RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The RKMBs Court: Non vs. the RKMBs

Bailiff: "All rise. The RKMBs Court is now in session, the right dishonorable Judge Grimm presiding."

Thank you, Bull. I call this case to order. Mr. Harvey Krypton, Mr. PJP, you may prepare your opening statements for the courtroom.

Damn bailiff got mah name wrong!

Your honor.....members of the jury......and members of the academy.....I would like to start by saying that the charges levied against my clients bsams and mxy have no merit and in the end will be proven beyond all reasonable doubt to be false....this is an attack on the character of two of the finest posters here at this community.....pillars of society if you will.

My clients simply were victims of circumstance. Bsams and mxy harmlessly went into a thread created by the maliscious princess. When they got there they witnessed acts so heinous and greivous they tried desperately to contact Drzsmith. Drzsmith was out of country at the time hunting big game and was unavailable for counsel......now bsams and mxy are super moderators and we all know that super moderators are the real law around here......not the administrator who will remain nameless at thisrob timekamphausen. The administrator for weeks has allowed a lawlessness so despicable to take over this community that many famed posters have since left or been chased away....a travesty of course *snicker*......So with lawlessness rampant and the princess not heeding the simple requests and warnings of not one but Two super moderators the defendants felt drastic action was necessary and proceeded to Plan Alpha Omega.....which is of course the plan where they try to run someone off the boards for the sake of the community.....

Community....I want the jury to take a second and think about that word....community.....a community has many different faces and meanings.....but here community meant peace and harmony....witty banter amongst friends and a meeting place for colleaugues.........................the princess tried to take that away and the defendants tried to stop her....that is all.

Mr. Krypton, your rebuttal?

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

Steve walks warily down the street,
With the brim pulled way down low
Ain’t no sound but the sound of his feet,
Machine guns ready to go
Are you ready, are you ready for this
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I’m gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust

How do you think I’m going to get along,
Without you, when you’re gone
You took me for everything that I had,
And kicked me out on my own

Are you happy, are you satisfied
How long can you stand the heat
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat

Chorus

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him
You can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him
When he’s down
But I’m ready, yes I’m ready for you
I’m standing on my own two feet
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
Repeating the sound of the beat

I just want to add......that I'm not an attorney......but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

If it please the court, I'd like to ask for a brief recess as my client NON has decided to still be a bitch and hide behind his/her alt.

*fart*

Terrance, now YOU just farted in court!

I sure did, Phillip!

The princess dressed ever so confidentaly in an impecible beautiful, bright, blue suit with matching dangling earrings whispers to her co-counsel, "I think we're ready to move forward." Little did the people in question realize they were dealing with a brilliant legal mind.

Before Krypton can continue the words out of his mouth, the princess arises, "If it please the court we have come to an agreement that we should continue." Pacing around the room glaring at the defendants she begins, "The accused would like you to think they were "pillars of the community" and "victims of circumstance" when they are not even close! Both Mxy and Bsams are noted for their unsavory degradation, immorality, and wickedness of the worst kind. They are not even capable of any godly, noble act of any kind as further witnesses later on shall testify.

As for the thread related to the princess in question...", she stops and folds her arms against her chest, "it all began innocently enough with a teacher proud of her student's achievements posting a thread on the rkbm's, but the defendants" (glaring ever so evily at bsams and mxy) "managed to pervert that even which was innocent by twising my words around and by making shameless, untrue allegations regarding my character. In fact..", pausing again and holding up evidence marked exhibit #1, "they even threatened to consort with the administrator of my school and have me disbarred from ever teaching again. I will later call witness after witness to attest to my character, integrity, and honesty. Then you will see who really should be at fault."

Pacing back towards the jury and the judge, she waves her hand around nonchelantly, "As for this notion of so called forwarnings by 'two super moderators' it will come to light that they never have even been endowed with such a title by Rob, G-Man, or Wednesday. In fact, the accused are so twisted the only power they possess in the real world is that over their own wicked imagination. Not happy with their boring, monotical lives, they decided one day to viciously attack me-an outstanding member of the community noted for my work with the homeless, junior high church choir, and elementary schools.

In conclusion, the only question you have to ask yourselves is why the accused would decide to turn an innocent, sweet thread," she stops and passes it towards the jury, "into a vicious attack on my character."

Walking back towards her chair she turns and tells the jury, "My co-counsel and I shall prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the accused have such horrendous problems they should be banned from the boards and from all interactions in real life altogether. Only years of treatment in a state asylum can help restore these two posters back to any kind of sane lifestyle."

Tossing her dark, brown hair over her shoulder she sits confidentaly back down as the jury applauds her opening statement. Leaning over towards the defendants, she whispers to Pjp, "Care for a plea bargain?" :P

Ladies and Gentleman.....a person who represents themselves......has a fool for a client.

"Your honor, I have in my hands proof that PJP is not even a licensed attorney and has no business defending the accused. His only claim to life is his supposed poetic ability which even you may come to question when you read it."

Sitting triumphantly down in her chair she tips her head and waits for the outcome.

I may not be an attorney......but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

As did I your honor but I don't see what this has to do with the case at hand.

As PJP's assistant and loyal confidant.....I recomend we treat the Princeess as a hostile witness...........and by hostile I mean handcuffs, whips, chains and a penis in every orafice.

Oh plus I'd like to say that Wednesday's the coolest guy in the world!

And then she turned around and killed every black person in the jury with her mind.

"As you can see by his behavior your honor, I suggest that the attorney's assistant be handcuffed and taken out of the courtroom for his atrocious suggestions. And that MXY be silenced. This is a courtroom after all."

Covered in blood from the exploding heads of the black jurors, the rest of the people in the courtroom watch silently as PrincessElisa uses her mental powers to levitate in the center of the room and bark orders to them.

"And you will bring me all sponges in the building!" she continues. "I know they're here... I can feel them! Bring them to me or perish!"

In that moment, PJP farts from the excitement, a sound that resonates through the entire courtroom. Elisa's red eyes focus on him.

"SILENCE!" she yells, and PJP's heart stops beating. He falls dead on Reax's lap.

"PJP?" Reax asks, shaking his friend and soulmate. "P-Peter...?" No response. Tears flowing from his eyes, Reax looks up at Elisa. "YOU BASTARD! WHY DID YOU TAKE HIM?! WHY NOT ME? GO ON, KILL ME NOW! I DON'T CARE! YOU'VE ALREADY TAKEN MY ONLY REASON TO LIVE! KILL ME NOW... OR I SWEAR I'LL DEDICATE THE REST OF MY LIFE TO DESTROY YOU!"

Elisa's only reaction is a long evil laughter, as Reax breaks down on tears and embraces the corpse of his lover.

"Bring me the sponges now," Elisa demands, turning serious again. "Bring all of them here..."

The court watches in horror as Mxy tears himself to pieces muttering to himself. Standing Elisa brushes herself off and states the obvious, "Clearly your honor Mxy is suffering from paranoid delusions and as such should be taken from the courtroom for immediate psychaitric observation."

Glancing across to PJP she whispers, "So...wanna do lunch?"

Oh sure, what a big help Geico was when I ran over a milk bottle and punctured my tire. It isn't MY fault I couldn't see it; the stupid man had it behind his back!

I'm really going to miss reax.

Me to.

I am a Klingon!

Is this about me?

I don't have any alternate IDs.

We took it apon ourselves to legally rename you Whiny Cunt.

Please change your screen name accordingly.

Upon which the great, Elisa replies to the courtroom, "Hey I object to naming Nony derogatory terms! We must refer to him using his legal name."

Since the courtroom was chaotic anyways, the princess turns behind her and whispers to the attractive, good looking question poster,"Wish I could but Snarfs already claimed lunch with me afterwards. Then I gotta call Klint. How bout Friday :P".

Sneaking a look at her co-counsel, the brunette realizes that it looks like the accused are going for a plea bargain and settles down ever so comfortably in her wooden chair.

Order! Order! Settle down! There will be plenty of time for shenanigans and tomfoolery shortly.

Call your first witness to the stand!

To which Elisa glances at PJP wondering if he is still allowed to make an opening statement or if he is going to excuse himself as attorney and suggest alternate counsel.

PJP then turns to Elisa and exposes his penis to her.........she faints since she's never seen man-meat 10 inches long before.

Mister PJP! You will not expose yourself in this courtroom unless you are planning to enter yourself as evidence in the case! In which case, all members of the jury must be allowed to examine your. . .self.

Quote:

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Grimm said:
Call your first witness to the stand!

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I think you've all just invented a new forum.

Who wants a cookie?