RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Havok-Rage Against the Paragon

*More Human than Human" plays during Havok's opening montage and we see the T & Angels dancing in the ring as Mike Monroe's voice welcomes us to Havok.

Monroe: Fans, our main event this week, Ghost Hog has challenged the general manager of the RDCW to a match! That's right, Doc Paragon will step into the ring this week with the Hog of War!

MarcuM: And he'll be crying Havok by the end of the night for sure!

Monroe: But also, due to last week's events, Joe Mama has been named the special referee for this match!

MarcuM: It's just more of Paragon's conspiracies against Ghost Hog!

Monroe: Keep drinking that Kool-Aid, Madman.

MarcuM: That's my curvac-I mean water!

Monroe: Let's go to the ring!

Main Event
Ghost Hog vs. Doc Paragon
Ref: Joe Mama

Grudge Match
Grimm vs. El Superbeasto

Tag Match
Chewy & KC vs. English Bastards

RDCW Tryouts
Jade Dragon vs. Pecos Pleather Pete

Hotties Tag Match
Meeko/Sweet Marlene vs. Schwartz/Grace

THE CHEESEDOME GOES DARK AS THE CHEESE-O-TRON TAKES US TO A VIEW OF TWO MEN STANDING IN FRONT OF A CAMERA IN A SMALL ROOM - WE'RE NOT SURE WHERE. ONE MAN CAN BE RECOGNIZED AS THE JADE DRAGON, IN HIS GREEN MASK AND GREEN RING GEAR. THE OTHER IS A SMALL ASIAN MAN IN A DARK SUIT. THE SMALL MAN LOOKS INTO THE CAMERA AND BEGINS:

MAN: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I am Jin Qing Zhi, and I speak for Jade Dragon.

MARCUM: With that accent?

MONROE: That sure won't offend anyone, Madman!

JIN: We are in undisclosed location not far away. We come to you over camera instead of in arena for protection of Balls Nasty.

MARCUM:

MONROE: Did he mean for protection from Balls Nasty or for protection of Balls Nasty?

MARCUM: Don't be silly, Mike Monroe! Why would Balls Nasty need protection from him?

JIN CHECKS HIS NOTES AND CONTINUES:

JIN: Mister Nasty, we know you interfere with other R-D-C-W Tryout matches before. We recommend you do not interfere with this one. I do not think you want to risk unnecessary injury.

MARCUM: Is this guy for real???

MONROE: He certainly seems to think so.

JIN: On behalf of Jade Dragon, I would like to say greetings to viewers of R-D-C-W. We are looking forward to this opportunity to prove the skill and strength of Jade Dragon in your arena. Jade Dragon demonstrated in traveling exhibition that he has very great skill of body and mind.

MARCUM: So by definition, does that make him a sideshow freak?

THE CAMERA PANS OVER TO JADE DRAGON:

JIN: You have already seen that skill, last week. Some say it was only against weak opponent, but the journey of thousand miles must begin with single step. More steps are coming, and those who underestimate the skill of Jade Dragon may find the lesson they learn painful. Jade Dragon combines blinding speed of tae kwon do with crushing power of muay thai and defensive mastery of jiu jitsu. One of these is enough to defeat many opponents. All three together make Jade Dragon very dangerous.

MARCUM: I'm shaking in my boots! I'm sure Balls Nasty is terrified as well!

JIN: We hope you enjoy tonight's Tryout match as well as the rest of tonight's show. Thank you for your time.

THE CHEESE-O-TRON FADES OUT AND THE LIGHTS COME UP IN THE ARENA:

MONROE: A somewhat mysterious message from the very mysterious newcomer Jade Dragon! Will he have a chance to make good on his interpreter's warning to the rest of the RDCW roster?

MARCUM: Will he even make it to his second match? Balls Nasty is somewhere out there!

MONROE: Stay tuned! There's a lot of action ahead!

*The Final Countdown plays and a man in a white ninja suit with a black sash enters the arena. He's also wearing a black armband with a white "0" on it. He stands on the entrance platform and throws an object down at his feet. There is a flash and a bunch of smoke. When the smoke clears, there are eight more men in ninja costumes, only theirs are black with white sashes and each is wearing a white armband with a black numeral on them, from 1-8. The music continues as they walk down to the ring with the ninja in white surrounded by the ones in black. They climb into the ring and the one in white stands in the middle of the ring while each of the others take up positions either at the corners or along the ropes at each side of the ring. The music fades out as the apparent leader starts to speak.*

Ninja "0": You may call me the Deathmaster. I am a mysterious man from Johnny Evil's past and I am here to take my revenge! As you can see, I have not come alone! I have traveled the world in search of men to make up an unbeatable force! These men are my Eight Greats, the Fighting Masters!

Now is the perfect time for my revenge! I can't stand all the hype right now about Johnny Evil's threat to use the Doomchoke on Grimm! I see all of you in your Doomchoke t-shirts. Drinking that special Doomchoke Mountain Dew. Reading books that speculate about what the Doomchoke is. Playing the Doomchoke edition of Scrabble. Driving the Doomchoke edition Nissan Versa. Moving to New Zealand where it's legal to name your children "Doomchoke". Watching Britney Spears flub her attempted comeback at the MTV awards because she stayed up all night thinking about the Doomchoke. Yes, even I saw this video that was shown at the Orlando Comic Con.

*The screen shows an animated interior. Professor Farnsworth from Futurama comes in through the door.*

Professor: Good news everyone! Johnny Evil is going to let Grimm have it with the Doomchoke!

*The Planet Express crew cheers.*

Fry: Someone told me that if Johnny Evil does that to you you're more doomed than you'd be if Doctor Doom was chasing you on Mount Doom while riding on Doomsday's back!

*We go back to the ring.*

Deathmaster: Everywhere you go, no matter where you look it's Doomchoke, Doomchoke, Doomchoke! Everyone's talking about it! Pauly Shore, Steven Colbert, Stephen Hawking, Michael Jordan, the Dali Lama, the crew of the International Space Station, Tim Robbins, Anson "Potsie" Williams and his uncle Dr. Henry Heimlich, creator of the Heimlich Maneuver! All of them! Going on and on and on about the Doomchoke! I'm here to stop all of that! Johnny Evil, you must defeat each of my Eight Greats, the Fighting Masters before you fight me! Only if you can defeat me after all of that will I reveal my true identity! Don't think this will be an easy task! Behold my Eight Greats! Behold my Fighting Masters!

Fighting Master number 8 is a master of Mexican style Lucha Libre! He is the Lucha Master! Number 7 is a brutal master of Muay Thai! He is the Merciless Master! Number 6 is one of the strongest men in the world! He's so strong he can lift a table with a bunch of stuff on it and throw it off of a balcony! He is the Power Master! Number 5 is a disgraced former boxing champion! He is the Batshit Crazy Punching Master! Number 4 is an Olympic Wrestling champion! He is the Champion Grappling Master! Number 3 is an Olympic Judo champion! He is the Champion Grappling Only It's Japanese-like Grappling Master! Number 2 I forget what he does. I'm sorry. This is a really long speech. Crap. What does he do again? Crap. This is embarrassing. I mean, I planned this for a long time, you know? Now I can't remember what he does. Uhm, he's the Mysterious Master. Yeah, that'll work. Finally, number one is your former rival from the Tae Kwon Do place you studied at in Korea.

Number 1: It was in Indiana.

Deathmaster: What?

Number 1: The Tae Kwon Do place was in Indiana.

Deathmaster: Well, it sounds better if it was in Korea.

Number 1: I've never even been to Korea.

Deathmaster: Shut up! You're ruining it!

Mysterious Master: Oh, like you didn't blow it when you introduced me!

Deathmaster: Shut up!

Batshit Crazy Punching Master: I don't really like having "Batshit" in my name.

Deathmaster: Shut up! Everyone shut up!

Mysterious Master: It's Kendo, by the way.

Deathmaster: What?

Mysterious Master: Kendo. I'm a master of Kendo.

Lucha Master: What? With the sticks?

Myterious Master: It's called a Shinai, and yes.

Power Master: How is that going to work in a wrestling match?

Mysterious Master: I don't know. He's paying me. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a job when Kendo is your only real skill? He was going to call me the Stick Mater.

Deathmaster: Shut up! Shut up, shut up SHUT UP!

Mysterious Master: Really, Mysterious Master is a lot better.

Deathmaster: Are you done? Are you? Are you? Huh? Can I finish?

Power Master: Well, I...

Deathmaster: SHUT UP! OK? Shut up! Jeez! I'm almost done!

Power Master: Sorry.

Deathmaster: Fine. Number 1 is the Korean Master.

Korean Master: But I just said I've never been to...

Deathmaster: SHUT UP! Oh, and I'll only reveal my true identity if Johnny Evil uses the Doomchoke on me instead of Grimm! How do you like that, jerk!

*Ghaleon's Theme plays and Johnny Evil comes out onto the platform.*

JE: I don't like it at all, so I'm just going to go down there and take your stupid mask off.

Deathmaster: But you have to fight each of the Fighting Masters first.

JE: Nope. Just gonna go down there and take off your mask.

Deathmaster. Well, maybe a tag team...

JE: Just gonna go down there and take off your mask.

Deathmaster: Could you just fight a couple...

JE: Go down there, take off mask.

Deathmaster: How...

JE: There. Mask.

Deathmaster: Uh, stop him guys!

Merciless Master: What?

Mysterious Master: I don't even have my stick!

Champion Grappling Only It's Japanese-like Grappling Master: I thought it was a Shinai...

Mysterious Master: I'm not fighting without one! I'm usually wearing a bunch of padding too!

Deathmaster: Just stop him! He's going to get me! I'll pay you double!

*The Fighting Masters move in to stop JE as he charges the ring. He quickly dispatches each of them with ridgehand chops to the back of the neck. The last one left is the Korean Master.*

Korean Master: I see you've mastered it.

JE: Oh, yeah. It works really well, but it isn't really flashy, y'know?

Korean Master: You dare talk that way about the Sabeomnim's ultimate technique?

JE: Oh, the fancy talk now. You're about as Korean as a Buick.

Korean Master: I tried to tell him.

JE: Whatever.

*JE hits him with the ridgehand to the back of the neck too and steps up to the Deathmaster.*

JE: Take off the mask, Cap.

*The Deathmaster removes his mask, revealing that he's the Captain of Outer Space.*

CoOS: You knew?

JE: Of course I did. Let this be a lesson to everyone. Never use a crazy, overly complicated plan to get me. The last thing anyone wants is for me to be the serious one.

CoOS: I'm sorry, Johnny. I was already mad about you attacking me and almost ending my career when you joined the Bastardos and then there was all that stuff about the Doomchoke...

JE: Don't worry about it. I'll tell you what. I'll take you and your Fighting Masters out to the 7-11 for Doomchoke Mountain Dew Slurpees.

Fighting Masters (in unison): Hooray!

CoOS: Gee, Johnny. I had you all wrong. You really are a swell guy!

JE: C'mere, you!

*JE puts CoOS into a headlock and gives him a noogie. He lets him go and they both burst out laughing and lead the way for the Fighting Masters to a bus waiting to take them to the 7-11.*

Mysterious Master: I could have stopped him if I would have had my shinai.

Champion Grappling Master: Shut up! He's buyin' us Slurpees!

*And we cut to a commercial for the Doomchoke Mastercard.*

Renegades of Funk begins playing over the loudspeakers of the Cheesedome…..

Marcum: “ Hmmm, who is this??? Who?.”

Monroe: “Ghost Hog? Ghost Hog! With a new music.”

Ghost Hog enters the ring grabbing the mic along the way.

Ghost Hog: “ Cuntspiracy….cuntspiracy. It is a word I thought long removed from my vocabulary. The way it rolls across the lips so easily in the RDCW is just simply..well, it’s pathetic. The way Paragon oversees this operation is similar to the way that Snarf oversees his harem of women. A mystery, and enigma, a fallacy, and a falsehood. A dream –a nightmare I have awakened to a directed and devious plot to fill the RDCW ranks with a plethora of miscreants and misguided buffoons. Joe Mama rides upon the top of us all he directs our foolish actions and platitudes to his own amusement. Joe Mama wrestles who he wants and when he wants...he gets the matches of his choosing—he is the master so long as Paragon desires…he is the boy who would be king. King of his own kingdom...a kingdom filled with fools and the foolish who believe the foolish things their eyes perceive. Perception is only one truth. The truth of Paragon is a truth of devilish cuntspiracies and a mire of treachery. In Paragon’s world I could also be king for a day…king for a week…king for a year. I could be…yet I can’t because I am not anointed in this world of his...not anointed like Joe Mama. Not anointed like the West Side Rollers. A panoply of fools that lick the heel and boot of Paragon so they might be kings….kings of a false kingdom of the blind and weak. Kings ruling over blind peasants that cannot see, cannot read, cannot act in their own defense. Paragon is the cheap whore that sits at the seat of power imbuing his own chosen few to lap at his heels as he cuts a swath through the kingdom of his own making. A kingdom that is slowly eating itself from the inside out….rotting from its own greed, apathy, and avarice.”

Marcum: “Idiot.”

GH: “ I don’t want to wrestle weak fools, the unwilling, lambs to the slaughter. The Rollers beat upon those alone, those that are weak, those cut apart from the flock. Alone they are weak and Paragon knows this. Individually they are less than pathetic. They steal your love..they steal your life they steal that which brings you joy. They are robbers…thieves and weak. Pathetic storm troopers of Paragon’s fascist dreams. Joe Mama is a weak and pathetic champion of nothing because the RDCW has become a cheap imitation of itself…..All hail Joe Mama Champion of nothing…all hail Paragon the overseer of less than nothing…the overseer of his weak, pathetic, vulgar, and corrupt institution….an institution of the imbecilic that cannot see or understand the web he weaves. The web of deceit and wayward ambitions all lead to a dead end-- a fall…..as the Romans fell due to their own cuntspiracies and their own desires of singular power so shall the empire of Paragon. The empire of excess and emptiness. There is no substance to this ruling class—this appointed and maintained order of the day. This ruling class of the fat, dumb, and talentless shall fall to those deserving. Those who are stronger, faster, better, and more deserving…..those clean and sober individuals, those individuals that desire change. I will not drink a single drop until this is changed…that is my pledge. No rest for the Hog of War…noooooo rest until power is wrested from Paragon……NOOOONNNEEEE. Rest assured.”

Monroe: “Impressive or impulsive?”

"Bring Tha Noise" plays as Qbert Johnson arrives in the Cheesedome to a rousing chorus of no reactions from the RDCW fans.

Qbert: Nobody care about Green Dragons! Nobody care about sorry ass ninjas and all they styles they supposed to be masters of! Nobody care about drunk ass conspiracy theories! All anybody care about is Qbert Johnson! Everybody in the RDCW want Qbert's autograph!

Last week, Spandex Monkey Man got Qbert's autograph! Who gonna get an autograph this week! Find out!

Qbert heads back to the back in search of another autograph seeker.

*Havok returns from break as we see El Superbeasto in the ring with The Otaku, minus Johnny Evil, who is still out with his old tag partner. They are all wearing DOOMCHOKE! tshirts. Superbeasto has a mic.

ES: Greem, foolish puta diablo. I try to warn you. I try to tell you to stay away this week. But you no listen. You show up with little friends Harleykwin and Joe Mama. You are not going to have to worry about feeling DOOMCHOKE! from Senor Evil. . .

Ariel: BUY THE SHIRT, BUY THE SHIRT!!!

ES: Es fastest selling shirt in RDCW history! But you are not going to have to worry about that, because what I am going to do to you this week. . .DOOMCHOKE! is merely going to be final nail in coffin for your career. Afterwards, maybe I take leetle Harleykwin and teach her what true lucha style is about. Hahahahaha.

Then, Senor Evil and Superbeasto will take leetle RDCW tag titles back to Japan with us! Come, friends, let us celebrate upcoming victories with MAS CERVAZAS!!!!

*Superbeasto's music plays as The Otaku leave the ring and Havok fades out to a commercial for Strippers N Waffles' new Whiskeyburger!

"Faded" plays as Joe Mama, accompanied by Harleykwin, come out to the cheers of the crowd. They grab microphones from Marcum and Monroe and enter the ring.

Marcum: This is it, Monroe! Joe Mama is finally gonna reveal his gift to Ghost Hog! I hear it's a diva to replace Heidi Schwartz!

Monroe: This can't be a good idea...

JM: Ghost Hog, I heard your rant earlier this evening and, if I could've understood it, I'd probably have been hurt and insulted by it. But I don't speak "drunken sloppy mess" and I can't take the time to try and decipher the ramblings that come from your booze-hole. But I do know this: you're in a lot of pain, Ghost Hog. Pain caused by losing your girlfriend, Heidi Schwartz, to the West Side Rollers and not being man enough to sober up and get her back. But rather than dwell on that - the fact that Heidi got so sick of having to clean up her useless failure of a boyfriend that she ran off with two people who are less manly than he is - I decided to help you out, Ghost Hog, by finding you a new woman to disappoint. A woman who will help you forget Heidi Schwartz and Heidi's tits and Heidi's ass and the way Heidi does that thing with her tongue and...

Harleykwin gives Joe Mama a nudge in the side with her elbow.

JM: Oh! Um, not that I'd know, of course!

Ghost Hog, it's time for you to make a decision. You can either pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue a career that - at this point - would be considered "overrated and underwhelming" if one were being charitable. Or you can continue the path you're on, a path that leads to destitution and disappointment. Will you continue to be the laughingstock of the RDCW? Or will you somehow find the courage (that can't be found in a bottle) to become the man and the wrestler that Heidi thought you could be when she threw you that first mercy fuck? Hopefully one of these ladies will help you decide.

Our first diva is best described as a "lioness in the sack!" To say she's rich is to say that Ghost Hog is drunk! I give you...Jocelyn!!!

And out walks our first "contestant" to the ring...



Marcum & Monroe:

Monroe: Dammit, I knew this would be a cruel joke!

Marcum: Um...maybe he's saving the best for last?

JM: Now, Jocelyn, tell us a little about yourself.

Jocelyn speaks into Harleykwin's microphone, but the words can't seem to coherently get past her huge lips.

JM: Um, Harley, what'd she say?

H: She said, "I like cats and botox and parties and collagen and fine wines and stainless steel blades being pushed into my flesh and...

JM: I'd like to hear more, but you're face is going to haunt my nightmares, so let's move onto our next contestant. This little lady likes fine food and drink, and is what the boys would call a "cheap date." I give you...Theresa!!!

And out walks contestant #2...



Monroe: The goggles! They do nothing!!!

Marcum:

Monroe: This is nothing but cruel! Ghost Hog has a serious problem and he needs help, not mockery!

Harleykwin meets Theresa at ringside.

JM: Now, Theresa, you're a big of a big girl, so we're going to keep you at ringside so the ring supports don't buckle. Tell us something about yourself.

Theresa: Ah tain't fuckin' no man without mah mawma! And we wants $30 bucks fer the priv'lidge!

JM: OHHHHHHHHH...a hot mother/daughter combo! Very kinky...let's bring out mama!

And out walks...



Marcum: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Dear GOD, no!!!

Monroe: Joe Mama should be ashamed of himself!

JM: Well aren't you a sexy pair! Let me remind you both that, if you win, you'll also receive $30 and a lifetime supply of Ring Dings and orange soda!

Mother and daughter get excited, jumping and clapping hands.

Marcum: Is Joe Mama trying to bankrupt this promotion?

JM: But you haven't won yet. For, you see, our final diva is well-known from television! She's a former reality star who knows that every rose has its thorn and is ready for the ol' Unskinny Bop...ladies and gentlemen, Tiffany!!!

From the back bumbles...


Marcum & Monroe:

Tiffany stumbles down the ramp and barely avoids fall on her face thank to Harleykwin catching her. With incredible effort, Harley helps Tiffany into the ring. Tiffany grabs hold of the ring ropes for dear life. Joe Mama walks over, but gets hit with some smell that knocks him back a little.

JM: Wow, Tiffany, you really DO smell like a brewery! These other two contestants were able to hold off on the booze, but not you! You're a perfect mix of body and buttahface, to go with breath that I think burned off my eyebrows! You'd be perfect for Ghost Hog. But, since you're a former reality diva, I gotta ask: what brings you to the RDCW?

Tiffany (slurring): Ah'm doin' thish f'r m' daughtah!

JM: Well, isn't that nice. You are truly a piece of work. Pure over-the-hill stripper goodness combined with bad motherhood! You might just might be the one for Ghost Hog...

Tiffany: Don' freaten me wif a good time!

JM: ...um, yeah. But, as I was about to say, it's up to the audience to decide. Since Jocelyn is freaking me out and making the children in the audience cry, I'm going to disqualify her. Thank you for coming, Jocelyn, now please leave before these kids get permanently scarred.

Jocelyn leaves the ring. Marcum and Monroe breathe an audible sigh of relief.

JM: Now...by applause, who wants to see THERESA become Ghost Hog's new valet?

The crowd collectively groans and boos as Theresa and her mom chant, "Ring Dings!!!" to each other.

JM: Okay...fair enough...now who wants to see this repulsive mess next to me become Ghost Hog's sweet baby?

As the crowd boos and catcalls, Tiffany shouts, "Don' freaten me wif a good time!" at them over and over. There are a few whistles and one or two sarcastic cheers.

JM: Well, it was close, that's for sure. But it looks like our winner, and Ghost Hog's new Heidi Schwartz is...TIFFANY!!!

Tiffany: Don' freaten me wif a good time!

JM: No, Tiffany, we won't. And that's a cute little catch phrase that certainly WASN'T worn out the first time you said it! Now why don't Harley and I give you your moment...ladies and gentlemen, TIFFANY!!!

Joe Mama and Harleykwin head to the back as the crowd boos and shouts things. Tiffany and yelling her catch phrase at the crowd and stumbling triumphantly around the ring. People start throwing cups and food fragments at the ring, which causes Theresa and her mom to roll into the ring and try to scoop the garbage into their gaping maws. Tiffany trips over Theresa and doesn't seem to be sober enough to get back up.

Marcum: Congratulations to Joe Mama for helping Ghost Hog find his true love! He and Tiffany will amke a GREAT couple!

Monroe:

Marcum: I'm sure that Tiffany will look BEE-YOOTIFUL on Ghost Hog's arm when he comes out for his match against Doc Paragon tonight! My only question is, now that we've seen Joe Mama show compassion to Ghost Hog, can he be counted on to referee a fair match? Or has he already shown favoritism towards Ghost Hog? This must be preying on Doc Paragon's mind!

Monroe:

Marcum: Monroe, your thoughts?

Monroe: Would someone please get security to clear this ring???

<Cut to Sweet Marlene and Meeko in their locker room backstage. Meeko is rewinding a tape while Sweet Marlene, with needle and thread, is taking in the waistband of her pink and white warmup pants...>

Meeko: How are you feeling?

Sweet Marlene: Oh, it’s a jumble. You know me.

M: That I do.

SM: I’m not really worried about our match. Each of us has beaten Heidi one on one, and Grace has less ring time than I do. That tape gave me more than enough information to work with.

M: So you’re worried about the boys, then.

SM: Not really worried, no.

M: Good. Because I’m pretty confident in them. Stephens and Kilburn aren’t exactly one hundred percent after last week. And you know how anxious the boys are to get back in the ring. I don’t think there’s much reason to worry at all.

I am a little anxious, though. I mean, they’re just coming back from being hurt. I just don’t know what to expect.

M: You haven’t told them that, have you?

SM: It wouldn’t make any difference if I did.

<Meeko steps away from the monitor and begins rummaging through her locker for her ring gear...>

M: You’d be surprised. Remember that little speech you gave about confidence last week?

SM: Yeah... why?

M: It starts with you. You need to start giving them confidence in their ability. And when this faction is finally ready to rise up, it’ll only happen when you show that kind of confidence in yourself.

SM: Why are you telling me this?

M: Were you expecting to just be my assistant manager and tag partner forever? It’s time you stepped up and showed these people just what you’re made of. Before you can do that, you need to show yourself what you’re made of. That’s why I’ve been giving you this ring time lately. When we step into that ring tonight, don’t be afraid to come out swinging. Don’t be afraid to change the pace of the match. And don’t be afraid to take risks every now and then.

<Sweet Marlene just nods. Meeko reaches for the hanger with her ring gear and knocks a black baseball jersey to the locker room floor...>

Monroe: That looks a lot like the black jersey we saw last week!

<The camera zooms in on the jersey lying in a rumpled heap on the floor. Amid the folds of the fabric, the capital letters F C are visible...>

Marcum: Those letters! What do you think they mean, Mike?

Monroe:

Meeko: Just remember, Marlene. I haven’t been training a teammate. I’ve been training a successor.

<Meeko bends down to pick up the jersey and notices the camera...>

Meeko: Who is leaving these doors open???

<Sweet Marlene slams the door on the cameraman...>

Monroe: A stunning revelation from Meeko, and the mysterious black jersey makes a second appearance! What could these things mean for the Cheapions? Stay tuned!

*An angry Doc Paragon briskly walks down to the ring. No music plays, and he is not wearing a jacket. He pulls his tie off and throws it onto the ground before climbing into the ring and beginning to unbutton his shirt. He takes the mic, his shirt half-undone.

DP: Ghost Hog! Ghost Hog! You want to come out here and ramble on incoherently about conspiracies after what you've done! Look at the video! Look at my office! This is your alcohol induced rage from last week!

*A video plays of Ghost Hog's rampage through Paragon's office last week.

DP: But that wasn't enough for you, was it? That wasn't enough! You had to bring an innocent into your warped delusions! You had to kidnap my secretary, Penny! Ghost Hog. . .Ghost Hog. . .I'm giving you one chance. . .let her go tonight, before our match. . .and I may not break your legs with my Figure 4. . .Ghost Hog. . .I hope you're happy. . .because you've got what you've been wanting for a long time now.

Tonight. . .it's not going to be a wrestling match. . .it's going to be a fight! It's going to be a bloody brawl! You've unleashed something you never suspected existed, Ghost Hog. Tonight. . .it's a whole new class that will be in session for you.

*Paragon tosses down the mic and heads to the back still screaming Ghost Hog's name.

*backstage, we see Grimm and Harleykwin watching Havok on a monitor.

Grimm: I'm getting a little sick of all this DOOMCHOKE! business. It's fucking everywhere and nobody even knows what the hell it is.

H: It's gone viral now. The best thing right now is to just ignore it and focus on tonight's match.

A very pissed off looking Joe Mama walks up to the pair, wearing his "special referee" attire for the night. He walks right up to Grimm and goes nose to nose with him.

Grimm: Problem?

JM: Yeah, I've got a problem. Problems, actually. Plural. In addition to having to wear these ludicrous stripes and referee tonight's "main event" between that drunken piece of human excrement, Ghost Hog, and our senile GM, Paragon. . .

Grimm: Price you pay for being the champion. . .

JM: I'm also not real happy about your little stunt during my match last week.

Grimm: Hey, I just told you what you needed to hear to stop slacking off and get the job done. Or maybe you would've rather lost to Krazed like you did to his partner?

JM: Oh, please, I had Krazed well in hand.

Grimm: But yet you weren't able to finish him off. You didn't have any focus, Joe. You didn't have that killer instinct! In fact, I think you've had it too easy the last few months. You're starting to coast. You're starting to ride your reputation. You're. . .

JM: I'm what?

Grimm: You're losing your edge.

JM: I am not "losing my edge." Look, don't try your little mind games with me, Grimmonowski. I'm not in the mood. This little alliance of convenience is exactly that, and nothing more. I'm not one of your little weak minded stooges that you can manipulate and push around. Just remember that. Shouldn't you be more worried about your match tonight and not getting another beatdown by Johnny Evil's lackeys?

Grimm: Oh, we've got that well taken care of.

Grimm glances at Harleykwin who smiles mischievously and holds up a pair of red & black handcuffs.

Grimm: Anything else you want to get off your chest?

JM: Yeah, anytime you think you've worked up the guts to try and take this *points to the belt on his shoulder* go ahead and try. Now I've got a "match" to prepare for. See you.

Grimm: Yeah, we'll see you.

*JM leaves and Grimm looks back over at kwin, still holding the cuffs. She smiles again and looks up at him.

Harleykwin: Definitely gonna use these later tonight.

Hotties Tag Match
Meeko & Sweet Marlene vs. Heidi Schwartz & Grace

Grace and Schwartz bickered with each other almost from the moment they entered the ring - separately - to halfway through the match, as Grace was backed into a corner by Sweet Marlene and shouting for help.

Marcum: Heidi needs to get in there and help Grace out!

Monroe: Does she? Sure. Will she? Probably at the last possible instant.

<Sure enough, Sweet Marlene rolls Grace up for the cover, but Heidi slips into the ring and breaks the two up before Lothar can count to two. Heidi blind-tags herself in and shoves Grace out of the way before laying into Sweet Marlene...>

Monroe: Schwartz is using her police training to press a physical advantage over Sweet Marlene...

Marcum: That's one way of putting it!

<Schwartz continues to rain blows onto Sweet Marlene, who tries her best to block the onslaught and wait for an opening of her own. Finding one, she ducks under a right-hand from Schwartz, leg-sweeps her to the mat, and tags Meeko back in...>

Monroe: Looks like we're seeing some pretty consistent teamwork from Sweet Marlene and Meeko. This is the difference between successful tag teams and tag teams that just never get it together...

Marcum: You sound like we're here to watch a wrestling match or something!

Monroe:

<Schwartz holds Meeko off for a while with a few good counter-moves, but becomes distracted when she hears Grace shouting from over her shoulder. Meeko slings her into the ropes and gets in a Meekocanrana, which rattles Schwartz and drops her to the mat...>

Marcum: That's what Grace is yelling about! She's fighting with Sweet Marlene outside the ring!

<Grace and Marlene continue to duke it out around the ring as Schwartz regroups. Grace tries to whip Sweet Marlene into the ring steps, but Marlene counters and slings Grace into the announcer's table... and promptly slams her down onto it, jumps on top of her, and starts swinging away!>

Marcum: Should we move?

Monroe: Why?

<In the ring, Heidi whips Meeko into the ropes and tries to set up the Crowd Control, but Meeko dodges at the last second and locks Schwartz up for a big Meekoplex! Schwartz can't break free from Meeko's grapple, and gets maneuvered into the Meekolock!>

Monroe: Looks like Schwartz could tap out here!

Marcum: What? Oh, sorry! I was a bit distracted!

Monroe: She tapped! Schwartz tapped out!

Meeko releases the hold as the referee raises her hand, along with Marlene's and James White makes the announcement. Grace leaves the ring in disgust as Schwartz attempts to recover on the mat.

AD!

RDCW Tryouts Match
Jade Dragon vs. Pecos Pleather Pete

Like the previous Tryouts match, this one started off with little fanfare for either competitor, though Jade Dragon was greeted by a bit more applause than last week as he made his way to the ring...

Monroe: It looks like we’re about to see more of Jade Dragon in action. I wonder what sort of moves he’s got up his sleeve tonight...

Marcum: I wonder what sort of moves it’s gonna take to get away from Balls Nasty!

The match began with the two opponents circling each other in the ring, each sizing the other up. Pecos Pleather Pete came out hard with a right-hand and actually connected, but Jade Dragon rolled with it and countered with a tae kwon do straight punch of his own. JD ducked under P3’s left-hand and stepped back a few feet...

Marcum: Boring! I wanna see some of that fancy Asian stuff he did last week! Those little guys can hit!

Monroe: They’re gonna have to put us on a network delay at this rate...

P3 took advantage of the delay to ride an invisible pony around the ring, hollering “Yee-HAW!” to next to no applause from the fans...

Marcum:

Monroe:

Pecos Pleather Pete came at Jade Dragon again, but this time JD blocked his attack, slipped in close, and let fly with a muay thai knee strike! P3 staggered back, the wind driven out of him...

Marcum: That’s what I’m talkin’ about! It’s almost a shame Balls Nasty is gonna make such short work of this guy!

Suddenly, ‘Bad Company’ blared over the speakers as none other than Balls Nasty appeared at the top of the ramp!

Monroe: Speak of the devil...

Marcum: I thought it was called ‘Shout At the Devil’!?!

Monroe: Never mind...

Balls slowly made his way down the ramp, more intent on watching the action in the ring than on interfering with either wrestler just yet...

Monroe: He’s like a predator trying to single out an easy victim...

Marcum: That’s what you think! After last week I’ll bet you anything he saves everything he’s got for Jade Dragon!

In the ring, Pecos Pleather Pete was finally regrouping as Jade Dragon waited patiently...

Monroe: He may be new to wrestling, but clearly Jade Dragon is an experienced fighter. He knows he’s got his opponent right where he wants him.

Marcum: And Balls Nasty has both of them right where he wants them!

Pecos Pleather Pete tried valiantly to regain his rhythm, but Jade Dragon kept him off balance with an effortless but effective series of quick tae kwon do strikes. In an act of sheer desperation, P3 pulled JD close and went for a lock-up... which proved to be a fatal mistake...

Monroe: Looks like we’re gonna see some grappling here!

Marcum: You sound almost as excited about that as Larry Llawler!

Monroe:

P3 tried to maneuver JD into a submission hold, but JD kept his bearings and slipped P3 into a jiu jitsu cross-body neck lock! Pecos Pleather Pete cried out in pain as Jade Dragon forced his neck sideways at a sharp angle...

Monroe: Jade Dragon could seriously injure Pecos Pleather Pete if this keeps up!

Balls Nasty slowly approached the ring, biding his time and waiting for the bell...

Marcum: Balls Nasty’s coming! Pete had better tap and they both had better run!

Unable to resist the powerful jiu jitsu lock any longer, Pecos Pleather Pete tapped out frantically, and Lothar signaled for the bell!

Monroe: That’s it! Jade Dragon wins!

Marcum: And here comes Balls Nasty!

Balls Nasty dove under the ropes and into the ring as Pecos Pleather Pete tumbled out of the ring. He charged at Jade Dragon, but JD didn’t flinch – or take a swing at him. Astounded, Balls Nasty stopped short of crashing into the somewhat smaller Jade Dragon, but drew himself up to his full height and stared him down. JD didn’t budge...

Monroe: What’s going on?

Marcum: Jade Dragon should be running for his life! This is the encounter we all knew would happen!

The two fighters stared at each other for a long moment as the crowd murmured anxiously. Finally, Balls Nasty tired of the staring contest and let fly with a vicious right-hand! Jade Dragon dodged at the last possible instant, but Balls’s punch grazed him and knocked him back a step or two...

Marcum: Look out!

Balls Nasty took a step forward and swung at Jade Dragon again. This time, JD dodged the blow cleanly and came up with an open-palm strike to BN’s solar plexus! BN inched back, only slightly off balance, but JD followed up with a quick, straight-handed jab right below Balls Nasty’s left ear... and turned and walked away...

Monroe: What the hell?

Balls Nasty staggered back but didn’t seem immediately fazed by the blow. Enraged, he took a step or two forward to charge after Jade Dragon... and stumbled uneasily before toppling to the mat! Balls Nasty struggled to get to his feet as Jade Dragon exited the ring, but inexplicably couldn’t regain his balance at all!

Marcum: What just happened? Balls Nasty fell and can’t get up!

Balls scrambled to his feet and tried to follow Jade Dragon, but only took two or three steps before he stumbled and fell again. The big man shook his head from side to side, dazed and very confused.

Monroe: Jade Dragon has clearly done something unusual to rob Balls Nasty of his equilibrium...

Marcum: You sure? I think he might’ve made him lose his balance!

Monroe:

By the time Balls Nasty regained his balance and got to his feet, Jade Dragon was already halfway up the ramp. Balls Nasty called for a microphone, and James White tossed him one...

Balls Nasty: Hey! Dragon! Wait right there!

Jade Dragon stopped and turned...

BN: You think you’re somethin’, just ‘cuz you sucker-punched Balls Nasty? Let me tell you something! I coulda destroyed your sorry ass at any time! I waited until you won the match because I wanted you to win these lame-ass Tryouts!

Marcum:

Monroe:

BN: That’s right. I wanted you to win so I could get the privilege of tearing you apart at Halloween Handjobs! But after this, I don’t think I wanna wait that long. I don’t care what Paragon or anyone else says – I want you in this ring next week! You decide you’re too chickenshit to fight Balls Nasty, then I’ll hunt you down, you and whatever little Chinaman you’ve got reading you your material, and I’ll beat the shit outta you both backstage! It’s your choice!

Jade Dragon didn’t respond...

BN: You speak American? You understand me? Or are you too chickenshit to even answer me? Are you gonna fight me next week or not? Yes or no?

Jade Dragon just nodded before turning and heading back up the ramp. The crowd cheered wildly!

Monroe: A grudge match next week between Balls Nasty and Jade Dragon? Will Jade Dragon even survive long enough to make it to the final Tryouts match at Halloween Handjobs? Stay tuned – tag team action up next!

Tag Match
Cheapions vs. English Bastards

Krazed and J decided to join the commentary team at ringside as they watched two rival tag teams proceed to beat the hell out of each other. Eager to prove themselves in front of the West Side Rollers, the English Bastards pressed an early advantage using Kilburn's power and Stephens' speed to put their opponents on the ropes. But after nearly a month's absence from the ring, both Chewy Walrus and Killconey were out for blood. Stephens threw Chewy into the ropes to set up his Strong-Arm Tactics, but Chewy rebounded off the ropes and launched into Stephens with a Walrus Tusk! Rather than go for the pin, Chewy tagged Killconey in, then proceeded to go after Kilburn, who was arguing with Krazed and J at the announcers' table! Already sore from a post-match brawl the previous week, Stephens was in even worse condition after Chewy's signature move, and Kilburn was too busy brawling with Krazed and J and Chewy to come to his aid. After taking a series of vicious kicks from Killconey, Stephens got to his feet just in time for Killconey to hit him with Xenocide! Still not satisfied, Killconey climbed to the top rope and nailed the prone Stephens with the Fires of Heaven before finally going for the cover and the pin. But rather than celebrate, Killconey dashed out of the ring and joined his tag partner in the battle by the announcer's table, which dragged on until security removed all five men from ringside as paramedics checked on the barely conscious Stephens in the ring...



Singles Match
Grimm vs. El Superbeasto

This match was joined in progress following the ad break as members of the Otaku were handcuffed to the ring posts to prevent their interference! Grimm and Superbeasto brawled through the arena with attempting to use power moves to wear down the other.

Finally, Grimm put Superbeasto in the Grimmlock and locked in the hold, attempting to get the win via submission! Superbeasto struggled to reach the ropes, and with his size, eventually grabbed the bottom rope. But Grimm held onto the move, refusing to let go! The referee called for the bell, but Grimm still held the hold on!

Johnny Evil returned to the ring and and hit a Cro-Martie Kick on Grimm, finally causing him to drop the hold! Evil then hit a Mr. Toad's Wild Ride before unlocking his teammates and heading out of the arena.

Special Challenge
Ghost Hog vs. Doc Paragon
Special Ref: Joe Mama

"Faded" plays up as Joe Mama heads down to the ring to serve as special guest referee. JM climbs into the ring and just barely acknowledges the cheering crowd. He motions to the ring announcer to "get on with it."

Marcum: Looks like someone's not too happy about reffing this match!

Monroe: As long as he calls it fairly.

Marcum: The question on everyone's mind: How large a role will Ghost Hog's new valet - the "lovely?" Tiffany - play?

Monroe:

"Ode to Joy" then begins as Doc Paragon heads back out to the ring, still angry. Paragon steps into the ring and calls for Ghost Hog.

DP: Get your drunken, debauched ass down here, right now!

"Renegades of Funk" starts as Ghost Hog heads out onto the rampway. He paces back and forth a bit before looking backstage. He calls to someone in the back. He reaches back and pulls Penny out onto the rampway.

Monroe: Ghost Hog has dressed Penny up like Schwartz!

MarcuM: He's lost his damn mind! What little mind he had!

Ghost Hog drags "Schwartz" down to the ring and places her at ringside before getting into the ring. As soon as Ghost Hog steps between the ropes, Paragon goes on the offensive, battering him with knife edge chops to the chest!

Paragon rakes Ghost Hog in the eyes and shoves him into a corner, continuing to chop away at him as the crowd unleashes a series of s. Ghost Hog retaliates with a low kick and and rips Paragon's shirt off of him, before attempting a running clothesline that takes Paragon down and also sideswipes Joe Mama.

Ghost Hog stumbles back up to his feet and batters Paragon with a series of punches. Reaching back for a long punch, Hog accidently bats Joe Mama in the face. JM staggers back a bit as Ghost Hog sets up Paragon for a Pork U! He hits the Pork U and then seems to have a moment of clarity as he rushes to the ropes and delivers a Swine-A-Sault on Paragon's prone form!

Ghost Hog lies on top for the pin, but his feet inadvertently knocked Joe Mama flat on the way down and JM is unable to make the count. Frustrated and angry, Ghost Hog looks around the ring in confusion. Seeing Penny standing at the ring apron, he crawls over to her and drags her into the ring.

Penny backs up into a corner as Ghost Hog drops to his knees in front of her, pleading.

Monroe: Ghost Hog's lost his mind! He thinks Penny is Schwartz and he's begging her to take him back!

MarcuM: He's completely flipped out, Monroe!

Monroe: We'll be back after this, our final commercial break!

Havok returns from break as we see Penny still cowering in a corner as Ghost Hog has bloodied up Paragon, and is still stumbling around the ring in a haze. Ghost Hog climbs up to the top rope for a Pig on the Wing, but slips off and falls back into the ring, nearly landing on the infuriated Joe Mama!

Joe Mama angrily signals for the bell and calls for a microphone. He steps over Ghost Hog and leans into his face before speaking:

JM: Y'know what? I really don't care if you two kill each other. But you owe these fans a decent match, Ghost Hog, and you owe it to me to come here in some shape to compete! Otherwise, you've wasted my time with this poor excuse for a gimmick match! And you don't waste the RDCW Heavyweight Cheese Champion's time!

I'm calling this match and declaring Doc Paragon the winner. Not because he beat you or outwrestled you - frankly, he ought to be ashamed of his showing tonight! How does the RDCW's head honcho have the nerve to come out here and fight like a toddler? I'm giving him the match, Ghost Hog, because I've had enough of watching you disgrace yourself and embarrass the RDCW with your existence. If I were in Paragon's position, I'd fire your worthless ass tonight. Now get out of this ring, you fucking loser. Go dry out.

Ghost looks up at Joe Mama's face and appears to be trying to respond. After several moments, he finally opens his mouth and:

GH: BLEEAUUURRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

Monroe: Ghost Hog just threw up all over Joe Mama!

MarcuM:

JM drops the microphone and cold cocks Ghost Hog. He smacks him around a bit, ending the abuse with a belt to his face. Then he picks Ghost Hog up on his shoulders in fireman position.

Monroe: Is he going to give Ghost Hog the East Coast Hammer?

MarcuM:

[i]JM carries Ghost Hog's drunk (not punk) ass to the ropes and tosses him over the top. Then he grabs the microphone and says:

JM: Ghost Hog, why don't you do everyone here a favor? Retire. Get out of this business. You have no place here. Get out and stay out, you useless waste of space.

Monroe: The Champion is furious!

MarcuM:

JM leaves the ring and begins to walk to the back, but Ghost Hog seems to recover and springs to his feet, grabbing the chair from beneath MarcuM, and chasing after JM! Angrily, Ghost Hog swings the chair into JM's back, dropping him down on the rampway! Ghost Hog continues to batter away at JM, hammering at him before placing the chair down on the rampway.

Ghost Hog picks up JM and sets him up in a Pork U, dropping him directly onto the chair!

Monroe: Oh my Gob. . .

Ghost Hot walks out of the arena, leaving JM's prone form battered on the rampway as Havok fades out. . .