RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

If your congested and your mama rubbed " vicks" into your nostrils to help relieve your sypmtoms, you're mexican.

President Felipe Calderon of Mexico has announced that Mexico will not participate in the Beijing Summer Olympics he stated: "Casi cada uno que puede funcionar, saltar, o la nadada ha salido ya del pams."

Translation:
"Pretty much everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country."

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers...

They panhandle on different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day.

Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?"

Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"

Carlos sign reads: 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support.'

Jose says "No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars."

Carlos says "So what does your sign say?"

Jose shows Carlos his sign... It reads : 'I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico '

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

I have a friend who is president of his homeowners association in the Dallas, Texas suburbs. They were having a terrible problem with litter near some of his association's homes. The reason according to Wallace (my friend) is that six very large, luxurious new houses are being built right next to their community.

The trash was coming from the Mexican laborers working at the construction sites and included bags from McDonald's, Burger King and 7-11, plus coffee cups, napkins, cigarette butts, coke cans, empty bottles, etc. He went to see the site supervisor and even the general contractor, politely urging them to get their workers not to litter the neighborhood, to no avail. He called the city, county, and police and got no help there either.

So here's what his community did. They organized about twenty folks, named themselves The 'Inner Neighborhood Services' group, and arranged to go out at lunch time and 'police' the trash themselves. It is what they did while picking up the trash that is so hilarious .

They bought navy blue baseball caps and had the initials 'INS' embroidered in gold on the caps.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand what they hoped people might mistakenly think the letters really stand for.

After the Inner Neighborhood Services group's first lunch time pickup detail, with all of them wearing their caps and some carrying cameras, 46 out of the total of 68 construction workers did not show up for work the next morning -- and haven't come back yet.

It has been ten days now.

The General Contractor, I'm told, is madder than hell, but can't say anything publicly because he could be busted for hiring illegal aliens. Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating federal personnel, because they have the official name of the group recorded in their homeowner association minutes along with a notation about the vote to approve formation of the new subcommittee -- and besides, they informed the INS in advance of their plans and according to Wallace, the INS said basically, 'Have at it!'

SO, FOLKS, I THINK YOU COULD SAY THAT TEXAS INGENUITY TRIUMPHS AGAIN!

'Need help, call Jesus.'

1-800-005-3787

...Out of curiosity I did.

A Mexican showed up with a towtruck.

'Two Mexicans are on a bike along U.S. 52 about 15 miles outside of Lafayette, LA. One of the bike's tires goes flat and they start hitching a lift back into town. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Mexicans ask him for a ride. He tells them he has no room in the Trailer as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls.

The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit into the back with their bike, will he take them back into town and he agrees.

They manage to squeeze themselves and their bike into the back and the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts the hammer down. Sure enough a blonde cop pulls him over for speeding. The lady officer asks the driver what he is carrying, to which the driver jokingly replies "Mexican eggs."

The Blond Lady Cop obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look in the trailer.

She opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.

She gets on her radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible plus the Swat Team.

The dispatcher asks what emergency she has that requires so many officers.

"I've got a Tractor-Trailer stopped with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it... two have hatched and they've already managed to steal a bicycle.

Alice and Frank were Bungee jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, "You know we could make a lot of money running our own Bungee-jumping business in Mexico."

Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.

As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd, they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration, so Alice jumps.

She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding. Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time, she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord

Frank messed up the cut and paste on this one.

Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine...It was the crowd. What the hell is a pinata?!"

This joke is outrageous and ignorant. I will not stand for such stupidity.



US Hwy 52 goes nowhere near Lafayette, LA. You've fucked up again, Lothar.

US 52 is one of five U.S. highways to cross the Mississippi River more than once. It crosses the river three times: at Minneapolis via the Dartmouth Bridge, at St. Paul by the Lafayette Bridge, and between Iowa and Illinois by the Savanna–Sabula Bridge. The others are U.S. Route 61, which crosses the Mississippi four times, U.S. Route 169, which crosses three times, and U.S. Route 2 and U.S. Route 67, which each cross twice.

Raccoons are distinguished by a black mask across the eyes and bushy tail with anywhere from four to ten black rings. The forepaws resemble slender human hands and make the raccoon very dexterous. The coloration of the raccoon varies with habitat, and ranges from grey to reddish brown to buff.

Raccoons have a stocky build and typically weigh from six to seven kilograms (avg. 6 kg or 13.2 lbs). Males are usually heavier than females. The body length ranges from 603 to 950 mm (2 to 3 ft)

Raccoons are found across southern Canada, throughout most of the United States, and into northern South America. Raccoons prefer to live in moist woodland areas. They can also be found in farmlands, suburban, and urban areas.

What they eat: Raccoons are omnivorous animals (they eat plants and animals). Plant foods vary from fruits to nuts, including wild grapes, cherries, apples, berries, and acorns. Raccoons may also eat peaches, plums, figs, citrus fruits, watermelons, and walnuts. They also forage for crayfish, insects, frogs, fish, and bird eggs. Raccoons have adapted to eat trash and other food available in urban areas.

Behavior: Raccoons are nocturnal (active at night), but can sometimes be seen during daylight hours. They are solitary animals (live alone) and the only social group raccoons form consist of a mother and her young.

Although they move slowly, with a shuffle like walk, they can reach speeds of 15 miles per hour on the ground. Raccoons climb with agility and are can withstand a drop of 35 feet from a tree. Raccoons are excellent climbers and strong swimmers.

Reproduction: Raccoons mate between late January or early February.

Lifespan/Longevity: Raccoons have been known to live a maximum of 16 years in the wild. A captive animal was recorded living for 21 years. The life span of raccoons in the wild is estimated at three to five years.

Did you know?
Raccoons live an average of 5 years in the wild.
They are very agile climbers.
They are preyed on by coyotes, wolves, hawks, and owls.
Raccoons are nocturnal animals, so they are rarely seen during the day.
Raccoons have excellent night vision.

RACOON POOP
1
Compare the raccoon droppings to that of a medium sized dog. They look much like dog feces: dark, tubular in shape, up to 1/4-inch in diameter and usually appear in well-formed, blunt segments. Older feces may look like dry leaves or a small pile of debris.

2
Observe the contents of the feces. Poorly digested seeds and peelings of seasonal fruits are usually present. Insects, such as grasshoppers and crickets, are apparent if they are abundant in your area.

RACOON POOP


3
Look for other evidence that raccoons are in the area to help verify that you have found raccoon droppings. There may be hair on fences or tree bark where they have been climbing, and the young ones often wear out areas at the base of trees where their den is located. Overturned trashcans and other mischievous activities often indicate the presence of raccoons.

4
Use caution if you run across a raccoon latrine. These are areas where raccoons keep coming back to leave their fresh feces on top of old droppings. They are often at the base of trees, along fence lines, woodpiles, on roofs or in unsealed attics.

Three eskimos are walking along in the snow. One of them stops and points to something on the ground.

"Hey, what's that? Is that racoon shit?"

The second eskimo turns to him and says, "I don't know, looks like racoon shit. Why don't you smell it?"

The three eskimoes took turns arguing, "I don't want to smell it, you smell it. NO YOU SMELL IT!", till finally the first eskimo decided to smell it.

"Well it smells like dog shit. I am still not sure though, why don't one of you touch it."

Again they all argued, "I'm not touching it. NO YOU TOUCH IT!", till finally the second eskimo agreed to touch it.

"Well... it feels like racoon shit too. Just to be sure maybe one of you should taste it?"

They argued once more, "You taste it, NO YOU TASTE IT!", till the third eskimo reluctantly tasted.

"Yeah, that tastes like racoon shit alright."

The first eskimo turned to his friends, and nodded.

"Well, it looks like racoon shit, smells like racoon shit, feels like racoon shit, and tastes like racoon shit... It must be racoon shit. Good thing we didn't step in it!"

William James Hung Hing Cheong (Traditional Chinese: 孔慶翔, Simplified Chinese: 孔庆翔, Cantonese Yale: Hung2 Hing3 Cheung4, Pinyin: Kǒng Qìngxiáng; born January 13, 1983), commonly known as William Hung, is an American singer who gained fame in early 2004 as a result of his off-key audition performance of Ricky Martin's hit song "She Bangs" on the third season of the television series American Idol.

Originally from Sha Tin, Hong Kong, Hung moved to Camden, New Jersey in 1993 and graduated from the John H. Francis Polytechnic High School in Los Angeles. He was a student at University of California, Berkeley, and later dropped out to pursue his music career. As of January 2012 Hung has largely retired from music and serves as a technical crime analyst for the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department.[

While studying civil engineering at the University of California, Berkeley, Hung auditioned for the third season of American Idol in San Francisco in September 2003. He was the final auditioner on the January 15, 2004, installment, the coup de grâce of an hour-long episode that showcased other would-be pop stars, mostly lacking in talent.

"I want to make music my living," said Hung, before he started singing and dancing to Ricky Martin's "She Bangs". As judges Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul tried to restrain their laughter, judge Simon Cowell dismissed Hung's performance, remarking "You can't sing, you can't dance, so what do you want me to say?", to which Hung replied, "Um, I already gave my best, and I have no regrets at all." Jackson and Abdul applauded his positive attitude, with Abdul remarking, "That's the best attitude yet." Hung's response to Cowell's criticism starkly contrasts with the often confrontational rejoinders of other contestants. Hung added, "...you know, I have no professional training of singing and dancing," eliciting mock surprise from Cowell, who replied, "No? Well this is the surprise of the century." Hung was not admitted through to the next round.

Hung rapidly gained a cult following. A William Hung fan site, set up by realtor Don Chin and his wife Laura, recorded over four million hits within its first week. Hung subsequently appeared on several television programs including Jimmy Kimmel Live!, On Air with Ryan Seacrest, Entertainment Tonight, The George Lopez Show, The Late Show With David Letterman, Countdown with Keith Olbermann, The Howard Stern Radio Show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Dateline NBC, Arrested Development and CBS's The Early Show. Hung was featured in several national magazines and newspapers; he was parodied on Saturday Night Live and appeared on Celebrity Deathmatch. He was reportedly invited to perform at MTV's Asia Awards held in mid-February.

Remixes of Hung's audition performance topped song request lists at a number of radio stations. An online petition to get Hung back to American Idol included more than 100,000 signatures by late February. Hung was brought back to American Idol as part of a mid-season special titled Uncut, Uncensored and Untalented, airing March 1, 2004. The special documented what it was like to experience the audition process and, in Hung's case, emerge as an inadvertent celebrity. Hung was crowned the Artichoke King of 2006 in Castroville, California's Artichoke Festival; an honor previously bestowed on Marilyn Monroe

William Hung was offered a $25,000 advance on a record deal from Koch Entertainment in 2004, and released three albums on that label in 2004 and 2005. The albums mainly consisted of covers of pop and rock songs, including "She Bangs".

Hung has appeared in commercials for the search engine Ask.com, the Game Show Network (spoofing Freddy Mercury and singing an off-key "We Are the Champions"), as well as the mobile phone service provider Cingular Wireless.[citation needed] He also appeared to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in May 2004 at the Rogers Centre for the Toronto Blue Jays.[4]

His first movie, a low-budget Hong Kong period comedy called Where is Mama's Boy (2004), was released in January 2005. Hung played a good-natured village kid who sells Chinese pancakes to pay his mother's medical bills. His character gets discovered as a singer, and helps a woman protect her business from her jealous, conniving elder sister. In the film, Hung played opposite veteran Hong Kong actress Nancy Sit and parodied his own American Idol performance with the song "Siu Beng" (Cantonese) ("Chinese Pancake"), an allusion to his American Idol audition song, "She Bangs." Despite solid financial backing and the involvement of Nancy Sit, the film was a box office flop.

Hung was the subject of a documentary called William Hung: Hangin' with Hung, a ninety minute film recounting his sudden rise to fame. Hung appeared as himself in a February 2006 episode of the television series Arrested Development titled "Fakin' It", acting as the front-man of a band, "William Hung and his Hung Jury", the house band for a fictional courtroom-themed show Mock Trial with J. Reinhold.

Hung has appeared in an episode of the MTV Show, Celebrity Deathmatch, where he battles Ricky Martin (who performed the original "She Bangs").
In the episode Sexual Harassment of the American version of The Office, the letters "WL HUNG" appear on Todd Packer's vanity plate and is mistaken to be a reference to Hung. The letters actually stood for "Well hung".
He has also appeared in Airline in which he missed his flight, then sang his infamous song once again for the cameras.[5]

Hung has also been portrayed as a Chinese fairy in the Fairly OddParents movie, Fairy Idol. The fairy also sang horribly, but sang the Fairly OddParents theme song instead.

Hung also made a cameo appearance on an episode of George Lopez, auditioning as a wedding singer.

American Idol season 9 semi-finalist Todrick Hall auditioned in Dallas, Texas with an original audition song that mentioned Hung.

In May 2012, Korean-American singer Jay Park released a song titled "William Hung" on his mixtape, Fresh A!r: Breathe !t.

Commentator Emil Guillermo claimed that Hung may have not gained much attention had he been of another race, and his popularity may be derived from his being a representation of the Asian stereotype, characterized by nerdiness, bucked teeth, studiousness, speaking with a strong "fresh off the boat" accent, and lacking singing talent or rhythm. Documentary filmmaker James Hou commented: "As Asian Americans, we look through this racial lens, and we see this guy who embodies all the stereotypes we're trying to escape from."

Some analysts have argued that Hung's career arose out of mockery, and that the media exploited him as a joke rather than as a talented or inspirational figure.Ron Lin, former editor in chief of the UC Berkeley's Daily Californian asserts: "It's really difficult for Asian American males to break through and (Hung) may not be the most appealing example." However, in contrast to this viewpoint, in a 2008 American Idol Extra, Hung attributes his success in this when asked, "Why do you think it is that people gravitate towards William Hung so much?", Hung stated, "I believe it's my attitude and charisma, I tell people constantly, media, every where I go, just never give up on your dream."

That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive...
Yu Stin Ki Pu

Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo

I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King

I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?