Why it works:The Players
James Earl Jones croaking, "Contemplate this... on the Tree of Woe" and spouting nihilistic philosophy to back up his own evil ways. Plus he turns into a snake. There was no one better to play Thulsa Doom.
Max Von Sydow at his melodramatic best. He manages to fill the screen and exude presence without ever leaving his seat. Plus his voice fills the theater speakers with authority. A worthwhile king.
Arnold, Gerry Lopez and Sandahl Bergman as the thieving, herioc trio. And not a one of them could act. In fact, this was the first starring gig for two of them and Arnold wasn't a household name yet.
Still, John Milius puts their bodies and not their voices to work. Subotai (Lopez) is terrific at conveying his few emotions. His look of disgust at Valeria (Bergman) when she gives him commands, says a lot more than he could. His boyish grin when the trio come across the orgy feast is priceless. And you really can't imagine anyone else saying, "Dinner for wolves."
Bergman only works cause she looks the part. And just about everything about her is hoaky. But this is Swords and Sorcery. She's supposed to be hoaky. And she carries her own weight. Arnold's few chances at dialogue are stilted and uncomfortable, but understandable when you consider that Conan was raised as a slave and treated as an animal.
The Film
Here your new favorite movie gets a little uneven. While some shots are sweeping and epic others seem a tad mundane for a Conan film. Still, this is twenty years before Lord of the Rings and the world of Conan is not nearly as optimistic as Tolkien's.
There are entire, pivotal scenes lacking dialogue. And this works for two reasons: 1) keeps Arnold from speaking and 2) allows Basil Poledouris' score to do its thing. The music alone is worth the price of admission. It's about as perfect as a film score can be.
There's no crappy subplot. The viewer floats along watching Conan unleash his hunger for revenge on the cult of Thulsa Doom (which shares extreme parallels with the 60's hippy culture, still though, this is no political film). The revenge is the tale and despite Thulsa Doom's attempts to muddy the picture for us Conan is undeterred. He's a man of action. Despite us doing the thinking for him, Conan is not to be bothered with conscience. The film threatens to take things deeper but never actually follows through, allowing the viewer to take the ideas as far as they want.
Thulsa Doom: Who is your father if it is not me? Who gave you the will to live? I am the wellspring from which you flow--when I am gone, you will never have been. What will your world be without me?
But the fascist superman that is Conan refuses such an idea. His response is spelled with sword and blood.
There are plenty of great scenes just of Subotai and Conan's traveling, usually without dialogue and supported by Poledouris' thundering score. Arnold, Lopez and Bergman were obviously hired as athletes and they show it here (doing the majority of their own stunts) by taking part in some decent sword fights.
And there's plenty of sex and violence.
Why it doesn't work: Arnold's horrible dubs. Scenes that involve grunts and groans are silly to the point of comedic. These would have been greatly helped by silence. The same reason all Swords and Sorcery films didn't work until the current millenium also plagues this movie. It can't help but be hoaky, and even the opportunity for serious scenes are lost to old habits. The sex scene that includes the witch giving Conan important information while also turning into some sort of feline creature would only work if you were on acid.
The special effects look extremely dated and the film would have actually benefitted from leaving those shots out entirely. The setup for the non-computer effects seem rushed (jump shots covering the switch to dummies are blatant). And the budget of $17 million (despite being high at the time) was not enough for the battle climax Milius had originally envisioned.
Why it should be one of your favorite movies: It was supposed to be the first of a trilogy. This one was the Riddle of Steel and each of the following two films would have been the next Riddle and Conan somehow attempting to solve it. Sadly, John Milius (who rewrote the Oliver Stone script that featured a post-apocalyptic Conan) was not brought back for the sequel. Ultimately, Conan the Destroyer would be a complete waste of celluloid and tarnish the classic of the original.
It's extremely quotable for some reason. It might be the lack of dialogue that makes it seem this way. It ranges from Subotai and Conan talking of their gods...
Conan: What gods do you pray to?
Subotai: I worship the four winds.
Conan: Crom laughs at your four winds.
To the melodramatic...
Mako: Why do you cry?
Subotai: He is Conan, Cimmerian, he won't cry, so I cry for him.
And even waxes poetic...
Conan: No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, and why we died. All that matters is that today, two stood against many.
It's quotable, it touches on enough philosophy to make you dangerous, and it's a hit at parties. If it isn't, Conan the Barbarian
should be one of your favorite movies.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082198/
