1. I need more time and more space. That's why I'm moving 12 hours and 7 states away. Yeah sure I'll call you ...the minute I get there. -Later4U -
2. Break up? (get out magic 8 ball) All signs point to YES. -Jimmy Corrona -
3. Answering machine: "Hi, I'm not home right now, If you're Jerry, hang up, if you are any other available male, press two now." -C.J. -
4. Dear Baby: Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU -Homer Simpson -
5. All my friends at the gay bar said I should go through with the sex change, what do you think? -Johnny B. Bad -
6. The mothership has returned and I must leave. Pay no attention to my android double when you see it. -De Ole Sarge-
7. You've become so incredibly unattractive during these last few minutes, that I don't want to invest any more time trying to have sex with you. -cmdolando -
8. Sorry, but my leprosy is acting up again. Are you going to eat those fries? -simian-
9. Do you think the ceiling needs painting? (Timing is everything with this one.) -De Ole Sarge-
10. Oh, hi Julie...erm...Amanda? Judy? Oh, I remember now, its Cindy, right? Tanya? Does it start with a 'T'? -Disco -
11. You remind me of my dead ex-husband... Let's get married. -Black Widow -
12. I'm awfully sorry, but I have asexual tendencies... -If I told you, I'd have to kill you -
13. Would you like to meet my last girlfriend? Really, its no problem, she's still chained up in my basement. -Hey you -
14. "I'm dying...and I can't ask you to watch me slowly fade away....Please, go now and remember me as I am" -Pegasus -
15. (Note: this one comes to you courtesy of Homer Simpson.) Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn. -Melkor -
16. No, seriously, I thought you were a man the whole time we were dating. -Mad Anthony Wayne -
17. I got us tickets to Yanni! -Delilah Smud Puddle -
18. "If I have to sell my body to get the money to divorce you, I will!" -always the EX never the wife -
