RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Fortress of Awesome Chat I wrote a story for Readers Digest, please give me some feedback

Snarf in Hell
By Son of Mxy

Sometime in the future, Snarf died (his death was rejoiced) and his soul was sent to hell. Snarf, the little bitch that he is, found Satan and started bitching.

"I'm not supposed to be dead yet. I am only 75 years old and that's only 3/4ths of 100." He said, "I have seen people who lived until they are 100 years old."

"Oh man, somebody fucked up the inventory of souls, you're supposed to live for 25 more years." Said Satan. "but you're already dead and I can't send you back until 25 years have passed, which is a bit of a catch 22." Added Satan.

"On the other hand, you don't have a place here yet so I can't keep you." The devil said, while stroking his beard.

The little bitch Snarf, the useless piece of shit that he is, is confounded "What are we going to do? This is unfair." He bitched.

Satan furrowed his flaming eyebrows and said, "tell you what, you have some friends here who got light sentences in the sense that they've been given their own personal hell, and they have been around for longer than 25 years. I can send them back and you can take their place."

Because Snarf is a piece of shit and would try to avoid hard work and pain as much as possible, he accepted the offer. He was brought in front of two rooms.

Satan opened the first room. The room's occupant is Joe Mama, who is tied upside down on top of a big tub of beer. He is repeatedly dunked in the tub of beer until he runs out of air, and he is brought up again for a few seconds and the process is repeated all over.

"I don't like this one. I know Joe Mama actually likes being drowned in beer but I'm not fond of such low quality liquor" bitched Snarf. "Show me the other room"

The other room is opened. Inside, he saw PJP spread eagled in a bed and handcuffed, while sneaky bunny is giving him a blowjob. sneaky bunny is really going into town, and PJP has an ecstatic look on his face.

"This is happening for all eternity" said Satan with a smile on his face.

Sweet! thought Snarf. This is actually what I have always wanted and I once realized that it's never going to happen. But there's gotta be a catch in here, I don't trust the Devil, snarf thinks.

"Satan, is this really true? I mean, there's gotta be a catch, right? Like this is just an illusion or a dream"

"Ah hell no. It's real and there's no trick. What you're seeing is what you'll get if you choose this room. For all eternity. You will experience this personal hell exactly as you see it."

"Okay, I choose this one." Said Snarf

"Are you sure?" asked Satan

"Yes, I'm sure" confirmed Snarf "I accept this personal hell as long as it will not change forever"

"Okay" Satan said, "sneaky bunny, you can go back to earth now because King Snarf will take your place"


THE END. We all lived happilly ever after.

Go home Roger.

I would just like to take this opportunity to say that it was Writers Digest, not Readers Digest.
Did I ever tell anyone that I came 13th?
I also placed 13th in the competition. How weird is that?

This is a variation of a Bill Clinton joke:



Bill Clinton dies, and goes to hell.
Satan tells Clinton he can choose from several options of how he'll spend eternity.
Satan opens the door to a first room, where Ted Kennedy is standing on a bridge. He jumps off, into the river, swims to shore, and then goes back up to the bridge, and jumps off and swims again. Over and over for eternity.
"So what do you think?", Satan asks.
"I don't know..." Clinton responds "I catch cold easily, that isn't a good choice for me"

Satan opens a door to a second room, where Charles Coulson is breaking up huge rocks with a sledge hammer, for all eternity.
"So what do you think?" Satan asks.
"Well, my hands are kind of sensitive. I think all that impact would hurt them. This isn't for me either.

Satan opens another door. Inside is Jesse Jackson lying on his back. Kneeling over him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what Monica Lewinsky does best.
"so what do you think?" asks Satan.
"Yeah. I think I can do this!" says Clinton.
"Okay, Monica" says Satan, "You can go..."

You get points for style, though, S O M.

You plagarist cunt, Wondy.
I hope you go to hell with Snarf.

I thought the Snarf character in this story was a bitch.

I thought Wondy was as well.

Did SOM write his post for him as well?

this story is about real life and real people.

I remember this one guy who wrote a story, and it finished 8th
http://www.writersdigest.com/article/annualwinners77_genre
A year later he tried again, and instead of getting better at his craft, he actually got worse.
http://www.writersdigest.com/article/annualwinners78_genre

I cant wait til June to see if he got even worse.

Reader's Digest isn't ready for the Teen Templars yet.

It is 3/4ths ready for the Teen Templars

Its ok pothead. Let it all out. Look what its done for glen beck.

Yeah Lothar, cause its not like SOM told exactly the same joke, but with more effort and humour.

my version is better because it's based on a true story.

Also, Lothar is a gay

He's G-Gay.

Are you stuttering or just making up words.

Lothar, please try to keep up with the terms used on this board.
Surely its not that hard, even for a retard like you.

Next you will be correcting people for their spelling of Elsia or Jermery.

jermamamry

jejermeimamr

Jerecunt!

Jereabacabbadooschamalamahoohoo!

-Adam Sandler