RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/midget

midgets

“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.”


― Jarod Kintz“I long for your love like the length of a midget.”
― Jarod Kintz,

We all long for something. Midgets long to be long, but I long to belong.
”
― Jarod Kintz,


“Come, midget, and use my pillow as a sleeping bag.
”
― Jarod Kintz,

“My penis isn’t big. It just appeared that way because the midget’s hands were so small.
”
― Jarod Kintz“


I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks to melt so I could drink it and leave, but it was like my ex wife’s heart—it was just too frigid to melt. So I called up a midget, buckled myself in on his back, and had him give me a ride home. Ah, but that’s life, no?
”
― Jarod Kintz,

“I’m 50% in love. To put that into a visual, I am a 3’ tall midget aspiring to be a 6’ tall man, with the coffee capacity of a narcoleptic camel.”
― Jarod Kintz,


“Just like wearing black makes you look thinner, wearing a midget makes you look taller.
”
― Jarod Kintz

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.


I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.


The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.

http://listverse.com/2013/05/09/10-fascinating-facts-about-soda/

Soda is big business; the combined revenues of Coca-Cola and PepsiCo alone topped 100 billion last year, a staggering feat when you consider the price point of a soft drink is only a buck or two. Arguably the most recognizable brand name in the world, Coca-Cola has become an indelible part of human culture; its history rendered into stories, myths, and urban legends that have been defined as “cokelore”.

oca-Cola alone has some 3,500 different soft drinks in its international arsenal; if you were to try one every day, it would take 9 years to sample them all (by which time there would surely be more). There are many exotic sodas to be found worldwide, particularly in Japan, which seems to have an affinity for novel beverages. Soda flavors in the land of the rising sun include: yogurt, green tea, octopus, wasabi, kimchi, cheese, cucumber, and eel, amongst others.

Lithium citrate is a mood stabilizing drug used to treat depression and bipolar disorders, sold under trade names Litarex and Demalit. Today it requires a prescription, but years ago it was a common ingredient in many medicated beverages, including “Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon Soda”. Today, we know it as 7UP (it is interesting to note that no one really knows where that name came from). It contained lithium until 1948.

The 23 ingredients that comprise Dr. Pepper have been speculated upon for decades. One of the ugly rumors spread about the soda is that it contains prune juice. While this is not in fact one of the components, the others are up for debate, but most probably include cola, vanilla, cherry, orange, caramel, and lemon amongst others. On the company’s FAQ website, the question of flavor is answered rather cryptically: “Dr. Pepper is a unique blend of 23 flavors. The exact formula for Dr. Pepper? That’s top secret proprietary stuff.”

Q: What happened when Jessica Simpson took the Coke taste test?
A: She chose JIF!

Q: What's the new Coke ad slogan?
A: "Cause sometimes they don't have Pepsi"!

Q: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of Coke?
A: He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Q: Did you hear about Coke's new soda just for blondes? A: It has "open other end" printed on the bottom.

Fuck off, Tia & Tamera.

http://biology.about.com/od/cellbiology/a/cells-facts.htm



Cells are the fundamental units of life. Whether they be unicellular or multicellular life forms, all living organisms are composed of and depend on cells to function normally. Scientists estimate that our bodies contain anywhere from 75 to 100 trillion cells. Cells do everything from providing structure and stability to providing energy and a means of reproduction for an organism.

Cells are too small to be seen without magnification.
Cells range in size from 1 to 100 micrometers. The study of cells, also called cell biology, would not have been possible without the invention of the microscope.

Eukaryotic and prokaryotic cells are the two main types of cells. Eukaryotic cells are called so because they have a true nucleus. Animals, plants, fungi and protists are examples of organisms that are composed of eukaryotic cells. Prokaryotes include bacteria and archaeans.

Prokaryotic single-celled organisms were the earliest and most primitive forms of life on earth. Prokaryotes can live in environments that would be deadly to most other organisms. They are able to live and thrive in various extreme habitats. Archaeans for example, live in areas such as hydrothermal vents, hot springs, swamps, wetlands, and even animal intestines.

There are more bacterial cells in the body than human cells. Scientists have estimated that about 95% of all the cells in the body are bacteria. The vast majority of these microbes can be found within the digetive tract.

A blonde's house catches on fire. She starts freaking out and finally calls 911. She exclaims, "my house is on fire come as fast as you can!" The operated says, "Okay, calm down and tell me how do we get to your house?", the blonde then replies arrogantly and annoyed, "Well duh, in the big red truck!"

http://biology.about.com/od/cellbiology/a/cells-facts.htm

Cells contain DNA (deoxyribonucleic acid), the genetic information necessary for directing cellular activities. DNA is a type of molecule known as a nucleic acid. In prokaryotic cells, the single bacterial DNA molecule is not separated from the rest of the cell but coiled up in a region of the cytoplasm called the nucleoid region. In eukaryotic cells, DNA molecules are located within the cell's nucleus. DNA and proteins are the major components of chromosomes. Human cells contain 23 pairs of chromosomes (for a total of 46). There are 22 pairs of autosomes (non-sex chromosomes) and one pair of sex chromosomes. The X and Y sex chromosomes determine gender.

Organelles have a wide range of responsibilities within a cell that include everything from providing energy to producing hormones and enzymes. Eukaryotic cells contain several types of organelles, while prokaryotic cells contain a few organelles (ribosomes) and none that are bound by a membrane. There are also differences between the kinds of organelles found within different eukaryotic cell types.

Most prokaryotic cells reproduce by a process called binary fission. This is a type of cloning process in which two identical cells are derived from a single cell. Eukaryotic organisms have a similar type of reproductive method known as mitosis. Some eukaryotes also have the ability to reproduce sexually, which involves the fusion of sex cells or gametes. Gametes are produced by a process called meiosis.

Tissues are groups of cells with both a shared structure and function. Cells that make up animal tissues are sometimes woven together with extracellular fibers and are occasionally held together by a sticky substance that coats the cells. Different types of tissues can also be arranged together to form organs.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-get-pregnant-fast_10337115.bc

get pregnant fast

Figure out when you ovulate
The biggest secret to getting pregnant faster is knowing when you ovulate (release an egg from your ovary). Think of the egg as a bull's-eye and the sperm as arrows. One of the arrows has to hit the bull's-eye in order for you to get pregnant. Find out when you're likely to ovulate – and boost your chances of conceiving. Since most women release an egg once each menstrual cycle, there are only a few days out of each cycle when sex can actually lead to pregnancy. Knowing when you ovulate means that you and your partner can identify the bull's-eye and then aim for it, instead of just shooting a bunch of arrows and hoping the target happens to be there.

Get busy at the right time Once you know when your egg will be released from your ovary, you can plan to have sex during your most fertile days: from three days before ovulation through the day of ovulation. You have a range of days for baby-making sex because sperm can survive for five to six days in your body. (Your egg survives for only about a day.) That means if you have sex on Monday, sperm can survive in your fallopian tubes, waiting for an egg to float by, until around Thursday – or maybe even as late as Sunday.

Lie down on the job For a long time, no one really knew whether lying on your back after sex (to prevent sperm from leaking out) would help boost the chances that a sperm would successfully reach and fertilize your egg.
Now there's reason to believe that staying horizontal can help. In 2009, researchers in Amsterdam found that women who lay flat for 15 minutes after being artificially inseminated (that is, a doctor inserted sperm into their uterus) were 50 percent more likely to get pregnant than women who got up right away after the procedure.

Enjoy the process

If you're in a rush to get pregnant, you might find yourself feeling anxious about it. While that's totally normal, you actually have a better shot at conceiving if you aren't stressed out. The hypothalamus – the gland in the brain that regulates the hormones of ovulation – doesn't function as well when you're stressed, which means you may ovulate later than usual or not at all that cycle.

Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers or briefs ?
A: You'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all

Q: What do you call a pregnancy that begins while using birth control ?
A: A misconception

Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant ?
A: Have sex just once a year

Q: What is a chastity belt ?
A: A labor-saving device

Q: When does a woman's biological clock start ticking ?
A: Right after she looks in the mirror and thinks, "On my God, crow's feet !"

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving ?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex ?
A: Childbirth

Q: Should I have a baby after 35 ?
A. No, 35 children is way too many already

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move ?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college

Some WWII-era American Military Slang:

Army strawberries: Prunes.

Ash can: Depth charge.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_vault/2013/11/11/military_slang_terms_used_by_soldiers_in_wwii.html

Beat your gums: To talk a lot about a topic.

Bedpan commando: Medical corpsman.

Behavior report: Letter to a girl.

Big wheel: “Anyone with a little authority.”

“Blow it out your barracks bag”: “Shut up! Go to hell!

Bog-pocket: Tightwad. (Glossary)

Boudoir commando: Home-front hero.

Browned off: Annoyed or fed up. (Also: Brassed off.)

BTO: “’Big time operator’—someone who thinks he is important.”

Bubble dancing: Dishwashing.

Cab happy: “’Nuts’ about driving.”

Carrier pigeon: Serviceman acting as officer’s messenger.

American joke/anecdote: Japanese and American soldiers often threw insults at each other across no man’s land. One exchange though ended in mutual laughter. ‘F***k Roosevelt!’, ‘No f***k Tojo!’, ‘No f***k, Eleanor Roosevelt.’ One American wit shouted out: ‘Oh you can have her!’

http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_vault/2013/11/11/military_slang_terms_used_by_soldiers_in_wwii.html

Cornplaster commando: Infantryman. (Dunlap)

Devil’s piano: Machine gun. (Glossary)

Dit happy: “’Batty’ because of copying too much radio code.” (Dunlap)

Dodo: “A[n Air Force] cadet before he starts flying.” (Shafer)

Gremlins: “Mythical creatures who are supposed to cause trouble such as engine failure in aeroplanes, a curious piece of whimsy-whamsy in an activity so severely practical as flying. Now the gremlin seems to be extending its sphere of operations, so that the term can be applied to almost anything that inexplicably goes wrong in human affairs.”

Gubbins: “Used to describe almost any part of the equipment of a plane, with about the same meaning as gadget.”

Egg in your beer: “Too much of a good thing.”

Eggs: Bombs.

Fish: Torpedos.

Flak: Abbreviated form of German word Fliegerabwehrkanone, or “pilot warding-off cannon” (anti-aircraft fire).

French leave: AWOL.

Fruit salad: “A number of campaign ribbons worn on the chest.”

JANFU: “Joint Army-Navy foul-up.”

Juice jerker: Electrician.

Kite: Airplane. (Also, cab.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_smoking_bans

smoking bans by country


Albania
A law went into effect on 30 May 2007 restricting smoking in closed public areas and outlawing the advertisement of tobacco, although the measure has reportedly been poorly enforced in the country.[

Andorra
Since 2004, smoking is prohibited in government buildings, educational facilities, hospitals, enclosed sport facilities and buses. In 2010, an increase in restrictions at restaurants, bars, and workplaces was under discussion. Andorra introduced a smoking ban in all public places on 13 December 2012. However, an exemption was made for bars and restaurants, allowing special smoking rooms so long as they fulfill strict conditions: such as not serving food and drink.

Argentina
A 2006 smoking ban in Buenos Aires city prohibits smoking in public areas including bars and restaurants except if the bar is more than 100 m2 where it is possible to provide an area for smoking customers. Similar bans in other Argentine cities require bigger establishments to provide a separate, contained area for smoking customers.Argentina introduced a ban on smoking in all public places on 1 June 2011.

Bahrain
Bahrain outlawed smoking in public places on 27 February 2008. People can still smoke in Private areas, such as your home/ balcony of apartment