RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

1600–1602, extremely cold winters in Switzerland and Baltic region after eruption of Huaynaputina in Peru in 1600.

1607–1608, in North America, ice persisted on Lake Superior until June. Londoners held their first frost fair on the frozen-over River Thames.

1622, in Turkey, the Golden Horn and southern section of Bosphorus froze over.
1690s, extremely cold, snowy, severe winters. Ice surrounded Iceland for miles in every direction.


1779–1780, Scotland's coldest winter on record, and ice surrounded Iceland in every direction (like in the 1690s). In the USA, a record five-week cold spell bottomed out at −20 °F (−29 °C) at Hartford, Connecticut, and −16 °F (−27 °C) in New York City. Hudson River and New York's harbor froze over.

1783–1786, the Thames partially froze, and snow remained on the ground for months. In February 1784, the North Carolina was frozen in Chesapeake Bay.

1794–1795, severe winter, with the coldest January in the UK and lowest temperature ever recorded in London: −21 °C (−6 °F) on 25 January. The cold began on Christmas Eve and lasted until late March, with a few temporary warm-ups. The Severn and Thames froze, and frost fairs started up again. The French army tried to invade the Netherlands over its frozen rivers, while the Dutch fleet was stuck in its harbor. The winter had Easterlies (from Siberia) as its dominant feature.

1813–1814, severe cold, last freeze-over of Thames, and last frost fair. (Removal of old London Bridge and changes to river's banks made freeze-overs less likely.)
1883–1888, colder temperatures worldwide, including an unbroken string of abnormally cold and brutal winters in the Upper Midwest, related to the explosion of Krakatoa in August 1883. There was snow recorded in the UK as early as October and as late as July during this time period.


1976–1977, one of the coldest winters in the US in decades.


1985, Arctic outbreak in US resulting from shift in polar vortex, with many cold temperature records broken.

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should ave mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex," she said.

The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

http://www.csmonitor.com/Business/Latest...-in-a-pear-tree

Prices of items in the Christmas carol "The Twelve Days of Christmas," according to PNC Wealth Management:


— Partridge, $15; last year: same

— Pear tree, $189.99; last year: 169.99

— Two turtle doves, $125; last year: same

— Three French hens, $165; last year: $150

— Four calling birds (canaries), $519.96; last year: same

— Five gold rings, $750; last year: $645

— Six geese a-laying, $210; last year: $162

— Seven swans a-swimming, $7,000; last year: $6,300

— Eight maids a-milking, $58; last year: same

— Nine ladies dancing (per performance), $6,294; last year: same

— 10 lords a-leaping (per performance), $4,767; last year: same

— 11 pipers piping (per performance), $2,562; last year: $2,428

— 12 drummers drumming (per performance), $2,776; last year: $2,630

http://www.dezert-rose.com/humor/christmas/12daysreply.html

Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes

December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love, Agnes

***

December 16th

Dear John:

Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind.

Love Agnes

***

December 17th

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.

Affectionately, Agnes

***

December 18th

Dearest John:

What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love, Agnes

***

December 19th

Dear John:

When I opened the door there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!

Cordially, Agnes

***

December 20th

John:

What's with you and those birds???? Seven swans-a-swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird do-do all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night. IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So stop with those birds.

Sincerely, Agnes

December 21st

OK Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with eight maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids-a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows. There is poop all over the lawn and I can't move into my own house. Just lay off me. .

Ag

***

December 22nd

Hey:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And do they play! They never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.

From Ag

December 23rd

You Creep!

Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call them ladies. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of poop. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.

One who means it, Ag

***

December 24th

Listen Idiot:

What's with the eleven lords a-leaping? All 234 of the birds are dead. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.

Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister

***

December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spedar, and Baegar)

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

-Merry Christmas

SIGNS SANTA CLAUS IS ACTUALLY A WOMAN

15. Santa *remembers* it's Christmas. 'Nuf said.

14. Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom.

13. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem!

12. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee."

11. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.

10. "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino.

9. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.

8. Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.

7. Bowl full of jelly, my ass. It's water retention.

6. Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls.

5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!

4. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.

3. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops.

2. The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks.

1. With the way they build chimneys these days you'd *have* to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while in the summer both male and female reindeer grow antlers each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says.

"Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks.

"10..." says the doctor.

"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.

"10...9...8...7...

http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/09/11-sex-facts-to-blow-your-mind.html


Fact: Orgasms can lower a woman's risk of heart disease, stroke, breast cancer, and depression.

Fact: The world's largest recorded penis belongs to 41-year-old New Yorker Jonah Falcon, whose appendage measures 9.5 inches flaccid and 13.5 inches erect.

Fact: The impulse to ejaculate comes from the spinal cord; no brain is needed.

Fact: The average male orgasm lasts six seconds; the average female orgasm lasts twenty seconds.

Fact: The left testicle usually hangs lower than the right for right-handed men. The opposite is true for lefties.

Fact: One out of every six Americans aged 14 to 49 has a genital herpes HSV-2 infection.

Fact: After fingers and vibrators, candles are the phallic objects used most often by female masturbators. Unlit ones, hopefully.

Fact: The most common cause of penile rupture is vigorous masturbation. If that happens, you're doing it wrong.

Fact: When two people kiss, they exchange between 10 million and 1 billion bacteria.

Fact: The average vagina is three to four inches long but can expand by 200 percent when sexually aroused. It's an optimistic organ.

Fact: Despite what men claim, only 15 percent have a penis longer than seven inches. Only 3 percent have a penis more than eight inches long.

http://www.infobarrel.com/10_Facts_about_Rain#2bi2ahWQjgyKlu3Y.99

1. The umbrella was originally invented to protect people from the hot sun.

2. Rain drops can fall at speeds of about 22 miles an hour. To take this into
perspective, a snowflake falls at about 2-4 mph can take about 1 hour to finally
reach the ground.

3.Rain starts off as ice or snow crystals at cloud level. A droplet of water will stay in Earth’s atmosphere for around 10 days.

4. Light rain is classified as being no more then 0.10 inchese of rain an hour. Rainfall observations and
records are made by thousands of stations throughout the world. Rainfall is measured, in terms of inches or millimeters of depth.

5. Heavy rain is classified as being more then 0.30 inches of rain an hour. If droplets are very small
they are typically known as drizzle.

6. Louisiana is the wettest state in the U.S, which receoved an annual rainfall of 56 inches. But on average there are over 1500 thunderstorms occurring on earth with 100 lightning strikes per second. You
have about a one and thee million chance in being struck by lightning and during a hurricane, almost 100% of people that die end up drowning.

7. Rain drops range in size from 0.02 inches to about .031 inches. About an inch of rain water is equak to about15inches of dry snow.