RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 9.20.05

Monroe: Tonight, we've got three number one contenders matches!

Marcum: Three? It feels like more!

Monroe: Well, one of them is a hardcore battle royal-

Marcum: Not just any hardcore battle royal! This is El Superbeasto's Former Hardcore Porn Champion Invitational Battle Royal!

Monroe: And then there is the tag team number one contenders match-

Marcum: Howlerama will finally break up the band!

Monroe: And finally, we've got the Big Cheese Belt number one contenders match!

Marcum: It's a crime that Charlie is forced to fight Tommy Savitz tonight when he should be the number one contender!

Monroe: Maybe according to you. What is a crime is having not one, but two titles on the line on Havoc!

Marcum: Two titles? On a Tuesday night?

Monroe: That's right! The Lightweight Faggot Belt and the Boobie Belt are both on the line!

Marcum: Can it be coincidence that one of those titles is the Boobie Belt?

Monroe: ...

Marcum: What?

Monroe: Don't go anywhere folks! The Havoc starts now!

El Superbeasto's Former Hardcore Porn Champion Invitational Battle Royal single choice

JQ (5%, 3 Votes)

Zod (5%, 3 Votes)

UltimateJaburg53 (3%, 2 Votes)

Urg (5%, 3 Votes)

Chris Oakley (34%, 22 Votes)

Captain Howdy (6%, 4 Votes)

TK-069 (5%, 3 Votes)

Wednesday (6%, 4 Votes)

Darth (18%, 12 Votes)

Bibbo (5%, 3 Votes)

PenWing (9%, 6 Votes)

Total Votes: 65 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 10:13 AM

Trip to the vet! single choice

Charlie (69%, 41 Votes)

Tommy Savitz (31%, 18 Votes)

Total Votes: 59 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 10:13 AM

Tag Titles #1 Contenders Match single choice

Tuesday Night Rockers (61%, 38 Votes)

Howlerama (39%, 24 Votes)

Total Votes: 62 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 10:13 AM

Women's Boobie Belt Mud Wrestling Match single choice

Sneaky Bunny (c) (39%, 25 Votes)

Lor (61%, 39 Votes)

Total Votes: 64 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 10:13 AM

Lightweight Faggot Title single choice

Johnny Evil (c) (32%, 20 Votes)

Spandex Monkey Man (68%, 43 Votes)

Total Votes: 63 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 10:13 AM

Big Cheese Belt #1 Contenders Match 3 Man Elimination Match single choice

Captain Sammitch (39%, 25 Votes)

Nowhereman (38%, 24 Votes)

Balls Nasty (23%, 15 Votes)

Total Votes: 64 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-12 10:13 AM

*The Crotch is walking backstage when he hears a soft, sweet, sexy voice call out for him. He turns the corner and stops in his tracks as he comes face to face with Lor.*

Crotch: Whoa, Lor, I thought my attorney made it clear that you are not to come within one hundered feet of me, sweety.

Lor: Oh, I know that, darlin. Its just, <sighs> I feel so terrible about the way I've been treating you. I completely understand that your only option was to file a restraining order against me. That, or wearing full body armor, which your to hansome to cover that body up. But who else is there to interview me 'round here?

*Lor looks innocently up at the Crotch with her big green eyes filled with tears as shes about to cry.*

Crotch: I could call King Snarf Rules down here.

Lor: <shakes her head> Something tells me he won't be around anymore.

Crotch: Um, what about Chesty Lerou?

Lor: <sighs> Nope. She's too busy with her hunny.

Crotch: How about Joey Byles?

Lor: Yeeaauuch! You want me to defile myself by standing next to some third-rate company-less loser? Oh Crotch, I thought you liked me, darlin?

Crotch: Of course I like you, sweety, but even I can't do anything about that now. I filed a restraining order.

*Lor whips out a piece of paper.*

Lor: You mean this restraining order?

Crotch: How did you get that?

Lor: Does it matter? If you tear up this restraining order, darlin, then I can be within a hundered feet of you. In fact, I can be a lot closer than that. <wink>

Crotch: I, I can't. I'm really sorry, sweety, but my jaw still stings from that right you gave me a few weeks ago.

Lor: Ooo, are you sure, darlin? And here I was about to give you some...pie.

Crotch: P-pie? W-what kind of pie?

Lor: Oh, you know...my own very special recipe. <grins>

*The Crotch's mouth starts to water as he looks over Lor.*

Crotch: Um, but the thing is, sweety the restrainig order is out of my hands.

*Lor holds out the legal document and ogled him with her big green eyes.*

Lor: If you tear it up, darlin then there won't be any more restraining order.

*The Crotch snatches the paper and rips it to shreads. He then tosses the pieces of paper up in the air.*

Lor: See, that wasn't so...hard, was it?

Crotch: No, not at all. So, uh, I guess I should... interview, yea interveiw you now.

Lor: You could do that...unless you want your pie first?

Crotch: <eyes wide open> Um...s-sure. S-sounds good to me.

*Lor turns around and bends over, reaching towards the ground. The Crotch just stands there, staring with his head cocked.*

Crotch: <gulps> R-right here? N-now?

*Lor picks a small box up off the ground and turns back to face the Crotch, sweetly smiles all the way.*

Lor: Why not, no one will see us! Here you go!

Crotch: <surprised> That's the.... pie?

Lor: It is in deedy. My own special recipe, darlin! Go ahead, open it up and take in that aroma!

*The Crotch opens the lid a crack and takes a few cauious sniffs.*

Crotch: Wow! That does smell good! I had no idea you knew how to bake, Lor, sweety!

Lor: Oh, I'm just full of suprises. Well, darlin, what are you waiting for? Take a lick. <wink>

*The Crotch opens the lid and takes a finger full of pie. He places it in his mouth, and suddenly his expression changes from one of delight to one of utter disgust. He immediately begins to spit it out.*

Crotch: Yuck! What is this?

Lor: <looking all sad> You don't like my pie?

Crotch: Don't like it!? It's terrible! What did you put in it?

Lor: Mud.

Crotch: Mud?

Lor: Mud. As in mud pie. Here, have the rest!

*Lor stuffs the pie onto the Crotch's face. He quickly backs off and starts cleaning the mud off.*

Crotch: You bitch! I can't believe you just did that to me! And here I tore up the restraining or- oh no!

*Lor giggles then swiftly kicks him in the nuts and grabs his head as he leans over, delivering a Punch & Judy. Lor then slips seductively her hand into the Crotch's pocket and pulls out a mic. She turns it on and stand up.*

Lor: Are you paying attention, Sneaky, hun? You think a mud wrestling match is going to slow me down? Hunny, mud pies are my specialty! Say goodbye to the Boobie Belt, hun, because after tonight, you will never see that title again!

*Lor drops the mic, her nails clicking off of it and sexily walks off down the hall sloftly singing...

Lor: these boots where made for walk'n, and baby I'm gonna walk all over you...

*Lor does a little shake and hums the rest of the song down the hall as Havoc goes to break.*

*Chesty Lerou is outside the cheesedome in a parking structure, wearing a strapless chrome beaded top and a extremely short blue leather skirt. She is holding a microphone. With her is sneaky bunny leaning against a pilar in lesser form fitting and classy jeans and t-shirt.

Chesty: Sneaks, last month at SummerScam, we saw your Boobie belt title. You had your way with Lor and blooded her with a pair some brass knuckles, and they were also used against you, any comments?

SB: Eh....

*sneaky bunny pulls out a pack of smokes. She slips one between her lips and goes to light it.*

SB: You mind?

Chesty: Uhh, no, go ahead.

SB: Yeah, Last month, the world watched as Lor and I had a spectacular match....Lor's a defy nobody, a doltish B-girl. I i have no regress on how that match went, or the brass knuckles, or the fact i lost a tooth to that pedagree. OH...thank you Dr. Lipnik.

*sneaky bunny takes a drag while chesty prepares for the next question.*

Chesty: and your match tonight?

SB: Yep, mud *cough* I would of gotten the pin if Lor didn't disqualify herself. and i'll do so tonight. The little wanker want another shot at the title, fine. She can't keep sticking her nose in places it doesn't belong forever, eventually she'll be worn down to the point a black retarded midget could take her.

chesty: But mud?

SB: uh-huh, c'mon chesty feel. i don't stay that way from daily nooners. plus, saves me some on my car-- my spa membership.

Chesty: oooh, nice...anything else?

*sneaky bunny reachs for a bag hooked on a belt loop. she pulls out a white folded rod. with a few shakes the rod slides together into a four foot stick. bunny flips it so the end with a metal tip is upward*

SB: chesty, gimme your finger.

*a nervous chesty reaches out, bunny grasp her hand. She presses chesty's index finger onto the metal spike*

SB: See that? blood.

*bunny slurps the beads of blood off chesty's finger and wraps a looney tunes band-aid over it*

SB: quite tasty too. Now Lor, i have a bottle of France's finnest vodka in my locker. and i'm cravin' a bloody mary.

Monroe: Thats nasty

Macrum: that was HAWT

SB: Well Chesty, I'm off, see you at the club.

*sneaky bunny twirls the stick a few times and walks off through the parking structure pathway. havoc fades to commerical with the sound of the stick clicking against the payment.*

Pariah: Kurt Angle sucks!

*Bad Company fills the arena as Balls Nasty walks down to the ring with a mic in hand. He's not wearing his ring gear. Instead, he's in jeans, work boots, and a NASCAR tank top.*

Last week, you saw me do what needed to be done. I gave Slick Willie a concussion and dropped El Superbreasto like a bad habit. Louie, you may have wanted to make me your Crown Jewel, but there was one major flaw in your plan. Balls Nasty doesn't hop around on command like those trained monkeys you have under contract. I'm not here in the RDCW to win you gold and recognition.

*Nasty's tone quiets down a bit.*

You see, folks, I've been doing a little thinking. I wondered why I hadn't soared to the top like I should have. I realized that there was something wrong in my life. Balls Nasty was being held down by the life he was leading. So I took a long walk to think about it. Not here in Roboken, mind you. This town is a shit pile. But I took a walk never-the-less.

As I made my way through the city streets, I found myself drawn to one building in particular. In it were people of strong conviction and inner strength. They sat me down and talked with me. They gave me the insight to see what was really wrong. Why one of the greatest wrestlers to ever lace up a pair of boots wasn't at the top of his game. They gave me the knowledge and the confidence to push myself to where I need to be. With their spiritual instruction I will win the number one contender's bout that I signed up for tonight and continue on to be the Heavyweight Cheese Champion. I can do this because I now understand why I haven't advanced like I should have. Balls Nasty knows who's to blame for his failures.

*Nasty's voice raises as he points out over the audience.*

YOU!

That's right! All of you are to blame. You pissant fans who would rather cheer some shitty gimmick all painted up and covered in glitter so you can have some cheesey onliner on a t-shirt and poster than to watch an experienced, technically sound wrestler display the skills and power of the perfect human speciman. You self serving managers and valets who jump aboard someone's band wagon and try and drain as much fame and money off of someone else's hard work. You ass kissing bookers and writers who fear progression and hold back the greatest talent you've ever seen because you are afraid of the grand possibilities that he will unlock. And finally, you greedy administrators who only want the status quo in your ring and not challenge the fans' preconceived notions of what wrestling is so that you can keep scooping up the revenue from the memorabilia stands.

My new Scientologist friends have taught me that I am not the reason things go wrong in my life. It's the people around me like you and Slick Willie who are dragging me down to the bottom with them. I am a supreme being who is constantly bombarded with your stupidity and holding me back. Not anymore! Tonight, Balls Nasty breaks free and shows the RDCW and the rest of the world what a true champion looks like.

*The Crotch is recovering backstage with El Superbeasto and Louie Bastardo.

Crotch: El Superbeasto. . .give me a second. . .oww. . .tonight you've put together a former Hardcore Porn Champion Invitational Battle Royal to determine the number one contender to your championship. Is there anyone in particular you hope to face at Uncircumsized?

ES: I do not care. El Superbeasto is mas macho. It does not matter who wins.

Crotch: Not even if it's. . .

The Crotch looks around nervously.

Crotch: Darth?

ES: Puta Darth is unworthy of Hardcore Porn title! I have destroyed him at SummerScam! I am not worried about that maricone. However, tonight am planning big celebration for my Hardcore Porn title win, and I will show senorita Chesty what true lucha style means!

Superbeasto and Louie laugh at this and the Crotch seems to lighten up a bit.

Crotch: But what about last week and your encounter with Balls Nasty?

ES: Balls Nasty is little chihuahua who think he is big, bad lobo. Balls Nasty is not worthy of Hardcore Porn title shot or any title shot! And tonight, El Superbeasto will make sure that Balls Nasty pays for leaving the Family!

LB: Let's go, we've got a battle royal to supervise.

Superbeasto and Louie walk off camera as the Crotch realizes he's alone in the hallway. He hears a noise from offstage and shrieks loudly.

Crotch: Hey guys! Guys! Can I go too? Wait up!

*The Crotch is running down the hall but as he turns the corner he runs into Chesty Lerou, knocking her down. He is about to help her up when he sees Darth standing next to her. The Crotch lets out another shriek and runs away in the opposite direction. Darth helps Chesty back to her feet.*

Chesty: This just isn't my day. First, Sneaky pricks my finger and gets all vampy on me, and now I'm getting knocked down in the hall! (Chesty pauses and smiles at Darth) Still, I guess it was worth it just to see the look on that coward's face.

Darth: This federation is filled with cowards. It makes me sick to think about who is holding some of the titles. Fearful turds like MisterJLA and Captain Howdy.

Chesty: You know, JLA has been getting more bold with his advances. He's starting to scare me.

Darth: In time, it will be he who fears you. For all will beware the power, of the darksiiiiiiiddde.

*Darth and Chesty continue walking down the hall towards the stage area.*

Camera fades to backstage area,where Chris Oakley is standing by with Joey Biles.

JOEY:I'm talking right now with a former and possibly future RDCW hardcore champion,acting Bond Brigade leader Chris Oakley....Chris,in tonight's battle royal you'll be going up against some of RDCW's most legendary hardcore stars,including your longtime archnemesis PenWing and Darth,the leader of the Dark Lords.Does that make you nervous at all?
CHRIS:Nervous?(laughs)Not on your life.I'm itching to mix it up with every single guy who comes into that ring....my only regret is that Balls Nasty isn't in the battle royal.I'd love to kick the crap out of him--did you hear the way he trashed the fans earlier?
JOEY:Indeed I did.(ponders Chris' last comment)Does this mean we might possibly see you and Nasty square off at Uncircumsized?
CHRIS:I hope not...for HIS stake.Getting back to tonight's battle royal,I'm going to make a guarantee right here and now:Not only will I win the battle royal,but I'm going to go on to beat El Superbeasto for the hardcore title,and after that I'm going to run the entire Bastardo Family out of RDCW!(Huge pops from the crowd watching the interview on the Cheese-O-Tron)
JOEY:That's an awful lot to take on your shoulders,Chris...
CHRIS:Yeah,well,the Bastardos don't have Joke Mama to bail them out anymore,so it shouldn't be too much of a problem.Louie,I hope you and Sweet Willie Williams have updated your resumes,because when I'm through your precious Family Business will be filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy!!
(More pops from the crowd.)
And one more thing:to my opponents in tonight's battle royal--I'm going to knock you assholes over like bowling pins and toss you out of the ring like yesterday's trash.(meaningful pause)And PenWing,your name's at the top of my hit list.
(Chris walks back to the Bond Brigade dressing room as Joey turns to the camera.)
JOEY:Back to ringside!

*Meeko walks into the SDC locker room to find PenWing sitting on a bench preparing for the battle royal.*

Meeko: You sure you want to get back into hardcore? You don't have anything left to prove.

PenWing: You're half right, Meeko. To the guys in this match, to El Superbeasto, I have nothing to prove. All of us have held the Hardcore Porn Title. All of us know what to expect of ourselves out there. But to the fans, if I stop proving myself to them, then what am I here for?

Meeko: You're here because you're one of the best this business has to offer. You've proven that.

PenWing: No, I've proven that I can be one of the best. But I can only stay at the top if I'm willing to put forth the effort to remain there. Win or lose, the fans will see me out there. They'll see me give my all against impossible odds, and they'll see how big my heart is. And that's all that matters in the end. Not the titles I've held. Not the matches I've won. All that matters is that I'm out there, putting it all on the line, all the time.

*Meeko picks up a recently taped Sherwood and hands it to PenWing.*

Meeko: Well, if I can't talk you back to your senses, do me a favor?

PenWing: Anything.

Meeko: Watch your back. Oakers is going to be gunning for you in particular out there.

PenWing: <grinning> I doubt he's the only one. But if he focuses too much on me, he's not going to last long in there. <PenWing stands up> When Sammitch gets here, tell him no matter what happens next, I've got his back if he needs me.

*PenWing walks out the door. Meeko just stands there with a concerned look on her face as the camera fades.*

Oh Shawn,Shawn!!!
I think I'm cute
I know I'm sexy
I got the moves that drives the girls wild!

James White:"Making his way to the ring......HBK,Shawn Nocheals!"

Marcum:"What the fuck?"

Monroe:"It says on this piece of paper HBK,Horrible Bloody Kunt!"

Marcum:"..."

HBK makes his way to the ring wearing what looks like some kinda gimp suit of armour

NM:"Well,well,well whats the Horrible Bloody Kunt doing out here right now,I hear you say. Shouldnt he be warming up for his number one contenders match tonight?"

NM looks around,basking in the adulation of the fans

NM:"Well Shawn Nochaels has been in this business 275 years,he has held every title in the RDCW,including the womens belt.
HBK has won the RDCW Rumble after entering at number one & personally threw 167 other superstars over the top rope.
This sexy boy broke his back posing for you fans,but after 56 years of rest I made my comeback,just for you guys!"

NM mugs to the crowd for more adulation

NM:"Now its been a longgggggggggggg while since I had a crack at the heavyweight cheese belt,and quite frankly its been painful watching the kind of trash that has held that belt in recent times!"

Crowd chants "Snarf cry baby!"

NM:"Yup,we had what appears to be an overgrown baby in the form of Queen Snafu,what would seem to be some kinda Richard Simmons clone in the form of PenWimp & now Jabba the hutt seems to be wearing the belt in the form of Joan Mammary!"

Crowd chants "Show us your tits Joan!"

NM:"None of those are too impressive to carry the name of this company,but they at least are better than the two guys I am gonna defeat tonight.
What kinda wrestling company would we be if we had pathetic champions like Captain Sumbitch or Sweaty Balls?"

Crowd laughs

NM:"So to save you fans from having to look at those sad excuses,I Shawn Nocheals will become the number one contender tonight,and after that I will take that rather enlarged belt from around the waist of Joan The Hutt!
I thank you!"

Sexy boy starts playing again as NM walks up the ramp way

Marcum:"..."

*Joey Biles smugly steps into the ring, mic in hand.

Monroe: What the hell? Who hired this guy?

MarcuM: I think he hired himself!

Biles: Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I would like to introduce to you. . .

*Biles is interrupted as Pantera's "Cemetary Gates" explodes over the sound system and the arena goes dark. Black lights wash over the arena as the Dark Lords (Grimm, Darth, and Pig Iron) accompanied by Chesty Lerou make their way down to the ring. The group make their way into the ring and surround Biles.

Biles: . . .The Dark Lords?!

*Biles tries to recover his composure and sticks the mic in Grimm's face.

Biles: I take it your contract negotiations went well.

Grimm: They did.

Biles: Well?

*Grimm clamps Biles' shoulder in a vise.

Grimm: Joeeyyyy Billleess. . .what is it you do here again? When did you first arrive? Oh yes, during that meaningless XPW bullshit. And who exactly hired you to work for RDCW? Nobody? Is that right?

Biles: . . .well. . .

Darth: Answer him.

Biles: Technically, I'm on a probationary period. . .

Pig Iron: Period. Heh.

Grimm: So you don't really work here. And there's really no reason for you to be out here right now, is there, Joey?

Biles: Well. . .no.

Grimm: Leave. Now. Before I let my friends have my way with you.

*Biles hands off the mic to the waiting Chesty Lerou before he gingerly steps out of the ring and walks back to the locker room at a brisk pace.

Chesty: Hee hee! That was fun! Grimm, you've just resigned with the RDCW at a much higher salary, with better benefits, and I hear a great dental plan! What's in store for you and the Dark Lords now?

Grimm: You're so right, Chesty. It's as I've said for months now. The Dark Days are coming to the RDCW. And now that the relatively small matter of contractual business has been dealt with, we can deal with business in the ring. We have an agenda. And we mean to follow it.

The Dark Lords have unfinished business in RDCW. There are many people out there right now with targets on their backs. Some of them know this, like the Allied Powers, and attempt to hide behind security guards and hired help.

*Darth smirks and rolls his eyes at the memory of Jeeves falling in a heap last week as JLA and Howdy scurried out of the ring.

Grimm: Some, like Joe Mama, attempt to hide their fear behind false bravado and open challenges. He made his open challenge knowing full well that I was in contractual limbo and hoping against hope that things wouldn't work themselves out and that I'd leave RDCW for other options. Well, it didn't happen.

And there are still others, yet unaware of their targets. But they'll know soon enough. You see, everyone in this game has their role to play. And when the time is right, they will learn it. Because I am the puppet master. And I pull the strings.

Chesty: That's quite a mouthful! Darth?

Darth: Fear the power of the darksiiiiide!!!

Pig Iron: Irony is a dish best served cold.

Grimm: The Dark Days are here. Abandon all hope.

El Superbeasto's Former Hardcore Porn Champion Invitational Battle Royal
Chris Oakley over JQ, Zod, Jaburg, Urg, Capt. Howdy, TK, Wednesday, Darth, Bibbo, and PenWing

Del Castillo's "Back From the Grave" begins to play as the Hardcore Porn Champion El Superbeasto and Louie Bastardo make their way down to ringside. They step into the ring and begin to speak.

LB: Tonight, you losers are about to witness a historic event! As the greatest Hardcore Porn Champion of all time, El Superbeasto has issued the invitation to all former Hardcore Porn titleholders to take part in this battle royal to determine who will challenge for the title at Uncircumsized!

Monroe: Greatest Champion? He hasn't even defended the betl since he won it!

MarcuM: He doesn't need to! Let the so called challengers prove themselves first!

LB: Let the battle begin!

Louie and Superbeasto take seats at ringside as the competitors make their way down one by one. Lothar motions for the bell to be rung and everyone jumps into the fray!

Half the competitors target Urg, while the other half target Darth. Both monsters fight them off until their standing nose to nose in the center of the ring!

The behemoths begin to brawl and people start pairing off. Chris Oakley picks up a metal ladder and begins swinging wildly, knocking Jaburg over the top rope and sending Zod headfirst into JQ! They collide as Howdy hits a Howdyslam on JQ and sends him over the top!

TK and Wednesday hit a double dropkick on Bibbo, and he goes flying over the top! The Playaz Club members celebrate with some high fives until PenWing nails them both with a Sherwood! He goes to toss Wednesday out, but TK breaks it up with a cookie sheet to the head!

Darth and Urg continue their battle, fighting into the corner. Darth is pounding away at Urg, who tries to resist. Urg goes for a comeback, but as he does, Superbeasto stands up and walks over to him, smashing a huge bottle of tekilla over the caveman's head!

Urg staggers out of the corner and Darth hits a Darkside Slam, allowing him to toss the caveman over the top!

Monroe: El Superbeasto's interfering in the match!

MarcuM: It's his match, his rules!

Chris Oakley hits a Red Alert on Zod and sends him over, before Howdy nails a low blow! TK climbs to the top to attempt an aerial maneuver, but PenWing throws Wednesday into the ropes and TK lands on the rope! Darth shoves him over and out to the floor and sends Wednesday hurling out for good measure!

Monroe: The Dark Lord appears to be unstoppable, Madman!

MarcuM: He could go all the way tonight!

Monroe: The final four! Darth, Howdy, PenWing, and Oakley! Who will win?

Howdy circles Darth as PenWing and Oakley renew their battle. Howdy's leg, injured earlier, begins to bother him again, as Darth moves in to choke him in the corner. Darth whips him across the ring, but Howdy stumbles and drops before hitting the ropes. JLA walks out from backstage and begins yelling at Howdy about getting hurt. JLA climbs on the ring apron and Howdy pulls himself to his feet as the two continue arguing.

Darth impacts into Howdy with a spear, sending him out of the ring as the Allied Powers hit the floor!

Monroe: Is what the future holds? Could we see the Dark Lords taking down the Allied Powers for the titles?

MarcuM: MisterJLA would never let that happen!

Back in the ring Oakley and PenWing have continued to batter each other with various forms of plunder, including but not limited to chairs, stop signs, a ring bell, and a Frank Sinatra album. Oakley has grabbed a piece of wire and is choking PenWing out with it.

Darth heads over and batters Oakley with an axehandle and picks him up for a Sabre Stretch! He drops Oakley and tosses PenWing out of the ring and to the floor.

At that moment Prometheus drops down through a skylight, landing in the middle of the ring. He has had adequate prep time and is prepared for every eventuality. He lights a cigarette and inhales deeply. He looks around and begins to speak.

Pro: Okay, Chewy, this is what we need to do-wait. . .this isn't TOMB! I'm in the wrong universe!

Pro snaps his fingers and disappears in a burst of violet light as everyone in the arena looks confused.

Darth circles back around and picks up Oakley. He tosses Oakley over to the ropes and nails him with a clothesline. He hits a Sabre Stretch and seems to be ready to toss Oakley out.

Monroe: Darth seems ready to take it all here!

MarcuM: Oakley's a goner for sure!

Darth gorilla presses Oakley and prepares to toss him when El Superbeasto climbs into the ring holding a pinata shaped like a burro. He nails Darth in the back with the pinata and the Dark Lord goes down. Darth drops down and Oakley lands on top of him. Superbeasto rips apart the pinata, revealing a large sewer lid inside it. He laughs and tosses the lid aside before leaving the ring and heading to the back.

Monroe: What the hell was that?!

MarcuM: He wasted the chance to eliminate both of them!

Oakley and Darth slowly get to their feet, pullng themselves up by the ringropes. Darth charges in, but Oakley hits a kick to the

Fat Retard: STERNUM!!!

and hits a Red Alert. He picks up the sewer lid and hits Darth in the face, sending the Dark Lord into the ropes. Oakley follows up with a Kill 'Em All dropkick that sends Darth out of the ring!

"Rooster' cues up as the Bond Brigade members run down to the ring and lift Oakley up on their shoulders in celebration!

Monroe: Oakley wins! Oakley wins! Oakley wins!

PostMatch:
*PenWing is walking backstage, headed for his locker room when he passes Charlie, standing in the hallway. Charlie speaks.

Charlie: Bit of a laugh, isn't it? You getting tossed out like that when you used to own the Hardcore Porn division. But then I guess it shouldn't come as much of a surprise since you dropped the big belt to a loser like Joe Mama.

PenWing becomes irate and shoves Charlie up against the wall.

PenWing: "You don't get it, do you? I've been there, I've got nothing left to prove. You, on the other hand, what exactly have you done since you got here? I mean, without the help of Howlerama and Slick Willie?"

Charlie becomes very unnerved and motions for PenWing to release him.

Charlie: Hey, man, it was just a rib, you know? I din't mean nuffin by it! Cool out.

*PenWing begins to calm down and releases Charlie. He starts to walk away when Charlie hits a savage Tower of London, dropping him on the hall floor. Charlie begins pounding away at PenWing's head, busting him open and bloodying him up.

His savage assault continues until Capt. Sammitch runs in, chasing Charlie off down the hallway. Sammitch returns and helps PenWing back to their locker room.

Trip To The Vet: Charlie versus Tommy Savitz

The Family Enforcer took the fight to the Tuesday Night Rocker. Tommy Savitz put up as much of a fight as possible, but Charlie would not be denied his victory. Using he speed advantage, Charlie brutalized his opponent with a borderline hardcore style that kept Tommy Savitz off-balance. Taking a page out of the playbook of the Family’s previous Enforcer, Charlie used the Enforcer spinebuster to set up his new finisher - the Tower Of London (RKO) – and get the pin.


Tag Team Title - #1 Contender’s Match: Tuesday Night Rockers versus Howlerama

This second showdown between the Family and the Tuesday Night Rockers was a little bit more even, though the end result was drastically different. Highwayman and Two-Ton Tommy were evenly matched and neither one could gain the upper hand over the other. Once Howler and James Fantastic entered the match, things started to change. Though Howler had a distinct size and strength advantage, James Fantastic was able to use his speed and high-risk moves to turn the tide in his team’s favor. While James worked on Howler, Two-Ton Tommy clotheslined Highwayman off the ring apron and onto the ring florr, stunning him long enough for the Tuesday Night Rockers to execute the Tuesday Night Spectacular for the pin and the victory. The Tuesday Night Rockers will be facing the Allied Powers at Uncircumcised!

(After The Match…)

Monroe: And with that win the Tuesday Night Rockers have earned a title match against JLA and Howdy, the Tag Team Champion Allied Powers!

What the...?

MisterJLA and...Jeeves?

JLA and his loyal butler have rushed The Rockers, and are attacking them in the ring!

Monroe: Of all the nerve! The Rockers have just fought a tough battle, and JLA and Jeeves must be trying to hurt them before their title match at Uncircumcised!

Marcum: What a brilliant strategy! JLA didn't even wrestle tonight, so he's at full strength to give The Rockers a beating!
But why isn't Howdy helping him, instead of Jeeves?

Monroe: That proves it! After their problems last week, Howdy has left the team!

Marcum: Or maybe he's too hurt from the Hardcore Battle Royale to come down here and help!

Before long, Two Ton Tommy overpowers Jeeves, and throws him over the top rope. He then assists James Fantastic, who was trapped in JLA's "Justice Lock of America"!



Two Ton grabs JLA, and powerbombs him. Jeeves reaches under the bottom rope, and drags JLA out of the ring. The two then scramble to safety.

Monroe: Fantastic may have suffered some damage to his ankle! And will Howdy and JLA put their problems aside in time for Uncircumcised?

Marcum: I don't know, but it will be the greatest PPV EVER!


Women's Boobie Belt Mud Wrestling Match: Sneaky Bunny versus Lor

It was match no one will soon forget. Once both competitors entered the mud-filled ring, what was supposed to be some form of wrestling turned into a straight out fight as they began throwing each other into the mud. At one point, Lor tried to drown Sneaky while locking her in Harlequinaid, but a grab of the ropes forced a break of the hold. Both women found themselves losing pieces of clothing as they slipped in the mud and grabbed each other for support.

Monroe: This is turning out to be one messy match!

Marcum: I think I just saw some boobies! WOO!!! I love it!!!

It wasn’t long before Lothar found himself face first in a pile of mud, and that's when Sneaky tried to hit Lor with a loaded punch. Lor dropped as Sneaky tried to connect with a right, and kicked her legs out from under her. Sneaky fell down hard, and Lor quickly got back to her feet to end the match with The Last Laugh. Lothar got his head up just in time to count the pin. Lor took a few moments to feed Sneaky Bunny a few mud pies before Lothar pulled the new Women’s Champion off her fallen opponent and demanded that she leave the ring. As Lor made her way up the ramp, Sneaky was on her hands and knees spitting out mud. Lothar went to help her up, but she grabbed a handful and shoved it in his mouth.

Monroe: That was uncalled for!

Marcum: Sneaky just shared some mud pie with Lothar. What's wrong with that?

Lightweight Faggot Title: Johnny Evil versus Spandex Monkey Man

*Johnny Evil's music hit as the two time Lightweight Faggot Champion made his way down to ringside on a pair of crutches. Ariel and Big Fat Elvis accompanied him, helping him into the ring. As the trio made their way in, Johnny Evil addressed the crowd.

JE: As you people can clearly see, I am not able to compete tonight. As I was injured last week when Spandex Monkey Man dropped Big Fat Elvis on top of me, requiring me to have multiple operations on my knee.

Monroe: That's not what happened!

MarcuM: That's exactly what happened! Stop being so biased, Monroe!

Monroe: He's lying to the fans!

JE: Now as this match was scheduled, and I will not be able to compete for the forseeable future, I have been ordered by RDCW officials to come out here and forfeit the championship to the number one contender, Spandex Monkey Man. So, Spamm, come on out here, and I'll give you the belt.

*Spamm's music hits as the superhero heads down to ringside. He looks a bit unhappy. He steps into the ring and takes the mic.

Spamm: Johnny, I just want you to know that this isn't how I wanted to win the championship and that I take no pleasure in your injury. Once you've recovered, if I'm still the champion, you have a shot at the belt no questions asked.

JE: I know, Spamm, and thanks.

Johnny Evil hands Spamm the belt and raises his hand in the air as the crowd applauds. As Spamm moves to pose with the belt, Johnny hits him from behind with one of his crutches.

Monroe: That. . .that. . .

MarcuM: evil?

Monroe: That evil bastard!

Johnny motions for BFE to pick up Spamm and hold him. BFE does so as Johnny takes another shot with the crutch, barely managing to stay on his own feet.

As Johnny picks up the belt and prepares to nail Spamm with it, the arena goes dark.

Monroe: What's this?

MarcuM: I got a bad feeling about this.

"Cemetary Gates" cues up as the Dark Lords (Grimm, Darth, and Pig Iron) head down to ringside. The Dark Lords storm the ring and beatdown Johnny and BFE. Pig Iron hits BFE with a flying Pig on the Wing as Darth and Grimm pummel Johnny Evil. Darth puts Johnny in a Sabre Stretch and releases him into a vicious Triple 6 Bomb from Grimm.

The trio then turn to BFE, beating down the Elvis impersonator as Ariel helps Johnny out of the ring. Finally, Spamm makes his way back to his feet as he realizes who's left in the ring with him. The Dark Lords beatdown Spamm, hitting him with a double chokeslam before picking him up and carrying out of the ring and to the back. The crowd is left in stunned silence.

Monroe: Fans. . .I'm not quite sure what we just witnessed here. . .

MarcuM: The Dark Lords just beat the hell out of everyone! That's fucked up! That ain't right!

Monroe: Fans. . .we'll be back with our main event!


Big Cheese Title - #1 Contender’s Match – Three Man Elimination Rules

As his entrance music played, Captain Sammitch was the first to come to the ring. As the crowd cheered and chanted his name, he played up to the crowd, hyping them even further. Then HBK’s music started and Shawn Nocheals entered the ring. Finally, as “Bad Company” blasted over the speakers, Balls Nasty came out. With all three men in the ring, staring each other down, the match was set to go. However, there was no referee to start the match…

“Faded” cued up and Joe Mama walked out to the ring in his black jeans, work boots, and his Red Sox jersey (#33). All three men looked ready to jump the Big Cheese Champion as he dropped off his Big Cheese Title, grabbed a microphone and entered the ring.

JM: All I wanted to do tonight was sit back, drink a few beers, and watch you three tear each other apart. Maybe I’d hang out with the announce crew and talk about how Captain Sammitch’s life passed before his eyes the last time we locked up and he has a new lease on life. Maybe I’d talk about how Balls Nasty’s turn to Scientology just makes him a gayer version of Tom Cruise…without the charm. Or maybe I’d talk about how much I love watching the former Hellion and GM of the RDCW work through his midlife crisis. But I can’t do that tonight. Y’know why? Because the refs are too scared of this match to officiate it. They think you three pose as much danger to them as you do to each other. So Doc, in his infinite wisdom, drafted me to referee the #1 Contender’s Match.

Joe Mama took of his Varitek jersey, revealing referee stripes, and tossed it to the crowd.

JM: Let’s get this thing started!!!

Joe Mama motioned to the timekeeper, who rang the bell, and the match began.

Monroe: There are three solid competitors in this match. The question is, which one will come out on top?

Marcum: The better question is, will Joe Mama be able to keep control of this match? Or does he even want to?

The three competitors clashed in the center of the ring, taking turns bludgeoning each other with various chops, punches, and kicks. The big men turned on Captain Sammitch and started working him over, backing him into a corner where they took turns alternating between punching and choking him. Joe Mama was steady in his counts to break the chokeholds, but didn’t try to pull either Nocheals or Nasty away from Sammitch.

Monroe: Shouldn’t Joe Mama be pulling them out of the corner?

Marcum: He’s letting them fight it out! He either wants his challenger nice and weak going into Uncircumcised or he wants his challenger to prove himself!

As Captain Sammitch slid to the mat, semi-conscious Shawn Nocheals, sensing his opening, drove a fist into Balls Nasty’s face. The Scientologist stumbled back and HBK pushed his advantage by using a Fuck-Off Slam to send Balls Nasty crashing to the ring floor. Then Nocheals went back to the corner, dragged Sammitch to the center of the ring, and…

Monroe: Shawn Nocheals puts the Crippler Cuntface on Sammitch! He may tap out!

Joe Mama knelt in front of Captain Sammitch, looking for any sign of the submission. Sammitch, running on adrenaline and pain, struggled to reach the ropes or break the hold. With nowhere to escape, it looked like Sammitch was about to be the first man eliminated…until Balls Nasty reentered the ring and planted his boot right across HBK's face. Then Nasty rolled Nocheals away and turned Sammitch onto his back for the pin. As Joe Mama made the two count, Nocheals grabbed Nasty's ankle and pulled him out of the pin.

Both men stared each other down; each visibly upset with the other's meddling. Nasty delivered a Knife-edge chop to Nocheals's chest, but HBK stood strong and returned the hit as a show of endurance began in the ring with each chop landing with more intensity. Balls Nasty finally threw a punch to the side of Nocheals's head and followed up with an Irish Whip. But Nocheals was ready and executed a Fucking Cuntline on his return that sent both men over the top rope and to the outside of the ring. Captain Sammitch was able to recover and ran to the far ropes to attempt a flying tacking on both his opponents, but Joe Mama stood in his way and demanded that Sammitch stay back.

Monroe: Is Joe Mama working in Sammitch’s best interest? Or is he somehow trying to screw him over?

Marcum: Who knows why he does what he does? The flying tackle easily could’ve backfired! Or it could’ve taken out both, or all three, men!

Nocheals got to his feet and walked over to Nasty. HBK grabbed Nasty's hair to pull the man to his feet when Balls countered with a low blow. Nasty pulled himself to his feet and began to stomp on Nocheals. From the ramp, El Superbeasto entered at ringside with a steel chair. He snuck up behind Nasty and delivered a devastating blow to the back of the head with the chair. Balls Nasty fell to his knees as Superbeasto connected with another chair shot to the back. El Superbeasto dropped the chair and took a few steps back then he removed the protective mat to expose the Cheesedome's concrete floor.

Monroe: Oh my gawd! What's he doing?!

Marcum: Balls Nasty is about to learn that you don't fuck with The Family!

El Superbeasto picked Nasty up off the floor and walked him over to the exposed concrete. The Giant Luchador then executed a Chokeslam to Oblivion on the concrete. Blood began to pool around Balls Nasty's head. Finally Joe Mama began the count. Nocheals rolled himself back into the ring as El Superbeasto made his way to the back. Joe Mama then finished the ten count, eliminating Balls Nasty from the bout.

Monroe: Why did Joe Mama wait so long to start the count???

Marcum: He wanted to let the big men battle a bit! Who knew that a third big man would decide the first elimination?

Joe Mama turned as Nocheals and a fully rested Sammitch traded blows in the center of the ring. Once again, HBK took the advantage and Irish whipped his opponent into the ropes. But Sammitch was able to duck under the Fucking Cuntline, and stop his own momentum. Nocheals ricocheted off the ropes and into a Sammitch (Power) Slam. Captain Sammitch rushed to the top of a ring corner and, as Joe Mama was making the five count, attempted a Sammitch Splash. But Nocheals blocked it with his knees and Captain Sammitch rolled off in obvious pain. As both men lay in the ring, Joe Mama seemed to enjoy the view from one of the corners.

Monroe: Shouldn’t he be making a count out?

Marcum: There’s no way he’d do that! This match is to determine whom he’ll be facing at Uncircumcised! He wants a clear winner! Let ‘em get up and fight!!!

Once again, Nocheals was the first to his feet. As Sammitch struggled to get up, Nocheals hit him with a Cunt-Fu Kick, sending him out of the ring and onto the floor. HBK tried to follow him out to continue the fight, but Joe Mama stepped in front of him and forced him back to the center of the ring. Then Joe walked to the ropes and started the ten count. At three, Nocheals tried to move past him and get out of the ring but Joe Mama once again pushed him back to the center. Nocheal started yelling at Joe Mama, demanding that he let him get to Sammitch. But Joe Mama yelled back for him to stay back while he counted. Joe Mama restarted the count out and, this time, Nocheals stayed back…slipping out of the ring through the opposite ropes. At seven, Nocheals grabbed Sammitch and rolled him into the ring. Joe Mama continued the count. At nine, Nocheals reentered the ring. This time Nocheals and Joe Mama went nose to nose; Nocheal shouting about the continued count that almost cost him the match, Joe Mama pointing to his referee stripes, the bell keeper, and the ramp.

Marcum: Y’know, both men make a good point. Joe Mama IS the ref! But he should’ve let Shawn Nocheals out of the ring to beat on Sammitch!

Monroe: This is one of the strangest matches I’ve ever seen! And I saw King Snarf battle the cast of Saved By The Bell!

Joe Mama continued to shout at Shawn Nocheals, who took a step back and flashed him the English bird. But, in stepping back, he moved right into a waiting Captain Sammitch, who delivered three Sammitch (German) Suplexes. Then he moved to lock in the Sammitch Submission, but Nocheals was able to turn it into a small package. Fortunately, Sammitch was able to kick out. Shawn Nocheals attempted the arm bar that would set up a second Crippler Cuntface but was hit with a super kick.

Marcum: Oh, the IRONY!!!

Nocheals stumbled back but Sammitch pressed the advantage with a Sammitch Spin, sending HBK into the corner. Not wasting any time, Sammitch rushed to the corner and set up the Sammitch Slam. Nocheals crashed to the center of the ring and Captain Sammitch covered him. Though Joe Mama took his time with the count, Captain Sammitch did get the pin.

Monroe: Captain Sammitch did it! He’s facing the Big Cheese Champion at Uncircumcised!

Joe Mama raised his arm as Captain Sammitch celebrated in the center of the ring. Then Joe Mama stepped out, grabbed the Big Cheese Title, and returned to the ring. He showed it to Sammitch, who nodded and pointed to it, saying a few things to Joe Mama. Joe Mama nodded, draped the Title belt over his own shoulder, and offered his right hand for Captain Sammitch to shake. Sammitch debated whether to accept the gesture, looking to a decidedly mixed audience. Joe Mama went back and grabbed a microphone, then walked over to Sammitch.

JM: C’mon now…you won the match. You get the Title shot. Don’t be a poor winner. These fans want to see you and I shake like true competitors.

Joe Mama moved the microphone into his left hand and re-offered his right hand to shake. After another pause, Captain Sammitch relented and the two men shook hands while the audience cheered. Then Joe Mama pulled Sammitch towards him so they were nose to nose and brought the microphone up to his mouth.

JM: At Uncircumcised, I’m going to finish the job I started at Wargasms. I’m going to end your damn career!!!

Captain Sammitch: Give it your best shot!!!

The two men stared each other down, still shaking hands, as Havoc came to a close.