RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 8.16.05

Monroe: Buhgawb, do we have a show for you tonight, folks!

Marcum: The Legbreakers finally get a one-on-one shot at the World Tag Team Titles!

Monroe: One-on-one?

Marcum: What would you call it?

Monroe: Good point. But what do you make of the this "Doctor's Orders" match between the former Family Enforcer and the Company Pitbull?

Marcum: I've heard some rumors about this, but we won't know anything until Joe Mama tells us what it is!

Monroe: Whatever it is, can Charlie survive?

Marcum: Charlie will be just fine! Joe Mama is the one who's going to need a doctor after this!

Monroe: Plus, PenWing will face his former SDC teammate, James Fantastic, in a non title match!

Marcum: PinkyWinky vs. Jimmy Faboo! It's a fairy fight! I love it!

Monroe: All that and more! Don't go anywhere, the Havoc starts now!

World Tag Titles single choice

Allied Powers (Champs) (84%, 16 Votes)

Legbreakers (16%, 3 Votes)

Total Votes: 19 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-01 5:03 PM

"Doctor's Orders" Match single choice

Charlie (42%, 8 Votes)

Joe Mama (58%, 11 Votes)

Total Votes: 19 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-01 5:03 PM

Women's Division single choice

Meeko (21%, 4 Votes)

Lor (79%, 15 Votes)

Total Votes: 19 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-01 5:03 PM

Heavyweight Division single choice

King Snarf (30%, 6 Votes)

Pig Iron (70%, 14 Votes)

Total Votes: 20 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-01 5:03 PM

Mismatch Mayhem single choice

2 Ton Tommy (16%, 3 Votes)

Spandex Monkey Man (84%, 16 Votes)

Total Votes: 19 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-01 5:03 PM

Grudge Match single choice

Ian Bond (68%, 13 Votes)

The Killer (32%, 6 Votes)

Total Votes: 19 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-01 5:03 PM

Former SDC Grudge Match single choice

PenWing (58%, 11 Votes)

James Fantastic (42%, 8 Votes)

Total Votes: 19 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-01 5:03 PM

**We fade in to a hallway outside the Bond Brigade dressing room,where the Crotch is standing by with Ian Bond,who looks like he wants to rip someone's head off with his bare hards.***

Crotch:Ian,tonight you're stepping out of your manager's role to take on the Killer,and the question on everyone's mind is:Why are you donning the tights again after all this time?
Ian:Last Wednesday the Killer,whoever the bloody hell he is under that infernal mask,committed what can only be described as an act of war against the Brigade--he flagrantly assaulted Mario Barini and attacked me as well,and honor demands that I make that masked scoundrel pay for his crimes.
Crotch:Ian,at Summerscam,your protege Chris Oakley has a match of his own against the Killer...how does tonight's bout impact on that event?
Ian:I intend to give my opponent a foretaste of the solid thrashing he can expect at Christopher's hands--rest assured,his ill treatment of Mr.Oakley has not been overlooked.In fact,if anything it will give me extra incentive to defeat the Killer.
Crotch:That's it from this end...let's check in with Chesty LeRou,who's backstage right now with the Killer.

Cut to Chesty and the Killer.

CHESTY:Killer,you seem to have started a one-man war against the entire Bond Briga---
KILLER(interrupting,talking in his usual electronically distorted voice):Shut up,bitch!Oakley started this war years ago in ACW,but I'll finish it at Summerscam!Tonight's match with Ian Bond is just a means to an end...once I've gotten rid of Bond,sent Mario Barini to whatever backwater Italian farm he came from,and crushed Los Monstros Azules,Oakley's gonna get plucked like a ripe chicken.
CHESTY:You promised to reveal your true identity at Summerscam...
KILLER:That I did--when Summerscam is over,and Oakley's lying in the middle of the ring broken beyond all hope,I'll pull my mask off and let him see the face of the man who ended his RDCW career.(Lets out an electronically distorted sinister laugh)
CHESTY:What about your title aspirations?
KILLER:That's for me to know and you to fi--

A cricket bat suddenly slams across Killer's back;camera pans to an infuriated Mario Barino,who's kicking the fallen masked man without mercy.

MARCUM:Holy shit,Barini's gone psycho!
MONROE:Mario Barini's getting some payback on the Killer for last week's assault....OHHH!An F-5 on the concrete floor!And Barini still won't let up on the masked man!He's pummeling Killer with a barrage of closed fists!

Los Monstros Azules arrive to break up the melee;trying to calm down an irate Barini,they shepherd him back to the Bond Brigade dressing room while Chesty and a half-dozen Cheesedome security personnel help the Killer to his own dressing room.As we fade to commercial,the camera zooms on a tantalizing glimpse of the back of the Killer's now-unmasked head.

Backstage, The Crotch is interviewing Spandex Monkey Man.

Crotch: Las time we saw you, SPAMM, you'd just be beaten over the head by Big Fat Elvis, Ariel's new bodyguard. What have you got to say about that?

SPAMM: All I have to say is this: SPANDEX MONKEY MAAAAAAAAN!!

Crotch: Er...okay. What about your match against Two Ton Tommy tonight?

SPAMM: Since I lost my lightweight belt, I'll admit I've lost focus. So, to combat this, I've decided to go back to basics and pick a fight with a guy twice my size and twice my bodyweight! And there's something else...

Crotch: And what might that be?

SPAMM: Charlie's started throwing around phrases like 'Extreme' and 'Hardcore', and Fantastic joined in last week as well. Let me tell you, there's only two lightweight wrestlers in RDCW who have any RIGHT to talk about Extreme Wrestling. One's Johnny Evil, and the other is me. OOK OOK ACK EEK!

Crotch starts to back away as SPAMM breaks into a full routine of his Monkey Guy moves, including a rather bizarre dance. Just as Crotch is about to blot, SPAMM grabs the mic

SPAMM: Two-Ton Tommy, Jimmy Fantastic, They say a Leopard chaneges it's spot, and neither does a Bastardo. I don't trust you, and I don't trust Penwing for trusting you! Step outta line, just once, and I'll crush you the way I crushed Johnny Evil to take the title! SPANDEX MONKEY MAAAAAN!

*James White is in the ring about to make an announcement, when Grimm steps into the ring and snatches the mic from his hands. Grimm is dressed in his street clothes, jeans, motorcycle boots, and a black tshirt that simply reads: Violence. Grimm shoves White aside and speaks.

Get out of the ring, you pissant little, two bit, bingo calling wannabe. I've got something to say.

White pauses, looking at Grimm like "What'd I do?" Grimm just stares at him until he steps out of the ring. Grimm begins pacing in the ring, mic in hand.

I'm. Pissed. Off.

You see, all day long today, I've been in the back with the suits that run RDCW. The gist of which is, that after last week's incident with Pig Iron, I am now suspended from the ring until SummerScam. I've been suspended for bad behavior, apparently. Because last week, Pig Iron and the MONSTER brought back the VIOLENCE!!!

*Crowd cheers.

After the bloodbath last week, I was taken aside and told that if the Dark Lords had a nice, safe match with Bibbo and I-Man that we would be up for a Tag Team Title match at SummerScam! Well, the Dark Lords don't play it safe, and Punch/Counterpunch became just another pair of victims on our path of destruction!

Long story short, the boys in the back decided to take away our title match. Well, that's fine with me. Because I know that down the line, we WILL get our match. And we WILL win the titles. Allied Powers, you're not safe. No one in RDCW is safe. The Dark Days are coming.

Now I don't know what kind of deal Pig Iron made with the suits, but I see that not only is he wrestling tonight, but he's in a heavyweight division match against the former Big Cheese Champ!

Something in Roboken smells of moldy cheese! I don't know what carrots the Doctor and Rob dangled in front of Piggy, and I don't care! Because tonight, someone is going to feel the VIOLENCE!!!

*Crowd cheers again.

Now, back to SummerScam and business at hand. Everyone's asking me, "What's your problem with Pig Iron? Why are you two trying to kill each other?"

The answer is real simple: I don't have a problem with Pig Iron. I quite like him, actually. I've known him for a long time and we have very similar points of view about a lot of things. One of those things that we agree on is that it's become a little too "safe" around here! Nobody wants to shake things up anymore!

So last week, we took it upon ourselves to come out here and raise the bar again! And that's just what we did. And we'll do it again.

So, no, I don't hate Pig Iron. I don't want to hurt him. I want to help him. And that's just what I'm going to do. You see, Pig Iron's problem is that he is a restless soul, wandering though life searching for meaning. And through the gift of violence, I am going to provide him with that meaning. Meaning and purpose.

These are what I will bring to Pig Iron's life. By beating the living hell out of him at SummerScam!

Because I did get one thing out of the little meeting today. This!

*Grimm pulls a contract out of his back pocket and holds it up.

SummerScam. Grimm. Pig Iron. Texas Death Match.

*The crowd goes wild. The announcers gasp.

Monroe: Oh my Gob! We've never had a Texas Death Match here in RDCW!

MarcuM: I don't even know what that is! Can we even have a Texas Death Match in Roboken?

Monroe: Apparently we're going to!

At SummerScam, Pig Iron is going to be forged anew in the flames of destiny. And Darkness will reign over the RDCW.

*Grimm tosses the mic to the ground and walks out of the ring, amidst a mixed reaction from the crowd.

*The Crotch is standing next to Lor backstage.*

Crotch: Lor, after your loss at WarGasms, I gotta ask, is your bark bigger than your bite?

*Lor doesn't bother glancing at the Crotch as she kicks him in the groin. This time, a 'clunk' is heard, as the Crotch is wearing a cup.*

Crotch: I figured you'd try that again.

Lor: <giggles> How about this?

*Lor stomps on the Crotch's foot, causing him to yelp in pain. As the crotch lowers his head, Lor leaps up, grabs it, and executes Punch & Judy. With the Crotch knocked out, Lor bends down and picks up the mic.*

Lor: Meeko, hunny, you may not want to admit your mistake in bringing me here, but deep down, you know it was just that. A big mistake! I will OWN the women's division! It doesn't matter how many of you I have to go through before I get my one-on-one title shot. I will get it, and I will win the Boobie Belt. And you, <points to the camara> Sneaky Bunny, when I do strip you of your precious title, I'll see to it you won't be capable of a rematch for a long, super long time.

*Lor throws down the mic and seductively walks off. The camera cuts to ringside.*

Monroe: Buhbawb! Lor is insane!

Marcum: At least we finally get to see justice tonight when the lone she-wolf pays Meeko back for brining her here!

Monroe: You won't be this happy when it's Sneaky Bunny taking in Punch & Judy!

Marcum: You're always worrying about the Bastardo's, Mouth. Maybe you're not such a bad guy after all.

Monroe: Uh...thanks, Madman. We'll be right back.

*Some more familiar music,albeit altered,hits*

James White: "Making his way to the ring...Nodenreichhhhhhhh!"

*"Noden-Nodenreich,Noden-Nodenreich" the theme music plays as Nowhereman makes his way to the ring doing a strange march,wearing big gloves,red shorts & a spikey blonde wig! He also has some crappy,hand drawn tattoos on his body!*

Nodenreich:"Now I was backstage wondering who in the cheesedome wanted to be Nodenreichs friend!"

Marcum: "Why would anyone wanna be his friend?"

Nodenreich: "So while I was thinking,I decided to write a poem!"

Nodenreich pulls a piece of paper from the back of his shorts

Marcum: "Did he just pull that out of his ass?"

Monroe: "Errrr,I think he actually did!"

Nodenreich: "Heres my poem:

Nodenreich looked at the RDCW roster
He wanted to see,who could be his friend
He glanced through the names,and this is what he thought
King Snot,will he be my friend?
No,fuck off you cunt
Joe Mambo,will he be my friend?
No,fuck off you cunt
PenWimp,will he be my friend?
No,fuck off you cunt
Captain Sumbitch,will he be my friend?
No,fuck off you cunt
Chris Jokely,will he be my friend?
No,fuck off you cunt
El Stupidbreasto,will he be my friend?
No,fuck off you cunt
James Faghagdick,will he be my friend?
No,fuck off you cunt
Well,Nodenreich continued through the list
He realised they were all cunts
With only four people who were his friends
Grimm & Howdy were friends for years
But his other two friends were closer than that
His left fist & his right fist were his greatest friends
And,no he isnt talking about wanking
So fuck off you cunts!

That was a poem by Nodenreich!"

*The music hits again,and Nodenreich walks off*

Monroe: "Well that was strange,but I dont think it will sit well with the superstars backstage!"

Marcum: "How can he call King Snarf a cunt?"

Monroe: "Oh,that I can understand!"

Backstage, King Snarf Rules is interviewing Joe Mama...

KSR: Joe Mama, last week you lost the Inter-Cunt-Inental Title to MisterJLA when you and PenWing - the so-called "Unholy Alliance" - were defeated by the Allied Powers. A quick end to what might have been an amazing tag team. You're thoughts on your defeat?

JM: You're wondering if I'm angry to have lost the title? If I'm mad at the Doctor for booking what was essentially a three-on-one handicap match? Are you asking me if this deepend my grudge against PenWing for his role in the loss? Is that what you're asking me?

KSR: Well...I, uh...that is...

JM: The simple answer is "no". Doc books the matches he books. He doesn't care about egos, alliances, or any of that bullshit. What he cares about is making the type of show that the RDCW fans want to see. I can't fault him for making the match he did. I'm just going to decimate his roster, one wrestler at a time.

PenWing? Well, who can blame him for not coming out with me to my music? He dislikes me and I dislike him. Of COURSE his ego would cause him to forget that we walk out to mine and walk back with the Tag Titles to his! He needs to hear his music as bad as someone like Grimm needs to believe he's still a scary monster - it soothes the ego and makes him feel important. I'm not mad at PenWing for helping us lose the match - I'm just going to take his Heavyweight Cheese Title at SummerScam and give him a brutal hurting in the process.

And of course I'm not upset about losing the Inter-Cunt-Inental Title! I've lost it before! I can always regain it! Plus, it allows me to focus on preparing for my SummerScam match with no other distractions. I guess I should thank MisterJLA and Captain Howdy for their roles in the loss. Remind me to show them how grateful I am later...

KSR: You're taking your losses in stride, Joe Mama...

JM: Because I realize the truth about the RDCW and what it means to be a champion. Title reigns end. It's just the way of things. My Inter-Cunt-Inental title reign ended last week. At SummerScam, PenWing's Heavyweight Cheese title reign will end. Empires rise, and then they fall. Just ask Louie Bastardo and Family Business.

KSR: Speaking of which, you have a "Doctor's Orders" Match against the Company Pitbull, Charlie, tonight. No one knows what that type of match entails. Can you shed some light on the subject?

JM: First of all, I've gotta ask Louie: How sad is it that the least of your Family is the only one who responded to my comments? What does it say that the "Crown Jewel" - the "great" King Snarf - kept his mouth shut like a little bitch while I shredded Family Business? Was he even in attendance? Or was he too busy praying that I wouldn't come looking for him and give him the ass-kicking that he so richly deserves? Do you get it now, Louie? You're precious Family is crumbling under the weight of its own laziness and complacency. Your "Crown Jewel" is farther away from title contention than ever and the rest of your group cares just slightly more. Enjoy extinction, Louie.

Now, Charlie, you showed a lot of heart by calling me out. I don't take that away from you. But let's be honest: you spent more time in your worthless feud with James Fantastic than you ever spent running for a title. Where's your hunger when the Hardcore Title is out of Family hands? How many chances did you blow for the Lightweight Title? You've done a lot of talking about how you beat up James Fantastic, but what did it bring you? What did it bring the Family? That's right - nothing. You're a lot of mouth and very little actual achievement, Company Bitch.

Tonight, you get a chance to face off against one of this promotion's big dogs. I guess it's safe for you now that there's no titles on the line, right Charlie? No title means no chance to choke, right Charlie? But it's not that safe or easy, Charlie. Doctor's Orders...no ring, no pins, no submissions, no DQ, no ten-count. The match takes place wherever we take it, weapons are encouraged, and it doesn't end until a doctor or some medical staff declares one of the competitors physically AND medically unfit to compete further. Long story short, Charlie: you better have a doctor attached at your hip. Because I'm going to punish you until the entire medical profession begs me to stop.

KSR: With no DQ, what's to stop other members of Family Business, or ANY wrestler for that matter, from getting involved?

JM: Boy, I half-way hope that someone tries to interfere. Let me make it plain and simple: you get involved, you get injured. If Louie wants to stand by his man tonight, great. I've been looking to pound some sense into him for weeks. Superbeasto? Bring it, big man - and I'll hurt you in ways that'll make you useless to a woman. Legbreakers...Johnny Evil...Howlerama...WHOEVER! Get involved, get hurt.

KSR: You left out King Snarf...

JM: No I didn't. We both know that the Family Diva doesn't like to get his hands dirty. And we all know that he's still trying to recover from what happened last year. Did you know that he stills looks both ways for, like, five minutes before he crosses any street out of fear that he'll get run down again? No, I don't see King Snarf as any kind of threat.

KSR: You sound confident. Any final words?

JM: Charlie, you have amazing potential. If things were different, I would've been proud to have you as my Enforcer. But, tonight, the Company Bitch gets disciplined. Tonight, your career gets cut drastically short. Have your insurance paid up, boy because, tonight, I'm going to cripple you and your Family Business.

KSR: Strong words from the ex-Family Enforcer. Back to you, guys...

*On the Cheese-O-Tron, PenWing is seen entering the Cheesedome from the parking lot. The crowd cheers as Chesty Lerou runs up to him, mic in hand.*

Chesty: PenWing, any thoughts on your loss last week that cost Joe Mama the Inter-Cunt-Inental Title?

PenWing: Unfortunately, things didn't got quite as planned. I thought we had that match well in hand, but the way things unfolded, we actually played right into the Allied Powers hands.

Chesty: By events, do you mean your not coming out together to the same entrance music?

*PenWing has a look of confusion on his face.*

PenWing: What?

Chesty: In an interview just before you arrived, Joe said you were supposed to go out to the ring with his music, and leave with yours. He said you left him out there in a handicapped situation.

PenWing: Huh. Well, I guess that goes to show that anyone can learn to whine like Louie Bastardo if they stick around him too long. Fact is, Joe wanted to go out first. I was told to wait for my music to hit by one of the stagehands, so I did. As for the end of the match, we had agreed that we would leave to the winner's music.

But all of this is irrelavant. Joe let JLA get the better of him when he started celebrating in the ring after his minor confrontation with Charlie. There is no celebration until the match is won. Joe kinda got lost in the moment, and JLA gave him a wake-up call.

Chesty: Speaking of waking up, last week, you had to wake up to a new SDC, one without the Tuesday Night Rockers. This week, you face James Fantastic in a one-on-one match. How will you approach this match against your former ally?

PenWing: It's time James learned a harsh lesson in reality. He talks about how Snarf was about to tap out of the Sharpshooter. He talks about how the match was won. The truth is, Snarf may be a whiney bastard, but he's still one of the toughest wrestlers I have ever faced in the ring. If I say he still had something left, even with the Sharpshooter locked in, then he still had something left.

Tonight, I'm going to conduct a little experiment on James. I'm going to lock him into the Sharpshooter, and he's going to have two options. Option A, he can tap out, just like he said Snarf was about to do. Option B, he can pass out, which is what Snarf was most likely going to do. Snarf passing out was not going to win the WarGasms match. With so much goining on, I highly doubt the ref would have called the match just because someone passed out. Someone needed to quit. Tonight, we'll see just how fantastic James is. Will he pass out, or will he tap out?

*PenWing looks directly into the camera.*

Tonight, Mr. Fantastic, we'll see how quickly you quit.

*PenWing walks towards his locker room.*

Chesty: Will James Fantastic tap out tonight, or will it be PenWing who gets a rude awakening when he faces his former ally? Back to ringside with Monroe and Marcum.

'Highway to Hell' plays, and Charlie hits the ring to the hearty boos of the crowd. He ignores them, merely contenting himself with headbutting James White and taking his mic. He enters the ring, and speaks

Charlie: So, Joe wants to know where my hunger is, huh? He's so keen to know why I haven't brought home the Hardcore Porn Title to the Bastardo Family? You wanna know why, Jerkoff? I'll tell you why. That would mean facing Captain Howdy, and that would mean not destryoying you and sending you to the graveyard. THAT is why I haven't got the Hardcore Title, and that, scumbag, is gonna change tonight!

Monroe: Charlie certainly isn't scared of Joe Mama!

Marcum: That's because Charlie knows he's gonna win! With Louie Bastardo in his corner he's unbeatable!

Charlie: You say you're not gonna stop until the entire medical profession begs you to? Well, boy, when I crush your body and soul, I'm bnot gonna stop when the doctors beg me to. I'm willing to go that one step further, and I will only stop when I rip your still-beating heart of your body and beat it into the ground!

Monroe: BUHGAWD! Charlie actually seriously wants to kill Joe Mama!

Marcum: He's just dedicated! You don't piss off the Company Pitbull!

Charlie: Tonight, Joe, your career ends. Call your parents, call your girlfriend, call any and all of your loved ones, because after tonight you will never see them again! Tonight, you walk the Pitbull Line!

Backstage, The Company is watching Charlie on a monitor in the locker room. Howler is clearly amused, but Balls and Highwayman lloked more than a littl perturbed

Howler: Well, I'll say this for Charlie. He certainly knows how to cut a promo, eh?

Highwayman: I'd applaud his bravery, but since he's gonna kill himself tonight I don't think I'll bother, thanks.

Howler: Look, you've seen how badass Charlie is, right? Joe Mama shoots his mouth off, but we all know how dangerous he really is. Don't worry, something tells me Charlie's gonna walk away with the victory tonight.

Highwayman:What makes you so certain, boss?

Howler cuff Highwayman over the back of the head

Howler: 'Cos we'll cheat, dumbass! Joe might be nasty, but nobody stands up to Hostile Takeover

Highwayman: True, true. But something tells me Charlie won't be pleased, you know how he gets. And suppose that damn baseball bat makes an appearance

Howler grins

Howler: My dear Highwayman! If you cut us, do we not bleed?

Highwayman grins, evilly

Highwayman: No.

Camera shows The Hardcore Legend and Champion Captain Howdy standing in the ring with a microphone. The ring is filled with steel chairs, garbage cans, baseball bats, and objects that appear to have come from a junkyard. The ring ropes have police "Do Not Cross" tape wrapped around them.


Howdy: Hello, gits! Tonight you are lucky enough to witness the first, and probably only edition of "The Captain's Corner!"

And it's only right that my guest is...MisterJLA!

Rob's Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music plays, and MisterJLA takes the ramp. The crowd instantly shows their disapproval with boos and "asshole" chants. He has his share of the World Tag Team Championships around his waist, with the DCMB Title thrown over his left shoulder, with his newly won IntercuntInental title thrown over his right shoulder. Allied Power butler Jeeves follows him toward the ring. JLA steps through the ropes and looks at the mess in the ring. He shakes his head in dismay. Howdy hands him an extra mic...

JLA (Looking at a fan in the front row) That's right buddy, I am number one!

Howdy: I don't think that's what he means by using that finger! Anyway, on with the show!

Captain Howdy looks into the camera, and begins to speak in a monotone.

Howdy: MisterJLA, you never did talk about your glorious win at WarGasms. You pinned five wrestlers that night. How did you do it?

JLA: WOW! You sure do ask tough questions, Howdy!

Howdy: I was just reading off the cue card, you twat!

JLA places his hand over Howdy's mic

JLA: Play along, tosser!

JLA: Uh...anyway, yes, I did pin *5* wrestlers at WarGasms in the Elimination Chamber: Pig Iron, The Hulk, URG, Chris Oakley, and my nemesis Balls Nasty all fell victim to my wrestling prowess. All of them either wanted to main me, make me submit, take my belt, or do all three, but nothing of the sort happened. It was my first RDCW PPV, and I showed everyone what I'm made of!

Howdy: Shit!

The crowd erupts in laughter.

JLA What did you say?

Howdy: I said "Shit!" I just stepped on some tacks. Oh...you thought I said that about you!

JLA: Forget it.

JLA: Anyhow, WarGasms wasn't a complete success. I did slip, and fall over the top rope in the MOD Battle Royale. And I did have to fire harleykwin.

Howdy: But she did give you a nice kick to the goolies!

Again, the crowd erupts in laughter. JLA's face turns red with anger.

JLA: It was a cheap shot if I ever saw one! Plus, she was just mad because I kicked her out of the Powers! I tried to make a champion out of her, but it didn't happen right away, so I dropped her faster than the WWE dropped Owen Hart!

The crowd boos JLA's insensitive remark.

JLA: Oh, come on. Like I was saying, I dropped her. If I wanted to invest more time in her, she could've been a champion. Because as we all know, I do have the Midas Touch: everything I touch, turns to Gold! Just look at you, Howdy!

The crowd lets out an "Ohhhhh"

Howdy: What the FUCK is that supposed to mean, gimp?

JLA: It means that despite your years of experience, you NEVER held a title until I took you under my wing. Since I let you be my tag partner, you gained forty pounds, and I don't mean British currency!

Howdy: Forty pounds?

JLA: Yes: the Tag Title weighs 20 pounds, and so does The Hardcore Porn Title!

Howdy:

Howdy: You had nothing to do with me getting the Hardcore Porn title!

JLA: I had everything to do with it. I showed you how to be a winner AND I helped you in your first title defense. You had a very easy defense, since Balls Nasty was practically beat by the time the match started. I put him through a glass chamber the week before at WarGasms, so he was in no shape to compete that night.

You know, Howdy...you never did thank me for softening him up. Or thank my country for saving your country's ass in WWII.

How about a simple "Thank You"?

Howdy is boiling with anger.

Howdy: Better yet, how about a FUCK YOU! You interview yourself! Gibbon!

Captain Howdy storms off, leaving Jeeves and MisterJLA in the ring.

JLA: Shoot. Guess I *do* have to interview myself. So Champ, last week you took the IC Championship from Joe Mama. How did that feel?

JLA: Glad you asked. It was terrific! Joe Mama and PenWing, the supposed top two individual wrestlers in this company, couldn't knock off the Greatest Tag Team of All Time! AND, I picked up a shiny new title in the process: The Inter-Cunt-Inental Championship! I now have three belts, and made Joe Mama my bitch yet again! I heard him downplay last week earlier, but he's got to be pissed that this is the second time I took a belt from him, the first being when Howdy and I defeated him and his ex-boyfriend King Snarf for the Tag Gold!

JLA: Speaking of gold, MisterJLA: tonight you can add a *fourth* title to your collection: The RDLL Tag Championships, held by the Legbreakereseseseseses 4 Hire!

JLA: Good point! The RDLL is a dying, joke federation, but I'll gladly merge their belts with ours.

As for the Legbreakereseseseseses 4 Hire, I wouldn't hire those guys to wash my car, much less break someone's legs. They will lose...badly tonight.

JLA: Final question, champ, or should I say "champs"?

JLA: (Still reading from the cue card) Good one, Howdy. (Recovering) I mean, JLA. Fire away.

JLA: What's the deal with Chesty? Didn't she give the "thumbs down" gesture when she heard your name during a recent Dark Lords interview?

JLA: That poor girl has been brainwashed by Darth. Her association with him is the Devil's work! Repent Chesty, repent!

I haven't given up on her. Maybe if I kick Darth's ass, his voodoo witchcraft spell over her will be broken!

I may have to try that...but for tonight, I'll have to be happy with adding one more title to the JLA Trophy Room!

Cut to commercial...

*Havoc comes back from break to see the ring cleaned up and decked out with pink and black tiling. There are two vinyl cushioned stools and mic stands in the center of the ring.*

Monroe: Welcome back, folks. While we were at break, the ring was cleaned up-

Marcum: And redecorated, in pink! What in Gob's name is going on here?

*"Strike It Up" starts playing, and the fans cheer Meeko, sporting her usual pink pinstriped black buisiness suit, as she makes her way to the ring. Meeko does a little curtsie before taking one of the mics in her hand.*

Meeko: Welcome to the premiere of Meeko's Mic Night!

*Huge pops from the crowd.*

Marcum: Meeko's Mic Night? What, another interview show?

Monroe: Any interview show is better than the last one, or, for that matter, Louie's Lounge.

Marcum: You keep Louie out of this!

Meeko: Now, just so everyone knows, unlike a certain other RDCW talk show, this show isn't about the host, even if my name is in the title! This is Meeko's Mic Night! I invite guests to come down to the ring, have a seat, and take that mic right over there (Meeko points to the other mic). They talk, and we listen. Of course, I'll still ask some questions along the way, but for now, I'd like to turn the mic over to someone else. Some of you like him, some of you hate him, but I think everyone can agree that this man is one of the toughest competitors in the RDCW today. Ladies and Gentlemen, the very first guest on Meeko's Mic Night, Chris Oakley!

*"Rooster" hits, and Chris Oakley makes his way to the ring to the cheers of the crowd.*

Marcum: Oakley? Couldn't she have at least gotten someone entertaining?

Monroe: Oakley's got a lot to talk about right now!

Marcum: Sure he does, but do we really want to listen?

*Oakley takes the empty seat and pulls the mic into his hand.*

Chris: Thanks, Meeko....it's an honor to be part of Mic Night's debut. (Brief pause) Now, you may have noticed that my manager Ian Bond isn't with me. But there are two good reasons for that--one, he's getting ready for a match against the Killer later tonight, and two, he's gathering up video footage for me to check out so I can be ready to take on the Killer at SummerScam.

Meeko: Chris, it's my understanding that you've been feuding with the Killer for six years. The question everyone wants to answered is, who is this guy? I mean, speaking as a manager for a moment, six years is a long time to be feuding with someone without knowing who he really is. Just how close have you come to learning his true identity?

Chris: Just before Evil Cunt Wrestling went out of business, I had a table match against the Killer in which I managed to get his mask lifted up just far enough to see a "NO FEAR" tattoo on the back of his neck, but before I could take the mask off completely his manager nailed me in the back with a tennis racket and I ended up on the losing end of that bout.

*Chris holds up metal attache case for the camera.*

Chris: With that in mind, I'm now offering $100,000 in cash to any RDCW superstar who wants to help me unmask the Killer after I beat him at Summerscam.

Meeko: That's quite a reward you're offering, Chris. And I'm sure the true reward will be finally defeating your long-time foe. Is there anything else you want to add while the mic is still open?

Chris: Just this: Killer, I'm go-

*Just then, Killer slips into the ring and spears Oakley, cutting him off in mid-sentence. Meeko quickly slips out of the ring as the Killer pounds his fists into Oakley's gut preventing him from catching his breath.*

Monroe: Buhgawb! The Killer is an animal!

Marcum: No, he's a killer, and right now, he's killing Oakley!

Monroe: That would be fine if he Meeko wouldn't be in danger!

Marcum: In danger? You call standing outside the ring being in danger?

*Oakley manages to deliver a low blow to the Killer with his knee, and as the Killer backs off, Oakley rolls out of the ring and slowly crawls towards the barrier. He uses it to get to his feet as the Killer picks up Oakley's fallen mic.*

Killer: What's that, Oakley? I couldn't hear you over the sound of my fists! But you'll hear more of me, when I take center stage next week on Meeko's Mic Night! We're going to see what a real highlight reel looks like when I talk about my own career!

*The Killer pauses as he turns to look at Meeko.*

Killer: How about it, Meeko? Or are you scared?

*Meeko smiles.*

Meeko: Scared, Killer? Of you? You may talk tough to the Bond Brigade. You may think it makes you more of a man to call Chesty a bitch. Hell, you're probably feeling really good about yourself right now after blind-siding Chris. And that's okay. I get that. But right now, you're talking to the manager of the Sudden (crowd joins in) Death Connection.

*The crowd roars, and Meeko waits for them quiet down.*

Meeko: You want to tell us about yourself? You want the chance to talk about your side of this feud? All right. You got it. Next week I'll be glad to turn the mic over to the Killer. Until then-

*Meeko drops the mic and starts walking up the ramp. "Strike It Up" starts playing, and the fans cheer her as she makes her way to the back.*

Monroe: Now that's a woman!

Marcum: I'll admit it, I'm impressed! But next week, Meeko will have to be in the ring with the Killer! ALONE! How tough will she look then?

*The camera shows Oakley slowly walking up the ramp and yelling at the Killer, still in the ring. Havoc goes to break.*

RDCW/RDLL Tag Team Title Unification Match: RDCW Tag Champion Allied Powers (MisterJLA/Captain Howdy) vs. RDLL Tag Champion The Leg Breakererses-4-Hire (Stupid Doog/Winged Creature)



Stupid Doog and Captain Howdy started the match off, and Doog wasted no time in trapping Howdy in the corner, and giving him Rabies!

Monroe: What a brutal series of punches in the corner! RABIES! RABIES! RABIES!

Marcum: I hope Howdy gets a shot for that after the match!

Monroe: Ugh. That was lame, Marcum.

Marcum: But I thought I saw Howdy foaming at the mouth!

Doog kept up the pressure, and hit Howdy with a series of high-impact maneuvers. At one point, MisterJLA tried to rush in to help his partner, but Winged Creature intercepted him, and caught him flush on the jaw with a dropkick.

Just as Doog was ready to hit Howdy with The Big Bark, Howdy delivered a thumb to the eye, dove to the Allied corner, and made the tag.

JLA tried to capitalize on a stunned Doog but ran right into a clothesline. Doog then missed an elbow drop and JLA followed up with stomps to Doog's chest.

JLA then picked up Doog, Irish whipped him to the ropes, dropped to the mat, and completed a...

Monroe: DROP TOE HOLD!



The DCMB and IC Champ appeared confident, and gave Doog a somewhat sloppy bodyslam.

Monroe: Eh. Not great on the delivery.

Marcum: But not too bad, either! He's definitely getting better!

Monroe: He couldn't get any worse after last week, though!

JLA then tried a few different suplexes, with mixed results. Deciding to wear his opponent down, JLA applied a full nelson, but he never really has it locked. After some time, Doog broke free by running JLA's back into the Legbreakers’ corner, where he made a much-needed tag to Winged Creature.

Winged Creature frustrated JLA by connecting with a series of aerial moves: a flying headscissors, a cross bodyblock, and a hurricanrana!



WC then Irish whipped JLA and went for another dropkick but JLA held the ropes, making WC miss him completely, and hit his head on the canvas on the way down.

JLA stumbled to the Allied Powers' corner, tagged in Howdy, and held Winged Creature as Howdy punched him.

JLA was forced out of the ring by the ref and Howdy unleashed a series of brutal power moves that hurt WC.

Fearing the worst, Doog rushed into the ring to help his partner, and JLA responded in kind. Soon, all four wrestlers were brawling in the ring.

Before long, Doog threw JLA over the top rope. Doog took this opportunity to catch an unsuspecting Captain Howdy with a German suplex.

Winged Creature and Doog then looked at each other and said, "It's time to Take Out the Trash!"

Monroe: They must be referring to their feared double team maneuver: "Taking Out the Trash"! Stupid Doog will baseball slide into Howdy's legs while Winged Creature will jump off the top rope to drop kick Howdy in the chest!

Marcum: Lothar's lost all control over this one!

WC climbed to the ropes, and Doog measured up Howdy for the baseball slide...but just as Doog went for his slide, JLA blindsided him with a running elbow to the head! WC still tried for the dropkick off the top rope, but Howdy ducked it at the last moment!

Monroe: Creature missed another dropkick, but this one was from the top rope!

JLA threw Doog out of the ring, and he then made a signal to Howdy. The Powers stood Winged Creature up, and both grabbed him by the throat. Next, they picked him up, and drove him into the mat with a double chokeslam.

Marcum: A double HowdySlam! Looks like another Allied victory!

JLA exited the ring; Howdy went for the cover, and earned the 3 count.

Doctor’s Orders Match: Joe Mama vs Charlie

“Highway To Hell” played as the crowd mercilessly booed Family Business’ representative. Or they would have if Charlie actually came to the ring. His music ended and “Faded” started. But Joe Mama was also a no-show. There was a confused rumbling in the crowd, and then…

Monroe: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m getting word from the back that this match has already started!

Marcum: I knew it! I knew those two wouldn’t want to wait until their start-time!!!

The Cheese-O-Tron comes on and we see Charlie and Joe Mama in the middle of trading punches. From the looks of the two, this match started about ten minutes ago. Neither man gives any ground or even tries to block the other’s punches. Charlie swings wildly, allowing Joe Mama to duck under it and spear Charlie. But, as Joe Mama drives him into the floor, Charlie starts pounding on the back of Joe Mama’s head with closed fists. Somehow, the two separate and both men reach for steel chairs, only to slam them into each other trying to get to their opponent. They drop their chairs and revert back to fists and kicks.

The fight continues down the hallway and, as they pass by the locker room of Family Business, Howlerama come out and start double-teaming Joe Mama. After pounding on him, they set him up and execute Consumerism. As they try to pick him up and hit him with the Hostile Takeover, Charlie steps in and starts yelling at his teammates.

Monroe: Charlie doesn’t seem too pleased at his teammates’ interference.

Marcum: Of course not! He doesn’t need any help taking out the Family Traitor!

Charlie shoves Highwayman and continues to yell at them as Howler tries to calm Charlie down. Joe Mama slowly moves away from them and towards a fire extinguisher. Highwayman is the first to see what Joe Mama is doing and rushes to grab him. But Joe Mama hits him in the face with the extinguisher and then fires it at Howler and Charlie. Highwayman screams as blood pours down his face and the other two howl at the chemical blast. Joe Mama moves off and enters an unmarked room. When he comes out, he’s got Loosie with him and there’s a look of pure business on his face.

Monroe: Looks like Joe Mama’s looking to even the odds a little!

Marcum: Someone warn them! Someone get Charlie a table leg!!!

Howler is the first to feel Loosie’s wrath as Joe Mama targets his gut. Howler doubles over as a gasp exits his lungs. As he drops to his knees, Joe Mama follows it up with a shot to his spine. Charlie manages to get out of range, desperately looking for ANYTHING to counter his opponent’s weapon of choice. He slides off camera as Joe Mama goes to work on Highwayman. Moments later Charlie is back, table leg in hand. Joe Mama becomes a victim of the Tower Of London as Charlie drives his weapons across the back of his head. Loosie rolls away and Joe Mama falls. Charlie gets in Howler’s face…

Charlie: Get the EMTs!!! Get a doctor!!! Get Louie and Slick!!! I want them all to see Joe Mama’s final moments!!!

Howler stumbles off. Charlie picks Joe Mama up by the nape of his neck and his belt and starts looking around for something. Finally seeing what he’s looking for, Charlie pulls Joe Mama along and tosses him though the glass window of a conference room. The glass shatters and Joe Mama hits the floor within. He doesn’t seem to be getting up.

Monroe: My GOD!!! Joe Mama may very well have lost the match of his creation!!!

Marcum: I knew Charlie could do it!!! I knew he’d get the job done!!!

As Louie, Slick, and some EMTs rush onto the scene, Charlie enters the conference room to survey his work. His cocky grin melts away, though, as Joe Mama stumbles to his feet. As Louie screams and Charlie moves in for the kill, Joe Mama drops to one knee and delivers a low blow that double Charlie over. Once again, Joe Mama gets to his feet only this time he pulls Charlie to the windowpane. He tries to drag Charlie’s head towards a large shard of glass, but Charlie is able to struggle so Joe Mama contents himself with a few well-placed head butts to Charlie’s nose, breaking it. Blood pours down Charlie’s face as Joe Mama tosses him back into the hallway.

Marcum: Charlie’s a bloody mess!

Monroe: They both are, Marcum! I don’t know how much longer this match can go on!!!

Joe Mama leaves the conference room and makes a move to go after the managers, but Charlie hits a low blow of his own. He stands, moves back, and hits a few Bulldog Brains. The blows force Joe Mama back towards a foldout table and, as Charlie moves in for another of his specialty running head butts, Joe Mama is able to turn it into an Enforcer, driving Charlie’s back through the table. Joe Mama drives a few more fists into Charlie’s face before standing, turning, and going after the heads of Family Business.

Monroe: Looks like Joe Mama wants to settle a few scores tonight!

Marcum: Get them outta there! Joe Mama’s gone crazy!!!

Monroe: He did say that anyone who wanted to get involved would become part of the match…

Louie and Slick rush into their locker room and lock the door; Joe Mama turns in time to see two EMTs looking Charlie over. He rushes over and pulls them off of his opponent, and then shoves them out of the way. Joe Mama pulls Charlie up to his feet and drives his fist into Charlie’s face. Charlie falls back but, as Joe Mama moves in to press the advantage, Charlie grabs Loosie and swings away, catching his opponent in the side. Joe Mama drops to his knees again, holding his now-bleeding ribcage. Charlie steps forward and drags the barbed wire across Joe Mama’s forehead, cutting him wide open. Then Charlie tosses the bat aside and starts clawing at Joe Mama’s wounds.

Monroe: This match has gone too far!!! Somebody needs to call it now!!!

Marcum: It’s just gotten good!!!

Joe Mama’s face is a mask of blood. EMTs rush in to check on his condition, but Charlie drags him away from them. Charlie pulls Joe Mama through a set of doors and into the parking lot. A short distance away is an ambulance. Charlie Irish whips his opponent into the side and then rushes in to drive an elbow in and complete the British Bulldog. But Joe Mama is able to dodge the strike and Charlie drives his elbow into the ambulance itself. As he stumbles back, holding his injured arm, Joe Mama hits him with a brutal clothesline. His opponent lying prone on the asphalt, Joe Mama drives one vicious kick after another into Charlie’s ribs. Then he lifts Charlie up and delivers a standing Enforcer. The EMTs have now entered the parking lot and are trying to attend to Charlie AND Joe Mama, but Joe Mama is pulling himself and his opponent away from them. One EMT rushes off.

Marcum: Where’s that guy going?

Monroe: Presumably to get someone to stop the match!!!

Joe Mama tries to get onto the hood of the ambulance, but his injuries don’t allow him. Instead, he tosses Charlie at the windshield. Charlie hits it and barely moves. Joe Mama pulls him back onto the asphalt and tries to set up a Brain Buster, but Charlie (running solely on instinct at this point) somehow blocks it. Joe Mama delivers a shoulder breaker and then sets up a tombstone piledriver. But the EMT comes back with one of the doctors. Before he can hit the devastating move, the EMTs rush forward and break the fight up. The doctor briefly checks Charlie as the EMTs hold back the struggling Joe Mama. The doctor walks over to Joe Mama and says something to him that causes him to relax. As the EMTs rush forward to deliver first aid to Charlie, Joe Mama turns to the camera. His face is a red mask of blood and he’s holding his blood-soaked side.

JM: Did you people see that? Do you all see what I have in store for ANYONE who stands against me? King Snarf, do you have half the heart that your teammate has? Where are you, Snarf? Where were you while Charlie took the beating of a lifetime? Are you scared, Snarf? Of is it too embarrassing that the least of you is the one who has the most guts??? Snarf, you and Superbeast and Howlerama and the Legbreakers…you’re all in my sights now! Louie, take a good look at Charlie back there…that’s the future of the RDCW! That’s the future of anyone who steps in the ring with me!

That’s the future of The Family Business!!!

Joe Mama tries to say more, but the pain and blood loss cause him to fall. The EMTs start working on him as well…

Women's Division: Lor vs. Meeko

Meeko tried to take control early with a series of roll-ups, small packages, and various combinations of vertical Meekoplexes, German Meekoplexes, and belly-to-belly Meekoplexes. Lor managed to just hang in there, and take the beating. This actually wore Meeko down more than Lor, who managed to hit a quick Punch & Judy on Meeko while she was trying to set up another Meekoplex. Lor quickly locked in the Harlequinaid and, fighting as best she could, Meeko could not break the hold. Meeko stuck it out as long as she could, but eventually she succumbed to the modified sleeper, and the ref awarded Lor the victory.


Heavyweight Division: Pig Iron vs King Snarf

The match started off with both men keeping equal control of the momentum. King Snarf was actually able to execute a Wildsault and lock in his headlock. But Pig Iron’s determination allowed him to get to the ropes. As King Snarf argued with the ref that his opponent had tapped out, Pig Iron was able to recover and hit King Snarf with a BullHog (modified bulldog), stunning King Snarf long enough for Pig Iron to get the pin.


Spandex Monkey Man vs Two-Ton Tommy

Despite handing in a sterling performance, Two Ton Tommy failed to beat the resurgent RDCW Superhero. Both men put in sterling performances, but it was SPAMM who claimed the victory after hitting a Spandex Superkick for the pin. After the match, SPAMM made a point of shaking hands with his opponent, whilst the crowd popped both men.


Grudge Match: The Killer vs. Ian Bond

Ian Bond showed off his technical expertise early in the match. After making the Killer look a bit slow, Bond managed to flip him out of the ring. As Bond showed off a bit for the cheering fans, the Killer grabbed a chair and slipped back into the ring.

Monroe: Ian Bond seems quite pleased with his performance tonight, as are the fans!

Marcum: The Killer sure isn't! Bond is about to get a rude awakening!

Bond turned around and walked right into a baseball swing. The ref immediately called for the bell, but the Killer wasn't done.

Monroe: Buhgawb! Someone stop him! He's insane!

Marcum: He's a killer! And he's about to send Ian Bond to his grave!

The Killer dropped the chair on the mat and delivered the Urge to Kill to Bond, right on the steel chair. The ref ordered the Killer out of the ring, but he just tossed him aside and climbed the corner ropes.

Monroe: What's he doing now?!?

Marcum: He's giving him the 1st Degree!

By the time the Killer landed the move, the rest of the Bond Brigade had finally made its way down the ramp, but so did every official in the back. They kept everyone separated on opposite sides of the ring while paramedics tended to Ian Bond.

PenWing vs. James Fantastic - Non Title Match

"Sweet Child O' Mine" starts playing and James Fantastic makes his way to the ring to a mixed reaction from the crowd.

Marcum: Now this is surprising! Here is Jimmy Faboo, coming out to teach PinkyWinky a lesson about what it takes to be a wrestler, and the crowd doesn't appreciate it!

The stomping beat of "We Will Rock You" replaces James' music, and the crowd sings along as PenWing makes his way to the ring. PenWing raises his title for the crowd before setting it aside.

Monroe: The only reason you're surprised is because you mixed up who's going to be teaching whom a lesson tonight!

The bell rings and the two former teammates lock up in the center of the ring. PenWing's experience and training quickly kick in, and tosses James into the ropes and follows up with a flying forearm. Both wrestlers get back to their feet, and James again goes to lock up with PenWing. This time, James tosses PenWing aside, but when he runs at him, PenWing falls on his back and rolls backwards into a reverse summersault, pinning James. Lothar counts two, and James kicks out. The two continue to lock up, but neither can get more than a two-count.

Monroe: PenWing is putting on a technical masterpiece here! Since becoming Champion, he has truly improved his technique!

Marcum: Huh? I'm sorry. Must have dozed off for a second there.

James tries to quicken the pace of the match, sending PenWing the corner with an Irish Whip. He follows that up with multiple shoulders to PenWing's-

Fat Retard: STERNUM! He hit him the STERNUM! The STERNUM!

Finally, PenWing drops to his knees, and James pulls him to the center of the ring. He tries to lock in the TN Rocker, but PenWing gets a leg up and kicks James into the ropes. Finding new life, PenWing flips back to his feet and nails James with a Spin-O-Rama. PenWing then climbs the corner ropes. Seeing James get back to his feet, PenWing improvises, instead launching at James with a drop kick. Not done yet, PenWing helps James back to his feet, and starts to spin him into the ropes. James reverses it, sending PenWing into the ropes. PenWing bounces back, and James tries to grab him for a belly-to-belly suplex. PenWing gets an elbow into his face, and turns James around. He locks him belly-to-back and executes a German Meekoplex. PenWing keeps his arms around James, and he hits two more Meekoplexes. PenWing then goes back to climb the corner ropes.

Monroe: I don't know how James can have anything left after those Meekoplexes!

Marcum: Well he does! Jimmy Faboo is getting back to his feet, and he's going straight for PenWing!

James climbs the corner ropes from the inside of the ring, and the two trade blows. James gets the upper hand, and begins to set PenWing up for a superplex. James lifts him up and begins to fall back, PenWing somehow takes control of the momentum, and he turns it into a super Sudden Death.

Monroe: Buhgawb! PenWing just hit Sudden Death in midair! James is out!

PenWing gets back to his feet and pulls James to the center of the ring.

Marcum: What is the chump doing? He's won!

Monroe: He's locking in the Sharpshooter!

James' eyes suddenly pop wide open as PenWing completely locks in the Sharpshooter. He tries to pull PenWing closer to the ropes.

Marcum: He's gonna make it! He's gonna break the hold!

James is just out of reach when PenWing pulls him back towards the center of the ring.

Monroe: I don't think James has a chance. Just look at that look of determination on PenWing's face! He said he was going to teach James a lesson in reality tonight! It looks like this is it!

Lothar asks James if he wants to quit, but James shakes his head. He continues to fight, but PenWing pulls him further away from the ropes. James starts to lose consciousness. After a few more minutes, James stops struggling. Lothar determines that James has passed out, and he signals for the bell. PenWing immediately releases his hold, takes his belt, and holds it up for the fans as "We Will Rock You" starts playing again.