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#174976 2003-12-17 1:22 PM
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My personal designs on a modern Superman. An attempt at blurring/merging the Man of Steel, with Smallville, and his original 1938 origin.

Feedback requested. :)

quote:
The Legend of Superman

- The Last Son of the planet Krypton, the baby Kal-el is rocketed into space, barely escaping the destruction of his home planet. Ageless in a stasis-chamber, his rocket would travel aimlessly for centuries, until falling into a localized wormhole.

Re-emerging near the Sol system, our Sun's gravity would slingshot his trajectory into Earth's atmosphere, crashlanding in Smallville, Kansas, in the year 1969. The Kents, a young couple who were never able to have children, would be returning from an orphanage in Metropolis, just having adopted their first child that night. A two-year old named Alex. Finding the ship, and the baby Kal-el inside, the Kents decide to keep Kal's true origin secret from the world, and raise him along with his adopted brother. They name their baby Clark, after Martha Kent's maiden name.

Clark and Alex Kent grow up together. Alex is diagnosed early in his life with a strange disease that robs him of his hair, and keeps him somewhat sickly. Clark idolizes his slightly older brother. But, Alex is jealous of Clark's seemingly perfect health.

By the age of 18, Alex, or just 'Lex', as his friends call him, uncovers the identity of his real parents, finding out that he is the illegitimate heir to the fortune of one of the most powerful family's in the world, the Luthors. Having never heeded Jonathan Kent's love and wisdom, due to his irrational jealousy of the attention his parents paid his brother, Lex legally changes his name to Luthor, secretly causes the murder of his real biological father, and claims the family fortune for himself.

Meanwhile, Clark grows up to be a stable, rational, kind-hearted man, who respects all aspects of life, and the humble nature of the life of a farmer. It is only a year or so after his brother moved away, did he begin to realize his strength, speed, endurance, and stamina was growing exponentially, and how different he was from normal men. His father finally reveals the truth of his alien heritage, by showing him the ship he had kept hidden all of these years. Clark finds himself weakened as he nears the strange ship in the storm cellar, Jonathan Kent believing it is merely the shock of the revelation. It would be many years later before anyone would guess that the small, green fragment of Kal's homeworld, lodged in the side of the ship, was the cause for not only this weakened state, but for the strange disease that Lex had acquired from exposure at his infant age that dark, fateful night the ship had come to Earth.

Running a tyrannical business empire, Lex soon begins to systematically buy-out all the land of the family's in Smallville, targeting only those whose children had tormented and made fun of his physical condition all the long years growing up. When Jonathan Kent goes to Metropolis to confront his adopted son of the wrong he is doing, a heated argument of ethics, and resentful pain long-past-buried is brought to the surface. Subsequently, Jonathan's frail heart cannot handle the stress and heartbreak of seeing a child he loves be corrupted so, and dies of a heartattack in the arms of his prodigal son.

With the death of his father, Clark confronts his step-brother, physically pushing his way into his office, emotionally outraged. Lex, so contorted and twisted in his own lifelong grief, proves that he can best Clark legally at every turn, and has a restraining order placed upon him. Now, Lex is the powerful one. He is stronger than anyone, as he controls the system with money and intelligence.

From this point on, Clark and Lex will become enemies.

Realizing the only way to oppose such criminal behavior as this, and vowing to never allow the common man to be oppressed like Lex has done to so many families, Clark makes a promise on his father's grave, and creates a new identity for himself. Taking after the legends of the Golden heroes of World War II, Clark dons a costume that represents his beliefs, and idolizes the aspects of life that matter most to him:

Red, for the blood of the innocent common men spilled throughout history.

Blue, for the glorious planet Earth, that he has always called home.

And Yellow, for the light of the Sun, the source of his amazing gifts.

He will stand for those that cannot. He will fight the fights that no normal man can. Because, he is more than a man.

He is the uber-man. The ultimate man.

The Superman.

Faster than sound. More powerful than a tactical nuke. Able to leap one-hundred miles in a single bound.

Superman fights for moral truth, common justice, and peace for the planet Earth.

His face rarely caught on camera, due to his impossible speed, Superman becomes a 21st Century icon of hope; a legend that is glimpsed only when there is injustice, no matter how small. Corruption on the highest level of every government is forced into the open through his actions. Social injustice, and domestic abuse, get paid a heavy hand of retribution, as Superman defends those that cannot, with equal force. Never taking a life, unless it is neccessary for the greater whole, Superman spreads his ideals throughout the populace of the planet, showing that any and every man can be a superman, if they have enough courage and determination to do the right thing. And, as Clark Kent, he continues the tradition of his father before him, taking care of his mother, and tending to the family farm. Producing life from the Earth, and caring for that life, is the cornerstone from which he is shaped.

And, even though Lex Luthor recognizes the actions of what can only be his brother, he refuses to acknowledge it. He will not attack his brother outright, as he has no wish to ever bring harm or death to his mother, and the memory of the only family he has ever known. But, this 'Superman'. This being that stands before the public eye, and dares to attempt to grasp, what he believes, is his 'righful' power of control. This, he vows, will be undone. No one shall take his power. No one. And, he will not rest until this Superman is dealt with, once and for all.

Thus, the legend of Superman.


#174977 2003-12-17 10:09 PM
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I thought the whole Clark and Lex being brothers thing was corny and so cliche and the Jon Kent death scence was laughable but the rest is all good, especially the symbolism of the colors.

#174978 2003-12-17 11:23 PM
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You suck, Turkish!

#174979 2003-12-18 12:58 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Anonymous One:
I thought the whole Clark and Lex being brothers thing was corny and so cliche and the Jon Kent death scence was laughable but the rest is all good, especially the symbolism of the colors.

You have a point. So, basically, remove all Smallville influences?

#174980 2003-12-18 12:59 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Grimm:
You suck, Turkish!

You're such a tease.

Now go clean the temple...

#174981 2003-12-18 1:11 AM
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I started reading this but I got bored when it became apparent "Alex" was Lex Luthor.

#174982 2003-12-18 1:44 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Turkish Stringfellow:
quote:
Originally posted by Grimm:
You suck, Turkish!

You're such a tease.

Now go clean the temple...

I'd rather clean the temple maidens. . . [mwah hwah haa] [nyah hah]

#174983 2003-12-18 2:21 AM
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I thought that was my job...

#174984 2003-12-18 6:07 AM
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It's a vocation

#174985 2003-12-18 11:52 AM
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I thought it was a calling. . .

#174986 2003-12-18 11:56 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave:
I started reading this but I got bored when it became apparent "Alex" was Lex Luthor.

Way to hurt my feelings, Dave. (j/k) [wink]

So, the main consensus I'm getting (although the Walrus and Grimm have not given any real input) is that the Smallville blend (i.e. Luthor and Clark as brothers) is wrong for the rest of the mix. I can understand that, as it was the part I was least anxious to work.

But, understand that I wrote this with the 'what-if-it-were-to-get-published' mindset. In my mind, a corporation like Time/Warner/AOL/DC Comics would want the Smallville influence, as it is a section of the franchise they are eager to milk. Personally, I don't enjoy that aspect. It's the 1938-original aspect that I would seriously want to see played up.

I appreciate everyone's input, so far.

Anyone else? :)

#174987 2003-12-18 11:58 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Neilencio:
It's a vocation

Considering we are talking about the Chewster and Grimmish, I'd call it a vacation... :lol:

#174988 2003-12-18 7:39 PM
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Can I ask what the purpose of this is?

If you're just goofing about, then fine, goof around.

But if you honestly think that DC are going to be interested in a pitch, any pitch, from an unknown, then you need to get out in the sun more and maybe take up jai alai. From a probability perspective, you'll have more luck getting into the world jai alai championships than writing for DC.

#174989 2003-12-18 8:13 PM
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Way to crush all of a small boys hopes and dreams right before the Holidays, Mr. Grinch!

#174990 2003-12-18 8:39 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave:
Can I ask what the purpose of this is?

I think you just did. :)

If you're just goofing about, then fine, goof around.

But if you honestly think that DC are going to be interested in a pitch, any pitch, from an unknown, then you need to get out in the sun more and maybe take up jai alai.


Assuming that I have no earthly concept what "jai alai" is, or, how I am supposed to relate this to your point, I have to ask you, has this thread offended you in some way? If so, it was not intentional. This is a comics forum, made up of a nice mix of comic book fans. Thus, I just wanted to shoot the shit with a creative twist. Get ideas flowing. Get a feel for what's pumping in the veins of fandom as a whole (not in the poofy way, of course. Unless you're rich.) I'm merely asking for creative input. I appreciate intelligent, and constructive criticism. But, really, if you are going to make fun of me, at least use some of the standard "comic book geek in mother's basement"-jabs. [wink]

From a probability perspective, you'll have more luck getting into the world jai alai championships than writing for DC.

I guess I was unclear in my statements. The implication of writing it with the mindset of actual publication is simply a mental exercise that I thought was apparent. As a fan, I can dream up a thousand different scenarioes for my favorite DC characters.

However, the truth...the reality...of the comic book industry is that it is a business like any other. Nine-tenths of what I (and probably half of fandom) dream up would NEVER be published in a million years. The label of the "unknown writer" aside, fans (not as a whole, mind you) tend to dream up extremely implausible concepts, forgetting the business aspect of marketing.

This Superman origin was simply an exercise to see how far I'm willing to adapt my personal storytelling needs (love of the 1938 Superman) to conform with the demands of current marketing (the Smallville influence).

That's all.

I would, though, personally enjoy what your personal take on Superman should be. Not in a "Can you do better"-way. But, you are widely rumored for your distaste with the spandex crowd. I guess I'm curious to see where your distaste falls specifically, and what steps would be taken to improve it, or raise it to your level of personal enjoyment.

I appreciate your input. :)



#174991 2003-12-18 8:44 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Chewy Walrus:
Way to crush all of a small boys hopes and dreams right before the Holidays, Mr. Grinch!

How dare you compare Dave to Jim Carrey!!

...or, if you meant the original, Seuss-Grinch, then....

How dare you compare Seuss' beloved character to Dave!!

#174992 2003-12-18 9:52 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Turkish Stringfellow:
...or, if you meant the original, Seuss-Grinch, then....

How dare you compare Seuss' beloved character to Dave!!

Yeah. The Grinch's heart was just several sizes too small. Everyone knows that lawyers don't have hearts. [nyah hah] [wink] [biiiig grin]

#174993 2003-12-19 1:47 AM
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quote:
although the Walrus and Grimm have not given any real input)
Ok, you want it, here it is.

Stop worrying about marketing and trends and just write. You're not a fifteen year old or a middle aged corporate suit, so stop trying to write for them and write for you.

You want to redefine Superman for a modern age? Fine, give me a twenty-first century Superman, not a 1938 Superman, or a 1965 Superman, or a 1986 Superman, ad nauseum. Don't give me John Byrne's Superman, or Alan Moore's Superman, or BillyJoeBobSammyJim's Superman. Give me. YOUR Superman.

You have a big enough imagination that you could do that if you really chose to. I've seen you write bigger and better things than this rehashed Smallville treatment. I know you can do it.

quote:
Taking after the legends of the Golden heroes of World War II, Clark dons a costume that represents his beliefs, and idolizes the aspects of life that matter most to him:

Red, for the blood of the innocent common men spilled throughout history.

Blue, for the glorious planet Earth, that he has always called home.

And Yellow, for the light of the Sun, the source of his amazing gifts.

He will stand for those that cannot. He will fight the fights that no normal man can. Because, he is more than a man.

He is the uber-man. The ultimate man.

The Superman.

This is an excellent piece and the only thing that really feels like you wrote it. Give me the rest of this. Give me a story that goes with this. That's all I have to say.

#174994 2003-12-19 2:08 AM
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Grimm, you are a beautiful man, even if I won't sleep with you... [biiiig grin]

Thank you. Now I see your point. And, I guess you are right. This is going to take some consideration, as I am usually partial to certain aspects of previous Superm(e)n.

But, I will think on this. Again, thank you. This is exactly what I've been asking for. :)

BTW, you read the Authority/Lobo X-Mas special? Friggin' hilarious! Giffen at his best.

#174995 2003-12-19 2:08 AM
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quote:
This Superman origin was simply an exercise to see how far I'm willing to adapt my personal storytelling needs (love of the 1938 Superman) to conform with the demands of current marketing (the Smallville influence).

I'm not out to offend you- I'm pretty much in line with what Grimm says. I'm of the Warren Ellis school of thought: you're gushingly servicing a trade mark when you write stuff like this. Writing an established character in comics is one of the lowest forms of creative prostitution, along with soap opera writing and scripting pro-wrestling. Writing fan fic is worse, because you don't even get paid for it. Even hookers charge a fee when their clients piss in their mouths.

Write something interesting and novel, and then you'll get a constructive critique - and encouragement - on your work.

If you come here and post a fairly mundane (no offence) rehash on a character's origin, where that character is tired and creatively strip-mined, then you don't get any compassion points from me for your text. Its just a target for ridicule. Folks here will start asking you if you think Superman moves through time and space, and he should grow a porno moustahce.

#174996 2003-12-19 2:25 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave:
I'm not out to offend you-

I'm down with that. :)

I'm pretty much in line with what Grimm says. I'm of the Warren Ellis school of thought: you're gushingly servicing a trade mark when you write stuff like this.

Hmmm. Excellent point. And, one that I had not truly thought about from this perspective.

Writing an established character in comics is one of the lowest forms of creative prostitution, along with soap opera writing and scripting pro-wrestling.

I don't mind the concept of writing established characters, as they were one of many childhood influences on the development of my imagination. I guess what I want, and as you and Grimm have pointed out, is to bring in aspects of other imaginative influences that have personally shaped me over my lifetime (i.e. Vonnegut, Douglas Adams, Milton, etc., etc.).

But, you are right. And, I see that now. I need to find my own voice.

Writing fan fic is worse, because you don't even get paid for it. Even hookers charge a fee when their clients piss in their mouths.

:lol: Nice.

Write something interesting and novel, and then you'll get a constructive critique - and encouragement - on your work.

Actually, this is the type of constructive criticism I was seeking.

If you come here and post a fairly mundane (no offense)

None taken. I asked, and I demand raw honesty.

rehash on a character's origin, where that character is tired and creatively strip-mined, then you don't get any compassion points from me for your text. Its just a target for ridicule.

I don't expect compassion. But, I don't expect serious ridicule, either. I only want exactly what you are giving me in this critical expression. As someone who loves to write, I need this type of feedback. Else, how will I ever improve?

Folks here will start asking you if you think Superman moves through time and space, and he should grow a porno moustahce.

Why, yes....he should grow a porno mustache.

Superman.....moving through time....and space?

...that would be cool...


Thanks for your honest input Dave. Sincerely. :)

#174997 2003-12-19 10:53 AM
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Its very hard to offend you, isn't it? [wink]

You should contribute to Bobo Comics #3.

#174998 2003-12-19 12:09 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave:
Its very hard to offend you, isn't it? [wink]

As Spider Jerusalem put it, America's a "Culture of Victims". I refuse to be a member of that culture.

Life's too short to waste being offended. [wink]



#174999 2003-12-19 12:41 PM
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I'm offended by the responses on this thread! [nyah hah]

Hmm. . .porno mustache Superman. . .there's a variant action figure we haven't seen yet. [wink]


Lobo/Authority Xmas! Giffen is back, baby! Lovin it!

#175000 2003-12-19 8:06 PM
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You don't have to include all the elements and characters, you know. Smallville, the Kents, Metropolis, the Planet, Lois... Personally, the only one I'd keep if I were to reinvent the character would be Lex. That rivalry goes beyond timelines or universes or publishing companies or whatever you wanna call em.

#175001 2003-12-20 1:21 AM
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I completely and totally agree with the Grimmbo, Pro. You're too good a writer to regurgitate WB programming with a comic book twist. I've read your stuff - heck, I loved H&L! I thought it was one of the best pieces I've seen you complete (note the use of this word [wink] ). Do you know why that is? You worried more about telling a good story that you wanted to tell as opposed to worrying about someone else's thoughts on the treatment of their respective characters.

Write for your own sake, man. That's what I've been doing over at FRINGE and, while I may not be as consistent over there, it's more fun because I'm telling the stories that I want to tell and am telling them at my own pace. Writing's not about pleasing people (unless you wanna whore yourself out, like Dave was talkin' 'bout). It's about writing. You've got some crazy ideas and some crazy influences. I highly recommend you utilize them.

You've got the gift, my friend. I've said it before. Now, the only trick is to utilize it! [wink]

#175002 2003-12-21 4:15 AM
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I'm not a writer, nor would I try to be. But I also agree with Dave. I would hope, that when DC, Marvel, etc, hire someone to write for their books, it's because that writer offer's something fresh and compelling. Even if they assign a writer to "re-hash" an older existing concept, it should be that writer's "spin" on it.


But as a comic fan, who's been reading about these characters for years, I have formed my own opinions and ideas on how certain characters could be written better.

Especially little used characters that I feel have some potential.

#175003 2003-12-21 4:31 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Doc.Mid-Nite:
I would hope, that when DC, Marvel, etc, hire someone to write for their books, it's because that writer offer's something fresh and compelling. Even if they assign a writer to "re-hash" an older existing concept, it should be that writer's "spin" on it.

The problem is that people that don't care about how good a story is actually exist. They just care about their precious status quo being preserved for eternity and nothing else. If you don't believe me check out ManoftheAtom's rants. He actually said to me "John Byrne's Superman origin should be valid FOR EVER AND EVER!"

#175004 2003-12-20 5:39 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by I'm Not Mister Mxypltk:
quote:
Originally posted by Doc.Mid-Nite:
I would hope, that when DC, Marvel, etc, hire someone to write for their books, it's because that writer offer's something fresh and compelling. Even if they assign a writer to "re-hash" an older existing concept, it should be that writer's "spin" on it.

The problem is that people that don't care about how good a story is actually exist. They just care about their precious status quo being preserved for eternity and nothing else. If you don't believe me check out ManoftheAtom's rants. He actually said to me "John Byrne's Superman origin should be valid FOR EVER AND EVER!"
Sorry to say, but I have read those. [no no no] Anyway I do believe in continuity and established character traits, but not the hampering of creativity. I feel writer's should learn continuity, and look for loop-holes. This way if they plan to use continuity they can find someway to put their own creative "spin" on that continuity without screwing up what someone else has already built.

#175005 2003-12-20 10:48 PM
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I definitely think that we all need to see Pro's "Ultimate Superman". That'd kick much gluet!!

#175006 2003-12-20 11:09 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Chewy Walrus:
I definitely think that we all need to see Pro's "Ultimate Superman". That'd kick much gluet!!

Yeah, I can't wait to read it too. BTW, to all you writers out there, I hope when you see me discussing characters and their portrayals, that you know I'm just doing it for fun and that I really don't take any of my concepts seriously, I just throw out my ideas for the sake of conversation.

#175007 2003-12-21 12:53 AM
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Doc Midnite, if you like reading amateur fiction, then I highly recommend that you stop over by the Hero Headquarters v. 2.0, where Pro, Grimm, Mxy, and others are regular posters. It's a ficticious universe built entirely from scratch (with a few throw-backs to the infamous old MBL), but with the addition of non-MBL posters and some fresh, new concepts, it's grown to be quite an impressive feat. Check out the FAQ thread for any questions and a way to get started in your reading. (Also check out the JLR stories and Stupid Dogg's Divine Anthology, both of which are quite good.) Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't recommend my own current projects over at Cap'n Sammitch's Boards - FRINGE Comics. It's basically a spin-off of the universe created over at HHQv.2, but the stories that are up now don't require any knowledge of that universe to enjoy them. I'd be anxious and curious to hear your thoughts, as well as any others who might like to stop on over (I know Pro and Mxy have... heck, they're probably waiting for me to post more... [eh... i dunno... ] )


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