RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Computer: Insufficient information.


Q: Have you read the book "Go to Warp 9..."?
A: It's by: N. Gage

Q: Have you read the book "The Positronic Brain"?
A: It's by: Anne Droid


Q: Have you read the book "Damn it Jim"?
A: It's by: Ima Doctor and Nada Bricklayer.

Q: How many Borg does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: All of them!


Q: What is Captain Picards biggest pet peeve?
A: When they replace his dilithium crystals with Folgers crystals.

Q: Have you read the book "Chekov: The Navigator"?
A: It's by: I. Kiptin



Q: What did one Borg say to one another right before their ship was
destroyed in sector zero zero one?
A: Hoisted by our own Picard.

Q: Did you hear about the new uniform making machine on the Enterprise?
A: Piccard told Riker to "Make it sew, Number One."


Q: What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage?
A: A croaking device.

Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: TWO: One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and
take all of the credit.

Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: NONE: Klingons aren't afraid of the dark.

Q: What do the Klingons do with the dead bulb?
A: Execute it for failure.

Q: How many members of the USS Enterprise does it take to change a
light bulb?


A: Six: Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say
"I canna do it, Cap'n! These bulbs are stoon dead",
Spock to tell Kirk he is proceeding illogically,
McCoy to say "They're dead, Jim!" and
"Dammit Jim-I'm a doctor not an electrician!!",
Kirk to screw it in,
and two red-shirt security men to die in the process.

Q: What kind of noise is made my Vulcan popguns?
A: T'Pau (an atrocious ""classic"", ed.)

Q: Why did the Klingon cross the road?
A: To conquer the other side.

Q: Why can't Klingon kids play in sandboxes?
A: Cats keep trying to cover them up.

Q: How did T'Pring's parents react when they learned she was not
marrying Spock?
A: They were Stonned.

The new ensign reported to sickbay for her physical. When stripped, Dr.
McCoy
nodded approvingly. "You look nice and trim. "Thanks," she answered. "I
weigh
one hundred pounds stripped for gym."
McCoy shook his head. "That guy has all the luck!"



Q: How do you get a one-armed Klingon out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

McCoy: "I've borrowed Mr. Scott's bagpipes."
Kirk: "But you can't play them."
McCoy: "While I've got them, neither can he!"



Mr. Spock: " A Syzygy is three heavenly bodies lined up in a row. Give
me an example."
Sulu: "Mudd's Women!"

Mr. Spock: "What is formula for PI?"
Chekov: "Er... apple or blueberry, sir?"

Then there was the time Janice Rand complained that someone had cut a
peephole into her cabin door. Captain Kirk promised to look into it.

Q: What do the Klingons do with the Klingon who replaces the bulb?
A: Execute him for cowardice.


Q: How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE HUNDRED FIFTY_ONE: One to screw the light bulb in, and 150 to
self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.


Q: How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000

Q: Why don't the Borg go to prison?
A: Because they obey the Lore!

Q: Why did the Borg cross the road?
A: Because it assimilated the chicken!

Q: Where do the Borg eat fast food?
A: At their local Borger King!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Data: Why is a barn yard fowl crossing a thoroughfare humorous?



Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Worf: For the honor of all chickens.

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Franklin Pierce (November 23, 1804 – October 8, 1869) was the 14th President of the United States (1853–1857) and is the only President from New Hampshire. Pierce was a Democrat and a "doughface" (a Northerner with Southern sympathies) who served in the U.S. House of Representatives and the Senate. Pierce took part in the Mexican-American War and became a brigadier general in the Army. His private law practice in his home state, New Hampshire, was so successful that he was offered several important positions, which he turned down. Later, he was nominated as the party's candidate for president on the 49th ballot at the 1852 Democratic National Convention. In the presidential election, Pierce and his running mate William R. King won by a landslide in the Electoral College. They defeated the Whig Party ticket of Winfield Scott and William A. Graham by a 50 percent to 44 percent margin in the popular vote and 254 to 42 in the electoral vote.

Franklin Pierce

His amiable personality and handsome appearance caused him to make many friends, but he suffered tragedy in his personal life. As president, he made many divisive decisions which were widely criticized and earned him a reputation as one of the worst presidents in U.S. history. Pierce's popularity in the Northern states declined sharply after he came out in favor of the Kansas–Nebraska Act, replacing the Missouri Compromise (which had been declared unconstitional by the U.S. Supreme Court), and renewing the debate over expanding slavery in the American West. Pierce's credibility was further damaged when several of his diplomats issued the Ostend Manifesto. Historian David Potter concludes that the Ostend Manifesto and the Kansas-Nebraska Act were "the two great calamities of the Franklin Pierce administration.... Both brought down an avalanche of public criticism." More importantly, says Potter, they permanently discredited the Manifest Destiny and "popular sovereignty" as political doctrines.

Franklin Pierce

Abandoned by his party, Pierce was not renominated to run in the 1856 presidential election and was replaced by James Buchanan as the Democratic candidate. After losing the Democratic nomination, Pierce continued his lifelong struggle with alcoholism as his marriage to Jane Means Appleton Pierce fell apart. His reputation was destroyed during the Civil War when he declared support for the Confederacy, and personal correspondence between Pierce and the Confederate President Jefferson Davis was leaked to the press. Pierce died in 1869 from cirrhosis of the liver.

Franklin Pierce

Philip B. Kunhardt and Peter W. Kunhardt reflected the views of many historians when they wrote in The American President that Pierce was "a good man who didn't understand his own shortcomings. He was genuinely religious, he loved his wife, and he reshaped himself so that he could adapt to her ways and show her true affection. He was one of the most popular men in New Hampshire, polite and thoughtful, easy, and good at the political game, charming and fine and handsome. However, he has been criticized as timid and unable to cope with a changing America."

Franklin Pierce quotes

It must be felt that there is no national security but in the nation's humble, acknowledged dependence upon God and His overruling providence

Franklin Pierce quotes

A Republic without parties is a complete anomaly. The histories of all popular governments show absurd is the idea of their attempting to exist without parties.

Franklin Pierce quotes

It is no paradox to say that although comparatively weak the new-born nation [America] was intrinsically strong. Inconsiderable in population and apparent resources, it was upheld by a broad and intelligent comprehension of rights and an all-pervading purpose to maintain them, stronger than armaments. It came from the furnace of the Revolution, tempered to the necessities of the times. The thoughts of the men of that day were as practical as their sentiments were patriotic. They wasted no portion of their energies upon idle and delusive speculations, but with a firm and fearless step advanced beyond the governmental landmarks which had hitherto circumscribed the limits of human freedom and planted their standard, where it has stood against dangers which have threatened from abroad, and internal agitation, which has at times fearfully menaced at home. They proved themselves equal to the solution of the great problem, to understand which their minds had been illuminated by the dawning lights of the Revolution. The object sought was not a thing dreamed of; it was a thing realized. They had exhibited only the power to achieve, but, what all history affirms to be so much more unusual, the capacity to maintain. The oppressed throughout the world from that day to the present have turned their eyes hitherward, not to find those lights extinguished or to fear lest they should wane, but to be constantly cheered by their steady and increasing radiance.

Franklin Pierce quotes

The founders of the Republic dealt with things as they were presented to them, in a spirit of self-sacrificing patriotism, and, as time has proved, with a comprehensive wisdom which it will always be safe for us to consult.


The dangers of a concentration of all power in the general government of a confederacy so vast as ours are too obvious to be disregarded.

Franklin Pierce quotes

Frequently the more trifling the subject, the more animated and protracted the discussion.


If the Federal Government will confine itself to the exercise of powers clearly granted by the Constitution, it can hardly happen that its action upon any question should endanger the institutions of the States or interfere with their right to manage matters strictly domestic according to the will of their own people.

Franklin Pierce quotes

An Administration would be unworthy of confidence at home or respect abroad should it cease to be influenced by the conviction that no apparent advantage can be purchased at a price so dear as that of national wrong or dishonor.



If your past is limited, your future is boundless.

Franklin Pierce quotes


With the Union my best and dearest earthly hopes are entwined. Without it what are we individually or collectively? What becomes of the noblest field ever opened for the advancement of our race in religion, in government, in the arts, and in all that dignifies and adorns mankind? From that radiant constellation which both illumines our own way and points out to struggling nations their course, let but a single star be lost, and, if these be not utter darkness, the luster of the whole is dimmed.

BEST DUMPING LINES
(To dispose of an unwanted boyfriend or girlfriend)


95. There's been a death in the family. My hamster. Sorry.
-AcidAngel-


96. If you don't leave me alone now, I'll blow your frickin head off with my Glock 9mm, Bitch!
-Bonko the Homicidal Krazy Clown from HELL! -


97. How do you feel about (sex) relations with Irish Setters?
-Ian Rotten of the Ian Rotten Band -


98. Sorry, I just never realized how ugly you are.
-Mad Anthony Wayne -


99. Time for you to go - I gotta reduce the number of dependents that I claim on my W2.
-Cig&Brew -


100. "Don't forgive, dump me!"
-Nicki Squires -

BEST DUMPING LINES


88. I'm no longer worthy of you (Keep repeating until s/he agrees with you)
-De Ole Sarge-


89. I used to think size didn't matter, but in your case I have made an exception... so I'm leaving you for bigger and better things. My ex-boyfriend Bruno just came back into town. He finished serving his sentence and is dying to meet you.
-URHistory -


90. Could we reschedule our date for later? I have to go down to the tar pits to worship my dark lord Friday at Midnight.
-Spoogy-


91. Get the hell away from me!! I'm so fricken sick of you!!
-Ashley-


92. I want you to meet my family. My mom is an OBGYN specializing in fertility treatments, and my dad does microsurgical vasectomy reversals. They are so excited that I'm dating someone nice!
-jabernet-


93. Are you into horses and stuff? I know I am... I also like sheep. They give you that warm feeling. Hello? Are you still there?
-MadSector -


94. Yell "FIRE!!!!!!!" and run, never stopping or looking back.
- Jason"The answer guy" H-

BEST DUMPING LINES


77. Now that I'm sober...I remembered...I'm married and have a kid and live in Nebraska. I don't know why I am in St.Louis, and can I have the key to these handcuffs? Please, I need to go home.
-Jason"The answer guy" H-


78. THE DOCTOR SAYS I'M DYING OF CANCER SO I THINK YOU BETTER FIND SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE I'M ONLY EXPECTED TO LIVE FOR 6 MONTHS.
-KELLY -


79. Two simple words. "I am gay"
-Petrie Hosermouth -


80. Drop them off at the grocery store and never go pick 'em up.
-S'mores -


81. Hey, did you know that you could leave any time now?? Yeah, I think I made it clear when I started making out with someone else over there!
-I.M. Retard -


82. Hum, sing, whistle 50 ways to lose your lover constantly.
-Priscilla -


83. "I'm sleeping with my brother."
-Jim Bob Bill -


84. Thank you for taking the time to participate in this survey.
-Riffraff -


85. Excuse me, but I'm moving to Antarctica tomorrow to start work on important governmental research. See ya!
-Chinchilla -


86. Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you.
-Malissa -


87. Can I borrow that cute little blue teddy and heels?
-some guy -

65. Your mom told me you were gay.
-Freddy-


66. I'd like to help you out. Now which way did you come in?
-Some one like Meg -


67. I can't figure out what sex you are, even after having sex with you.
-Jimmy Rae -


68. I have finished my unfinished business with you.
-anonymous -


69. I love you so much! Let's get married! I want to have lots of children and get a big house and a mortgage and a minivan and....
-Charlene -


70. How about "You're an immature, selfish jerk who couldn't do a goddamn thing for me even if you cared, which you obviously don't, so stop bugging me with your stupid so-called problems and leave me the fCENSOREDk alone." That usually works for me.
-Lee Ving-


71. Here's the phone number of my doctor, I think you and he should talk....
-<<Ogre>>-


72. You smell funny and no, I don't like the way you kiss, I do think it's weird that you like to sing showtunes while having sex... oh wait, that was Mark, wasn't it?
-anonymous -


73. Send a dozen dead roses with a note: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!"
-Beelzabub -


74. F*uck off, asshole (assholette?) I find direct honesty is always the best policy.
-Like I'd say! -


75. GADZOOKS! You're just not as NEARLY as attractive as you are after 10 beers, two shots of vodka, half a bottle of wine, and a Captain Morgan and Coke with a twist of lime!
-Alkyholic -


76. "Well, um..."(utilizing big googly eyes of course)" ...my individual mind patterns are breaking down from the appearance of you ... meep..." at this critical point, scream, "Your fault, your fault" until you finally drive them away at a sprint.
-tripped over my tongue LMac -

dumping lines

53. Well, whatever you do, don't propose a "menage a twoi" like Seinfeld did.
-Suomynona-


54. The judge changed my kid's visitation schedule.
-De Ole Sarge-


55. I can't meet your needs for the foreseeable future because I find working on my site and hanging out with my net pals far more absorbing than conversing with you or even looking at your face, actually.
-Damn, I've been looking for an excuse this good for years! Thank God for the Cold War!!-


56. Hi, I am Elvis Shortliver!
-Elvis Shortliver-


57. You look too much like my sister/brother, I can't see you anymore.
-Keggers-


58. I don't want you as a boyfriend, no we can't still be friends..and, oh, by the way you're ugly too.
-Mako-


59. Sorry, you don't make the flag on my mailbox go up anymore. (for females)
-Suzie Q -


60. I'm considering suicide because after being with you, hell should be a breeze.
-Jason -


61. Goodbye. I don't want to see you again. Goodbye, I don't even wanna be your friend. So get out now before I call security.
@@@Thw Wonderful Tatum@@@


62. For women: I've been thinking about us getting married. For men: Does your friend like three-somes?
-Captain Pyro -


63. Mom says I'm too good for you.
-Unanimous Visitor -


64. You looked better when I was drinking.
-anonymous -

dumping lines

41. I have to break it off. I've been seeing someone else and they told me I had to choose. Besides, your mother doesn't snore as loud.
-Jason -


42. My ex had a much bigger.. (this is where you get smacked)
-WhiteFireDragon -


43. Buh-bye. What part don't you understand -- the "buh" or the "bye"? Buh-bye.
-Da RanMan -


44. "Help, I'm an idiot. I can't see you anymore!!!" (And run away)
-Dennis the RPG master-


45. Don't say anything to her. Call 911.
-Hoff -


46. The rabbit died and he was not yours.
-Sapphire -


47. Look at my horoscope! "...a new love in your life..." Well, gotta follow my guiding star...
-Kogito -


48. Bob, I'd like you to meet Roy.... he's your new replacement.
-Wicked Wench of the West -


49. I find that if you tell 'em straight-up to go away, they just want you more (Go figure?). Perhaps moaning someone else's name right before....ya' know....might do it.
-dome -


50. We've been going out for a while, and I think we're ready to go to the next level... have you heard the good news about Amway?
-First M. Last -


51. Sing "Kyle's Mom is a Sutpid Bitch in D Minor", but substitute their name for Kyle's mom.
-just some guy -


52. Forget bothering with actually dumping him/her, just sign up to the witness protection program and never speak to them again.
-RAVEN-

dumping lines


29. You know, if God actually stopped and thought about it, I'm pretty sure he could think of something better to do with skin rather than hold your sorry ass together.
-Hearth Cat -


30. Send them your obituary.
-Anna -


31. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, sob, sob, I know what you did you bastard!!!! WAAAAAAAAAH! I hate you! Then you run away, but it works best if he didn't do anything.
-GeniusGirl -


32. You're a really great guy..You don't know how much I love you..You mean everything to me... NOW LEAVE!!! AND NEVER COME BACK!!!
-MADLaLa -


33. I really like you. . . So does my wife.
-Jason -


34. I want a baby.
-De Ole Sarge-


35. Know what? You smell funny. Bill's cuter too...
-Klumsy Kelly-


36. Let's just be friends. (scary isn't it?)
-Bird of Prey-


37. Good-bye, and NO, we cannot still be friends!
-Stephen Britton -


38. Just 'cause I am the President of the United States doesn't mean we still can't be friends.
-REDDWARF-


39. I'd like to meet your ex.
-De Ole Sarge-


40. None, just spell out "you're dumped" on their car with dead hamsters soaked in gasoline and set alight whilst buggering a duck in front of them....
-celestial-

dumping lines

19. Piss off wanker.
(NOTE: We here at Ow! were not really sure if this was a submission for the 100 dumping lines or if was actually directed at us)
-seewhy -


20. Remember when I asked you out?? Well.... I was talking to the guy behind you!
-Nicole -


21. I was only hanging around with you because I wanted to get in your mom's pants
-SLY -


22. Don't you just love when leeches get into your pants?
-Mac Aronie -


23. "I break with thee... I break with thee.. I break with thee.. and then throw dog-poop on her/his shoes" (Steve Martin)
-anonymous-


24. It's me not you.
-Na' Chew-


25. It's you, not me...I mean it's me, not you.
-anonymous-


26. It's not you...it's me...well ok..it is you.
-Aurora-


27. I'm sorry I never told you but I'm gay. I've been fighting it, and if anyone could have converted me it would have been you. However, I succumb. Ciao!
-Dick Wicks -


28. I can forgive everything else about you, even the fact that you are 9 years older than me, have a 10 year old daughter, are getting a divorce, can't have any more kids, don't have a job, or a car, and the fact that you don't have a high school diploma. All that is fine. (then just stop calling)
-i knew he was a loser -

dumping lines


1. I need more time and more space. That's why I'm moving 12 hours and 7 states away. Yeah sure I'll call you ...the minute I get there.
-Later4U -


2. Break up? (get out magic 8 ball) All signs point to YES.
-Jimmy Corrona -


3. Answering machine: "Hi, I'm not home right now, If you're Jerry, hang up, if you are any other available male, press two now."
-C.J. -


4. Dear Baby: Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU
-Homer Simpson -


5. All my friends at the gay bar said I should go through with the sex change, what do you think?
-Johnny B. Bad -


6. The mothership has returned and I must leave. Pay no attention to my android double when you see it.
-De Ole Sarge-


7. You've become so incredibly unattractive during these last few minutes, that I don't want to invest any more time trying to have sex with you.
-cmdolando -


8. Sorry, but my leprosy is acting up again. Are you going to eat those fries?
-simian-


9. Do you think the ceiling needs painting? (Timing is everything with this one.)
-De Ole Sarge-


10. Oh, hi Julie...erm...Amanda? Judy? Oh, I remember now, its Cindy, right? Tanya? Does it start with a 'T'?
-Disco -


11. You remind me of my dead ex-husband... Let's get married.
-Black Widow -


12. I'm awfully sorry, but I have asexual tendencies...
-If I told you, I'd have to kill you -


13. Would you like to meet my last girlfriend? Really, its no problem, she's still chained up in my basement.
-Hey you -


14. "I'm dying...and I can't ask you to watch me slowly fade away....Please, go now and remember me as I am"
-Pegasus -


15. (Note: this one comes to you courtesy of Homer Simpson.) Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.
-Melkor -


16. No, seriously, I thought you were a man the whole time we were dating.
-Mad Anthony Wayne -


17. I got us tickets to Yanni!
-Delilah Smud Puddle -


18. "If I have to sell my body to get the money to divorce you, I will!"
-always the EX never the wife -

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WISP (WILL O' THE WISP): The Will o' the wisp can be found in numerous folk tales around the British Isles, and is often a malicious character in the stories.


WRAITH: The exact likeness of a living person seen usually just before death as an apparition.

SPOOK: A spirit returning to haunt a place. Their main goal is to get you good and scared.


UNDEAD: They are restless spirits, souls caught in the void between life and death.

SPECTER (SPECTRE): A specter is a (usually terrifying) phantom, apparition, or ghost, or an unreal appearance. It is common in some folklore and mythology.


SPIRIT: The spirit was part of a person while he was alive. Therefore, “The Lord be with you”—“and with thy spirit”.