RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW RDCW Havok: The Return!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah baby!

Oops, I mean

We come back from commercial to see King Snarf standing in the ring!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! It's great to be back! Now, tonight, I'm sure you want to see some slam bang action between me and Sammitch! You want to see high spots, stiff shots, and, to be precise a flat out brawl! *pop from the audience* Well, one thing I can promise you is that tonight, unlike those other wrestling shows, you'll see a decisive winner! No bullshit endings like the ref throwing the match out. No, you'll see a undisputed winner, I promise you! And I can guaran-damn-tee that, because tonight... I forfeit. *crowd boos* My reasons are my own. So Sammitch, enjoy the victory! *King Snarf winks at the camera with faux sincerity.* And just to reiterate, you fans do NOT get the privilege of seeing me wrestle tonight, and if you're not down with that, I got two words for ya....














That's unfortunate.

Marcum: Jeez Louise! He can't even end it in a catchy fashion!

*King Snarf leaves the Cheesedome amidst crowd boos*

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EVIL NEVER DIES

*King Snarf heads for the doors, but finds his way blocked by security.

Snarf: What is this piffle? I demand that you step aside!

Security Guard: Sorry, pal. We're under orders that you are not to leave the Cheesedome until after your match.

Snarf: Orders? What orders? From whom?

Security Guard: From the new GM.

Snarf: New GM?

*as if on cue , Dr. William Paragon walks into the frame.

Paragon: That's right, my boy. The new general manager of the RDCW. . .Me. Dr. William Paragon. Now not only are you NOT forfeiting your match against Captain Sammitch, you are NOT leaving the Cheesedome until after said match! Guards, escort Queen Snarf to his locker room and keep him there until match time!

*Two of the guards grab Snarf by the arms and begin marching him away. Snarf doesn't resist in keeping with his attempts to be as lame as possible.

Snarf: This is not over, Paragon. I will ruin the RDCW. Oh yes, I will. . .

*We come back from commercial to see King Snarf proceeding through an exit.*

Monroe: What?!? I thought he was escorted to the locker rooms?!?

*King Snarf is approached by someone who looks like Jimmy Olsen.*

Random Jimmy Olsen doppleganger: Hiya King Snarf! That look-a-like you hired just got nabbed by some security mooks and the new head honcho.

King Snarf: Uh, thanks. Here's two bits, youngster. Go buy yourself some Bazooka Joe.

RJOD: Jeepers! Thanks, mister!

*King Snarf exits the Cheesedome, flags down a taxi, and leaves for the evening.*

<King Snarf relaxes in the back of the cab, rather pleased with himself...>

Cabbie: <without turning around, in heavy Pakistandianabic accent> Are you are paying to riding somewhere sir?

KS: Whaaaaaaaaaa?

Cabbie: My cab is not sofa sir! You get inside, you pay, I drive! This okay?

KS: Yeah, sure. Take me home.

Cabbie: Yes very well, sir!

<The cab begins to pull away and around the Cheesedome...>

KS: Those chumps thought they could tell me what to do. That's rich! Lookit these clothes! You think I let anyone tell me what to wear? Lookit!

<The cabbie doesn't turn, only nods...>

KS: Anyway, get on the turnpike and head... Hey! Aren't yo ugoing to pull out of the parking lot?

Cabbie: What are you saying sir? <In addition to his accent, the unimaginably bushy mustache and beard and ginormous aviators worn by the cab driver further obscure his speech, not to mention his face...>

KS: I didn't even tell you where to go yet! You're just driving in circles around the Cheesedome!

<no response...>

KS: I'm paying you money to drive me home!

<no response...>

KS: I'm PAYING YOU MONEY to... you know what? Screw this. You're creeping me out. I'll just take the bus. Let me out!

<Obligingly, the cabbie pulls the car up to a service entrance and stops. Snarf tries the handle but it won't open from the inside...>

KS: What the hell?

Cabbie: Very sorry sir! I am having child lock so people are not jumping out of my cab before they are paying me money fare! <unfastens seat belt...> I will come and let you out sir!

<King Snarf waits impatiently as the rather large driver hops out and walks around to the door. The driver opens the door and offers a hand to help Snarf out, which he predictably refuses. Undeterred, the driver grabs a fistful of Snarf's shirt and yanks him bodily out of the cab...>

KS: Hey! What the? Do you have any idea who you're...

<The driver pins Snarf against the cab with one beefy arm and with the other, peels off the aviators and fake facial hair to reveal...>

KS: CHEWY WALRUS!!!

<The trunk inexplicably opens from the inside and Killconey emerges. Chewy secures Snarf's arms with his unwrapped turban as Killconey grabs the legs of the furious King Snarf...>

KS: You can't do this to me! I WAS THE GREATEST CHAMPION IN THE HISTORY OF THE RDCW!

<The pair make their way into the service entrance carrying Snarf...>

KS: If you think you can just manhandle me like this and make me wrestle, you've got another thing coming!

<Chewy and Killconey travel down the tunnel, through the backstage door, and into the arena to the cheers of the fans...>

Marcum: Lookit this! They got King Snarf!

Monroe: Snarf certainly doesn't look very regal at the moment!

<Still lugging King Snarf like so much luggage, Chewy and Killconey parade him down the ramp as AC/DC's TNT continues playing in the Cheesedome...>

Llawler: Well, I doubt he was ever master of his domain anyway! I can tell, you know!

Fat Retard: SLOBBERKNOCKER!

<Reaching the apron in front of the announcer's table, the pair finally unties King Snarf's hands and unceremoniously dumps him to the arena floor. Snarf looks at a rather expensive-looking pair of Italian shoes, then looks up to see Doc Paragon with a bemused smirk on his face...>

DP: Thank you, gentlemen. Excellent performance, Mister Walrus.

CW: Acting!

DP: Now, where were we? Oh, yes. I believe you have a match tonight! And while your repeated attempts to weasel out of said match are pathetically amusing, once you've booked an appointment, there's no cancellation policy in the Cheesedome!

<Huge pops from the crowd...>

DP: Now, thanks to the generosity of our commentators and these two enforcers, I believe you have a seat saved at the announcers' table here at ringside... where you will remain until such time as your match against Captain Sammitch is about to begin.

KS: But... but... what if I have to go???

Llawler: I gotta bottle with your name on it, big boy!

KS:

<Pops... music... fade... aweshome...>

Good bit there, Chris Oakley.

Don't hate the King 'cause he broke up you and Meeko...

Oh, so it's coincidence that they broke up just as we were cooking up a Sammitch/ Meeko/ Snarf love triangle storyline???











































































Actually, it probably is.

who was cooking up that storyline? nobody ever said anything about it to me. . .

Oh, this was a while back.... I think PenWing may've been the one to suggest it first.

huh. weird.

PenWing is a cunt!

He wasn't always... I think he's nursing a broken heart. He was never the same after you toyed with his emotions, Nowie.....

While I am insulting him, I'm leaving you alone so you are better off staying quiet on the subject!

Shuttin' up now.

Fuck off!

She's a woman, Snarf; so it is automatically understood that there is no romantic or sexual interest in you.

Plus she is only really interested in herself!

"Did" being the operative word here!

Family Feud Battle Royal

Banditoshu, his wife, Chris Oakley, Nuriko, and Letrienne were all eliminated from this bout early on as the Oakleys, Mopius', and Murtazins fought for control!

The Murtazins would not make it however, as Banditoshu continued his shenanigans at ringside, eliminating them one by one, until Murtazin had enough and did a suicide dive on his nemesis! Murtazin and Banditoshu brawled up the rampway and Murtazin challenged Banditoshu to a one on one bout next week!

Back in the ring the Oakleys and Mopius' continued brawling but nothing was settled as both families fought out of the ring and through the Cheesedome crowd. Officials attempted to restore order to no avail. As they fought in the crowd, the backstage area, the locker rooms, and the parking lot.

Senior official Lothar was forced to rule the bout a no contest. New GM Doc Paragon then declared that the Oakleys and Mopius' would do battle again next week in a Hardcore Family Feud match!

Damn fucking skippy.
That Murtazin homo is gonna get whats coming to him.

Banitoshu is a badass mofo!

Yeah.

women.

Que?

always keep you guessing

37?

Fuck off!

In the ass!

Tag Team Match – Masked Avengers vs. Chewy Walrus and Killconey


<The lights in the Cheesedome come up and the Masked Avengers make their way to the ring…>

Monroe: Well, here we go! We’re about to find out who’s rusty after all that down time and who’s ready to wrestle!

Marcum: These guys look pretty ready to me, Mike Monroe!

Llawler: You can say that again!

Fat Retard: Alacrity!

Marcum: Did he just say alacrity???

Monroe: Let it go…

King Snarf: I wanna go home…

<AC/DC’s ‘TNT’ blares throughout the Cheesedome, and the crowd leaps to their feet as Chewy Walrus and Killconey make their way to the ring, accompanied by Sweet Marlene…>

Monroe: Looks like the crowd has been looking forward to these guys!

Snarf: Yeah, we’ll see how loud they’re cheering after the match…

<James White rings the bell to start the match. Brad Lee starts off against Chewy Walrus and puts up a pretty good fight, but before long Chewy wears him down with close-range poundings and tags Killconey in. Brad handles Killconey a little more easily and gets him on the ropes early, but when he tries to grapple him for The Three Deaths, Killconey manages to escape and tags Chewy back in. Assessing the situation, Brad returns to his corner and tags in Archer…>

Monroe: Looks like a pretty even match so far…

Fat Retard: Parsimonious!

Llawler: And I didn’t even know I could be creeped out!

Snarf: This match is boring! Not a cheap shot or low blow to be seen anywhere! <Snarf gets out of his seat and starts to head for the ramp but finds it blocked off by Paragon’s security detail. He looks around the perimeter of the floor and sees security blocking off all the exits…> Damn! I suppose I’m stuck here…

<In the ring, Archer and Chewy Walrus are slugging it out pretty hard. Archer has a speed advantage over the bigger Chewy, so Chewy attempts to back Archer into a corner. Brad Lee is standing on the apron watching intently until Snarf sneaks up from behind and yanks Brad down by one leg. Brad tumbles to the arena floor as Snarf bounds away, cackling with glee. He makes it about halfway down the ring before bumping into Killconey, and the two fall over in a tangle of limbs. Slow to get up, Brad Lee doesn’t see Snarf right away, and assumes it was Killconey who yanked him off the apron. He charges over and starts duking it out with the smaller Killconey as Snarf slinks away…>

Monroe: And we’ve got some commotion at ringside! Killconey and Brad Lee are fighting outside the ring while Chewy Walrus and Archer are battling it out in the ring!

<Snarf, looking very pleased with himself, turns his attention to the action in the ring. Chewy flings Archer into the ropes, but Archer manages to duck under the Walrus Wallop and regroups in his corner. Catching his breath, he doesn’t notice Snarf sneaking up behind him in an attempt to pull him out of the ring until Snarf gets ahold of one of Archer’s feet. Archer spins around and kicks his leg free, even managing to kick Snarf in the chest and knock him back. Distracted, he turns around just in time to be caught off balance by the Walrus Tusk!>

Monroe: BUHGAWB!

<Caught off guard and unable to catch the ropes to break his fall, Archer slams into the post behind him, the back of his head rebounding sharply off it. As Chewy gets to his feet, Archer rolls over, clearly concussed. He attempts to get to his feet but collapses and tumbles out of the ring…>

Marcum: He could be out cold!

Llawler: Just the way I like ‘em!

<Chewy turns around and sees Brad Lee pummeling Killconey outside the ring. He heads that way to intervene, but Snarf intercepts him with a kidney punch from behind! The shot barely fazes Chewy, though, who spins around and shoves Snarf back, then comes after him…>

Monroe: And we’ve got mayhem at ringside!

<Chewy and Snarf slug it out as Killconey attempts to defend himself from Brad’s onslaught, while the apparently unconscious Archer lies just outside the ring, unmoving. Lothar starts counting to ten…>

Marcum: There’s nobody even in the ring!

<Sure enough, Lothar gets all the way to ten and signals for the bell!>

James White: Ladies and gentlemen, the match has been declared a draw due to a double ring-out.

<The crowd boos, clearly unhappy with the derailment of the match…>

Marcum: King Snarf did it! He busted up the match!

Monroe: The former heavyweight champion could be following through on his promise to ‘make the RDCW lame’!

<Security breaks up the fighting at ringside and hauls Snarf back to his seat between Llawler and Fat Retard. Brad Lee goes to check on Archer, who seems to be coming to. Chewy Walrus and Killconey angrily storm up the ramp and out of the arena. King Snarf simply looks on, beaming with pride at his handiwork…>

Monroe: A pitched tag battle erupts into ringside brawling and ends in a double-disqualification! How will these four men settle what has to be some serious bad blood between them? Stay tuned!

<Fade to black…>

Heavyweight Match: King Snarf vs. Captain Sammitch


King Snarf: Finally!

Llawler: But we were having so much fun!

KS: Yeah, whatever. It’s go time!

<Without music or announcement, Snarf makes his way to the ring amid boos from almost the entire crowd. He drinks in the hatred and smiles as he takes a bow…>

Monroe: This crowd is not very happy with King Snarf since he interfered with the tag match just before the ad break!

Marcum: He’s just doing what he does best! That’s why he’s gonna be champion again before too long!

<The lights in the Cheesedome dim and the music starts, very faintly. As it grows into the guitar hook from Boston’s Peace of Mind, Captain Sammitch appears at the top of the ramp and the crowd goes ballistic…>

Monroe: And making his first appearance in the new RDCW, it’s none other than Captain Sammitch!

<Sammitch makes his way down the ramp and acknowledges the crowd. He steps into the ring and eyes King Snarf coldly. James White rings the bell, and the match begins…>

Marcum: Here we go!

Fat Retard: Resplendent!

Monroe:

<The wrestlers circle the ring. Captain Sammitch is watching intently for King Snarf to make the first move. But King Snarf seems to just be idly circling the ring, almost taunting him, refusing to rush in for the opening lock-up…>

Marcum: Looks like Snarf doesn’t wanna wrestle!

Llawler: He’s a lover, not a fighter!

Monroe: Earlier tonight, King Snarf attempted to leave the building and ditch out on this match. It took Chewy Walrus and Killconey bodily dragging him back into the arena to even get him into the ring. But it might be just as hard to get him to wrestle now that he’s in there!

<Sure enough, Chewy Walrus and Killconey appear at the top of the ramp and make their way to the ring. Snarf sees them out of the corner of his eye and tenses. Finally he charges at Sammitch and attempts to lock him up…>

Monroe: Thank. You!

<Sammitch breaks Snarf’s initial grapple before Snarf can apply the headlock. When Snarf locks Sammitch up again, Sammitch reverses and delivers two Sammitch Suplexes before getting back to his feet. As the combatants continue fighting, Sammitch keeps Snarf at arm’s length with quick, sharp martial-arts strikes…>

Marcum: Sammitch doesn’t want the headlock!

Monroe: Captain Sammitch is adjusting his game plan and forcing Snarf to use some actual moves!

<Snarf still won’t crack. He keeps angling for the headlock until Sammitch leg-sweeps him to the mat. Something seems to snap, and Snarf jumps to his feet and comes out swinging!>

Marcum: Lookit this!

<Reverting to his old moveset, Snarf puts a surprised Captain Sammitch on the ropes with some old-fashioned brawling. Sammitch fights his way out of the corner, and the two commence beating the crap out of each other…>

Monroe: I don’t think anybody expected to see this!

<Suddenly, Brad Lee appears at the top of the ramp and rushes down toward the ring. Shoving security aside, he tries to slip past Killconey and Chewy Walrus…>

Marcum: What’s this? What’s Brad Lee doing back out here?

<In the ring, King Snarf and Captain Sammitch are almost evenly matched. Sammitch gets in another leg-sweep, but Snarf rolls away and hops up across the ring against the ropes. But before Sammitch can come after him, Snarf is yanked out of the ring from behind by Brad Lee!>

Monroe: Brad Lee is attempting to exact some revenge!

<Doc Paragon, flanked by additional security, charges down the ramp. He signals for the bell, and James White obligingly rings it…>

James White: Ladies and gentlemen, the match has been declared a draw due to a double disqualification!

Monroe: Buhgawb!

Marcum: Another no-decision?!?

<Paragon, clearly furious, takes the mic from James White and proceeds to speak. . .>

DP: "Now all night long, I've had to keep an eye on Snarf's shenanigans just to ensure that the RDCW delivered on it's promised matchups to the fans! Now not only have we not had a winner in our opening tag match, but the participants in that match have seen fit to make their way down and involve themselves in this match as well!

Gentlemen, since the six of you can't seem to stay separate from each other, we're going to settle this the way we did it in my day! Next week on Havok, it's going to be a six man tag match! King Snarf and the Masked Avengers vs. Captain Sammitch, Chewy Walrus, and Killconey!"

The crowd erupts as Snarf and Brad eye each other warily. Sammich, Chewy, & KC are pumped, and high five each other as they head up the rampway to the back.

DP: "Oh, and one more thing, gentlemen. If any of you are considering not showing up for next week's match, you will be considered in breach of contract, and not only will you be terminated, but you will also find yourselves on the wrong side of a lawsuit!"

Paragon leaves the ring as the crowd erupts again. Snarf and Brad Lee slowly make separate exits, watching each other closely.

*suicidal tendancies blares thru the cheesedome*



*ghost hog starts to walk slowly to the ring, white hooded robe pulled down over his face* making his way to the ring slowly*



fr: sternum!!!!!! slobberknocker and sternum!!!!!!!!!





mouth: this is going to look good marcum, ghost hog, we all remember pig iron, but is this ghost hog going to have the same mentality, what is he going to do, is he going over the top rope tonight, most important fat retard is drooling over there, can we get his fat ass a bib?



marcuM: we'll have to wait n see mouth, can't wait to see how this match plays out. Most importantly, where's Schwarz? We need some good ol' RDCW Hottie action!



*ghost hog makes it to the ring and rolls in signaling for a mic*



GH: " BPT. I think I know what that stands for. yeah, I'm not a genius, but I'm pretty damn smart. It's not big is it? Nah, wait yeah-he's a big one. The T, yeah I think that's Tim. The P though, Hmmmm. P is for punk, nah that's too anarchist. P, hmmm, Poetic, nahhhh that's too Maudlin. P, P, pain in the ass-nah, that's too straight-forward. Wait, I know...meowwwwwww, the P stands for ...."



*another one bites the dust starts to play, cutting thru whatever ghost was saying,

ghost hog gets ready seeing bpt running straight to the ring*



fr: buh gawd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



mouth: looks like bpt is ready to get this one going



marcuM: that's right, LOOK!



*ghost hog and bpt are trading big right hands, back and forth with the crowd reacting to each closed fist.*



mouth: look at those right hands, that's how you start a match!



*ghost hog drops to a knee after bpt last right hand, after a few more shots to the face ghost hog low blows bpt dropping him to the canvas*



marcuM: that's why ghost hog is going to win this.



*ghost hog is stomping on bpt then goes to the top rope*



mouth: it seems a little early for the top, the slaughterhouse could end it early.



*bpt is up and running to the ropes dropping ghost hog down and then to the floor outside, bpt follows him out and picks up a steel chair, folding it and then nailing ghost hog in the face as he is standing up*



marcuM: it's over, ghost hog wins, i told you he would.

mouth: ghost hog may have won, but it looks like it's not over.



*bpt hits ghost hog again as krazed and j run to the down into the cheesedome. bpt tossing gh into the ring and continuing to go after a gh*



mouth: he's busted open marcum, this is. . .where did this come from?

marcuM: ghost hog is trying to fight back, look!



*gh throws a few weak punches but is knocked flat when j and krazed start to stomp him down with bpt, krazed picks him up throwing him to the ropes where j catches him with the ridgesword!!!*



mouth: look, it's shwartz, she shouldn't be here for this!

marcum: fat retard's drooling again!

Monroe: His ass fell asleep!



*bpt immediatly corners her as she gets into the ring taunting her, looking her up and down, while she looks at gh. watching j set gh up for the klincher. krazed hits it when bpt. bpt lets shwartz watch as he picks up gh and tosses him over the top rope, barely able to hear him saying bitch...top rope over the crowd roaring*





mouth: he threw him over the top rope. gh back, and thrown over the top rope like a bitch in his first match.



marcuM: i don't think he'll like that much.



*krazed and j leave, bpt stopping long enough to give shwatz a slap on the ass, and gesturing to come with them. she looks frightened, looking down at ghost hog, but watches as the west side rollers leave *

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