RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

You know, Barack Obama the last ten days was traveling overseas campaigning in Europe and everywhere. It was so successful, campaigning abroad, that he is actually thinking about campaigning here in the United States.

You know, Barack Obama the last ten days was traveling overseas campaigning in Europe and everywhere. It was so successful, campaigning abroad, that he is actually thinking about campaigning here in the United States.

"Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama’s birth certificate to make sure that it’s real. Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump’s hair." –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama released his birth certificate today, proving once and for all that he was born in the United States. Yep, the certificate clearly shows that he was born on the all-American street of Kalanianaole Highway at the Kapiolani Hospital in Oahu." –Jimmy Fallon 


"President Obama released his long-form birth certificate yesterday. So we found the birth certificate. Now it's on to bin Laden." –David Letterman

"I’m surprised Donald Trump isn’t investigating whether Hawaii is an official state. A lot of vowels over there and not enough consonants." –Jimmy Kimmel

“Sarah Palin has written two books, her daughter Bristol has a book coming out – and now Levi Johnston is writing one too. Who would’ve ever guessed that America’s greatest literary dynasty would come out of an igloo?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"It's a beautifully, lovely spring day. It was so nice down in Washington that President Obama was out on the White House lawn making a kite out of his birth certificate." –David Letterman

"President Obama finally showed his birth certificate and it turns out he was born in Hawaii, of all places." –Jimmy Kimmel




“These people could have personally witnessed him being born out of an apple pie, in the middle of a Kansas wheat field, while Toby Keith sang the National Anthem – and they’d still think he was a Kenyan Muslim." –Jimmy Kimmel


"Levi Johnston is now writing a book about the Palin family. He's not writing it himself. He's using a ghost moron." –Jay Leno

"Today President Obama released his long-form birth certificate, proving once and for all he was born in this country. But you know, it never ends. Now Republican leaders are saying they want to see the placenta." –Jay Leno


"Did you see Donald Trump today? He said, 'I'm very proud of myself because I accomplished something no one else was able to accomplish.' So basically Trump is taking credit for President Obama proving that everything Trump has been saying for the last year is a bunch of crap." –Jay Leno


"It’s the 75th anniversary of the introduction of Social Security checks. For the younger viewers who don’t know what a Social Security check is, you’ll never see one in your lifetime, so don’t worry about it." –Jay Leno

"The man who invented the teleprompter has died at the age of 91. When President Obama heard the news, he was speechless." –Jay Leno

"After releasing the birth certificate today, he said 'There's work to be done, there are real problems in this country, and we don't have time for this silliness.' Then he and Michelle got on a plane and flew to Chicago to tape an episode of Oprah." –Jay Leno



The President of the United States should strive to be always mindful of the fact that he serves his party best who serves his country best.
Rutherford B. Hayes

The progress of society is mainly the improvement in the condition of the workingmen of the world.
Rutherford B. Hayes

The filth and noise of the crowded streets soon destroy the elasticity of health which belongs to the country boy.
Rutherford B. Hayes

The independence of all political and other bother is a happiness.
Rutherford B. Hayes

One of the tests of the civilization of people is the treatment of its criminals.
Rutherford B. Hayes

The bold enterprises are the successful ones. Take counsel of hopes rather than of fears to win in this business.
Rutherford B. Hayes

No person connected with me by blood or marriage will be appointed to office.
Rutherford B. Hayes


The truth is, this being errand boy to one hundred and fifty thousand people tires me so by night I am ready for bed instead of soirees.
Rutherford B. Hayes

It is the desire of the good people of the whole country that sectionalism as a factor in our politics should disappear...'
Rutherford B. Hayes

Law without education is a dead letter. With education the needed law follows without effort and, of course, with power to execute itself; indeed, it seems to execute itself.
Rutherford B. Hayes

In avoiding the appearance of evil, I am not sure but I have sometimes unnecessarily deprived myself and others of innocent enjoyments.
Rutherford B. Hayes

Let every man, every corporation, and especially let every village, town, and city, every county and State, get out of debt and keep out of debt. It is the debtor that is ruined by hard times.
Rutherford B. Hayes

I am less disposed to think of a West Point education as requisite for this business than I was at first. Good sense and energy are the qualities required.
Rutherford B. Hayes

I am not liked as a President by the politicians in office, in the press, or in Congress. But I am content to abide the judgment the sober second thought of the people.
Rutherford B. Hayes

He serves his party best who serves his country best.
Rutherford B. Hayes

I am a radical in thought (and principle) and a conservative in method (and conduct).
Rutherford B. Hayes

Do not let your bachelor ways crystallize so that you can't soften them when you come to have a wife and a family of your own.
Rutherford B. Hayes

Conscience is the authentic voice of God to you.
Rutherford B. Hayes

Must swear off from swearing. Bad habit.
Rutherford B. Hayes

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,
You might live inMinnesota.

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year becauseInternationalFallsis the coldest spot in the nation,
You might live inMinnesota.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy",
You might live in Minnesota.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,
You might live in Minnesota.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,
You might live in Minnesota.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead,
You might live in Minnesota.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You might live in Minnesota.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,
You might live in Minnesota

If you know how to say...Wayzata... Mahtomedi.... Cloquet Edina... and Shakopee,
You might live in Minnesota.

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy,
You might live in Minnesota.

If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend,
You might live in Minnesota.

You measure distance in hours,
You might live in Minnesota

You know several people, who have hit deer more than once,
You might live in Minnesota.

You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again,
You might live in Minnesota.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching,
You might live in Minnesota.

You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events,
You might live in Minnesota

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked,
You might live in Minnesota.

You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison,
You might live in Minnesota

You carry jumper cables in your car,and your girlfriend knows how to use them,
You might live in Minnesota.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time,
You might live in Minnesota.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
You might live in Minnesota.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,
You might live in Minnesota

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction,
You might live in Minnesota.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent,
You might live in Minnesota.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce,
You might live in Minnesota.

If "Down South" to you means Iowa,
You might live in Minnesota

You know "a brat" is something you eat,
You might live in Minnesota.

You find -10 degrees "a little chilly",
You might live in Minnesota.

A Minnesota Birthday

All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.

So when Ole's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Ole stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Ole went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father,his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into Ole's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January. You were born in July!