RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 4/19/05

Monroe: Last week Louie Bastardo was kidnapped! For hours, the Bastardo Family interrogated every member of the RDCW, only to find that the number one suspects were actually set up to take the fall by SD-6! What will the ramifications of their actions be?

Marcum: They should have stayed broken up! When the Bastardo Family gets through with them, all that'll be left are the pieces!

Monroe: There's only one way to find out! Join the Havoc!

Tag Team Donkey Lovin' Division single choice

Playboys (Wednesday / TK-069) (61%, 22 Votes)

Nowherman / Captain Howdy (39%, 14 Votes)

Total Votes: 36 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-11 6:51 PM

DCMB Championship single choice

MisterJLA (Champ) (58%, 21 Votes)

Pig Iron (42%, 15 Votes)

Total Votes: 36 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-11 6:51 PM

Hardcore Porn Division single choice

Balls Nasty (53%, 18 Votes)

Ghost Hog (47%, 16 Votes)

Total Votes: 34 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-11 6:51 PM

Lipstick Lesbian Tag Title Match - Masturbation Mudwrestling Chamber single choice

Divas (Stareena / Butterrican) (Champs) (28%, 10 Votes)

Anibabes (Bianca / Cowgirl Jack) (42%, 15 Votes)

TKOs (Meeko / Nuriko) (31%, 11 Votes)

Total Votes: 36 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-11 6:51 PM

Lightweight Faggot Title Battle Royal single choice

Son of Mxy (Champ) (14%, 5 Votes)

James Fantastic (8%, 3 Votes)

Spandex Monkey Man (31%, 11 Votes)

Johnny Evil (42%, 15 Votes)

Tommy Savitz (0%, 0 Votes)

Charlie (6%, 2 Votes)

Total Votes: 36 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-11 6:51 PM

TLC Tag Team Donkey Lovin Championship single choice

Captain Sammitch / PenWing (Champs) (37%, 13 Votes)

King Snarf / Joe Mama (34%, 12 Votes)

Legbreakererseses (17%, 6 Votes)

Dark Lords (11%, 4 Votes)

Total Votes: 35 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-11 6:51 PM

<"Gonna Fly Now" blasts over the speakers and the crowd errupts as SD-6 makes it's way to the ring. Both Captain Sammitch and PenWing are wearing their Tag Team Donkey Lovin' belts. PenWing is holding his Sherwood, and James Fantastic has his guitar. Once in the ring, PenWing takes a mic.>

PenWing: Every one of you really thought I turned on Meeko, didn't you? It's all right, you can admit it. For a second there, I almost believed it myself. And do you know who else believed it? The entire Bastardo Family! And it's because they bought it that they let their guard down just long enough for us to make our move! By the way, how are you enjoying those DVDs, Snarf?

<This gets a laugh from the crowd.>

PenWing: You know, I have to admit, it really is fun making him look like a fool. Now I know why Joe Mama ran him over with a car. To be honest, I can't take credit for this. I know this will be hard to believe, but it was actually Captain Sammitch who came up with the idea. I just made it happen. So I'm going to hand this mic over to him, because he has something he wants to say.

<The crowd cheers as PenWing hands the mic over to Captain Sammitch.>

Sammitch: They say desperate times call for desperate measures. Then again, they also say the grass is greener where the dog's been taking a dump. Yeah, this whole thing was my idea. I have to give credit to PenWing, though, for going along with it, and for dreaming up the little diversions we've been pulling off. By the way, as most in the hardcore division might be able to attest, Sudden Death stings. I'm glad this guy's on our side.

Marcum: This is disgusting! How can he stand up there and joke about perpetrating such a heinous act?

Monroe: How much did Joe Mama pay you to read that cue card, Madman?

Sammitch: Anyway, I'm sure you're all wondering why the hell I might dream up something so seemingly... well, not me. To be honest, we've tried plenty of other things to get the attention of the self-seeking low-lifes Louie keeps around to do his dirty work. Unfortunately, it's just not sinking in that SD-6 is here to stay, and if you try to ignore us, you will regret it. It's not sinking in that we don't look too kindly on how the Bastardos have disgraced this place with their cheap shots and their refusal to abide by the rules and the backstabbing, underhanded way they do 'business'. Not to mention the continued presence of the Overweight Cheesy Chump King Snarf. Embarrassing.

Marcum: And then he goes and insults King Snarf - the greatest champion in the history of the RDCW!

Sammitch: Honestly, I know what you're all thinking. This is really about me and Joe, isn't it? News flash - I'm over what happened. I'm not interested in showing Joe Mama the error of his ways anymore. Because if that's not self-evident from one look at the losers he's aligned himself with, there really isn't a whole lot we could do to convince him.

Marcum: Error of his ways? Sammitch is the one who's deluded!

Sammitch: So what's this about? This is about evening the playing field - which, of course, is what SD-6 is all about. This is about forcing you to come to the ring without the certainty of victory, without the assurance that Daddy Bastardo is gonna bail you out!

Monroe: Imagine that...

Sammitch: As for what we did with Louie...we didn't harm one hair on his body. All we did was treat him in the dignified manner that he has earned! And if you don't think leaving Louie Bastardo bound and gagged in the stall of a women's rest room is appropriate for him, than you may as well align yourselves with the Family, because you're either with them, or against them!

<The crowd roars.>

Sammitch: SD-6 is drawing the line in the sand, right here, right now! What we were able to pull off last week, the kidnapping of the most powerful man in the RDCW, proved that no one is invincible! And Joe, don't forget, what goes around, comes around! You were the key to defeating the RwO! At the time, they were the most powerful faction in the world of wrestling. But like all giants, the bigger they are, the harder they fall! The Family has gotten too big, and when it falls, it's going to look a lot like this:

<The Cheese-o-tron comes to life showing James Fantastic smashing his guitar over El Superbeasto at Robblemania. PenWing follows this with a leaping Sudden Death, and Fantastic keeps El Superbeasto down with the One And Only.>

Sammitch: Think about it - that's gotta be a better expenditure of your time than Snarf's DVDs.

The CheeseDome is filled with the sound of a single pair of hands clapping slowly. Sarcastically. SD-6 looks up the ramp to see Joe Mama giving them the applause. Louie Bastardo and Grace are standing alongside him, and Grace is holding a microphone near Joe Mama's hands. After a few more moments of applause, Joe Mama takes the microphone and starts walking to the ring.

JM: Great job, guys. Really...you all must be proud. I gotta hand it to you: I never would've thought that any of you had it in you. To lie to your fans. To kidnap a rival faction's manager and hide him in a bathroom reserved for women. You people have truly shown your true colors. It must make you all so proud to have sunk so low.

Joe Mama enters the ring. Tommy makes a move towards him, but PenWing motions for him to stop.

JM: Jump me. I dare you…I double-dare you. Why not? You’ve already shown your true colors. You can babble all you want about supposed back-stabbings and underhanded business, but the facts remain that WE’VE done nothing but give you sad-sacks the chance to beat us, only to have you fail miserably. WE’VE made ourselves available for any challenges. And, while we’ve certainly been decisive in our victories (ask the RDJL is you don’t believe me), WE’VE never sunk so low as to actually kidnap any of your team members, have we now? And WE’VE never framed another faction for our actions – that was a brilliant move, you jackasses! I’m willing to bet that the Company will have something to say about your actions as well. You cowards!!!

Madman: That’s absolutely true! SD-6 has set the precedent for scumbaggery!

Monroe: Is that even a word?

JM: And speaking of which, you DO realize that you’ve admitted to committing a crime, right? And that you’ve admitted it to the public? I guess all I can do is thank you on behalf of the Bastardo Family – the tape of this show will make for some great evidence! And you people WILL be hearing from the Bastardo Family lawyers at the very least!

The crowd boos relentlessly. SD-6 manages to keep their composure, but Meeko momentarily looks like she realizes that a mistake was made.

JM: But I didn’t come out here to talk law. Law is no more my forte than wrestling is any of yours. I just wanted to let you know that your desperate pleas of attention have not fallen on deaf ears. The Family has spoken to the RDCW’s Executive Committee and made our desires very clear – we want to finish at Rehash what we started at Robblemania! SD-6 will have its hands full with the Bastardo Family, and we will finish you off once and for all!

The crowd chants “SD-6!!!” as Joe Mama turns his attention to Tommy.

JM: Well, Tommy, it’s nice to see that you’ve made a friend here! Funny that you were so quick to make amends for what you did to PenWing AFTER Louie decided that you were a complete failure and canned your ass! Were you smart enough to realize that you had a date with an ass whipping when he came back? But look, you two realized that you had so much in common – Hockey, Eskimo Kisses, and the inability to get the job done – that teaming up just had to happen. Good for you because, at Rehash, you’ll be teaming up with your new buddy, James Fantastic, against El Superbeasto and Johnny Evil!

The chants continue. Joe Mama turns to Meeko and Nuriko.

JM: Meeko, what can I tell you? You’re fixing to lose a lot of money for the actions of your boyfriends. You may even do some jail-time. I hope it was worth it, kiddo. But the Family is by no means a heartless group of professionals. We know that your decisive loss against Sneaky Bunny at Robblemania has soured you on singles wrestling. We know that your new focus – for what it’s worth – is on the Women’s Tag Team Division and driving this group into the ground with your managerial “skill”. So we’re content to take out our fury on the next best thing. Nuriko, you’ll be facing off against Sneaky Bunny. Have someone explain a Ladder Match to you, because that’ll be the method of YOUR demise!

Joe Mama moves on to Captain Sammitch.

JM: Aren’t you the big talker when you’ve got all your buddies to protect you, eh Sammitch? But I don’t remember you being so tough at Robblemania when I destroyed you without “the assurance that Daddy Bastardo” was gonna “bail me out”! As a matter of fact, I remember actually prolonging that match to add some drama to the proceedings. So show some respect when you talk about your betters, boy!

Captain Sammitch’s fists clench and his eyes are blazing, but he doesn’t make a move.

JM: Now, the way I see it, you’ve got a victory against me, and I’ve got a victory against you. Even though my victory was a lot cleaner, I think Rehash is a great place for a tie-breaking match. And maybe this is my temper talking, but I think that a Last Man Standing Match should settle things quite well. Even if I know it just opens up the opportunity for you to have someone – anyone – win your match for you. Because, you see, you and PenWing may have worn the belt, but we all know that I’m the greatest uncrowned hardcore wrestler that the RDCW has ever seen! We know that you, in your heart, don’t believe in a “level playing field”, no matter how much you like to pretend for your “fans”. So you bring your Bo staff, your pretty li’l girlfriend, and call in every favor you can from everyone you know. Because, at Rehash, I fully plan to cut through everything you put in my path until there’s nothing left for you but the inevitability of your own defeat!

Joe Mama turns his attention to PenWing, who stands defiantly.

JM: I don’t know whether to thank you or beat the crap outta you. Your plan to embarrass King Snarf only served to give him a new favorite TV show. He’s been watching Dragnet for the last week. Which wouldn’t bother me, except that he’s been dressing up like Joe Friday and doing monologues in that damn monotone. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have to listen to his “film noir” narrations?

The crowd and SD-6 chuckle at this revelation. Even Joe Mama is trying to keep a straight face.

JM: You wanted the Heavyweight Champion’s attention? You got it, boy. Clear off your calendar, because you get to face off against The Man in a Cage Match! And you won’t have Son Of Mxy to try and play the spoiler for you! Oh…and before I forget, tonight you and my bitch Sammitch get to defend your Tag Team Donkey Lovin’ Titles in a Triple Threat, TLC Match against myself, King Snarf, and…The Legbreakers!!! How’s that sound, buddy?

Madman: That sounds great! The Bastardo Family gets to destroy SD-6 in one full swoop, get their revenge for the crimes they committed against Louie Bastardo, AND swipe the titles away from them tonight!

Monroe: Shut up, Marcum…

PenWing turns to SD-6, and they huddle for a moment. After a a minute, they turn back.

PenWing: Those are some interesting matches you've got lined up for Rehash, Joe. I can see you've put a lot of thought into them. But not nearly enough. El Superbeasto and Johnny Evil want to face James Fantastic and Two-Ton Tommy in a tag match? Well, we all saw what James and I did at Robblemania. Tommy may not be as fast as me, but he's a whole hell of a lot stronger than I am. As for the Boobie Belt title match, I can't wait to see what Nuriko can do with a ladder. All I know is that it's going to hurt a whole hell of a lot more than a Sherwood. And if you think your going to be the Last Man Standing at Rehash...

PenWing looks over to Captain Sammitch, who is now smiling at Joe.

PenWing: Joe, I don't know if you'll ever be able to stand again after that match!

The crowd cheers.

PenWing: Now, about the main event... King Snarf wants a cage match? Why? So Daddy can unlock the door for him while he distracts the ref? I'm sorry, but it's not going to be that easy. Not this time. Not ever. If King Snarf wants to have a match within the boundaries of a steel cage, then there is only way he's getting that match. We're going to have Hell In A Cell! Think you can convince Joe Friday to accept that stipulation?

Monroe: Buhgawd! PenWing just out challenged the champ!

Marcum: He just bought a one-way ticket to hell!

The crowd roars. Joe Mama barely glances at Louie Bastardo, who is grinning and slowly nodding his head.

Joe Mama: I think that can be done, PenWing.

PenWing: Now, as for the TLC match tonight... Joe, do I really need to remind you that both Sammitch and myself are former Hardcore Porn champions? Hell, I made my name in this league as a Hardcore Porn Champion! Tables, ladders, and chairs don't scare me! But, I do have a problem with this match. Normally, facing both you and Snarf with the Legbreakerers would be fun, except you scheduled a TLC match, not an Asylum Rules Match. So, to be fair, how about allowing the Donkey Lovin' champs to invite one more tag team, making this a four-way match?

Joe Mama: All right...champ. You can name one more tag team to this match, but I don't think it would be wise to name Jimmy Faboo and Two-Time Tommy. Remember what happened the last time he bit off more than could chew?

PenWing: (Laughs) Joe, why would I invite my own teammates to participate in this match? We would just wind up beating the crap out of each other, instead of beating the crap out of you. No, the champs would like to extend the invitation to...the Dark Lords.

Marcum: The Dark Lords?!? The knucklehead wants to invite the Dark Lords into a TLC match? He really is insane!

Monroe: He's just evening playing field!

Madman: Did Sammitch pay you to use that line, Monroe?

PenWing: Well, Joe, what do you say? Does that work for you? Or is you too scaaaaaaaared?

Joe Mama’s smile doesn’t break. He turns back to Louie and Grace, who look concerned but nod at him. Joe Mama turns back to PenWing.

Joe Mama: Do I mind? Have YOU forgotten who I beat – TWICE – to win and keep my Eurotrash title? Grimm doesn’t scare us any more than that pale imitation does! Funny how, when The Family was looking for them last week, they were nowhere to be found! You want them in the match – hey, it’s YOUR funeral! But I suggest you start preparing now, because I KNOW that we’ll be ready to destroy both team! Be seeing you, Boy Servant!

”Faded” plays as Joe Mama walks out of the ring and up the ramp to where Louie and Grace are standing. He turns back to SD-6, grimaces, and drags his thumb across his throat as Havoc cuts to commercial.

After the break, we come back to an empty ring. Suddenly, we hear an ear-splitting cry of 'SPANDEX MONKEY MAN!' and Spamm comes down to the ring, driving a yellow and orange Land-rover. Parking it by the side of the ring he rolls under the bottom rope and scrambles to his feet

SMM: That's right, boys, I'm back!

Massive Pops from the crowd

SMM: This is the new, improved Spandex Monkey Man! Or, to be more precise, the old-style Spandex Monkey Man! No RDJL, so sidekick and no tag partner! Just my dear old crazy self, ready to lay the law down!

More pops, and a huge chant of SPANDEX! SPANDEX!

SMM: I'm issuing a challenge, here and now, to both King Snarf AND Penwing. They want a real title match, how about they step into the cell with me and fight with Extreme rules!

Marcum: Extreme Rules?

Monroe: Remember Spandex Monkey Man's debut match? I think that's what he means!

SMM: Hell, why not have the entire event in a cell! I'm sure somebody's done that before! Can't think who, though.

The crowd laughs and cheers

SMM: Tonight, I hope to take the Lightweight belt from Son of Mxy! In the rign with me with be Tommy Savitz, my former tag partner. Just so you know, Tommy, I'm not gonna give you an inch. I respect you too much for that. You do the same thing, and we'll blow the roof offa this joint!

As for our old friends in the Worst Wrestling Ever...

Boos, and cries of THEY SUCK! Spandex grins

SMM: I'm challenging they're three biggest stars to a match! That's right, Big Lunch, Undiestaker and Crane will all have to step into the ring with little ol' me!

More pops. Batman blares over the sound-system, and Spamm re-enters the Spandexmobile to leave the arena, with the fans cheers following him all the way

Marcum:"Whats this?"

The Shite-entron screen lights up,and there appears to be some kind of scrap yard being filmed. The camera pans through the piles of scrap metal & assorted junk until it comes to a pile of scrap with a figure sitting on it with his back to the camera. The camera pans round the man to reveal its Captain Howdy!

Monroe:"Its the original Captain Howdy. Whats he doing there? He has a tag match later!"

Marcum:"Looks like he is at home with all the other trash!"

Cap:"Good evening cheesedome,I can tell you're all wondering where I am,& what I am doing!"

The Queen:"I was wondering how big his cock is!"

Cap:"Well its quite simple really,I'm not gonna tell you where I am,but I will tell you what I am doing!"

Cap hops down from the junk pile & starts walking through the scrap as he talks

Cap:"As you are all aware I am one of the premiere hardcore wrestlers in this business,and I have finally come out of retirement to join the RDCW!"

Crowd cheers

Cap:"Tonight I have my first official match in an RDCW ring with Nowhereman as my tag partner,which is quite an honour for me,but despite what you may think,my sights are not set on the tag division. My sights are set on two things:
1)The hardcore division here is woefully lacking in any true hardcore talents,so from this moment on,its my desire to take that belt & make the division mean something once more!
2)The Bastardo family! I dont like you,and believe me,thats something that should worry you. I'm not interested in your titles & I'm not interested in your scumbag manager,what I am interested in is dealing out pain to any members of your inbred family,but most specifically Joe Mama & King Snarf,two of the most pathetic champions I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing in the wrestling business."

Crowd is chanting How-Dee,How-Dee!

Cap:"Bastardos,your days are numbered........hardcore style!"

The screen fades but just before it does the camera picks up on a broken neon sign flickering in the background. The letters are slightly damaged,& some are missing,but it seems to say "Ev l C nt Wr tl ng"

*JE is in his locker room with Ariel.*

JE: So, I've been booked for a title match.

Ariel: Yeah, but Lightweight?

JE: Yeah, I've been dieting and exercising and now it's almost perfectly legal for me to wrestle for the title.

Ariel: Almost?

JE: Well, yeah. We have connections now. Finally, I'll have a title of my own. I won't have to share it, or carry a dead weight partner. And I'm pretty sure it'll get me into Six Flags for free. It probably comes with a manual that will explain the many benefits.

Ariel: But you aren't really a lightweight. It will be unfair.

JE: True.

Ariel: It will be dishonest.

JE: Of course.

Ariel: And sneaky.

JE: Uh huh.

Ariel: And all those lightweights could be badly hurt.

JE: You are, without a doubt, correct.

Ariel: Then I see no downside.

JE: Me either.

*Marcum and Monroe are shown at their announce table

Monroe: She's as evil as he is!

Marcum: But WAY hotter.

Monroe: I guess you have a point there.

Marcum but the table is hiding it. Oh, that's not what you were talking about, was it?

*Monroe scoots his chair away.*

Monroe: No, it was not.

Marcum: Even after all he went through last week, Louie Bastardo is still making his family stronger! It looks like the Bastardo is going to be adding to its collection of titles tonight!

Camera fades to the Bond Brigade locker room,where we see Chesty LeRou interviewing Chris Oakley about the events involving Superbeasto at last week's Havoc.

Chesty:Chris,last week,disguised as the famous luchador Hombre Lagarto,you took on the towering behemoth El Superbeasto in a match that ended when you were disqualified after hitting him with a chair...what exactly was going through your mind?

Chris:(grins)To make a short story even shorter,Chesty,Ian and I were sending a message to the Bastardo Nitwits....we wanted to make it clear to Susie Bastardo,Disgrace,Peasant Snarf,and Joke Mama that I am not by any means finished in RDCW no matter how much they might like to think that I am. Which reminds me--as far as that whole kidnapping thing goes,if I were a gambling man,I would lay 20-1 odds that the reason the Bastardos seemed so unruffled about Louie's disappearance is that they faked the whole thing to score some cheap points at Sweet Willie Williams' expense.

Chesty:Now,Chris,I understand you have a major announcement to make concerning Rehash. Care to let us in on it?

Chris:Glad you asked,Chesty. As anybody who's seen me in action can tell you,I've always been the kind of competitor who's always been willing to go out on a limb if he thinks the rewards are big enough. And right now I can think of no bigger reward than to prove to the fans I can still make it in RDCW....so I'm going to do something I've only done once before in my entire career--tonight I am officially issuing an open challenge to the entire RDCW roster tp face me at Rehash!!

(Chesty lets out a shocked gasp;camera briefly cuts back to Mike "The Mouth" Monroe and Madman Marcum as they stare at each other in absolute disbelief. Camera then fades to various locker rooms around the arena as the rest of the RDCW roster reacts to Chris' bold declaration.)

Chris:That's right,I'm offering to fight the entire RDCW active roster in one match! Spandex Monkey Man, Johnny Evil, PenWing, ButterRican, Balls Nasty, Louie Bastardo, Grimm, El Superbeasto, Two-Ton Tommy, Nuriko, James Fantastic, Joe Mama, Captain Sammitch, Los Monstruos Azules, The Liberal Conspiracy--I'll even take on Madman Marcum and Mike "The Mouth" Monroe if they've got the guts to step in the ring...that's how badly I want this match.

Chesty:(gulping) Does that include me?

Chris:Yep. And King Snarf Rules,and F.R. and the Queen. Somebody needs to remind the rest of RDCW that Chris Oakley's still got the goods,and at Rehash I intend to give that reminder to just about every RDCW wrestler, commentator, manager, and window washer I can get my hands on.

Chris starts to leave the locker room,but changes his mind and turns around to make one last comment.

Chris:Oh,and one more thing...I want it written into my match contract that if I win,I get an automatic title shot at any RDCW Championship of my choice.

With that demand,Chris finally exits the locker room,leaving the rest of the RDCW roster to ponder just how far Oakley is willing to go to get what he wants. As the show fades to commercial,we see Ian Bond racing through the arena hallways,looking for his protege to try and find out what exactly he's up to.

At that precise moment in the ring, 'Paper Plane' hits the sound system, and Fantastic makes his way down to the ring, accompanied by Meeko. Fantastic is clearly in an exuberant mood, and climbs the turnbuckle to play his guitar before leaping down into the ring to help Meeko in.

JF: Leem send an almighty WHOO! to everyone out there who figured out it was us who kidnapped Louie Fat-Bastard. And I gotta agree with Sammitch, Sudden Death hurts like hell!

The crowd laughs

JF: Seriously, though, chalk up one for SD-6! In yer face, Bastardo's!

More pops from the crowd

JF: But that's not why I'm here. I'm here to introduce you to a new tag team within SD-6! First of all, there's someone in the back who needs to be here

Sunshine of your love plays, and Two-Ton Tommy makes his way to the ring. He climbs in over the top rope, and shakes hands with Fantastic, to cheers from the crowd, whilst Meeko nods in approval

JF: Now, I wanted to call this 'Little and Large' but Meeko here thought that sounded...well, silly. So we settled on 'The SD 2!"

Pops from the crowd

JF: El Superbeasto and Johnny Evil better have prepared themselves, cause at Rehash...we'e gonna RULE!

Meeko raises Tommy and Fantastic hands, and the pair bathe in the crowd's reaction

Suddenly, 'Start Me Up' plays on the sound system, and Charlie comes down to the ring, wearing his usual company wear. Climbing into the ring he stands face to face with Fantastic

C: I bet you think you're clever, don't you Jimmy? You kidnap Louie Bastardo and then try and pin the blame on The Company. Well, You just made yourself a new enemy.

The crowd boos the cocky young man

C: During the cruiserweight battle tonight, you are gonna go down, whether I go first or not. You've pissed me off, and you don't wanna do that.

Fantastic responds with a smirk. We see him say something, but we can't hear what it is. Judging by Charlie's expression, though, it's not polite

C: You might like to think your buddies in SD-6 will bail you out, but I'm issuing a challenge to you. Two men, one cage and a whole lotta barbed wire. And I'm talking the real deal, here, not some namby-pamby Worst Wrestling ever stunt!

Fantastic looks towards Meeko, who nods

C: What, can't you make any decision at all without consulting your manager? Aren't you just the little baby?

Fantastic tenses, but manages to keep his cool. Charlie smirks, and picks up Fantastic's guitar before raising it over his head and slamming it into the mat multiple times, smashing it. FFantastic flips out and goes for him, and the pair engage in a heated brawl. Meeko and Tommy struggle to separate them, and we fade out on an image of security guards coming down to the ring to restrain the pair

*Back from the break and the Imperial March is playing in the arena. The Dark Lords standing in the ring. Grimm has the mic.

"So it seems that everyone wants to know where the Dark Lords were last week when Louie Bastardo was kidnapped."

The fans go wild at the thought, remembering Louie's eventual discovery in the women's restroom.

"And, it seems that most of all, Joe Mama wants to know where the Dark Lords were."

The fans cheers turn to jeers at the mention of Joe Mama's name.

"Well, Joe, I have only one thing to say to you. . ." *dramatic pause as the crowd quiets down. "If you really want to know where we were, why don't you ask Grace."

Monroe & Marcum:

Monroe: "What does he mean by that?"

Marcum: "I don't know! Grace would never lower herself to associate with scum like them!"

"And as far as the Family not fearing the Dark Lords, I'd like to just remind everyone of something. . .roll the tape."

The Cheese-O-Tron flashes on a shot of February's tag team mini rumble as. . .

Quote:

---

Grimm picks up Oakley as Joe Mama becomes the second to last person to enter. He motions to Grimm that he'd like a shot at Oakley just as Darth gets up and grabs Joe from behind. Grimm casually tosses Oakley away and starts in on Joe Mama.*

Marcum: You don't want to tell the Dark Lords what to do!

*Darth gets Joe in position for a pile-driver and Grimm jumps off the second rope to spike it.*

Monroe: Bugawd! The Dark Lords just sent Joe Mama straight to hell!

---

*Grimm and Darth smile sadisticly as the camera refocuses on them. "And Joey, Queen Snarf, El Masturbeato, whoever, there's more where that came from."

Chris Oakley leaves the Bond Brigade locker room to get some food. As he walks down the corridor he is suddenly hit from behind! Laying on the floor clutching the back of his head,he glances up and sees a figure towering over him.....

NM:"You just got your first challenger Oakley!"

Nowhereman walks away,leaving Oakley on the floor!

Monroe:"Buhgawd,Nowhereman has taken up his challenge,what the hell has Oakley let him self in for?"

*As Nowhereman walks off, the camera pans back to the left and upwards to reveal the massive El Superbeasto. Superbeasto grins and looks down at Oakley, still on the floor.

"Senor Oakley, I would like to accept your challenge as well!"

Superbeasto picks Oakley up off the floor and delivers the Chokeslam to Oblivion!

*Back from the break in the Bastardo Family locker room, Louie Bastardo is being welcomed back by the Family members, including the new Lightweight Faggot champion, Johnny Evil!

"Oh, it was terrible! I was in that toilet stall for hours! Hours! And you know what the worst part was?"

The Family leans in collectively listening to Louie's tale.

"That Fat Retard and his boyfriend kept sneaking into the other stalls to have sex! It was disgusting!"

"You've gotta get them! You gotta make them pay! At Rehash, I want SD6 taken out permanently!"

Louie's cellphone begins to go off. He pulls it out of his pocket and sees a familiar name listed.

"Bill Williams?"

Cut to break.

Tag Team Donkey Lovin' Division: Playboys vs. Nowherman/Captain Howdy

The night opened with what may have been one of the most brutal matches in tag team Donkey Lovin' history! It all started with Wednesday and TK arguing over who should start the match. The Daddy Mack wanted to lay to rest all claims that he was washed up, but Wednesday declaired that being the Hardcore Porn Champion, he should be the one to start. Fortunately, the Divas were able to calm both wrestlers down, and after Stareena whispered something into Teek's ear, he backed into the corner. Captain Howdy motioned for Nowhereman to start the match, and the Hardcore Porn and Eurotrash champs quickly went to work on each other. Wednesday quickly found himself in trouble early, as the Cunt-Fu master worked him into the corner. Nowhereman and Captain Howdy then took turns tagging in and out while they continued to weaken the Hardcore Porn King. Butterrican tried to interfere, but TK held her back.

Monroe: What is TK doing?

Marcum: Can't you see that he doesn't want the Divas to get hurt before their title defense?

After Wednesday could no longer stand under his own power, TK signaled to Stareena, who climbed the ring apron and begain climbing the ropes. The ref quickly ran over to her and ordered her off. TK then removed the Lipstick Lesbian title from Butterrican's waist and entered the ring. He ran straight to the corner and nailed Captain Howdy with the title. He then dropped it on the mat and gave Nowhereman the Orchepocalypse. Kicking the belt out of the ring, TK pulled Wednesday over Nowhereman and rolled out of the ring, returning to his corner. Stareena then backed away from the ref, who turned to see the pin and began to count, but Nowhereman kicked out at two. Wednesday began to get to his feet, and pulled Nowhereman up. Nowhereman then Irish whipped Wednesday into the ropes, but Wednesday held on. He then lept to his corner to tag in TK, who went to work on Nowhereman. The Daddy Mack punished Nowhereman with a series of fast paced technical moves. He then hit the Kansas City Flap-Jack, but Captain Howdy broke the pin. Pissed at TK for knocking him over with the belt, Captain Howdy got hardcore on his ass with a steel chair, and the ref called for the bell. Wednesday grabbed Stareena's belt, and ran at Howdy, but Nowhereman tripped him up and put him in the Crippler Cuntface. Captain Howdy motioned for Nowhereman to bring Wednesday to his feet, and he handed Wednesday the chair. After a moment, Wednesday realized what was in his hands, but it was too late as Howdy superkicked the chair into Wednsaday's face.

Monroe: Captain Howdy just told Wednesday he'd see him next Tuesday!

Marcum: With Rehash on Sunday, I doubt Wednesday will want to wait that long!


DCMB Championship: MisterJLA (Champ) vs. Pig Iron

Pig Iron fought hard, but in the end he was no match for the Final Justice of Mister JLA!


Hardcore Porn Division: Balls Nasty vs. Ghost Hog

The mysterious Ghost Hog gave Balls Nasty a run for his money, forcing him to use his most devistating move, the Camero Cut, through a table that Ghost Hog had set up inside the ring. After the win, PJP came out and hit the PJPDriver on Balls, right onto a steel chair that had been lying in the ring.

Lipstick Lesbian Tag Title Match - Masturbation Mudwrestling Chamber:
Divas(Champs) vs. Anibabes vs. TKOs

You had to be there to see it with your own eyes! Never before had three tag teams met in the Masturbation Chamber! Never before had the Masturbation Chamber been filled with mud! And never before had the RDCW seen such an upset!

For this match, the Doctor himself came out to announce that there would be special guest referee, Chesty Larou, who came out wearing a bikini with a top so small it left everyone wondering how her bosom could possibly be contained.

Marcum: I think I just died and went to Heavin'!

Stareena started the match against Cowgirl Jack. Everyone else was locked in a chamber. Every two minutes, one chamber would open at random, and either friend or foe could emerge. Unfortunately for Stareena, it was Bianca who emerged, and the Anibabes quickly pinned the Diva for the first elimination. Meeko's chamber opened next, and she came out in a rage, continuously knocking the Anibabes down one at a time, never allowing either one the chance to lay a hand on her.

Monroe: Meeko seems to have things well in hand.

Marcum: Are you watching the same match, Mouth? The Anibabes are just having trouble keeping their footing in the mud!

Butterrican entered next, and she quickly went to work on CJ, while Meeko began executing German Meekoplexes on Bianca. However, Meeko lost her footing on the third Meekoplex, and she hit the mud hard, appearing to have twisted her ankle.

Monroe: Meeko's hurt!

Chesty Larou went to Meeko's aid, and the Anibabes quickly double teamed Butterrican. The final chamber opened, and Nuriko entered. Nuriko ran and tackle Bianca, knocking her into CJ, who then accidently ripped Butterrican's top off as she fell.

Fat Retard: Slobberknocker!

Marcum: What I wouldn't give to slobber over those knockers!

Butterrican quickly tried to pin CJ, but Nuriko rolled her into a small package, and Chesty counted for the pin. As Butterrican left, paramedics escorted Meeko out of the chamber as well, and splinted her ankle on the ramp. They tried to escort her to the locker room, but she refused to leave, and demanded to be reentered into the match. But that time, Nuriko had been pinned, and as she left the ring, she held her manager back. Nuriko whispered something into Meeko's ear. Meeko nodded, Nuriko helped her up the ramp as Chesty awarded the Anibabes the Lipstick Lesbian tag titles.


Lightweight Faggot Title Battle Royal:
Son of Mxy (Champ) vs. James Fantastic vs. Spandex Monkey Man vs. Johnny Evil vs. Tommy Savitz vs. Charlie

As soon as everyone was in the ring the match turned nasty fast! Spandex Monkey Man went straight for Johnny Evil, and the two locked up in a brawl that caused the almost simultaneous elimination of both Tommy Savitz and Charlie, as Charlie was about to perform Big Business on Tommy Savitz from the top turnbuckle when Johnny Evil whipped Spamm into them.

Monroe: Buhbawb! Johnny is, he's so-

Marcum: Evil!

Mornoe: I was going to say big! He has no right to be in this match! He's not a lightweight!

Marcum: Face it, Mouth, the Family can't be stopped by anyone or anything!

Monroe: I guess that also includes weight restrictions.

Next to go was James Fantastic, who fell victim to the STF after he climed the corner ropes. However, Son of Mxy had no time to catch his breath as Spamm was able to sling shot Johnny Eivl into him. Spamm then grabbed SoM and sent him out of the ring with the Spandex Monkey Slam.

Monroe: The champ has been eliminated!

Marcum: Now for the Bastardo Family to take another belt!

Marcum barely finished those words when Johnny sent Spamm on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. He then picked Spamm up, displaying his obvious size advantage, and threw him out of the ring to claim the Lightweight Faggot title.

TLC Tag Team Donkey Lovin Championship:
Captain Sammitch/PenWing (Champs) vs. King Snarf/Joe Mama vs. Legbreakererseses vs. Dark Lords

First to the ring was King Snarf, Joe Mama, and the Legbreakererseses. Together, the Legbreakererses began setting up tables ouside the ring while Joe Mama and King Snarf pulled out some ladders from beneath the ring. The crowd's booes were so loud that Grimm's entrance music could not be heard over the the noise. But when the lights went out and the Dark Lords rose from beneath the stage, the crowd cheered them as they walked to the ring. Although it didn't seem possible, those cheers turned even louder when "Gonna Fly Now" started playing, and the Donkey Lovin' champs walked to the ring. They handed over their titles to Lothar. The belts were raised the rafters, and the bell sounded. Total chaos then ensued as the Legbreakererses immedeately took out the trash on Sammtich, and Joe Mama gave PenWing the Eastcoast Hammer. Joe and Snarf then turned to Captain Sammatch, who nailed both of them with a chair. The Dark Lords lifted up the Legbreakers and chokeslammed them through the tables outside the ring. They then turned their attention to Captain Sammitch, who still had a chair in his hand. PenWing surprised Grimm with a low blow kick to the groin as he walked over him, and Sammitch hit him with the chair. Darth then booted Sammitch, and reached down to pick up PenWing for a Sabre Stretch.

Marcum: It's all over for SD-6! They pissed off the wrong monsters!

PenWing struggled as Darth tried to lock in the stretch, so Darth began to swing PenWing out for the Darkside Slam. PenWing had other ideas, and grabbed Darth's head, using Darth's own strenght to deliver a momentous Sudden Death.

Monroe: Buhgawb! First El Superbeasto, and now Darth!

PenWing then exited the ring and grabbed one of the ladders. Stupid Doog attacked PenWing from behind, but PenWing nailed him with an elbow. PenWing then backed away, lined up the ladder, and speared Doog with it.

Marcum: Stupid Doog is bleeding! PenWing is going to pay for that!

Winged Creature came up behind PenWing and hit him with a chair. He then took the ladder and slid it into the ring. Back on his feet, Grimm set up the ladder, and both he and King Snarf began to climb it. In the ring, Joe and Sammitch went at each other, and Joe clotheslined Sammtich out of the ring. He then followed him, whipping Sammitch into the ring steps, and cutting him open on the ring post. Meanwhile, Darth was quietly setting up a table in the ring. Both Snarf and Grimm reached the top of the ladder at the same time, and Grimm grabbed Snarf, delivering a Kobe Special off the ladder and through the table.

Monroe: The Champ has been taken out!

Marcum: So has the Dark Lord!

Stupid Doog and Winged Creature were double teaming PenWing outside the ring when Darth grabbed Stupid Doog and gave him a Sabre Slam. Winged Creature and Joe Mama whipped PenWing and Sammitch into each other, and Creature then jumped up to the ring apron and ran at Darth, leaping into the air for a cross body, but Darth was ready to catch him. Darth then walked over to the Spanish announce table and climbed on top of it.

Marcum: Oh no! What's he doing?

Grimm suddenly returned to his feet and climbed the corner turnbuckle near the table. Darth locked his hold on Creature and Grimm lept into the air, connecting on the spike piledriver.

Monroe: Winged Creature got a one way ticket straight to hell!

As Darth and Grimm collected themselves, Howlerama ran down the ramp, and Charlie emerged from the crowd. Howlerama had grabbed some chairs and repeatedly hit the Dark Lords while Charile set up two tables. He then instructed Howlerama to hand over the Big Bucks to the Dark Lords, right through the tables. The Company then walked back up the ramp.

Monroe: That's not right! The Company just interfered in the match!

Marcum: They were just evening the playing field!

In the ring, Joe Mama set up a ladder and began to climb. Sammitch, battered and bleeding, slipped into the ring. Seeing Joe reaching for the belts, Sammitch summoned all of his strength and knocked the ladder over, sending Joe flying to the ground outside the ring. Sammitch then picked up a chair and walked over the corner turnbuckel. He climbed up and jumped off, delivering a 360 splash with the chair to Joe Mama.

Monroe: That was a Hiroshima Mama! With interest!

King Snarf finally got up and reset the ladder. Slowly, he began to climb.

Marcum: It's all over now! There's a reason Snarf's the King!

Monroe: Don't speak too soon, Madman! PenWing just slid another ladder into the ring! The race is on!

PenWing set up the ladder and began to climb. Snarf got to the top and, as he began to reach for the titles, he noticed PenWing just reaching the top of the ladder next him. As PenWing began to stand up, Snarf tried to kick him. PenWing ducked, and Snarf almost lost his balance, but quickly recovered. Snarf then turned back to PenWing, who connected a Spin-o-rama to Snarf's face. Snarf fell off the ladder, and PenWing grabbed the belts to retain the Donkey Lovin' tag team championship. "Gonna Fly Now" blasted over the speakers as the rest of SD-6 came out to the ring to celebrate with the tag champs.

Monroe: The Family tried, but they just couldn't finish off the tag champs tonight! How will this affect Rehash? Find out Sunday night, live on Llance per view!