RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 06.07.05

Hot on the heels of the successful INVADED!!! pay per view, it's Tuesday Night Havoc! The RDCW has successfully fended off Billionaire Vince and the Worst Wrestling Ever and now it's time to get back to business!

Hardcore Porn King Series Match 2 single choice

Wednesday (44%, 12 Votes)

TK-069 (56%, 15 Votes)

Total Votes: 27 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-10-31 8:37 PM

Hotties Match single choice

Cowgirl Jack (43%, 12 Votes)

Butterrican (57%, 16 Votes)

Total Votes: 28 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-10-31 8:37 PM

DCMBs Title single choice

MisterJLA (Champ) w/Captain Howdy (69%, 18 Votes)

Chris Oakley (31%, 8 Votes)

Total Votes: 26 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-10-31 8:37 PM

6 Man Tag single choice

Spandex Monkey Man / Dark Lords (33%, 9 Votes)

Johnny Evil / Legbreakers (67%, 18 Votes)

Total Votes: 27 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-10-31 8:37 PM

TLC II-Donkey Lovin Tag Titles single choice

PenWing / Sammitch (Champs) (25%, 7 Votes)

King Snarf / Joe Mama (46%, 13 Votes)

Howlerama (4%, 1 Votes)

Fantastic / Tommy (25%, 7 Votes)

Total Votes: 28 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-10-31 8:37 PM

Backstage interviewer Chesty Lerou is seen backstage, getting ready to interview DCMB World Champion MisterJLA. JLA's belt is fastened slightly below his waist...

JLA: You know, Chesty, I'd like to get in a wrestling contest with those great big ol' t....

Cameraman:: And we're on!

Chesty: JLA, in your next match, you will be defending your coveted DCMB World Championship against your #1 contender, Chris Oakley. Some say you've ducking Oakley ever since you signed on with the RDCW. Your comments?

JLA: I couldn't avoid Oakley if I tried. He's always bothering just about everybody backstage, going on and on about how wonderful he and the Bong Brigade are.

Chesty: You mean "The Bond Brigade".

JLA: Whatever. Point is, Oakley's been begging for a shot at my title for quite some time, and now he's going to get what he wanted. Well, not really. He'll get his shot at my belt, but he's also going to get his brains beat in. Bank on it.

Chesty: Aren't you worried about dealing with Oakley's trusted manager, Ian St. John Bond? Then there's the rest of The Bond Brigade...

JLA: My tag partner...check that...my undefeated tag partner, Captain Howdy will be in my corner. The Allied Powers will stand united at this upcoming Havoc.

Chesty: Speaking of the Powers, many are still trying to figure out how you managed to eliminate The Insane Liberal before your last tag match. Both you and Howdy were under constant surveillance. How did you do it, and do you have similar plans for Ian St. John Bond?

JLA: You really expect me to answer that? Let's just say that I always have a Plan B. The Allied Powers are going for the tag gold, and this belt is staying around my waist.

Chesty: Speaking of which, can you take your belt off, so we can get a closer look at it? It looks very beautiful.

JLA: Uh...sorry. No.

Chesty: Oh, come on. Take off your belt, and hold it in front of the camera.

JLA: I don't think that's such a great idea.

JLA tries to cover his midsection with his arms.

Chesty: Don't be so protective of your belt. Let your two fans see it closer.

Chesty tries to take the belt off the Champ's waist, be recoils in horror when she does.

Chesty: Dear God! You pervert! You're...

JLA: Excited to be talking to you, that's correct.

Chesty: Cover yourself up! But I must admit, I'm surprised that your tights haven't ripped because of that thing. So JLA, do you have any final comments about your next opponent?

JLA: Yes, I do. This is the point in the interview, when I'm supposed to make fun of Oakley, and tell everyone that's he beneath me. I already promised that I'll defeat him, but I'm going to do something else: I'm going to give Oakley his due.

Chesty: Really?

JLA: Of course. Oakley has the heart of a champion. He's a former Hardcore Porn and Intercuntinental title holder. His arsenal of moves is quite impressive: whether it's the The Splendid Splinter, The Big Dig, or his painful Logan Express, Oakley is a tough competitor. I can't think of a more worthy opponent that could challenge me for my championship.

Well, except for PJP. And Joe Mama. Can't forget Captain Sammitch. PenWing looks tough, too. Grimm's a bad dude. Then there's Chewy Walrus. And rex. But other than those guys, Oakley has to be the most worthy contender around.

Chesty: This is Chesty Lerou, signing off...

JLA: ....completely forgot about Nowhereman! And Charlie, Winged Creature, and his tag partner, Stupid Dogg! But then there's Johnny Evil. How in the world can I forget El Superbeasto???

Cameraman: And...cut!

JLA: Highwayman probably deserves a match before Oakley, and Darth, too. Then there's...

Cut to the Bond Brigade locker room,where the Crotch is getting ready to interview Chris Oakley.

CROTCH:Chris,you've just heard the champ's comments about your upcoming match tonight...your response?
CHRIS:Rest assured,I'm not taking this match or my opponent lightly.Anybody who's ever seen JLA in the ring knows that if you underestimate him,he'll make you pay for it big-time.That said,I can promised you I'll be as tightly focused as a laser beam when I step in that ring tonight.
CROTCH:You were known for your aggressiveness as a hardcore and IC champion.How will you approach a reign as DCMBs world champion if you beat Mister JLA?
CHRIS:You just answered your own question,Crotch.Once I win the DCMBs title,I'll take on anybody who wants to challenge me;I'm not the type to back down from a fight.Anybody who saw my cage match against Pisstian at Invaded! or my battle with the Captain of Outer Space at Robblemania XX understands that.
CROTCH:In addition to tonight's match against Mister JLA,you're also involved in the Evil C*nt Wrestling "One Night Stand" pay-per-view on Sunday and next month's Rob's Damn Lucha Libre show down in Mexico.How do you feel?
CHRIS:Terrific,man.I have a lot of history in both promotions and I'm looking forward to reuniting with some of the old-timers--who knows,I might even revive some of my past gimmicks if the promoters want it.For now,though,only one thing matters to me:winning the DCMBs world heavyweight championship.
CROTCH:There's been a void in the ranks of the Bond Brigade since James Fantastic quit to join SD-6....why hasn't your manager Ian Bond done anything to fill it?
CHRIS:Wrong,Crotch.Totally,unbelievably wrong--Ian has,in fact,been scouting the globe for weeks to find a new recruit for the Brigade and shortly after tonight's Havoc will fly to Europe to check out a couple of promising prospects.
CROTCH:You recently debuted a new signature manuver,one you call Snuff the Rooster--any chance we'll see it tonight?
CHRIS:I absolutely guarantee you'll see it tonight.
CROTCH:One final question,Chris:There are rumors that an indy promotion based out of LA has recently tried to lure you away from RDCW...any truth to that story?
CHRIS(snorts):Oh,you must mean those jerks at X-cruciatingly Poor Wrestling--I turned them down cold.They've been trying to get their grubby meathooks on me ever since my first days on the lucha libre circuit.Rob Blackandblue thinks he's some kind of unconventional genius of a promoter,but the truth is he couldn't put a decent card together if his life depended on it.And that girlfriend of his,Lizzy Boring--she re-defines the word skank.

Chris walks off-camera to begin final preparations for his match with Mister JLA;as the camera fades to commercial,we can see an unusual single-mindedness in his eyes,almost as nothing exists except him and his opponent.Crotch stares at him wondering if this marks the beginning of a change in Chris' career and attitude.

*Somewhere backstage. . .Grimm is talking on a cellphone.

"Yeah, I saw it. He didn't do anything. So he had a stiffy. So what? Just ask her. If you don't ask her, you've got no right to worry about it. Look, I'm meeting Annie and Sindy Friday night for drinks. Ask her along. Otherwise, don't bother me with it."

*A familiar, caped figure bounds out of the darkness, just off to Grimm's side and cries out: "SPAAAANDEEEEEX MOOOONKEEEEEEEYYY MAAANNNNNNNN!!!!!"

*Grimm hangs up the phone. "I'll call you back."

Spamm: "Greetings, citizen Grimm! Do you have enough oxygen?"

Grimm: . . .

Spamm: "I just wanted to say that I am proud that the Dark Lords have renounced the ways of evil to fight. . .for JUSTICE! SPAAANDEEEX MOOONKEEEEEYYYY MAAAAANNNNNN!!!!"

*Spamm leaps off "flying" away again, leaving Grimm with a confused look on his face.

"What just happened here?

*Havoc returns from break and the ring has been turned into Louie's Lounge. Grace is behind the bar and Louie sits on a bar stool with the mic as "Ecstasy of Gold" finishes up.

LB: "Welcome, once again you peons, to the highlight of your week, Louie's Lounge!"

*Crowd booes as Louie and Grace laugh out loud.

LB: "Now I know you've missed me the last couple of weeks, but I am a very busy man. Running Bastardo Productions out in LA (A real city, not like this dump, Roboken!), keeping the Bastardo Family the hottest thing going in the RDCW (and a big shout out to our business partner, Slick Willie Williams and his Company boys.) and of course, the hottest talk show ever. . .Louie's Lounge!"

*Crowd booes even more heavily at the mention of Louie's Lounge.

LB: "Now this week, I have secured the greatest guest to ever enter the Lounge, a man who deserves an entire segment, no, an entire show all to himself. The greatest star in RDCW, the greatest and longest reigning World Heavyweight Cheese Champion of all time, the pharaoh of funk and the sovereign ruler of groove. . .KING SNARF!!!!!!!!"

*Everclear's "When it All Goes Wrong Again" starts up as Snarf makes his way into Louie's Lounge. Louie smiles as Snarf greets him and shakes his hand.

LB: Welcome, my boy, welcome.

KS: Thank you, Louie. It's a pleasure to be here on this fine program you have here.

LB: Now, at this time, I would like to announce that finally we have cleared away the biased officiating that has plagued King Snarf since his inception into the RDCW, and we have secured a rematch for the Big Cheese title next week!

KS: Indeed, Louie. I have granted that PenWing be allowed one more shot at my championship, and the RDCW Board of Directors have approved it. Y'see, no matter who holds the belt, it's clear to anyone who the true champion is. Only one person has beaten several former World Champs, only one person retired TK-069, and only one person is the Longest Reigning Big Cheese Champ, and that's me baby. However, PenWing has taken advantage of my generous nature. I let him hold onto the title for awhile, knowing that he could never actually beat me and win it, and sadly it's made him delusional.

LB: That's right! Even though PinkyWinky isn't the champion, he's still walking around claiming to be so. And that's why next week, once and for all, King Snarf is going to defeat him and retire him with the headlock!

KS: Absolutely. And this time, there will be no El Caminos hitting me. There will be no refs making bad calls. This time, the winner of the match will be clear to all, because PenWing and I are gonna have ourselves a ladder match! And once I'm done, the belt will be back home where it belongs. With the champ, baby. Woooo!

LB: Presactly! And there's not a damn thing any of you can do about it!

*Ecstasy of Gold cues up again as Havoc goes to commercial.

*In the depths of the Cheesedome, Chesty Lerou is cautiously making her way to the cellar. The lights begin flickering as they near, and suddenly they go out. When they return, the camera is focussed (uncharacteristically) on Chesty's perfectly round-*

Chesty: My head is up here, Rex!

*Rex pans the camera up and lets out a short yelp. Chesty turns to face Darth, standing before them.*

Chesty: Darth! Tonight, the Dark Lords will be teaming with Spandex Monkey Man to take on Johnny Evil and the Legbreakers! What are your thoughts heading into this match?

Darth: (after a long pause) Friday.

Chesty: Friday? I don't understand, your match is tonight.

Darth: Friday night...

Chesty: Darth, I'm not follwing you. What are you trying to say?

Darth: Would you...

Chesty: Would I...what?

Darth: On Friday...Grimm is going out with some friends...

Chesty: Yes, he said that earlier.

Darth: Would you...go?

Chesty: Darth, are you asking if I would like to join you for drinks on Friday night?

Darth: Yes.

Chesty: (big smile on her face) I would love to join you on Friday night.

Darth: Then...it's...a date?

Chesty: Yes, it's a date.

Darth: (beaming with confidence) Tonight, it will Johhny Evil and his companions who have their legs broken! For tonight, they will truly beware the POWER...of the dark siiiiiiide!

*Darth slips into the shadows, leaving Chesty trembling in the hall.*

*The stomping beat of "We Will Rock You" blasts over the speakers and the fans roar to their feet and sing along as PenWing makes his way to the ring. PenWing is wearing the Tag Team Donkey Lovin' Title around his waist, with the Big Cheese Belt draped over his shoulder. PenWing raises his Sherwood above his head.*

Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
Playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day

You got mud on yo' face
You big disgrace

Kickin' your can all over the place

Singin'
'We will we will rock you'

'We will we will rock you'

Everybody
'We will we will rock you'

'We will we will rock you'

Alright

*In the ring, PenWing leans the Sherwood against the ropes and takes a mic in his hand.*

PenWing: At Invaded last week, rivalries were tossed aside for one common goal: Survival. And not only did we survive, we shutout the competion!

*Pops from the crowd.*

PenWing: In this very ring, Captain Sammitch and Joe Mama were able to talk about the Boston Red Sox, without throwing punches at each other!

*More pops*

PenWing: And me? I played a little game. But playtime...is OVER!

*The crowd cheers.*

PenWing: King Snarf, you want a ladder match at Trippin' Tuesday? A ladder match!? Well, consider tonight a warm-up! Except, tonight, we're going to throw in some tables, and some chairs!

*More cheers from the crowd.*

PenWing: TLC isn't a tag match. It's an all out war! Howlerama, you wanted a title shot? Here it is! The question is, do you want that championship more than King Snarf and Joe Mama? Do you want it more than James Fantastic and Two-Ton Tommy? And most importantly, do you want more than Captain Sammitch, and ME! Because the one thing I can guarantee is this: When you set foot in this ring tonight, you can forget about the Family Businss, and you can forget about all the prematch promises that were made in the back. Once that bell rings, it's every team for itself. And the best team will win!

*The crowd erupts in cheer.*

PenWing: A ladder match at Trippin Tuesday? King Snarf, I wouldn't have it any other way. Because...anytime, anywhere, (the crowd chants with PenWing) SUDDEN DEATH RULES!

*PenWing drops the mic and picks up his Sherwood as "Gonna Fly Now" blasts over the speakers. The crowd roars as PenWing leaves the ring.*

*After a short promo spot for One Night Stand,we fade back from commercial to see a long silver stretch limo pulling into the driveway outside the Cheesedome;the words 'Blackandblue Enterprises' are stenciled on the side in bright blue letters and the door opens to reveal a tall man with a brunette crewcut and a white business suit stepping out of the back.It's none other than Rob Blackandblue!*

Rob:C'mon,Lizzie,we've got business to take care of.
Lizzie:Right behind you,cutie.

*Lizzie Boring,the woman that taste forgot,emerges from the limo in the sluttiest dress known to man and follows Blackandblue into the Cheesedome.*

*An elaborate, black, Gigeresque sarcophagus sits at the entranceway to the arena. Mist and smoke pours forth around it as the Nekromantix "Black Wedding" intro music plays softly.

Monroe: "What is this, Madman?"

Madman: "I dunno. Why don't you go and investigate while I call the show?"

*The music kicks up into "Backstage Pass to Hell" as the sarcophagus opens up and Grimm emerges from inside!

Monroe: "It's Grimm!"

Marcum: "We can see that. What a showoff."

*Grimm makes his way to ringside. He has a mic in hand and looks like he has something important to say.

"Tonight, just a little while ago backstage. . .I was approached by a guy who claims to represent this little rinky dink promotion on the west coast. . .maybe you've heard of it, maybe not. They like to try and live off of the rep of Evil Cunt Wrestling."

*Big pops from the crowd at the mention of ECW. Grimm smiles a bit.

"Gotta lot of fond memories of my time there. That's why you'll be seeing a Hellions reunion at this month's Evil Cunt Wrestling tribute event."

*The fans go wild at the mention of the Hellions at the ECW show.

"But this other promotion. . .this X-tremely Poor Wrestling promotion. . ."

*Crowd booes the XPW.

"They like to live off of the rep of ECW. But they don't have the heart, the talent, or the creativity that we did back in the day in ECW!"

*Crowd gets to their feet as the chants start. Grimm goes to speak again, but can't be heard over the crowd. He puts the mic down and decides to wait for them. After a moment, they quiet down and he continues.

"So as I was saying. In the back, this Rob Blackandblue. . .this wannabe Paul Hyman. . .comes up to me and offers me a contract. Right on the spot."

*Crowd goes silent.

Monroe: "What is he about to say?"

Marcum: "You don't think he's gonna be the first to go?"

"Being a reasonable and fair man, I took the contract and looked it over. In fact, I have it here with me."

*Grimm reaches into his pocket and pulls out the contract. He holds it up for everyone to see.

Monroe: "This is terrible! Grimm has a contract with XPW!"

Marcum: "But he didn't say he signed it yet!"

"So I took the contract. I read it over and I agreed to make my decision. Well, I've made my decision."

*Grimm reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pen. He motions as if he is about to sign the contract as the crowd goes silent. Then he looks up and shakes his head. He lifts up the contract and rips it in half. He pulls out a lighter and sets the contract ablaze letting it burn in the middle of the ring.

"That's what I think of your contract and that's what I think of XPW. It's fucking garbage. Rob Blackandblue is garbage and so is his wife!"

Monroe: "Grimm is RDCW! All the way!"

"Tonight, the Dark Lords and Spandex Monkey Man will settle the score against Johnny Evil and the Legbreakers! And Joe Mama, I heard what you said to say about me last month after the Family Business tried to put me out for good. And let me tell you something, brutha, the only thing I've been plotting is how to legally break your damn neck!"

"Backstage Pass to Hell" kicks back up as Grimm leaves the ring to the cheers of the crowd.

After a 30-second clip plugging One Night Stand and the RDLL show,the screen fades to a picture of Bond Brigade leader Ian Bond standing in the doorway of the Bond Brigade locker room.He is looking on in approval at a monitor replay of Grimm's speech earlier in the show.

Well done,Mr. Grimm...that ought to give Mr.Blackandblue pause to think twice about raiding RDCW.

He picks up his cell phone and dials the number for his travel agent.

Hello?Yes,this is Mr.Bond calling.I want to confirm my reservations in first class on this evening's British Airways 11:30 flight to Madrid...Splendid.I'll be ready when the car comes around.

He hangs up and turns to find Rob Blackandblue and Lizzie Boring approaching him from the other end of the hallway...

In another part of the Bond Brigade locker room,Chris is in the midst of his final preparations for his match with Mister JLA when he catches a glimpse of Rob Blackandblue and Lizzie Boring confronting his manager.

CHRIS:Dammit!Can't that jerk take a hint?

He joins Ian Bond in the hallway and gives Blackandblue a glare that would melt the chrome off a trailer hitch.

CHRIS:What part of "No" is your tequila-fried brain failing to grasp,Blackandblue?
BLACKANDBLUE:Chris,you know as well as I do you're going to break down eventually and join XPW....
IAN(stepping in between Chris and Blackandblue):Mr.Blackandblue,I believe my protege has made it abundantly clear he has no intention of joining that hideous gang of reprobates you have the gall to refer to as a wrestling organization.
LIZZIE:You can't talk to my husband that way!
IAN:My dear woman,as far as I am concerned,your husband richly deserves all the scorn that has been heaped upon him.Now then,will you two do us the courtesy of vacating the arena voluntarily or must we enlist the aid of arena security to have you both ejected?
BLACKANDBLUE:Well,since you put it that way....

Blackandblue and Lizzie both turn as if starting to leave the Cheesedome.Chris and Ian both return to the Bond Brigade locker room breathing huge sighs of relief.

IAN:Well,old chum,thank goodness that's over with.
CHRIS:Tell me about it.The nerve of that guy,trying to...

At that moment Rob Blackandblue and Lizzie Boring re-appear and nail Chris and Ian with metallic attache cases.

Mike "The Mouth" Monroe:My God,Rob Blackandblue and his wife have just assault the Bond Brigade's two most famous members!
Madman Marcum:I know I may not like 'em that much,but even they don't deserve....SON OF A BITCH!Lizzie just nailed Ian Bond over the head with a fire extinguisher!
Monroe:The leader of the Bond Brigade lies helpless on the concrete floor and his top protege is fighting for his life....

Camera pans over to a dozen men,all longtime members of the XPW roster,running down the corridor and joining their boss in the beatdown on Chris Oakley.We see Obscene,XPW's King of the Crapmatch champion;Mega Insane,the notorious rudo luchadore;Mexico's Least Wanted,the current XPW tag team champions;former XPW tag champs the Choir Boys;Blackandblue's Army,Rob Blackandblue's personal four-man quartet of enforcers;Julio Noquiero,XPW's reigning cruiserweight champion;and XPW heavyweight champion Darien Irons.

Marcum:We've got a war on our hands,Monroe!
Monroe:And X-Tremely Piss-Poor Wrestling fired the first shot!

*The Dark Lords appear at the hallway as the Xtremely Poor Wrestlers pause in their beatdown. Blackandblue wets himself as the Dark Lords jump into the fray, armed with chains wrapped around their arms and fists, laying into the XPW jobbers.

Monroe: "My Gob! The Dark Lords are trying to save Oakley!"

Marcum: "I can't believe anyone would help him!"

Monroe: "They're fighting for RDCW!"

SPAMM appears at the end of the corridor, brandishing his lightweight belt. He charges down, going straight for Mega Insane and walloping him with the belt

SPAMM: You want to invade, little man! Face the wrath of SPANDEX MONKEY MAN!!!

So saying, he drops the belt and Spandex Monkey Slams the luchadore straight onto the belt

As Mexico's Least Wanted and Julio Noquiero clash with the Dark Lords and Spandex Monkey Man slugs it out with Mega Insane,Los Monstros Azules charge out of the locker room and attack Darien Irons and Obscene.

Monroe:It's Los Monstros Azules!RDCW's most celebrated luchadores are coming to the defense of their Bond Brigade teammates and RDCW as a whole!
Marcum:Think maybe ol' Robbie Blackandblue's having second thoughts about raiding RDCW?(chuckles)
Monroe:Senor Perdicion with an F-5 on Darien Irons!And now Chris is back on his feet and giving Blackandblue's goon squad a dose of their own medicine!He's just clamped the Snuff the Rooster on the leader of Blackandblue's Army,Huge Rick Fudley!

*Blackandblue turns and is hit smack across the face with a steel chair from Louie Bastardo! Borden is hit with one from Grace! The Legbreakers join the fray, armed with crowbars and tire irons! El Superbeasto chokeslams XPW jobbers in the hallway! The Family has joined the battle!

LB (to Rob): "FUCK YOU!"

Blackandblue:You want some of this,motherfucker?!!!(Grabs the chair and swings it at Louie)

*Louie kicks Blackandblue in the (tiny) balls, doubling him over and takes his chair back, knocking him over the head with it.

LB: "I told you I'd clip your nuts, you limp dick wannabe motherfucker!"

Louie starts to lift the chair to hit Blackandblue again only to have the second member of Blackandblue's Army,"Dixie Cash" Chris Blandrick,kick him in the gut and lay him out flat with a DDT.

Blandrick:XPW's #1,motherfucker!

He then rushes to Huge Rick Fudley's aid and starts trading punches with Chris Oakley.

Perdicion and Daga pick up Obscene and Irons in preparation for a doubleteam move when they are stopped by a familiar voice. "Allow me, amigos." El Superbeasto clotheslines Irons and Obscene as Los Azules spinebuster them into the walls of the Cheesedome!

Monroe: "Incredible! Superbeasto and Los Azules are united against the invaders!"

Marcum: "The RDCW has virulently expelled Rob Blackandblue's group of cockknockers!"

Joe Mama walks through the ruckus, ignoring the various factions battling each other. He grabs Chris Blandrick, who's making his way to assault Chris Oakley, and delivers a quick East Coast Hammer to the XPW "star". Then he walks over to Louie Bastardo:

JM: You okay, Boss?

Louie: I told you and Snarf to stay in the Locker Room! You have matches to prepare for!

JM: So fine me. I wasn't letting these clowns injure my...

Louie: LOOK OUT!!!

Joe Mama ducks, just missing being hit by a steel chair from Rob Blackandblue. Joe Mama delivers a kick to XPW's head honcho's midsection. Rob doubles over and drops the chair. This time the East Coast Hammer drives Rob's head onto the steel chair. Joe Mama pulls Louie back to his feet.

JM: Let's go. Security can deal with this.

The Bastardo Family members head back to the Locker Room as security moves in to break up the battles.

Wow! What an amazing Havoc this week! The in-ring action almost takes a backseat to the brawl that erupted in the back the XPW invaded the CheeseDome!

Let's get to the recap!

Hardcore Porn King Series Match 2
TK-069 over Wednesday

The former Big Cheese Champion took the win over his tag partner when he avoided a Seven Days moonsault and connected on Wednesday with a Flyin Negra splash! After the bout, the partners shook hands in a show of good sportsmanship.

Personally, I woulda decked one of 'em when he wasn't lookin.

Hotties Match
Butterrican over Cowgirl Jack

My favorite match of the night. These two fan favorites came into this match pretty even, with Butter's firey explosiveness combining nicely with the Cowgirl's determination. Both former Women's Booby Champions and both two-time Lipstick Lesbian Tag Champions, the odds were pretty even.

The end of this amazingly entertaining bout came when Butter slipped out of Cowgirl's bulldog attempt and whipped her off of the ropes connecting with a high bodyblock. One Latina Fury later, Butter stood victorious. After the match, Butter and her tag partner Stareena celebrated in the ring in the way that only The Divas could, much to the delight of the RDCW fans (and me!)


Undefeated DCMB World Champion MisterJLA is seen in his locker room, with his World Title thrown over his left shoulder. He is watching a tape of DCMB # 1 Contender Chris Oakley’s interview, in which Oakley claims that he will take the championship. JLA looks slightly concerned. He then takes the tape out of the player, and smashes it.

JLA: Howdy? Cap? Where is that scalawag?

Howdy: What is it? I’ve got a junkyard invitational to plan!

JLA: Did you see this interview? Oakley means business. He looks very determined…no, I’d say obsessed with taking my belt. Do you have a plan for me?

Howdy: Sure, here’s a plan: go to the ring, and kick his bloody arse!

JLA: Yeah Howdy, that really sounds like a terrific idea. Don’t you have anything else? I’m going to need some sort of edge…

Just then, Hardcore Porn Champion Wednesday walks past JLA’s locker room.

Wednesday: “Cowabunga, duuuuuudes!”

JLA: Cowabunga? Cowabunga…that’s it! Howdy, I have an idea that should work!

JLA scribbles something down on a piece of paper, and hands it to the Captain.

JLA: Go now! I need you to get this for me! Hurry!

Howdy runs off, and JLA hears "Rooster." JLA looks at his monitor, and sees Chris Oakley and his manager Ian St. John Bond take the ring.

Soon after, JLA hears Rob’s Damn Killer Instinct Theme Music Rip-Off play over the Cheesedome speakers. He calmly walks out his locker room, walks down the aisle, nearly gets assaulted by several fans, and enters the ring. Ring Announcer James White makes the intros, and just as Ian St. John Bond leaves the ring, Captain Howdy rushes to MisterJLA’s corner with…a large paper bag? In any event, the bell sounds, and the match is underway!

DCMB World Heavyweight Championship
MisterJLA (Champion) vs Chris Oakley (#1 Contender)

Both contestants pace the ring for a while, with neither willing to make a mistake so early in the match. Finally, the two lock up, with Oakley getting the advantage. He Irish Whips JLA…into a power bomb! Oakley caught the Champion off guard, and connected with The Cape Cod Crunch to start the match off!

Oakley goes for a quick pin, but JLA kicks out after two.

Oakley follows up with a backbreaker, and then Irish Whips JLA into a turnbuckle. JLA stumbles out of the corner, and Oakley greets him with a back drop.

Oakley climbs up to the second rope, waits for JLA to get to his feet, and lands The Logan Express, a brutal flying tackle off the second rope!

Oakley goes for another cover, but again gets only a two count.

Oakley now appears frustrated. He hit the Champ with two of his signature moves very early in the match, but couldn’t put him away.

Ian St. John Bond jumps on the ring apron, and shouts for Chris to slow the match down. Howdy pulls Ian St. John Bond off the apron, and knocks him out with a sharp punch to the temple!

Chris however, heard his manager, and follows his advice. He applies a sharpshooter to JLA, who pulls himself to the bottom rope after being trapped for what seemed like ages.

Before the Champ can recover, Oakley hits him with a German suplex, and then locks JLA in a Boston Crab. JLA again gets crawls to the ropes, and gets a break.

As the match goes on, Oakley marvels the crowd with an impressive array of moves and submission holds, but somehow, his adversary won’t stay pinned.

Oakley then loses his cool. He traps JLA in a corner, and repeatedly punches him. Special Guest Referee Stupid Doog pleads with Oakley to break since JLA is in the corner, but Oakley is enraged. Finally, Stupid Doog physically forces Oakley back, giving JLA some space.

Captain Howdy seizes the opportunity and hands JLA the mysterious paper bag that he ran off the get earlier. JLA covers up the bag, and pulls something out of it.

After being warned by Stupid Doog, Oakley walks over to the corner where JLA has his back turned to him.

JLA turns around and is holding…a gallon of milk? JLA takes the top of it off, and starts to drink from it. Oakley looks bewildered.

“Hey Chris…GOT MILK?” shouts JLA, and Oakley loses control. He runs over to JLA, and knocks the gallon of milk out of his hands. Milk spills everywhere, and Howdy starts to laugh uncontrollably.

“I’ll show you!” screams Chris, and he picks JLA up in a gorilla press.


Chris walks around with JLA held high over his head…but Oakley slips on a puddle of milk!

Oakley is sent to the mat…and JLA crashes down on top of him!

JLA is covering Oakley, who appears to be knocked out!

Stupid Dogg shakes his head, and makes the count.

1…2…3

JLA, who didn’t land one move the entire match, just retained his World Title.

MarcuM: What a brilliant move by the DCMB Champ!

6 Man Tag
Johnny Evil and the Legbreakers over Spandex Monkey Man and the Dark Lords

This was a thrilling, fast paced match that alternated between the high flying maneuvers of Johnny Evil and Spamm, and the brawling tactics of the Dark Lords and the Legbreakers. Ultimately the Family members prevailed as when Ariel distracted Lothar, by grabbing him and forcing his head into her cleavage, Louie Bastardo struck Spamm with a tire iron that Stupid Doog had left at ringside.

Monroe: That's despicable! How dare he! Why doesn't the Doctor do something about this blatant cheating by the Bastardoes?

Johnny Evil then hit the Mission to Mars for the pin on Spamm while the Legbreakers and the Dark Lords continued to brawl at ringside.

TLC II-Donkey Lovin Tag Titles
King Snarf and Joe Mama over Captain Sammitch and PenWing, Jimmy Fantastic and Two-Ton Tommy and Howlerama

The Family Business came down to ringside first in their entirety as Louie Bastardo and Slick Willie Williams ran down the Sudden Death 6 before the match. "We Will Rock You" blared over the CheeseDome speakers as the fan favorite faction stormed the ring in full force, armed with chairs and singapore canes, unbelievably driving the much larger group from the ring!

Havoc went to break as the referees and security worked to restore order in the matchup! Finally we returned as the four teams scheduled for the match were in the ring brawling!

Tommy whipped Howler into a corner and set up a ladder as James Fantastic launched himself off of the top of it into a perfect missile dropkick onto the Company man!

Highwayman then nailed Tommy in the back with a brutal chair shot that dropped the SD6er to his knees!

In the other corner, Snarf and Sammitch traded off as PenWing and Joe Mama fought on top of a table stacked over one of the ring corners! The two champions battled for position until finally Joe Mama hit an Enforcer spinebuster, knocking the Big Cheese Champion through the table!

Monroe: BUHGAWB!

The fans stood on their feet and chanted "RDCW! RDCW!" as the two men lay in the wreckage of the table. James Fantastic then executed a moonsault from on top of a ladder onto both Sammitch and Snarf, taking all three men down!

The fans chanted Fantastic's name as Howlerama picked him up and hit a double neckbreaker! They placed him on a table as Highwayman dove off of the turnbuckle while Howler held him in place! All three men crashed through the table as Lothar shrugged, unable to contain the chaos!

The fans applauded the action as Snarf and Sammitch climbed a ladder in the middle of the ring, the tag straps hanging just out of their reach!

As they traded punches high above the ring, Joe Mama made his way to his feet and reached under the ring apron. Searching for a few moments, he finally found what he was looking for and slid back into the ring.

Monroe: Is that. . .ohmygobit it is! It's. . .

MarcuM: Loosie! It's Loosie!

Joe Mama nailed Sammitch in the back with Loosie, his trusted barbed wire wrapped baseball bat, knocking his longtime foe off of the ladder as King Snarf ascended to the top and grabbed the Donkey Lovin Tag Team Titles!

King Snarf dropped to the mat as the Family Business made their way back out to the ring to celebrate, as Everclear's "When It All Goes Wrong Again" began to play. The cameras faded out on the Bastardo celebration as the Legbreakers held Snarf and Joe Mama aloft, tag titles in their hands.

Monroe: What a rotten way to win! The Family Business is disgusting!

MarcuM: Business is business, Monroe! What a great Havoc!