RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts PCgays attention whoring + elisa simplicity + jim jacksons faggotness =

beardguy

FUCK OFF!

or what?

He's got a point, beardguy. There's pretty much nothing you can do to rex that life hasn't already. Look at the poor guy.

he can hide reax's socks

But he can't hide....his FREEDOM!!







k I got nuthin'...

You never do.

Awww... Poor rex... Are people not giving you enough attention? Do you feel like you have to pick on the other boys in order for people to like you? It's ok. Therapists exist for a reason.

Killconey!

For 4,000!

"I don't remember how it ends but your mother is a whore!"

Wonderful.

That is a guy with a beard who looks about 57 but I don't think that he's Beardguy57.

Turd fuckin' Ferguson.

Alex Trebek.....Will Ferrell
French Stewart.....Jimmy Fallon
Burt Reynolds.....Norm MacDonald
Sean Connery.....Darrell Hammond




Alex Trebek: Welcome back to "Celebrity Jeopardy". Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I'd like to ask our contestants once again to please refrain from using ethnic slurs. That said, let's take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new "Jeopardy" record with -$230,000.

Sean Connery: You think you're pretty smart, don't you, Trebek? What with your Drago mustache and your greasy hair!

Alex Trebek: Look, what did I just say about ethnic slurs? From "3rd Rock From the Sun", French Stewart in second place with -$17,000.

French Stewart: I'm a late bloomer, Alex, and in Double Jeopardy, I'm gonna bloom!

Alex Trebek: Sure you will. And finally, back again, Burt Reynolds in a commanding lead with $14.

Burt Reynolds: Hey. Hey, ah.. check out the podium. Look at this.

Alex Trebek: Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to Turd Ferguson.

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, that's right. Turd Ferguson. It's a funny name.

Alex Trebek: Great. Let's take a look at the final board. And the categories are: "Potent Potables"; "Sharp Things"; "Movies That Start with the Word Jaws"; "A Petit Déjeuner" - that category is about French phrases, so let's just skip it.

Burt Reynolds: Hey, uh, I speak a little French. You're an assbite, pardon my French. [ does a quick laugh ]

French Stewart: My name's French!

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, who gives a damn?

Alex Trebek: Moving on.. "Animal Sounds"; "Condiments"; and finally, "Your Ass or a Hole in the Ground". Mr. Reynolds, unfortunately you're in the lead, so we'll start with you.

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, I'll take the condom thing for, uh.. eight thou.

Alex Trebek: That's "Condiments". For $400. "This condiment is made from mustard seeds". [ Stewart buzzes in ] French Stewart.

French Stewart: The answer, of course, is onions. I'll take "Condiments" for $800, thank you.. [ buzzer sounds ]

Alex Trebek: That's not the right answer. [ Reynolds buzzes in ] Burt Reynolds.

Burt Reynolds: That's not my name.

Alex Trebek: Okay. Turd Ferguson.

Burt Reynolds: [ laughs ] Yeah, what do ya want?

Alex Trebek: You buzzed in!

Burt Reynolds: No I didn't.

Alex Trebek: Yes you did!

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, that's your opinion.

Alex Trebek: I hate my job. The answer was "mustard". Mustard is made from mustard seeds. Mr. Reynolds, it's still your board.

Burt Reynolds: Yeah well, why don't you give me, ah.. why don'tcha give me Ape Tit for $200.

Alex Trebek: It's not "Ape Tit." It's A Petit.. [ shakes head ] ..never mind! Let's just go to "Animal Sounds" for $600. This is the sound a doggy makes. [ Connery buzzes in ] Mr. Connery.

Sean Connery: Moo. [ buzzer sounds ]

Alex Trebek: No.

Sean Connery: Well, that's the sound your mother made last night! [ laughs ]

Alex Trebek: Okay, that's not necessary. [ Reynolds buzzes in ] Burt Reynolds.

Burt Reynolds: Who is, ah, Scooby Doo? [ buzzer sounds ]

Alex Trebek: No.

Burt Reynolds: That was a funny dog, Scooby Doo. He drove around in a van and, ah, solved mysteries.

Alex Trebek: That is incorrect.

Burt Reynolds: No, that's correct. I remember he had a pal, Scrappy Doo.

Alex Trebek: No. [ Stewart buzzes in ] French Stewart, the sound a dog makes.

French Stewart: Um.. [ breathes ] ..who is John Caffney and the Beaver Brown Band, thank you very much, I'll take Animal Sounds for $800 please.. [ buzzer sounds ]

Alex Trebek: No! Good Lord! We would've accepted "bow-wow" or "ruff"!

Sean Connery: Ah, ruff. Just the way your mother likes it Trebek!

Alex Trebek: Come on, that's way out of line, but.. [ Reynolds walks up to Trebek wearing a large hat ] Mr. Reynolds, what are you doing?

Burt Reynolds: Ha-ha! Yeah, I found this backstage, an over-sized hat. It's funny.

Alex Trebek: No, it's not!

Burt Reynolds: Sure it is. It's funny. It's funny because it's ah, bigger than, ah.. [ clears throat ] ..you know, a normal hat.

Alex Trebek: Uh, I see that. Get back to your podium.

Burt Reynolds: [ laughs ] Take a look at that!

Alex Trebek: Yeah, I see it. Go back to your podium. [ Reynolds goes back to his podium ] It's not funny. What's going on? Okay, let's just move on to Final Jeopardy. And the category is.. you know what? I tell you what, just write a number. Any number, any number and you win. [ music starts ] We'll accept any number, any number at all.. a one, or a two, or a three, or how about a four? It's that simple, I know you can do this. [ music ends ] Let's start with French Stewart, who's grinning like an idiot. You look pretty sure of yourself. Think you've got the right answer?

French Stewart: Yes, I'm pretty sure of it, Alex.

Alex Trebek: Well, all you had to do was write down a number. And you wrote.. [ shows Stewart's screen ] ..Threeve. A combination of three and five. [ Stewart nods ] Simply stunning. And you wagered.. [ shows his wager ] ..Texas with a dollar sign in front of it. I'm speechless.

French Stewart: No, I did not get the answer from anyone else, it all came from Mr. Stewart's noggin.. [ points at his head ] ..up here.

Alex Trebek: That's beautiful. Mr. Reynolds..

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, don't bother, I didn't write anything.

Alex Trebek: Good work, all right. Finally, Mr. Connery.. the category was Numbers, and you wrote.. [ shows his screen ] ..a letter V. Well, I tell you what, my friend - V is a Roman numeral, so despite your best efforts, you answered correctly. Let's see what you wagered.. [ wager is revealed to use the V as part of a K in "Suck it Trebek" ] "Suck it Trebek". [ Connery laughs wildly ] That's all the time we have. Good night, my.. [ Reynolds places over-sized hat on Trebek's head ] Would you get that off of me? [ pulls it off his own head ]
[ fade out ]

That was beautiful...

Some days urg makes me proud to be his friend. Than there are the days that he steels my beer and fucks my woman. Somedays he gets that backwards.

Urg am having birthday tomorrow!

California Girls
:Beach Boys
Well East coast girls are hip
I really dig those styles they wear
And the Southern girls with the way they talk
They knock me out when I'm down there

The Mid-West farmer's daughters really make you feel alright
And the Northern girls with the way they kiss
They keep their boyfriends warm at night

I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California girls

The West coast has the sunshine
And the girls all get so tanned
I dig a french bikini on Hawaii island
Dolls by a palm tree in the sand

I been all around this great big world
And I seen all kinds of girls
Yeah, but I couldn't wait to get back in the states
Back to the cutest girls in the world

I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California girls

I wish they all could be California
(Girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)
I wish they all could be California
(Girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)
I wish they all could be California
(Girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)
I wish they all could be California
(Girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)

GRETCHEN WILSON LYRICS

"California Girls"

I ain't never had a problem with California
There's a lot of good women from Sacramento to Carona
But them Hollywood types after a while wearon ya
Struttin' around in their size zeros
Skinny little girls no meat on their bones
Never even heard of George Jones

[Chorus]

Ain't you glad we ain't all California girls
Ain't you glad you glad there's still a few of us left.
That know how to rock your world
Ain't afraid to eat fried chicken and dirty dance to Merle
Ain't you glad we ain't all California girls

There ain't nothing wrong with plastic surgery
Well Dolly Parton never looked so good to me
Everybody ought to be exactly who they want to be
But that Paris Hilton Gets under my skin
With her big fake smile and and her painted on tan
She'd never have a chance at a real man

[Chorus x2]

Ain't you glad we ain't all California girls
Ain't you glad you glad there's still a few of us left.
That know how to rock your world
Ain't afraid to eat fried chicken and dirty dance to Merle
Ain't you glad we ain't all California girls

Ain't you glad we ain't all California girls

Nickelback
Next Contestant

I judge by what she's wearing
Just how many heads I'm tearing
Off of assholes coming on to her
Each night seems like it's getting worse
And I wish she'd take the night off
So I don't have to fight off
Every asshole coming on to her
It happens every night she works
They'll go and ask the DJ
Find out just what would she say
If they all tried coming on to her
Don't they know it's never going to work
They think they'll get inside her
With every drink they buy her
As they all try coming on to her
This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant

[CHORUS]
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you'd do it again
I'll watch you leave here limping
I wish you'd do it again
I'll watch you leave here limping
There goes the next contestant

I even fear the ladies
They're cool but twice as crazy
Just as bad for coming on to her
Don't they know it's never going to work
Each time she bats an eyelash
Somebody's grabbing her ass
Everyone keeps coming on to her
This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant

[CHORUS]

I'm hating what she's wearing
Everybody here keeps staring
Can't wait 'til they get what they deserve
This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant

[CHORUS]
I wish you'd do it again
Each night seems like it's getting worse
I wish you'd do it again
This time somebody's getting hurt

There goes the next contestant

Nickelback is a Canadian rock band formed in Hanna, Alberta, in 1995 by Chad Kroeger, Mike Kroeger and Ryan Vikedal. Their hit single "How You Remind Me" from their third album, Silver Side Up reached the top on the Canadian Singles Chart and the Billboard Hot 100 at the same time, making them the second Canadian band to accomplish this, the first being The Guess Who with "American Woman".[1]
Since their smash hit "How You Remind Me" in 2001, the band enjoyed major commercial (although not critical) success. Nickelback sold over 13.5 million albums in the United States and over 1.7 million in Canada, their worldwide album sales totalled almost 25 million.[citation needed]
The band has won nine Juno Awards, an American Music Award, an MTV Video Music Award for Best Video from a Film (Hero), and a World Music Award for World's Best-Selling Rock Artist. The band was also nominated for seven Grammy Awards, four American Music Awards and ten Juno Awards. On December 4, 2006, Nickelback won three Billboard Music Awards out of five nominations.
Nickelback's latest release, All the Right Reasons has already sold more than 4.8 million albums in the United States and over 7 million albums worldwide. Well over a year after its release, it still regularly appears on the top 20 of the Billboard 200.
NHL goalie Cam Ward, wears a goalie mask that has a Nickelback theme featuring the bandmembers playing.

History of Paris

Early beginnings
The earliest signs of permanent habitation in the Paris area date from around 4200 BC.
Known boatsmen and traders, a sub-tribe of the celtic Senones, the Parisii, settled
the area near the river Seine from around 250 BC.

The Roman westward campaigns had conquered the Paris basin in 52 BC. A permanent
Roman settlement began towards the end of the same century on Paris' Left Bank Sainte
Geneviève Hill and Île de la Cité island, in a town first called Lutetia, but later
becoming Gallicised Lutèce. The Gallo-Roman town expanded greatly over the following
centuries, becoming a prosperous city with palaces, a forum, baths, temples, theatres and
an amphitheatre. The collapse of the Roman empire and third-century Germanic invasions sent the city into
a period of decline: by 400 AD Lutèce, largely abandoned by its inhabitants, was little more than a garrison town entrenched into its hastily fortified central island. The city would reclaim its original "Paris" appellation towards the end of the Roman
occupation.

Aries
Ah! Some love Paris & some Purdue. But love is an archer with a low IQ.
A bold bad bowman & innocent of pity. So I'm in love with New York City. - Phyllis McGinley

Taurus
When Paris sneezes, Europe catches cold. - Metternich


Gemini
You can't escape the past in Paris, and yet what's so wonderful about it is that the past and present intermingle so intangibly that it doesn't seem to burden. - Allen Ginsberg


Cancer
If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast. - Ernest Hemingway


Leo
I don't know exactly what I expected to get from Paris, but whatever it was I didn't get it. I don't think that is due entirely to the city. It seems now, looking back, that Dick Wright might have been blocking me off from meeting people or getting to know the city; he spent a great deal of time with me, but it was all quite pointless... - Chester Himes


Virgo
The house sings with a feeling of abandon, throws its arms around you, hugs you, and whoever comes to it as a guest never wants to leave it. - Elsa Schiaparelli on the 18-room mansion on Paris


Libra
As an artist, a man has no home in Europe save in Paris. - Friedrich Nietzsche


Scorpio
I think Paris is much more conducive to writing or painting than New York is... There is a feeling in Paris that promulgates art in any of its forms, which you don't really get in New York. When you get up here in the morning, you have the feeling that everywhere in this city there are people with the same problems and the same miseries who are getting up to create something. You're one of them. In New York, even a successful writer, if he's serious about writing, always has the feeling of being a little bit on the outside of everything. - James Jones


Sagittarius
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language. - Mark Twain


Capricorn
With an apple, I will astonish Paris. - Paul Cezann


Pisces
To err is human. To loaf is Parisian. - Victor Hugo

Vasculitis (inflammatory vascular diseases)
Vasculitis is an inflammation of the blood vessels that can affect any blood vessel in
any part of the body. The inflammation can be limited to one location within a blood
vessel, or spread throughout an organ or tissue, so symptoms of vasculitis can affect
every major body system. Vasculitis is not a disease, but a process that occurs in the
course of many other diseases and disorders. Vasculitis can affect people of all ages.
Some age groups are affected more than others, depending on the type of vasculitis. There
also are geographical and ethnic differences in the incidence of vasculitis.

10.Periodicals of the time sometimes casually named known sodomites, and at one point even
suggested that sodomy was increasingly popular. This does not imply that homosexuals
necessarily lived in security - specific police agents, for instance, watched the
Tuileries, even then a known cruising area. But, as with much sexual behaviour under the
Old Regime, discretion was a key concern on all sides (especially since members of
prominent families were sometimes implicated) - the law seemed most concerned with those
who were the least discreet.

Between 1730 and 1733, the Netherlands experienced a sodomy scare, in which 276 men were
executed.

4.The ESV translators situated in the year 2001 supply one plausible paraphrase for "false
flesh", arguably influenced by more recent Christian views, in making the phrase refer to
alleged illicit sexual activity of the Genesis account (cf. the language of the epistle
to the Romans 1:21-32 not specifically referring to Sodom).
Another theory is that it is just a reference to the “strange flesh” of the intended rape
victims, who were angels, not men. There is a counter-argument that focus on the fact
that the men of Sodom did not know that the strangers were angels.
A third opinion is based upon the fact that the same term of "false flesh" is used in the
Mosaic laws were within the context it is clearly referring to cannibalism as was common
in the people of Canaan that the Sodomites were part of.
The Jewish historian Josephus used the term “Sodomites” summarizing the Genesis narrative:
“About this time the Sodomites grew proud, on account of their riches and great wealth;
they became unjust towards men, and impious towards God, in so much that they did not
call to mind the advantages they received from him: they hated strangers, and abused themselves with Sodomitical practices” (Antiquities 1.11.1 [3] — circa A.D. 96). The final element of his assessment goes beyond the Biblical data, even in the New Testament.

BON JOVI
Last Cigarette

Regrets are all you left, on your lipstick stains
Take a picture of our past there in that ashtray
We had our fun, I used to light your flame
Like the dancing smoke that rose we tried to find our way

No one told me, she told me

Your love's like one last cigarette
Last cigarette, I will savor it
The last cigarette
Take it in and hold your breath, hope it never ends
But when it's gone, it's gone
The last cigarette

Just to breathe reminds me of what used to be
The smoke's the ghost that keeps you close when I can't sleep
Don't ask the past to last, it's about to change
The memories don't answer when I call your name

No one told me, she told me

[Chorus]
Your love's like one last cigarette
Last cigarette, I will savor it
The last cigarette
Take it in and hold your breath, hope it never ends
But when it's gone, it's gone
One last cigarette, last cigarette
One I can't forget, the last cigarette
Right there at my fingertips, got your taste still on my lips
Right or wrong
You're still gone, gone, gone

No one told me, she told me
You always lose the girl in a Brian Wilson world

[Chorus]

No one told me, she told me
The Last Cigarette

66

Q: What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.

Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams
every night??
A: Hanson.

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.

Q: What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants?
A: Michael Jackson's hand.

Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you
lose your house.

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody
at the party except you.

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling

Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."

Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?
A: You just KNOW she'll swallow.

Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same
day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelery.

Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.

Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting
circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
A: Dating children.

Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her last blow job.

Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Cough, gag, choke, etc.

Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.

Q. How do you find a blonde in long grass?
A. Pleasing

Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo!

Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is
bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...

Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.

Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What's a Japanese girl's favourite holiday?
A: Erection day.

Q: How can you tell if a valentine card is from a leper?
A: The tongue's still in the envelope.

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job?
A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but
you just can't beat a blow job.

Q: What is the definition of Confidence?
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her
on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !"

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board A: It's
difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Q: What's pink and hard?
A: A pig with a flick knife.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: They are easier to keep amused.

Q: Why do seagulls have wings?
A: To beat the gypsies to the tip.

Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So fat women can get laid too.

Q. How do you get three little old ladies to say the "F" word?
A. Have a fourth one yell "Bingo!"

Q: What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a hooker?
A: Your last blow job.

Q: Why did god create women?
A: Because dogs can't get beer out the fridge.

Q: What's 100 yards long and smells of piss?
A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.

Q: What's the difference between a woman from Wigan and a walrus?
A: One's got a moustache and smells of fish and the other lives in the
sea.

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with
darkness"

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.

Q: What have women and condoms got in common?
A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.

Q: What's the difference between PMT and BSE?
A: One's mad cow's disease and the other's an agricultural problem.

Q: Why was the washing machine laughing?
A: Because it was taking the piss out of the undies.

Q: What will Postman Pat be called when he retires?
A: Pat

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What's got four legs, and goes "Woof"?
A: Piper Alpha.

Q: How do you make a dog drink?
A: Put it in a liquidizer.

Q: What's got 500 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row at a Boyzone concert.

Q: What's got four legs and an arm?
A: A Rottweiler.

Q: What's got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog..

Q: What do you do if your boiler explodes?
A: Buy her some flowers.

Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market

86