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Monroe: Buhgawb, we've got a war tonight!
Marcum: First up, it's the finale to the Master of Domain Tournament!
Monroe: A sweet sixteen battle royale, to determine the number one contender!
Marcum: And it's going to be King Snarf! You saw the fire in his eyes last week! He's going to bring himself back to the top and defeat that pretender, PenWing!
Monroe: Add to that all the challenges that have been answered tonight! Johnny Evil defends the Lightweight Faggot title against the surgeon, Tommy Savitz! Charlie takes on Two-Ton Tommy in a finishing move match! Wednesday and TK have both accepted Captain Howdy's challenge to face him in an ECW Rulez match for the Hardcore Porn championship! And JLA takes on all five of his challengers in the Masturbation Chamber!
Marcum: Plus, the main event, the WarGasms match!
Monroe: Big Cheese Champ PenWing and Captain Sammitch team with Nowhereman and the Dark Lords to take on Family Business memebers King Snarf, Inter-Cunt-Inental Champ Joe Mama, El Superbeasto, and Howlerama!
Marcum: Don't forget the Boobie Belt!
Monroe: It's a four way elimination match with Sneaky Bunny defending against Meeko, Harleykwin, and the ever unpredictable Lor!
Marcum: It's...it's postively WarGasmic!
Monroe: It's WarGasms, folks! And it starts, now!
James Fantastic (0%, 0 Votes)
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Charlie (2%, 2 Votes)
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Spandex Monkey Man (3%, 3 Votes)
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Highwayman (0%, 0 Votes)
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Balls Nasty (3%, 3 Votes)
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Johnny Evil (2%, 2 Votes)
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I-Man (1%, 1 Votes)
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Grimm (2%, 2 Votes)
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Captain Howdy (1%, 1 Votes)
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MisterJLA (16%, 14 Votes)
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Captain Sammitch (3%, 3 Votes)
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Joe Mama (36%, 32 Votes)
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Stupid Doog (2%, 2 Votes)
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El Superbeasto (18%, 16 Votes)
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Nowhereman (5%, 4 Votes)
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King Snarf (3%, 3 Votes)
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Sneaky Bunny (Champ) (53%, 24 Votes)
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Meeko (9%, 4 Votes)
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Harleykwin (27%, 12 Votes)
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Lor (11%, 5 Votes)
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TK-069 (Champ) (15%, 7 Votes)
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Wednesday (65%, 30 Votes)
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Captain Howdy (20%, 9 Votes)
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MisterJLA (Champ) (38%, 17 Votes)
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Chris Oakley (13%, 6 Votes)
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The Hulk (4%, 2 Votes)
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Urg (0%, 0 Votes)
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Pig Iron (2%, 1 Votes)
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Balls Nasty (42%, 19 Votes)
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Johnny Evil (Champ) (73%, 33 Votes)
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Tommy Savitz (27%, 12 Votes)
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Charlie (73%, 32 Votes)
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Two-Ton Tommy (27%, 12 Votes)
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King Snarf / Joe Mama / El Superbeasto / Howlerama (70%, 32 Votes)
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PenWing / Captain Sammitch / Nowhereman / Dark Lords (30%, 14 Votes)
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I Am Groot 5000+ posts
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I Am Groot 5000+ posts
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"Rooster" blasts forth from the PA speakers as Chris Oakley makes his way to the ring decked out in what looks like full SWAT team gear.Huge pops from the crowd as he begins his commentary.
Some of you think I may be taking my life in my own hands when I step in that elimination chamber tonight....well,so what if I am?As any Vegas blackjack player can tell you,to win big you have to gamble big.And tonight I'm going to pull off the biggest win of my career when I beat MisterJLA,Urg,Hulk,Balls Nasty and Pig Iron to become the new DCMB world heavyweight champion!
More pops.Chris unexpectedly becomes somber as he resumes his commentary.
At Worlds in Collision,Hombre Lagarto and I came within a millisecond of becoming the new RDLL tag team champions--but that moment of glory was taken away by a jerk in a black mask who calls himself(derisive snort) the Killer.That bastard's been screwing with me since my first days at Athanon Championship Wrestling,and I've had it up to here with him!
Crowd boos at the mention of the Killer.Chris is about to say something more when ominous heavy metal music interrupts him before he can say another word....
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Slayer's "Angel of Death" erupts from the PA as the Killer arrogantly strides down to the ring.Chris stands in the middle of the ring,motionless,as the masked intruder struts up to him with mic in hand.He speaks to his nemesis in an electronically distorted voice.
Why don't you do yourself,the fans,and RDCW a big favor and just quit the elimination chamber match right now?You're gonna lose and you know it....you're nothing but a cheap poser in a bad imitation army costume,and I've already proved it to the RDCW fans twice--first when I interfered in your RDLL tag title match at Worlds in Collision,and again when I power-bombed you through that broadcast table on last week's "Havoc".Don't make me have to prove it a third time.
Chris makes no response.
What's the matter?Mr. Big Shot Bond Brigade Figurehead/Bastardo Family Reject at a loss for words?!I figured as much.You're not saying anything because you can't say anything.Deep down,you know I'm right,and that's why you're standing there getting punked like the little sissy-boy that you a...
The Killer is cut off mid-sentence as Chris nails him with a right to the jaw;the former XPW world champion then delivers a devastating Lock and Load on the masked man,leaving him dazed.Killer just manages to stagger to his feet when Oakley knocks him flat with the Kill 'Em All;only the arrival of Cheesedome security officials prevents Oakley from knocking him out cold with the Red Alert.
"I'm out for blood--yours!"
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Posts: 47,810 Likes: 2 |
When it comes crashing down, and it hurts inside
Ya' gotta take a stand, it don't help to hide
If you hurt my friends, can you hurt my pride
I gotta be a man, I can't let it slide
Monroe:"Whut the hell is this,that music its......no it cant be him!"
I am a real Englishman
Fight for the rights of every man
I am a real Englishman
Fight for what's right - Fight for your life
Monroe:"Hold on,that wasnt right!"
*Nowhereman comes out dressed in some gaudy yellow & red costume with a bad bald head wig with some horrible straggly hair coming off it. On his face is quite possible the worst excuse for a fake moustache!*
James White:"On the way to the ring from London England,its Hollywood Hulk Nogan!"
Marcum:"Hollywood Hulk Nogan? What the fuck?"
*Nowhereman pulls off a load of crappy posing as he makes his way to the ring*
HHN:"Well brothas,I guess you all wanna know why Hollywood Hulk Nogan is here. Well let me tell you,I've sat back stage these last few weeks watching whats going on here in the RDCW & I gotta tell you brotha,I didnt like what I saw!"
*All the while NM is talking,he is pulling stupid faces*
HHN:"This family business is trying to walk all over the RDCW,and I do not like that. Now,there is no way that Hollywood Hulk Nogan & his 160inch pythons is gonna let them walk all over the RDCW anymore!"
*NM starts tearing his shirt off*
HHN:"So what you gonna do Family Business,when Nowheremania runs wild over you?"
*Real Englishman starts playing again & NM starts doing the whole ear trumpet thing & muscle posing thing.........the audience pisses itself laughing*
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*After a quick 30-second spot plugging Summerscam,we come back from commercial to see The Crotch standing backstage with the Killer.*
Crotch:Mr.Killer, Chris Oakley says you've been stalking him since his first days in Athanon Championship Wrestling---
Killer(grabs mic from the Crotch and starts ranting in his electronically distorted voice):Shut the fuck up, you little Gene Okerlund wanna-be!Nobody wants to hear from you!(Turns to face the camera)Oakley, know this well:I never forgive or forget. My career is in the toilet because of you, and I'm not going to rest until I've torn you limb from limb....every time I manage to get something good going, you come along to blow it for me, and no matter what happens tonight in the elimination chamber match, I'll make sure you never get the chance to fuck me up again.
Crotch(flinching as the Killer slams his dressing room door):Well, obviously, the Killer's not in much of a talking mood. Marcum and Monroe, back to you.
Camera cuts back to Madman Marcum and Mike "The Mouth" Monroe at ringside.
Marcum:No doubt about it, when the elimination chamber match is over Oakley will be walking out of one war and right smack into another.
Monroe:He's been in wars before and survived, Marcum-- the Killer doesn't know what kind of a can of worms he's opened up by going after the former XPW champ.
"I'm out for blood--yours!"
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
MisterJLA is standing backstage next to a lotto machine, with only six balls inside. Mic in hand, he is waiting impatiently for someone to arrive…  Chesty: MisterJLA? Why did you ask me to meet you here? JLA: Cameraman: we’re on! Hello Chesty. As we all know, tonight I will step into the Elimination Chamber and face the five people who I made my bitches in DCMB Championship matches. The ring will be surrounded by a steel structure of chain and girders, but is also circular allowing for four inner chambers to be placed on the apron with platforms keeping the wrestlers from the floor.  Two wrestlers will start off in the ring, with the other four being locked in glass chambers. Every five minutes, one chamber will randomly open releasing a new wrestler, until all six competitors are in the ring at one time. This is obviously an elimination match, and through pin or submission, opponents will be eliminated until one person remains. That person walks away the winner, and DCMB Champion. Chesty: Nice run-down. JLA: Yeah. RACK wikipedia.org Anyhow, while those locked in the glass chambers will be released randomly, we need to decide who the first two wrestlers will be, to start things off: that’s why I asked you to be here. I have a lotto machine, filled with six balls. Each ball has a name on it. The machine will only release two balls. I’d like you to start the machine, and grab my two balls. When I thought of someone who I’d like to grab my balls, naturally, your name came up. Chesty slaps JLA across the face so hard, he falls to the floor.JLA: WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT!?! Oh, right. Hahahaha. No, I meant the balls in the lotto machine. I’d like you to grab the two balls that the lotto machine will release, and read those names to the audience. Those two will start the match off. Chesty: Oh, sorry. I’ll start the machine. Chesty starts the machine, as the ping-pong balls roll around inside. After a few moments, two balls are released. Chesty grabs JLA’s balls (not those) and reads the names aloud.Chesty: “The Hulk” and “Balls Nasty”! They will start the match off tonight! JLA: Perfect. The RDCW Championship Committee have agreed to the lotto machine gimmick, so it’s official. Chesty: With that out of the way, what do you think of “The Killer” and his stalking of Chris Oakley, who is one of your opponents in the Chamber? JLA: I saw how he power-bombed Oakley through the broadcast table on last week's "Havoc". That had to hurt. Is it going to make my match tonight easier? Of course it is. But Oakley has nobody to blame but himself. It’s not surprising that he managed to piss someone off to the point that they are trying to injure him now. And if The Killer is listening, I hope he feels comfortable enough to go after my other opponents in the Chamber tonight, just to fair. I got no problems with you myself, my good fellow! I’m a big fan! Chesty: You seem to be in good spirits. Aren’t you at all worried about tonight? Balls Nasty wants to end your career, The Hulk just wants to beat you up, URG and Oakley want the belt, and Pig Iron wants you to tap out in the Hog Lock. JLA: As we saw last week, those idiots will be at each other’s throats, just as they are at mine. This will be fun for me. A trip through memory lane, with my five DCMB Title Match victims. Good times. Chesty: You also have the Master of Domain Tournament Sweet 16 Battle Royal Finale… JLA: Yes, and Howdy will be in there with me. It’s supposed to be every man for himself, but that’s crap. The Allied Powers are going to look out for each other, and the first man we are targeting is Joe Mama. I know Joe has a lot of his stable partners in there with him, but let’s see how loyal they are to the guy that’s been holding them back. Chesty: What do you mean by that? JLA: How many IC Championship matches has he given them? Chesty: The same amount of DCMB Championship matches that you’ve given your partner, Captain Howdy. JLA: That’s not fair. Howdy…wouldn’t even want this belt. Besides, where was Captain Howdy before I found him? Nowhere. Ha. His career was going nowhere and he never even held a RDCW Title before. But now look at him. One half of the greatest tag team of all time. The Undefeated, Undisputed World Tag Team Champions. Thanks to me. So getting back to what I was saying, where was Joe when King Snarf lost the Cheese title to Penwing? And now Joe wants a shot at PenWing and the Cheese Belt. How convenient. Joe and the other 14 are leaving the ring…head first! Chesty: Leaving you and Captain Howdy left to decide who wins the MOD Tournament… JLA:…so moving right along, I will conclude by saying that tonight, harleykwin will win the Women’s Championship, and bring it home to the Allied Powers. You saw what she did last week. She handled Meeko and sneaky bunny at the same time. Lor jumped in where she didn’t belong, and sneak attacked harley. That’s all right, because tonight harley will get…the Last Laugh!
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I Am Groot 5000+ posts
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I Am Groot 5000+ posts
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Posts: 5,813 |
Fade to the Bond Brigade dressing room,where Joey Biles is talking to Chris Oakley.
Joey:Chris,your reaction to the Killer's and MisterJLA's comments?
Chris:First off,the Killer is out of line blaming me for the fact that he sabotaged his own career.Back when we were both in Athanon Championship Wrestling I warned him more than once that if he didn't stop beating up fans he'd get kicked out of the federation.He chose not to listen to me,then had the gall to say I "manipulated" ACW commissioner Martin Hackett into firing him after he DDT'd a kid in full view of ACW executives....
Joey:The two of you had a long and bitter war during your days in RDLL--where does that fit in to all this?
Chris:The lucha libre style of wrestling is one that should be viewed and treated with respect,and the Killer...whoever he may be under that idiotic mask of his....spit on that style every chance he got.And that wasn't the worst of it,either;he'd make racist cracks to the fans and I finally got sick of it one day and beat the crap out of him.When he cost me and Hombre Lagarto a chance to win the RDLL world tag team titles at Worlds in Collision,it brought back memories of all those times he treated RDLL competitors and fans like dirt.
Joey:Back in Evil C*nt Wrestling,the Killer cost you a shot at the ECW world title after he interfered in a match between you and Sandalman,yet he blames you for his expulsion from that promotion as well.
Chris:  Typical.Tommy Sleeper was the special guest ref that night,and because he awarded me the victory by DQ Killer somehow got it stuck in his head that I'd paid Sleeper off before the match--total bullshit,of course,because neither Sandalman nor I knew Tommy would be the guest referee until two minutes before the match started.But it shows you how paranoid the Killer is...and as if that wasn't bad enough,when ECW commissioner Rod Gordo rejected Killer's petition to have me suspended he piledrived Gordo through a table.Frankly the Killer should be grateful he wasn't thrown in jail after pulling that little stunt.
Joey:Now to the business at hand,your elimination chamber bout against Mister JLA,Urg,Hulk,Balls Nasty,and Pig Iron tonight for the DCMB world heavyweight title.
Chris:Let's just say that I didn't take too kindly to his comments about me in his interview with Chesty LeRou earlier,and I plan to use them as extra motivation to win the DCMB title.First I'm going to knock Urg out cold with the Red Alert,then I'm going to lay the Hulk out flat with the Full Metal Jacket,then I'll take out Pig Iron with the Kill 'Em All,after that I'll deliver a Lock and Load on Balls Nasty,and last but not least I'll make MisterJLA submit to the Snuff the Rooster and walk away with the gold.Which reminds me,Joey,I have a question for the champ before the match gets started....
Joey:What is it?
Chris(produces a bottle of Nestle Quik from behind his back,takes a swig from it and spits a mouthful of chocolate milk at the camera a la Triple H):Got milk?( Walks off-camera to begin final preparations for the elimination chamber bout)
Joey(looking totally caught off-guard):Monroe and Marcum,back to you.
Camera cuts back to Madman Marcum and Mike "The Mouth" Monroe at ringside.
Marcum:Son of a bitch,Monroe,I never saw that coming!!
Monroe:MisterJLA's own secret weapon may be about to be turned against him....no doubt about it,Chris Oakley is out to crush every other competitor in the elimination chamber bout,but none more so than the current DCMB world champion!
Marcum:And somewhere lurking in the background of all this,the Killer!
Monroe:We still don't know yet who he is under that mask,but we're doing everything we can to find out...stay tuned!
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*The Crotch is standing backstage next to Lor.*
Crotch: Lor, for two weeks now you have tormented the Women's Boobie Belt Champion, Sneaky Bunny with your submission hold, La Pagliaccia. For two weeks, you have spit in the face of the Family and the SDC. Now, Meeko claims she saw this coming, but we all know that there is no way she could have predicted your actions against Terri Savitz over the last two weeks! My question to you is, how can you expect to win the 4-way elimination match for the Women's Boobie Belt tonight considering you have taken action in one form or another against every one of your opponents!
*Lor looks at The Crotch and laughs.*
Crotch: You think this is funny!? You're going to get killed in that ring! I mean, those women hate each other, but right now, I'm pretty sure they hate you more! How are you going to survive out there in your first, and quite possibly only title shot in the RDCW?
*Lor smiles.*
Lor: This isn't about surviving, Hun, it's about winning. If it was about surviving, then you would have been left behind a long time ago, baldy.
*The Crotch drops the mic and quickly covers his head. Lor delivers a swift kick to his crotch, and as he bends over, she gives him Punch & Judy. She then picks up the mic.*
Lor: Tonight, I take what rightfully belongs to me, one way, or another. And Coppykwin, your ass is mine, hun.
*Lor drops the mic on the fallen Crotch and walks off.*
Marcum: She's completely out of control! Meeko has set events in motion that even she must be beginning to regret!
Monroe: The question is, will Sneaky Bunny finally be forced to tap to La Pagliaccia tonight?
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
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Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1 |
*Down in the boiler room*
Grimm is getting ready for the MOD battle royal. He's lacing up his steel toed combat boots and tieing them up. Then he begins taping up his hands and wrists with black electrical tape. Darth walks in with a concerned look on his face.
Darth: Did you see Nowhereman earlier? Hollywood Nogan? What is he thinking?
Grimm (still taping his hands): He's fine. He's always been a bit out there. Don't worry, he'll do his job when it's matchtime.
Darth: Are you sure? There's a lot riding on this battle royal as well as the Wargasms match. The Family Business must pay.
Grimm (looks up briefly, before returning to his business): They will. They will.
Grimm stands up and claps Darth on the shoulder.
Grimm: Let's go. We've got work to do.
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Monroe: Ladies and Gentlemen, earlier today I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing the manager of the Sudden Death Connection, Meeko, and the Heavyweight Cheese Champion, PenWing.
*The Cheese-O-Tron comes to life. Monroe is sitting in his chair in his interview room, and Meeko and PenWing are sitting across from him on the couch. Meeko is dressed in her usual business suit, but PenWing has taken on a completely different look, wearing a black button down shirt with the sleeves roled up, and green khaki pants.*
Monroe: I'd like to thank both of you for joining me this afternoon. I know you've been very busy preparing for your matches at WarGasms later tonight, and I appreciate you taking a few mintues to sit with me.
Meeko: It's our pleasure, Mike.
PenWing: How could we pass up the chance to do an in depth interview before WarGasms? There is so much riding on tonight's event, and we owe it to the fans to take the time to sit here and chat with you.
Monroe: On that note, the most outspoken member of your group when it comes to giving back to the fans, Captain Sammitch, hasn't been around much at all in recent weeks. It seems that you, PenWing, have taken on the role of spokesman for the SDC in his absence. Even when he has been present, he hasn't had a lot to say since you lost the Donkey Lovin' Tag Team Championship titles. He did participate in the Master of Domain Tournament, winning his match, and he will be in the Sweet Sixteen Battle Royale at WarGasmsm tonight. He will also be in the WarGasms main event. I extended an invitation for him to join us here, but he politely declined. This is highly out of character for one of the fan favorites of the business.
Meeko: You are correct, it is highly out of character. Captain Sammitch very much wanted to be here today, but he has personal things he needs to take care of, so his time has been limited outside of the ring.
PenWing: I'm sure he'll have plenty to say very soon. Especially if he wins the MOD Tournament.
Monroe: Speaking of the MOD Tournament, PenWing, what do you think of the participants? Who do you want to face at SummerScam?
PenWing: Mike, to tell you the truth, I would love to face Captain Sammitch. No one in that group has earned a title shot more than him. Last week, Joe Mama mentioned three things that work against me. The first was that I care too much about friendship. The second was that I care too much about the fans. The third was that being the Big Cheese Champ makes me the number one target, and that I can't trust my friends and teammates, because they all want to take the title away from me. I'm going to address all of those in reverse order.
First, I know I'm the number one target. I know everyone wants a piece of me. And I've made it clear, that I won't back down from anyone, even if there is nothing in it for me. I took Oakers on in the Cell from Hell. Why? What did I have to gain? I had to bargain with the Doctor to get the match on the card, because Oakers is not allowed Big Cheese or IC title shots for the year. But he needed a beating, plain and simple. He put my friends in harm's way, because they thought they still owed something to him. I highly doubt he'll ever try something like that again.
As for the fans, one of the first things Sammitch taught me was that the fans are all that matter in this business. Having the Big Cheese title wouldn't mean anything if the fans didn't want me to have it. There is nothing like the rush I get when "We Will Rock You" starts playing over the speakers and every single person in the crowd gets to their feet stomping and clapping and singing. That's what gives me that little something extra that I need to be able step into a barbed-wire steel cage, where I know my body will get ripped up, and put everything on the line with no care for the cost. It's all for the fans. With them behind me, I know I can do anything.
Finally, let me explain what true friendship is. True friendship is wanting to give Captain Sammith the title shot at SummerScam. Like the Doctor said, I can't go around demanding to face anyone I choose. I have to face the approved number one contender of the RDCW. I took a huge risk when I demanded the match against Oakers. There was already a tournament in place to determine the undisputed number one contender, and I demanded that it be bypassed for one night. I did that for Tommy and Nuriko. I did that for the fans, who wanted to see justice served. And it was. So now I wait. I want to face my friend, Captain Sammitch, because I know we would put on the greatest match the fans could ever hope for.
Monroe: What about some of the other competitors in this match? What about King Snarf, whom you defeated to win the Big Cheese belt? What about Joe Mama, who says a Big Cheese championship match between the two of you is inevitable? What about MisterJLA, the DCMB champion, and his World Tag Team championship partner, Captain Howdy, who could become the Hardcore Porn champion tonight at WarGasms? And the list goes on. The talent in this battle royale is increadibly deep.
PenWing: I've beaten King Snarf twice in heavyweight championship matches. I greatly respect his wrestling ability. However, like you said, the talent in this battle royale is so deep, it's just too difficult to even begin to guess who will become the number one contender. Joe Mama seems to think that person will be him. But so does everyone else. James Fantastic and Spandex Monkey Man both have a good chance at winning this match, yet no one seems to be talking about them. I do agree with Joe on one thing. Our time is coming. We will go to war, and it will be very soon. There is no way to avoid it. Fortunately for the fans, neither one of us is trying.
Monroe: Meeko, tonight, you face off against Women's Boobie Belt Champion Sneaky Bunny, Harleykwin, and the wrestler you recruited, Lor. We've already heard why you brought Lor into the RDCW. I think it's clear to anyone who has followed Lor's career that she never had any intention of joining the SDC. Do you regret bringing her in, and if she wins tonight, will you regret your decision tomorrow?
Meeko: As I have explained before, Lor adds an element to the women's division that was missing. She is a loose cannon. Her unpredictability and refusal to conform make her impossible to manipulate and control. The truth is, I was desperate to find a partner for the RDLL trios match, and that may have influenced my decision. But I don't regret it. And if Lor wins that title, it won't be me chasing after it. It will be Nuriko.
Monroe: Nuriko? Nuriko is returning?
Meeko: Nuriko is in the process of getting cleared to return to action. And she's looking for revenge. We all made a mistake. We underestimated Grace. We had no idea how sadistic she is. We will not make that mistake again.
Monroe: Sudden Death Rules?
Meeko: Yes.
Monroe: I've always been meaning to ask, what does that mean?
PenWing: When the game goes into overtime, first goal wins. There is no room for mistakes. There is no time for rest. You either put it all on the line, and bring your very best, or you may as well stay home.
Monroe: And you always demand the best from yourselves and you opponents.
Meeko: It's what the fans want. They pay for those seats. They take the time to come here. They want to see the best. That's what the SDC is all about.
Monroe: Well, I know that's what the RDCW is all about, too. Tonight, is the WarGasms match. The Family Business team of King Snarf, Joe Mama, El Superbeasto, and Howlerama will take on the team of PenWing, Captain Sammitch, Nowhereman, and the Dark Lords. Meeko, I can only assume that you had a hand in assembling this team.
Meeko: You assume correctly, Mike. With the SD Rockers all participating in separate matches tonight, I felt I needed to reach out of the SDC to those fan favorites who also have taken a stand against the Family Business.
Monroe: And you could not have allied yourselves with tougher partners than Nowhereman and the Dark Lords. Did recent events involving Grimm and Darth influence your decision to ask them to participate in this match?
Meeko: I would be lying if I said otherwise. The Family Business has been pushing for this match for some time, and I thought it was a good opportunity to give the Dark Lords a chance at some sweet revenge against Slick Willie Williams and Howlerema. Nowhereman volunteering to join this event was an unforseen bonus. He said he has something special planned for tonight, and I can only hope that whatever it is, it helps us win the WarGasms main event.
Monroe: PenWing, do you have any thoughts about facing both King Snarf and Joe Mama in this match?
PenWing: For Sammitch and myself, this is a chance for us to redeem ourselves after losing the tag titles to Snarf and Joe. I think everyone on our teem is looking for a little revenge in this match. Hopefully, we'll be able to work together to deliver some payback to the Family Business.
Monroe: And on that note, I'll let you go. Thank you again for taking the time to sit down with me this afternoon.
Meeko: Your welcome, Mike.
PenWing: We're glad to give back to the fans, Mike. Thank you for giving us the opportunity.
*The screen goes blank and the camera focuses on the announce table.*
Marcum: I can't believe what I just saw!
Monroe: What's not to believe?
Marcum: That was the most amazing "before" shot in the history of the RDCW! I wish we could have had a camera in the SDC locker room when Hollywood Hulk Nogan made his entrance! Now that would have been priceless! Mouth, you've got to go back there and interview them right now! Can we get someone back there?
Monroe: Something tells me they aren't the least bit concerned about teaming with Hollywood Hulk Nogan. It may be a new look for Nowhereman, but he is the Cunt Fu master, and no change of appearance can take that away from him!
Marcum: Right! He'll help them win the match by causing the Family to fall over laughing!
Monroe: Keep talking, Madman. I'll just move over there when Nowheremania runs wild over you!
<sub>Will Eisner's last work - The Plot: The Secret Story of the Protocols of the Elders of ZionRDCW Profile"Well, as it happens, I wrote the damned SOP," Illescue half snarled, "and as of now, you can bar those jackals from any part of this facility until Hell's a hockey rink! Is that perfectly clear?!" - Dr. Franz Illescue - Honor Harrington: At All Costs"I don't know what I'm do, or how I do, I just do." - Alexander Ovechkin</sub>
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Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
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Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
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Standing outside Family Business' Locker Room is King Snarf Rules and Joe Mama.
KSR: Champ, you've heard PenWing's comments. Your response?
JM: It amazes how someone can say they "get it", and yet still not get it. PenWing, you say that Captain Sammitch is attending to personal business? You say that you WANT Sammitch to win the MOD tourney? That you two are "true friends"? Do you honestly believe what you're saying? Do you expect anyone to believe you?
The fact is, you've put a big target on your back with this MOD tournament, and you're a fool to believe that this will end in anything but tears for you. Every single wrestler in tonight's MOD match has one thing in common: Given the chance, they'd all tear you apart to win that title you wear. The Family wants it back. Grimm and Nowhereman don't give a damn about you when it comes to your title. And your so-called "friends" are dying to drive their daggers in your back. And that includes Captain Sammitch - he's probably keeping away from you for fear of doing some pre-match damage.
KSR: Champ, one person you didn't mention was MisterJLA. He's accused you of holding back your teammates. He's targeted you specifically in the tournament. Your thoughts?
JM: MisterJLA makes me laugh. He's just another chump talking tough about things he knows nothing about while hiding behind anyone he can. Every member of Family Business has his or her role. Each member has a Title that they're charged with bringing to the Family. There is no competition within the Family because each of us knows our place. So JLA's attempt to create some sort of rift is laughable.
As for his decision to "target" me, I say "bring it". He's had more than his share of opportunities to stay out of the Family's business. He's seen fit to get involved each time. Tonight I look forward to him trying to eliminate me. I beat the living hell out of the true talent of the Allied Powers at the RDLL show. Kicking JLA's ass tonight would add a sense of completion. JLA, your elimination at my hands is an inevitability.
KSR: Are you saying that you're looking to win the tournament? King Snarf - the Crown Jewel of Family Business - is in the match. As Family Enforcer, isn't it your job to make sure that HE wins the tournament?
JM: Boy, look at the title on my shoulder. The Inter-Cunt-Inental Title! I'm ALREADY the number one contender for the Heavyweight Cheese Title! This tournament is a formality. My title shot is inevitable! That a Family member will win the tournament is inevitable! Believe me, boy, I'm know exactly what needs to be done, and I have no problem seeing that Family interests are upheld!
KSR: Speaking of "inevitability", comment on your Wargasms match tonight, and your inevitable match against PenWing in the near future.
JM: Tonight, Family Business faces off against a team that can just barely co-exist! They're united in their hatred, but everyone knows that they lack the singularity of purpose that makes Family Business the greatest faction in the RDCW! Each opponent has his own agenda, his own grudge. And that's where they're vunerable! Do you honestly think that Grimm, the man I locked in a coffin, will be able to stand by while Nowhereman, who watched helplessly as I destroyed his faction, tries to eliminate me? Will either of them stand aside and let PenWing, who's watched as I stole the only talent out of his group, take me out? The Family has one goal - victory over their foes! Can this coalition say the same? Somehow I doubt it.
KSR: And PenWing?
JM: He's already lost his Title. He just doesn't know it. Everyone's talking about how we broke each other's signature moves. What they forget is that he only broke a move I use as set up. I broke his finisher. PenWing is effectively neutered. The only thing left to do is put him out of his misery. PenWing, you know I have a measure of respect for you. But you're insistence on citing "friendship" in almost every interview you give is proof that you're too soft ro hold that title! The Inter-Cunt-Inental Title makes me the number one contender for that title, so it's only a matter of picking the right time to demand my title-shot - this tournament be damned! But let's be clear: Heavyweight Cheese title or no, you and I WILL face each other! We WILL battle one-on-one! And I WILL defeat you!!!
KSR: Strong words from the Family Enforcer! Back to you guys, Monroe and Marcum!!!
Uschi said:I won't rape you, I'll just fuck you 'till it hurts and then not stop and you'll cry. MisterJLA: RACKS so hard, he called Jim Rome "Chris Everett." In Him, all porn is possible. He is far above mentions in so-called "blogs." RACK him, lest ye be lost! "I can't even brush my teeth without gagging!" - Tommy Tantillo: Wank & Cry, heckpuppy, and general laughingstock ![[Linked Image from i6.photobucket.com]](http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y203/JoeMama13/RedSoxBanner05.png)
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'Lyla' Plays, and Tommy Savitz hits the ring. The crowd cheers enthusiastically, and Tommy pauses to pose for the fans. He grabs a microphone and enters the ring
Tommy Savitz: I've only been back 10 minutes, and I've already been lined up for a title shot! To quote a pretty good friend of mine, WHOO!
The crowd chants Fantastic's name, and Tommy grins
Tommy Savitz: Tonight, Johnny Evil's gonna get wasted. I personally promise to pummel, pound and puree the so-called supervillain until he can take no more, and then, and only then, he will face the true power of The Surgeon's Knife, a move that remains unbeaten. Johnny, El Superbeasto tapped to this move. What makes you think you can survive?
Monroe: Tommy's sounding very confident!
Marcum: He's an idiot!
Tommy Savitz: Also, I'd like to say a few words to an old tag team buddy of mine. SPAMM, what you did at Worlds in Collision was...well, you did the right thing, but you broke the rules, and I don't stand for that crap. There's a way of doing things, and what you did wasn't the right way to go. I'd like to issue a challenge to you: Any time you wanna, step into a ring against me, and we'll settle this mano a mano, the way it's supposed to be.
The crowd cheers mutedly, unsure how to react
Tommy Savitz: Back to tonight! Johnny, kiss goodbye to your belt. You ain't never gonna beat, 'cos brother. the crowd joins in I'm that DAMN good!
Lyla Plays again, and Tommy throws down the mic and poses in the ring
Do you fear The Surgeon's Knife?
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Marcum:This thing just keeps getting huger and huger!
Monroe:Right now,we're heading back to the Bond Brigade dressing room,where the Crotch is standing by with Los Monstros Azules.
**Camera fades to the Crotch,who is standing between Senor Perdicion and El Daga.**
Crotch:Guys,we understand you have a challenge on the table for Summerscam.
SP:Si,Senor Crotch.Tonight,my amigo El Daga and I are challenging Homeland Security and Los Vatos de Fuego to a triple threat match at Summerscam for the RDLL tag team titles!
ED:We seek to accomplish nothing less than to prove we are the greatest lucha libre team in RDCW today....and we can think of no better way to do it than to take the RDLL titles from those vagos gentuzas Los Vatos de Fuego...and if Homeland Security gets in our way,they'll live to regret it!
SP(raising his fist):VIVA LOS AZULES!
Crotch:Back to Marcum and Monroe at ringside.
Estamos El Equipo Mas Grande En El Mundo!
VIVA LOS AZULES!
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
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*James White is in the ring.
JW: Ladies and gentlemen, the Dark Lords and Chesty Lerou!
*the arena darkens as a red spotlight hits the entranceway. Chesty Lerou stands in the middle of the light in her dominatrix outfit, flanked by Grimm and Darth. The CheeseDome fans go wild. The trio make their way down to ringside, as James White hands off the mic and steps out of the ring.
Grimm: That's right, we're back. And tonight, the Dark Lords will put their stamp on Wargasms!
*The fans stand on their feet.
Grimm: The Family Business is running scared. They tried to put us out of action. They failed. They tried to split us apart. They failed. Everything they try to finish off the Dark Lords, fails!
Darth: Chesty had a lot to do with their recent failures. Only she knows the true power of the darkside.
*Chesty smiles and nods appreciatively.
Grimm: We've got a list. It's not a wishlist. It's an asskicking list. And the Dark Lords are about to start handing out asskickings. Last week, the Hogs of War found that out firsthand when we turned them into bacon bits!
Darth: They were only the first.
Grimm: Top of the list. Allied Powers. You want to claim that match as a victory? Go ahead. Everyone knows it's not true. All these fans know, it's not a real win. I respect Captain Howdy. He's a legend. But I don't know how he stands himself allied with MisterJLA.
*The fans boo at the mention of JLA, as Chesty shakes her head and gives the thumbs down.
Grimm: You probably expect me to run down JLA. But I'm not going to. He's very cunning. He's a good strategist, and a lot of people have fallen for his act of being a goofball. But I haven't. He's smart. He's dangerous. He's not to be underestimated.
Chesty: And he's a pervert!
Darth: Soon, JLA will discover just how far the fall to the darkside is. Continuing his current path will be his undoing.
Grimm: Now on to the next item of business. You know, for months now, Joe Mama has been out here running his big mouth about how he beat Grimm, he beat Nowhereman, he killed the rWo, blah blah blah blah, he beat Snarf in the shower match, he beat Son of Mxy in the backseat of his car, he beats off Louie Bastardo every night. . .it's old, Joe. It's old and I think it's time to put to rest the lie.
Monroe: The lie? 
Grimm: The lie that Joe Mama, the unstoppable force, the immovable object, the everlasting gobstopper, the head fluffer of the Family Business, killed the rWo.
MarcuM: It's the truth!
Monroe: You mean he is the head fluffer?
MarcuM: No!
Grimm: The truth is Joe, Nowhereman and I let you kill the rWo.
*the crowd, Darth, Chesty, and the announcers collectively gasp at this statement.
Grimm: That's right. We let you kill the bloated, useless beast that Rob's World Order had become. We let you kill it because we tired of carrying has beens and never weres. We were tired of people riding the coattails of the Hellions' success!
MarcuM: Grimm's lost it! He's insane!
Monroe: Maybe. . .maybe not.
Grimm: So Joe Mama, head fluffer of the Freak Brigade, go through your life knowing that the huge ego you've developed has been based off of a lie. Because the rWo was already dead. We just tossed you the carcass.
Darth: Feel free to bury it on your trip...straight to hell!
Grimm: Back to the present. . .the Dark Lords have added what was missing. What you now have is Grimm and Darth, six hundred pounds of twisted steel. . .
Darth: and Chesty Lerou. . .
Chesty: 40 DD sex appeal!
*The fans give the group another ovation as the Dark Lords' music hits and they leave the ring.
Last edited by Mike The Mouth Monroe; 2005-08-07 4:27 AM.
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Master Of Domain Tournament Sweet 16 Battle Royal Finale
James White: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a battle royale to determine the number one contender for SummerScam! It is the Master of Domain Sweet Sixteen Finale!
"The Ecstasy of Gold" blasts over the speakers. And the entire Cheesedome shakes from the sound of boos coming from the stands. Ariel leads King Snarf, Joe Mama, Johnny Evil, El Superbeasto, Stupid Doog, Charlie, Highwayman, and Balls Nasty to the ring.
The boos quickly turn to cheers as SPANDEX MONKEY MAN is heard and 'Good Vibrations' by Brian Wilson starts playing. SPAMM heads down the ramp and waits at the ring steps. Right behind him is former RDJLer I-Man, who joins SPAMM at the ring steps.
"Rob’s Killer Instinct Rip-Off Theme Music" echoes throughout the walls of the Cheesedome, and the cheers turn louder as Captain Howdy emerges from behind the curtain first, waving the Union Jack flag. MisterJLA follows, holding an American flag with a pissed-off look on his face. The Allied Powers take up position on the opposite side of the ring.
The cheers get louder as "Return of the Living Dead" hits and Grimm walks down the ramp, taking another side of the ring.
"Gonna Fly Now" hits, and the fans go ballistic as SDC members Captain Sammitch and James Fantastic head down the ramp and take the last side of the ring.
"Real English Man" hits, and the fans continue to cheer as Holly Wood Hulk Nogan takes up position next to Grimm.
Marcum: What are they doing?
Monroe: It looks like the non-Family members talked some strategy before the match! They've taken up positions all around the ring!
On cue, all eight wrestlers storm the ring at once. Ariel quickly ducks out, barely avoiding being trampled.
Marcum: They almost ran over Ariel! That ain't right!
Monroe: She should have known better than to enter the ring!
James Fantastic heads straight for Charlie, and the two begin to duke it out in one corner. The Allied powers try to make a line straight for King Snarf and Joe Mama, but Balls Nasty and Highwayman head them off. Stupid Doog and El Superbeasto cut off Nowhereman and Grimm, while Johnny Evil attacks SPAMM.
Marcum: Look at the way the Family Business protects it's investments!
Monroe: But they can't stop Sammitch and I-Man!
Sammitch manages to get some punches in on Joe, while I-Man starts brawling with Snarf. Snarf and Joe lead their opponents to a corner. Meanwhile, Doog manages drop down and knock Nogan down with a Russian leg sweep. Superbeasto throws Grimm over Doog and into the corner, where Doog pounces on him with rabies. Superbeasto quickly turns his attention to Sammitch and I-Man along the ropes as they try to eliminate King Snarf and Joe Mama. Superbeasto spins both of them around and grabs their throats, sending them both over with a double chokeslam. In the confusion, the Allied Powers execute Extreme Final Justice on Balls and Highwayman.
Marcum: I don't think anyone will survive El Superbeasto's wrath! He just eliminated to wrestlers with one move!
As Marcum finishes his words the Allied Powers get under El Superbeasto and lift both his legs together, flipping him over the ropes and onto the ground.
Monroe: Buhgawb! The Allied Powers just came out of nowhere to eliminate the giant Luchador!
Marcum: WHAT!? What happened to Balls Nasty and Highwayman!?
Monroe: It looks like they recieved a taste of justice!
As the Allied Powers go back to work on Balls and Highwayman, Snarf and Joe find a quiet corner to retire to.
Monroe: What are King Snarf and Joe Mama doing?
Marcum: I believe they are talking strategy!
Monroe: Talking strategy? In a battle royal? They should be eliminating the competition!
Marcum: That's the genius of it! They competition is eliminating itself!
Nogan gets back to his feet, and he sends Doog over the ropes with the Fucking Cuntline. Charlie barely misses Nogan as he hits the ropes right next to him, and Fantastic takes him out with a modified Classy Kick to the chest. Nogan grabs Fantastic and throws him over the ropes, right on top of Charlie.
Monroe: I don't think that was part of the plan! Nogan just tossed out his countryman and ally!
Marcum: Faboo should have been more careful!
Grimm notices Spamm in trouble and hits Johnny Evil with the Crapping Wizard. He then lifts him up and climbs the corner turnbuckle, throwing him to the ground with the Triple 6 Bomb.
Monroe: That had to hurt!
In the ring, JLA finally manages to get Highwayman over the ropes, but when he turns around he sees Balls send Captain Howdy out of the ring. JLA runs at Balls and launches himself for a flying forarm, but Balls ducks, just as Nogan is about to attack Balls from behind. JLA hits Nogan, and Balls quickly grabs the stunned Nogan for a Tavernsmasher. Before Balls can reset himself, JLA hits him with Final Justice and then clotheslines him out of the ring. Joe Mama comes up behind JLA and quickly tosses him out. Balls attacks JLA outside the ring, and the two end up fighting through the crowd and disappearing into the back. Outside the ring, Ariel is helping Johnny to his feet. "SPANDEX MONKEY MAN!" is heard as SPAMM hits Might of the Monkey on Ariel.
Monroe: Buhgawb! SPAMM just eliminated himself!
Marcum: That's fucked up! He hit Ariel with Might of the Monkey! That ain't right!
Johnny Evil is back on his feet, and Spamm hits him with the Spandex Superkick. He then walks up the ramp. Grimm just stands there with his jaw gaping open as he shakes his head. Suddenly, Snarf comes up behind him and quickly lifts him over the ropes.
Monroe: King Snarf and Joe Mama came out of nowhere to eliminate JLA and Grimm!
Marcum: That's team work!
As Snarf celebrates with a few "Woo!"s, Joe Mama comes up behind him and tosses him out of the ring.
Monroe: Buhgawb! That doesn't look like teamwork to me!
Marcum: What the fuck just happened!?
Monroe: The Family Enforcer just eliminated the Crown Jewel! That's what happened!
Joe has no time to celebrate as Nogan comes at him with a Cunt Fu Kick. Joe gets out of the way, and Nogan gets tangled in the ropes. Joe takes a few shots at his head and tosses him over. The bell sounds.
Monroe: Joe Mama has just won the Master Of Domain Tournament!
Marcum: But…but what about King Snarf? He eliminated the Crown Jewel of the Family!
Monroe: I guess the “role for everyone” strategy doesn’t hold when the Heavyweight Cheese Championship and a shot at PenWing is involved…
Marcum: A mistake! It had to be a mistake! Joe Mama was trying to save King Snarf from the Cunt-Fu kick and eliminated him by accident!!!
Monroe: Hollywood Nogan was still getting to his feet when Joe Mama tossed out King Snarf!
Marcum: Not true! You don’t know what you’re talking about!!!
“Ecstasy Of Gold” plays as Joe Mama takes his title belt and celebrates in the ring. His back is turned to King Snarf, who slides into the ring and shoves him. Joe Mama turns, ready to defend himself, but he sees his teammate and visibly relaxes. King Snarf shouts at Joe Mama, but Joe Mama’s relaxed demeanor doesn’t change.
King Snarf: Dammit, Joe! What do you think you’re doing? This match was supposed to be MINE!!!
Joe Mama: Champ, relax! We won!
King Snarf: We had a plan in place! What the FUCK to you think you’re doing?!?
Joe Mama: Champ, it doesn’t matter which of us won. What matters is that one of us won! We can work this out later! Don’t forget, we still have the Wargasms match! We gotta stay focused! We’ll straighten things out after the Wargasms match! I promise!!!
King Snarf is still pissed, but Joe Mama spreads the ropes for him to leave the ring, then walks with him, raising his hand in “victory” as they leave the ring.
Marcum: See, Monroe! It was a simple mistake!
Monroe: I didn’t see a simple mistake, Marcum. I saw betrayal.
Marcum: Then you need to clean off your glasses!!!
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Four-Way Elimination Boobie Belt Championship
Sneaky Bunny was the first to the ring as “Scar Tissue” played. She handed the title to the referee, then turned to face her opponents. Meeko came out next as “Let’s Get It Started” announced her arrival. Harleykwin arrived next followed by Lor, to the tune of “Revolution”. As Lor entered the ring, the bell sounded.
Lor was immediately jumped by the other three competitors. They switched off, each taking turns holding her while one of them punched and kicked her. Sneaky Bunny took a little extra time, driving her fists into Lor’s head, trying to knock the lone she-wolf out. Somehow, Lor was able to break Harleykwin and Meeko’s grips, throwing big punches at them as she moved in to attack Sneaky Bunny.
Monroe: Looks like we’re gonna get one HELL of a match!
Marcum: I love it when sexy women get in a ring and catfight!!!
Lor and Sneaky Bunny paired off as Meeko and Harleykwin started fighting each other. Meeko’s size and strength advantage was obvious as she battered Harleykwin. Then she set up her Suplex Clinic, running the gamut of Meeko-plexes and generally abusing the Allied Powers’ representative. Finally, as Lor clotheslined Sneaky Bunny out of the ring, Meeko hit a Meeko-Bomb for the pin, eliminating Harleykwin.
Monroe: We’re down to three ladies! But whom will Lor team with? Who gets eliminated next?
Marcum: Look! MisterJLA is here to comfort his teammate!
Monroe: I don’t think that look on his face is gonna be much comfort…
As the match continued, with Sneaky Bunny catching her breath and Meeko and Lor locking up, MisterJLA rushed to Harleykwin. But he was visibly pissed off and the crowd started booing as he berated her. She seemed to be taking the verbal punishment, but then MisterJLA screamed…
JLA: YOU’RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!!
…which caused Harleykwin to look up, shocked and angry. Suddenly, she delivered Final Justice to her former teammate. As MisterJLA slumped to the ring floor, Harleykwin stalked off, screaming at JLA and the other women.
Back in the ring, Meeko and Lor were battling back and forth. Lor was able to weather Meeko’s brawling technique and even give as good as she was getting. Meeko Irish-whipped Lor into the ropes, and set up to deliver a belly to back Meeko-plex. But she telegraphed it and Lor was able to stop her momentum and give Meeko a gut-kick, leading to Punch & Judy. Meeko flew back and landed close to the ropes. Lor went for the pin and, as the ref counted, Sneaky Bunny popped up in front of Lor and – from outside the ring – throw an obviously loaded fist as the ref counted Meeko out.
Lor was clearly dazed and bleeding as Sneaky Bunny dropped whatever she had and climbed back into the ring. With Lor wiping the blood from her eyes, Sneaky Bunny moved in and applied some suplexes of her own. Then, as Lor started trying to get up, Sneaky Bunny locked in a Texas Cloverleaf. Lor screamed and thrashed, refusing to tap out. She crawled towards the ropes but was dragged away again. Finally, exhausted from the match and the loss of blood, Lor seemed to pass out. The referee checked her arm and, with thre drops, Sneaky Bunny was declared the winner.
Marcum: What a grueling match! Sneaky Bunny showed who the toughest bitch in the RDCW is!!!
Monroe: Lor didn’t tap out. She might’ve lost, but she never tapped.
ECW Rulez Hardcore Championship Match
TK-069 came in the champion. And he battled like a champion. As did the former champion, Wednesday. But neither man was a match for the man who lives, breathes, and bleeds HARDCORE! Instead of focusing on eliminating Captain Howdy, both men alternated between attacking him and each other. This cost them, as it gave Howdy the opportunity to catch his breath and, ultimately, use various implements of destruction to destroy his opponents. Several chair shots and assaults with 2x4s, lead pipes, and one unfortunate fan later, Captain Howdy was named the new Hardcore Porn Champion.
Monroe: I think it’s safe to say that that poor fan lived his dream! Be careful what you wish for…
Marcum: That fan’s body is a lethal weapon! Just ask Wednesday and TK-069!!!
Monroe and Marcum: BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!
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300+ posts
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 382 |
Interlude…Madman Marcum is standing outside JLA’s locker room. JLA exits with the DCMB around his waist… Marcum: Champ! Sir! A moment of your time, please?
JLA: Madman! Of course! The two shake hands. Monroe accidentally mumbles into his microphone. Monroe: Oh brother.
Marcum: Champ, this has been a mixed evening for the Powers. Sadly, both you and Captain Howdy were eliminated from the Battle Royale. Then, harley, your protégé, failed to win the Women’s Title…again! But, on the bright side, we have a new Hardcore Porn Champion: The Hardcore Legend, Captain Howdy!
JLA: This is all very true. I wanted to win the first ever MOD Tournament. It all sounded so appropriate for MisterJLA to win a MOD Tourney. And I tried to turn harley into a champion, but it didn’t happen. But, Captain Howdy turned the momentum around for the Powers, and I will continue on this upward trend by defending my DCMB World Championship, in the Elimination Chamber!
This will be a savage, brutal test of endurance that will show everyone that I am wrestling’s true World Champion! Balls Nasty and The Hulk are starting off, and I’m finishing it! MisterJLA’s ring intro music plays, which is Rob’s Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music. JLA emerges from behind the Cheesedome curtain. The camera pans to the ring: The Elimination Chamber has already been lowered, and Pig Iron, Chris Oakley, and Urg are already locked in their glass chambers. JLA walks the aisle, hands James White the DCMB Belt, steps into the cage, and makes his way to his glass chamber. The chamber locks him in, and James White makes the intro for the only wrestler other than JLA to wear the DCMB Title, Balls Nasty. Nasty quickly enters the cage, and stares at JLA. JLA, locked safely in his glass chamber, points and laughs at Nasty.
Monroe: His sure is brave knowing that Balls Nasty can’t get to him! The Hulk then runs to the ring, and attacks Nasty! The match is underway! DCMB Championship: Elimination Chamber: MisterJLA (Champion) vs Balls Nasty vs Chris Oakley vs Pig Iron vs URG vs The Hulk  Monroe: Look at The Hulk and Balls Nasty go at it! It will just be the two of them for the next five minutes! After that, one of the glass chambers will randomly unlock, releasing one of the other competitors! Every five minutes another chamber will open, until all six are fighting it out! Marcum returns to the announcer’s table Monroe: Back from your kiss ass session, I see.
Marcum: Stick it! The Hulk and Balls Nasty continue to fight. The Hulk connects with devastating punches, and Nasty responds in kind. Monroe: They’re trading punches! I don’t think Nasty will want to keep that up! As big as Nasty is, The Hulk has a sizeable weight advantage! As if on cue, Nasty ducks a punch, slips behind a confused Hulk, and hits a German suplex. Wanting to keep The Hulk on the canvas, Nasty attempts a Boston Crab. Marcum: If he can turn him over, he can make him tap! After some struggling, Nasty amazes the crowd, and applies a Boston Crab on The Hulk, who yells in pain. Before long however, The Hulk extends his legs and brakes the hold. A very angry Hulk picks up Nasty in a gorilla press, and throws him out of the ring, onto the platform. Nasty lands close to MisterJLA’s chamber. Monroe: Look at that! JLA is taunting Nasty some more! The Hulk picks up Nasty, and rams his head into the cage. He tries it again, but Nasty blocks the attempt, elbows The Hulk, and rams his head into the cage! The Hulk stumbles back toward the ring in pain, but Nasty grabs The Hulk and Irish whips him into the cage. Next, Balls Nasty presses his opponent’s head into the cage, and furiously rubs it back and forth. Marcum: Ouch! The Hulk slips in an elbow to Nasty’s head, and then throws him back into the ring. Monroe: Looks like Hulk wants to stay away from the cage! He was doing much better in the ring! As Nasty rises to his feet, The Hulk grabs him by the throat with both hands, and begins to shake Nasty around like a rag doll. Monroe: Anything goes in the Chamber! He can choke the life out of him, and get away with it! The Hulk continues to choke Nasty, and Nasty begins to slump toward the canvas. Using his last bit of strength, Nasty grabs Hulk’s arms, and headbutts him with all of his force. Marcum: That’s one way to break the hold, but that move hurt the both of them! As both combatants stagger in pain, the crowd beings to countdown from ten. Monroe: Five minutes already? The first chamber is about to open! I wonder who it will be! All eyes are on the different chambers…except those of the wrestlers in the ring. They begin to battle again, this time grappling for position in the middle of the ring. When the countdown ends, MisterJLA’s glass chamber is opened! JLA: (Muttering to himself): Fuck! The chamber is now wide open, and JLA walks onto the platform. He notices that The Hulk and Balls Nasty are oblivious to what just happened, so he begins to slowly creep back into this chamber. JLA: Fuck! How do I shut the door on this damn thing? Just then, The Hulk fires Nasty into the ropes, and attempts a clothesline! As Nasty rebounds off the ropes, he too attempts a clothesline! Marcum: They both clotheslined the Hell out of each other, and they’re both out! JLA sees this, and a huge grin appears across his face. Now, he leaves the glass chamber, walks across the platform and enters the ring. JLA: Hmmm…who’s ass do I kick first? MisterJLA starts to pick up Balls Nasty by the hair, until he is grabbed by the back of the neck, and turned around. The Hulk: HULK ENTER MATCH TO KICK YOUR ASS! HULK RE…REMEM…HULK KNOW YOU! HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH NASTY BALLS! Hulk then lets loose with a chop to JLA’s chest with such force that it knocks him off his feet! The Hulk: NASTY BALLS HOLD JLA! HULK THEN BEAT HIM UP! NOT TOO COM…COMPLIC…NOT TOO TRICKY! Nasty nods in agreement, and holds MisterJLA. The Hulk climbs to the top rope, and goes for a double-axe handle…but MisterJLA moves at the last second. The Hulk lands his move across Nasty’s chest, knocking him to the mat. JLA crawls toward the center of the ring. The Hulk stands over the fallen Balls Nasty… The Hulk: JLA MOVE! HE SNEAKY PERSON! HULK NOT WANT TO HIT NASTY! WHERE IS JLA? MisterJLA stands up behind The Hulk. JLA points toward the crowd. As soon as The Hulk turns around, he is greeted with “The Final Justice”!  Hulk slumps to the canvas in agony, and the DCMB Champion covers him. 1…2…3! The Hulk is eliminated! Marcum: The Final Justice prevails again! After some hesitation, The Hulk sadly leaves the cage, and walks back down the aisle. JLA then measures up Balls Nasty. As he waits for his sworn enemy to rise from the mat, the crowd begins to countdown again from 10.
Marcum: Another chamber is about to open! I wonder who it will be: Pig Iron, Chris Oakley, or URG? The chamber of Pig Iron soon opens! Monroe: It’s Pigsy! I mean Pigs! Damn it, I mean Pig Iron! JLA is so focused on attacking Nasty, that he doesn’t notice that Pig Iron is free. Pig Iron goes immediately after the unsuspecting champ, and locks him in the “Hog Lock”! Monroe: HOG LOCK! HOG LOCK! HOG LOCK!
Marcum: Isn’t that Fat Retard’s bit?
Monroe: What?
Marcum: Nothing. As JLA tries to break free from this hold, Nasty shocks everyone by attacking Pig Iron. Nasty: I’M going to eliminate him, not you! Soon Balls Nasty and Pig Iron duke it out, and JLA rolls out of the ring, onto the platform featuring the glass chambers. For the next few minutes Pig Iron and Nasty match each other move for move, until Pig Iron Irish whips Nasty into the ropes. Pigs ducks his head in an attempt for a back body drop, but Nasty stops himself coming off the ropes, crouches down, and picks up Pigs in a fireman’s carry.
Monroe: Here it comes! Nasty delivers a “Tavernsmasher”, his rendition of the Death Valley Driver. Nasty goes for the cover, but Pig Iron somehow kicks out at two. Nasty picks up his opponent, and body slams him in front of a turnbuckle. He slowly begins to climb to the top. Marcum: I think he’s looking for the “Kentucky Falls”, his kneedrop from the top rope! But MisterJLA rushes over to the corner, and shoves Nasty off the top turnbuckle. Nasty lands on the chamber connecting the ring to the steel cage. With Nasty hurting outside the ring, JLA stands near Pig Iron, waiting for him to rise. When he does, JLA lands “The Final Justice”. 1…2…3 Pig Iron is eliminated. Referee Lothar escorts him out of the cage. JLA proceeds to walk toward Nasty, who is still trying to recover from being shoved off the top rope. Just as he gets there, the crowd begins another countdown. Marcum: It’s either URG or Oakley up next! And the next chamber to open belongs to…Chris Oakley! He charges at JLA, but JLA back off. JLA: WHOA, Chris! Wait a second. I have a deal for you. You take out that scumbag, Balls Nasty: you eliminate him, and I’ll give any two members of the Bond Brigade a World Tag Team Championship match! Eliminate Nasty from this match, and then you and I can throw down. Deal?
Oakley: Because I look out for the Brigade, I agree to your terms. But once Nasty is out, you and I are going to fight!
JLA: Deal! Oakley then attacks Nasty, and applies the “Snuff the Rooster”, his trademark sleeper hold! Oakley: Nighty-night, motherfucker! Just when it appears that Nasty will be put to sleep, he uses Oakley’s own move against him…with Oakley still applying the sleeper, Nasty rams Oakers’ back into the cage! As Oakley breaks the hold, and clutches his back, Nasty delivers another “Tavernsmasher”!
Monroe: He really hurt Oakley with that, but he can’t make the cover, he’s too exhausted! MisterJLA walks toward the carnage, but he pauses, and then retreats to a safe corner. Oakley gets to his feet first, and tries to mount some offense, but Nasty responds with various moves that utilize the steel cage. Nasty finally picks up his opponent in a body slam position, and throws him head first into the cage, busting open Oakley’s head! Monroe: DAMN! As the two go back and forth, the crowd begins to countdown from ten for the last time! Marcum: URG is the last one to join the mayhem! URG’s glass chamber opens, and he charges at JLA. URG: CAP-TAIN CAAAAAAAAAAVEMAAAAAAAAAN! Just as he is about to reach the champ, JLA lands “The Final Justice”. Marcum: URG ran right into it!
Monroe: He threw caution to the wind, and he paid the price! 1…2…3. And just like that, URG is eliminated. Meanwhile, Oakley finally gets the upper hand on Nasty. With Nasty out of gas, Oakley gets to the top rope, and hits “The Kill 'Em All” his missile dropkick off the top rope. Oakley goes for the pin, but…JLA breaks up the pin? Monroe: What’s he doing?
Marcum: Making sure that the Powers don’t have to defend against the Brigade, most likely!
Monroe: What a swine! A confused Chris Oakley gets hit with a “Final Justice”. 1…2…3 Chris Oakley is eliminated. Marcum: Oakley didn’t live up to his end of the deal! Oakers didn’t eliminate Nasty, so now the Brigade won’t get their Tag Title shot!
Monroe: Poor Oakley did all of that work for nothing! MisterJLA, and the entire crowd know the end is near. Balls Nasty slugged it out from the start, and took a beating from The Hulk, Pig Iron, and Chris Oakley. MisterJLA very deliberately pulls Nasty up by the hair, and points toward one of the glass chambers.
Monroe: Oh no! Please tell me he’s not going to do, what I think he’s going to do! MisterJLA locks onto Nasty’s arm, pushes him back, and then Irish whips him as hard as he can into the glass chamber. The chamber glass shatters everywhere, and Nasty is soon covered in his own blood. Monroe: Oh Hell! The glass cut him…just about everywhere! JLA pulls Nasty away from the mess, and pins him. 1…2…3 Marcum: It’s over! MisterJLA pinned all five of them!
Monroe: Forget that! I think Nasty needs medical attention! We all knew how dangerous the Elimination Chamber is, but this was too much!
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Lightweight Faggot Championship: Johnny Evil (Champ) vs. Tommy Savitz
Early in the match it appeared that Johnny Evil was affected by Spamms action's at the battle royal. He had trouble finding a rhythm, and missed connecting on several of his highflying moves. Savitz finally managed to hit a series devastating moves on Johnny. First he gave him the Anaesthetic. Then he laid him on the Operating Table. Finally, Savitz damn near cut him open with the Scalpelplex. After all that, Savitz tried to lay Johnny to rest with the Cardiac Arrest. However, Savitz made a crucial error in judgment, locking in the move within reach of the ropes. Somehow, Johnny managed to retain consciousness, and grabbed a hold of those very ropes. Lothar forced Savitz to break the move, and Savitz turned his back on Johnny as he argued with the senior official.
Marcum: Savitz is making a huge mistake right now! He should have finished Johnny off!
Monroe: Johnny doesn't have anything left! Look at him! He shouldn't even be in the ring!
Johnny very slowly used the ropes to get back to his feet. As he looked up, he saw Ariel, being escorted by Louie Bastardo and Grace, standing on the ramp. This ignited a fire in Johnny Evil. He not only climbed back to his feet, he climbed the corner ropes, all the way to the top.
Monroe: What is Johnny doing?
Marcum: Look on the ramp! It's Ariel! She's giving the champ his second wind!
Johnny waited for Savitz to turn around, and as Savitz's eyes went wide, Johnny hit him with the WEDway PeopleMover. Johnny quickly helped Savitz back to his feet and sent him on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Johnny then ran to the ropes and launched the Mission to Mars. Finally, Johnny locked in the Countdown to Extinction. Savitz passed out in the hold, and Lothar called for the bell. Louie and Grace helped Ariel to the ring where she celebrated with the Lightweight Faggot Champion.
Finishing Move Challenge: Charlie versus Two-Ton Tommy
In a match where, to, win, all you needed to do is execute your finisher, it was clear going in that Charlie was the underdog in the match.
Monroe: I don’t like Charlie’s chances, Marcum!
Marcum: If you need an underdog, there’s none better than the Company Pitbull!!!
But, as Charlie walked to the ring with Slick Willie Williams, he had the look on his face of someone who had won the match before it’d even begun. Once Tommy had entered the ring, the match started. Tommy had control of the match, basically tossing Charlie around like a rag doll and using his size against the member of Family Business. After several minutes of abuse, with Charlie crawling to the ropes, Tommy called for the Tommy-Bomb. But, as Tommy grabbed Charlie to set up the move, Williams handed Charlie a table leg. Tommy lifted Charlie up to hit the Tommy-Bomb and Charlie hit him with the foreign object. As Two-Ton Tommy crashed to the match, the ref called for the bell.
Monroe: Charlie just cost himself the match!
Marcum: You idiot! Charlie just won the match!
Monroe: ???
Marcum: TOWER OF LONDON, Monroe! Charlie used one of his finishers! They never specified what type of finisher or under what rules!!!
Monroe: That is so very cheap…
The ref was forced to call the match in favor of Charlie.
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Wargasms: The ClimaxPenWing, Captain Sammitch, Nowhereman, & The Dark Lords versus King Snarf, Joe Mama, El Superbeasto, & HowleramaMonroe: Next up is the main event. The match that this PPV is named for. Wargasms. And we've been guaranteed a special guest official to handle the coin toss and the gate. One with a history with Wargames, the match that this and many others (including tonight's previous DCMB Masturbation Chamber) are based off of. Marcum: Matthew Broderick! Monroe: Would you be quiet?!  Monroe: Two rings. Side by side. Encased in a steel cage. Five men will enter. First, one man from each team will be locked inside the cage. For five minutes they will battle each other inside the massive cage. At the end of that time, the official, who will remain outside the cage until the last man has entered, will flip a coin to determine which team takes the advantage. The winner will then have another of their men enter the cage. The other team will have to wait another five minutes until they can send someone in to assist their lone partner. And so it will go. Every five minutes they will alternate between teams until every man has enter the ring. Then, and only then, will the official enter. Because when the last wrestler enters the cage, we begin the part of the match called the Wargasms Climax. The first man to submit or surrender will loose the entire match for his team. Remember, folks: Only after all the participants have entered the ring will a win be recognized. The match will run an entire 45 minutes before a winner can even be declared. Marcum: But that's unfair. Joe Mama, King Snarf, Highwayman, El Superbesto! They've all been in the MOD tournament. This is cheating! Monroe: No it's not. Most of the men involved in this match have had previous matches tonight. The overhead lights go out as O Fortuna begins to play over the PA system. Spotlights begin to circle the arena.
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Along the ring apron, the Dark Lords continue taking their revenge on Howlerama. Grimm smashes Howler's face into the cage, bloodying it, as Darth hangs Highwayman over the ropes between the two rings. Grimm summons Darth over as the two set up Howler for their feared spike piledriver finisher.
Monroe: BUHGAWB! They just sent Howler STRAIGHT TO HELL!
*The Dark Lords then begin working over Highwayman, as the countdown begins again. Dusty signals to the back as Del Castillo's "Back From the Grave" starts up and El Superbeasto, alongside Louie Bastardo walks down to ringside.
Superbeasto climbs into the cage and the Dark Lords attack him, shrugging off their blows, the fresh Giant hits a double chokeslam on both Dark Lords! Superbeasto then begins dropping Giant Elbows on each Dark Lord in succession as Howlerama begin to recover.
The Company men join the Giant in working over the Dark Lords. The trio wrapped up their foes in the lasso as the countdown hit again and Superbeasto walked over to the cage doorway.
"Real Englishman" began as Hollywood Nogan ran down to ringside! Lothar opened the cage and Nogan slid into the ring, ducking under a Superbeasto clothesline! Nogan hit Superbeasto with a lowblow and wrapped his feather boa around the giant's neck, strangling him!
Howlerama attempted to head over, but Nogan shrugged them off with a series of punches and bodyslams! He signaled to the screaming fans and lifted up El Superbeasto for a massive bodyslam!
Monroe: He slammed the giant!
MarcuM: It was a hiptoss!
Nogan tries to go for a legdrop, but the Howlers hit him with a Kapitalizm, taking him down! The Dark Lords revive and jump back into the fray as the countdown begins again!
Ben Harper's "Faded" cues up as the IC Champ, Joe Mama, heads down to the ring with a smirk on his face. Mama tosses his belt to Louie Bastardo at ringside and heads into the ring, pounding on Nogan.
Mama makes his way around, hitting Enforcers on each member of the opposing team, attempting to further weaken them. He signals for Superbeasto to head to the top as he prepares to deliver a Flying Teabag Slam onto Nogan.
Mama hits the move onto Nogan as the countdown begins again. Superbeasto makes his way to the top just as "Let's Get It Started" begins and Capt. Sammitch runs down to ringside!
Sammitch rushes in and pushes Superbeasto off of the top rope! The Giant Luchadore hits the mat, and Sammitch begins kicking his head in just as Joe Mama zeroes in on him. Mama hits Sammitch from behind with a chopblock, taking him down to his knees. He begins working over Sammitch with punches to the face!
Nogan staggers to his feet as Superbeasto grabs onto the top of the cage and ensnares him with his feet. Executing a giant huracanrana, he flips Nogan into the other ring! He then follows up with a Giantsault onto the former rWoer!
Monroe: IT'S CARNAGE!
MarcuM: THERE ARE NO WINNERS! ONLY SURVIVORS!
The countdown finishes and Everclear's "When It All Goes Wrong Again" starts up as King Snarf and Grace head down to ringside. Snarf strolls into the ring, and takes his time picking his foe. He pays for it, however, as Grimm hits him from behind with an inverted ddt! Grimm punches away at the former champ, attempting to wear him down early.
He's pulled off by Superbeasto, however, and dragged into a corner as both Snarf and Joe Mama begin taking turns baseball sliding into him as Superbeasto holds him down.
MarcuM: Look at that teamwork, Monroe! How could you say there was dissension in the Family?
Monroe: I have to admit, they are working together very well!
Nogan hits Snarf with a Fucking Cuntline and tries to set Joe up for a Fuck Off Slam! But Howler rocks him from behind with a forearm! Howler turns just as Darth comes flying over the ropes and clotheslines him down to the mat!
*The final countdown begins as "We Will Rock You" begins. The fans sing along as PenWing comes barreling down the rampway with his sherwood in hand. Dropping the Big Cheese title, he slides into the ring and nails Snarf with a British Columbia Two Hander!
Monroe: The last man is in the ring! The climax of Wargasms is on the way!
cont.
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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King Snarf zeroes in on PenWing. The two lock up. Snarf tries for a suplex, but Penwing blocks it and institutes a suplex of his own. Snarf rolls over to the other ring before getting to his feet. As Penwing tries to cross over, Snarf runs in and hits him with a forearm across the head. He grabs the champ by the hair and pulls him over. Snarf clubs Penwing in the back of the neck. He kicks Penwing in the midsection. The champs rolls onto his back in the ring. Snarf prances a bit in the ring before leaping into the air for a devestating elbow drop. But Penwing moves out of the way as Snarf comes crashing down. Quick back into the battle, Penwing begins a barrage against his opponent. The champ takes full advantage of the steel cage and whips Snarf into it every chance he gets.
Joe turns away from Sammitch and climbs a tunrbuckle. As Penwing releases Snarf from another whip, Joe comes flying into the second ring and slams down onto the Champ with and ax handle chop. As Penwing lies on the floor, Joe begins working on his knee with kicks. When King Snarf comes to his senses, he comes over and picks Penwing off the floor. The two use the ropes between the rings to tie up his arms. The two begin to work over a helpless Penwing for several moments.
MarcuM: See? I told you they would get along fine! They're taking the chucklehead apart!
Meeko heads down to ringside and slips Sammitch's bo staff into the ring through one of the holes in the cage. As Joe Mama turns to celebrate, Sammitch nails him with a Staff Meeting and follows up with a Sammitch Slam!
Nogan tries to lock Superbeasto in the Crippler Cuntface, but the Giant powers out of it. Snarf attempts to lock PenWing in the headlock, but the Dark Lords hit the former champ with a double clothesline!
Sammitch tries for his series of Sammitch Suplexes but Howlerama nail him with a pair of running clotheslines!
From across the two rings, PenWing and Grimm lock eyes. They look at each other for a moment before picking their targets.
MarcuM: What was that?
Monroe: I think they have a plan, Madman!
In one ring, PenWing locks Snarf in the Sharpshooter, while in the other Grimm applies the Grimmlock to Howler!
Monroe: Double submission moves!
MarcuM: Oh, man, this is awful!
The Family Business members hold on as Darth and Nogan attempt to keep their teammates from breaking the holds. King Snarf is yelling in pain as Louie and Grace yell for him to hold on.
"Hey Champ!"
PenWing looks up as the voice calls to him. He sees Joe Mama standing atop the turnbuckles, Sammitch positioned for a brainbuster. The turnbuckle pads have been removed.
JM: "What's more important to you, PenWing? Winning the match, or your friend?"
PenWing looks in on horror as he realizes Joe will execute the move before the Family Business members will submit.
JM: "Call the match. Or I finish Sammitch right here."
PW: "Okay. We quit. It's over."
PenWing releases Snarf as Joe drops Sammitch to the mat as the bell sounds.
MarcuM: It's over, Monroe! I told you the Family had no problems!
Monroe: I can't believe it ends like this. Fans, this is horrible.
PenWing helps Sammitch up as the cage doors are opened. Meeko aids the duo out of the ring as Nogan and the Dark Lords reluctantly follow, visibly pissed off.
Outside the ring, the Family Business is celebrating. Howlerama, Charlie, Slick and his divas, Balls, the Legbreakers, Johnny Evil and Ariel, Superbeasto, Louie and Grace are all jubilant at ringside.
Inside the ring, Snarf is playing up the crowd and posing. Across the ring from him, Joe Mama stands looking around. His face has an aggravated look. He asks for a mic and James White hands one into him.
JM: "You see, it's like I've always said. The Family is indestructible with King Snarf as the Crown Jewel and Joe Mama as the Enforcer!"
KS: "Joe. . .Joe, I forgive you for eliminating me earlier tonight. After the show tonight, we'll work out who gets the title match at SummerScam. Let's shake."
Snarf holds out his hand to Joe. Joe takes his hand and shakes it. As Snarf moves to let go, Joe pulls him back in and hits him with a devastating clothesline! Joe works him over and goes for an Enforcer!
Monroe: BUHGAWB! I told you they weren't getting along!
MarcuM: What is he doing?!
He tosses Snarf out of the cage as the Family Business looks on in bewilderment. Joe leaves the cage as Louie approaches him.
LB: "What the hell are you doing?! Have you lost your damn mind?!"
Joe grabs Louie by the lapels and pulls him into his face.
JM: "Take your collection of disappointments and go to hell, Louie!"
Wargasms draws to a close as Joe leaves the ring area with the shocked Family members outside the ring.
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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