That one was funny 'cause it's so terrible.

This one's better: http://community.livejournal.com/jokerxharley/266140.html
A Beautiful Friendship
 Quote:

He could feel her. Touching him. One fingernail dragged slowly across his shoulders, along his spine. A touch so light it was hardly a touch at all. What she intended to be sensuous was instead making his skin crawl. He crossed his arms tighter in front of his chest in discouragement, but only succeeded in pulling the skin taught, making each movement that much more evident. And of course she was so stupid, she probably thought he was angry at himself, having a battle of urges – trying to hold out as long as possible before succumbing to her feminine wiles. A tiny giggle confirmed it; the dumb broad had zero concept of personal space. She continued with the fingernail and moved closer to his sides where she would eventually try to tickle.

He sometimes tried to show her, taking her violently with the kind of touch you really feel. None of this damned ghost-touch, nothing that could be mistaken for one of the cockroaches in the mattress, or something to mark the passing of a rat. None of it should be like a rat – except, maybe, when they bit you. Fingernails should sting and leave wounds to get infected. Mouths ought to draw blood. Hands should bruise and pressure internal organs when they feel someone, because that -- that is the kind of feel that is real. Sometimes he would show her, but she never learned. In fact, it sometimes seemed to be the kind of reward that reinforced that type of behavior he so disliked and she would do it more. So most times he wouldn’t even bother, just kick her around a bit until her libido calmed.

Maybe three times since she was his shrink, he had done things to her of a more conventional taboo. Maybe she had done something very right while they were performing one of his schemes; maybe she just hadn’t been as annoying as usual… maybe it had nothing to do with her. He didn’t think that much about it. A wicked thought would enter his head and he’d grab her, wherever she was, and throw her to a bed or table or whatever was handy. A dirty smile and a wink and he’d open her legs. Her whorish moans and screams were muffled by her thighs, clenched tight around his head. She was never louder and it always made the boys in the other rooms extremely uncomfortable for days… so maybe he just did it for the laugh.

But here she was again, softly rubbing his shoulders and breathing softly against his ear. His brow furrowed as her thigh crept about his waist, her foot rubbing slowly between his legs. Like a cat flipping in the air defies physics, he spun in the bed, landing his fist square on her hissing lips. Blow after blow his mind replayed the unnerving sensation of her fingernail until her face was a mess of red and the sounds bubbling out of her were soft and indecipherable. He looked at her lying there, bleeding at him, and softly chucked her on the chin, “Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.”


Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!

Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0

"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921

"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"