RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 8.23.05

Monroe: Folks, we are just days away from SummerScam, and the card tonight will blow you away!

Marcum: And he means it! We've got two Boobie Belt division matches tonight!

Monroe: We've got Lucha Libre, Hardcore Porn, Handicapped, Inter-gender, knock your socks off action, and the Bastardo Lumberjack Match!

Marcum: This is the end of Joe Mama! There is no way he will be facing PenWing at SummerScam after tonight!

Monroe: Don't go anywhere, the Havoc starts now!

Lucha Libre Match single choice

Senor Muerte (22%, 8 Votes)

El Superbeasto (78%, 28 Votes)

Total Votes: 36 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 4:05 PM

Women's #1 Contender's Match single choice

Lor (64%, 23 Votes)

ButterRican (36%, 13 Votes)

Total Votes: 36 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 4:05 PM

Handicapped Match single choice

The Killer (35%, 11 Votes)

Los Monstros Azules (65%, 20 Votes)

Total Votes: 31 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 4:05 PM

Inter-Cunt-Inental Division - Non-title Match single choice

MisterJLA (Champ) (28%, 10 Votes)

Nowhereman (72%, 26 Votes)

Total Votes: 36 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 4:05 PM

Women's Division - Non-title Match single choice

Sneaky Bunny (Champ) (56%, 20 Votes)

Stareena (44%, 16 Votes)

Total Votes: 36 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 4:05 PM

Inter-gender Tag Match single choice

PenWing / Meeko (19%, 7 Votes)

Tommy and Terry Savitz (81%, 29 Votes)

Total Votes: 36 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 4:05 PM

ECW Rulez Hardcore Porn Championship single choice

Captain Howdy (Champ) (43%, 16 Votes)

Darth (57%, 21 Votes)

Total Votes: 37 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 4:05 PM

Bastardo Family Lumberjack Match single choice

King Snarf (24%, 9 Votes)

Joe Mama (76%, 28 Votes)

Total Votes: 37 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 4:05 PM

*Havoc opens and the ring is decked out with pink and black tiling. There are two vinyl cushioned stools and mic stands in the center of the ring.*

Monroe: Folks, as you can see, we are eagerly anticipating another installment of Meeko's Mic Night!

Marcum: Why does there have to be so much pink?

*The fans cheer as "Strike It Up" starts playing. Meeko, sporting her pink pinstriped black business suit, makes her way to the ring. She takes the mic in hand.*

Meeko: Welcome to Meeko's Mic Night!

*The crowd cheers even louder.*

Meeko: Tonight, I turn the mic over to one of the most dangerous men in the world of wrestling. When it comes to being banned in arenas, this guy wrote the book, largely due to his unpredictable hardcore style. For years he has tormented the RDCW's very own Chris Oakley, and last week wasn't any different. Ladies and gentlemen, I now turn the mic over to...the Killer!

*"Angel of Death" blares from the Cheesedome PA system as the Killer struts down to the ring while the crowd boos him.*

Monroe: I don't understand how this-this monster can be allowed to compete in the RDCW! Word from the Bond Brigade is that Ian Bond is still in the hospital recovering from facial fractures and a severe concussion!

Marcum: It just goes to prove the point that managers should stay out of the ring!

*The Killer grabs the mic from the stand a takes a seat. Meeko does the same, and gestures to him that he can start any time. The Killer begins to speak in his usual electronically distorted voice.*

Killer: You think I'm stupid? Huh? You think I don't know that I'm supposed to start talking?

*Meeko keeps a straight face as the Killer continues to berate her.*

Killer: What? You got something to say to me, bitch? No? Didn't think so. So let's get to why I'm here. For six long gobdamn years, I've been trying to climb out of the ranks of the jobbers and into the elite level of this business, to compete in main events, to be mentioned in the same breath with the likes of Ric Flair, Triple H, Jeff Jarrett and Joe Mama. But it's not happening! And why?!! I'll spell it out for you in two words: CHRIS OAKLEY. Everything he's ever done has been with one purpose: to keep me from attaining the glory and respect I deserve! But that's all going to change at SummerScam.... Your hero, your patron saint, your golden idol is going to wind up on the business end of the Urge to Kill and the 1st Degree! (Points up in the direction of the Cheese-O-Tron) You want proof that I'm a better man than Jokely?!! Here it comes!

*To raucous and ever-louder boos from the crowd, the Cheese-O-Tron begins displaying a video package of highlights from Killer's career, with special emphasis on his ongoing war with Chris Oakley; we see guys getting put through tables, piledrived on floors, tossed through car windows, set on fire, and generally getting physically abused by every means possible. The Killer laughs his head off while Meeko keeps a straight face, looking unamused.*

Monroe: Buhgawb! This isn't a highlight reel, it's a horror show!

Marcum: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Mouth. You see horror, I see a man who knows how to get down to business!

Meeko: You know, Killer. May I call you Killer?

Killer: That's my name, ain't it?

Meeko: Well, some people who have "the" preceding their names prefer to be spoken about in third person. Anyway, Killer, I noticed from the video that you like to take your matches to the extreme. I mean, setting people on fire, and piledriving them into the floor, and throwing them into windows... You really know how crush your opponents.

Killer: I do indeed. It's about time someone recognized my natural ability to cause chaos and mayhem wherever I go!

Monroe: That's actually an accurate description.

Meeko: The thing is, Killer, and I'm speaking as a manager here... Did it ever occur to you that you take it too far? Now, before you respond to my question, you should realize that I have managed two RDCW Hardcore Porn Champions. Believe me, and since your new around here, you probably should, PenWing and Captain Sammitch can both take a match to the same levels of extreme chaos and mayhem that you can. However, and this is very important, Killer, they know when to stop and get the pin. That is the sign of a champion. As important as emotion is to the match, a champion knows when the match is done. One thing I noticed about your highlights, Killer, is that you didn't show the end results of those matches. Killer, I took the time to watch some of your matches. In fact, I watched the very same matches you highlighted for us tonight. You lost every single one of them. You want respect, Killer? Stop the overkill, and just get the damn pin!

Killer: Just who the hell do you think you are, you BITCH! I know what I'm doing! When I step in the ring, I'm the only one who WALKS out! In fact, I'm in the ring right now!

*The Killer drops the mic and starts to move towards Meeko. Los Monstros Azules and Chris Oakley bolt down the ramp, and they manage to tackle the Killer before he can get a hand on Meeko. Meeko slips out of the ring as the Killer starts tossing the Bond Brigade around. A group of referees race down the ramp and separate the wrestlers. The Killer exits the ring as referees escort him to the back. Senor Perdicion picks up the fallen mic.*

Senor Perdicion: Puta, you've just signed your own death warrant!!! (Major pops from the crowd) At SummerScam, Senor Oakley will tear you to pieces--and then El Daga and I will destroy the pieces!! But first, we are going to give you a special preview tonight!

Monroe: Buhgawb! Will there be anything left of the Killer for Oakley to fight at SummerScam?

Marcum: You're worried about the Killer!? The real question is, will the blue boys be able to quench his bloodlust tonight, or will he still thirst for blood at SummerScam?

Whoa yeah
I can slap a tornado
I can dry up a sea
When I live for the moment
There aint no fucking with me!

Monroe:"Buhgawb,thats Monster Magnet with Matt Hard..."

A figure walks out raise three fingers on his right hand,symbolising V1,and walks straight towards the announce table!

James White:"Hailing from Cameron,North London...."

Marcum:"I thought Cameron was in North Carolina!"

James White:".......welcome,Nott Hardy!"

Nott:"Hi Monroe,Marcum.....howzit goin?"

Monroe:"Hi Nowher......errrr,Nott,what are you doing out here?"

Nott:"I am so glad you asked. You see I have a match tonight with a man I despise. Its not gonna be a wrestling match,its gonna be a straight up fight!"

Marcum:"I didnt know you hated MisterJLA!"

Nott:"How could you not know? That pile of shite stole my girlfriend Nota,it was all over the internet."

Marcum:"No it wasnt!"

Nott:"What? You cannot be serious. That cunt cost me my job as well. Rob had to give me my job back because the RDCW fans kept crapping on his front lawn!"

Marcum:"You wasnt fired......you cant be fired,you part own the RDCW!"

Nott:"I am not listening to you cause you dont have Nottitude!"

Marcum:"And you have no mind.......you've lost it!"

Nott:"Fuck RDCW,fuck Rob,fuck MisterJLEDge & fuck Nota!"

Live for the moment strikes up again,and Nowhereman runs off through the crowd!

Monroe:"Well that was errrr interesting!"

Marcum:"That was fucked up!"

*Chesty Lerou is standing in the ring, wearing a black bustier and a flowing black skirt. She is holding a mic.

Chesty: Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I would like to introduce from Rob's Damn Lucha Libre, Senor Muerte!

"Dio De Los Muertes" plays as Muerte heads to the ring in his skeleton costume, handing out sugar skull candies to members of the audience. He steps into the ring and stands next to Chesty.

Chesty: Morte, last month at Worlds in Collision, we saw you compete for the RDLL title. You were the last man in the ring and submitted to PenWing's Sharpshooter. What is your reason for being here tonight in a lucha match against El Superbeasto?

Muerte: Candy?

Muerte hands Chesty a sugar skull.

Chesty: Uhh, thanks. Your match tonight?

Muerte: Last month, the world watched as PenWing and I had a spectacular match. I was the number one contender for the RDLL championship which as you know was unified with the Big Cheese title. I should have won the title from Juan Diablo last month. But PenWing was the better man that night. It is my hope that tonight when I defeat El Superbeasto, Senor Kamphausen will see fit to give me my due and a match against PenWing.

Chesty begins to respond but before she can do so, music cues up and it's Del Castillo's "Back From the Grave" as El Superbeasto, the Giant Luchadore makes his way down to the ring. Superbeasto steps into the ring over the top rope and heads over to Muerte.

Superbeasto: Defeat me? Defeat me?! Superbeasto is mightiest of all luchadores! You are pathetic! You will not defeat me!

Superbeasto grabs Muerte and delivers multiple Giant Headbutts to him, before delivering the Chokeslam to Oblivion. Muerte writhes on the mat, as officials run down to ringside to check on him. Superbeasto notices Chesty in the ring, trembling.

Superbeasto: Bonita. Come to Superbeasto.

Chesty backs into one of the corners, a look of fear on her face. She is saying "No. No."

Superbeasto: Your lips, they are saying no, but your heaving bosom, is saying yes!

Superbeasto begins to move into the corner as the lights go out.

*A red glow dimly lights the cheesedome. El Superbeasto looks to the corner, but Chesty is gone. He begins to turn around, scanning the ring, but he finds himself alone. White lightning strikes the ringposts, briefly lighting up the Cheesedome. El Superbeasto jumps, but then recomposes himself. The red glow becomes stronger, and the white lightning strikes the center of the ring. A stronger glow can be seen coming from the center of the ring. El Superbeasto braces himself. A voice is then heard over the speakers.*

Darth: You dare to doubt the power of the darkside?

*El Superbeasto looks into the hole, and seeing nothing, begins to look around the cheesedome. The Imperial March begins to play over the speakers.*

Darth: Now, you shall know the true power of the darkside!

*El Superbeasto is now looking up at the stage. He does not notice Darth rising from the hole in the center of the ring.*

Darth: Now, you shall fear it!

*The lights come back on, and El Superbeasto turns around, startled to find Darth standing behind him. Darth quickly kicks El Superbeasto in the stomach. As the giant luchadore leans over, Darth lifts him across his shoulders.*

Darth: Now, you shall feel it!

*Darth lays El Superbeasto out with the Darkside Slam. As he hits the mat, white lightning again strikes the corner ring posts. A final bolt strikes the center of the ring, and the lights go out again replaced by the red glow. Darth is gone.*

Darth: Beware the power, of the darksiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddddddde!

*The lights return, and El Superbeasto is laid out alone in ring.*

Monroe: Buhgawb! What have we just witnessed here!?

Marcum: ...

Monroe: Whatever it is, it's left my partner speechless! We'll be right back!

*The Crotch is again standing backstage with Lor, who is sporting her street look.*

Crotch: Lor, I gotta admit, last week you really took a beating, but you got the job done, forcing Meeko to pass out to the Harlequinaid. However, this week, you face ButterRican in a number one contender's match. It seems everytime you pull off a win, they throw someone else at you. Have you thought about just giving up? You know you'll never get your one-on-one title shot with Sneaky Bunny. Maybe you could go into bartending instead?

*Lor smiles a sweet smile and shakes her head. She stomps on the Crotch's foot, but he doesn't seem to notice.*

Crotch: Heh. I got my cup on, and now I have steel toed boots! Sorry, hun, but you ain't gonna get me this time.

*Lor looks alluringly at the Crotch, eyeing him up and down.*

Lor: Mm.

*Suddenly Lor punches the Crotch in the stomach, causing him to lean forward. His eyes go wide but he can't say anything as the wind has been knocked out of him. Lor delivers Punch & Judy, and again bends down and picks up the fallen mic.*

Lor: So Sneaky Bunny is trying to con her way out of facing me by making me compete in a number one contender's match, eh? Well, hunny, that's fine with me! You keep sendin'em up, I'll keep knockin'em down. Like I said before, it doesn't matter how many jobbers I have to go through. One by one, every women in this company will fall by my hand. And when it's just you <points to the camara> and me <points to her self> still standing, then you'll have nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. See you at SummerScam, sweety.

*Lor drops the mic and sudectively walks off. Monroe and Marcum take over at ringside.*

Monroe: She's got a point! Eventually, Sneaky Bunny will have to face her!

Marcum: That may be, but it's only fair that Lor prove herself, first!

Monroe: Somehow, I don't think that's going to be a problem!

"When It All Goes Wrong Again" hits as King Snarf makes his way to the ring!

KS: Ladies and gentlemen, you haven't heard from me in a while. And in that time, Joe said some things about me. He accused me of not posting promos. And he's absolutely right. And the reason I haven't posted stems from two people- Penwing and Joe Mama. But not in the way you think.

Y'see, way back when, I started feuding with TK-069. My gimmick was a headlock. No one expected me to win, yet win I did. I then vowed to be different from other World Champs here in RDCW. I posted. Other champs barely posted at all, but not me. I let everyone know about the headlock. Everyone backstage thought I would be just a transitionary champ, a few weeks at best. Instead, I went on to be one of the longes reigning champs in RDCW history. And for that, I want to thank each and every one of you fans, because you made it possible.

And then, along came PenWing. He fancied himself the big hero. He won the Rumble, and wanted to go on and beat me for the title at Robblemania. He figured that he would be unstoppable. But his plans took a detour. Now, this may come as a shock to some of you, but what happens here in the ring is a work. It's fake. You, the fans, decide who wins. The matches that take place are supposed to reflect you votes. And at Robblemania, you voted for me as the winner. You wanted ME to be your World Champ. But that didn't square with Penwing's little fantasy. So the decision was made to not have a clear winner. What should've been the greatest night of my life was taken from me due to petty backstage jealousy when the match ended in a no contest.

A month later, you fans vote for Penwing. Now, in the interest of fairness, I suggested that this also wind up a no-contest, so the feud could continue. Penwing, unsurprisingly, voted that down quicker than Fat Retard botches a call.

Still, I perservered. Joe Mama and I became Tag Team champions. Then came our title defense against PW and Capt. Sammitch. Once again, you voted resoundingly for me to get the win. But that didn't happen. Y'see, some folks backstage thought it'd be a good idea to interject the Allied Powers into the match, resulting in another no contest. The next week, Joe and I lost the belts. The people behind that decision were Nowheremna, Penwing and Joe Mama.

Why would Joe do that? Why would he lose his title? What the fuck did he care, he had another one! Y'see, Joe and Penwing are two peas in a pod. They have made it there business to make themselves look good at my expense.

For example, look at when Joe joined the Bastardos. He was in something of a slump, and the Bastardos were the hottest thing going. And it wasn't because of Chris Oakley and his many alt-ids, it wasn't because of James Fantastic. The Bastardo Family was so immensely over for one reason and one reason only- ME. So Joe decided to get in on some of that action. He left the Family when he decided that WE weren't doing enough to get himself over. I wasn't posting promos, and he got upset. But the reason I stopped caring is because what was the point? I post, I win, and then I'm made to look like a putz. And in the process, I let you the fans down, and I'm sorry.

So then came Wargasms. When Joe "betrayed" the Family. Look at how that happened. Penwing puts me in the submission hold, and Joe has to save me. Then Joe beats the crap out of me. Now, who's idea do you think that was?

So now we come to Summerscam. Where two of the biggest egomaniacs in the business have connived their way into the top spot. And now matter who wins, I'll tell you who loses- you the fans! Because after the match, they'll go backstage and have a good laugh at your expense. Because week after week, they insert themselves into the main event, and they don't give a damn about you. The only consolation I have is that one of 'em will screw the other in the match.

Oh, and I have a bold prediction for tonight's lumberjack match- I get screwed when the Bastardos turn on me and join up with Joe. And if not, then rest assured Joe argued vehemently for that to happen.

So, at Summerscam, I want you to think about something. You could vote for Joe, you could vote for PenWing. Or you could show them who has the power. Don't vote for either. Just leave that poll blank and then hit submit. Remember, you have the power. And I think it's high time you guys took it back.

With that, King Snarf drops the mic, makes a shooting motion with his finger at the crowd and then the backstage area, and leaves the ring.

'Batman' plays, and Spandex Monkey Man hits the ring. The crowd pops wildly, and SPAMM leaps onto the turnbuckle to pose. Leapign down from the ropes he grabs a mic

SPAMM: SPANDEX MONKEY MAAAAAAAAAAAAN! OOK OOK ACK EEK!

the crowd pops once again, and falls silent

SPAMM: Now that Snarf's stopped talking, it's time for the Monkey Man to say a few words! And these are this: Summerscam is going to be a big event for the RDCW, for two very good reasons: Firstly, Penwing and Joe Mama will finally get into a ring and express their undying love for one another. Face it guys, all that sexual tension's just not healthy!

the crowd laughs

SPAMM: The second reason is this: At Summerscam, I'm issuing an open invitiation! If anyone wants to step in that ring with me, and have a match, they're welcome to try! But I would just like to point out one thing: I've been beaten up by some of the best in the business, so don't expect an easy match!

Marcum: What on earth? That doesn't make any sense!

SPAMM: Now, I'd also like to say one thing to Johnny Evil! Big Fat Elvis may be a big man, he may be a fat man, but he ain't a MONKEY MAN!

Marcum: Too right! He's got a brain!

SPAMM: Next time I face off against him, it won't be me getting hit in the face with a steel chair! I don't approve of bodyguards, or for that matter personal safety!

Marcum: We'd noticed!

Monroe: Shut up, will you?

SPAMM: To finish, there's only one thing I care about, other than justice, and that's justice! That's right, I care about Justice 100% more than the normal man! 'Cos I'm SPANDEX MONKEY MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

'Batman' plays, and SPAMM poses in the ring as Havoc goes to commercial

Madman Marcum is standing in the ring…

Marcum: Here they are: the duo that unified the RDLL and RDCW Tag Titles last week here on Havoc: MisterJLA and Captain Howdy: The Allied Powers!

Rob’s Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music plays, and The Powers stand on the Cheesedome ramp and look out at the crowd. MisterJLA has his DCMB and IC Titles hanging from his left shoulder, and his share of the RDCW and RDLL Titles on the opposite. Captain Howdy has his Hardcore Porn Title fastened around his waist, with each tag title on a different shoulder. Allied Powers loyal butler Jeeves is in the background, holding an American flag in one hand, a Union Jack in the other.

Monroe: Before this love-fest gets underway fans, I have to admit: this is an impressive sight! JLA has 4 titles, and Captain Howdy has 3!

This is not stopping the fans from showing their hatred for these two! Ever since JLA fired harleykwin, the fans have gone right back to jeering The Powers at every turn!

The Powers finally enter the ring. Marcum wastes no time in shaking the Powers’ hands and congratulating them:

Marcum: Awesome…I mean AWESHOME win last week, gentlemen! You cleanly defeated the Legbreakereses, and now have two tag championships!

JLA: Thank you, Madman…WHOOPS!

MisterJLA mockingly falls to the canvas, and pretends to look surprised. Marcum plays along.

Marcum: Why, what’s the matter JLA?

JLA: Oh. WOW. I have so much gold on me right now, I can’t keep my balance! These belts are heavy!

Marcum: Nicely played.

JLA: Yeah.

Marcum: I wanted to take this time to congratulate you, on your brilliant interview last week as well.

Both MisterJLA and Captain Howdy answer at the same time:

JLA and Howdy: Thanks!

Howdy: He was talking to me you, you Minger!

JLA: How could he be? You stormed off like a complete… (MisterJLA pulls out a little book that appears to be a dictionary, and quickly looks through it)… prat!

Marcum: Now now, gentlemen…I was talking to both of you. During the interview however, one issue was not addressed: MisterJLA, when you first took the RDCW by storm, you only knew how to execute one move: The Final Justice, your devastating kick to the nuts.

Howdy: Goolies.

Marcum: Right, Goolies. But during your tag match against the Unholy Alliance, you demonstrated some terrific wrestling moves. I assume it was Captain Howdy who taught you how to wrestle?

JLA: Yes. Ever since we formed, Howdy has slowly been teaching me how to expand my repertoire.

Howdy: Don’t blame me for that!

JLA: Ugh. I’m not blaming you, I’m giving you credit! My version of “The Night Cap” and the “HowdySlam” helped us defeat the Unholy Alliance, and made me the Intercontinental Champion!

Howdy: CUNT!

The crowd breaks out in laughter. JLA responds with a shove to Howdy’s chest

JLA: Who are you calling a cunt?

Howdy: I meant it’s the Inter CUNT Inental Title!

JLA: Oh, that. Sorry.

Howdy: No problem, cunt!

The crowd laughs again, and JLA just shakes his head.

Marcum: Uh…speaking of which, we all heard Nott Hardy…I mean Nowhereman’s comments earlier tonight. And we just received word: tonight it will be IC Champion MisterJLA vs. Nowhereman!

the crowd goes ballistic, while JLA looks slightly perturbed by the crowd’s response.

JLA: He has his match all right, but it’s going to be a non-title event. You see, if Now here man wants a title match, he’s going to have to prove that’s he worthy of it. I know he’s some supposed Hardcore icon, but this is a WRESTLING championship. There will be no chairs, baseballs bats, or any of that. If he wants a title match, he’ll have to beat me fairly tonight, by wrestling for it…and as we all saw, I’m becoming quite the wrestling technician! He doesn’t have a chance!

If all that wasn’t enough, I will have someone who knows him very well in MY corner…his old friend, Captain Howdy!

The camera zooms in on Howdy’s face. He looks confused by the idea of siding with JLA over Nowhereman.

JLA: Yes, this is going to be another terrific night for The Allied Powers! Captain Howdy will successfully defend his Hardcore Championship against Darth, I will kick Now here man’s ass, and…

Just then, JLA notices that RDCW General Manager thedoctor is making his way to the ring with…Dark Typhoid Dave??? Both are wearing expensive suits, and are smirking. Dave has a briefcase with him, and they entered the ring as the audience members whisper to each other…

Monroe: It’s Typhoid Dave, of Aussie Scumbags fame! We haven’t seen him since he and Danny lost in their reunion bid to take the World Tag Titles from The Allied Powers!

JLA: What the FUCK do you guys want?

thedoctor: Oh, just a decision from you. I just hired Dave here to be the RDCW’s legal expert. He’s been busy looking over legal issues for the league. And, well, I’m going to cut to the chase. I asked him to look over both the RDCW and DCMB Charters, regarding titles from other leagues. Do you want to guess what he found?

JLA’s eyes dart back and forth nervously…

JLA: …nnnnnnoooo….?

Dave: In article 32, subsection 5 of the RDCW Charter, it explicitly states “No wrestler employed with Rob’s Damn Championship Wrestling shall be permitted to be recognized as a champion, if party of the first part is currently acknowledged as a champion from a rival organization. Party of the second part reserves the legal right to rescind champion status from party of the first part, unless party of the first part vacates his or her championship from the secondary organization.”

JLA: Wha…?

thedoctor: It means that you can’t have titles from two different organizations, you idiot! You can’t have titles from both the DCMB, and RDCW at the same time! Right here, and right now, you can either drop your “World” title from the DCMB league, or both of your titles from MY league! Take your pick!

JLA: I actually have three shiny titles! See? The IC Belt, the RDCW World Tag Titles, and the RDLL…

thedoctor: And Damnit, the RDLL Tag Belts don’t even exist anymore! I don’t want to see those things on MY program again! Shove them up your ass, put them in the JLA Trophy Case, or…

JLA:Trophy ROOM. The JLA Trophy ROOM.

thedoctor: I don’t care what you call it! I don’t want to see them anymore! Now make a choice! Either represent this league by being the IC and World Tag Champion, or continue to run around with a belt from a league that folded in March!

JLA: You heard about that, huh? Yeah, the DCMB league is no more. But I was, and still am its champion!

thedoctor: Just make a decision!

JLA: doc, you and Dave have conspired against me. You can’t stand the fact that I have done so well here, and now you want to take me down a peg. I fought hard to be the greatest DCMB Champion ever. Balls Nasty stole this belt from me, and I had to beat him in a savage Last Man Standing match to get it back.I defended it against five opponets in an Elimination Chamber match! I have taken this belt to new heights!

This DCMB Title is a WORLD title, and I’m not about to drop it. So my decision is…

Just then, JLA notices what could be interpreted as a sad look on Captain Howdy’s face, but the idea that Howdy could ever feel an emotion like sadness is doubtful.

JLA:…that I will retire the DCMB Championship, right here and now!

The crowd lets loose with a standing ovation!

Monroe: I think they are happy that we never have to see that bogus title again!

JLA: You know, theproctor, you almost had me there. You almost got me to abandon Howdy and our tag team gold. But over the time I spent with the Captain, I went from hating the man, to, well still hating him, but I respect him, and one day may call him my fr…frien…

Howdy: Don’t say it!

JLA: Don’t worry, I won’t. I’m not going to get all mushy on you Captain: but I will help you beat the shit out of these two clowns!

Before the Powers can act; thedoctor and Dave rush out of the ring, and don’t stop running until they hit the backstage area. The Allied Powers’ music hits, and MisterJLA and Captain Howdy almost shake each other’s hands, but think better of it and leave the ring.

*Camera cuts backstage, where Grimm is walking into the CheeseDome. He has a disgusted look on his face and is wearing a tshirt that reads FTW.

Monroe: "It's Grimm! Grimm is here! BUHGAWB! He looks pissed off!"

MarcuM: "Of course he's pissed off! He lives in a state of perpetual pissed offness!"

Monroe: "A what?"

MarcuM: "Just go with it!"

Grimm continues walking as the cameras go to commercial.

Monroe: "Fans, we'll be back after this!"

*Returning from break, we see the Crotch standing outside the Family Business locker room, mic in hand.

Crotch: "I'm trying to get word with members of the Family Business following comments made earlier tonight by the Crown Jewel of the Family, King Snarf!

The Crotch knocks on the door repeatedly. He knocks again, louder. The door opens and the Legbreakers and Howlerama step out.

Crotch: "Guys, guys! What is your response to-"

The Family members pound on Crotch and ram him into the wall, before tossing him down the hallway. Louie Bastardo, Grace, and Slick Williams step out of the doorway, admiring their handiwork.

Louie (looking directly at the camera): "NO COMMENT!"

The Family Business members step back into the room and slam the door!

Monroe: "BUHGAWB! What the hell is going on here?!"

'Rock and Roll' Music plays, and the Tuesday Night Rockers hit the ring to major pops from the crowd. James Fantastic makes the intro as the trio make their way to the ring.

James Fantastic: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Put your hands together for the new sensation that is rocking the nation, Coming soon to a Cheese-Dome near you, THE SD ROCKERS!!!

The crowd pops majorly again. Tommy climb the barrier and leaps into the crowd, who hoist him aloft in a bout of crowd surfing whilst James and Two-Ton Tommy enter the ring and pose for the fans. Tommy eventually makes it to the ring and climbs in before being handed a mic

Tommy Savitz: Well, it looks like time for a shameless Summerscam shill!

the audience laughs

Tommy Savitz: Seriously, guys, Summerscam is gonna be the biggest event of the year so far! Just look at that main event: Joe Mama vs. Penwing! Thes guys are, despite what certain members of the locker room may think, probably the two best guys on the roster!

Monroe: It seems that the Tuesday Night Rockers don't bear any grudges against Penwing!

James Fantastic takes the mic

James Fantastic: Penwing, I know we've got our problems, but I respect your in-ring abilities and I appreciate your goals. I just don't share your methods, and I don't see why that's gotta mean we hate each other. Last week, you beat me fair and square, and I can dig that. Kick that bastard's ass!

the crowd pops, and Fantastic grins

James Fantastic: At Summerscam, the dear ol' SD Rockers have got a title shot against Howlerama and The Allied Powers. Now, I'm sure you're wondering exactly what axis will be appearing at the event, and I can announce right here and now that Me and Triple T are featuring in the tag match. As for Tommy, well, I'll let him tell you...

Tommy Savitz takes the mic back

Tommy Savitz: Earlier tonight, my old tag partner Spandex Monkey Man issued an open challenge, and I'm taking him up on it! SPAMM, together we can rip the roof off the Cheese-Dome and go for a match of the year, so let's do this thing!

the crowd pops Tommy, and he hands the mic to Two-Ton Tommy

Two-Ton Tommy: I don't speak much, but I can say this: at Summerscam, no matter what the result, I can promise that the Tuseday Night Rockers will give you a show like you ain't never seen! Boys, get ready to rock this join to the tune of Tuesday Night Rockers!

the crowd pops massively, and Tommy Savitz takes the mic back

Tommy Savitz: SPAMM, I know you ain't scared of anything, even your own death, but you gotta know this: you ain't never gonna beat me, cos brother the crowd joins in I'm that DAMN good!

*The stomping beat of "We Will Rock You" blasts over the speakers and the fans roar to their feet and sing along as PenWing, with the Big Cheese Belt around his waist and his Sherwood in hand, walks out onto the stage.*

Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
Playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day

You got mud on yo' face
You big disgrace

Kickin' your can all over the place

Singin'
'We will we will rock you'

'We will we will rock you'

Everybody
'We will we will rock you'

'We will we will rock you'

Alright

*PenWing holds up a mic, and the fans quiet down.*

You don't like my methods, James? Well, I don't like yours. You can stand there, and you can woo the crowd with your big man talk, but last week we proved that you can't walk the walk!

*Cheers from the crowd.*

I'll give you this, James. You're tough. Passing out to the Sharpshooter takes a lot of guts, and there is no doubt in my mind that you are well on your way to becoming a superstar! But when it comes to being friends with me, well... I can't be friends with someone I don't respect. And I can't respect someone who would sacrifice a friend for a cheap win. That goes against the rules.

*More cheers from the crowd.*

As for you, Tommy...

*Two-Ton Tommy points to himself and mouths "Me?"*

Not you, Two-Ton, I'll get to you after SummerScam. Right now, I'm talking to the Surgeon, Tommy Savitz. Tonight, Tommy, before you start worrying about facing Spandex Monkey Man at SummerScam, you should start thinking about your match with me. Because, Tommy, tonight we're going to find out just how damn good you really are! Tonight, we're going to play by the only rules that matter! Because, anytime, anywhere, (the crowd joins in) SUDDEN DEATH RULES!

*PenWing drops the mic and walks to the back as "We Will Rock You" starts playing agian. The Tuesday Night Rockers converse in the ring as Hovoc goes to break.*

Buy my toxic BBQ sauce buhgawb..........DROP TOE HOLD!













































Woodshed!

After a short commercial break,a preview of SummerScam,and a few plugs for RDCW merchandise,we fade to the parking lot outside the Cheesedome,where we see the Killer standing with a sledgehammer in his hand next to two ice sculptures carved to resemble Los Monstros Azules.

Okay,Senor Putz and El Dummy,pay attention...I'm gonna give you Tijuana bar rejects a little preview of what you can expect to happen to you at tonight's handicap match.

With a maniacal,electronically distorted laugh,Killer slings the sledgehammer and smashes the Senor Perdicion ice sculpture to bits;he then does the same to the El Daga ice sculpture. Putting the sledgehammer down,he stomps all over the remnants of the two ice sculptures,grinding them into ice chips,and then mouths the words "You're next,Oakley!" before making an obscene gesture in the direction of the camera and heading back into the Cheesedome. Camera then cuts back to Madman Marcum and Mike "the Mouth" Monroe at ringside.

*Superbeasto is walking through the backstage area, holding his head. He is screaming in pain and anger.

SB: "Darth! Puta!"

Superbeasto picks up a garbage can and hurls it through a window as he passes by an office. Several CheeseDome employees scatter as he passes by.

SB: "YOU WILL FEEL THE FURY OF MAS MACHO SUPERBEASTO!"

MarcuM: I wouldn't want to be back there right now!

Monroe: You said it!

Backstage, King Snarf Rules is interviewing Joe Mama...

KSR: Joe Mama, King Snarf has said some...

JM: Heh.

KSR: What?

JM: Heh heh...

KSR: What's so funny?

JM: Kinda funny that you're the one interviewing me. Kinda like waving fresh meat at a starving wolf.

KSR: Um...uh...you're not gonna do what the Family did to The Crotch, are you?

JM (grins...a horrible, horrible grin): Dunno yet. Ask your questions.

KSR: Ummmmmmm...what is your reaction to King Snarf's comments earlier?

JM: My reaction? None.

KSR: Nothing?

JM: No.

KSR: But he said...

JM: He can say whatever he wants. He can make all the accusations he likes. Whether he's right or wrong, telling the truth or lying, it's his right. It doesn't change the fact that, later on tonight, he has to get in the ring with me. Doesn't change the fact that I'm going to beat him. That's all that matters. Everything else is just distraction and window-dressing. Are we done?

KSR: Um...

JM (locks eyes on KSR): ARE. WE. DONE?

KSR: Yes, sir. Back to you, guys...

We see King Snarf Rules run off as thhe camera cuts to Monroe and Marcum.

Monroe: That interview had a Bendis feel to it. Is King Snarf Rules secretly Brian Bendis?

Madman: They look alike, that's for sure...

*Havoc returns and Grimm makes his way to ringside surrounded by a squadron of security guards. He steps into the ring and begins to speak.

"Apparently these gentlemen are to accompany me to prevent things from getting. . .out of hand tonight. That's ok, because at SummerScam I have free reign to do whatever I want."

"Texas Death Match. Grimm. Pig Iron. No belts, no fancy moves. Just two men fighting for blood and glory. Now I know there's been a little confusion as to just what a Texas Death Match entails, so I have brought with me here this definition."

*Grimm pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolds it. He begins to read from it.

"A no disqualification, no countout match similar to a Last Man Standing match. This match is fought under one fall rules, but the loser of the fall is administered a ten count. If they are able to answer the count, the match continues."

"Pig Iron, in just a little under a week, you're going to sweat. You're going to bleed. You're going to cry. I'm going to punish you. I'm going to take you beyond the limits of human endurance."

"It's rather fitting that Nott Hardy was out here earlier tonight. Because I've been working on a little present for the RDCW. It's called the Grimmlock Version 2. And at SummerScam, I'm going to unleash it for the first time. But not the last."

"Pig Iron, wherever you are right now. Whatever you're doing. I hope you're ready to go places that human beings were not designed to go. Because after SummerScam, things will never be the same again."

"The Dark Days are coming to the RDCW. Abandon all hope."

*Grimm leaves the ring, surrounded by the security guards and returns to the back as we fade out to commercial.

Sirens erupt from the screen and speakers….merging into the music.

Music then blares loudly…. The ‘Countdown To Armaggedon” intro music blares through the arena.

Pig Iron enters the Cheesedome, head down, in his trademark black hooded robe grabbing a mic from Marcum along the way. He stares at Marcum, Marcum backs up in his chair..security then surrounds Marcum and Monroe, and Pig Iron enters the ring.
Music stops…..

Marcum: this guy really is a bit off.

Monroe: You think? A Texas Death Match with Grimm, he’s nuts.

Pig Iron: “ It’s been a while since I have spoken. I’ve been in jail, in chains, sprayed with water hoses, and I’ve been hounded by security at every step. I can’t even wrestle this week. This is all because of the corporation. The script writers and the fat cats are sitting upstairs right now smoking cigars, drinking bourbon, and making the RDCW girls give them massages. It’s all a big scam, and they’re robbing, stealing from you…the fans. “

Marcum: Hah, he doesn’t even know what he’s talking about.

PI: “ I’ll tell you one thing…one thing I know. I’m starting a revolution. Real wrestling, real excitement, unscripted brutality, and it’s for you. The fans deserve our bodies, our minds, or dedication to excellence. You people pay me, not the corporation. You pay me to do something I’d do for free. I couldn’t come out here earlier with Grimm…when he was throwing down the smack, because of security. But I’ll tell you this security better be nowhere near us come Summerscam or they’ll get sweet lead pipe to the cranium. Grimm and I will have a match…A Texas Death Match to the count of ten. It will be glorious. It will be an orchestra of blood and a ballet of bruised and battered bodies. I promise the fans this. This match will be worth the price of admission, you will not be cheated or let down by the corporate suits and playboy faces. This is real.”

Monroe: He has lost his mind. Does he know who pays his bills? He can’t talk about his bosses that way.

Marcum: He sure is trying to suck up to the fans.

PI: “ I don’t do this out of hate for Grimm, he knows it’s the battle…the call of true wrestlers and warriors. The fans deserve someone they can count on, depend upon, Grimm accepted the challenge and created the match. He is a modern day gladiator, and we will let you, the crowd, decide if it shall be mercy or death, thumbs up or down. Ancient , debauched Rome will never have seen a match like this, and neither have you, the frenzied fans. Grimm has earned my respect, but not my mercy, because the crowd will decide when it is over, ten count or not. “

Monroe: This doesn’t sound good. He sounds like…he means it.

PI: “ Grimm was right you know. Things will never be the same again. It’s ironic that security is here right now protecting the precious corporate tools. Because after Summerscam there will be no security…for anyone. And irony is a dish best served cold.”

Marcum: “ My God, he has lost his mind, did you even follow half of that?”

Monroe: “ He lost me at corporate sumthin’. He is dangerous..that’s for sure.”

*PI exits music playing and security surrounding him…

Lucha Libre Match: Senor Muerte vs. El Superbeasto

El Superbeasto came out first. Senor Muerte followed, but barely made it inside the ring before the giant Luchador assaulted him with big boots and punches. El Superbeasto drove him elbow into Muerte’s back several times before picking him up and delivering not one…not TWO…but THREE big Chokeslams To Oblivion. The pin and three-count were afterthoughts.


Number One Contenders Match: Lor vs. ButterRican

Looking to finally come out from under Stareena's shadow, ButterRican dominated the early part of the match with a series of holds. However, Butter did not take into account Lor's endurance and determination. Lor patiently slipped out of hold after hold, and while Butter did get a few two-counts, she could not get a pin. As the match dragged on, Lor began to take the upper hand, wearing out Butter with a series of suplexes. Butter finally tried to lock Lor in a headlock, but Lor quickly reversed it into La Pagliaccia.

Monroe: Buhgawb! This match is over now! Lor must have been playing possum the whole time as she learned her opponent's moves!

Butter struggled, but she could not break the hold, and though it pained her to do so, she tapped out of the match. Lor released her, and the ref raised Lor's hand in victory. As "Revolution" began to play, Lor was about to step out of the ring when she heard Butter say something.

Marcum: What is Lor doing? The match is over!

Lor walked over to Butter, now standing on her feat with a look of defiance on her face. A swift kick to the stomach and Lor had Butter laying back on the ground after some Punch & Judy.

Monroe: Buhgawb! Lor knows no mercy! What does this mean for Sneaky Bunny at SummerScam?


Handicap Match: The Killer vs. Los Monstros Azules

The Killer continued his path of vengeance against the hated Chris Oakley. Though the numbers were against him, the mystery man was able to hold his own for a while. However, Los Monstros Azules were able to use their teamwork to regain the advantage over their teammate’s foe. The Killer seemed to know that the match was turning against him because he delivered a blatant low blow to El Daga, followed by a blatant choke on Senor Perdicion. The ref had no choice but to call the match against The Killer, who took his time abusing the luchadors before security came in to “escort” The Killer away from the ring amid the boos of the crowd.

Madman Marcum is standing in outside the Allied Powers’ locker room, waiting to catch IC Champion MisterJLA. JLA finally exits his locker room, and sees Marcum waiting…

Marcum: MisterJLA! Tonight you will face Nowhereman in a non-title match! BUT, thedoctor just made a few additions to SummerScam, which involves you!

JLA: I love how I’m always the last to hear about MY matches. Spill it, Marcum.

Marcum: At SummerScam, you will defend the IC Title against…Nowhereman!

JLA: What? Then why are we wrestling tonight in a non-title match???

Marcum: I really don’t know…maybe a tease to get viewers to shell out money for the PPV?

JLA: Thedoctor expects me to go out there and risk injury in a non-title match? Forget that. Nowhereman and I will lock horns…at the PPV. Not tonight.

Marcum: You’re nervous about Nowhereman injuring you?

JLA: Of course not. I’m concerned that I might injure myself. Years ago, I hurt myself defending my DCMB Championship in a match, and I don’t want to take that risk tonight for a simple exhibition match.

Marcum: How did you injure yourself?

JLA: I pulled my groan.

Marcum: Your groan? (Pauses for a few moments) Don’t you mean your groin? You pulled you groin?

JLA: No, it was my groan. I went for a Final Justice on DC WEBMASTR, and pulled my groan…that’s what you’d call it, if you pulled it too. It causes you to groan a lot, trust me.

Marcum: So there you have it, folks! JLA refuses to wrestle tonight, so Nowhereman will win by count out. Back to you, Monr…

Nowhereman: Bollocks to that!

Out of…nowhere…appears Nott Hardy! He catches an unsuspecting JLA with a spear, and begins to pummel the champion with punches!


Inter-Cunt-Inental Non-Title Match: MisterJLA vs. Nott Hardy

Marcum: Nott Hardy is NOT taking this news well! He’s attacked the IC Champ, and it appears they will have their match right here and now!

Nott Hardy and JLA exchange punches and kicks in the backstage area! Hardy stuns JLA with an uppercut to the goolies, and then searches for a weapon! He soon finds a chair, and smacks his enemy across the face with it!

Soon after, security separates the two, and escorts Nott Hardy from the premises!

Monroe (speaking from the announcer’s table): Nott Hardy won the first round! He clearly got the best of JLA!

Marcum (still standing in the back): But that doesn’t mean anything! Nott had to use a chair, and at SummerScam, that will get him disqualified! He will have to beat JLA by the book if he wants another run as IC Champion!

Monroe: SummerScam is going to be the best PPV EVAR!

Marcum: For once we agree!


Women’s Boobie (Non-Title) Match: Sneaky Bunny vs. Stareena

Stareena made a strong case for herself in singles action. She showed very little ring rust as she kept Sneaky Bunny off-guard for most of the match, using both her technical skills and some high-risk maneuvers to maintain her edge. A missed superkick gave Sneaky Bunny the opportunity to chop block Stareena, taking out her knee and turning the tide. After stunning Stareena with kicks to the head, Sneaky Bunny locked in a figure-four leg lock, forcing Stareena to tap out.

Inter-gender Tag Match: Penwing and Meeko vs. Tommy and Terri Savitz

"Lyla" by Oasis starts playing as the Savitz make there way to the ring to cheers from the crowd.

Monroe: The crowd really loves the Savitzes! Just listen to them cheer!

Marcum: Too bad it's only going to get louder!

"Gonna Fly Now" starts playing, and the fans do cheer louder as PenWing and Meeko walk to the ring.

Monroe: Too bad? The fans love this! This is what it's all about!

Meeko whispers something to PenWing, and he smiles and steps out of the ring to stand in the SDC corner. Meeko motions to Terri to start the match against her, and she complies. The bell rings, and immediately the two women lock up. Meeko's technical skills reign supreme, and she quickly begins to wear the flyer out with a series of roll-ups and holds. Terri keeps fighting, and Meeko never gets more than a two count. Terri finally gets the upper hand when Meeko goes for a belly-to-belly Meekoplex. Terri reverses the move, sending Meeko into a suplex of her own. Terri keeps her hold on Meeko as she delivers two more suplexes. She goes for the cover, but this time it's Meeko who kicks out at two. Frustrated, Terri helps Meeko up and kicks her into the SDC corner. PenWing makes the blind tag, and the ref acknowledges it.

Marcum: That ain't right! PenWing has no business tagging himself in blindly! He's stealing Meeko's spotlight!

Monroe: He's giving her a break! Those suplexes took their toll on Meeko! It was a veteran decision!

Tommy Savitz tags in to face PenWing. They circle the ring before locking up. Tommy tosses PenWing to the mat. They lock up again. This time, PenWing tosses Tommy to the mat. The two continue to try and gain the upper hand, trading off various holds and roll-ups for nothing more than two counts.

Monroe: This is looking fairly even right now! PenWing keeps showing improvement in his technical mat skills every time he wrestles!

Tommy finally gets the upperhand, executing a Scalpleplex. He tries to lock PenWing up for another suplex, but PenWing reverses it into a German Meekoplex. The crowd goes wild as the two wrestlers begin to wear each other out by trading suplexes.

Monroe: This is just incredible! The endurance both of these wrestlers are showing is superhuman!

PenWing hits a vertical Meekoplex, and tries to lock in the Sharpshooter. Tommy manages to kick PenWing into the ropes, and as PenWing bounces back, Tommy tries to lift him into Malpractice. As he swings him up, PenWing takes control of the momentum and brings Tommy down with a neck breaker. Both wrestlers lay on the mat for a few seconds. PenWing gets to his feat first, and when Tommy stands up, PenWing kicks him with a Spin-o-Rama. This sends Tommy back to the mat, but within reach of Terri, who tags herself in.

Marcum: A brilliant tag by the lovely Terri Savitz! She really looks out for her husband!

Monroe: When PenWing tagged himself in to save Meeko, you said he was stealing her spotlight!

Marcum: Don't know anything about women? The spotlight always belongs on them!

PenWing tags Meeko back in, but as soon as she enters the ring, Terri hits her with a missile dropkick. Taking advantage, Terri puts Meeko into a series of suplexes. Meeko fights back with some elbows to break Terri's hold. Meeko then grabs Terri for a quick belly-to-belly Meekoplex, and puts her in the Meekolock. Terri manages to pull herself to the ropes, and Meeko breaks the hold. As they get to their feet, Terri super kicks Meeko, but the Meekolock did it's job, and the pain of executing the kick sends Terri to the mat as well. It takes Terri precious seconds to cover Meeko, who kicks out after two. Terri helps Meeko back up, and she tries to execute another suplex, but Meeko falls backwards and rolls Terri into a package. She can't get a count, as Terri keeps them rolling. Terri gets her feet out, and puts Meeko in the package. The ref starts to count. PenWing enters the ring to try and break the tag, but Tommy Savitz, in a rare aerial display, launches himself from his corner with a missile dropkick. PenWing is sent rolling out of the ring. The ref finishes the count and awards Terri the win the as the bell rings.

Monroe: What the? Is that an orange and yellow rope hanging from the rafters?

Marcum: Is it possible to be two colors? That's crazy!

Monroe: Buhgawb, it's the Monkeyrope! Spandex Monkey Man is sliding down from the rafters, right behind Tommy Savitz!

SPAMM lands behind Tommy, who turns around, right into the Spandex Superkick. SPAMM goes into a monkey tirade of "OOK OOK EEK ACK ACK" and runs off into the crowd. Meeko slips out of the ring as Terri checks on her husband. The Tuesday Night Rockers race down the ramp and zero in on PenWing, who is just getting back to his feet.

Monroe: What's going on here? Why are James Fantastic and Two-Ton Tommy attacking PenWing? The match is over!

Marcum: I guess they didn't take too kindly to his lack of respect!

PenWing tries to fight back but the match has taken it's toll on him, and he's sent shoulder first into the ring steps. The TN Rockers pick PenWing up and toss him into the ring. Two-Ton Tommy follows him in, and lifts him onto his shoulders while James climbs the corner ropes.

Monroe: They're going to send PenWing to the Rock n' Roll Endzone! If the SDC wouldn't have a member on the disabled list, this would never happen!

Just as Monroe finishes that sentence, the crowd roars as Captain Sammitch races down the ramp.

Monroe: Buhgawb! It's Captain Sammitch! He's back!

Fantastic turns around to find Sammitch climbing the ropes behind him. Sammitch hits James in the stomach, and sets him up for the Sammitch Slam. PenWing starts to punch Two-Ton Tommy in the head, cause Tommy to lose his grip on PenWing's legs. PenWing swings himself around and pulls Two-Ton down into Sudden Death. By this time, Terri has pulled her husband out of the ring. Together, PenWing and Sammitch send both James and Two-Ton over the ropes. Meeko reenters the ring and hands Sammitch a mic.

Sammitch: So now you're the Tuesday Night Rockers? Why not change the name all the way to the Tuesday Night Rats? Cause that's what you are, that's what you did when you turned your back on the Sudden Death Connection, you ratted us out! But you didn't just rat us out, you ratted out the entire RDCW!

Funny, isn't it, Jimmy-boy? If you were in Penwing's position, you would've just written me off and secured the title. You'd rather look out for yourself, even if it means someone else's career. I bet you're really wishing Joe woulda finished the job, aren't ya?

The fact is, there's too damn many like you in this promotion. You're all so concerned with looking out for Number One that you never bother to think of anyone else. You can win all the titles you want, but if you're only out for yourself, they don't mean a damn thing. That's why you weren't in Penwing's position that night, and that's why I don't see you getting there any time soon.

But like I said, there's plenty of others like you out there. And as long as people like you are in business, there'll be people like the Sudden Death Connection to straighten you out. Penwing, Meeko, and myself - we're here for things that are worth more than titles. So have fun at SummerScam. Because after the party's over, I - we - owe it to this sport, and to all these fans, to teach you and anyone else out there who needs it a lesson.

And James, for you, class starts right after SummerScam!

"Let's Get It Started" blasts over the speakers as the crowd welcomes Captain Sammitch back with cheers.

ECW Rulez Hardcore Porn Championship: Captain Howdy vs. Darth

With Captain Howdy already in the ring, littering it with trash cans, bats, chairs, and anything else not nailed down in the Cheesedome, the lights go out, replaced by a red glow. "Imperial March" blasts over the speakers as Darth rises from beneath the stage. Howdy waits for him as he approaches the ring, and as soon as Darth enters, he swings at him with a steel chair, hitting him across the head. The lights return, and Darth is still standing.

Monroe: Buhgawb! Darth just took a chair shot to the head, and it didn't even faze him!

Marcum: It didn't faze Howdy either!

Howdy grabs Darth's arm and whips him into the ropes. As Darth bounces back, Howdy knocks him down with another chair shot.

Marcum: He got him that time!

Howdy drops the chair and goes for a bat. Darth pops back up, and rises to his feet. He picks up a trashcan. Howdy turns around and swings the bat, but Darth blocks it with the trash can. Darth then runs at Howdy with the trashcan in hand, knocking him to the mat.

Monroe: Buhbawb! Darth just knocked Howdy down with a hit and run!

Darth throws the trash can out of the ring and picks up a gulf club. He turns around and stand by Howdy's midsection.

Marcum: Holy hell!

Darth: (in his raspy voice) FORE!

Darth nails Howdy in the groin with the golf club. Howdy quickly roles onto his side clutching his groin as Darth drops the club and picks up a chair. As Darth approaches Howdy, the Captain of hardcore quickly jumps back to his feet and off them, dropkicking the chair into Darth.

Monroe: Unbelievable! Howdy is back in the match!

Marcum: Was there ever any doubt?

Howdy quickly helps Darth back to his feet and lifts for a sidewalk slam onto the chair. Howdy goes for the cover, but Darth throws him off after two. Both wrestlers get back to their feet and begin trading blows. Darth pulls Howdy towards him and knocks him down with a devastating clothesline. Darth goes for the pin but Howdy kicks out at two. The two continue to trade blows while using the various weapons available in the ring. Bloodied and battered, Howdy and Darth both reach for each other's throats at the same time. Howdy tries to lift Darth, but it's Darth who lifts Howdy up into the air, and executes the Sabreslam onto a steel chair. Darth goes for the cover, and gets the pin.

Monroe: Buhgawb! Darth is the new Hardcore Porn Champion!

Marcum: This does not bode well for the division!

As Lothar raises Darth's hand in victory, El Superbeasto suddenly attacks Darth from behind with the kitchen sink.

Marcum: It's El Superbeasto, and he brought the kitchen sink!

El Superbeasto pulls Darth to the corner and climbs over the ropes. He turns around to face Darth, and grabs his throat. El Superbeasto begins to climb.

Monroe: Buhgawb! Darth is about to be sent to oblivion!

El Superbeasto exectutes the Chokeslam to Oblivion, and the ring collapses from the impact. El Superbeasto rises from within the fallen ring, and demands a mic from James White.

El Superbeasto: Puta, tonight, I give new meaning to the phrase "everything but the kitchen sink." Tonight, I give you a preview of what I will do at SummerScam! And when I'm done with you, puta... (licks his lips) I break your little girl! She will learn the meaning of true lucha style!

Monroe: Buhgawb! Can nothing stop El Superbeasto!

Marcum: Not one thing! Darth should be smart and find a new area code! He's gonna need it!

Monroe: Right now, we need a new ring!

Bastardo Lumberjack Match: King Snarf vs. Joe Mama

“The Ecstasy Of Gold” played as Louie Bastardo, Slick Willie Williams, and Grace escorted the members of Family Business to the ring.

Monroe: Is that Charlie with them? How is he allowed to participate after last week’s injuries?

Marcum: Who’s gonna tell him he can’t? You? Me? Charlie has a big score to settle and he intends to take care of business tonight!

The Family Business’ music faded and “When It All Goes Wrong Again” starts up. King Snarf walks out to both cheers and boos from the crowd. As he approaches the ring, the lumberjacks move away from him, giving him a wide berth to enter the ring untouched. King Snarf says some choice words to the lumberjacks, then enters the ring and plays up to the crowd.

Marcum: Looks like the Family gave him a pass. Could King Snarf be wrong about his accusations? Has he made the biggest mistake of his life?

Monroe: I can’t read either side, Marcum. But there’s definitely something going on.

Finally, “Faded” starts and Joe Mama walks to the ring. The crowd is as much on the fence about him as they were about King Snarf. This time the lumberjacks take their positions. There’s enough of an opening for Joe Mama to enter the ring but, as Joe Mama approaches this gap in lumberjacks, Charlie steps in front of him. He says something to Joe Mama, who nods and responds to him. No one can hear the exchange. Charlie, eyes locked on Joe Mama, moves away from the gap. Joe Mama says one last thing to Charlie, whose face flushes in anger, then enters the ring.

Marcum: What was that about? Were they talking trash…or strategy?

Monroe: I couldn’t hear them. There’s something about to happen…

Joe Mama and King Snarf stare each other down for a few moments. Then the bell rings and the match begins.

King Snarf and Joe Mama trade blows for a minute or two then Joe Mama manages to get the advantage. He flings King Snarf into the ropes and, when King Snarf ricochets back, drops to one knee and drives a fist into King Snarf’s gut. From there, he uses a reverse atomic drop to stun King Snarf. As he stumbles back, Joe Mama clotheslines him out of the ropes and onto the ring floor.

King Snarf immediately gets to his feet and assumes a defensive stance, but the lumberjacks don’t do anything. King Snarf yells at them, daring them to “come get a piece”, but Louie gestures and they hold their positions – though Charlie does shout at King Snarf to “get his pussy ass in the ring”. King Snarf looks up to make sure that Joe Mama is away from the ropes before reentering the ring.

Marcum: Did you see that? The lumberjacks just gave him a free pass! King Snarf is still part of the Family!!!

Monroe: But what was that gesture that Louie made?

Marcum: He was telling the lumberjacks to relax! King Snarf has nothing to fear tonight!!!

Monroe: Maybe…

The competitors lock up. This time, it’s King Snarf who gets the advantage and snaps in a headlock on Joe Mama. King Snarf forces his way onto the mat and cinches his finisher in tight. King Snarf sits out and then leans back, putting pressure on Joe Mama’s head and neck. But Joe Mama uses his Greco-Roman background to turn the dreaded finisher into a pinning combination, locking his arms around King Snarf’s waist and rolling him onto his shoulders and back. The ref gets a two-count in but King Snarf kicks out. Standing up, King Snarf tosses Joe Mama through the ropes and onto the floor and screams at the lumberjacks to “prove him wrong”.

Joe Mama gets to his feet as the Legbreakers move in. He stands defiantly and motions to them to make their move. The Legbreakers pause and glance over at Louie, who doesn’t move one way or the other. Joe Mama turns and stares down Sneaky Bunny before rolling back into the ring. He stands up and stares at King Snarf. The two have a verbal exchange and then clash.

Monroe: It was like Family Business didn’t know what to do…

Marcum: It’s all part of Louie’s plan! They’re both Family members – Louie’s just letting them work out their differences for themselves!!!

Monroe: There’s something wrong here…

Joe Mama and King Snarf trade punches in the center of the ring. King Snarf seems to be taking the worst of it, falling back a step or two per punch. Joe Mama Irish whips him into a corner and then hits him with a spear. King Snarf stumbles out of the corner, only to get bulldogged to the mat. Joe Mama stands over him, alternating between berating him and turning to berate Louie. Joe Mama picks up King Snarf, throws him into the ropes, and hits King Snarf with the Enforcer.

Marcum: Looks like the tide’s turning against King Snarf!

Monroe: Look! Louie’s motioning to the lumberjacks!!!

As Joe Mama starts to set up a Brain Buster, the lumberjacks start circling the ring like a group of sharks. The sudden movement distracts Joe Mama long enough for King Snarf to get free. He hits Joe Mama with a drop kick before seeing what the lumberjacks are doing. He screams at Louie and then pulls Joe Mama to his feet. The competitors trade blows again. Joe Mama hits a short clothesline and follows King Snarf to the mat. Joe Mama drives fist after fist into King Snarf’s face, busting King Snarf open. Blood runs from King Snarf’s nose but he fights back. He fights back to his feet, splitting Joe Mama’s lip as he stands. The match has become a straight brawl, with both men bludgeoning each other.

Louie makes another gesture. Charlie rolls into the ring and rushes towards the combatants.

Marcum: Here it comes! Charlie’s about to balance the books!!!

Monroe: But whom is he going after? Who is the Family siding with?

Charlie closes the gap just in time for both men to see him. King Snarf screams “I KNEW IT!!!” and clotheslines Charlie. Charlie tries to get to his feet but King Snarf is quickly on him, driving punches into Charlie’s injured ribs. King Snarf pulls Charlie to his feet and then throws him over the top ropes at El Superbeasto. As the giant Luchador catches his teammate, King Snarf turns towards Joe Mama in time to catch a kick to the stomach, which turns into a quick East Coast Hammer. As Joe Mama gets the pin, the Family Business rushes in. The Family splits into two groups: the Legbreakers, Charlie, and Sneaky Bunny rush towards King Snarf while El Superbeasto, Balls Nasty, and Howlerama surround and assault Joe Mama.

*Louie Bastardo enters the ring, mic in hand. He walks over to Joe Mama, who is being held to his feet by Howlerama.*

LB: Joe Mama. The Family Enforcer. Joe, you were like a son to me. You were the one I could always count on. And how do you repay me? By quitting the Family. Joe, of everyone standing here, I thought you understood more than anyone, that no one person is bigger than the Family. I was wrong about you, Joe, and I'm sorry. And though it pains me so, you need to understand one thing. Nobody leaves the Family.

*With that, Louie turns away as El Superbeasto climbs the corner ropes.*

LB: Look at what happens to those who turn their backs on the family. All of you! Look at what I was forced to do. Look how much it hurts me to have to turn away from a member of my own Family!

*Howlerama lift the beaten Joe Mama into El Superbeasto's outstretched hand and step out of the way as the giant luchadore delivers the Chokeslam to Oblivion. Louie Bastard walks over to King Snarf, who is being supported on each side by the Legbreakers.*

LB: Joe Mama may have been wrong about a lot of things, but he was right about one. You've become lazy, weak, and paranoid, King Snarf. You should have trusted us. You should have trusted ME! I made you! You think you became a champion because you could put people to sleep in a headlock!? You became a champion because I wanted you to become champion! You were my crown jewel, but like Joe Mama, you repay me with betrayal. In your paranoia, you attacked a member of this Family. You attacked Charlie, whom I sent into the ring to help you. You've lost your tust in this Family, King Snarf, and the Family no longer can trust you.

*King Snarf's face turns white as he realizes his mistake. Louie continues.*

LB: But you didn't act alone in this, did you Snarf? Someone made you think the Family was going to betray you tonight. Someone put those ideas into your head.

*With the family now encircling Louie, he slowly turns to face each member.*

*Louie stops and turns to point as he speaks.*

LB: I knew it was you, Bunny! You broke my heart!!!

*Sneaky Bunny's eyes go wide, but she never has a chance to say anything as Charlie kicks Snarf in the stomach and sends him to the mat with the Tower of London. Not done, Charlie lifts Snarf up, and finishes him off with Big Business. Louie leaves the ring, along with the rest of the Family Business. Sneaky just stands there, stunned, looking at the bloodied bodies of King Snarf and Joe Mama, lying in the ring. The Family surrounds Louie as the Godfather theme begins to play. When they get to the stage, they collectively turn to face Sneaky Bunny, as she is attacked from behind with a chair shot from Lor. Lor locks Sneaky in La Pagliaccia. Louie Screams from the stage.*

LB: You don't ever betray the Family!!!