My theory is that I must have committed some horrible sin at some point in my life, 'cause that's the only thing I can think of as to why I am so fuckin' deserving of loneliness and heartbreak. All I ever wanted was to be in love with someone and have that person be in love with me, but apparently that's too much to ask for. I see guys who are pieces of fuckin' shit that have what I have craved my whole fuckin' life; they don't deserve it, but they have it! What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I have to suffer disappointment after dis-a-fuckin-pointment? And people wonder why I smoke! Like I have so fuckin much to look forward to! I have nothing ahead of me but a lifetime of misery and self-loathing! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck!

I wish I was numb inside. I'd rather feel nothing at all than what I'm feeling now.

A Year ago, I would've told you to have a drink. But, since I went on the wagon, I can't do that in good conscience.

Son, I was in your position once. Hell, it drove me to drinkin'. But eventually, after I sobered up, I finally realized.... fuck it. fuck 'em.

These bitches want to spend their lives fucking some trogolodite who probably beats 'em and/or mentally abuses 'em, fine. More power to 'em. I don't need the psycho bitches anyway.

...Unfortunately, the majority of women are those said psycho bitches. So, I'm still alone. But, I really don't care.

Neither should you.

Why?

Well, lemme give you another little parable... for the past 20 years, I been a decent enough guy (online persona notwithstanding). Ain't got me nothing 'cept a whole bunch of tattoos (which I love dearly). My former best friend, treats his old lady like shit, cheats on her, she walks in on him in the act of cheating, a week later, she's fucking him again. His sex life has never been better.

You're probably more depressed than ever right now, so let me get to the denoument...

Right now, he's a mental wreck, torturing himself over what he pissed away, alone, panicking, and that whole bit, but if I play my cards exceptionally right, I could nail her.

Sometimes, the nice guys do win. If ya just keep that in mind, it'll help the shit sandwich go down much better until yo' ass is the one winning.

The cigarettes help, too. Marlboro Menthols have been my friends for 2 years now.

I suppose the moral to this story is... learn to love country music. Distract yourself with comics, TV, Whatever it takes. But get it offa yer mind, because if you keep obsessing about it and pulling the "oh, woe is me" shit, you're not going to do anything but sink further into depression.

Oh, and don't start drinking! People are still telling me shit that I did from my drinking days that blows my fucking mind.

That's about it.

Quit belly-aching and go join Fight Club or if there is none, start one in your area. A punctured lung and a broken leg should cure your woes. I have a black eye and recently relocated wrist all the time, and my good fortune never seems to end. Physical pain is your liberator. The cure for all those horrible terrible emotions and self-obligatory needs to stick your dick in a random whore is contained within the physical force that you deal out and is dealt out to you.

Time to go make soap! See ya later.

Pick up a creative hobby of some sort. Learn the guitar or the piano. Women seem to enjoy musical guys - almost every girl I've dated was first attracted to me as a musician.

honestly dont worry about finding someone, cause u will. Just take it easy and do ur thing, be who u are dont change urself and all will follow. Most girls are stupid when it comes to men, they always go for the abusive bastard. But its all good u'll get the smart girls

Snarf, my friend, I'm gonna assume that you actually do want to meet, date, fall hopelessly in love, and eventually take the relationship wherever it's gonna go. So, in the interest of helping you achieve said goal, I'm gonna offer you some advice:

First of all, lose the attitude! Read your initial post again. You will never, EVER, turn your perceived losing streak around with that kind of pathetic, hangdog attitude. Desperation, self-pity, and bitterness do not get you ladies unless they too are pathetic and bitter themselves.

You need to realize, in the words of that classic movie SWINGERS, that you are money, baby! Confidence is the first step to catching you a gal. Those assholes of which you speak? The ones that get all the babes, then treat 'em like shite, but always have them come back for more? They have arrogance that the gals perceive as supreme confidence and are attracted to. Get into the mindset that you are a good-looking, intelligent, well-spoken guy and BELIEVE it! Do that, and your several steps ahead of the game.

Secondly, stop watching Sex In The City and don't be afraid to walk away! I'm not implying that you actually do watch that show, but I am saying that you fall into a trap that is easy to get into but difficult to get out of: You, to some degree, believe that you need to be in a relationship and, as a result, give off the vibe of desperation, neediness, and clinginess. Which will keep the girls away in droves. If you can get past the need for the relationship, you will come across more naturally and your real personality will shine through. Girls dig a dude who just acts naturally and doesn't give off that clingy-guy-vibe. And, if the chick you attract doesn't interest you or thing just don't seem to be heading where you want to go, don't be afraid to say thanks-but-no-thanks. Why settle?

Thirdly, cultivate and expand on your interests. Go see movies. Read. Listen to country music. Play guitar. Hit those restaurants that you've heard are good. The wider a variety of interests you have, the greater your chances of meeting someone will be. I'm not saying you should grab a guitar just to get chicks. But if you've been meaning to learn, now's the time! The guy who can list a wide variety of interests is more likely to get the girls than the guy who has a few hobbies. If for no other reason than Renaissance Man gives the impression that he's on the go, interested, interesting, and not stuck at home all the time watching Friends or Seinfeld or whatever.

Date in your caste. I don't mean that in the Indian, "financial or societal" way. But let me use one of these web gals as an example. Stareena is one smart chick. She's well-read, nice, and we all know she's hotter than salsa. There's no reason why I (continuing the example) wouldn't want to date her. Except for a couple of things. She loves motorcycles and bike shows. I don't - matter of fact, I stay as far away from New Hampshire during Bike Week as is humanly possible. She likes Renaissance Fairs. In my neck of the woods, we have King Richard's Faire - a month-long festival of chivalry that you couldn't drag me to on a bet (I've been a couple of times and my gal is in no rush to have me go again). And I'm sure I have a few interests that Stareena would barely be able to keep a straight face about. So, while we might make great friends, dating wouldn't really be an option. The same should go for you: have more interests in common with a girl than not, and you increase your chances of finding the relationship you're looking for.

And, in the meantime, RELAX!!! Aren't you the cat who, on Friday, was telling me about that girl who wanted to hit a strip club with you? Obviously there's a chance for interest to be there. So, chin up! Love will come to you - hell, I'm on Year Six of a relationship that literally came outta NOWHERE! The biggest thing is to believe you can get the girls. Everything else just falls into place...

The one thing we all agree on is that you need to listen to more country music.

My suggestions:

Hank Williams, Sr.
Hank Williams III
Waylon Jennings
Willie Nelson
Johnny Cash
George Jones
Alabama
Flatt and Scruggs

Oh, and throw some Tom Waits in there, too.

If nothing else, you'll attract a wonderful, toothless lady who doesn't mind if you beat her as long as you tell her you love her.

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Captain Sammitch said:
Pick up a creative hobby of some sort. Learn the guitar or the piano. Women seem to enjoy musical guys - almost every girl I've dated was first attracted to me as a musician.

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I play the clarinet alittle bit; does that count?