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Posts: 342
300+ posts
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OP
300+ posts
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342 |
Amuck (19%, 5 Votes)
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PenWing (44%, 12 Votes)
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Chewy Walrus (C) (37%, 10 Votes)
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Princess Elisa (22%, 6 Votes)
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Nuriko (22%, 6 Votes)
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Lor (C) (56%, 15 Votes)
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James Fantastic (4%, 1 Votes)
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Spandex Monkey Man (26%, 7 Votes)
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Capt. Howdy (30%, 8 Votes)
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Killconey (22%, 6 Votes)
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Doc. Mid-Nite (15%, 4 Votes)
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Pig Iron (C) (4%, 1 Votes)
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Charlie (33%, 9 Votes)
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Captain Sammitch (C) (67%, 18 Votes)
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Chewy Walrus / Killconey (44%, 12 Votes)
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Outcasts (C) (56%, 15 Votes)
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Darth (30%, 8 Votes)
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Grimm (70%, 19 Votes)
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MisterJLA (59%, 16 Votes)
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Nowhereman (C) (41%, 11 Votes)
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I make stars, baby!
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 7,025
graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 7,025 |
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
Quote:
*Monroe*: Here we are, folks! RobbleMania, the greatest PPV in the history of the universe, is finally upon us! We have championship matches galore, starting off with a Ultimate Y Match, for the...
Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music plays, cutting off Monroe mid-sentence.
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*Bastardo*: Speaking of championship matches, here comes the next World Champ!
*Monroe*: This wasn't in the script. 
MisterJLA stands at the Cheesedome entrance, holding two briefcases. He's in his wrestling gear, and looks ready for war.
JLA walks down the ramp, and slides both briefcases under the bottom rope. He then walks over to James White's table, takes a mic, and then enters the ring.
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*JLA*: Cut the music! Here it is: RobbleMania: The Greatest PPV EVAR! And it's only fitting that I am in the Main Event against my sworn enemy, Now here man. The scoundrel who stole my IC Belt! The herbert who tried to ruin my alliance with Captain Howdy, but failed miserably! And the same fool, who tried to injure me before this match, because he didn't want me to make it to RobbleMania at 100 percent!
*Monroe*: What's he talking about? He's the one who tried to ambush Nowhereman with a sledgehammer!
*Bastardo*: That's not the way I remember it!
*JLA*: Despite his efforts at trying to ruin my career, I'm standing tall. I'm ready to take not just any RDCW Title, but the most sought after title in this industry! The RDCW World Championship!
How did I get to this stage in my career? Who prepared me for this event? Well, that person is in attendance tonight, and I'd like to thank him.
Just then, "Captain Howdy" by Twisted Sister booms over the Cheesedome speakers, and the Captain rides down the ramp on a motorcycle! Howdy parks the motorcycle, and enters the ring with a baseball bat in hand. He's dressed for the Open Challenge / Hardcore Porn Title match, obviously.
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*Bastardo*: It's an Allied Powers reunion, at RobbleMania! How touching!
*Monroe*: 
Howdy takes the ring, and the mic out of JLA's hand...
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*Howdy*: Thanking me for helping ye become a better rassler is the least ye could do, ye two-bit knob-shiner! Before we formed The Allied Powers, you were getting jumped by prawns like URG!Now thank me for helping you get to the Main Event at RobbleMania, before I take this bat, and shove it up yer...
“Faded” then plays, and Joe Mama, who is dressed in a tux for this EPIC event, quickly makes his way to the ring! Joe has a mic in hand…
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
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*Joe Mama*: Easy there, Howdy. I don't want two stable members, and former Tag Team Champions, fighting on the biggest night that God himself has ever imagined...besides, I'm under the impression that I'm the person JLA wants to thank for molding him into the wrestling machine that stands before us all. ROLL FILM!
The lights dim, and Joe points to the CheeseTron. Footage is shown of the historic TLC III match, that pitted JLA and Howdy vs Sammitch/Penwing and the Tag Champions Joe Mama and another wrestler who has been erased from history.
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*Joe Mama*: You see that! Look up at the CheeseTron! East Coast Hammer! East Coast Hammer East Coast Hammer! Right then and there, I taught JLA how to take a massive hit, and still emerge as a champion!
Now check this out! Flying Tea Bag Slam! Flying Tea Bag Slam! Flying Tea Bag Slam! Through a table! Now, sure, we were enemies at the time, but that match made you a better person...well, a better wrestler, JLA! You can't deny it! And that's how you became a Tag Champion!
Keep rolling!
The Cheesedome now shows highlights of The Allied Powers vs The Unholy Alliance, the doomed pairing of Joe Mama and PenWing...
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*Joe Mama*: Look! I had you trapped in the Joe Mama-Lock! Somehow, you weathered the storm, and took the IC Title from me!
And now finally, roll the last clip!
Footage of JLA's adventure in Boston...
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*Joe Mama*: Your finest hour! In MY town! You got your ass kicked from one end of Boston to the other, and it just made you stronger!
There you have it! I was the dominant force in creating the next World Champ. You can thank me now, JLA...
[/url]
Joe feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns to face...Jeeves?
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*Joe Mama:* How did you get here undetected, Jeeves?
*Jeeves:* I do not have a proper ring introduction, nor theme music Mr. Mama. Nonetheless, I have been the trusted butler to the Allied Powers for quite some time now. While I do not have a highlight montage like you do, I know that my role as an aide to The Powers, has bolstered MisterJLA's status in the wrestling world, while...
*MisterJLA:* Uh, fellas, this is getting to be too much. The person I wanted to thank...was...ME!
Camera cuts to unnecessary close-ups of Jeeves, Howdy, and Mama. All are pissed and overacting.
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*JLA*: What's the big surprise? I owe it all to myself! Joe, you put through me a table not too long ago! You DAMN NEAR broke me in half with the Joe Mama-Lock! I almost didn't make it out of Boston alive!
And you! Howdy! Where we you when Darth locked me in a casket, and took my precious Cunt Title???
*Monroe*: Boy, I forgot about that one. Was it ever explained how JLA disappeared from the casket?
*Bastardo:* No. They dropped that angle long ago, I mean, no, but that was SCARY!
JLA looks down from the ring, at the announcer's table.
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*JLA:* You two done over there?
Bastardo nods and gives JLA a "thumbs up" sign.
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*JLA:* As I was saying, I've only been able to count on myself since arriving here! And Jeeves...
Jeeves looks at JLA with puppy-dog eyes...
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*JLA:* Uh...well, you shrunk my tights! You can't do laundry for jack! This pair is riding up my crotch right now! You're lucky you have a job! This night is about ME! I'm here to thank myself for winning the Randy Rumble! For destroying my enemies in an Elimination Chamber match! It's all about the JLA!
Howdy, Jeeves, and Joe look at each other, look at JLA, then leave the ring in disgust. As they walk away, Jeeves whispers to Joe...
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*Jeeves*: I'm confident he doesn't mean any of that. He has to face Nowhereman alone in the 60 minute Iron Man match, and if any of us are near ringside, thedoctor win ban us for life! Surely, JLA is simply trying to get in the right mindset...
*Joe Mama*: I hope you're right, for his sake.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
Quote:
*JLA:* Now then, one last order of business. Now here man, not too long ago, you had the nerve, THE NERVE!!! to make fun of the dearly departed DCMB wrestling league! I retired the DCMB Championship a few months back, but just for tonight: it will return!
MisterJLA opens one of the briefcases, and then quickly slams it shut.
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*JLA*: Oops! Wrong one. Must be this one!
JLA opens the other briefcase, and holds it for all to see. Inside is the defunct DCMB Championship:
The crowds lets loose with a collective yawn.
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*JLA:* That's right! The DCMB Championship! If you can defeat me tonight, you can be the one to unify it with the RDCW Title! Tonight, one way or the other, we will have a Unified Champion!
As for this other briefcase...60 minutes after the opening bell, I will show the world its contents when I am the first Unified Champion EVAR!
RACK me, I'm out!
JLA throws the mic at James White, and leaves the ring...
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 47,810 Likes: 2
Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 47,810 Likes: 2 |
We go to a camera shot of Nowhereman backstage in his locker room. He is watching JLA on a monitor
NM:"Cunt!"
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 5,813
I Am Groot 5000+ posts
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I Am Groot 5000+ posts
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 5,813 |
A hip-hop medley of "Turning Japanese","Back From The Grave",and "Rooster" booms out over the Cheesedome PA as the RDCW world tag team champion Outcasts and their manager Nuriko ride down to the ring in a black Hummer with the words "OUTCASTS RULE!" painted on the hood in blood red.Chris hits the ring,picks up a mic,and begins to address the crowd.
CHRIS: This is my third Robblemania, and trust me when I say it's damn sure going to be my best! You all know that I'm willing to put my neck on the line for the sake of my goals...you all remember how I took on the entire RDCW roster in a single match...you saw how me and Superbeasto have dominated the tag team division since we won these belts...(holds up tag titles)...now you're going to see me and El Superbeasto crush the Sudden Death Connection once and for all!
SUPERBEASTO: SDC es muerte!
CHRIS(pointing to the Cheese-O-Tron as video highlights of the Outcasts' six-man tag team match against the SDC on last week's Havoc play on the screen): What me, the Giant Luchadore, and Amuck did to DeadThing and his hired hands on last week's Havoc is just a sneak preview of the ass-kicking we'll give Screwy Walrus and Swillconey when they come into the ring! And speaking of Amuck, you people had better start respecting him, because he's going to leave here as the new Y Division champion!
Crowd boos raucously as the video fades out.
CHRIS: Not only that, but tonight you'll see our manager,the lovely Nuriko,crowned as the new RDCW women's champion!
Nuriko bows graciously and accepts the mic from Chris.
NURIKO: Domo arigato. I am flattered by your confidence in my abilities.
Crowd boos even louder as Chris takes the mic back.
CHRIS: Shut up, you ignorant jackasses! None of you has the brains to appreciate a real woman! (slight pause) Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, after we've destroyed the Sudden Bad Breath Connection, the next team on our hit list is....(longer pause)... the MWO.
MONROE(off-camera):   WHAT THE HELL?!!!
LOUIE(off-camera): Oakley's playing with fire!!!
CHRIS: That's right, Spandex Junky Man-- the Outcasts are coming for you, and whey they get hold of you they're going to bury your precious Monkey World Order for good!
The crowd is now on the verge of rioting as Chris,Nuriko,and Superbeasto exit the ring and head back to the Outcasts' dressing room.
MONROE(off-camera): Robblemania's always full of surprises, folks, and this year's edition is no exception-- the Outcasts have declared war on the MWO!
Last edited by Chris Oakley; 2006-04-04 1:09 PM.
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 28,009
Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
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Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 28,009 |
Joe Mama, Captain Howdy, and Jeeves are walking back to the locker room of the IV. As Captain Howdy and Jeeves enter...
Voice: Joe Mama! JOE MAMA!!! A few questions...!!!
Joe Mama turns to the voice.It's Joey Biles.
JM: What the hell do you want? I'm a busy man and this is a very important night!
JB: I have a coupl'a questions for you...
JM: Make 'em quick. I have better things to do than waste my time with you...
JB: Joe Mama, we've heard MisterJLA's comments. One would think he's thinking of flying solo. Your thoughts?
JM: As far as I'm concerned, MisterJLA can say anything he wants, as long as his focus tonight is on Nowhereman and the Heavyweight Cheese Championship! His comments told me that he's aware of what's at stake, what he has to do to succeed, and how intense his mindset is.I don't need him to kiss my arse and tell me how wonderful I am. I already know - my record speaks for itself. The only thing I want is for MisterJLA to go out there and destroy Nowhereman. That limey cunt's overrated and underachieving, and it's time that the Heavyweight Cheese Title found its way around the waist of TRUE greatness!!!
JB: You also have men competing for the Hardcore Porn Title...
JM: That's right. Pig Iron realized that he's not man enough to survive in the RDCW, so he's crawling back into whatever bottle of cheap liquor he came from. His failure is just another chance for the IV to prove why we're the best damn faction in this promotion! Doc Mid-Nite and Captain Howdy WILL get the job done tonight!
JB: But will they be working together or separately?
JM: Joey, Doc Mid-Nite and Captain Howdy are two professionals. They know that the IV's business comes first. Once those other ham 'n' eggers are eliminated, they can tear each other apart for all any of us care. They both want that title, and they'll do whatever it damn well takes to bring it back to the IV! Frankly, those two are looking forward to seeing who can beat who. And that means a great match for the Title, the IV, and the fans!
JB: Fair enough, I guess. Onto the Inter-Cunt-Inental Title. Your thoughts?
JM: Everyone knows that I held and defended that title with intensity and dignity - I'm the man who gave that strap the prestige it had before the RDCW's friendliest jobber won it! Captain Sammitch has held it too damn long for my tastes, so we're sending out the man who will bring back the prestige, glory, and honor the IC Title has lacked. There is no man in the RDCW who deserves the Inter-Cunt-Inental Title more than Charlie! He's hungry, he's angry, he's intense, and he's that fucking good! Sammitch, I hope you did your homework! I hope you reviewed every tape of our feud AND every match that the IV's Enforcer has been in! You thought I put you through the wringer? SamBitch, you don't know punishment! But Charlie's gonna show you soon enough! I guaran-DAMN-tee it!!!
JB: One last question: What is the timetable for your return?
JM: Biles, do I look like I'm in any mood to play psychic friend? This is an important night for the IV! All IV of my guys are in title contention tonight! I'll return when I'm good and ready! Until then, why don't you find Nowhereman and let him make a man outta you? I got match prep to do...
Joe Mama shoves Joey Biles aside and enters the IV's locker room. Biles regains his composure and turns towards the camera.
JB: Mike and Louie, back to you!
Uschi said:I won't rape you, I'll just fuck you 'till it hurts and then not stop and you'll cry. MisterJLA: RACKS so hard, he called Jim Rome "Chris Everett." In Him, all porn is possible. He is far above mentions in so-called "blogs." RACK him, lest ye be lost! "I can't even brush my teeth without gagging!" - Tommy Tantillo: Wank & Cry, heckpuppy, and general laughingstock ![[Linked Image from i6.photobucket.com]](http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y203/JoeMama13/RedSoxBanner05.png)
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 17,801
terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 17,801 |
<After brief promo spots for Snakes On a Plane and a Madman Marcum’s new book, we are treated to a wide shot of the Cheesedome crowd. After a brief silence, a smashup of “Detroit Rock City” and “Let’s Get It Started” blares over the speakers and the crowd goes wild as the SDC makes its way to the ring. Meeko is flanked by Captain Sammitch and Penwing, and behind them, another girl – an unfamiliar one – is flanked by Chewy Walrus and Killconey…>
Monroe: The entire Sudden Death Connection is making its way to the ring! We haven’t seen this in a while!
Louie: Great! Even more pointless jabbering! 
Monroe: 
<Captain Sammitch holds the ropes open until everyone else has entered the ring, then he climbs the turnbuckle and holds up the Inter-Cunt-inental belt for all to see. The crowd cheers wildly! Penwing climbs the turnbuckle at the other end of the rope and holds his Sher-Wood over his head, pumping up the crowd even more. Between them, Chewy Walrus and Killconey strike a pose. Meeko is handed a microphone and begins to speak…>
Meeko: Good evening, Robblemania! <Huge pops from the crowd…> Tonight, the Sudden Death Connection will be facing big challenges – and introducing big changes!
Monroe: Changes? What’s she talking about?
Meeko: I have been the manager of this faction from the very beginning. I formed it to be an example to the rest of the RDCW…
Louie: An example of what??? 
Meeko: …and I am very proud of the stable of champions it’s become! But as much as I care about these guys… the time has come for me to move on to other things.
<Murmurs from the crowd…>
Monroe: Meeko is moving on???
Meeko: I have been given opportunities to use my managerial talents in other venues, other occupations. I love the RDCW, but I can’t stay here forever.
<The crowd noise intensifies. There is a lot of murmuring and some scattered booing…>
Meeko: But there’s no need to worry! I’m not leaving these boys all alone! I’ve handpicked my own replacement, and trust me, she is more than up to the task! <The other girl steps forward…> This is Killconey’s fiancée, Marlene. She’s a smart and talented manager, and even though some of you may know her as sweetmarlene, she can be ruthless at ringside and vicious in the ring!
Louie: I’m still in shock over Meeko stepping down! Who else is gonna make these clowns look good?
Monroe: Shut up, Louie.
Meeko: Don’t worry – this isn’t my last night in the RDCW. I’ll be sticking around for a while, showing Marlene the ropes – pun intended – and helping her get to know the different names and faces around here. But you’ll hear more about that later. For now, I’m going to turn you over to your IC Champion, Captain Sammitch!
<The crowd cheers…>
Captain Sammitch: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Tonight, you are going to see a spectacle like no other. This is the RDCW’s biggest show, and you are not about to be disappointed! <Pops from the crowd…> Tonight, not one, but two members of the Sudden Death Connection will be competing for the Y Division title! <The crowd cheers for Penwing and Chewy…> Killconey will be stepping into the ring against four other challengers and Pig Iron in an effort to win the Hardcore Porn Championship!
<Big cheers as Killconey acknowledges the crowd…>
CS:As the Tag Invitational Tournament Champions, Chewy Walrus and Killconey will also be taking on the… <Sammitch loses his composure and lets out a laugh…> Sorry. The Outcasts. Hey, Oakley… is your family here? Awesome. I’ll bet they wouldn’t miss this… no matter how much you might want them to!
<Laughter from the crowd…>
CS: But seriously, the Altcasts… I mean Outcasts… didn’t get to be Tag Team Champions by turning in a subpar performance. So I don’t expect them to just lie down for this one. After all, they did manage to get the best of myself and Penwing last week – I’m waiting for the impending lightning strike after something that improbable – but even with that to brag about, they’re not taking on Penwing and myself. They’re taking on a tag team that resoundingly defeated them two weeks ago. And there’s no Amuck in the ring to bail them out – or at least there won’t be if they don’t want to lose by disqualification. So while this one isn’t quite a foregone conclusion, I’m pretty optimistic about this one, and you should be too.
Louie: Didn’t Sammitch already learn his lesson about talking smack with the Outcasts?
CS: Last but not least, I will be defending the Inter-Cunt-inental Championship belt against Charlie. Charlie, I’m not gonna slight your abilities – you’re a damn good wrestler, and I respect that. But you’re gonna need that if you want this belt! Joe Mama said I don’t know punishment. But I’ve faced him and I’ve faced you. And as good as you are, I seriously doubt you’d be that tough a competitor!
Louie: Bullshit! Who does Sammitch think he is to make a statement like that?
Monroe: Someone whose career was nearly ended by Joe Mama!
CS: You’re good, Charlie. But while you’re looking at this as a must-win situation, I’m looking at this as a win-win situation. I don’t have to beat you. All I have to do is stay one step ahead of you, and I keep this title. And if you manage to take it from me? I’ve already won the IC belt, and every other belt… except one. Well, two if you count the Women’s belt. My point is, I proudly earned all those belts - despite what your manager Yesterday's News might say - and if I'm not meant to hang onto this one any longer, I can always go out and get another. But I know which belt I want, which one I've been waiting for. If you step into this ring bringing ninety-nine percent, you will leave empty-handed and very battered. If you step into this ring and defeat me, you will be just another catalyst, another stepping stone from this title to the title. Simply put, Charlie, if you take this belt from me, you will start me down a path that will end with the RDCW Heavyweight Championship belt firmly around me, Captain Sammitch.
<Huge pops from the crowd…>
Monroe:
Louie:
CS: So come on down to this ring, Charlie! Bring your A-game, and see if you’ve got what it takes to take me on. But you and everyone else who faces us tonight will be in for one hell of a match. Tonight is for you, the fans! But tonight will belong to the Sudden Death Connection!
<The crowd explodes into applause as the SDC’s entrance music blasts throughout the Cheesedome. Shameless commercialism ensues…>
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Posts: 215
200+ posts
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200+ posts
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 215 |
After a brief commercial break to shoe the latest trailer for 'Snakes on a Plane' we cut to the ring, as 'Money for Nothing' plays and Charlie hits the ring. He's riding in a chauffeur driven Bentley, accompanied by a pair of beautiful brunettes. The car parks at ringside, and the chauffeur ges round to open the door. Charlie gets out, in his flashy suit and wearing two diamond rolexes on each wrist. The women hold the ropes open for him, and he climbs into the ring
Charlie: I'd just like to start out by making some things clear to all you dumb mooks in the stands: I'm richer, more talented, better-loooking and more successful than you, and there's nothing you can do about it!
The crowd boos Charlie intensely, and he grins smugly
Charlie: I'd also like to make something else clear: Not only am I better than you, I'm also better than Captain Sammitch.
Let's just look at the facts, huh? He walks down to the ring. I get driven down to the ring in a big expensive car. He hangs out with a bunch of b-listers, whilst I spend my time in the company of the four greatest men in the world or wrestling! He goes home every night to one girl who, let's face it, goes with him out of pity. Me, I can get any woman I want!
The fans boo, and start chanting 'YOU SUCK!' at Charlie
Charlie: No, no, you got it wrong. I don't suck. I get sucked!
Monroe: I don't think we wanted to know that!
Louie: Don't be so conservative Monroe!
Charlie: Sammitch, you want me to bring my A-Game? You want me, the man who damn-near ended Joe Mama's career, the man who single-handedly drove King Snarf, a formerd Big Cheese champ, out of RDCW, to bring my A-Game to our match? You want me, the future of this business, a future Big Cheese Champion, to give tjis match my all. Well, I say this: I won't be bringing my A-Game, 'cos I don't need to! Against me, Sammitch,you don't have a chance!
Louie: He's right! Sammitch can strut all he wants, but he can't take The Pitbull!
Charlie: You say if I take this belt, you're just gonna go on to the World Title! Well I say you'll have to get through all of the IV, and even then I'll be right there to take that belt off you!
The time is coming when there will not be a title the IV do not hold! Captain Howdy, the Hardcore Porn Champ! MisterJLA, the World Champion! Me, The Intercuntinental Champion! Doc Mid-Nite, the king of the Y Division! Me and the Doc, RDCW World Tag Team Champions!
Monroe: What about the women's belt?
Louie: Puh-lease! That belt barely even counts!
Charlie: You better, prepare, Sammitch, prepare good and hard! When I'm done with you, you won't just be history, you'll be ancient history!
'Money for Nothing' plays, and Charlie goes back to his Bentley, which does a three-point turn and exits the arena
Louie: Joe Mama's taught the Pitbull well!
Monroe: I hate to agree with you, Louie, but it sure looks that way! Tonight's shaping up to be The Greatest Robblemania of all time!
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1
living in 1962 15000+ posts
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1 |
*Camera fades to a darkened area backstage. We see Grimm sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. He has a dog collar around his neck and the chain wrapped around his fists. He speaks.
Tonight.
Tonight is RobbleMania. They say it's the grandest stage of them all. They say it's where the legends shine. They say it's heroes are born and made. They say all of things.
And they're right.
But you wouldn't know that, would you?
Because you've never actually competed at RobbleMania, have you?
Oh, sure, you've been there, lurking in the background, waiting to strike. To make your name. To have your moment, your brief day in the sun.
But while you waited, I was out there, fighting for blood and glory. Did you know I'm undefeated at RobbleMania? It's true.
As far what's in store for you? Why don't you ask the Aussie Scumbags? Oh, that's right. They're not here anymore.
What about Balls Nasty? Oh, forgot. He's not here either.
Just like them, after tonight, you won't be here either.
Because tonight, one of us will step forward into immortality. And one of us will disappear into the Dark Forever.
I've communed with the spirits. It is not yet my time to walk into the halls of Valhalla.
The Dark Forever. My latest agony toy for the RDCW. The Dark Forever match is my coal black ebony heart made manifest. My personal gift of spite for all who get in my way.
Like you did.
The moment you sided against me your fate was sealed.
After you're gone, I will continue as always. I will grab the RDCW by the throat and drag it into a world of darkness filled with ghouls, goblins, and creatures of the night where I am king.
You see, I know your weakness. You let yourself care about something. About someone. And that. . .was a fatal mistake.
*Camera pans back to reveal Chesty LeRou bound and gagged in the background, struggling to escape. Camera turns back to Grimm, who has a sadistic smile on his face.
Abandon all hope.
*Fade out.
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25+ posts
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 46 |
*A thunderous "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" is not only heard, but felt throughout the Cheesedome. The camera shows Joey Biles standing backstage outside the door to the cellar. He does not have to wait long for the door to open, and an angered Darth to appear from out of the shadows.*
JB: Darth, what is your response to Grimm's threats? What are you going to do?
*Darth's face is blank as he looks at Biles.*
D: Do? This!
*Darth grabs Biles by the throat and lifts him into the air for monstrous Sabreslam. The Sith Lord then makes his way through the Cheesedome in a blind rage.*
D: Grimm! Darkness is coming for you! Darkness is coming now!
*RDCW security immediately respond and attempt to subdue Darth, but he Mauls the poor soul standing in his way and begins climbing the stairs. At the top he is confronted by Homeland Security. Darth disorients them with Hellfire and slams their heads together rendering them unconscious.*
D: Show yourself, Grimm! I will not hesitate to take this place apart to find you!
*Dr. Paragon can be seen down the hall instructing some of the wrestlers on how to take Darth down. Unfortunately, they cannot contain his rage, and he leaves the Liberal Conspiracy bloodied. The OC use their numbers to surround the Sith Lord, but they make the mistake of holding chairs. Darth makes short work the faction, and is now armed with a chair. Finally, Dr. Paragon stands stubbornly in his way.*
DP: Darth, you either stop this insanity right now, or you won't get your Dark Forever Match! Do you hear me?! Do you want your shot at Grimm?!
*Darth stops for a moment and lowers the chair. At that moment, a dozen RDCW security personnel attack the Sith Lord, using Tesars to subdue him. With Darth on the floor, they cuff his hands and drag him off camera.*
Monroe: Buhgawb! Darth has lost his mind!
Bastardo: He never had a chance! Grimm is in his head now! I'm afraid this is the last time we will ever see the Sith Lord in the RDCW again!
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342
300+ posts
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OP
300+ posts
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342 |
Ultimate Y Match
Chewy Walrus (C) vs. PenWing vs. Amuck
Robblemania opened with the first ever Ultimate Y match! Three ropes converged above the match to form a Y, with the Y Division title hanging at the center. One by one the competitors entered the ring. First was the unpredictable Amuck, who was booed loudly by the crowd. Following Amuck was PenWing to his usual "Detroit Rock City." PenWing waited at the ring steps for "TNT" to start up. The Y Division champion, Chewy Walrus made his way down the ramp, and PenWing shook his hand as the two SDC members promised each other they would not hold back.
Impatient, Amuck spring boarded himself over the ropes, taking both of his opponents down with a flying cross body. Amuck immediately began working over PenWing, but Chewy grabbed his smaller attacker from behind and threw him over the ropes and back into the ring. The Walrus walked up the ring steps and the crowd cheered as he entered the ring and Lothar signaled for the bell.
Amuck used his speed to his advantage and began attacking Chewy from all angles, leaping onto and off the ropes to launch himself at the Walrus and keep him off his feet. PenWing slowly entered the ring, and as Amuck was preparing to make another run at Chewy, the former Big Cheese champ took Amuck down with a spear.
Together, Chewy and PenWing began working over Amuck, as they pushed him back and forth between them. The SDC members then went for a double clothesline from opposite sides, but Amuck dropped down and allowed his opponents to take themselves down. Amuck then hit a quick moonsault on both wrestlers, and began climbing the corner post to reach the Ultimate Y.
Chewy was the first to get up, and he reached for Amuck's legs and pulled him down into his arms. The Walrus then hit Big Let-down (Russian back drop). By then, PenWing had managed to climb to the Ultimate Y, and was slowly inching his way towards the title. Chewy went to the corner and climbed the ropes. He reached up and jerked the Ultimate Y repeatedly, causing PenWing to lose his grip and fall to the mat.
As Chewy stepped down to face PenWing, he found himself on the receiving end of a Spin-o-rama. However, one kick was not enough to knock the big man down, and PenWing grapped Chewy's arm to whip him into the ropes. Chewy was able to grab a hold of the ropes, stopping his movement, but PenWing ran up and knocked The Walrus out of the ring with a high drop kick.
Amuck got back to his feet and attacked PenWing from behind, executing a German suplex. On impact, PenWing managed to break loose of Amuck's grip and roll away. Both wrestlers returned to their feet in time to see Chewy enter the ring. Chewy ran at PenWing with the Walrus Wallop (hard clothesline), but PenWing had time to duck out of the way. Amuck then attacked Chewy with a flying clothesline of his own.
PenWing took advantage of the distraction to climb back up to the Ultimate Y. Taking notice, Amuck climbed up to an intersecting rope of the Ultimate Y, and both wrestlers met at the center. Chewy got back his feet and climbed to third rope of the Ultimate Y. As PenWing and Amuck took shots at each other, Chewy quickly made his way towards the center. All the while, Chewy used his weight to shade the ropes, causing both PenWing and Amuck difficulty in keeping their grips.
As all three competitors began exchanging blows above the ring, the crowd came to it's feet chanting "RDCW!" Amuck attempted to knock both PenWing and Chewy down to the mat with a double kick, but as PenWing locked his legs around the rope and fell away from Amuck's leg, Amuck was only able to connect with Chewy. The Walrus managed to catch Amuck's leg with one hand, but he lost his grip on the rope and pulled Amuck down. As Chewy swung towards the mat, Amuck used his momentum to pull on the Walrus, causing his legs to release their hold on the Ultimate Y.
As both Chewy and Amuck hit the mat, PenWing reached for the Y Division title and unclipped it from the center of the Ultimate Y. Dropping to the mat, Lothar signaled the bell and named PenWing the second ever Ultimate Y champion!
I make stars, baby!
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342
300+ posts
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300+ posts
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342 |
Mudpit Match
Lor (C) vs. Nuriko vs. Princess Elisa
Lor defeated both challengers in the mudpit match, hitting them consecutive Punch & Judys before stuffing mud pies in both their faces. Afterwards, Lor also gave special referee the Crotch a mudpie.
I make stars, baby!
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342
300+ posts
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300+ posts
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342 |
Open Challenge for the Hardcore Porn Title
Pig Iron (C) vs. Killconey vs. Doc. Mid-Nite vs. Captain Howdy vs. Spandex Monkey Man vs. James Fantastic
“Countdown To Armageddon” erupts and Pig Iron and Schwarz walk down the ramp, and begins dragging objects from under the ring and throws them onto the mat and gets in.
Bastardo: “I guess I can only say this is probably the end of Pig Iron. We know he’s going to retire and I can’t imagine PI defending the belt against all these challengers--one at a time or no.”
Monroe: “Indeed. 5 men have accepted Pig Iron’s open challenge, and falls count anywhere. He clearly wants to lose the belt.I have a strong feeling that we’ll see a new champ and that this we be the last match we see from Pig Iron. I guess PI beat Doc Paragon and his mission is now complete.”
Bastardo: “Well. Hopefully PI goes out with a bang, and Hardcore Porn rules ensure that.”
Cry for Eternity begins playing as James Fantastic walks the ramp and enters the ring. Pig Iron wastes no time and begins hitting Fantastic on the head with Schwarz’s night stick he was hiding behind his back. Fantastic starts to slump and falls to the canvas.
Bastardo: “ My my. James’ speed isn’t going to help him when there is a night stick crushing his skull.”
PI continues to beat Fantastic’s head mercilessly and blood begins pouring onto the mat.
Monroe: “ Bughawb! He’s gonna kill him.”
Schwarz taps the mat and PI regains his composure and he flips Fantastic and gets in the quick pin as Fantastic has obviously passed out. The ref counts 3 and PI kick rolls Fantastic’s limp body out of the ring. The medics run to ringside as the bell sounds, and Doc Mid-Nite’s music begins playing. Doc casually walks to ring he gestures for Pi to move back and he then enters the ring.
Monroe: “ Mid-Nite’s no fool. He’s itching to teach Piggie a lesson and grab that belt.”
Doc runs at PI and starts punching him in the head and also the stomach area. Doc grabs a pipe lying on the canvas and hits PI in the knee. PI wrestles the pipe away and it falls out of the ring. Doc takes advantage and wails on PI’s upper body and gets in some ravaging blows to PI’s knee. Doc then lifts PI into a Lethal Dose. PI is now groggy and Doc places a garbage can between PI’s legs as he is propped on the ropes.
Batsardo: “ Oh, he’s setting up the Final Dose.”
Schwarz walks behind PI and slaps his head to awaken him, and she then yells at him. PI sees Doc climbing the ropes, and he staggers to get up. The crowd tries to get Doc to pay attention. Doc gets to the top rope and PI grabs the trash can lid and throws it at Doc, and it hits him hard in the head, and he tumbles to the floor.
Monroe: “PI throws his mighty trash can lid. Amazing.”
PI runs across the ring and leaps out of the ring onto Doc’s slouching body. He impacts Doc hard and he clutches his knee after impact. PI writhes on the floor and Doc is very limp and groggy. Schwarz throwsthe trash can lid to PI and screams at him. PI takes the trash can lid and begins hitting Doc over the head with it. He continues pounding until blood flows and the lid is utterly deformed. PI flips Doc and the ref counts 3. The bell sounds. Also Sprach Zarathustra begins playing over the Cheesedome speakers. Kilconey runs down to ringside and immediately spears PI.
Monroe: “Oh my!”
PI lies on the floor and KC gets up and gives two elbow drops to PI. KC then gets into the ring and climps to the top rope. Pi lies on the floor and KC does a moonsault onto PI. And he takes some pain because of it as his elbow is now hurting as he clutches it.
Bastardo: “Why did he do that? Insane. He had PI where he wanted him.”
KC eventually gets to his feet as PI starts gaining his senses. KC pulls out his +3 wooden sword of splintering and brings it down across PI’s back. He goes for another swipe but his sword won’t budge. Schwarz has interfered and is holding the other end.
Bastardo: “That’s about the only way Schwarz will ever hold Kilconey’s wood.”
Monroe: “ What?”
Bastardo: “ Nevermind.”
KC points at Schwarz and begins chasing her around the ring he swipes at her with the sword but continues to miss. They run around the ring 3 times and “Yakty Sax” begins playing over the Cheesedome speakers.
Bastardo: “What in the world? Is that Benny Hill music?”
Monroe: “Apparently they are getting it under control Bukkakee just told me that SPAMM was fooling around in the booth.”
KC continues to chase Schwarz, but as he runs around the ring corner PI is crouched and runs into KC full force committing the most egregious spear ever in the history of the RDCW.
Monroe: “Bughawb! That was viciously brilliant.”
PI gets to his feet and discovers the +1 ball-peen hammer of righteousness. He then delivers righteous blows to KC’s already aching body and head. KC writhes on the floor as blood flows everywhere. PI grabs a nearby chair and continues to punish KC. Finally PI covers KC and the ref counts 3.
Monroe: “The medics are busy tonight there is blood everywhere and 2 wrestlers to go.”
'The Majesty of Rock' begins playing and SPAMM makes a slow entrance to the ring.
Bastardo: “This should be interesting. Former tag partners and SPAMM knows PI very well.”
Monroe: “Oh my Gob! SPAMM just waved goodbye to PI. How insulting that must be for the Swine of Steel.”
PI charges at SPAMM and SPAMM moves to the side and kicks into PI’s damaged knee dropping PI to the floor. SPAMM gets PI into a figure 4 and grinds on the knee. Schwarz is mysteriously absent. SPAMM continues with the punishment as PI is scrambling to try to get leverage his hand slides through a pool of KC’s blood. PI then takes as much as he can get in his palm—rises up and slings it into SPAMM’s eyes. SPAMM breaks the hold trying to get the blood away from his eyes, but the goofy mask makes it difficult.
Bastardo: “ That’s why superheroes shouldn’t wear capes and wrestlers shouldn’t wear masks. That is just disgusting who knows what is in that blood?”
PI limps up to a standing position and SPAMM is swatting at the invisible and obviously can’t see much of anything. Schwarz appears from under the apron skirt next to PI and hands him something.
Monroe: “Bughawb! It’s Mr Sledgehammer! Where did it come from--how did Schwarz obtain it?”
PI crashes Mr Sledgehammer into SPAMM’s stomach several times as Schwarz sets a chair on fire. PI takes the chair and whacks SPAMM with it several times until blood is flowing and SPAMM appears limp. PI lifts SPAMM into a Hog Heaven and brings him down onto the Cheesedome floor. The ref counts 3, and Schwarz hands PI…
Monroe: “ Mr Staplegun???”
PI staples SPAMM”s mask to his face in a gruesome show of contempt. Medics again come.
Monroe: “all this bloodshed. Unbelievable, PI is like a maniac tonight. How will he fare against Captain Howdy?”
Captain Howdy begins playing. CH is nowhere to be seen. PI enters the ring to await and Schwarz circles the ring behind PI. Just then Joe Mama jumps over the railing and grabs Schwarz. He handcuffs her to the railing and jumps back into the crowd waiving the keys at PI and taking them with him. PI goes down to Schwarz, limping, looking disgusted--at himself. He pats Schwarz’s shoulder and Captain Howdy walks down the ramp.
Bastardo: “ Howdy looks confident and very upset. Doc did take a beating. Is that a gleam of happiness in his eye? Is tonight his night?”
PI runs at CH and CH kicks PI’s leg. CH picks up the chair and begins pounding it on PI”s knee. PI writhes in pain.
Monroe: “Now, this will be a fair fight…no Schwarz.”
CH then takes the +1 ball-peen hammer and hits PI’s Knee. PI looks to be in severe pain…
Bastardo: “ Now that hurts. If he wasn’t looking to retire I’d say this injury might force him to anyway.”
CH continues to punish the knee and body of PI by kicking him. CH chuckles and waits for the crowd to pop. Then PI sees the +3 wooden sword and brings it across CH’s face as Ch goes down to taunt him. CH is a bit shaken up, and his face glows red as he looks for a weapon. PI brings himself to the ring and hobbles up to it..he gets to the first rope as CH finds Mr Sledgehammer. PI looks to be jumping from the rope…
Monroe: “He’s gonna try for a Pig on The Wing…”
PI flies through the air slightly missing his target and CH brings Mr Sledgehammer up and hits PI on the head in mid-air. PI goes limp and CH flips PI and gets the easy pin as the ref counts 3. The ref checks PI and calls for the medics…
Monroe: “That looked absolutely horrible…horrible.”
Bastardo: “ Yeah, he’s not moving he’s out.”
Schwarz looks concerned and shakes at her handcuffs…the medics begin performing CPR on PI after checking his vitals. CH stops celebrating as he holds the belt over his shoulder…. Security guards run down the ramp. One of them is carrying a bolt cutter..he cuts Schwarz loose and all 3 go over to PI…the medics push them back as they continue with CPR…Captain Sammitch walks out the entrance and looks onward, and looks concerned. The medics bring out the portable defibrillator. Schwarz drops to her knees crying and Syxxty Nine of the MWO comforts her..Nowhereman looks stern. CH shakes his head and strokes the belt and looks at it and back to PI. The medics stare at each other and lift PI onto the stretcher and hurridly rush him up the ramp and Sammitch backs away.
Bastardo: “This is truly tragic…I don’t know what to say.”
Bukkakkkei stops filming as several wrestlers escort Schwarz up the ramp….
Monroe: “Well, folks…we’ll keep you...ahem…updated, but this looks like a tragic night for the RDCW.”
Over the Cheesdome speakers……
Pig Iron: “I tell you Officer Schwarz, people like us can make a difference, when one becomes a whoaayyah of darkness…a Dark Lord…one can do the things that need to be done. You see, Officer Schwarz, we are real men of darkness. We beat people until they are bloodied and crumpled into a lifeless mass on the floor….this is true. We are the last of a select group of warriors left ...true Whoaayaaahhhs of pain and darkness in a world of untalented jobbers and fake breasts.”
Pig Iron: “The eternal battle of steeellll begins now, the battle begins anew, and the waar continues. The glorious war against Paragon, and I will be the instrument, Paragon. The Whooaaayyaaahh off Paaaainnnn will end your rule of villainy, and the RDCW will be reborn—in the image of the victors.”
Monroe: “It seems the Whooayaahs eternal battle is over, but the pain will live on for all of us here at the RDCW.”
I make stars, baby!
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342
300+ posts
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OP
300+ posts
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342 |
Inter-Cunt-Inental Title
Captain Sammitch (C) vs. Charlie
Sammitch defeated Charlie by unveiling a new move from his arsenal, the PB&J! Charlie fell to this new maneuver as Sammitch retained the IC title.
I make stars, baby!
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342
300+ posts
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Joined: Oct 2004
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World Tag Team Titles
Outcasts (C) vs. Chewy Walrus and Killconey
The challengers entered the ring to TNT and massive pops from the crowd. As soon as they stepped in the ring, they signalled to their fans that they were ready to face the Outcasts...
MONROE: We could be looking at the next RDCW world tag team champions!
LOUIE: These clowns? Fuhgeddaboudit! They've already lost once each tonight! After the Outcasts get done with them, they'll be two time losers!
Moments later,Breakin' The Law exploded from the Cheesedome PA speakers as the RDCW world tag team champions drove down to the ring in their Hummer,with their manager Nuriko sporting a headband with the words "Outcasts Rule! inscribed in Japanese.
Monroe: Looks like Nuriko still has a little mud in her eyes from earlier tonight!
El Superbeasto started the match for the Outcasts while Killconey kicked things off for the SDC; from there on out, fans witnessed a heady mix of technical skill and straight-up brawling as the champs and the challengers fought for possession of the most prestigious tag titles in wrestling. After thirty minutes of non-stop action, it looked like the SDC was about to pull off the upset after Chewy Walrus delivered the Random Acts of Violence on Chris Oakley...
MONROE: Chewy with the cover! One...
LOUIE: I can't look!
MONROE: Two....
LOUIE: Tell me when it's over!
MONROE: Thr-- I don't believe it! I don't believe it! Oakley just kicked out! No one's ever gotten up from the Random Acts of Violence before!
LOUIE: All right! The champ's still got it!
Chris tagged in Superbeasto, who promptly nailed Chewy with the Chokeslam to Oblivion before signalling to the crowd that the champions were about to demonstrate their newest signature move...
MONROE: We're about to see the Outcasts' latest manuver, the Journey Into Exile, which made its debut last week on Havoc!
LOUIE: Booyah!
MONROE: Superbeasto has Chewy set up....Chris Oakley coming off the top rope...and Chewy Walrus goes crashing down to the canvas! Here's the cover--1...2...3!And the Outcasts have retained the RDCW world tag team titles!
LOUIE: Never underestimate the champs, Monroe!
With victory secured, Chris and Superbeasto charged out of the ring to come to the aid of Nuriko, who was on the wrong end of a beatdown from SDC manager Meeko. The Giant Luchadore nailed Meeko with his Giant Headbutt, after which Chris planted the SDC mastermind into the arena floor with the Red Alert.
MONROE: Jesus, the Outcasts have sunk to a new low even by their standards!
LOUIE: She had it comin', Monroe! She was attacking Nuriko without provocation!
Chris then took the mic to address a fallen Meeko....
CHRIS: Let this be a lesson to you, bitch-- Nobody messes with the Outcasts and gets away with it!(Raucous boos from the crowd)And I hope those MWO punks were watching tonight, because this is a preview of the ass-whipping we'll give them when we finally get them in the ring!
Captain Sammitch and PenWing stormed the ring armed with steel chairs, clearing out the Outcasts before checking on Meeko.
Monroe: Oakley's a creep! There's no call for that!
I make stars, baby!
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342
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Dark Forever Match
Grimm vs. Darth
"The Imperial March" played out over the CheeseDome speakers as Darth was lead down to the ring by security guards. After making it to the ring, the guards uncuffed and released the Sith Lord as he began to bellow in fury and bounce off of the ropes.
Monroe: Darth is enraged tonight!
Bastardo: That's why he's gonna lose this match! Grimm's mind games have already taken effect!
"Black Wedding Intro" cued up as Grimm's sarcophagus wheeled out onto the rampway. Darth slid out of the ring and ran up to meet the sarcophagus on the entranceway!
Monroe: Darth's not gonna wait any longer!
Darth waited for the doors to open and as "Return of the Living Dead" began to play, he reared back to strike, but stopped short at the sight that greeted him!
Monroe: It's Chesty! Grimm put Chesty in the sarcophagus! That's where she's been!
Bastardo: Brilliant!
Darth pulled Chesty out of the sarcophagus and began to untie her before sending her to the back with security guards.
Darth: GRIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!! This offense shall not stand! Show yourself!
The Cheese-O-Tron came to life as Grimm's image appeared on it. Grimm began to speak.
I make stars, baby!
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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60 Minute Iron Man Match / World Heavyweight Cheese Title: Nowhereman (c) vs. MisterJLAQuote:
Monroe: It's time for the Main Event: 60 minutes of total nonstop action (...) for the RDCW World Heavyweight Cheese Championship! The reigning two-time champion, Nowhereman, defends against the man who earned the right to compete for the belt by winning the Randy Rumble: Nowhereman's sworn enemy: MisterJLA!
Bastardo: The stakes couldn't be higher! JLA brought the DCMB Championship out of retirement just for this match! It's champion vs. champion!
Monroe: No it isn't.
Bastardo: What?
Monroe: The DCMB league doesn't even exist anymore. JLA retired the belt months ago when Dark Typhoid Dave determined that JLA couldn't have championships from rival organizations, especially when one of the leagues doesn't even exist! Above all else, nobody ever cared about that angle anyway.
Bastardo: Yeah...but tonight, we have a title match that everyone cares about! And thedoctor, in his quest to destroy JLA...
Monroe: You mean to make the match fair...
Bastardo: ...has stipulated that if any of The IV even show up at ringside, they will be banned for life! I wonder how they will get around that, especially with thedoctor and ten security guards here at ringside!
Camera cuts to thedoctor looking smug, and pointing to the guards as if to say "Just try it, Joe Mama, you fucking prick!"
Quote:
Monroe: The stage is set! The World Title! Two men who hate each other! A championship feud being rekindled! Whoever scores the most wins: whether through submission , DQ, pinfall, or countout in 60 minutes, walks away from the greatest event since the creation of Adam and Eve as the World Champion!
Bastardo: And the DCMB Title will be up for grabs, too!
Monroe:
Bastardo: And away we go!
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Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
The lights are instantly turned off in the Cheesedome, and flashbulbs create the only lights that can be seen. Moments later, Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music plays, and yellow strobe and laser lights flash inside the Cheesedome. All eyes are on the Cheesedome ramp, but JLA is nowhere to be seen. Quote:
Bastardo: Where is the next champ?
Monroe: Look up there! It's...it's...
Bastardo: It's a giant slice of cheese!
The camera pans to the rafters, and slowly being lowered from the top of the dome and directly over the ring is a yellow platform, which MisterJLA is standing on! JLA has a harness on, to avoid a fall.
Quote:
Bastardo: What an entrance! And look at that beautiful yellow robe! But why does it have holes in it?
Monroe: It's supposed to look like a piece of cheese, genius.
Bastardo: Oh! How beautiful! JLA is certainly playing up the cheese theme!
The challenger waves to the crowd. The platform continues to be slowly lowered, until it unexpectedly stops at about the height of the top turnbuckle. JLA looks up toward the rafters, and shrugs his shoulders. He then unfastens himself from the harness, and attempts to climb off of the platform, but trips over his robe, and falls off of the platform and lands on his ass in the middle of the ring. The platform then is quickly raised.
Most of the crowd laughs, but the laughs turn to applause as “Kick Start Your Heart” interrupts the Killer Instinct Theme Music! Loud fireworks replace the yellow lights as well!
Quote:
Monroe: Here comes the champ!
Bastardo: How rude! I was really enjoying JLA's intro music!
RDCW World Cheese Champ Nowhereman stands at the top of the ramp, and holds his title high above his head for a brief moment. He then runs full speed toward the ring!
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Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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Once he hits the ring, the champion throws the title at the referee Lothar, and attacks JLA! James White sounds the bell, but never gets the opportunity to make the ring intros. Nowhereman hits JLA with a series of punches and kicks, until his opponent turns the tide with a brutal thumb to the eye! Gaining his composure, JLA attacks with his own brawling moves. Quote:
Bastardo: He's using what Joe Mama taught him during his training in BAW-STON! Joe Mama may not know how to answer a private message on time (  ) but he sure is a great trainer!
JLA mixes in a few power moves, and then tries to slow the pace of the match with a sleeper. Nowhereman appears to be falling asleep, so Lothar raises his arm once, twice, but on the third attempt, Nowhereman wakes up and has more energy then evar. Funny how that always happens. Right when you think the guy in the sleeper is ready to pass out, he's back and full of energy. Yeah.
Nowhereman fights out of the hold, and then counters with power moves of his own. Because pro wrestlers are only human, and actually can't wrestle non-stop, Nowhereman locks JLA in a bear hug to catch his breath. JLA breaks free with a well-placed knee to the stomach, and then Irish whips Nowhereman into the ropes, and catches him with a clothesline.
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Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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Clearly exhausted, JLA motions to the crowd that he's ready to hit the champ with a chokeslam! This is done by raising his hand high above his head, and screaming like a maniac. The champ staggers to his feet, and JLA grabs him by the throat. Quote:
Bastardo: He's trying a HowdySlam! A HowdySlam! A HowdySlam!
Nowhereman is lifted into the air, but before JLA can drive him to the mat, Nowhereman twists in mid-air, grabs JLA's arm, drives him to the mat, and locks in a...
Quote:
Monroe: Iron Maiden! Iron Maiden! Iron Maiden!
Bastardo: Where!?!?
Monroe: In the middle of the ring, look!
Bastardo: Huh? I didn't know they were here tonight!
Monroe: RIGHT THERE! An Iron Maiden on JLA!
Bastardo: That's called the Crippler Cuntface! DUH!
Monroe: No, he renamed it. It's called the Iron Maiden now.
Bastardo: I liked the sound of "Crippler Cuntface" better.
Monroe: Yeah...
JLA tries to make it to the ropes, but the hold is locked in too tightly! JLA has no choice but to tap out!
Quote:
James White: At 32 minutes and 17 seconds, the winner by submission, leading one fall to zero: Nowhereman! We will now have a two-minute rest period before the match is resumed...
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Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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Quote:
Bastardo: Nowhereman is up 1-0, but thedoctor looks pissed...
Unnecessary close up of the scowling doctor...
Quote:
Bastardo: Why is that? He hates JLA!
Monroe: Probably because he realizes if this were a regular match, it would be over, and Nowie would still be champ!
Bastardo: "Nowie"?
During the 2-minute rest period between falls, JLA holds his neck and shoulder in pain, while Nowhereman looks at him and laughs.
The 2-minute rest period is over, and they lock horns again!
Before long, JLA delivers a "Final Justice" to Nowie, right in front of Lothar! Lothar calls for the bell...
Quote:
James White: Winning the next fall by DQ for an illegal kick to the nuts, and up 2 falls to 0, Nowhereman!
Bastardo: JLA just cost himself a fall! It's going to be tough for him to catch up now!
Monroe: I don't think so: Look!
Nowhereman is writhing in pain on the canvas.
Quote:
Monroe: No way he will shake that off in 2 minutes!
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
It turns out that Monroe was right. JLA capitalized on his opponent's injury, and scored two quick pinfalls, evening the score 2-2! Quote:
James White: 55 minutes have gone by, 5 minutes remain!
With only 5 minutes left to score a fall, both wrestlers go for broke!
Finally, with 30 seconds left, Nowhereman stops an attempted clothesline by JLA, and locks him in another Crippler Cunt...Iron Maiden!
Quote:
Bastardo: Hang on, JLA! 20 seconds to go!
James White counts down from 20 seconds, and JLA looks like he can't take anymore. He struggles to get to the ropes, but he's too far away...he must hold on.
Quote:
White: 10...9... (you get the idea)
The countdown hits "0" and the bell sounds! JLA then begins to tap wildly, and Lothar has to pull Nowhereman off of JLA!
Lothar takes the RDCW title from White, and hands it to Nowhereman. He throws it over his shoulder, and heads for the locker room.
Quote:
thedoctor: <on the mic> Hold it, Nowie. We can't have this end in a draw. You and JLA are tied at 2 falls each, so I suggest...a sudden death overtime period. Winner of the next fall walks out of RobbleMania the champ!
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
A visibly pissed Nowhereman gives thedoctor the finger, and continues to head back to his locker room. Quote:
thedoctor: Lothar, start the count: if he gets counted out, he loses the belt!
Lothar begins to countout Nowhereman, who stops for second, and then runs back to the ring. JLA catches him on the way in, the bell sounds, and the overtime session is on!
Neither man has next to nothing left, but they both try to mount an assault to end this insanely long recap the best they can!
JLA finally delivers a DROP TOE HOLD that stuns Nowhereman...but the challenger looks confused!
Quote:
Monroe: He has Nowie where he wants him, but he can't decide how to finish him! He has to make this opportunity count!
Just then, the crowd goes ballistic!
Quote:
Bastardo: JOE MAMA! JOE MAMA! JOE MAMA!
Joe Mama runs down the Cheesedome ramp!
Quote:
thedoctor: <shouting at the security guards> STOP THAT MADMAN!
The guards intercept Joe at the foot of the ramp, but Joe does his best to fight through them. He then shouts to JLA:
Quote:
Joe Mama: It's time to drop the HAMMER!
JLA:
Joe Mama: Hit him so hard, they'll feel it on the EAST COAST!
JLA:
Joe Mama: GIVE HIM AN EAST COAST HAMMER, YOU DOLT!
JLA: 
As the guards drag a screaming Joe Mama away, JLA gorilla presses Nowhereman over his head, and then sends him to the mat with a Death Valley Driver.
1...2...3
Quote:
James White: Ladies and gentlemen: The Winnah: and NEW RDCW World Cheese Champion: MisterJLA!
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
The yellow strobe and laser lights go off again, added with yellow fireworks, and...
Quote:
Monroe: What the Hell??? Confetti?
Bastardo: No...that's grated cheese!
Nowhereman rolls out of the ring and heads to back, but not before telling thedoctor to "fuck off".
Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme music is interrupted by "Faded"!
Joe Mama and Captain Howdy head for the ring, each armed with the aforementioned briefcases (remember that?)
Both JM and the Capt get in JLA's face! The music stops, and the tension can be cut with a cheese grater!
Quote:
Joe Mama: Anyone you'd like to thank now, ingrate?
JLA: 
Howdy:
Joe Mama:
Bastardo: Oh no! The end of this aweshome alliance is here! Howdy and Joe have had enough of the new champ's antics! Joe helped him, but maybe now he's going to be the first to take a shot at the new champ!
JLA:
Howdy:
Joe Mama:
And then:
Quote:
JLA:
Howdy:
Joe Mama:
Monroe: SWERVE! SWERVE! SWERVE!
Howdy hands JLA his briefcase, and inside is the DCMB Championship.
JLA looks at, and then casts it aside!
Quote:
JLA Out with old, in with the new!
Joe Mama nods, and opens his briefcase. He hands its contents to JLA, who wraps the belt around his waist.
Quote:
thedoctor: I hope it was worth it Joe! You violated the terms of the contract! It stated that if any of The IV showed up during the match, you'd be banned for life!
JLA: FUCK that shit. I'm the World Champ, and Howdy here is the Hardcore Poon Champ. If you EVAR want to see those titles defended again, you best lift the ban on JM right now!
thedoctor looks around, and silently nods. He leaves ringside.
Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music plays again, and MisterJLA, Captain Howdy, and Joe Mama celebrate.
The FUCKING End.
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