RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

Four Corners There is a big room with four corners. In the first corner, you find Superman. In the second corner you find Batman. In the third corner you find The Flash. And in the fourth corner you find an extremely intelligent, 100% natural blonde woman with an amazing ultra-thin magazine-model figure. In the center of the room there is a pot of gold. Q:Who gets to the pot of gold first? A: None, because none of these characters exist.

Superman writes on the wall: Batman is a wuss.

The next day, Batman writes on the wall: Superman is Clark Kent.

Three drunks are standing on top of the Empire State Building.
The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!"

The second drunk says, "You're crazy!"

The first drunk says, "I'm serious! Watch!" The first drunk jumps off of the building, and the wind carries him right back up to the top!

The second drunk says, "Let me try!"
So the second drunk leaps off of the building and promptly falls to the street below, landing with a hideous SPLAT!

The first drunk smiles, clearly amused. The third drunk looks at him and says, "You know, Superman, you can be a real Jerk When you're drunk!"

Superman is a fucking dick!

Ten Commandments


Thou shalt have no other gods before me

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy god in vain

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy

Honor thy Father and thy Mother

Thou shalt not kill

Thou shalt not commit adultery

Thou shalt not steal

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors house

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife

The Ten Commandments of Love

I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt squeeze no others before me.

II. Thou shalt not take the name of they Squeeze in vain, nor
badmouth me behind my back.

III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy. Or else.

IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are too damn weird.

V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily and making me
embarrassed to be seen with thee.

VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about
it if thou knowest what's good for thee.

VII. Thou shalt not steal from my purse/wallet while I am in thy
bathroom, nor use my credit cards, nor make long-distance calls
from my telephone.

VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.

IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor's
house.

X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Squeeze, nor son or
daughter, nor stereo, nor BMW.

The Ten Commandments (In Ebonics)

1. I be God. Don' be dissing me.

2. Don' be makin hood ornaments outa me or nothin in my crib.

3. Don' be callin me for no reason - homey don' play that.

4. Y'all betta be in church on Sundee.

5. Don' dis ya mama ... an if ya know who ya daddy is, don'
dis him neither.

6. Don' ice ya bros.

7. Stick to ya own woman.

8. Don' be liftin no goods.

9. Don' be frontin like you all that an no snitchin on ya homies.

10. Don' be eyein' ya homie's crib, ride, or nothin.

Top Ten Worst Commandments

10. Love thy neighbor, but relentlessly persecute that fucking
heathen down the block

9. Thou shalt not kill, except in the name of God.

8. Thou shalt not have sex.

7. Thou shalt not think of sex.

6. Thou shalt not even *LIKE* sex

5. (But) If you don't have sex, thou damnst well better not jerk off.

4. Do not what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law

3. Thou shalt not use mind expanding agents, for thou couldst see
the truth

2. 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 1 and don't even question it!

1. Thou shalt not BLASPHEME the Lord!

1. I am the Lord thy God and thou shalt have not too many other Gods
besides me.

2. Thou shalt make no graven images. This is a major religion, not a
shop class.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of Adonai thy God in vain without the
express written consent of Adonai thy God. The name "Adonai thy God"
is the sole property of Adonai thy God. Any use of the name of Adonai
thy God without the express written consent of Adonai thy God is
unauthorized and illegal and shall be punished by Adonai thy God.

4. Remember the Sabbath, thy squash game and thy other appointments.

5. Honor thy single parent.

6. Thou shalt not kill a man just to watch him die.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery and then run for office.

8. Thou shalt not steal. (Note: Not really applicable to car radios.)

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor when appearing
before Judge Judy.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, his servants, his flocks,
or his power tools.

I am the LORD thy God and I give you these Ten Commandments:

1 I am He that brought you out of Egypt (like in the movie), You shall
not returneth to Egypt, nor shall you think that the Pyramids are "cool,"
"nifty," or "symbolic." That would be putting other gods before Me, and
claiming that they are better architects, which is a sore spot and,
hence, right out.

2 You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vein. Drugs are
fine, but mainlining ANYTHING is a bad scene.

3 You shall keep the Sabbath day holy, as well as Columbus Day, Victoria
Day for the Canadians and My Kid's birthday. Make sure to look for the
bargains for this last one, though, but don't let it stop you from
spending. Remember: The more thou spendest, the holier thou art.

4 Honor they father and thy mother, even if thy father molests thee. For
abortions shall not be legal, so thou art stuck with thy affliction...
naneenaneebooboo.

5 You shall not murder, except in the name of Me, My Kid or the Pope
or any diocese, or to convert heathens, or to defend democracy or to
hunt commies or sissies.

6 You shall not commit adultery. This applies only to married women.
Sex is a bad thing as it promotes fun, which is right out, and must
be stopped. I put all those nerves in thy sexual regions to fulfill
My quota (damn union labor laws), but that doesn't mean you can use
them just for the sake of pleasure, which is unholy and against Me.
Why this is, I don't know, but I don't need to, being God.

7 Thou shalt not steal, unless thou art the Pope, any diocese or
government leader, or really wealthy, or if thou canst somehow work
it in to the state or national charter.

8 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor, unless thy
neighbor is a commie or heathen, which I despiseth, or unless thou art
a Good Christian(tm), in which case thou canst do anything, so long as
thou sayest that it is in My name (which thou wilt anyway).

9 Go ahead and covet.

10 Thou shalt not think. Thought is bad and may lead to Questioning,
which is a mortal sin. Go to sleep. Feel comfortable in thy confusion
and kill anyone who questions thou.

Ten Commandments for Kids


1. Thou shalt not bite anything that is not yours.

2. Thou shalt not make noise of any kind.

3. Thou shalt not irritate the pets.

4. Stay out of the cupboards.

5. Do not speak to strangers.

6. Do not invite strangers into the house.

7. Do not put foreign objects in your nose, mouth, ears, etc.

8. Thou shalt not push any buttons on any electronic equipment.

9. Thou shalt not use your mother’s makeup or cut your own hair.

10. Leave your clothes on.

The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at Cross TrailsChurch in Gainesboro, TN )

(1) Just one God

(2) Put nothin' before God

(3) Watch yer mouth

(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'

(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa

(6) No killin'

(7) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal

(8) Don't take what ain't yers

(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'

(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

The Redneck Ten Commandments


1. There is a God, you ain’t Him; don’t forget it.

2. Don’t let nothing come between you and God; not your Bass Boat, not your Pick-Up Truck, not your golf clubs: not even your wife & kids.

3. Don’t say nothing bad about God; don’t use His name in a bad way.

4 Sunday is the Lord’s Day, not your day. Saturday is your day.

5 Always be good to yo’ mama, and yo’ daddy.

6. Don’t kill nobody, even if they need killing. Leave that up to God.

7. Keep yo’ pants zipped up when they ought to be zipped up.

8. Don’t take nothing that ain’t yours.

9. Don’t lie, and don’t be talking bad about people. Remember what your Grandmama use to say, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

10. Don’t be eyeballing anything that belongs to your neighbor, or anybody else.

Harold and Jane was not a very religious couple but tried their best; they only went to church once a year. As they were leaving the church, the minister said, “Harold, it sure would be nice to see you and Jane here more than once a year” “I know,” replied Harold, “We're very busy people, leading active lives but at least we keep the Ten Commandments” “That's great,” the minister said. “I'm glad to hear that you keep the Commandments.” “Yes, we sure do” Harold said proudly, “Jane keeps six of them and I keep the other four”.

A God came down and first he went to the Germans and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your life better."

And the Germans asked, "what are Commandments?"

And the Lord said, "Rules for living."

"Can you give us an example?"

"Thou shalt not kill."

"Not kill? We're not interested."

So He went to the Italians and said, "I have Commandments."

And the Italians wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."

"Not steal? We're not interested."

He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."

The French wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife."

"Not covet my neighbor's wife? We're not interested."

He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."

"Commandments? How much are they?"

"They're free."

"Good then, we'll take 10!"

"Top 10 Commandments jokes - updated"
Ten Commandments


10) Don't bang your neighbor's wife -- even if she happens to be one of Playboy's Cyber Girls Next Door.

9) Don't snitch, rat, or lie about your neighbor. After all, he knows where you live.

8) Don't steal, even if you think Robin Hood was a good lad, or if you think Julian Assange was right.

7) Don't go for unlawful carnal knowledge with anyone other than the one you're hitched to, not even cyber sex is allowed.

6) Don't murder - it's totally uncool.

5) Love and respect your folks, your relatives, your real life friends, and even your online friends.

4) Remember that every day is full of holiness, especially on whatever day it is that you don't have to get your butt out of bed, and on that day, chill.

3) Do not curse in the name of The Dude, people.

2) Do not make any fancy graphics or Photoshop any pics of me or the Heavens above.

1) I am The Dude your friend. Like me - and no one else - in facebook.

Teen Commandments


1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)

2. Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)

4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5. Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)

6. Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7. Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)

8. Thou shall not wear revealing clothes in class.
(Hooters pays more)

9. Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")

10. Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave 'em in the middle)

God Texts the Ten Commandments

1. no1 b4 me. srsly.

2. dnt wrshp pix/idols

3. no omg’s

4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)

5. pos ok – ur m&d r cool

6. dnt kill ppl

7. :-X only w/ m8

8. dnt steal

9. dnt lie re: bf

10. dnt ogle ur bf’s m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob.

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a
courthouse is this -- you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' 'Thou Shalt Not
Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers,
judges and politicians ... it creates a hostile work environment. .

Angelman syndrome is a neuro-genetic disorder characterized by intellectual and developmental delay, sleep disturbance, seizures, jerky movements (especially hand-flapping), frequent laughter or smiling, and usually a happy demeanor.

Canavan disease is an autosomal recessive degenerative disorder that causes progressive damage to nerve cells in the brain. Canavan disease is also one of the most common degenerative cerebreal diseases of infancy. This disease is one of a group of genetic disorders called leukodystrophies.

Coeliac disease is an autoimmune disorder of the small intestine that occurs in genetically predisposed people of all ages from middle infancy onward. Symptoms include chronic diarrhoea, failure to thrive (in children), and fatigue, but these may be absent, and symptoms in other organ systems have been described.

Charcot–Marie–Tooth disease- (CMT), known also as Morbus Charcot-Marie-Tooth, is an inherited demyelinating disease of the peripheral nervous system.
CMT is predominantly characterized by loss of muscle tissue and touch sensation, in the feet, ankles and legs as it progresses over time. As well as in the hands, wrists and arms in various types of the disease. Early and late onset forms occur with 'on and off' painful spasmodic muscular contractions that can be disabling when the disease activates.

Color blindness or color vision deficiency is the inability or decreased ability to see color, or perceive color differences, under normal lighting conditions. Color blindness affects many people in a population. "Color blind" is a term of art; there is no actual blindness but there is a fault in the development of one or more sets of retinal cones that perceive color in light and transmit that information to the optic nerve. Color blindness is a sex-linked condition. The genes that produce photopigments are carried on the X chromosome; if some of these genes are missing or damaged, color blindness will be expressed in males with a higher probability than in females because males only have one X chromosome (in females, a good gene on only one of the two X chromosomes is enough to yield the needed photopigments

Cri du chat syndrome is a rare genetic disorder due to a missing part of chromosome 5. Its name is a French term (cat-cry or call of the cat) referring to the characteristic cat-like cry of affected children. It was first described by Jérôme Lejeune in 1963. The condition affects an estimated 1 in 50,000 live births, strikes all ethnicities, and is more common in females by a 4:3 ratio

Cystic fibrosis is an autosomal recessive genetic disorder affecting most critically the lungs, and also the pancreas, liver, and intestine. It is characterized by abnormal transport of chloride and sodium across an epithelium, leading to thick, viscous secretions.The name cystic fibrosis refers to the characteristic scarring (fibrosis) and cyst formation within the pancreas, first recognized in the 1930s. Difficulty breathing is the most serious symptom and results from frequent lung infections that are treated with antibiotics and other medications. Other symptoms, including sinus infections, poor growth, and infertility affect other parts of the body.

Down syndrome or Down's syndrome, also known as trisomy 21, is a chromosomal condition caused by the presence of all or part of an extra 21st chromosome. It is named after John Langdon Down, the British physician who described the syndrome in 1866. The condition was clinically described earlier in the 19th century by Jean Etienne Dominique Esquirol in 1838 and Edouard Seguin in 1844.Down syndrome was identified as a chromosome 21 trisomy by Dr. Jérôme Lejeune in 1959. Down syndrome can be identified in a baby at birth, or by prenatal screening.
The incidence of Down syndrome is estimated at 4.6 per 10,000 births[ Down syndrome occurs in all human populations, and analogous conditions have been found in other species such as chimpanzees

Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD) is a recessive X-linked form of muscular dystrophy, which results in muscle degeneration, difficulty walking, breathing, and death. The incidence is around 1 in 3,600 boys. Females and males are affected, though females are rarely affected and are more often carriers. The disorder is caused by a mutation in the dystrophin gene, located in humans on the X chromosome (Xp21). The dystrophin gene codes for the protein dystrophin, an important structural component within muscle tissue. Dystrophin provides structural stability to the dystroglycan complex (DGC), located on the cell membrane.

Haemochromatosis or haemosiderosis
Historically, the term haemochromatosis (spelled hemochromatosis in American English) was initially used to refer to what is now more specifically called haemochromatosis type 1 (or HFE-related hereditary haemochromatosis). Currently, haemochromatosis (without further specification) is mostly defined as iron overload with a hereditary/primary cause or originating from a metabolic disorder. However, the term is currently also used more broadly to refer to any form of iron overload, thus requiring specification of the cause, for example, hereditary haemochromatosis. Hereditary haemochromatosis is an autosomal recessive disease with estimated prevalence in the population of 1 in 500 among patients with European ancestry, with lower incidence in other ethnic groups. The gene responsible for hereditary haemochromatosis (known as HFE gene) is located on chromosome 6; the majority of hereditary haemochromatosis patients have mutations in this HFE gene. Hereditary haemochromatosis is characterized by an accelerated rate of intestinal iron absorption and progressive iron deposition in various tissues that typically begins to be expressed in the third to fifth decades of life, but may occur in children.

Haemophilia ( /hiːməˈfɪliə/; also spelled hemophilia in North America, from the Greek haima αἷμα 'blood' and philia φιλος 'love' is a group of hereditary genetic disorders that impair the body's ability to control blood clotting or coagulation, which is used to stop bleeding when a blood vessel is broken. Haemophilia A (clotting factor VIII deficiency) is the most common form of the disorder, present in about 1 in 5,000–10,000 male births. Haemophilia B (factor IX deficiency) occurs in around 1 in about 20,000–34,000 male births.

Klinefelter's syndrome, 47, XXY, or XXY syndrome is a condition in which human males have an extra X chromosome. While females have an XX chromosomal makeup, and males an XY, affected individuals have at least two X chromosomes and at least one Y chromosome.Because of the extra chromosome, individuals with the condition are usually referred to as "XXY Males", or "47, XXY Males".
This chromosome constitution (karyotype) exists in roughly between 1:500 to 1:1000 live male births[3][4] but many of these people may not show symptoms. The physical traits of the syndrome become more apparent after the onset of puberty, if at all.

Neurofibromatosis (commonly abbreviated NF; neurofibromatosis type 1 is also known as von Recklinghausen disease) is a genetically-inherited disorder in which the nerve tissue grows tumors (neurofibromas) that may be benign or may cause serious damage by compressing nerves and other tissues. The disorder affects all neural crest cells (Schwann cells, melanocytes and endoneurial fibroblasts). Cellular elements from these cell types proliferate excessively throughout the body, forming tumors; melanocytes also function abnormally in this disease, resulting in disordered skin pigmentation and café au lait spots. The tumors may cause bumps under the skin, colored spots, skeletal problems, pressure on spinal nerve roots, and other neurological problems.

Phenylketonuria (PKU) is an autosomal recessive metabolic genetic disorder characterized by a mutation in the gene for the hepatic enzyme phenylalanine hydroxylase (PAH), rendering it nonfunctional. This enzyme is necessary to metabolize the amino acid phenylalanine (Phe) to the amino acid tyrosine. When PAH activity is reduced, phenylalanine accumulates and is converted into phenylpyruvate (also known as phenylketone), which is detected in the urine

Polycystic kidney disease is a cystic genetic disorder of the kidneys.There are two types of PKD: autosomal dominant polycystic kidney disease (ADPKD) and the less-common autosomal recessive polycystic kidney disease (ARPKD).It occurs in humans and some other animals. PKD is characterized by the presence of multiple cysts (hence, "polycystic") typically in both kidneys; however 17% of cases initially present with observable disease in one kidney, with most cases progressing to bilateral disease in adulthood. The cysts are numerous and are fluid-filled, resulting in massive enlargement of the kidneys. The disease can also damage the liver, pancreas and, in some rare cases, the heart and brain. The two major forms of polycystic kidney disease are distinguished by their patterns of inheritance.

Prader–Willi syndrome is a rare genetic disorder in which seven genes (or some subset thereof) on chromosome 15 (q 11–13) are deleted or unexpressed (chromosome 15q partial deletion) on the paternal chromosome. It was first described in 1956 by Andrea Prader (1919–2001), Heinrich Willi (1900–1971), Alexis Labhart (1916), Andrew Ziegler, and Guido Fanconi of Switzerland.[2] Characteristic of PWS is "low muscle tone, short stature, incomplete sexual development, cognitive disabilities, problem behaviors, and a chronic feeling of hunger that can lead to excessive eating and life-threatening obesity.

Sickle-cell disease is an autosomal recessive genetic blood disorder with overdominance, characterized by red blood cells that assume an abnormal, rigid, sickle shape. Sickling decreases the cells' flexibility and results in a risk of various complications. The sickling occurs because of a mutation in the hemoglobin gene. Life expectancy is shortened. In 1994, in the US, the average life expectancy of persons with this condition was estimated to be 42 years in males and 48 years in females, but today, thanks to better management of the disease, patients can live into their 50s or beyond. In the UK, the current life expectancy is estimated to be 53–60 years of age.

Tay–Sachs disease is an autosomal recessive genetic disorder. In its most common variant (known as infantile Tay–Sachs disease), it causes a progressive deterioration of mental and physical abilities that commences around six months of age and usually results in death by the age of four. Tay–Sachs disease is caused by a genetic defect, normally inherited from both parents. The disease occurs when harmful quantities of cell membrane components known as gangliosides accumulate in the brain's nerve cells, eventually leading to the affected cells' premature death. Currently, there is no known cure or treatment.

Turner syndrome or Ullrich-Turner syndrome (also known as "Gonadal dysgenesis"[1]:550), 45 XO, encompasses several conditions in human females, of which monosomy X (absence of an entire sex chromosome, the Barr body) is most common. It is a chromosomal abnormality in which all or part of one of the sex chromosomes is absent (unaffected humans have 46 chromosomes, of which two are sex chromosomes). Normal females have two X chromosomes, but in Turner syndrome, one of those sex chromosomes is missing or has other abnormalities. In some cases, the chromosome is missing in some cells but not others, a condition referred to as mosaicism or "Turner mosaicism".

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

Doctor: "I've got very bad news - you've got cancer and Alzheimer's"
Patient: "Well, at least I don't have cancer"