RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Havok-Battles and Wars

Monroe: Welcome to Havok! Fans, we've got a real treat for you this week! Tonight, by special challenge, Johnny Evil will defend his BattleWars Championship against the returning MisterJLA!

MarcuM: EPIC! This will be the greatest BattleWars Championship match EVAR!

Monroe: But that's not all! Both competitors have asked for a special referee, and our GM, Doc Paragon, has granted their wish!

MarcuM: I'm flattered, but I only referee matches involving our hotties!

Monroe: Not you! It's the MONSTER GRIMM!!!!!!

MarcuM:

Monroe: Grimm will be pulling double duty tonight as he also faces off against J of the West Side Rollers in preparation for his Chained Fury match against Krazed at Scammiversary!

MarcuM: Live and on ppv!

Monroe: Balls Nasty has requested a special match this week as well!

MarcuM: I heard it's a cage match in preparation for his match at Scammiversary!

Monroe: That's right! Balls Nasty vs. MWO in a steel cage!

MarcuM: Can you imagine what he'll do to the MWO in a cage?!

Monroe: And our big event this week, the number 1 contender for the RDCW World title, Captain Sammitch, goes one on one with the man who threw Joe Mama over the top rope last week, Big Pimp Tim!

MarcuM: Sammitch is goin over the top rope! BPT's gonna get his revenge for the Stairway to Hell match!

Monroe: It's Havok!


BattleWars Championship
Johnny Evil (C) vs. MisterJLA
Special Ref: Grimm

Singles Match
Grimm vs. J

Cage Handicap Match
Balls Nasty vs. MWO

Main Event Singles
Captain Sammitch vs. Big Pimp Tim

when did bpt throw joe mama over the top rope...?

last week. in the recap that JM's dragging his feet on.

ah...

thats right bitches! thats what WSR is all about!

Heh. I'm just imagining you saying that in Urkel's voice.

*Johnny Evil and the Otaku are walking down a hallway.*

Big Fat Elvis: So, are you nervous about defending the Battlwar championship?

JE: Of course not. How can I lose in a match where I make up the rules as I go along. When I get my hands on...

*JE spots someone in the hallway.*

JE: Well, well, well. If it isn't Big Wimp Tim!

*JE and the Otaku laugh.*

Tim: Gosh, guys. Why can't you just leave me alone?

JE: Because it's so much fun to beat you up and make fun of you, Big Wimp Tim!

Tim: Leave me alone, you big meanies! I'll tell on you if you don't!

JE: Aww, poor baby!

Tim: I mean it! I'll tell!

JE: Oh yeah? Tell them about this!

*JE punches Tim in the face, knocking him down. Then he starts kicking him.

Tim: Ow! Ow! Stop! Stop, please!

JE: Shut up and take your beating, Big Wimp Tim!

*The beating continues, and when JE stops Tim is on the ground, sobbing like a little girl.*

JE: And there's more where that came from!

*Big Pimp Tim walks in and sees Big Wimp Tim on the floor.*

BPT: Who's that?

JE: Some dink who has a very similar name to yours.

BPT: Oh, that's weird.

*We go to commercial.*

yeah, he's a pussy. i need to throw his punk ass over the tope rope, but he is at the botrtom of my list.


where's germy and my soda!

* As Havok comes back from commercial of the new Bastardo Production of Tennessee Williams's A Streetcar Named Desire starring Vin Diesel and Lindsey Lohan, Mike and Marcum are sitting at the announce table.*

Mike: Ladies and gentlemen...,

Marcum: What are you talking to them for? You should be addressing the wrestling fans.

* Monroe just casts an disapproving eye Marcum's way.*

Marcum: Whaaaat?

Mike: As I was saying, just before the commercial break, this video was delivered to the production office. Let's take a look.

*The video opens with a shot of an empty Cheesedome. The camera moves across the empty seats and towards the ring which is encased by the steel cage. Balls Nasty stand in the middle of the ring.*

BN: Walrus, you almost ended my career when your fat ass fell on me from that balcony over there. It's only fair that I return the favor. But since I really don't give a good goddamn about what's fair, I'm taking out all your friends too. Just ask Killconey when the doctors told him that he could walk again. Maybe little 'Sweet Marlene' can tell you between her little boo-hoo's and sobs. This is the end to your little pretender geek squad. No more stealing ideas that other people made better and smarter just to get some cheap crowd appreciation.

At Scammiversary, that cage door locks, and you're on your own. There won't be any friends to help you out. You won't be able to rely on cult movies to worm your way out of having to think and act on your own. You'll be my prisoner. At my mercy. And, Walrus, I ain't got much of that. Not at all. When it's all said and done, you'll be lying in the middle of the cage, in a pool of your own blood, waiting for a crane large enough to haul your unconscious ass out of the wrestling ring, once and for all.

You don't believe me, Walrus? Just watch tonight as I take apart the MWO. I had to ask for all three because, separately, not one of them is much of a man. Put them all together, they may just be able to pretend to be one. But it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, their just another group of jobbers who're going to wish that they'd never stepped into the same ring with the nastiest player in the game.

Camera cuts to a beat-up parking lot. There stands Doc Paragon, and Madman MarcuM.



Camera reveals a familiar location: STRIPPERS AND WAFFLES.

The duo enters the "establishment". Two overweight locals are passed out at the bar. In the middle of the room, an argument is braking out...



Camera reveals the former World Champion...Paul Mandral, otherwise known as...MisterJLA! He is still in his wrestling gear from when he last wrestled!



JLA stands up from the table (which has a plate with unfinished waffles on it) and acts all prim and proper.



Three huge bouncers approach the table.



The stripper and the bouncers leave, confident that JLA is ready to get some money from his "friends".



Camera pans the room. Two overweight guys are still passed out at the bar, flies are buzzing around JLA's stack of pancakes, and the ceiling is leaking. A few strippers who should have retired years ago are sitting in the corner, playing a video poker machine with a cracked monitor.



Just then, the waffles arrive.



JLA looks at the cash advance that Paragon gave him, looks at the bouncers who are staring him down, and then calmly stuffs the money in his boot.



The bouncers smirk, and walk up to JLA one at a time.

Out of nowhere:













Ad!

BattleWar Championship

Johnny Evil (C) vs. MisterJLA
Special Ref: Grimm


Monroe: Fans, let's take you to special guest ring announcer, Michael Fluffer!

Michael Fluffer: For the dozens in attendance, and the forty something people watching at home, Let's Get Ready To. . .BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


MarcuM: Does he have to do that every single time?

Monroe: Yeah, it's in his contract.

MarcuM: You mean Rob actually pays him money to do that?

Monroe: Among other things.

MarcuM: Such as?

Monroe: Well, there is the matter of his last name. . .

MarcuM: That's fucked up. That ain't right.

"Lords of Salem" begins to play as Grimm heads down to ringside in his usual gear. As he climbs into the ring, Fluffer announces him.

Fluffer: The special referee for this event, he is a multiple time tag team champion, as well as a former Hardcore champion, and a former Eurotrash champion. At Arma Gadda Da Vida, he defeated three men in one evening to become Heavyweight Champion of the WOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!! He has been a Hellion, a Dark Lord, and a member of the RWO, and he is undefeated at RobbleMania, The RDCW's very own. . .THE MONSTERRRRRRR GRIIIIMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!

MarcuM: So that's why he's called Fluffer.

Monroe: Quiet!

"Rob's Killer Instinct Ripoff Music" plays as MisterJLA makes his EPIC return to the Cheesedome to a mixed response. JLA pauses at ringside to admire one fan's sign bearing the legend: Unto JLA shall come a motherfucking bowling trophy!

Fluffer: Our first competitor this evening, making his return to Rob's Damn Championship Wrestling, he is a member of the fabled Allied Powers tag team, and was one of The Four, a winner of the Rob's Randy Rumble,a former tag team champion, a two-time InterCuntInental Champion, a multiple time DCMBS Champion, and at last year's RobbleMania, he achieved one of his life-long dreams to become one of the longest reigning Heavyweight Champions of the WOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRLDDDDDDD. . .I give you, MISSSSSTEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRJLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. . .

MarcuM: Now that was how you do i-

Fluffer: JLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MarcuM: Stop interrupting me!

Monroe:

"Ghaleon's Theme" plays as The Otaku enter the Cheesdome, Ariel, Hiro, BFE, and finally BattleWar Champion Johnny Evil. JE is carrying a massive hammer. I mean this thing is HUGE. He takes it into the ring with him.

Fluffer: And his opponent, also a multi-time Tag Team champion, as well a Lightweight champion, and a Y Division champion. He is a former member of the Princes of the Universe, the Bastardo Family, and is the leader of The Otaku who are accompanying him to ringside tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, the BattleWarrrrrrrrrrr Championnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. . .JOHNNNY EVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

MarcuM: Good gob, the introductions are longer than the match is gonna be!

Monroe: What does Johnny Evil plan to do with that hammer, Madman?

MarcuM: Oh, I don't know, Monroe, maybe he's going to plant the final spike in the Continental Railroad!

JLA's eyes bulge as he notices Evil's hammer.

JLA: He's got a hammer.

Evil holds up the hammer screams something about shiny twelvers, petting zoos, monorails, and gift cards on a pole. He then charges at JLA and begins chasing him around the ring.

JLA: He's got a hammer!


JLA leaps out of the ring, as Johnny Evil follows him and chases him around the ring. The Otaku jump in, following Evil as "Yakety Sax" begins to play and they all run towards the back. In the ring, Grimm shrugs towards the camera.

Monroe: Fans, uh, we'll. . .we'll be back after these words from our sponsors. . .

MarcuM: We still have those?

Singles Match
Grimm vs. J

*We return from break, Grimm still in the ring. Michael Fluffer climbs back into the ring to announce the next match. Grimm looks perturbed as Fluffer clears his throat and begins to speak again.

Fluffer: Let's get ready tooooo. . .

Fluffer is interrupted as Grimm grabs his shoulders, spins him around, and headbutts him violently. Grimm then kicks him in the gut and follows up with a Triple 6 Bomb as the crowd roars it's approval.

Grimm: Get this overhyped, overpaid, piece of garbage out of my ring! Now as for the bitch of the Bay City Rollers, J. . .I wanted to like you. I really did. You're reckless and strange, but you've made a career out of making bad choices. Bad choice number one, joining up with Krazed and Big Pimp Tim's Traveling Circle Jerk Party!

The fans and Monroe laugh at this as MarcuM sighs.

Grimm: Bad choice number two, stepping into MY world of pain, suffering, and darkness. Glory is fleeting, J, but obscurity is forever. You're about to learn that firsthand as I extinguish your flame tonight! Abandon all hope.

Grimm tosses the mic down as "Sick of Life" starts to play as J heads out onto the ramp somewhat nervously. Krazed and BPT appear, encouraging him as he finally decides to head down to the ring as his partners return to the back.

J starts to climb into the ring but Grimm but is hit with a running knee from Grimm which knocks him onto the floor. Grimm climbs out of the ring and goes to pick J up, but is met with a Ridgesword as J follows up with a pair of them and goes to ram Grimm into the ring post. But Grimm shoves him off and picks him up before dropping him onto the barricade at ringside!

Grimm rolls J back into the ring as the Roller clutches his ribs. Grimm stalks his foe but J fights back with an Elbow Slammer and goes for a follow up!

MarcuM: J's about to move into the big leagues here tonight!

Monroe: He's certainly showing a lot of fire against a much bigger, more experienced opponent!

J flies up to the top rope and leaps off, but is caught around the throat by Grimm who delivers a thunderous chokeslam! Grimm signals for the end and hits a Triple 6 Bomb before locking the now unconscious J in the Grimmlock!

Lothar signals for the bell and the match is over, but Grimm continues to hold J in the move.

MarcuM: That's not necessary, Monroe! He's already beaten the man! He just wants to end his career!

Monroe: He's sending a message to the West Side Rollers and Krazed in particular! He's going to be ready at Scammiversary!

Krazed jumps into the ring with a chain and wraps it around Grimm's neck, choking him and causing him to release the hold! Krazed chokes Grimm unmercifully as he gasps for air! Krazed releases the choke hold and threatens Lothar with the chain as the referee jumps out of the ring. Krazed takes a few shots at Grimm with the chain before grabbing a camera and speaking into it. "Now you gotta roll with that one! Scammiversary, I know all about chained fury and I'm gonna finish the job there! Joe Mama, I hope you're watching, because you're next on my list!" Krazed then leaves the ring.

Monroe: Fans, we've got a commotion backstage! Our cameras are headed back there now!

"Yakety Sax" is playing again as we see MisterJLA run past the camera screaming "HE'S GOT A HAMMER!!!!!!!!" followed by Johnny Evil and The Otaku, as well as several referee and officials now. The group runs past King Snarf, who sees Johnny Evil, jumps up shaking his fist and joins in the chase.


AD!

Steel Cage Match
Balls Nasty vs. The MWO

Havok returns from break as the MWO are in the ring, cage lowered, doing their usual poses and catchphrases.

"WE'RE TAKING OVERRR!!!!"

"BROTHERDUDEDADDYBROTHERDOODBROTHERDADDYDUDEBROTHER!!!!!!"

"KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!!!!"

Syxtty-Nine then begins to do exactly that as Spamm and Chevy Nova quickly pick her up.

Spamm: You can't do that on tv, Mang!

"Bad Company" then plays as Balls Nasty heads down to the ring, chuckling maliciously.

Monroe: I don't like this, Madman. It's the MWO's first match since they were attacked by The Otaku a few weeks ago and they have to face Balls Nasty inside a cage!

MarcuM: This is gonna be brutal! No amount of bananas is gonna help the MWO tonight!

Balls climbs into the ring as Chevy Nova peppers him with a series of obviously fake right hand punches. Nova then turns to the fans and does a muscle pose. Balls hits him with a lowkick and rams him into the cage as Zod goes for an attack!

Zod goes for the Kneel before Zod shin kick, but Balls is ready and dodges the move! He lifts Zod up and drops him with a Tavernsmasher! Spamm jumps in, but Balls also slams him into the cage before reaching into his pocket!

Monroe: This really isn't the time for Balls to be doing that!

MarcuM: Hey, when you get an itch, you gotta scratch it!

Balls pulls out a pair of handcuffs and cuffs Spamm to the cage! Balls turns to gloat, but Syxxty-Nine comes off the top rope with a huracanrana attempt! She tries to pull Balls over with her legs, but he just stands there as she sits on his shoulders.

Monroe: How will Balls counter this move?

MarcuM: Monroe, if you have to ask, you'll never know. . .

Balls finally just powerbombs Syxxty-Nine to the mat and calls for a mic. James White very cautiously steps into the ring and hands him one before scurrying out again.

Balls: Monkey Man. . .Monkey Guy. . .whoever you are this week. I'm gonna give you a chance to end this before your pals end up in the hospital. You can submit now, or you can watch me end your little glee club's careers right here. What's it gonna be?

Spamm defiantly spits at Balls, who shrugs and turns towards Chevy Nova and begins pounding him with the mic. He pics up Nova and prepares to hit a Camero Cut, but looks at Spamm first. Spamm remains defiant and Balls hits the move on Nova. Nova's out.

Balls picks up Zod and lifts him into position for a Camero Cut as well. He looks at Spamm again, and Spamm remains defiant. Balls drops Zod with the Camero Cut.

Balls then picks up Syxxty-Nine and puts her in the position. He looks at Spamm. Spamm is sweaty and nervous. He hesitates. Balls prepares to drop her as Spamm screams for him to stop.

Spamm: Okay! Stop! I give up! I surrender! You win the match!

Balls: See? You can make a decision when pressed. I'm proud of you, boy.

Balls then hits the Camero Cut on Syxxty-Nine anyway, as the crowd heavily shows its disapproval. Balls crawls out of the ring and demands Lothar raise his hand. Lothar does so grudgingly as Balls basks in the crowd's hatred.

Balls: Chewy Walrus! I hope wherever you are tonight, you were paying attention to this! Because I'm not going to give you the option to take the easy way out at Scammiversary! I'm going to finish what you started when you put me out of wrestling all those months ago! Now hit my music!

Music begins to play, but instead of "Bad Company" it's once again "Yakety Sax" as JLA, Johnny Evil, The Otaku, security guards, referees, King Snarf, and now for no discernable reason, Peter Mayhew, come running through the arena and off into the crowd. Balls looks around wondering what the hell that was as Lothar shrugs. Balls then lifts Lothar up and drops him with a Tavernsmasher before heading to the back.

AD!

Havok returns and we see the RDCW World Champion Joe Mama sitting next to Monroe and MarcuM at ringside.

Monroe: Fans, it's been a, well, a chaotic edition of Havok this week. But we've been joined by the World Champion Joe Mama for our main event match!

MarcuM: Always good to see you, Champ!

JM: And always good to see you're still a suckup, MarcuM.

MarcuM: That's fucked up. That ain't right. I know you're just mad cuz your punk ass went over the top rope last week!

JM: MarcuM, if you want to make it to the end of the show, you'll stop right there.

MarcuM:

Monroe: Let's go to the ring!

James White is in the ring making a special anouncement.

JW: Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I would like to introduce Heidi Schwarz!

M, M, &, JM:

Monroe: That's Schwarz!

MarcuM: We know!

JM:

Schwarz is dressed in a white belly shirt, a tight black leather miniskirt, fishnets, and black platform boots. She takes the mic from James White and smiles seductively.

Schwarz: It is now time for our main event on this evening's Havok! Introducing our competitors! First, the man who threw Joe Mama over the top rope last week, Big Pimp Tim!!!!!

BPT's voice comes over the loudspeaker, saying "Punk Ass, you got's to go!" as "Another One Bites the Dust" begins to play and BPT confidently makes his way down to ringside. He climbs into the ring and pats Schwarz on the ass as she smiles at him. BPT then goes to his corner and waits for his opponent.

Monroe: Did you see that?! What was that?!

MarcuM: I told you! Schwarz needs a real man, and that's Big Pimp Tim!

JM: I have to say, it certainly looks like he's living up to his name in that regard.

"Peace of Mind" then plays as Captain Sammitch then makes his way to ringside.

Schwarz: And his opponent, the number one contender to the World Championship, Captain Sammitch!!

Monroe: Champ, what are your thoughts heading into this match?

JM: Well, Sammitch earned his shot in the Stairway to Hell match, and BPT did beat me last week. I think we'll see this week which one is really worthy of getting that title shot. BPT's a remorseless machine. I have to question whether Sammitch's head is really in this match, or if he's looking past BPT and towards the Scammiversary match. Not to mention, whether he can concentrate after what Balls Nasty has done to his pals over the last couple of weeks.

MarcuM: Excellent points, champ!

Monroe: We'll be back with this match after our final ad break!

Ad!

Havok returns and in the ring BPT is working over Sammitch's leg with knees and elbows. Schwarz is standing on the floor, nodding and smiling her head.

Monroe: Welcome back, fans, and as you can see Big Pimp Tim is in control of the match! Surprisingly, he's using actual wrestling to dominate Sammitch!

MarcuM: What do you mean surprisingly ? BPT is a technical master! He keeps his pimp hand strong just for occasions like this!

JM: And for keeping Krazed and J in line and working his street corners, no doubt.

MarcuM: That's fucked up. That ain't right.

BPT backs into the ropes for a running knee, but Sammitch manages to roll out of the way as BPT's knee hits the mat. BPT clutches his knee as Sammitch attempts to get to his feet.

Sammitch makes it up and goes for a figure four leglock, but before he can finish applying the move, BPT pokes him in the eyes and escapes. BPT starts working over Sammitch's back with forearm blows and applies a cravat hold. At ringside, Schwarz is jumping up and down and applauding.

Monroe: BPT seems to have Sammitch under control.

Sammitch works his way around and manages to lift BPT up and into a back drop, breaking the hold, but putting both men down on the mat.

Monroe: Sammitch broke the hold, but at great cost!

JM: He's fighting from behind, you do what you have to do in those cases.

MarcuM: So you approve of Sammitch's cheap heat tactics?

JM: I never said that.

Both BPT and Sammitch are struggling to pull themselves to their feet as Schwarz cheers on at ringside. BPT is up first and he charges Sammitch, but Sammitch goes low with an elbow to the gut! He slips around behind Tim and goes for the Sammitch Suplexes!

Monroe: Sammitch Suplex!

Followed by a second!

MarcuM: Sammitch Suplex. . .

And a third!

JM: Trifecta. Didn't JLA do this bit earlier tonight?

Sammitch applies the Sammitch Submission and the crowd gets to their feet!

Monroe: Sammitch Submission!

MarcuM: Fight it, BPT! Fight it!

BPT manages to pull himself over to the ropes and he grabs the bottom rope, wrapping his arms around it. The official calls for Sammitch to break the hold and he does. Sammitch takes a moment to absorb the cheers of the fans. BPT is up again and tries for an attack from behind, but Sammitch anticipates this and goes for a Sammitch Strike, but BPT grabs his arm and applies a cross arm breaker, forcing Sammitch back down to the mat!

JM: BPT seems to have Sammitch pretty well scouted. He knew exactly what move Sammitch was going for there.

Sammitch manages to get his feet around the ropes, forcing a break, but BPT picks him up by the hair and slings him into the ropes in preparation for a Tilt A Whirl backbreaker. But Sammitch slips out of the move and works around Tim, managing to roll him up into a pinning position!

Monroe: He's got him pinned!

The referee quickly slides into position and makes the three count just before BPT manages to kick out! He raises Sammitch's arm, and BPT is furious!

MarcuM: BPT is furious!

Monroe: We can see that! Sammitch wins! Sammitch wins!

Schwarz climbs into the ring and attempts to console Tim, but he's not having it. He slightly pushes her away and gets to his feet, hitting Sammitch from behind with a double axehandle and pounding him down. He picks Sammitch up and tosses him over the top rope!

MarcuM: Sammitch's punkass went over the top rope!

Monroe: But Sammitch has already won the match!

Schwarz again tries to comfort Tim, but he tries to push her off again. She starts talking to him and he begins to smile. Schwarz then says something else and Tim responds angrily. Schwarz smacks him and BPT's furious. He grabs her hand and she drops to her knees crying as the crowd booes heavily.

"Waking the Dead" starts to play as Ghost Hog runs down to ringside and slides into the ring. BPT slides out of the ring as Ghost Hog points at him angrily. Ghost Hog turns to comfort Schwarz and as he goes to help her up, she hits him with a low blow! Following that she nails Ghost Hog with a heelkick, leaving a bloody gash on his face!

Monroe: Did you see that??!!

MarcuM: I told you! I told you she wanted BPT!!!!

Schwarz and Tim embrace as Schwarz cradles his face and she jumps up on him with her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist and back. They exit together smiling.

Ghost Hog wipes some of the blood from his face and looks at it, smiling demonicly. He then exits the ring still smiling evilly and not acknowledging the crowd or anyone else.

"Peace of Mind" begins playing again as Sammitch returns to the ring. The crowd cheers as he stands there. Joe Mama removes his headset and stands up.

JM: Excuse me, fellas, something I've got to do.

JM climbs into the ring and raises Sammitch's hand in victory. The crowd goes wild. JM holds the belt up and Sammitch moves to hold it up as well, but JM takes the belt and smacks him in the face with it!

Monroe: My Gob!! What did he just do!!!!!

JM picks Sammitch up and nails him with an East Coast Hammer!!!!

JM: Sammitch, you want my belt, you're gonna have to man up and fight me for it!

"Faded" starts to play as JM picks up the belt and leaves the ring. Some fans cheer him, others boo heavily.

The camera then cuts to Strippers N Waffles where a very tired looking MisterJLA and an equally tired looking Johnny Evil sit at the bar with beers and waffles piled in front of them. JE holds up the BattleWar championship belt.

JE: Seriously, take it. I have like twelve more of these at home.

Show ends.