RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 3.28.06

The last Havoc before RobbleMania!

Tag Match single choice

MWO (Nova / Zod) (54%, 7 Votes)

Rebel Express (46%, 6 Votes)

Total Votes: 13 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-02 2:27 AM

Hotties Match single choice

Nuriko (31%, 4 Votes)

Lor (69%, 9 Votes)

Total Votes: 13 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-02 2:27 AM

6 Man Tag single choice

SDC (PenWing / Sammitch / Killconey) (46%, 6 Votes)

Amuck / Outcasts (54%, 7 Votes)

Total Votes: 13 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-02 2:27 AM

Hardcore Match single choice

Capt. Howdy (46%, 6 Votes)

Nowhereman (54%, 7 Votes)

Total Votes: 13 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-02 2:27 AM

Grudge Tag single choice

Darth / Spandex Monkey Man (54%, 7 Votes)

Grimm / Pig Iron (46%, 6 Votes)

Total Votes: 13 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-02 2:27 AM

As Tuesday Night Havoc opens, "Faded" plays and Joe Mama comes towards ringside. He shakes hands with both Mike "The Mouth" Monroe and Louie Bastardo, takes a microphone, and enters the ring. Joe Mama takes a few moments to acknowledge the crowd - fans and foes alike - and then raise the microphone to his lips.

JM: Ladies and Gentlemen, over the last couple of weeks I have not been around much. I made a relatively quick appearance to welcome the newest member of the IV to you and to oversee the IV's match in the T.I.T.S. finals. There has been speculation as to where I've been. Have I been rehabbing my injuries, with an eye towards returning to active competition? Have I been scouting new talent to bolster the RDCW roster...maybe with an eye towards making the IV into the V? Have I..."gone Hollywood", like Nowhereman did not too long ago? Well, I'm here tonight to answer all the speculation.

Over the last several weeks, I HAVE been going through rehab. I WILL be returning, and I AM looking forward to competing in the very near future. But that is not where I've been over the last two weeks. No...over these last fourteen days I have worked towards a higher purpose. I returned home, to Boston, with MisterJLA, to train him for his upcoming title match at Robblemania. Over the last two weeks, I have turned the man that everyone seems to look past, ignore, and joke about, and I have honed him into an engine of violence and destruction with one purpose...one goal in mind: To win his match at Robblemania and bring the RDCW Heavyweight Cheese Championship to the IV.

I've brought some clips to give you all an idea of how serious his training was. I want to give everyone involved fair warning: the MisterJLA you all knew no longer exists. There is only the future RDCW Big Cheese Champion! Take a look!!!

The Cheese-O-Tron comes alive...

...to reveal a neighborhood in Boston. The date stamp on the video is March 19th, 2006. There is noise in the background the suggests a large crowd, The camera quickly pans to Joe Mama's face. He stares off into the distance for a moments, then gathers himself and looks into the camera.

JM: It's good to be home again. And on such a monumentous occasion! The start of MisterJLA's Championship training! And on such a weekend. St. Patrick's Day weekend...HERE(!!!)...in beautiful South Boston. We are on Dot...excuse me, home brings out my accent and regionalisms...DORCHESTER Ave to begin MisterJLA's ascension to Big Cheese Champion.

JLA (off-camera): Hey, Dave? What're we doing here? And what did you just say? I can't understand a word with your accent! Are we gonna knock back some pints? Maybe kiss some Irish lassies?

JM: No, JLA. Today is the first step towards your victory against Nowhereman at Robblemania. Today you...

JLA: Y'know, it's awfully cold here. Couldn't we just go inside and watch some match tapes? Maybe drink some Irish coffee and eat some Irish soda bread? Do some Irish step-dancing? Did I suggest knocking back some pints? Hey...isn't this where that movie took place? The one with "How do ya like them apples?"

JM: No, JLA. Before any of that, you have a very simple task ahead of you. This is where South Boston's St. Patrick's Day Parade starts. You are going to run, full-tilt, up Dorchester Ave, down Broadway, and through the entire parade route. You will go at top speed, stopping only when you see me at the end of your route.

JLA: They say the neon lights are bright, y'know.

JM: What?

JLA: On Broadway...Is it true, Dave? Are the neon lights bright on Broadway? Is there magic in the air?

JM:

JM: Are you ready, MisterJLA? Are you ready to start on your path towards glory? Are you ready to...

JLA: Could you say that with the accent? It sounds cute...

JM: *sigh* AH you ready? AH you ready to STAHT on Y'PAHTH TOWAHDS glory?

JLA: Tee hee! No problemo, my Mick friend! This'll be a cakewalk! Get that camera on me!!!

The camera pans onto him and...it's horrible. MisterJLA is in a bright orange sweater. A dress...not a kilt, but a dress. On the horrible sweater is a button that says "Kiss Me, I'm Italian!" and another that says "Fuck Whitey Bulger!" On his back is a sign that reads "Guinness Tastes Like PISS!" MisterJLA is modelling his costume proudly.

JLA: Ready...set...GO!!!

MisterJLA runs off. There is a pause as he heads up the street and then the sound of the crowd gets noticably...angrier. The camera picks up bottles being thrown and the parade-goers seem to converge behind the running MisterJLA, whose orange sweater makes him very visible. MisterJLA 's girlish scream can be heard, and then a voice says...

Cameraman: He's gonna get himself killed, isn't he?

JM: Not if he runs fast. Not if he can stay ahead of the crowd.

Cameraman: You knew this'd happen, didn't you? That's why you insisted on picking out his clothes...

JM: MisterJLA doesn't know true terror. He's in the worst possible combination of clothes and accesories for St. Patrick's Day. He's running among the shitfaced and stupid. If they get their hands on him, they'll tear him apart. He knows that now. He now knows true fear. When he faces Nowhereman, there will be no fear.

Cameraman: You don't really think I'm buying that, right?

JM: It's the truth. But I'll admit it: I find the whole thing hilarious. Especially since he thinks that the parade goes through the entire city of South Boston. He'll be running for quite some time before we have to get him...

Cameraman: So what do we do now?

JM: I have family here. We'll shoot over, grab some chow, and wait for JLA to pass by. Then we'll laugh. Then...eventually...we'll get him and get out of here.

Cameraman: Irish soda bread? Guinness?

JM: The works...let's go.

The camera follows Joe Mama as they leave. JLA's girl-screams can still be heard (_{"Damn you, Joe Mama! DAMN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!"}) as the camera fades...

...And then follows a montage of images:

MisterJLA behind the wheel of a car swerving down a city street.

JM: Feel your road rage. Channel it. Turn your road rage into rage towards your opponent. Know no fear. Know only rage...

JLA: OMIGAWDI'MGONNADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

JM: Drive, Champ. Drive until I tell you to stop. Massachusetts has the worst drivers in the country. Know them all.

Cameraman: Pedestrians...

JM: Ignore them.

JLA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Cut to...a bar. Obviously a pub for townies. JLA is nose-to-chest with a very large, very blue-collar, behemoth of a man.

JLA: I said, "Ray Bourque sucks and Larry Bird had a 70s porno mustache." What're you going to do about it, Buckner-fan?

The entire bar converges on MisterJLA who can be seen putting up a decent fight...until he's swept under a wave of drunken patrons. The camera pans to Joe Mama who raises his beer to toast the camera, and then fades...

Cut to...a high school wrestling mat. MisterJLA is locked in a pinning combination that looks very, VERY painful. JLA's putting up some kind of struggle...

JM: Jesus Christ, JLA! That's a Sophmore! Get off your back!!! WHORES LIE ON THEIR BACKS!!!

High School Coach: David...

JM: Sorry, Father. The Christ comment slipped...two Hail Marys?

HSC: Just one. I liked you using my "whores" line.

Cut to...the same high school wrestling mat. This time, MisterJLA's holding his own. He takes down a smaller wrestler, gets the quick pin, and then another takes the boy's place. The same thing happens. MisterJLA is actually using real Greco-Roman wrestling to beat his opponents. At one point he looks like he's about to administer Final Justice, but catches himself and uses a standard headlock to drag his opponent to the mat.

HSC: He's doing well with the Pride Drill...

JM: He's almost ready...

Cut to...that same bar. This time MisterJLA has an arm draped across the backs of two of the townies he'd fought days ago. Judging by the bruises on their faces, they fought again, but this time with different results. The fight is over and they're singing "Finnegan's Wake"...then "Irish Rover". The bar cheers. MisterJLA announces that he's buying a round for the house and everyone cheers. Pan to Joe Mama...

JM: Almost ready...

Cut to...the camera following Mister JLA as he runs down L Street, though the L Street Bathhouse, out to the beach, and into the freezing cold water. He dives in, splashes around, and comes back to the beach...inexplicably covered in jellyfish. JLA's face is beaming with pride. He's completely blue and shivering, but he's beaming with pride.

JM: Your final test is tomorrow...

Cut to...Boston's Government Center. The time stamp says "March 25th, 2006. Joe Mama is standing next to MisterJLA, who is wrapped in a thick blanket. Joe Mama points off into the distance.

JM: That road is Tremont St. You'll run about a half mile until you see Boston Common. Run through the Common, then cross the street until you see the Public Gardens...

JLA: The Public GAHDINS?

JM: Yes...the Public Gardens. On the other side of the Gardens is Boylston Street. Make your way up Boylston, cross Massachusetts Avenue...

JLA: MASS AVE YEH BASTID!!!

JM: Indeed. Continue through the Fenway...

JLA: THE FENZZZZ!!!

JM: ...until you see the Citgo sign. Run towards it and you'll see Fenway Park. Three laps around Fenway and your training is over. You'll be ready.

JLA: And what will I have learned by this run?

JM: Nothing. I just like the idea of ending this training montage with you celebrating at Fenway Park. Kinda like Rocky's training montage...

JLA: Only at FENWAY PAHK!!! THE PAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHK!!! I PAHKED M'CAH AT HAHVID YAHD, NEAH THE SQUAYAH!!! HAHVID SQUAYAH!!!

JM: Okay, that's enough. Shit...is that how I really sound?

JLA: I'm ready to go, Joseph Mother! Ready...set...!

JM: Waitaminnit. Why are you wrapped in a blanket? You're not nekkid, are you?

JLA: Nope! This is my surprise! To show I'm ready!

MisterJLA drops the blanket and...he's in a full New York Yankees uniform. Number 13 - A-Rod's number. He puts on the Yankees cap and beams with glee.

JM: Oh my...

JLA: Just like the parade, only this time I'm ready!!!

MisterJLA runs up Tremont Street, screaming, "Let's go Yankees! Manny sucks!! Ortiz swallows!!! What'cha gonna do, bitches?!?!?" Joe Mama and the camera watch him run up the street...

Cameraman: You've created a monster, you know.

JM: I've created a Champion. No fear. Complete focus. Able to channel his rage and use it as a weapon. Versed in barroom brawling and technical wrestling. Not worried about what anyone yells at him or does to him. At Robblemania, he will tear Nowhereman apart. And I'm his manager.

Cameraman: So what now?

JM: I want to film him doing the Rocky celebration at Fenway. It's time to end this montage...

Cut to...MisterJLA standing in front of the Ted Williams statue. His clothes are torn. His knuckles are bloody. But he is smiling madly as he jumps around and celebrates like Rocky. The image fades into:


Cut to commercial.

Monroe: Folks, a white limo just pulled up to the Cheesedome and Joey Biles is standing by with the scoop. Joey?

*The Cheese-o-tron shows Joey Biles standing outside beside a white limo. The door opens and the Reverend Willie Williams steps out. Behind him is the pure hearted Princess Elisa.*

JB: Reverend Williams, it seems the end of days are upon us with all the chaos and Havoc in the RDCW. The women's division has become a war zone with the return of Nuriko, who has placed herself seemingly in the way of Princess Elisa's next title shot!

RWW: Has she now? Ah'm not so sure, boy. Ya see, that's why Ah'm here tonight, to see the Doctor personally.

JB: But do you really think he'll listen, what with Princess Elisa's track record against the Boobie champ?

RWW: If you call being cheated time and again a track record to listen about, then-

JB: Hold that thought, Reverend. Darth! Darth, what do you have to say about the recent breakdown within the Dark Lords?

*Joey Biles runs over to Darth and Chesty LeRou, who are walking towards the entrance.*

RWW: Now just wait one minute here! Son, ya don't walk away from your interview before it's finished!

CL: Oh, it's finished alright.

*Princess Elisa gets in Chesty's face.*

PE: Watch it, Chesty! Show some respect for the Reverend!

*Chesty doesn't back down.*

CL: Respect? For that- that- argh! He's a fraud! How can anyone respect that?!

*As the hotties continue to shout at each other, Killconey and Chewy Walrus are seen on the edge of the screen just inside the door.*

KC: What do you think they're arguing about?

*Chewy shrugs. "Detroit Rock City" can be heard in the background, and Chewy starts to walk up the hall.*

KC: Whoa! Dude, check it out! Chick fight!

*Chewy walks back to the door and sees Chesty and Elisa rolling on the ground while Darth holds Reverend Williams back.*

KC: Dude! We've got to spread the word! Let's go!

*Killconey runs up the hall.*

CW: (in a quiet voice) Hey, promo!

*Seeing Killconey race around a corner, the Walrus shrugs, takes a peak at the parking lot, and follows after his friend...

Killconey bolts into the cafeteria to find a few wrestlers and members of the crew.*

KC: Everybody, if I could have your attention please! There is a chick fight in the parking lot!

*Everyone in the cafeteria immediately stop what they are doing and bolt out the door, nearly trampling Killconey and Chewy Walrus as they race to catch the fight.*

*In the ring, PenWing has a mic.*

PW: So, let me see if I've got this straight. Last week, Sammitch and I kicked the crap out of the Outcasts in a steel cage. So, this week, we get to kick there asses again, only this time that little punk, Amuck, gets to help them? I could get used to this!

*The crowd cheers, and PenWing looks like he's ready to say something else, but he is drowned out when the crowd gets louder as Killconey races down the ramp and into the ring. Killconey pats PenWing on the shoulder and takes the mic from his hand.*

KC: Excuse me, Pen, but I have to make a very important announcement. Ladies and Gentlemen, there is a chick fight in the parking lot.

*Killconey hands the mic back to PenWing and runs back up the ramp, past Chewy Walrus, who shrugs and turns to follow. PenWing stands in the ring with a shocked look on his face. He shrugs as well, and looks over to the announce table.*

PW: Go on, you know want to show the chick fight.

*The crowd erupts in cheer as the Cheese-o-tron shows Chesty and Elisa, their clothing in tatters, fighting in the parking lot.*

Monroe: It's total Havoc out there!

*Chesty finally tears Elisa's top off and starts waiving it in the air as the pure hearted princess covers her now bare chest. Reverend Williams faints in Darth's arms. Realizing the reverend has passed out, Darth releases him and allows his limp form to drop to the ground. Darth looks around with wide, shifty eyes as he wipes his hands clean and slips into the shadows.*

Monroe: Bugawb! Reverend Williams has passed out!

Bastardo: Lord have mercy!

*Chesty continues to waive Elisa's top in the air as the crowd chants her name. Finally, Doc Paragon leads RDCW security into the lot to clear the crowd and restore order to Havoc.*

*the camara pans into Lor's locker room, zooming in around different objects the pans out to show a relaxed Lor. sitting in a comfy chair, legs hanging out over the arm rests, boots off, toe nails painted a lovely red, mask off and hair up in messy pink-tails. shes reading calmly a book titled "how to kill a ninja." its fairly low lighting,a few candles are burning. the camara zooms out slightly more to show some other books laying on the floor by Lor. one reading "meditation and the art of wrestling."*

*at this moment unaware Bukake walks into her dressing room. he didnt even look just opened the door came in, then he turned around to discover a very different Lor from what he is used to. he's flabergastesd. suddenly fear sets in, thinking this is the "clam before the storm" Lor and Bokakke is right in her path. then he remembers the heavy steel door that when it finally shuts makes a huge ecoing bang. he turns around almost in slow motion, the door shuts and sure enough it makes a loud noise, he was helpless to stop it. he freezes hopeing it didnt disturb her into a frenzy. Lor notices*

Lor: "Oh, hi there hunny, i didnt see you come in the door."

*said rather calmly. she closes her book and places it down and proceeds to get up to greet him. Bookaka backs up slightly towards the door as she comes nearer, thinking it would be best to be close to the exit for running away. he brings his mic up to and trys to catch his nerves*

B: "Dis is Bukake, Havoc numbah one annoncah! Reportin from Lor's dressing.. room! ssSo Lor you have a match toonight against Nuriko. wwWhat are you thoughts on the match..?"

*a very nervous Bukaki asked. Lor stood limber and well, sane, unlike her normal hyperactive self. which was very strange.*

Lor: "Well darlin, this time around is gonna be different. Ive been studing up and im ready to face the ninja."

B: "wwWell you heard it here first folks. The lone she wolf is armed with nnew knowledge. Dish ish bbBoockake, Haboc numbah one annonachah, weporting!"

*Lor tags lightly Bukkakke on the shoulder freindly, which casues him to jump."

Lor: "Thanks for the interview, im so glad you stoped by, darlin, to see little'ol me."

*Lor smiles sweetly for the camara then it blacks out back to the arena.*

Louie Bastardo: "Whodaha! What happened to Lor?!?! Im scared Monroe."

Monroe: "Me too and Nuriko should be too!"

Louie Bastardo: "Monroe.."

Monroe: "Yes, Louie? "

Louie Bastardo: "will you... "

Monroe: " No, Louie, I wont hold you."

Louie Bastardo:

Kickstart my heart blasts out as NM makes his way to the ring

NM:"Good evening Cheesedome!"

Crowd pops

NM:"Now as you know I have a very important match coming up against a very unimportant competitor!
No, not my opponent tonight, Crapstain Hokey, I'll get onto that in a minute.
I'm talking about my Robblemania opponent, MisterGayLA!
As we have seen by the video shown earlier, GayLA has been practicing with his surrogate mother, Joan Mammary.
Now I say we saw the video, I saw the start of it & thought it was the thrown room scene from Return of the Jedi and switched over to VH1 Metal mania classic!"

Fans chant Jabba Mama

NM:"Anyway, we all know that despite the total lack of talent GayLA displays, I would be a fool to think of myself as anything other than the underdog at Robblemania.
No no, not because I think GayLA is the better man, I have four reasons that its gonna be tough for me.
Thats right, GayLA has three team mates & his nanny, who I am sure will interject themselves in the match (I actually heard that Joan Mammary interjects himself into the IV regulary!)"

Crowd roars with laughter

NM:"That brings me onto tonights opponent, Captain Hasbeen.
While The good Captain was once a great pal of mine, relying on me to make a name for himself, it has become apparent in recent times that the old boy has trouble standing on his own.
It took a joke like GayLA to turn him into a winner again, and of course teaming with the IV to make sure he has his regular bed baths & that his meals are pre-chewed.
Tonight, I am sure you will bring your little friends Cap, but be very aware that I will be bringing a few of my friends too.
My left hook, and my right!
And I'll even make the match real quick tonight as I know Joan is hungry, and McDonalds closes early tonight!"

NM slams the mic to the floor & walks from the arena!

Camera fades to the Outcasts' dressing room,where we see Joey Biles standing by with Chris Oakley,Amuck,and El Superbeasto.

JOEY: Chris, tonight, in your final RDCW match before Robblemania, you and the Giant Luchadore will be teaming up with RDCW newcomer Amuck for a six-man tag bout against Captain Sammitch,Penwing,and Killconey...your thoughts?

CHRIS: Joey, I'm really looking forward to this match-- and not just because it's the perfect opportunity to give Captain LameBitch,DeadThing,and Swillconey the ass-kicking they all so richly deserve.(points in Amuck's direction)Tonight,the fans will get to see the debut of RDCW's next great superstar...

SUPERBEASTO: Viva Amuck!

JOEY: Next Sunday, you and Superbeasto will defend the RDCW world tag team belts against Chewy Walrus and Killconey, the same team that beat you on last week's Havoc--

CHRIS(indignant):Robbed us, you mean! Anybody with half a brain knows we should have won that match, but Screwy Walrus and Swillconey stole it with the help of their tramp manager Meeko! At Robblemania 22 they're going to pay for that big-time!

SUPERBEASTO: Si! We will grind them into dust like the little putas that they are!

JOEY: Amuck, at Robblemania you'll be facing PenWing and Chewy Walrus in a triple threat match for the Y Division title...any predictions on who's going to win?

Amuck simply glares into the camera and points before running his thumb across his throat.

CHRIS: He said he's going to kick their asses and take the Y Division belt!

Amuck and the Outcasts then walk off-camera to make final preparations for their match.

JOEY: Strong words from the reigning RDCW world tag team champions....now back to Monroe and Louie at ringside!

...reserved...

Tag Match
Rebel Express vs. Monkey World Order

The MWO edged out a victory over the Rebel Express when Zod and Nova caught a weakened James Fantastic with a double neckbreaker and got the pin.

Hotties Match
Lor vs. Nuriko

Lor just defeated Nuriko with a sharp Punch & Judy, but was attacked directly after by Princess Elisa demanding her title shot at RobbleMania. Nuriko joined in, making it a three way affair. Finally, thedoctor stepped in and made a three way mudpit match for RobbleMania for the women's booby title!

6 Man Tag
Amuck / Outcasts vs. Sudden Death Connection

Penwing,Captain Sammitch,and Killconey hit the ring looking as if they wanted to kill somebody...and they did.The Outcasts,to be more precise.When the reigning RDCW world tag team champions and their tag partner Amuck made their way down the aisle and stepped in the ring,all hell broke loose...

LOUIE: Take it to 'em, champs!

MONROE: The Outcasts may have finally bitten off more than they can chew!

The silent but deadly Amuck carried most of the load for his team in the early minutes of the match, proving himself to be a challenging opponent for Captain Sammitch.After nailing the Captain with a vicious savate kick,he tagged in El Superbeasto,who tried unsuccessful to administer a Giant Elbowslam on Sammitch....

MONROE: Nobody home! Superbeasto misses with the elbow! And a scoop slam by Captain Sammitch, who tags in PenWing!

Anxious to get out of Dodge, Superbeasto tagged in Chris Oakley, and after that the war was really on as the Outcasts team captain traded blows with his oldest and most bitter nemesis....

LOUIE: WHOA MAMA! These two aren't gonna stop until they've killed each other!

MONROE: Or until they tire themselves out!

PenWing seemed to have the victory sewed up for his team after nailing Chris with the Sudden Death; however, as he prepared to climb the top rope to deliver the High Holy Howe, Amuck shoved him off the turnbuckle, allowing Chris to do something he'd been wanting to do for a long time...

MONROE: PenWing trying to shake the cobwebs out of his head...and Chris just nailed him with a roundhouse right!

LOUIE: Good! The little bitch deserves it!

MONROE: Another roundhouse right....and Chris has got the Snuff the Rooster locked in! It may be lights out for the leader of the SDC!

PenWing fought valiantly to escape the sleeper hold,but his archenemy had it locked in too tight;when Sammitch and Killconey tried to intervene on his behalf,Superbeasto and Amuck made them pay for it with a sadistic beatdown outside the ring.It was only when Meeko distracted Chris from outside that PenWing finally got loose...

LOUIE: Why that little tramp! She had no right--

MONROE: She had EVERY right!

PenWing's escape was only momentary,however,as Chris tagged Superbeasto in to deliver his patented Chokeslam to Oblivion;the reigning RDCW world tag team champions then set up to be the first victim of their newest signature move...

MONROE: Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we're about to get a look at the Journey Into Exile, the new finisher the Outcasts have been developing in recent weeks. Oakley comes off the top rope-- and PenWing is knocked off Superbeasto's shoulders onto the canvas! 1...2...3! Chalk up the victory for the Outcasts and Amuck!

LOUIE: Yeah, baby, yeah! That overrated Gordie Howe wannabe finally got his just deserts!

The crowd booed viciously as the tag team champs and Amuck strutted off into the night.

Hardcore Match
Nowhereman vs. Captain Howdy

Nowhereman caught Howdy with a brutal Slammin Gladys to finish out this match, which saw both men bloodied and beaten! After the bout, the Four hit the ring and beat down on the World Cheese Champ, attempting to soften him up for RobbleMania and MisterJLA's Iron Man match.