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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,069
Public Enemy #4 4000+ posts
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OP
Public Enemy #4 4000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,069 |
Just various shit that made me laugh... Quote:
Year of the Bastard said:
This has nothing to do with anything but, the MTV movie awards are on and I must say that Kirstin Dunst is a sexy bitch.
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Year of the Bastard said:
Oh...I'm sorry. Did you want to give me head?
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Porkypine siad:
Fun factoid: Serial killer Ed Gein, the inspiration for movie psychos such as Leatherface from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and Buffalo Bill from "Silence of the Lambs", not only used parts of the victims' bodies for sexual pleasure and for clothing, but also as simple home decorations. For example, he had an armchair with real arms.
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Year of the Bastard:
Like most men that have had large amounts of women, I keep my brains in my penis.
So, as gruesome as my head exploding may be, it's no more than a flesh wound.
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Year of the Bastard said:
You hold the anchovies. If I wanted my hands to smell like that, I'd just finger your mom....
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Callisto said:
You realize we're having a multi-faceted conversation about licking, Jedis with cunnilingus skills, and Strangers in Paradise, and we have only Terry Moore to thank for this?
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Bibbo said:
I'm a playa! Really!
sigh . . . I'm a sad little white boy . . .
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Year of the Bastard said:
I'm waiting for good things to happen to a bad person. I figure I'm about due..
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Bibbo said:
Mmm . . . it's like drinking bread . .
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Year of the Bastard said:
All bets are off for contortionists...
True story:
In college, circa 1987....met a girl who's name escapes me. We hung out a few times, just kickin' it. I was a little shy so I never really tried to push up on her. Anyhow, one night, we rented Faces of Death 1 and bought a fifth of Southern Comfort. We sat in her room and did shots while watching the flick.
About a third of the way thru she was fucked up and I was well on my way. So we started fooling around, doing the things that young lovers do when they are pissed out of their skulls. The rubbers were in my room which was one flight up. We tripped up the stairs...hands down each others pants, pausing to shove out tongues down each other's throat.
Anyhow, we get to my room, rip off clothes, take a moment for responsibility and then...we have at it. We begin standing doggie style, I am fucking this girl all over the room. We make it to the bed...she hits her knees and we conitinue. After a few more minutes of this is was time to switch so, I flip her over to her back (And I've finally reached the point of this story), spread her legs, lift them and begin to push them back....and back....and back....
THESE THINGS JUST WOULDN'T STOP!!!!!! It was like she was a fuckin' Barbie doll and had her thighs attached to her hips with ball joints or something. I thought I broke the bitch!!
Turns out, she was double jointed and then some. It ended up with her legs wrapped behind her head and the pussy sittin' up like it was on a plate.
People, I am here to tell you....I beat the hell outta the poo-nanny that night. There was absolutely no resistance at all. I'd imagine it was like fuckin' an amputee. I'll have to remeber to ask Speedy...
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Speedy the Smackhead said:
Couldn't tell ya....
While I've had my share of freaks, I've never banged a double amputee....a single amputee, once.....but never a double....
but, it was great, because we did stuff no normal woman could do.....
you sit on the 'good leg, put her on her side, and lift the stump high into the air...
she may have been creepy (especially since she didn't have good stump hygiene), but she was good lookin', and the sex was great!
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Year of the Bastard said:
Man....I did not need to read that. I spent all that time typing my post and Speedy beats it for "weird sex quotient" in less than 50 words.
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The Indestructible Man said:
Remember, folks: Craig T. Nelson wants you to eat your children!
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Butterican said:
you have awakened butter's anger and for that we must duel...choose a weapon:
pistols
swords
vibrators
we need witnesses
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TheHuntressDiana said:
The four of us...nekkid...coverd in oil and rolling on the floor...?
Good God...every single fan boy in th world would keel over and die with a hard-on!
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Theory9 said:
I have no talent, but I will gladly piss on your competition...
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britneyspearsatemyshorts said:
now with retsin!
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Theory9 said:
...that goes without saying.
Honestly, I'm worried that she may not even have any nipples.
Scary thought.
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Microscopic Ferret Leader said:
Yikes !
Shenanagins!
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Theory9 said:
Ask your bitch how my dick tastes!
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Microscopic Ferret Leader said:
Less filling more flavour!
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Theory9 said:
"Used sex toys"?
Interesting...
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Year of the Bastard said:
Franta only drinks arse juice...
He's a vegan.
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Theory9 said:
Smooth gums...
The only quality a woman really needs.
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Dark Typhoid Dave said:
I thought it was because he used his sock as a hand held vagina.
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Year of the Bastard said:
Don't sweat it. It's something to aspire to.
Hell, do you think that all of us would be hanging out if we met in the real world? I kinda doubt we'd have given each other the chance to get to know one another if we met at Starbucks or something...
The internet might be the only way to form a truly color-blind society...
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BatFranta said:
Why am I always the bitch!
Oderint, dum metuant.
You are a god damned idiot, you know that? You ought to be smacked upside your dumb-fuck head, even after all these years. Shame on you! -USCHI showin' some love
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,233 Likes: 1
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
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Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,233 Likes: 1 |
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 19,438 Likes: 8
brother from another mother 15000+ posts
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brother from another mother 15000+ posts
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 19,438 Likes: 8 |
"My friends have always been the best of me." -Doctor Who
"Well,whenever I'm confused,I just check my underwear. It holds most answers to life's questions." Abe Simpson
I can tell by the position of the sun in the sky, that is time for us to go. Until next time, I am Lothar of the Hill People!
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,919
devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,919 |
Quote:
Speedy the Smackhead said:
Couldn't tell ya....
While I've had my share of freaks, I've never banged a double amputee....a single amputee, once.....but never a double....
but, it was great, because we did stuff no normal woman could do.....
you sit on the 'good leg, put her on her side, and lift the stump high into the air...
she may have been creepy (especially since she didn't have good stump hygiene), but she was good lookin', and the sex was great!
I think Speedy should take rex out for a night on the town, shown him that there's always someone out there willing to bang you if your standards are low enough.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 46,308
Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
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Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 46,308 |
November 6th, 2012: Americas new Independence Day.
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,069
Public Enemy #4 4000+ posts
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OP
Public Enemy #4 4000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,069 |
Oderint, dum metuant.
You are a god damned idiot, you know that? You ought to be smacked upside your dumb-fuck head, even after all these years. Shame on you! -USCHI showin' some love
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