RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

"Two California Democratic delegates have already been kicked out of convention for getting completely drunk. One passed out, the other was accused of impersonating a member of Congress. They knew he wasn't a real member of Congress because he was buying his own drinks with his money." –Jay Leno

"The Democrats are getting ready for their convention in north Carolina. Or as they told Joe Biden, South Carolina." –Jay Leno

"Much like the Republicans, the Democrats are also going to have a mystery speaker. I believe it's Mitt Romney's dog." –Jay Leno

"There are reports that nine of the hotels being used for politicians at the Democratic National Convention have bedbugs. When asked what it’s like to have to deal with thousands of ruthless bloodsuckers, the bedbugs were like, 'Eh, it's OK.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"I hope they go easy on Clint Eastwood. It wasn't his best performance last week at the Republican convention, but he's given us decades of great films. So Democrats, if you're looking to mock Mitt Romney by dragging an inanimate object out onto the stage, why not just use Mitt Romney?" –Craig Ferguson


"The conventions are so different. The Democrats finally look like a real political party; the Republicans look like a seminar for how to flip real estate for Jesus. ... The Democratic convention looked like the America I see when I walk down the street. The Republican convention looked like 'Antiques Roadshow.'" -Bill Maher

"The first two nights of the Democratic convention are at the Time Warner Cable Arena and the big speech by President Obama will be at the Bank of America Stadium. That’s good thinking, the two things Americans love most: cable companies and banks." –Jay Leno


"Former Democratic nominee John Kerry is going to give a speech about foreign policy. It will be like Clint Eastwood's speech except this time the empty chairs will be in the audience." –Craig Ferguson

"What a different four years makes. At the last Democratic Convention the theme was 'hope and change' this time it’s 'hope you don’t make a change.'" –Jay Leno


"President Obama's speech at the DNC has been moved inside to the Time Warner arena. You can tell it's Time Warner because Obama will give the speech two weeks from Friday sometime between 2 and 4." –Jimmy Fallon

"If you're a donor to President Obama's campaign, you were promised exclusive access to Joe Biden – and for an extra $10,000 absolutely no access to Joe Biden." –Conan O'Brien


"Former President Bill Clinton will be in Charlotte tomorrow night. And he'll also be at the convention." –David Letterman

"First lady Michelle Obama is receiving praise for the speech she gave last night at the Democratic National Convention. Everyone was impressed. Even Fox News called it 'not the worst.'" –Jimmy Fallon


"Actually, President Obama's speech at the DNC has been moved inside to the Time Warner Arena. You can tell it's Time Warner because Obama will give the speech two weeks from Friday, between the hours of 12 and 4." –Jimmy Fallon

"It's been reported that one of the surprise speakers at the Democratic convention is going to be Scarlett Johansson. For her speech, she'll be talking to an empty chair and telling it, 'Hey, my eyes are up here!" –Conan O'Brien


"A fun fact: At this year's Democratic convention, eight percent of the delegates are gay, a historic record. This will be the first time a presidential candidate will be nominated by a show of jazz hands." –Conan O'Brien

"The Democrats are going all out to top last week's Republican Convention. In fact, I heard they’re going to have Clint Eastwood yell at a couch." –Jimmy Fallon



"At the Democratic National Convention, two of the speakers were identical twin brothers, Joaquin and Julian Castro. Apparently promising identical twins was the only way to get Bill Clinton to show up. Man, was he disappointed." –Conan O'Brien

"Michelle Obama said the first car Barack picked her up in was so old you could see the ground below them. Today Ann Romney said the same thing about Mitt's first helicopter." –Conan O'Brien


"The Democratic Convention had a huge lighting problem in the convention hall. They worked all day on it and they still couldn't get President Obama out of Bill Clinton's shadow." –Jay Leno

ESPRESSO DRINK RECIPES


AMERICANO

To make an Americano, or Caffe Americano, pull a single shot of espresso and then add about 6 ounces of hot water—the strength should be similar to drip filter coffee.

Caffe Americano is the Italian way of serving espresso “American style.” Add milk and/or sugar if desired.

BLACK AND WHITE

To make a Black and White, pour one-half of an ounce of milk or vanilla schnapps into a shot glass and then pour one-half ounce of coffee liquor atop the drink.

BLACK EYE

To make a Black Eye pull two shots of espresso and add them to a cup of brewed coffee. Also see Red Eye; Dead Eye.

BLACK RUSSIAN

To prepare a Black Russian fill a glass with crushed ice and then add 1.5 ounces of coffee liqueur and 1.5 ounces of vodka.

BONE DRY CAPPUCCINO

A cappuccino with no steamed milk—instead it is filled with foam only. See Cappuccino.

BREVE (Espresso Breve)

To make an Espresso Breve, pull one shot of espresso and add a small amount of heated or steamed light cream or half & half. Breve is the Italian word for “short.”

CAFFE AMERICANO (Caffé Americano)

To make a Caffe Americano, pull a single shot of espresso and then add about 6 ounces of hot water—the strength should be similar to drip filter coffee. Caffe Americano is the Italian way of serving espresso “American style.” Add milk and/or sugar if desired.

CAFE AU LAIT (Café Au Lait)

This delicious French coffee drink is prepared using strongly brewed coffee (French Press is best) or espresso served in a large, bowl-shaped cup (a white porcelain cup or bowl is best) along with heated milk or steamed milk but not foam.


The hot milk is traditionally served in a separate pitcher, and then when everything is ready and proper, mix equal amounts of the two ingredients to taste.

The open-mouthed cup or bowl-shaped cup enhances the beverage, and is also great for warming you hands on those chilly winter days. Another benefit of a large porcelain cup is that it is great for dipping your brioche or croissant, if you are a dipper.

CAFE BONBON (Café Bonbon)

To make this French drink, pull one shot of espresso into a small glass, then pour in an equal amount of condensed milk. The two liquids should stay separated until stirred. The French term Cafe Bonbon means “Candy Coffee.”

CAFECITO (Un Cafecito) – See Cafe Cubano. Also see Cuban Coffee – Coffees of Cuba.

CAFE CUBANO

Commonly served in thimble-sized paper cups, Cuban coffee is often served at the end of a meal in tiny cups called tacitas, which are even smaller than demitasse cups.

To prepare a Cafe Cubano pour ice-cold water into the espresso maker (e.g., pot on stove) and fill it with the coffee grounds.

Screw the espresso pot together and place it on the stove burner. Place approximately two teaspoons of sugar into your cup and then when the coffee begins percolating pour a bit into your cup to moisten the sugar into a paste.

When the coffee has finished brewing, slowly pour some into the cup and gently mix it with the sugary paste—this should create a foam. Now add the rest of the coffee.

CAFE CON LECHE (Café Con Leche)

To make this Spanish drink brew up a some dark roasted gourmet coffee and then mix in some sugar and serve it with heated milk. Warm buttered bread is also traditionally served.


CAFE DECAFFEINE

A Cafe Decaffeine is simply decaffeinated brewed coffee. Also see Decaffeinated Coffee.


CAFFE CREME (Caffè Creme)

To prepare a Caffe Creme, pull one shot of espresso and add one ounce of heavy cream.

A Caffe Creme is also called a Cafe Creme (Café Crème) and Espresso Creme.

CAFFE LATTE (Caffé Latte)

To make this Italian drink, pull two shots of espresso in a heavy, bowl-shaped cup, tall ceramic mug, or clear cup. Next add about three times as much steamed milk.

As you pour the steamed milk into the cup use a spoon to hold back the foam until the cup is more than ¾-full. Now top it off with a small cap of foam.

Rather than pouring the milk onto the espresso, gourmet coffee lovers often prefer to pour the espresso and steamed milk from either side of the glass simultaneously

The term caffe latte comes from the Italian “caffe e latte,” which means “coffee and milk—this drink is analogous to the French Cafe Au Lait. Lattes are often flavored with sweet Italian syrups like hazelnut, almond, and other nut flavors.

For detailed directions on how to make a Latte, see the Barista Guide To Perfect Lattes and Cappuccinos.

CAFE MOCHA (Café Mocha)

Pull two shots of espresso and pour them into a tall glass. Now mix in one ounce of chocolate syrup or chocolate powder, and then add steamed milk until it is almost full. Top it off with whipped cream and then garnish it with some chocolate flakes.

The term Mocha is also spelled Moka, and originally referred to a particular variety of coffee which itself was named after a Yemen port near a traditional and renown coffee-growing region.

CAFE NOISETTE (Café Noisette)

To prepare a Cafe Noisette (pronounced Nwah-Zhet), pull a shot of espresso and then add just a small amount of milk. Noisette means hazelnut and refers to the drink’s color.

CAPPUCCINO

To make this Italian beverage pull one or two shots of espresso into a Cappuccino. Now add about twice as much steamed milk as there is espresso, and then top it off with foam.

Many purists prefer 1/3 espresso, 1/3 steamed milk, and 1/3 foam, while others prefer 1/3 espresso and 2/3 foam. Still others say it should be 50% espresso, with the other half having equal amounts of milk and foam. For heaven’s sake—you be the judge!

Optional garnishes include a sprinkle of ground chocolate, cinnamon, nutmeg, powdered cocoa, or vanilla powder. A request for a “dry cappuccino” means add more foam than usual, while “wet cappuccino” means add more milk. “Bone dry” means no milk (fill it with foam).

The foam of a cappuccino should be wet and velvety, mixing naturally with the pour, and not simply sitting atop the drink like a large, bubbled meringue. For detailed directions see the Barista Guide To Perfect Lattes and Cappuccinos.

COCONUT LATTE

To make a Coconut Latte, pull two shots of espresso and combine them with one ounce each of coconut syrup (or canned coconut cream) and chocolate syrup. Almost fill the cup with steamed milk, then finish it off with a bit of foam.

Now sprinkle some grated chocolate on top along with some grated toasted coconut.

CON LECHE

To make this Spanish drink brew up a some dark roasted premium coffee and then mix in some sugar and serve it with heated milk. Warm buttered bread is also traditionally served.

CON PANNA (Espresso Con Panna)

To make an Espresso Con Panna, pull either one or two shots of espresso and top it off with a dollop of whipped cream. Espresso Con Panna is Italian for “Espresso with cream.”

CUBAN COFFEE – See Cafe Cubano. Also see Cuban Coffee – Coffees of Cuba.

CUBANO (Espresso Cubano)

To make an Espresso Cubano, pull two shots of espresso “short,” which means that the extraction time should be less than the usual 18-22 seconds. Then add raw sugar to taste. Also see Cuban Coffee – Coffees of Cuba.

DEAD EYE

To make a Dead Eye pull three shots of espresso and add them to a cup of brewed coffee. Also see Red Eye; Black Eye.

DEPTH CHARGE

To make a Depth Charge pull one shot of espresso and add it to a cup of brewed coffee.

A Depth Charge is also called a Shot-In-The-Dark; Pile Driver; Red Eye; or Eye Opener.

DOPPIO ESPRESSO

To make an Doppio Espresso, pull two espresso shots (about 3 ounces total) using an espresso machine. A doppio is best served in a slightly oversized demitasse or in a Cappuccino cup. Doppio is Italian for “double.”

DOUBLE ESPRESSO (Double Shot)

To make a Double Espresso, pull two espresso shots (about 3 ounces total) using an espresso machine. A double espresso is best served in a slightly oversized demitasse or in a Cappuccino cup.

Also see Pulling a Perfect Espresso Shot to make sure you are using the proper espresso grind size and follow the Technical Specifications for a proper espresso. A Double Espresso is also called Doppio Espresso; Espresso Doppio.

DRY CAPPUCCINO

A standard cappuccino except with more foam than usual. See Cappuccino.

ESPRESSO CREME

To prepare an Espresso Creme, pull one shot of espresso and add one ounce of heavy cream. Also called Caffe Creme.

More Great Espresso Drink Recipes continued:

ESPRESSO CUBANO

To make an Espresso Cubano, pull two shots of espresso “short,” which means that the extraction time should be less than the usual 18-22 seconds. Then add raw sugar to taste. Also see Cuban Coffee – Coffees of Cuba.

ESPRESSO GRANITA

To make a traditional Espresso Granita pull two shots of espresso and add sugar to taste. Then put the beverage in the freezer, and when it is mostly frozen take it out and crush it up. The sugar will prevent the drink from freezing solid (thus the granularity).

Serve the Espresso Granita in a cup with a spoon. Optional: Top it off with whipped cream. Also called Granita Espresso. Also see Granita Latte.

ESPRESSO BREVE

To make an Espresso Breve, pull one shot of espresso and add a small amount of heated or steamed light cream or half & half. Breve is the Italian word for “short.”

ESPRESSO CON PANNA

To make an Espresso Con Panna, pull either one or two shots of espresso and top it off with a dollop of whipped cream. In Italian, “Espresso Con Panna” means “Espresso with cream.” For more tips see Pulling a Perfect Espresso Shot.

ESPRESSO DOPPIO

To make an Espresso Doppio, pull two espresso shots (about 3 ounces total) using an espresso machine. A doppio is best served in a slightly oversized demitasse or in a Cappuccino cup. Doppio is Italian for “double.”

Also see Pulling a Perfect Espresso Shot to make sure you are using the proper espresso grind size and follow the Technical Specifications for a proper espresso. An Espresso Doppio is also called Doppio Espresso; Double Shot.

ESPRESSO GRANITA

To make a traditional Espresso Granita pull two shots of espresso and add sugar to taste. Then put the beverage in the freezer, and when it is mostly frozen take it out and crush it up. The sugar will prevent the drink from freezing solid (thus the granularity).

Serve the Espresso Granita in a cup with a spoon. Optional: Top it off with whipped cream. Also see Granita Latte.

ESPRESSO LUNGO

To make an Espresso Lungo pour one shot of espresso “lungo” or “long.” To do this the normal 1.5 ounces of water are dispensed through the espresso grounds using a longer (lungo) extraction time than usual, usually between 25-40 seconds as compared to the normal 18 to 22 seconds. An Espresso Lungo is also called Long Shot.


ESPRESSO MACCHIATO

To make an Espresso Macchiato pull a single shot of espresso “macchiato” (marked with) about 1½ tablespoons (a dollop) of foam. Some people instead prefer just a dash of steamed milk or cream. An Espresso Macchiato should be served in a demitasse.

ESPRESSO RISTRETTO

To make an Espresso Ristretto, or “Short Shot,” (ristretto means restricted), pull one shot of espresso, but only put about half as much water as usual into the espresso machine (instead of 1-1/2 ounces of water, just use 3/4-ounce).

The water should dispense through the espresso grounds in about 18-20 seconds compared to the normal 22 seconds, and the grind size used should be even finer than usual. The slower extraction can also be accomplished by pressing or tamping the coffee down with extra pressure in the portafilter.

Sweeter and more flavorful than a full shot, the Espresso Ristretto renders a thicker, stouter drink, emphasizing the intense espresso taste. The restricted extraction is meant to extract only the best qualities of the coffee and none of the bitter elements, with about the same amount of caffeine, creating a richer beverage that is more intense.


ESPRESSO ROMANO

To make an Espresso Romano, pull a single shot of espresso and top it with fresh peel (twist or slice) of lemon—this is usually served on the side. Many say this espresso presentation is an Italian invention, but Italians deny it.

Some gourmet coffee aficionados say the lemon interferes with the delicate flavor balance of the Espresso—you be the judge!

EYE OPENER

To make an Eye Opener pull one shot of espresso and add it to a cup of brewed coffee. Also called Shot-In-The-Dark; Pile Driver; Depth Charge; Red Eye.

GRANITA ESPRESSO

To make a Granita Espresso, pull two shots of espresso and add sugar to taste. Then put the beverage in the freezer, and when it is mostly frozen take it out and crush it up. The sugar will prevent the drink from freezing solid and provide granularity.

Serve the Granita Espresso in a cup with a spoon. Optional: Top it off with whipped cream. Also see Granita Latte.

GRANITA LATTE

To make this American version of the Granita Espresso, pull one shot of espresso and combine it with milk and sugar, then put it in the freezer. When it is almost frozen take it out and crush it up. Optional: Top it off with whipped cream. This drink is also made by special dispensing machines.

ICED CAPPUCCINO

To make an Iced Cappuccino, pull one shot of espresso and pour it over ice, then add three ounces of cold milk. Now spoon a nice layer of foam atop the espresso. Sweeten if desired.

IRISH COFFEE

To make a classic Irish Coffee, first pre-heat the glass using hot water. Then pour about one ounce of Irish whiskey into the glass and fill it almost full with brewed coffee that has been lightly sweetened.

Next pour some thick, whole cream onto the back of a spoon that is resting just on the surface of the coffee beverage. The sugar in the coffee will help the cream float.


LATTE (Caffe Latte)

To make this Italian drink, pull two shots of espresso in a heavy, bowl-shaped cup, tall ceramic mug, or clear cup. Next add about three times as much steamed milk.

As you pour the steamed milk into the cup use a spoon to hold back the foam until the cup is more than ¾-full. Now top it off with a small cap of foam.

Rather than pouring the milk onto the espresso, coffee connoisseurs often prefer to pour the espresso and steamed milk from either side of the glass simultaneously

LATTE MACCHIATO

To make a Latte Macchiato, fill a cup with steamed milk and then put in pour the espresso on top so the drink is macchiato (“marked”) with espresso. Pour the espresso in slowly so that it forms a dark swirl in the glass.

Recipes for Gourmet Espresso Drinks continued:

LONG SHOT

To make a Long Shot pour one shot of espresso “lungo” or “long.” To do this the normal 1.5 ounces of water are dispensed through the compacted espresso grounds using a longer (lungo) extraction time than usual.

A typical long shot may be extracted for anywhere from twenty-five to forty seconds. In contrast, a normal espresso not is usually only extracted for about twenty seconds. A Long Shot is also know as an Espresso Lungo.

MACADAMIA MOCHA

To make a Macadamia Mocha, pull two shots of espresso and add one ounce each of macadamia nut syrup and chocolate fudge syrup. Finish filling up the cup with steamed milk. Now sprinkle some toasted coconut atop the drink along with a dash of grated chocolate.

MACCHIATO (Espresso Macchiato)

To make an Espresso Macchiato pull a single shot of espresso “macchiato” (marked with) about 1½ tablespoons (a dollop) of foam. Rather than foam, some people instead prefer just a dash of steamed milk or cream. An Espresso Macchiato is traditionally served in a demitasse. Also see Latte Macchiato.

MOCHA

Pull two shots of espresso and pour them into a tall glass. Now mix in one ounce of chocolate syrup or chocolate powder, and then add steamed milk until it is almost full. Top it off with whipped cream and then garnish it with some chocolate flakes.

The term Mocha is also spelled Moka, and originally referred to a particular variety of coffee which itself was named after a Yemen port near a traditional and renown coffee-growingcktt region.

MOCHACCINO

To make a Mochaccino, pull a single shot of espresso and mix in one ounce of chocolate syrup or chocolate powder. Then fill the cup almost full with steamed milk, and finally top it off with some foam.

MOCHA LATTE

To make a Mocha Latte, pull two shots of espresso and pour them into a tall cup. Now stir in one ounce of chocolate syrup or chocolate powder, then top it off with steamed milk and foam. The end result should be about one-fourth espresso, one-fourth chocolate, and half milk and foam.

PILE DRIVER (Pile-Driver)

To make a Pile Driver pull one shot of espresso and add it to a cup of brewed coffee.

A Pile Driver is also called a Shot-In-The-Dark; Red Eye; Depth Charge; or Eye Opener. Also see Black Eye; Dead Eye.

RED EYE (Red-Eye)

To make a Red Eye pull one shot of espresso and add it to a cup of brewed coffee. A Red Eye is also a called Shot-In-The-Dark or Pile Driver.

RISTRETTO—See Espresso Ristretto.

ROMANO (Espresso Romano)

To make an Espresso Romano, pull a single shot of espresso and then top it off with fresh peel (a slice or twist) of lemon—this is usually served on the side. Many say this espresso presentation is an Italian invention, but Italians deny it.

Some specialty coffee aficionados say the lemon interferes with the delicate flavor balance of the Espresso—you will have to be the judge!

SHORT-PULL ESPRESSO (Short Pull Espresso)

To make a Short-Pull Espresso, also called a Short Shot or Espresso Ristretto, pull one shot of espresso, but only put about half as much water as usual into the espresso machine (instead of 1-1/2 ounces of water, just use 3/4-ounce).

The water should dispense through the espresso grounds in about 18-20 seconds compared to the normal 22 seconds, and the grind size used should be even finer than usual. The slower extraction can also be accomplished by pressing or tamping the coffee down with extra pressure in the portafilter.

Sweeter and more flavorful than a full shot, the Short-Pull Espresso renders a thicker, stouter drink, emphasizing the intense espresso taste. The restricted extraction is meant to extract only the best qualities of the coffee and none of the bitter elements—with about the same amount of caffeine. In Europe this is the preferred shot.

SHOT-IN-THE-DARK (Shot In the Dark)

To make a Shot-In-the-Dark, pull one shot of espresso and then add it to a cup of brewed coffee. A Shot-In-the-Dark is also called a Red Eye; Pile Driver; Depth Charge; and Eye Opener. Also see Black Eye; Dead Eye.

SHOT OF ESPRESSO

To prepare a shot of espresso you need to pull one shot of espresso—about 1½ ounces—using an espresso machine. The espresso shot is best served in a pre-warmed demitasse. Also see Pulling a Perfect Espresso Shot.

SOLO ESPRESSO

To prepare a solo shot of espresso you need to pull one shot of espresso—about 1½ ounces—using an espresso machine. The espresso shot is best served in a pre-warmed demitasse. See Pulling a Perfect Espresso Shot.

SPICY VIENNESE ESPRESSO

To make a spicy Viennese Espresso, pull two shots of espresso. The espresso is then mixed with 4 ground cloves, one-half teaspoon cinnamon, and one-half teaspoon allspice. Finally top it all off with a nice dollop of whipped cream.

SPLIT SHOT ESPRESSO

To make a Split Shot Espresso, pull one shot of espresso using half decaffeinated gourmet coffee grounds and half regular (caffeinated) gourmet coffee grounds.

TOFFEE LATTE

Pull two shots of espresso and combine them with one ounce each of praline syrup, chocolate syrup, and caramel syrup. Fill the rest of the cup with steamed milk and a small amount of foam. Top it off with a sprinkle of grated chocolate and a dash of toffee shavings.

TRADITIONAL GRANITA ESPRESSO

To make a traditional Granita Espresso, pull two shots of espresso and then add some sugar to taste. Next put the beverage in the freezer, and when it is mostly frozen take it out and crush it up. The sugar will prevent the drink from freezing solid, and the word “granita” refers to the granularity of the sugar.

Serve the Granita Espresso in a cup along with a spoon. Optional: Finally top it off with whipped cream. Also see Granita Latte.

VIENNESE COFFEE

Brewed coffee topped with whipped cream.

Also: Coffee brewed from coffee beans that were given a Viennese Roast.

VIENNESE ESPRESSO

To make a spicy Viennese Espresso, pull two shots of espresso and mix it with 4 ground cloves, ½-teaspoon cinnamon, and ½-teaspoon allspice. Finally top it off with whipped cream and enjoy!


WET CAPPUCCINO

A standard cappuccino except with extra steamed milk.

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton came on the TV. After a few sips he looked up at the screen and mumbled, "Now there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."

Immediately, a customer at the end of the bar got up, walked over, decked him, and left.

A few minutes later, the man was finishing his beer when Hillary Clinton appeared on the TV. "She's a horse's ass too," he said.

A customer from the other end of the bar got up, walked over, and knocked him off his stool.

"Damnit!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"

frell

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A HO WHEN...

- You've slept with Geraldo Rivera.

- You become a Vaseline spokesperson.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A HO WHEN...


- You go through a Sealy Mattress (tm) a week.

- Frederick actually comes to your door himself just to see where 1/2 of his orders go.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A HO WHEN...

- When people say, "Ho, Ho, Ho" and it's July.

- Your baby looks familiar, but like who?

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A HO WHEN...


- When they change your # to 976.

- Tetracycline is your best friend.

- McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal."