RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

God and Minnesota

On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today, I am going to create a land called Minnesota. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty; a land of 10,000 beautiful lakes, each full of fish, and beautiful landscapes with sprawling prairies of tall grass and beautiful blue skies, and rich, fertile farmland.

The land will be rich in natural resources and populated by people so friendly they shall be known far and wide as 'Minnesota Nice,"

Gabriel replies, "That sounds truly wonderful. But, don't you think you are being too generous to these Minnesotans?"

"Not really,' chuckles God. "Wait and see the winters I am going to give them."

65°
Arizonans turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.

60°
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Minnesota sunbathe.

50°
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Minnesota drive with the windows down..

40°
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.

35°
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before cold weather sets in.

20°
People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close the windows.

0°
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.

10° below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.

20° below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Minnesota let the dogs sleep indoors.

30° below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Minnesotans get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.

-40°
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Minnesota start saying..."Cold enough for ya?"

-50°
Hell freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open two hours late.

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends,
You DO live in Minnesota.

I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids. - Villain

Let's do what we do best Scoob, eat. - Shaggy

Now listen up, there is absolutely no such thing as a... MONSTER! - Freddy

Scooby-Doo, where are you? - Shaggy

Let's split up, gang! - Freddy

Jinkies! - Velma

This place makes me so nervious, all I can think of is food! - Shaggy

Zoinks, it's the creepy coin collector again! - Shaggy

Scooby, like wow! Too late! He's gone to that great boneyard in the sky! - Shaggy

Maybe we can dig up some answers to this mystery! - Freddy

No Shaggy, we're going to Solve this mystery! - Freddy

Well gang, I guess that wraps up the mystery. - Freddy

Would you do it for a Scoobie Snack? - Daffanie

It sure would help if we could find another clue! - Freddy

Like wow! Look at all them finger prints - Shaggy

Like there's times I'll do anything for a Scoobie Snack - Shaggy

Zoinks, It's the goonie ghost! - Shaggy

He thought he could scare you into giving up the family fortune - Freddy

Boy oh boy, it's a flying skeleton! - Scrappy Doo

Thanks guys, you got a lot of... a lot of... well, whatever it is, you got a lot of it. - Michael Jordan - Space Jam

Listen, this is a man's game. You can't play! - Michael Jordan - Space Jam

If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks... But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it. - Michael Jordan

My heroes are and were my parents. I can't see having anyone else as my heroes. - Michael Jordan

Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence wins championships. - Michael Jordan

My body could stand the crutches but my mind couldn't stand the sideline. - Michael Jordan

There is no "i" in team but there is in win. - Michael Jordan

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan

I don't do things half-heartedly. Because I know if I do, then I can expect half-hearted results. - Michael Jordan

You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them. - Michael Jordan

I've failed over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan

I don't do things half-heartedly. Because I know if I do, then I can expect half-hearted results. - Michael Jordan

I never looked at the consequences of missing a big shot... when you think about the consequences you always think of a negative result. - Michael Jordan

Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation. - Michael Jordan

I can accept failure, but I can't accept not trying. - Michael Jordan

Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships. - Michael Jordan

Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game. - Michael Jordan

DeeDee!! Get out of my laboratory!!!!! -Dexter

You are stupid! You are Stupid! And don't forget....You are STUPID!!-Dexter

Your right. Im not a beefy cake. Im just a, Just a cupcake. -Dexter

Say no more, Dexter, oh ye of little mind. I'll save the day and take all the glory! -Mandark

Just because I like to have fun doesn't mean I'm stupid Dexter! I may not understand all that scientifical, mathmatical stuff; but I know how to dance, I know how how to pet a kitty, and I know how to tie my shoes Mr.zipper-boots! You toil away, alone in your lab, looking for answers to questions nobody asked. If you really want me to leave, I will! Good-bye Dexter, I won't bother you anymore." -DeeDee

i just like it when he says "U R STUPEED!" the way he says it is funny. -Dexter

"Why don't you go talk to trees, or whatever it is you do!" -Dexter

Yes Dexter, I can read your thoughts. And I AM smarter than you. -Mandark

Dexter, I am your father. Dexter: [Gasp] That's not possible! Oh wait, no, you are right. -Dad Dexter

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Q. How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A. There's a big wheel parked outside his house.

Q. What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A. One was the first to walk on the moon and the other fucks little boys up the ass

Q. Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?
A. She wants to be the first lady.

Q. What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?
A. When Hillary is out of town.

Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A. The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

Q. How come Mike Tyson's eye's water during sex?
A. Mace

Q. What does Ellen DeGeneris cook for dinner every night?
A. She doesn't, she eats out!
Q. Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp?
A. Everyone would be afraid to lick it.

Q. What's white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?
A. George Michael's latest release.

Q. What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
A. Hugh Grant.

Q. What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?
A. A microwave stops when you open the door.


Q. What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
A. She screamed her hands off.