind you, is our teammate, and is being courted by Joe Mama!
PW: All good points. However, she is also heading into a match against Louie's tactician, Grace, and the special guest referee may as well be on the Bastardo payroll! The way I see it, this evens the odds.
CS: PenWing, Nuriko is psychotic! Need I remind you that she went after Grace with a katana!? She doesn't need anyone's help, especially not at the expense of alienating out own teammate!
PW: Nuriko isn't psychotic. She's a loose cannon, but she's not psychotic. And as for Sneaky, she knows where we stand. She knows what she is a part of, what she has now. I can't force her to stay if she doesn't want to. It's like I told Joe, she has to make that decision on her own. Now, about our match-
CS: Yeah, about that. I realize that we both have to defend our titles tonight...
PW: So you don't think you can give one hundred percent to the tag match?
CS: No, no, no. I definitely intend to do that. See, it's like this. Considering what you want to spring on the RDCW at RobbleMania, I think we both need to build our credibility a bit more before anyone will take it seriously. Now, I know I don't usually get too excited about belts. But if you think about it, between the two of us, we're only missing two of those belts. And I think you know which two I'm talking about.
PW: I think I get where you're coming from.
CS: I'm leaving it to you to bring the heavyweight belt home for the team. You've been busting your ass for it for a long time. But I think tonight, we need to concentrate on this BattleWar... What the hell kinda name is that anyway? But yeah. If we have any kind of chance to snag that tag title, I definitely think we should go for it.
PW: So now you're saying we shouldn't plan on defending the belts we already have so we can get one we may not realistically be able to win?
CS: Not at all, 'Wings. I have every intention of defending my title, and I know you'll bust your ass - as usual - to defend yours. After all, that's what the fans want. And I intend to give them their money's worth.
PW: So what are you suggesting, then?
CS: I'm suggesting we stop fretting over what's going on right now. I know how concerned you are about Sneaky, but realistically there isn't a whole lot we can do about her at the moment. The best way to beat the Bastardos is in the eyes of the fans. They're the ones I'm here for anyway. Tonight, we've gotta concentrate on those belts. Try our best to hang onto the ones we've got. And definitely go for the tag title.
PW: It's gonna be hard not to worry about Sneaky. And you already know what I think about Nuriko.
CS: I know. But I also know that allegiances can change overnight, and there's not a whole lot we can do about it. Look what Joe did, after all.
PW: Joe... I think we'd both like to take a swing or two at him.
CS: You'll get your shot. I just want to know for sure if you're with me on this. Neither of us is gonna be able to do this individually. Meeko needs us to work together to pull this off.
PW: <Picking up his Sherwood> Yeah, I'm with you on this. Let's kick some ass!
CS: You got it.
This was co-written by PenWing and myself
Last edited by Captain Sammitch; 2005-03-03 3:01 AM.
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notnotnotnotnotnotnotwedge 2500+ posts
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*The tag team champs are in their locker room.*
Cap: First on the card! People are still going to be making beer runs during out match!
Nw: don't worry. People will be talking about this for a long time.
Cap: What makes you think that?
Nw: Come on, it's the first ever Battlewar. Everyone in this match is walking down that ramp with a title belt. We have the tag chsmps, us, on one team, we have the World champion and the Intercuntinental champ on another and the other team has the Hardcore and Eurotrash champs. Not to mention the fact that the two men who'll be fighting for the World title in the main event of Robbiemania will be face to face. There's gonna be a show stopper right off the bat tonight.
Cap: and there's the other thing...
Nw: What?
Cap: Johnny Evil.
Nw: Oh, him.
Cap: Yeah, him. I can't believe you're not taking this more seriously.
Nw: Remember who you're talking to, Cap.
Cap: Yeah, I know. But he's promised to bring an end to our team and to destroy you.
Nw: Yeah, well, I'm not worried. Johnny Evil won't lay a hand on me. He thinks he has it all figured out. The truth of the matter is that there's no figuring me out. It's just not going to happen. No one can predict what I'm going to do next, so no one can stop me. Mental instability can be a powerful tool. And chicks dig it.
*Ariel walks into the locker room.*
Ariel: It's almost time for the match.
Nw: Thanks.
Cap: We'd better get going.
Nw: You go on ahead, we have a little while. The champs enter last, after all.
Cap: Yeah. Please try not to wear him out too much. We do have a match.
Ariel: I'll try, but no promises.
*Cap walks out, shaking his head as the camera fades to black.*
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We return from commercial to see Los Monstros Azules finishing their pre-match workout in the Bond Brigade dressing room.
SP:Estas listo,amigo?
ED:Si,siempre!
SP(slapping El Daga on the back):Bueno!Howlerama es muerte!
The two luchadores stride out of the dressing room,pausing just long enough to spit on a pair of cardboard cutouts of Howler and Highwayman.
SP:Tonight we give Howlerama the worst beating they've ever had.
ED:And then we take care of those putas Joe Mama and King Snarf.
Camera then cuts back to Madman Marcum and Mike "The Mouth" Monroe at ringside.
Estamos El Equipo Mas Grande En El Mundo!
VIVA LOS AZULES!
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Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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The lights dim and the crowd is silenced. Finally, "Bring on the Pain" blasts over the speakers amid cheers and boos. The arena lights up, and every eye watches as Wednesday struts from the back and onto the ring.
He grabs the mic from the announcer's hand, surveys the chattering audience, and says...
Wednesday: SHUT UP!
...and they do
Wednesday: I'm here tonight, to address a rumor. To be honest, it's much more than a rumor. It is a spineless, vicious lie!
Apparently, there are still people out there who think I don't deserve the title of RDCW Hardcore Porn King.
...and the crowd erupts in cheers and boos.
Wednesday: DIDN'T I SAY SHUT UP? Cuz Wednesday ain't afraid to choke an arena full o' bitches.
Now, as I was saying, I thought about it long and hard, and realized I can understand where these rumors are coming from. After all, most people don't have a Doctorate in Pimp-o-lo-gy, so how can I expect any of you to understand how I roll? That's why I organized a little demonstration.
Suddenly, the main lights go out again, but this time the strobe lights begin to flash. The speakers blare "Bring the Pain" as scantily clad women enter in two long lines from the back, prance and promenade down the runway, and begin to fill the ring. One after another, these women in various stages of dress circle the RDCW wrestler.
Carmella
Zdenka
Francine
Anka
Dee
Helen
Melanie
Mariah
Gauge
Zoe
Emy
Lucy
Kinga
Sweet
...the list goes on and on. Redheads, brunettes, blondes, barely legals, busties, petites, and matures. They fill the ring and display their wares for the audience's approval.
Soon, the ring is packed so tightly, Wednesday is lost in the sea.
Wednesday's voice: These are my women. I brought them to the RDCW. And PenPrick dares to challenge me? I'm unstoppable! This is my day!
Oh, and one more thing...
Wednesday emerges, but not from the crowded ring. Once again, he walks into the arena from the back entrance, now with Stareena on one arm and Butterican on the other.
Wednesday [walking]: These are MY divas and with me on their side, they are destined to become the new Lipstick Lesbian Tag Team Champions and prove that I offer nothing but the best. And when No Way Out of the Closet is through, I promise everyone here tonight that I WILL walk out of that ring with that Hardcore Porn Belt around my waist; and on each side of me, these ladies will walk away with their Lipstick Lesbian Championship belt draped over their wonderful titties!
You hear that, RDCW? I AM THE PORN KING!
Wednesday leaves toward the exits, two divas by his side, two hundred women not far behind.
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*As Wednesday disappears from the stage, a loud crack is heard, and every one of Wednesday's girls comes running back down the ramp, screaming.*
Monroe: Bugawd! What could have so many women running in fear?
*A loud crash is heard, followed by another crack. Then another crash. Finally, Wednesday is sent rolling down the ramp.*
Marcum: What the hell just happened!?
*The girls gather around Wednesday, helping him back to his feat, as PenWing walks through the stage entrance, Hardcore Porn Belt on his shoulder, and the remains of a Sherwood in his left hand.*
PenWing: Wednesday! You may be the porn king, but Hardcore you are not! Remember this: You never beat me! You beat Bibbo! When you faced me at the Rumble, you lost! This belt (PenWin taps the belt) is mine! And tonight, when we face each other in that ring over there, I'll let you look at it. Up close, and personal!
*"Rock And Roll Part 2" starts playing, as PenWing tosses the stick down the ramp and leaves Wednesday in the hands of his girls.*
Last edited by PenWing; 2005-03-04 9:39 PM.
<sub>Will Eisner's last work - The Plot: The Secret Story of the Protocols of the Elders of ZionRDCW Profile"Well, as it happens, I wrote the damned SOP," Illescue half snarled, "and as of now, you can bar those jackals from any part of this facility until Hell's a hockey rink! Is that perfectly clear?!" - Dr. Franz Illescue - Honor Harrington: At All Costs"I don't know what I'm do, or how I do, I just do." - Alexander Ovechkin</sub>
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1
living in 1962 15000+ posts
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1 |
*As the girls help Wednesday back up, familiar music begins to play over the Cheesedome speakers. The lights dim as a green glow emanates from the entranceway and fog fills the arena. Monroe: "That's Grimm's music!"  Marcum: "Oh, no, look out Wednesday!" Grimm enters the arena, all in black with a black leather overcoat, black fingerless gloves, and a Punisher skull emblem shirt. His face is painted like a skull as well.
He glances over at Wednesday who is still nursing his head from PenWing's attack earlier and smirks. Bypassing the self-proclaimed Porn King, Grimm walks on down the rampway and climbs into the ring. "Finally, No Way Out of the Closet is here. Finally, I can put an end to the likes of Balls Nasty. Last week on Havoc, the Cheesedome couldn't contain our battle. At the Fear and Loathing tournament, Darth and I destroyed a ring to achieve victory. Tonight, Balls, tonight. . .I will end you once and for all. And when I'm done with your battered and beaten carcass, I'm going to suspend you from the CheeseDome rafters and let the vultures finish the job that prison should've started on you long ago." "You see, Balls, you're already dead. You just haven't realized it yet. Tonight, you will face your destiny. The only future you have. . .is a Grimm future. Abandon all hope." *Grimm hits the crucifix pose as his music starts up again and the Cheesedome flares green.
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*Balls Nasty slides into the ring behind Grimm with a steel chair in hand. He crashes it directly onto Grimm's back. The Monster of RDCW falls to his knees and drops the mic. Balls picks it up. Nasty's ribs are taped from last Havoc's backstage brawl.*
I told you last Tuesday while we were smashing our way through the parking lot, Larry. Never turn your back on me.
Tonight, I'm going to expose you for the myth you are. I'm going to show everyone here that the Monster of the RDCW was nothing but lie concocted by wrestling promoters to scare the newbies into doing what they wanted. "Do as I say, or I'll put you in a match against Grimm." Well, Little Larry, I know the truth. I know that you were a newbie once too, and I'm going to let everyone finally see that you're nothing but cheap tricks and too much hype.
*Darth starts running down the ramp from backstage. Nasty drops the mic and rolls out of the ring with a smile on his face as Darth checks up on his tag partner.*
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Sammitch is backstage alone while PenWing is in the ring confronting Wednesday. He is watching a monitor with the PenWing standing over the fallen Wednesday!
CS:"Way to go champ!"
He suddenly becomes aware that someone is in the room next to him!
He turns to see its Nowhereman!
*audience cheers*
Sammich adopts a defensive pose!
NM:"Calm down kid,if I was gonna hit you,you'd already be unconcious!"
CS:"Well excuse me if I dont trust you!"
NM:"Look kid,I got no love for you,and quite frankly I couldnt give a toss anout that belt you're so proud of,but one thing we have in common is a dislike for The Bastardos!"
CS:"So what are you saying? That you aint gonna bother winning tonights match?"
NM:"Oh,dont get me wrong,I am gonna beat the shit out of you tonight & will more than likely take the belt from you. All I want you to know is when it involves the Bastardos,we're on the same team."
CS:"Ok,thats cool.....I spose!"
NM:"Dont think that means we'll be taking cold showers together!"
NM:"Looks like your pal Penwing has some style!"
NM nods towards the screen.
Sammich turns to look at the screen briefly,and then returns his gaze to Nowhereman,but he is nowhere to be seen!
CS:"How the hell does he do that?"
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Fantastic enters the ring, amid the cheers of the fans and chants of his name. He enters the ring with a microphone and speaks
JF: I really don't know what to say. Later tonight, I will be facing Son of Mxy, a great wrestler from a family of great wrestlers, for the Lightweight Belt. Wow.
The crowd cheers Fantastic
JF: I gotta say thanks to all you guys out there who've been backing me. I'd never have made it here if it wasn't for you. And I've also got to thank Ian and Chris, for backing me up after Louie Bastard turned on me. Also, I'd like to send out a vote of confidence to Nuriko for her match against Grace tonight. You go girl!
Sneaky Bunny, all I can say is this: if you do join Louie your career will go kaput. Look at me! Joined up with the Bastardo's and didn't go anywhere. When I leave things turn around, and here I am now, with a title shot! There's also something else. If you join that bunch of losers, you'll be losing the support of the people who really matter in this business. I'm talking about the people who are sitting in the stands right now: the fans
More pops from the crowd. They are really getting into what Fantastic is saying
JF: Don't let your head get turned by Joe's panting. He's just desperate for some action other than a quick handjob by Grace in the locker rooms.
The crowd laughs at Joe, and Fantastic grins
JF: You guys are the best. Well, what more can I say? Mxy, I'd just like to say good luck tonight. May the best man win.
Marcum: What on earth is Fantastic doing?
Monroe: He's doing the sporting thing! A concept I'm sure you're completely unfamiliar with!
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All Night Long plays over the sound-system, and Tommy walks down the ramp. He is accompanied by Rosalita, who is clad in a sexy nurse's uniform in her usual pink and red colour scheme. Tommy holds the ropes open for Rosalita, then speaks into a microphone
TS: Tonight I will be facing Charlie in a match on behalf of the RDJL. It is my hope that this will signify the true arrival of the team, and myself, in the RDCW.
The crowd cheers
TS: I realise that, compared to my partner, I am not so much of a presence in the ring. On the other hand, I'm less likely to wind up killing myself, so we're even there.
The crowd laughs, and some of then start a chant of TO-MMY!
TS: Thanks for your show of support. Tonight, Charlie better hope that Howler and Highwayman are ready backstage, 'cos if he has any chance of defeating me he's gonna have to rely on his friends in the company!
Cries of HELL YEAH! Rosalita applauds
TS: Thanks Rosie.
Nobody could possibly miss the look that passes between the two. Tommy turns back to the audience, but Rosalita continues to look like a love-struck teenager
TS: Tonight, Charlie, you will face the Surgeon's knife. Do you think you can resist? 'Cos I sure as hell don't think so!
All Night Long kicks in, and Tommy heads backstage, putting his arm around Rosalita's waist
Do you fear The Surgeon's Knife?
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The BattleWar
Monroe: Our first match tonight is the BattleWar for the Tag Team Donkey Lovin' titles!
Marcum: I still don't know what that means OR why Ariel dates that weirdo NotWedge!
First Captain Sammitch and PenWing make their entrance and then Joe Mama and King Snarf. PW goes after KS as soon as he enters the ring; they both tumble over the top rope and start fighting their way up the ramp.
Monroe: It looks like they don't want to wait for the champs!
JM and CS are fighting inside the ring.
Marcum: What are they using wrestling moves for? I want to see a fight!
Monroe: I wonder why the champs haven't come out yet. Wait! I'm getting word of something developing backstage!
The scene shifts to Captain of Outer Space sitting in the driver's seat of the vaguely UFO-like golf cart. He honks the horn impatiently and then Ariel comes running up to him looking quite upset.
Ariel: Cap! Johnny Evil attacked NotWedge in the locker room! He's hurt really bad. He's on his way to the hospital.
CoOS: But the match has already started.
Ariel: What are you going to do?
CoOS looks determined.
CooS: I'm going to defend our titles.
Just then, PW and KS fall through the curtain and start fighting in the hallway.
Ariel: Be careful, Cap. Johnny Evil is still in the building somewhere!
Back in the ring area, JM and CS are fighting with chairs right at the bottom of the ramp. CoOS drives the vaguely UFO-like Golf cart through the curtain at full speed (which, admittedly, isn't all that fast) and nearly runs them over, but they dive out of the way in opposite directions and the cart hits the side of the ring.
PW and Snarf are still fighting as they go out an exterior door.
Marcum: It looks like PenWing wants to send Snarf a message for Robblemania while they're in his kind of match!
Cars screech to a stop with their horns blaring as the fight goes into the street. They get to the other side of the road and go on fighting in the parking lot of a strip mall with a convenience store and video store.
Back in the ring area, CS, CoOS and JM are fighting with anything they can get their hands on. CoOS is about to hit JM from behind with a chair when he's attacked from the side by Johnny Evil.
Monroe: where did he come from?
Marcum it looks like he's ready to deliver on his promise of bringing an end to the Princes of the Universe! Ha! NotWedge didn't even make it to the ring!
CS and JM are too busy fighting each other to see JE hit CoOS with Cradle to Grave and then run up the ramp and out of the arena.
Back outside, PW and KS have gotten closer to the stores. A guy in a backwards baseball cap walks out of the video store over to two other guys. They both have long hair, but one of them is skinny and the other one is fat and has a beard.
Baseball Cap Guy: What's going on here?
Skinny Guy: It's a wrestling match from that stadium they built on the Quicker Stop lot after the fair left town.
Two other guys walk over.
Guy 1: It's so obvious this is fake! No one gets hurt in one of those so-called matches!
Guy 2: Tell 'em Steve-Dave!
KS Irish whips PW right into the two guys.
Baseball Cap Guy: That was mush more ironic than anything in that stupid song.
A customer opens the door and looks out of the video store.
Customer: Can you get back in here? I want to rent Navy SEALS.
Baseball Cap Guy: Shut up! I'll be there in a minute!
KS and PW have climbed up a ladder onto the convenience store's roof. PW is swinging a hockey stick at KS.
Monroe: How did he find a hockey stick on a convenience store roof?
PW uses the hockey stick to crosscheck KS right off the roof and onto a parked car. A guy with a goatee looks out the store's door.
Goatee Guy: Great! A wrestler just landed on my car! I'm not even supposed to be here today!
Inside, CoOS is still knocked out. CS notices this and goes over to pin him. There's a three count and CoOS is eliminated. JM takes the opportunity to attack CS while he's down.
Monroe: It looks like the champs are eliminated!
Outside, PenWing is standing on the edge of the roof with the hockey stick still in his hand. He's about to launch a flying attack, when a siren can be heard. The camera swings around and an ambulance drives into the parking lot. NotWedge gets out wrapped heavily in bandages and limping badly.
Marcum: Looks like you spoke too soon!
Up on the roof, PenWing looks at NW, looks at JM, shrugs and jumps off the roof, the hockey stick breaks as it hits KS.
Marcum: A flying crosscheck off the roof!
PW covers KS and gets the three count. He gets up slowly and faces NW. They both look badly hurt, but they start fighting.
Back inside, JM goes to cover CS, but he kicks out. They fight their way up the ramp.
NW and PW have fought their way back into the stadium they go through the hallways and over to the ring entrance. JM and CS are on the stage and CS has his back to the curtain. NW and PW come through the curtain and PW's back bumps into CS'. They turn as if ready to hit each other, but they stop upon seeing whom they'd bumped into. They both duck as NW and JM try to attack them from behind, then they lurch forward and CS starts fighting NW while PW fights JM. NW gets CS almost to the edge of the stage, and then he kicks him in the gut and picks him up for a reverse monkey death drop. He takes a couple steps forward, jumps off the stage and they both crash through a table. NW drapes an arm over CS and gets a two count but CS gets his arm up just before the three.
PW hits JM from out of nowhere with a Sudden Death onto the hard steel of the stage area and gets a three count. Out side the ring, CS has locked NW into the Sammitch Submission. NW seems determined not to give up as PW climbs off of the stage. CS lets go of NW and PW hands him a martial arts stick while he holds his trusty hockey stick.
Marcum: If this is going to be what I think it is, NotWedge is in big trouble!
NW gets hit with CS' Staff Meeting and PW's BC 2-Hander at the same time and PW covers him for the 3 count.
THE WINNERS AND NEW CHAMPIONS ARE PENWING AND CAPTAIN SAMMITCH
After the match…
PW and CS celebrate their victory and see NW and CoOS trying to stand back up. They go over and help them up and shake their hands.
Monroe: Look at the great sportsmanship from the new champs!
CS and PW leave as NW and CoOS stand in the ring. Their music plays and the crowd cheers.
Marcum: I can't believe they're cheering those losers.
Suddenly, NW hits CoOS from behind with a chair.
Monroe: What the hell?!?
NW lays the chair down and picks up CoOS and drops him on the chair with a Reverse Monkey Death Drop. Then he lays the chair on CoOS' face. Next, he gets on the top rope and hits CoOS with the Cobra Roll.
Monroe: Why is NotWedge doing this?
NW rips off his mask and "I'm # 4” t-shirt, then he picks CoOS back up and gets him in position for a fisherman's suplex. He pauses when CoOS is vertical and drops down for a neckbreaker.
Monroe: He's trying to break his neck with a modified neckbreaker.
Marcum: Are you blind? That wasn't just a modified neckbreaker. That was Cradle to Grave!
Monroe: Why would NotWedge hit the Captain of Outer Space with Johnny Evil's...NO!
NW reaches into his pocket and pulls out Johnny Evil's hood. He drops it onto CoOS and walks out to the crowd's boos.
Monroe: My god! All this time, NotWedge and Johnny Evil have been the same man! Unbelievable!
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Joined: Sep 2003
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300+ posts
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300+ posts
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Nuriko vs. Grace - No Holds Barred
As Poe’s “Not A Virgin” plays over the Cheese Dome speakers, The Crotch (in full referee’s attire and an obvious toupee) walks down the ramp to the ring. He’s patting himself on the back and waving to the confused but laughing fans. He tries to step through the ring ropes but gets tangled up and falls to the mat, knocking his toupee off. The crowd laughs at his distress. Finally he stands up and motions to James White to do the announcements.
Li’l Kim’s solo from “It’s All About The Benjamins (Rock Remix)” starts up as Grace steps out from the back. She’s dressed in a very flattering black, skin-tight workout suit. The Crotch’s eyes practically fall out of his head as he stumbles out of the ring, runs up to Grace, and offers her his arm.
Monroe: It looks like The Crotch wants to be a gentleman and escort the Bastardo Family Tactician to the ring.
Madman: Uhhhhhhhhhhh…
Monroe: And Grace looks ready for this match! What do you think of her chances, Marcum?
Madman: Huhhhhhhhhhhh…
Monroe: Are you drooling on yourself???
Grace gives The Crotch a cold smile, rolls her eyes at him, but places a hand on his shoulder and allows him to lead her to the ring. Although there’s nothing on the ramp to impede him, The Crotch stumbles a bit, almost tripping over himself and taking both of them down. But he quickly recovers and the two make it to the ring without further incident.
Monroe: What a moron. He needs to watch where he's going.
Marcum: Huh? Oh, so that was the extra bounce.
The Crotch helps Grace up the ring steps and holds the ropes for her. She turns her back to him, bends over, and steps into the ring, giving him and members of the crowd a great view of her butt. At this point, The Crotch actually does lose his balance and falls off the apron. This causes the crowd to erupt in laughter again. As he collects himself, "Turning Japanese" blasts over the speakers and Nuriko walks out holding a Sherwood.
Marcum: That psychotic maniac! What does she think she's doing?!?
Seeing Nuriko brandishing an illegal weapon, The Crotch walks up the ramp, yelling at her to drop the stick. Nuriko lunges at him and swings, cracking the Sherwood over him. The Crotch falls to the ground unconscious, leaving Grace alone in the ring as Nuriko runs to it.
Monroe: My God! We really might be saying goodnight to Gracie!
Nuriko slides into the ring, still holding what's left of the Sherwood. Grace tries to run out of the ring, but Nuriko grabs her hair and throws her to the mat. Grace tries to crawl away, but Nuriko grabs her head and begins choking her with the stick.
Marcum: This is fucked up! Somebody has to stop this!
"War Pigs" plays and The Doctor walks to the stage with a mic.
Monroe: It looks like you'll get your wish.
The Doctor: Nuriko! Release Grace right now! Nuriko!
Nuriko releases Grace from the chokehold.
The Doctor: Since you've managed to knock out the ref before the match started, I won't disqualify you. But I guarantee neither one of you will like The Crotch's replacement.
"Scar Tissue" starts playing and Sneaky Bunny, wearing a sleeveless referee shirt and tight black shorts, makes her way to the ring. Both Nuriko and Grace are visibly upset with The Doctor's choice of referee. Sneaky Bunny enters the ring, walks up to Nuriko, and demands that she get rid of the Sherwood or be disqualified. Nuriko shouts a few choice words at Sneaky Bunny, both in English and Japanese, but reluctantly throws the stick out of the ring. Sneaky Bunny gives Grace time to get to her feet, and then signals for the bell.
Marcum: Finally! Sanity has returned. It looks like the new ref might be able to keep control in this match!
Monroe: But how long can Sneaky Bunny keep Nuriko under control? And will she call a fair match???
Grace staggers back as Nuriko advances on her. Nuriko pounces on Grace with a collar and elbow tie-up that she easily turns into a headlock. Grace wriggles out of it, but Nuriko turns it into an Irish whip into the ropes. As Grace ricochets back, she’ is hit across the throat and chest with two vicious karate chops. Grace falls to her back, gasping for air. Nuriko hops up on the top ropes and quickly hits Grace with the Hiroshima Mama. Sneaky Bunny counts a clean three, and then calls for the bell.
Monroe: Nuriko wins an amazing match!
Madman: What’s so amazing about it? Nuriko beat a non-wrestler! Who’s her next match against, a team of Girl Scouts?
Monroe: What’s amazing is that Sneaky Bunny put differences aside and called a clean match! I guess we al know where she stands with the Bastardos!
Madman: Why is that surprising? The Doctor wouldn’t have made her a ref if she weren’t able to call a clean match!
However, before she can raise Nuriko’s hand in victory, Nuriko is out of the ring and grabbing a chair. She slides back into the ring, but is intercepted by Sneaky Bunny. Nuriko screams at her to get out of the way so she can finish the job, but Bunny is demanding that she get rid of the chair, get her hand raised, and leave the ring. Shouting in Japanese, Nuriko shoves the chair into Sneaky Bunny’s hands, who then throws it back at her. Nuriko catches the chair high enough that, when Sneaky Bunny jumps and kicks the chair, it is driven into Nuriko’s face.
Monroe: Oh my GOD! Sneaky Bunny just took out Nuriko!
Madman: Can you blame her? She’s been bringing order to this match since she entered the ring!
Monroe: I don’t blame her at all! She’s doing her job – Nuriko was about to go way too far!!!
Sneaky Bunny pulls the chair off the fallen Nuriko and shouts a few things at her, and then climbs to the top rope and hits Nuriko with a Taxidermy. As the crowd chants her name, Sneaky Bunny leaves the ring and makes her way to the back, leaving Grace and Nuriko unconscious in the ring.
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Posts: 382
300+ posts
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Joined: Sep 2003
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Lightweight Faggot Title: Son of Mxy vs James Fantastic
Son of Mxy managed to win a close fought match over his Lightweight belt tonight, in a match that saw both he and his opponent James Fantastic take to the air on multiple occasions, producing a thrilling match that amazed those who saw it.
Mxy opened the match with a running elbow smash, but the blow shoed little impact on Fantastic as he quickly got to his feet and nailed a textbook dropkick before locking in The Grip. Unfortunately for Fantastic the hold was too close to the ropes, and Mxy was easily able to score a rope break. The Second Generation Superstar then climbed the turnbuckle and dropped Fantastic with a missile dropkick.
From here the match started to see more and more aerial maneuvers, and Fantastic started to dominate, scoring a Fabacanrana before his manager Ian St. Bond entered the ring to hand him a British Flag. Fantastic took one look at the flag and then set it down over the turnbuckle.
Marcum: What on earth is Fantastic thinking?!? That flag could win him the match!
Monroe: He's refusing to use it! No breaking the rules for this guy!
Fantastic then climbed the turnbuckle and went for a One and Only, but Son of Mxy crawled out from under him and Fantastic crashed onto the mat, knocking the wind out of him. Mxy then grabbed the flagpole and attacked Fantastic with it.
Marcum: I told you Fantastic should've used that thing!
Fantastic struggled to his feet, but an attempted clotheslines merely led to Son of Mxy grabbing him and locking him in a Mxyplex to score a pin and victory
Flag Match: Rue De Nocturne vs Dave
The Frenchman versus the Aussie ended as quickly as it began, when Dave used his flag as a weapon to bludgeon his opponent into unconsciousness. A quick pin later, Dave was carrying Rue De Nocturne to his date with the Men’s Room, and all the fecal surprises that Dave had in store for him.
Howlerama vs Los Monstros Azules
This hard-fought battle was a crowd-pleaser. Both teams battled cleanly and without interference from their managers. Finally, after several minutes of back-and-forth wrestling, Howlerama took the win with the Hostile Takeover. However, after the match, as “Slick Willie” Williams and his team left the ring area, both Luchadores were attacked by a seven-foot-tall man in a dark grey, custom-tailored suit and a blue-black wrestling mask. After choke-slamming both Monstros Azules, the man said “Greetings from Senor Bastardo.”
Monroe: Who is this psychopath???
Madman: Don’t you know, Monroe? That’s the giant Luchador, El Superbeasto! He’s the longtime foe of Los Monstros Azules back in Mexico! If he’s on the Bastardo Family’s payroll, then I fear for this tag team and any of their allies!!!
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 382
300+ posts
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Lipstick Lesbian Tag Team Title Match: Midwest Hotties vs The Divas
Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ “Bang!” plays as the Divas make their way, arm-in-arm with Wednesday, to the ring. Once at ringside, Wednesday widens the ropes to allow the ladies to enter the ring without any trouble. The crowd appreciates the view that the Divas gave Wednesday and the fans of their natural assets.
Monroe: It looks like the challengers are ready for this match! Who’s your pick, Marcum?
Madman: Uhhhhhhhh…wha…? I mean we’re all winners in this match! Four of the RDCW’s hottest lady wrestlers in one ring? I love it!!!
“Bang!” fades and “Strike It Up” plays. The Midwest Hotties walk out with PenWing. They stand at the top of the ramp for a moment and hold up their title belts to the cheers and chants of the crowd, and then make their way to the ring. PenWing enters the ring first, holding the ropes open as the Hotties enter to the same amount of cheers from the crowd,
Monroe: It looks like the Champions are on the same page, Marcum. But what about the Bastardos? Will they make their presence felt in this match?
Madman: I’m sorry, were you saying something? Damn, that Sneaky Bunny is hot!
Monroe: Meeko is a beautiful woman as well, Marcum.
Madman: Don’t let PenWing or Captain Sammitch hear that, Monroe! They’re a little…protective of their meal ticket!
The ref takes the titles, motions for the bell as he hands them to the timekeeper, and the match begins.
Stareena moves to the apron, allowing ButterRican to start the match for the Divas. Meanwhile, Sneaky Bunny and Meeko seem to argue over who should start. Finally, Sneaky Bunny (reluctantly) steps onto the apron and Meeko moves towards ButterRican. The pair start in a collar and elbow tie up that Meeko turns into a fireman’s carry for a quick two-count. Meeko presses her advantage with some fast-paced mat wrestling that gets her a few more two-counts. ButterRican finally gets some distance between herself and Meeko and stands.
Monroe: Some great Greco-Roman mat wrestling from the Women’s Titleholder, Marcum!
Madman: Why’d you mention the single’s title? Why not the Tag Champion? That’s what this match is for!
ButterRican points to Sneaky Bunny and shouts to Meeko about “wanting a rematch”. Meeko motions to her opponent to fight. ButterRican points to Sneaky Bunny again. Meeko walks to her corner and tags her partner in. The crowd cheers as Sneaky Bunny enters the match, running at ButterRican and changing the style to pure brawl. The competitors exchange chops and punches in the center of the ring before ButterRican drives a knee into Sneaky Bunny’s gut, knocking the wind out of her. ButterRican tags in Stareena and then Irish whips Sneaky Bunny into the ropes. Sneaky Bunny bounces off the ropes and into another knees by ButterRican, which sets her up for a DDT from Stareena.
ButterRican leaves the ring. Stareena locks Sneaky Bunny in a bear hug, putting extra pressure on her ribs and back. Sneaky Bunny thrashes in her grip, trying to escape, and settles on poking Stareena in the eyes, forcing her to break the hold. Sneaky Bunny tries to get to her corner and tag Meeko in, but ButterRican runs in the ring and drags her back to the Divas’ corner where they proceed to double-team her as the ref counts.
Marcum: Why isn’t Meeko getting involved?!? They’re killing Sneaky Bunny!!!
Monroe: She’s obeying the rules and letting the ref do his job. That’s how real Champions act!
Marcum: I think she’s trying to punish Sneaky Bunny for even considering the Bastardo Family’s offer!
Monroe: Stop causing trouble, Marcum! You would think that!
As the ref gets to “four” the Divas stop the double-team. Stareena pulls Sneaky Bunny from the corner and is about to lock in another bear hug, but Sneaky Bunny reverses it into a belly-to-belly suplex. Sneaky Bunny quickly gets up, runs to the ropes, and executes a running leg drop on Stareena. She goes for the pin, but Stareena kicks out at “two”. Sneaky Bunny gets to her corner and tags in Meeko. Stareena gets to her feet and moves to her corner for a tag, but is the victim of a Bulldog by Meeko. Stareena thrashes and fights to get to her corner as Meeko drags her to the center of the ring where she gives the cheering crowd a suplex clinic. Stareena is the victim of German Meeko-plexes, T-Bone Meeko-Plexes, and Fisherman Meeko-plexes (just to name a few). Meeko finally ends the abuse and, leaving Stareena prone on the mat, moves to her corner to tag in Sneaky Bunny.
Monroe: I think this is it! Meeko’s just laid waste to Stareena and it’s Sneaky Bunny’s time to hit the Taxidermy and win this match! The Hotties are keeping the titles!
Madman: Waitaminit! What’s ButterRican doing?
As Meeko goes for the tag, and Sneaky Bunny leans in to make it, Butter Rican runs across the ring and nails Meeko on the back of the head. Meeko falls forward and it looks like her face hits the top turnbuckle, but Sneaky Bunny – still leaning forward as the collision happens – falls off the ring and to the floor. She hits and lies still.
Madman: Ooooooooooohhh!!! That had to hurt!
Monroe: Meeko and Sneaky Bunny just knocked heads! Sneaky Bunny is on the ring floor unconscious and Meeko’s not much better! It looked like Meeko’s head hit the corner, but…
Madman: What do you mean, “It looked like Meeko hit the corner”?!? Of COURSE they cracked skulls! And Sneaky Bunny also fell and hit the floor! She’s unconscious… somebody call the EMTs!!!
PenWing rushes to Sneaky Bunny to see if she’s all right. But she doesn’t respond when he calls her name. EMTs rush out with first aid kits and a stretcher. Meanwhile, in the ring, Meeko is slumped in the ring corner, barely conscious. ButterRican, who dragged Stareena to the ring corner to make a legal tag, pulls Meeko out of the corner and delivers a few of her own suplexes. As ButterRican unleashes her Latina Fury, Meeko tries to fight back while shaking off the cobwebs. But she is quickly overcome by ButterRican’s savage assault. Sneaky Bunny is strapped to the stretcher and gets carried out of the arena…
Monroe: Meeko can’t defend herself! She can barely stand! The ref should call this match for Meeko’s safety and to Hell with the belts!
Madman: For once I agree with you, Mike. Poor Sneaky Bunny! How will the Bastardos react to this turn of events? How will PenWing and Captain Sammitch react? This is awful!
ButterRican tags in Stareena and the pair lock Meeko into the Three-Way, but Meeko just lies limp without tapping out. The ref checks her arm, and then calls for the bell. He awards the Divas with the Lipstick Lesbian Tag Titles and raises their arms. PenWing rushes to Meeko’s side. As Wednesday and the Divas leave the ring, Wednesday tells PenWing to “expect the same treatment at our match, sucka!!!” Then another group of EMTs arrive for Meeko and, soon, she’s carried out as well.
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Posts: 382
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Posts: 382 |
Technician vs Brawler: Tommy Savitz vs Charlie
Tommy was first into the ring, accompanied once again by Rosalita in her nurse's uniform. However the pair had only just got into the ring when 'Wild Boys' played, and Charlie came charging down to the ring, followed by Bill Williams. Getting into the ring, Charlie ignored Tommy completely, instead going for Rosalita with a Lou Thesz Press before nailing a Big Business on her. Unfortunately, this proved to be the wrong move, as an enraged Tommy instantly went for Charlie, scoring repeated Anaesthetists. He then locked Charlie in an Amputation, and Rosalita crawled out of the ring.
Bill Williams, seeing a chance to distract Tommy, went for Rosie with his baseball bat, and true to form Savitz broke his hold on Charlie and came to her aid, savagely pummeling Williams before body-slamming him through the Spanish announcer's table
Marcum: This is totally fucked up! What has Williams done to make Savitz to go so wild on him?
Monroe: Are you crazy? That redneck was attacking a woman!
Marcum: That was different! Williams was just trying to help his wrestler!
Savitz then clambered back into the ring, and was hit almost instantly by a running neckbreaker from Charlie. Tommy's rage managed to keep him going, though, and he weathered Charlie's furious assault before locking in the Surgeon's Knife. Charlie held out for what seemed like ages, but even his toughness eventually gave out, and he tapped out to the hold, allowing Savitz to claim the victory.
Hardcore Porn Championship: PenWing vs. Wednesday
"Rock and Roll Part 2" plays over the speakers but PenWing doesn't walk out.
Monroe: That's odd. You don't think PenWing forgot about his match, do you?
Marcum: He probably chickened out!
A loud crash is heard, followed by a crack. Then another crash, and another crack. PenWing comes rolling down the ramp.
Monroe: Bugawd! What just happened?
As PenWing collects himself half way down the ramp, Wednesday comes running down with one of PenWing's Sherwoods. As PenWing gets to his feet, Wednesday nails him with a BC Two-hander, breaking the stick.
Marcum: Wednesday is showing why he is the king of hardcore porn!
Wednesday grabs PenWing and helps him to his feet. He then walks him over to the ring and throws him into the post. PenWing grabs his shoulder in pain. He slowly crawls over to the security wall, and starts to get back to his feet, but Wednesday slams his head onto the top of the border.
Marcum: First blood! This is going to be a short match!
Wednesday goes to get a chair, and PenWing crawls over to the ring. Wednesday walks towards PenWing with the chair. As he raises it over his head to strike, PenWing pulls a Sherwood out from under the ring and jabs Wednesday in the stomach.
Monroe: What a spear!
Wednesday drops the chair behind him and steps back, bent over in pain. PenWing finally has the time he needs to get to his feet, and with Wednesday still hurting from the spear, PenWing delivers a BC Two-hander of his own. Wednesday falls to the ground. PenWing walks around the corner, and pulls a table out from under the ring. He sets it up just outside the ring. Wednesday has already gotten back to his feet, and with a chair in his hands, he make a run at PenWing. PenWing sidesteps Wednesday and manages to avoid the chair shot, instead delivering a Spin-o-rama, which sends Wednesday back to the ground. PenWing lifts Wednesday up and places him on the table.
Monroe: It's all over now!
PenWing climbs the corner ropes, but before he can get to the top the Legbreakers For Hire run down the ramp. PenWing jumps down, into the ring, and waits for their attack. Entering on opposite sides of the ring, both Legbreakers For Hire run at PenWing, but he runs to the ropes and springs himself back at them with a double clothesline. Winged Creature gets up first, and he manages to get a hold of PenWing and whip him into a corner. Stupid Dogg then traps him and dishes out Rabies as Creature slides Wednesday into the ring. Creature then picks up the table and awkwardly tosses it into the ring. Wednesday starts getting back to his feet as Creature sets up the table in the middle of the ring. Creature doesn't notice as Wednesday walks over to Dogg and grabs him from behind for a neckbreaker. As Wednesday rolls Dogg out of the ring, Creature moves towards Wednesday. PenWing, having a few seconds to collect himself, launches at Creature with a spear, and then gets up and rolls him out of the ring to join his partner. When PenWing gets up, he turns around right into a superkick.
Marcum: See You Next Tuesday!
Wednesday places PenWing on the table and walks over to the ropes. He climbs up and executes a perfect moonsault, landing on PenWing and sending both of them through the table. The ref counts to three and the match is over. The new Lipstick Lesbian Tag Team Champion Divas run out with the discarded Hardcore Porn belt and help Wednesday back to his feet as "Bring the Pain" plays over the speaker.
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Balls Nasty vs Grimm
Balls Nasty entered the ring first, confident and swaggering. Pushing around James White and taking the mic, Nasty spoke: "Let's finish it Little Larry. I've got a hot date later tonight after I'm done with you."
The CheeseDome lights lowered and flared green as mist poured from the back and Grimm entered the arena. Stopping at the edge of the ramp way, Grimm turned his head upwards and spewed green mist into the air. Looking at Nasty, he slowly pulled his thumb across his throat.
As Grimm rushed into the ring, Nasty immediately began kicking at him with his pointed toe cowboy boots. Realizing he would not be able to stop this, Lothar ordered the bell to ring and the match to start. Nasty tried to pull off Grimm's overcoat and pull it over his head, blinding him.
Wrapping Grimm's head in a vise, Nasty punched away at his foe under the leather jacket. Grimm shoved him off and into the ropes, attempting to pull himself out of the jacket. Nasty rebounded with a clothesline, sending the Dark Lord to the mat.
Nasty stopped to showboat for the jeering crowd as Grimm worked his way out of the jacket. Standing up behind his foe, Grimm tapped him on the shoulder. As Nasty turned, Grimm wrapped the jacket around Nasty's throat, choking him with it!
Marcum: That's illegal! Ref!
Monroe: No more illegal than hitting someone with a steel chair!
Lothar immediately began counting at Grimm, as he choked Nasty down to the mat with the jacket. At the count of four, Grimm released the hold and tossed the jacket out to ringside.
As Nasty pulled himself back up to his knees, Grimm bounced off the ropes and ran at his opponent, delivering a Crapping Wizard kick to Nasty's head!
Grimm paused for a moment to acknowledge the cheering fans and delivered a crucifix pose. Pointing to the turnbuckles, Grimm picked up his foe and began heading over as the crowd went wild in anticipation of a Triple 6 Bomb!
As Grimm prepared to set his foe up, Balls hit him with a low blow, dropping Grimm down. Balls climbed up to the top rope and delivered a Kentucky Falls kneedrop directly onto Grimm's head!
Monroe: He's busted Grimm open! Again!
Marcum: Grimm better be on a first name basis with the doctors at the local hospital! He's gonna be spending a lot of time there after this match!
It was at this point in the match that Balls Nasty began removing the turnbuckle pads in the corner. Senior official Lothar attempted to halt Nasty's activity, but Nasty shoved him away. Again, Lothar attempted to stop Balls Nasty removing the turnbuckle pad, and again Nasty shoved Lothar away. Lothar warned Nasty a final time, and Nasty turned, grabbed Lothar, and delivered a brutal Tavernsmasher to the referee!
More officials ran to ringside, as Poverty Lad ordered the bell to be rung and Balls Nasty to be disqualified!
Removing the turnbuckle pad, Nasty walked over and picked up Grimm, whipping him into the ropes, Nasty caught him in a drop toehold, tripping him face first into the exposed turnbuckle!
The bell rang repeatedly, as Nasty grabbed Grimm's face and tore at the exposed wound, as referees and security attempted to pull him off of the Dark Lord. Finally, Nasty seemed satisfied with his work and released his foe.
Walking back up the ramp way, Nasty posed and laughed, mocking his foe and ordering his music to be played. To his shock and horror, however, it was not "Bad Company" that came over the loudspeakers. It was "Return of the Living Dead!"
As his theme music played, Grimm slowly sat up in the ring, turning to stare down the ramp way with an evil glare! Blood and face paint streaming down his face, he looked at Nasty and said, "Is that all you've got?"
Nasty's jaw dropped in horror, as he saw Grimm stand up and began walking out of the ring and down the ramp way.
Monroe: He's afraid! He's afraid of Grimm! He has been all the time!
Marcum: He's not afraid! He just wasn't expecting Grimm to actually want Balls Nasty to permanently injure him!
After a moment, Balls began smirking again, as he walked backwards into the backstage area to escape his foe. Slowly, Grimm stalked backstage in further search of his prey.
Eurotrash Championship Match: Captain Sammitch vs Nowhereman
Captain Sammitch held his own and fought admirably, but Nowhereman’s size, strength, and experience advantages were the deciding factors in this title match. Nowhereman held his own against a barrage of the Champion’s martial arts and high-flying style, waiting fro the moment where he’d get to use his Poof Smashers. Four of those finishers later, Nowhereman was the Eurotrash Champion.
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300+ posts
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 374 |
The Bastardo Elimination Chamber
Chris Oakley vs. The Bastardo Family
*As we return to ringside, the imposing edifice called "the Bastardo Elimination Chamber" sits upon the RDCW ring. Six metal cages sit within the monstrous creation. Within three of the cages, we see by turn, IC Champion Joe Mama, World Heavyweight Cheese Champion King Snarf (sitting on a chair and thumbing through a Highlights magazine, chuckling over the adventures of Goofus and Gallant), and Louie Bastardo. The other three cages are covered in black dropcloth, their occupants a mystery.
Monroe: "What's with the mystery contestants? This match was supposed to be Oakley vs. the Bastardos!"
Marcum: "It is Oakley vs. the Bastardos! Obviously, Louie's signed some new talent, like that Giant Luchadore! Too bad for Chris Oakley! He signed on to face "The Bastardo Family" in this match! That means they can enter as many family members as they want! I've been telling you for months, Louie Bastardo is a genius! When are you gonna wake up, Monroe?"
Monroe: "It's not right! They should have the guts to compete one on one! They kicked Oakley out of their little club and now they can't even face him in a fair fight!"
"Rooster" begins to play as a visibly trembling with rage Chris Oakley enters the arena, a much calmer Ian Bond at his side. Oakley turns to Ian and motions for something, as Ian hands him a wooden baseball bat, wrapped up in tape. Several RDCW officials lead Oakley into the massive BEC as the bell rings and the match begins.
Oakley walks past the "mystery" cages, attempting to rattle the occupants with his bat, but gets no response from the insides. Walking over to the other side of the ring, Oakley smacks away at Louie Bastardo's cell repeatedly with the bat as Louie instinctively ducks away from the blows, even though they can't reach him.
The timer sounds for the first cage to open, and the dropcloth falls away from one of the mystery cages to reveal. . .The Legbrakererses 4 Hire! Stupid Dogg and Winged Creature leap from their cage in unison as Oakley charges them with his baseball bat, blasting them in the gut and across the back with it. Oakley hits both Legbreakererses with Red Alerts and lays them on atop the other for a double pin as the official counts three.
Snarf: "Oh, that Goofus, he slays me!"
Monroe: "What is he doing? He needs to concentrate on the match!"
Marcum: "I don't think Snarf will even have to wrestle in this match. The new Bastardo Family members will take care of Chris Oakley before Snarf even has to compete!"
The timer sounds again as Ben Harper's "Faded" begins to play and Joe Mama rubs his hands together gleefully. As the cage begins to unlock, Oakley reaches into his pockets and pulls out Ian Bond's Union Jack decorated brass knuckles.
Joe Mama steps out of the cage and directly into a flurry of Oakley's brass knuckle covered fists! "I've been waiting a whole damn month to do this to you!" Oakley screams as he wails away at the man who defeated him for the IC title.
As Oakley slugs away at him, JM reaches over and grabs Oakley's discarded baseball bat, clubbing him in the side with it, and rolling him off onto the mat. JM motions to Ian Bond on the outside, saying "You're next!" as he sets Oakley up for an Enforcer! Nailing the spinebuster, JM begins to set up Oakley for an East Coast Hammer, but drops him to begin jawing with Ian Bond, who's climbed up onto the BEC. So intent on Bond is JM, that he doesn't see Bond toss Oakley something inside the cage.
Monroe: "What is that?!"
Marcum: "It's a choke chain! Look out, Joe Mama!"
Oakley sneaks up behind the IC Champ and wraps the chain around his neck, bringing him down to the canvas. As JM struggles for air, his face begins turning red as Oakley digs his knees into JM's back while pulling harder on the chain.
Marcum: "He's trying to kill Joe Mama! That ain't right!"
Monroe: "After what Joe Mama and Louie Bastardo did to him, do you blame him?"
As the timer begins to countdown again, Oakley releases the choke hold, pocketing the chain and setting JM up for a Lock and Load! Oakley goes for the pin as the timer sounds again, and the dropcloth from the second mystery cage falls away to reveal. . .
Marcum: "Is that. . ."
Monroe: "We. . .we thought she was in the hospital!"
Marcum: "I told you Louie was a genius!
Sneaky Bunny!
Oakley looks up at Sneaky as she glares down at while he's pinning JM. Bunny kicks Oakley in the face, knocking him off of JM, and into position for a Taxidermy!
Monroe: "OH MY GOB!"
Snarf: "Ah, Gallant, you remind me of me. So wise and sensible in your ways."
Monroe: "Who put a microphone in his cage?"
Fat Retard: "POWERBOMB!"
Monroe: "Oh lord. . ."
As Bunny and Joe Mama get to their feet, they walk over to one another and embrace each other, falling to the mat in the throes of passion.
Monroe: "This is sick!"
LLarry LLawller: "I agree! Kissing girls! Yuck!"
Monroe: "They planned this all along! And you approve of this? This isn't sportsmanship!"
Marcum: "Hey, it's smart business! If Oakley can't figure that out, it's not my fault!"
Oakley reaches his feet and grabs Joe and Sneaky by the hair, separating them, before slamming their heads back together!
Marcum: "Chris Oakley just hit a lady! That's fucked up!"
Monroe: "She's no lady! Not after what she's done tonight!"
Bunny falls the mat as Joe holds his head. Oakley raises his still brass knuckle covered fist into the air as the fans cheer wildly. He nails JM with a right cross and hits him with a WMD, pinning him and eliminating him. Quickly crawling over to Sneaky Bunny, he pins her, as well.
In his cage, Louie Bastardo begins to look nervous as sweat pours down his forehead, Oakley has already defeated JM and bested his first two BEC surprise entries. The timer ends again, as Everclear's "When It All Goes Wrong Again" starts up and King Snarf looks up from his Highlights magazine, visibly annoyed.
As Oakley attempts to pull himself to his feet, Snarf rushes out of the cage, rolling up his Highlights mag and attempting to snuff it down Oakley's throat! "Do you know why I can't stand you?!" He screams at his former teammate. "It's because you're Goofus and I'm Gallant! You always screw up and I always do right!" Snarf whips Oakley into the ropes and hits an enzuguiri! Snarf goes up for a Wildsault, but Oakley lifts his knees and blocks it!
Oakley pulls the tattered Highlights mag out of his mouth, and moves in the RDCW World Champ. Oakley picks Snarf up and smashes him in the face with the knucks. "Do you know why I hate you, "Champ?" Oakley mockingly asks. "It's because YOU SCREWED ME OVER!!!!!" Oakley screams loud enough for the fans in the CheeseDome bleachers to hear.
Oakley hits Snarf with a Kill 'Em All and goes for a pin and Louie Bastardo is really starting to look worried now. The timer buzzes again, just before the ref hits three as Snarf lifts his shoulder up.
The dropcloth falls away from the last mystery cage to reveal. . .
Monroe: "Oh my Gob. . .that's. . .that's. . .Notwedge!"
Marcum: "You mean Johnny Evil! Just how brilliant is Louie Bastardo?"
Johnny Evil gleefully enters the match and immediately dropkicks Oakley directly in the face! JE picks up Oakley and delivers a Cradle to the Grave on him, putting him down and pinning him to end the match!
Outside the ring, Ian Bond demands that the cage be lifted so that he can see to his protege. As JE and Snarf take the keys from the referee and unlock Louie's cage, the three mock Bond and begin working over Oakley again.
Bond signals to the back for the rest of his Brigade to come down, but before they can make it, El Superbeasto the Giant Luchadore arrives and chokeslams Bond on the ground outside the ring! Los Monstrous Azules run out from the back, still injured from earlier and begin attacking the Giant!
He punches away at both of them, as the in ring beatdown continues! James Fantastic makes his way down to the ring, but is blindsided from behind by Joe Mama and the Legbreakererses!
Two-Ton Tommy attacks JM as Nuriko demands for the cage to be lifted, but she's jumped by Grace and Sneaky Bunny!
Monroe: "This is carnage! It's sick! It's gang warfare!"
Marcum: "It's great! I love it when a plan comes together!"
Monroe: "Fans, we're out of time! We'll see you at Havoc!"
*Show ends with the massive brawl still going on.
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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