RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Fortress of Awesome Chat Uschi

Another summer bunny cryin' in his soup.

Jesus fucking christ you remember what minor charecters in books you arn't particularly fond of are wearing?

As for people. In general I have almost nothing in common any more with general society.

I have become quite the hermet these past four years. After my ordeal with caring for my grandparents which was about 2 years I hardly left the apartment I shared with my friends. EVER.

That was another year separated from the masses.

Then another 4 or five months before I found a job after I moved into my current apartment.

And now it's either work or home.

I try my damdest to avoid groups, crowds and the like.

I just don't relate to people.

This and the DCMB are the only real link to people I havn't given up on.

I know it's sad.

Speaking of my Grandparents, yesturday was the two year anniversery of the death of my grandmother and the end of my obligation.

The end of the two years when my grandparents both came down with cancer about the same time. My Grandfather Renal cancer which shut down his kidneys and grew tumors the size of golf balls and grapefriuts in his body and put him on dyalisis THREE fucking times a week AND confined him too his bed AND ground his body down to nothing. My grandmother breast and bone cancer .

My Grandmother had a great combination.

Add her breast cancer and bone cancer to devoloping parkinsons disease and a pinced nerve in her neck you get a nice long painful ugly dehumanizing death.

Then they were middle class so guess what? Horrible health care options. YEA!

Too much money to qualify for help paying for a live in nurse to take care of them and not poor but not enough money to be able to pay for live in healthcare themselves without it leaving them destitute.

Enter the 21 year old boy with very little or no help from anyone but his two friends and his girlfriend to save the fucking day.

So I took care of them.

Everything a nurse would do. Except when it came to my grandmothers hygene that I need help.

Their blood, vomit, piss, and shit were all mine to wade knee deep through.

Changing my grandfathers diapers he needed because due to the cancer he could no longer feel when he need to go. Bathing and changing him. Lifting him in and out of the wheelchair . I had to catheterize him.

My grandmother required many, many medications. Including insulin shots for diabitis.

Both had special diets.

Had to be housekeeper and cook.

All on my shoulders. My family decided that since I had stepped up to the plate they could go back about thier own lives as if nothing were happening after all the 21 year old boy was taking care of things.

They looked on any plea for help from me as an inconvienance. So I became inclined to ASK less and less.

Chapter 3: And it all came tumbling down.

Fast forward to three days before the 99 or 2000 survivor series.

The van arrives that brought my grandfather to and from dialysis three times a week. The guy in the van wheels my Grandfather in and he says there is a problem and that he believes my Grandfather had been over dialisysized or whatever. He wanted to know If I wanted him to get an ambulance. Looking at the driver and my Grandfather I knew the real deal.

Call an Ambulance and he gets another month to live or dies in a hospital.

Don't call an Ambulance he dies at home, now.

I chose hope and brought the Ambulance.

Why not? At the time my Grandmother was admitted there recovering from pnumonia.

They even broght her down to the emergancy room on a gurny so she could see him just in case things took a turn for the worst.

I watched from across the room as two people who I loved very, very much and had spent the last 60 + years of thier lives going through thick and thin together hold hands perhaps for the last time.

They finally stabalized my grandfather enough to admit him into the oncology ward just two rooms away from my grandmother where he quietly passed on the next day. Three days before Thanksgiving.

When my Grandmother came home from the hospital things wern't the same. She was very depressed and the house started to feel very empty. Altough the pnumoina was good everything else came back worse probably due to her sadness and loss.

We got along as best we could through february and at the beginning of march my Aunt Linda came to visit Grandma and give me a short but long needed break.

Which brings us to 11:30 ish Pm March 7th.

I had just come home from bowling I hadn't been out in weeks. Walking through the house I walk by the Bathroom and see the door partly open and my Grandmother in there struggling with her clothing and her breath.

Thank God my girlfriend and future fiancee was staying there that night. My grandmother hadn't made it to the bathroom in time because of the fact she could hardly breath. My Aunt Linda asleep grandma sruggled into the bathroom by herself.

My girlfriend was kind enough to give her a good bath and get her back to bed comfotably. Also seemingly able to breath much better.

The next morning her breathing problrm started up again so we rushed her to the emergancy room where she was rushed in and hooked up to monitors and oxygen. My parents arrived to the emergancy room from thier jobs and we all took turns visiting grandma in the emergancy ward where only two of us were allowed at a time.

Or so we thought. I'll get back to that.

During one of my shifts in the ward I notice that the numbers on the monitor hooked up to my grandmother dropping stedily and surely.

So I ask a nurse.

I asked " Are those numbers supposed to be dropping like that?"

"Didn't anyone tell you?" She said " She's dying. This is it"

See the nurse had told Aunt Linda that and said we all could wait in there with my grandmother but it failed to sink in with Aunt Linda and therefore Aunt Linda never told us what the skinny was.

In less than a minute after the nurse told me that my grandmother was dead.

I got a front row seat.

I tell you these things not to pat myself on the back mainly because I don't even think I deserve it.

Many people who loved my grandparents and knew what was going on all said I did a saintfull selfless act. I keep getting told I did a wonderful job but I still feel like shit.

I was 21 -23 years old in the prime of my life feeling young, powerfull and almost damn near immortal but I compare it to Superman the movie what Clark says in the seen after Jonathen Kent dies " I can do all these things, But I couldn't save them" was all I thought.

I keep thinking of how it was something everyone would do nothing special and realized I was wrong.

It has taken me a long time to recover. A long time but fuck, now everyday bullshit is nothing to me. All the little shit that we think is just such a horrible burden on our lives just ain't shit. Alll that matters is is that I am alive. Here today and able to enjoy it. Everything else is butter.

PS:The day my grandfather died was also the day of the Survior Series and the day before I got the results of the AIDS test I took.

The test came out negative of course.

I still remain slightly haunted. Sometimes I get flashes reminding me off blood, vomit and catheters but life goes on.

Why I choose to lay this all out here I don't know. I seem to post this shit somewhere once a year about this time.

Forgive my spelling and thank you for reading.

Hey, props to you, man. You're a better person than I would have been. I knew someone like that once. He had dialysis (sp) three times a week, absolutely riddled with infections, broken organs and all that stuff. I brought him burritos once and took some photos of him and his dogs together, but he died before they got developed. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to have that happen to someone close. The fact that you were able to take that kind of responsability awes me. It's nice to know that people like you exist. I'm pretty sure you don't want or need to hear this, but you're a hero, Jake.

As for remembering what characters wear... what can I say? I'm a girl. It's genetic.

And I know what you mean about the hermit business. I'm 100% socially inept. Completely incapable of forming relationships. I had a best friend once though. He's coming to visit tomorrow. That should prove interesting.

Hey, have a good night. And feel good about yourself. You're a highly decent person.

Hey. Last night a good buddy of mine brought by the Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy BBC mini series on DVD last night.

If you haven't seen it productions values weren't the greatest but it was decent.

It's the writing that made it good. :)

Zaphod's second head was godawful.

And Marvin as always was very depressed.

I almost forgot how many times Marvin was called upon to make " The Ultimate sacrifice.

It falls apart at the end when they try to cram a bunch of Resturant At the End of The Universe in.

Quite a while ago ( Before Douglas Adams even died) there were talks of a new Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy movie being made.

I wish I knew what was going on with that.

I know Terry Jones of Monty Python fame was working on the screenplay with Adams.

I can only hope he brought in Terry Gilliam ( Twelve Monkeys, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Time Bandits ) to direct the film. He does really great bizzare work on a really large scale.

If your interested in seeing a Gilliam movie I recommened Time Bandits if only for David Warner's performance as "Evil".

Disclamer: Don't rent this film if you are totally freaked out by midgets, Python member cameos, and Sean Connery Cameos.

...actually, having just re-read some of your woes, I empathise: my mum died of cancer so I know some of what you're talking about. You did your best, which is all you could do.

On a plus side being pritty much stuck in the house all day long I re discovered comic & action figure collecting which I plan to continue for quite a while.

Cancer does horrible things to your body.

I remember cleaning out the house and running into a hope chest filled with old photographs and the comparisons to what you remember they were like at the end are startling.

And that catheter is some nasty buisiness too.

There is no gracefull way to do that shit.

Told you flat out?? Fucked up!

He is the sociopath and YOU get mauled by psych analysts.

That just ain't right.

I'm not trying to be funny either.

Is he bald? I hope he's bald.

If he's not bald I hope he goes bald.

That's about all I bring myself to wish on people as far as disease goes.

Otherwise I wish he realizes the error of his ways in a horrible epihany that leaves him riddled in guilt and self hate for the rest of a long life so he has a good long fucking time to think about how he fucked what really should matter.

I can do the eyebrow AND the Billy Idol lip curl.

This is becoming a very serious conversation. Catheters aren't much fun.

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Originally posted by Uschi:

quote:

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He sounds alright to me.

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Whatever. He's the reason I had to go to psychologists and the mental institute. Or that's what my psychologist told my mom was the trouble. The reason he was so high up in his job was because he was a workaholic. My whole life he'd tell me flat out, "I don't love you." But he hung around. My mom thought he was a spiffy guy. Three days before he got fired he told us, "If I had to chose between my job and my family, I'd chose work." Ironic, eh? He's sociopathic and hates women with a passion. Too bad he had four daughters, right? He said when he refused the out-of-state job that he wanted to try to build relationships with all of us, that he was going to change. Yeah. That SO didn't even START to happen. So, no. He's not an 'alright' guy. He's a fucking bastard who won't go away.

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I've got a meeting in 20 minutes to discuss a lingerie deal, of all things.... but what happened? Not taking a job elsewhere for your family - or to mend bridges with your family - sounds like a pretty good thing to me.

Sounds like if he didn't want to move for another reason he would have just said so.

So that suggests he meant it. So what happened? Who lost momentum? Did both you and he fail to take the initiative?Opportunities to make amends with your relatives - especially your dad - are something which you really can't afford to lose. I was talking about my mum.... I used to curse her when she was alive, but it all seems a bit pointless and stupid now she's dead. I just had a daughter. She'll never meet our daughter. Shit, I'll never get to argue with her again. I miss arguing with her. I'd never have guessed that.

If my mother was alive, I'd take her out to lunch and bitch to her about something. I'd love to see her again.

Anyway, you might find your perspective changes as time moves on. I'm not going to make any suggestions on what you should or shouldn't do, because its none of my business, but you might want to think about it.

I can do the eyebrow, but not the lip curl.

Got to go- ciao.

Trust me I am betting quite a few people have quite a few problems of thier own over at the DCMB.

" Hey, You forgot my fucking briefcase!"

Robert Duvall was the shining point of that film.

Speaking of good books (yes my mind works that way), have you ever read ..oh fuck. The name escapes me. Well, I haven't read it yet, but it looks so cool. I read a chapter of it in a short-story class... It's some sort of Socialist Utopia. Everyone is artificially handicapped to make everyone the same. Brave New World, that's the name. I need to get that someday.

Oh, or Johnny Got His Gun. Read that? Beauty writing.

Sweetness!

My mom just told me about this new job that came in (she's a graphic designer/publisher). One of the city busses needs something for the side. She's going to pay me and use one of my photographs for it! And it'll have my copyright on it! My name's going to be on a bus (in a GOOD way this time! :lol: )

heya uschi!

welcome aboard

just as a heads up to ya, this particular forum can get kinda... weird. more serious conversations get more respect in the deep thoughts forum. if you want, i could move this whole thing in there, so's you could finish with the lower probability of being interupted.

but its yer choice, completely!

Hi Rob. I'm cool either way I'll leave it up to Uschi.

Besides my more serious thoughts are few and far between.

BTW thanks for looking out for a dude.

Serious... Off-Topic... It don't matter! It's cool here, I don't really care. It's offensive though, ain't it? Hmm. Does 'ain't' have an apostrophy? I'd look it up but it isn't a word...

Besides, the 'serious' forum seems to be usurped by War talk. Living in Colorado Springs (home of an Air Force base, USAF Academy, NORAD, ... I could go on. Really.) I get enough talk like that already. I try to avoid it on the internet. Like the plague.

Plus i'm not being too serious anymore.

Oh, hey. Rob, you reminded me! I got rear-ended today. Only for me it was by a car.

now thats disgusting.

i'd heard the legends, but... seriously bro....

We were short handed at work today so they brought in a small ugly fat smelly man from another store.

He made up for it by being obnoxious.

It takes alot to get me actully truly pissed off.

I never wanted to monkey stomp someone in my whole life.

I almost did.

I would probably feel guilty afterward being as he was the one who has to go through life like that.

He would probably tell me not to worry about because do to un gentlemenly behavior people tend to punch him in the head alot.

Work was quite awesome though today. I work on commision so sales means comics.

Plus rent and food.

Maybe a new toy for cats.

If anyone needs a mental picture of fat ugly dude he looked like Gwildor slept with what Kelly Lebrock turned Chet into in Weird Science.

Now there are two kinds of people sitting here reading this.

Those who have no clue who the fuck Gwildor is and those who do and should probably never admit it.

The cats definately need a new toy the shotgun shell I gave them keeps getting stuck under the Baseboard heaters.

Shit, you had to take the bus? How bad did your car get fucked up?

Oh NO. No no no. I take the bus to school. UCCS has, like, ZERO parking so I put my car down at a designated sports complex and ride the shuttle/bus. It's a bus that goes back and forth from campus to cars all day long. My car is basically fine. I need the bumper replaced because the styrofoam or whatever's inside gets crushed, but there isn't even a big scratch. I love my Saturn.

Good grief.

Good grief.

dave the lawyer, you blockhead!

Grief good!

frankenstein's monster, you blockhead!

My head is more of an obelisk than a block.

Since when does Rob try to Flame????

It's time for the man, Rez, to get in on this action.
But I'll wait until the flames continue before I step in.

BTW, I ripped a slew of IMDB board goers over the past few days. I enjoyed trouncing them very much.

frankenstein's monster the lawyer, you obeliskhead!