RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."

All the big powers they've silenced me. So much for free speech and choice on this fundamental human right.
Jack Kevorkian

And, I hope now that everybody understands that the Labour Party - as it always has done - stands for free speech and individual Members of the Labour Party are entitled to exercise that free speech.
Ron Davies

In our period, they say there is free speech. They say there is no penalty for poets, There is no penalty for writing poems. They say this. This is the penalty.
Muriel Rukeyser

It is a paradox that every dictator has climbed to power on the ladder of free speech. Immediately on attaining power each dictator has suppressed all free speech except his own.

If Thomas Jefferson had heard us, he probably would have said, 'We shouldn't have free speech.'
Robin Quivers

Ignorant free speech often works against the speaker. That is one of several reasons why it must be given rein instead of suppressed.
Anna Quindlen

I don't think we should be deprived of the privilege of free speech.
Loretta Swit


I think, with never-ending gratitude, that the young women of today do not and can never know at what price their right to free speech and to speak at all in public has been earned.
Lucy Stone

Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a crowded fire.
Abbie Hoffman


I am a technological activist. I have a political agenda. I am in favor of basic human rights: to free speech, to use any information and technology, to purchase and use recreational drugs, to enjoy and purchase so-called 'vices', to be free of intruders, and to privacy.
Bram Cohen

Free speech is not to be regulated like diseased cattle and impure butter. The audience that hissed yesterday may applaud today, even for the same performance.
William O. Douglas

Free speech is the whole thing, the whole ball game. Free speech is life itself.
Salman Rushdie

Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.
Warren E. Burger


Free speech is meant to protect unpopular speech. Popular speech, by definition, needs no protection.
Neal Boortz

Everybody favours free speech in the slack moments when no axes are being ground.
Heywood Broun


Fear of serious injury alone cannot justify oppression of free speech and assembly. Men feared witches and burnt women. It is the function of speech to free men from the bondage of irrational fears.
Louis D. Brandeis

Better a thousandfold abuse of free speech than denial of free speech.
Charles Bradlaugh


Both free speech rights and property rights belong legally to individuals, but their real function is social, to benefit vast numbers of people who do not themselves exercise these rights.
Thomas Sowell

By placing discretion in the hands of an official to grant or deny a license, such a statute creates a threat of censorship that by its very existence chills free speech.
Harry A. Blackmun


Criticism of government finds sanctuary in several portions of the 1st Amendment. It is part of the right of free speech. It embraces freedom of the press.
Hugo Black

"This is, in theory, still a free country, but our politically correct, censorious times are such that many of us tremble to give vent to perfectly acceptable views for fear of condemnation. Freedom of speech is thereby imperiled, big questions go undebated, and great lies become accepted, unequivocally as great truths." -- Simon Heffer Source: Daily Mail, 7 June 2000



"This is, in theory, still a free country, but our politically correct, censorious times are such that many of us tremble to give vent to perfectly acceptable views for fear of condemnation. Freedom of speech is thereby imperiled, big questions go undebated, and great lies become accepted, unequivocally as great truths." -- Simon Heffer Source: Daily Mail, 7 June 2000

One of the shrewdest ways for human predators to conquer their stronger victims is to steadily convince them with propaganda that they're still free. N.A. Scott American author, intellectual, anti-totalitarian figure.


The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything. Except what is worth knowing. Journalism, conscious of this, and having tradesman-like habits, supplies their demands. Oscar Wilde 1854-1900 Irish novelist, playwright, poet, short story writer

"Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people and sending them off to distant lands to die of foreign fevers and foreign shot and shell." Hugo Black


"The free press is the mother of all our liberties and of our progress under liberty" - Adlai E. Stevenson

"There is no more important struggle for American democracy than ensuring a diverse, independent and free media. Free Press is at the heart of that struggle." Bill Moyers


"The theory of the free press is not that the truth will be presented completely or perfectly in any one instance, but that the truth will emerge from free discussion"
Walter Lippman (American Editor and Writer, 1889-1974)

"The only security of all is in a free press. The force of public opinion cannot be resisted when permitted freely to be expressed. The agitation it produces must be submitted to. It is necessary, to keep the waters pure." --Thomas Jefferson to Lafayette, 1823. ME 15:491


"The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them." --Thomas Jefferson to Edward Carrington, 1787. ME 6:57
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"Freedom of the press, or, to be more precise, the benefit of freedom of the press, belongs to everyone - to the citizen as well as the publisher... The crux is not the publisher's 'freedom to print'; it is, rather, the citizen's 'right to know. " : Arthur Sulzburger - 1990 - American newspaper publisher


"A free press is not a privilege but an organic necessity in a great society" Walter Lippmann : American journalist (1889-1974)

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"A cynical, mercenary, demagogic press will produce in time a people as base as itself." - Joseph Pulitzer


"Our liberty cannot be guarded but by the freedom of the press, nor that be limited without danger of losing it." --Thomas Jefferson to John Jay, 1786.


"There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press": Mark Twain

That's enough of the boring stufff.

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?

It was early spring in British Columbia

A Frenchman hired three Indians to do some tracking for him while he hunted bear.

A few hours into the trip through the mountains they came upon a cave and all stopped.

One of the Indians steps forward and yells, "WOO-WOOO!" There was a similar response from in the cave. He then tore all his clothes off and ran into the cave.

Another couple of hours goes by, another cave. They all stop. The second Indian yells "WOO-WOOO!" And again "woo-wooo!" was heard from the cave. He rips off his clothes and darts into the cave.

Now the Frenchman was very curious and asks "What da devil is going on???"

The third Indian explains, "It Indian mating season. When you give mating call and it returned mean available female in cave."

A little while later, a third cave, a third call, a third response. The clothes are off, the Indian is gone.

"Well dare ain't gonna be no huntin now" the Frenchman thinks to himself. So along the trail the Frenchman sees a big cave and goes "WOO-WOOO!" No response "WOO-WOOO!"... Hesitation... Then "woo-wooooo!" From in the cave. The Frenchman rips off all his clothes and runs full speed into the cave.

The next day in the Vancover Times, headlines read:

NAKED FRENCHMAN KILLED BY TRAIN

An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple making love in a field.

Getting over his initial shock he said to himself, "Ah, young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers... C'est magnifique!", and continued to watch, remembering the good old day's that he'd once enjoyed.

Suddenly he gasped and said, "Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman she is dead!" before heading off as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief.

He arrived at the Police Station, out of breath, and shouted, "Jean...Jean...zere is zis man, zis woman ... naked in farmer Gaston's field making love."

The police chief smiled and said, "Come, come, Henri you are not so old, remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah,L'amour! Zis is OK."

"Mais non! You do not understand, ze woman, she is dead!"

Upon hearing this, Jean, leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the station, jumped on his push-bike, pedaled down to the field, confirmed Henri's story, and pedaled all the way back to call the doctor.

He picked up the telephone and screamed, "Pierre, Pierre! This is Jean, I was in Gaston's field, zere is a young couple naked having sex!"

To which Pierre replied, "Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember...it's spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour! Zis is very natural."

Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply, "NON, you do not understand, ze woman, she is dead!"

Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed, "Mon dieu!" grabbed his black medicine bag, stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other tools, jumped in his car, and drove like a madman down to Gaston's field.

After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station.

When he got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said, "Ah, mes amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead, she is British!"

Chester Alan Arthur falls into the category of accidental Presidents. He took over the White House after the 20th President James Garfield died from an assassin's bullet in 1881. Though his place in American history is not as obscure as some other Presidents, Chester Alan Arthur still ranks just above a footnote in many history textbooks.

Chester Alan Arthur facts: Arthur had expensive taste in clothing. His wardrobe taste earned him the nickname Elegant Arthur. Arthur had expensive taste for home décor as well. Upon becoming President, he refused to live in the White House until it was renovated to his liking. He hired landscaper Louis Comfort Tiffany for the task. Tiffany would later go on to be famous for his lamps.

Chester Alan Arthur facts: Arthur suffered from a fatal kidney disease called Bright's Disease, whereby his body could not properly flush toxins out of its system. He died only one year after leaving office.

Chester Alan Arthur facts: When a journalist became too inquisitive about his personal life, Chester Alan Arthur replied: "I may be President of the United States, but my private life is nobody's damned business."

Chester Alan Arthur facts: At 6' 2'', Arthur ranks as one of the tallest American Presidents. And at 220 pounds, he is one of the heaviest Presidents as well.

Chester Alan Arthur facts: Arthur's father, Reverend William Arthur, was born in Northern Ireland.

Chester Alan Arthur facts: Arthur was a widower president. His wife, Ellen Arthur, died from pneumonia in January 1880. Arthur never remarried.

Chester Alan Arthur facts: Arthur was a supporter and beneficiary of the spoils system, which rewarded supportive political party members with government jobs and positions after winning an election. However, as President, Arthur signed into law the Pendleton Act of 1883 which created the Civil Service Commission. This law required government jobs and positions to be awarded to qualifies candidates regardless of political affiliation.

Chester Alan Arthur facts: His former hoe, 123 Lexington Avenue in Manhattan, is now a Middle Eastern specialty food store.

Chester Alan Arthur facts: Arthur's Secretary of War was Robert Todd Lincoln, son of Abraham Lincoln.

Chester Alan Arthur facts: Arthur is one of only two presidents to come from Vermont. The other is Calvin Coolidge.

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AAA is not an option. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Why a Handgun is Better Than a Woman

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.

#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

Why a Handgun is Better Than a Woman


#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.