RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Fortress of Awesome Chat Advise to those of you who plan on having children...

... and not in the way that Halo 'has' children, either.

When naming your children, don't be dicks and try and get creative with it. A simple, ordinary name is good enough. Yeah, you want your kid to be an individual; but that doesn't mean that your retarded ass has to come up with some bullshit to try and make sure that your kid has a name that's different from everyone else. Here are a few guidelines to follow.

• Don't make shit up. Seriously, if it doesn't already exist, don't create it. You may think you're being clever and intellectual, but you're not. In reality, you're most likely making up a word that looks or sounds like another word that's going to cause your child to be the butt of a shitload of jokes. For example, you name your kid Latissue. Way to go. Your kid now sounds like a French snot rag. Congratulations. You're a dick.
• If you don't speak a certain language, you shouldn't choose a name from that language for your kid. If you don't speak Cherokee or Apache, then your kid doesn't need to have and Indian name. It's shows just how much of dipshit you are. If you're black, yes, you're of African ancestry. That doesn't mean that you need to start pillaging the continent's languages for funky-fresh names for your offspring. And, let's be honest, if you don't speak Nigerian or what-the-fuck-ever language, you have no idea if what you're naming your kid even means what you think it means. Yeah, you may think that you've given your pretty daughter a beautiful name that means 'Warm Sunshine' or some shit; but in thirty years when she takes that trip to Africa and finds out that her name really means 'Shithouse Whore', how much do you think she'll want that special name then?
• Don't add punctuation to names. Maybe you want to change the sound of it or whatever. Just don't fucking do it. Naming your kid Jor'Dan makes him seem more like a comic book alien. Jordan. Is that so goddamn hard? Punctuation is for sentences.
• Don't fuck with the spelling. It's not cute. It's pretty gay, actually. It'll also lead to a life of erasure marks and scribbles on official documents from schools, hospitals, police reports, etc. Just spell it like everyone else.
• Don't get carried away. If the number of letters in your kid's first name starts to hit the double digits, FUCKING STOP! Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with you? How the hell is your kid ever going to get a license or take the SAT with a name that fills in all the goddamn boxes on the form before even getting halfway done?

If you don't see the point in the previously listed rules or why they should be followed, you are probably better off not having kids to begin with. Trust me. Their unborn souls will thank you for not having to deal with that bullshit moniker you would have stuck them with.

A lot of stupid people here like to name their kids with English names. It sounds stupid when the last name is Latin, but it's even worse when the parents don't even know how to spell the name they've so carefully chosen. I know a kid named Maikol (after Maikol Jackson) and I've heard of another named Por (after Por McCartney). I've also heard about a single mother naming her baby Usnavy (pronounced Oos-nah-vee), because that's what it said in the "name tag" of the foreign sailor who fucked and dumped her.

Lately, the trend has been using Japanese names. I heard this from a med student who has treated babies with names like Inuyasha Lopez or something. I told him that if the generation from the 80's was as promiscuous as today's anime-loving emo kids, we'd have a lot of people named Optimus Perez running around.

AND, don't use common adjectives or nouns as names.

A year ago I was waiting in the DMV and a girl said her real name was Princess, and the employee with a name tag that said "King" double checked to make sure it was real. At least King Harkinian knew how to sound out his words without constant slurring.

I also have met actual people named Precious and Looney.

This is life, not a GI Joe cartoon, people.

Do not give you kid the initials "BJ". They'll turn out like me.

.....nah. Too easy.

indeed...

My job has an endless flow of crazy ass names coming across my desk. Everything that I've used as an example in this thread is a real name that I've seen. The use of the fucking apostrophe has been a major player as of late.

I'm also going to add that you should never name your kid after a country. Saudi. Really? You want your kid's name to now and forever be Saudi?

And never, ever, name your kid after a brutal dictator. He'll never grow up to be president if that happens.

Fuck you! I'm gonna name my kid Audio Science and that's that.

also: never name your kid after you.
ever.

doubly so if you're already a junior. just knock it off.

I named all four of mine LLance, Jr.-even the girls!

My baby is Rebecca Rae, Diana Marie is her older sister, followed by older brother Steven William all more or less named by their Mother. I did insist on naming the first born, the eldest son after me...sorta...Kelly James whereas my name is James Kelly. Did I do a bad thing? I can't count the number of times I've got these goofy stares but Kelly was a boy's name way before it was a girl's name!!!!!!!!

You didn't name him Kel'ly Ja'mes, so your didn't do a bad job.

Did wanky name this thread?

http://www.slangcity.com/b_b_name.htm
Any parent who names their kid Gaylord should have their ass kicked.

There's some hick family that's been in the news lately for naming their kid Adolf Hitler.







No, its not uschi's.

Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it.

Its gonna be my kid. Your wife just says its yours.

I married a tube sock?

You married a tube sock?

I married a tube sock.

You married a tube sock.

Holy shit. He can only grow up to be awesome.

One of the things over here is the use of what I call "old people names".
For years nobody has named their kids names like Alfred and Albert, but all of a sudden its become this fad to use names that have no right to still exist outside of an old peoples home or a cemetary.

This is especially the case with African girls.
They either have an old womans name or get called names like Honey, Precious, Honesty, Modesty or Chastity.
They think they are giving them English names because they live in England, but nobody English uses these names!

There is an Indian family that own a shop local to me, and they have 3 daughters and a son.
I am not sure whether they came here before or after the kids were born, but all the kids had proper Indian names, yet the parents tried to make their names more English, by renaming them all.
The boy was lucky as he became Robbie, but the girls were saddled with Sunny, Honey and Picky!

Picky is probably a high-maintenance girl.

You also should name your kid "whomods daughter".

All Indian girls are high maintenance.
I mean, plastic surgery would cost a fortune to make any of them attractive!

They always say that if you have a daughter, when they get to dating age, you start to worry.
There is though, a simple solution. Just name your daughter King Snarf, and nobody would ever want to fuck her!

Only problem with this is she would not be able to hold down a job, and you would end up supporting her!

I like the generic Indian aesthetic.

I also know people that named their kid "Bling Bling." And my friend's dad was #12 of 18 kids, and his parents just gave up on names -- he's L Wilson.

Geez, dude.

I'm naming Uschi's baby Sarcasm.

Awww! But I had my heart set on Vladimir Lenin!

I am the walrus.

Be careful saying shit like that, Sammitch will try to capture you and lock you in his basement!

again.

He thought you had escaped your chains by losing shit loads of weight.
Can you imagine his surprise when he took you back to the basement and found that Chewy Walrus was still there, and still as fat as ever!

Ok.

Regarding stupid names, I think I have the winner:
"Aeryella."
Pronounced like "Ariella," which is already a pretty cringeworthy name. But then. The father's a 21-year old retard who impregnated the druggie retard mother when she was 16... so. You can't expect great things there. Even hoping for mediocrity is asking too much...

Thanks for your input, suicide boy.