Question and Batman.


Killing off Batman.

Killing off Superman.

Duh! Superman.


Superman putting both Stalin and Hitler in jail during two panels worth of story

Or

Captain America punching Hitler as a cover

Cap punching Hitler.

Who would you bring back to life:

Bucky

or


Jason Todd.

Neither. But since I have to pick: Bucky.


Joker starts killing people on Atlantis

or

Joker starts killing people on Paradise Island

Joker rampages are the best.

Atlantis, I want to see him in a fishbowl helmet!

DC buys Marvel

or

Marvel buys DC

Ah fuck! They're both going to hell in a hand basket.........DC buys Marvel since it's not in AS BAD a shape yet.


Diana and Talia fight over Bruce by drinking under the table. Their high tolerance is their own downfall as they get drop dead drunk, end up in a motel, wake up with hangovers the size of planets, and realizing they did something they wish they hadn't

Or

The women of the Bat family and female villians of Gotham decide to get together to make some hardcore lesbian porn

Hardcore Gotham lesbian porn. The more the merrier!


Michael Jackson writing Teen Titans?

or

Bill O'Reilly writing Wonder Woman?

Bill O'Reilly writing Wonder Woman



Spider-Man is really a clone

or

MJ is really a clone

Spider-Man is really a clone
At this point I no longer care.

Rob Liefield taking over writing and art on Batman

or

Batman Begins being campy like the TV series

No, it turned out Ben Riley was the clone afterall.


Rob Leifield taking over writing and art on Batman. I can live with one bad book, even two, hell, I can live without Batman if need be. Wait, I haven't actually purchased Batman since HUSH. Hmm...



Marvel has a crisis where 75% of the mutants are wiped out

or

DC has a crisis where all alians are banned from earth

Marvel has a Crisis. There are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many mutants to make the X-books fun or easy-to follow.

Dick Grayson's wife:

Barbara?

OR!

Starfire?

Starfire. I like her slightly more than that parapalegic bitch.....Hehe, gives me an idea.


Somebody puts Lois in the deep freeze and makes her into a bitch-cicle

Or

Barbara's able to walk again but only while enduring PMS 100% of the time (for some g'damn reason), this is the genesis of.....BATBITCH!!

(It sounded funnier in my head.....Plus I hate them both.)

Hmmm....

I'll go with Batbitch!


Batman has a heart attack when he catches Catwoman jacking off her male organ in the middle of broad daylight in a dirty alley shouting "Oh, Batman! Oh, Batman!" over and over again.

or

Bruce Wayne wakes up one night to find Poison Ivy standing at the foot of his bed. Ivy then shouts "OH BATMAN!" and jumps onto the bed and starts to scream, violently pummel, and forcefully make out with horrified Bruce Wayne. The next morning, Ivy leaves and walks back to Arkham because it turns out that she was just sleepwalking.

Poison Ivy sleepwalking. Hi-fucking-larious.

DC buying dinner - as an apology - for those fans who can prove that they bought (at the time of release) any or all of the DC Annuals over the last 10 years.

OR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marvel refunding the money of any fan who can prove they bought (again, at the time of release) any issue from their New Universe, 2099, or Marvel Edge lines. The MK "Punisher" mini with art by Bernie Wrightson also counts.

Marvel refund. There were actually a few DC ones I enjoyed.


Catwoman's sister asks to stay at Selina's loft for a while and she says yes. When Selina goes to sleep her sister straps her down to the bed. Selina wakes up and asks what she's doing, Maggie lifts a drill near her face and turns it on. It seems she's developed a taste for eyeballs.

Or

(And since I feel like being naughty) The exact same thing from above happens, except while Selina bleeds from the eye-sockets screaming in agony, Maggie rapes her.

Pariah! The RKMB's have changed you! I can see it in your eyes!

I'll take the first one. The second one's too hot to handle.


The retcons of the Batman villains becomes so ridiculous that...


Poison Ivy eventually becomes a techno-savvy teenage whiz from the suburbs who is made fun of at school for wearing mittens year-round.

or

Joker becomes a pretty Asian girl who performs in soft-core and is best known for her performance in the film "Tickle My Elmo".

or

Riddler becomes a hormonally, angst-filled teenage actor who was once the token gay guy in The Real World.

Oi. Riddler. I don't like him that much, so it won't be as painful.

Yes well, I like to think the change is for the best.

So what persuaded you to come back dude?


Batman persues Joker all the way to Silent Hill

Or

Joker decides to visit Liberty City for some "fun"

I'm not sure. I just got bored, I guess. My social life is kind of at a standstill right now. Either way, it's nice to be back, even though I only have 8 or 9 posts.

Anyway, I think I'll go with "Joker decides to visit Liberty City for some 'fun'".

Harley comes home one night and finds Joker...

chasing a giggling Catwoman around with a whip

or

having a sweaty pillow fight with Two-Face

or

having a bubble bath with Poison Ivy

Heh! Ivy of course.


Clark Kent one day gives Lois a big hug and hears a "*squish*". Kent looks down at the bloody mess in his arms for a few minutes and then walks to the phone and calls Bruce, "Bruce? Can you hook me up with a good lawyer?"

Or

Batgirl learns how to sound out English reading Daniel Steele books

DEFINITELY the one that involves death.

More interesting buddy comic book?


Joker and Emma Frost as college roommates who have to moonlight as sexy bar tenders at a Coyote Ugly bar to make their way through college, while getting into all sorts of sexual, humorous exploits

or

Same scenario, except with Lady Shiva instead of Emma Frost.

Lady Shiva. I like her more.


Oral - Cle (Babsy)

Or

Stephanie Brownose (Spoiler)

Oral-cle

Catwoman: The Moist End of the Meat

or

Batman: The Long, Hung, and Lean

Hehehehe. Batman: The Long, the Hung, and the Lean.


Japanese animated brand tentacle monsters threaten the purity of the maidens of Paradise Island

Or

An Alien (Dark Horse Aliens) invasion on Gotham

The Japanese monsters with the wandering tenticles, of course!

The next great Bat-villain:


A trigger-happy, homicidal Harry Potter who is speculated to be bisexual.

or

Casper the misunderstood friendly ghost who has good intentions, but uses murder as a means to an end.

HA! Murderous Casper. That's hilarious.


Etrigan and Zatanna have a kid together (I don't think I need to state the implications here)

Or

Harley Quinn asks Batman if she could be his new side kick, and after many issues of convincing and reluctance, it happens.

I think I would kill a man to see Batman and Harley.


One day, Batman sneaks up on Barbara and surprises her. She screams, gets out of her chain, and runs to the other side of the room. Batman then shouts in praise "Huzzah! You're cured!" Barbara blushes, giggles, and says "Oh, you".

or

For April Fools Day, Dick, Tim, and Barbara dug up Bruce's parents. When Bruce walked into his bedroom, they fling the skeletons at him and shout "APRIL FOOLS!!!" Bruce giggles and says "Oh, you guys." Everyone laughs. "That's funny! I dug up your parents, too!" He then holds out from behind his back the skeletons of Tim's, Dick's, and Barbara's parents. There is dead silence.

or

Bruce comes home in a drunken rage one night and beats Tim, never telling him why.

The subtlety of the last one just made it so damn funny that I gotsta pick it. Bruce beating up Tim.


A storyline where Ivy is raped by guards within Arkham.

Or

Ra's kidnaps Cassandra, deeming her worthy to be the mother of his heir.

The Ivy storyline would make for an interesting one for potential character growth. Ivy, always being the one in control in any situation, would eventually raise hell on the guards. But having the tables turned on the character forcing her to see things from the other perspective (being the rapee instead of the raper) would harken back to her origin with Jason Woodrue and her captivity in Fruit of the Earth, both in which she was the one being controlled.

So, yeah, the Ivy one.


Harley, Ivy, and Catwoman decide to get together and have a threesome, but it secretly gets videotaped and they become the most famous celebrities in Gotham

or

Bruce finds on the phone bill many, many, many calls made to 1800-WeAre18 by Alfred

Yeah, I was thinkin' the exact same thing. Cuz' I've always seen her as a type of rapist myself. The physical AND mental type of rapist. And mainly the story would be Batman figuring out the mystery of their deaths while analyzing Ivy at the same time. People are dead, but no one's broken out, and that would seem a bit odd in the Bat rogues' case.

It's a tough decision but I pick the phone records unveiling Alfred's long hidden hobbies.


Mad Hatter opens up a shady escort service that consists of mind controlled super-models

Or

Shiva decides that she wants an Heir, so she goes to Batman for the job (Heh! "Job", that's a pretty morbid term for it.)

I'd say Shiva and Batman. So many possibilities...
Anyway.


Robin's journal is uncovered and read by Batman. In it are...

a bunch of racial slurs and bad song lyrics that Robin wrote himself

or

the lines "I love Orlando Bloom" and "Mrs. Tim Drake Bloom" over and over again written in lipstick


Okay, that's it for tonight. I need to sleep.

Heh! Orlando Bloom.

If Spider were here, we'd be at it all night (yes, I know how that sounded).


After a rough patrol on Christmas night, Batman goes to his room to find a surprise Christmas present in the form of Talia covered only in wrapping ribbon.

Or

A JLA Christmas party where everyone gets drunk off of Plasticman's special eggnog and end up sneaking into JSA HQ and graffitiing its walls with thousands of newly developed polaroids that show their bare asses with the printing, "Merry Christmas" on em'.

Merry Christmas asses.

Joker secretly funds a bunch of orphanages and homeless shelters with the money he occasionally steals

or

Batman proposes marriage to Joker

Hehe! Joker donates to the needy.


Bruce speaks to his Bats when he's lonely

Or

Joker reads and frequently re-reads Little Women

Joker re-reads Little Women. Somehow it just makes sense.

Previously unseen "Avengers Disassembled" death:

Scarlet Witch traps Hank Pym (as Ant-Man) in a microwave. (With thanks to Fred Hembeck)

OR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scarlet Witch forces Demolition Man, Stingray, and Falcon to realize what colossal jokes they are. The three form and execute their suicide pact. No one notices until the re-vamp FOLLOWING "New Avengers".

I'll go with suicidal losers.


There is a HUGE alcohol-influenced party at Arkham one night. In the morning...


Joker wakes up nuzzled next to Killer Croc

or

Joker wakes up on the front lawn of Arkham wearing nothing but Miss Gotham's sash and tiara

Killer Croc. No-brainer. That's a year-long storyline waiting to happen.

Wolverine:

Overused, with too convoluted an origin to follow or enjoy?

OR!

A putz. Just a stupid putz.

Wolverine = overused and bastardised

Harley Quinn is revealed to be a transvestite born a male

or

she is a woman but starts growing copious amounts of facial hair?

she is a woman but starts growing copious amounts of facial hair



The new Ra's al Ghul

or

The original Ra's al Ghul

Are you talking about that beyond stupid Death and the Maidens book?

Eh! Dun' matter.

Original Ra's.


The inmates of Arkham replace all the donars at the sperm bank with samples from themselves

Or

Bruce is suckered into being the prize groom on a reality show that mimics "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire?"

Bruce is suckered into being the prize groom on a reality show that mimics "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire?"




The Joker is the next "The Bachelor"

or

Black Cat is the next "The Bachelorette"

Heh! Joker of course!


Bruce, Diana, and Talia all star in the same sitcom that's in the spirit of Three's Company

Or

The inmates of Arkham all star in a sitcom in the spirit of Friends

The inmates of Arkham all star in a sitcom in the spirit of Friends

...at least it might be interesting. Not.

Superman dies for good but Batman can still handle everything and the Sups/Bat title goes on without a hitch

or

Superman and Batman have a fight and Superman wins and Batman dies and DC comics go bankrupt within two months?

Superman croaks.

Avengers written by Roy Thomas?

or

Dr. Strange with art by Steve Ditko?

Ditko art.

JLAvengers imitates Millar's The Authority first arc with either:

1. Captain America raping Superman

or

2. Superman stuffing Thor's hammer up his butt.

1. Captain America raping Superman
Supermans a bitch.

Having your favorite comic coming out every 3-4 weeks with different creators

or

Having your favorite comic coming out every 3-4 months with the same creators

It would really depend on the creators wouldn't it......But that was the point.........Same Creator.


Diana is suckered by Donna to go on the Jerry Springer show

Or

Diana guest hosts on The View

Diana on Jerry Springer.

Pariah, what information would you rather have?


Where Harley Quinn has been lately

or

The meaning of life

Harley Quinn for two reasons. 1) The other one's not Harley Quinn and 2) The other one's not Harley Quinn.


Batman comes in contact with Hannibal

Or

Batman VS. Ash (Evil Dead)

Batman VS. Ash (Evil Dead)



Who wins in a fight?


Lois

or

MJ

The viewers win, of course.

Seriously, though. Lois.


What superpower should Superman have?

Super-flatulence?

or

Non-stop super-orgasms?

HA! Non-Stop Super Orgasms. He's never gonna summon up the will to save the world again.


Superman is diagnosed with Testicular Cancer and ends up getting his balls chopped off, in which case, he grows massive bitch tits.

Or

Maxima witnesses Batman beating up on Superman and decides to persue him instead of Clark. She succeeds in capturing him and making him her sex......Erm....Love-slave (let's just forget she's already dead for humor's sake shall we).

Superman with ball-cancer.


Who would look sexier in a Wonder Woman outfit?

Alan Moore?

or

Llance?

................Well. Neither have much dignity, but I find facial hair more homely than love handles. So......*shiver* Llance.


Clark and Lois walked through the door fumbling over their legs as they kissed, too stubborn to stop their lip-lock. They clumsily made their way through the penthouse and into the bedroom where they fell onto the bed. Lois and Clark stopped sucking face for a few seconds to look at eachother.

Clark: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Lois: I sure hope so.

Lois proceeded to get on all fours.

Clark: Oh, I guess you weren't thinking what I was thinking.

Lois looked at him strangely before adopting a face of recognition.

Lois: *sigh* Again?

Clark: Well….It would help.

Lois looked really bummed before getting off the bed and going into the bathroom. She came out 5 min. later dressed in a, what looked like, home made Wonder Woman costume, including arm bracelets and tiara. Clark smiled.

Clark: That did it.

Lois: It had better, I hate wearing this thing.

Clark smiled.

Clark: Don't worry, you won't be wearing it for long Diana-I-I mean Diana-I mean Lois-I mean…..Diana.

Or

A six year old Bruce was shivering from a psychosomatic cold while he listened to the noises outside his door.

Martha: YES! YES! GO FASTER!! FASTER!!

Bruce closed the covers around himself more.

Bruce: I'm going to the cave, I'm going to the cave, I'm going to the cave-

Thomas: YES! HARDER MISTRESS!! HARDER!!

Bruce: Cavecavecavecavecavecavecavecavecavecave---

Martha: GIDDYUP PONY!! GO!! GO!! GO!!

Martha Wayne was currently straddled on Thomas Wayne's back and riding him using a bullwhip up and down the hall, which was right outside Bruce's door.

Thomas: YES!! Hit the pony harder!

Bruce just continued to shiver and snuggle into the covers as much as he could.

Bruce: At least they're more quiet than Alfred and aunt Leslie.

(Really think it was the Bat that drove Bruce to that cave?)

Inspiration for the second one came from Adrian Tullberg.

Clark and Di-er Lois




Who wins the fight?


Lois

or

Betty Ross

BETTY ROSS KICK LOIS LANES ASS! THEN ME RAPE LOIS LANE AND MAKE HER REAL WOMAN!

Hulk raping Lois.


The car jack holding up the Batmobile that Bruce is working under gives way, effectively killing him.

Or

Penguin is elected to congress.

Penguin is elected to congress - could be interesting...



Right than...



Who wins the fight?


Lois

or

Iris

Lois

Captain Cold

or

Mr. Freeze

Mr. Freeze



Who wins the fight?


Lois

or

Lana

Lois


Who should join the JLA?

Michael Jackson?

or

Elmo?

Elmo



If only one could be dead...


Jason Todd

or

Stephanie Brown

Stephanie Brown


Batman becomes a Hasidic Jew?

or

Batman becomes a Hare Krishna?

Batman becomes a Hare Krishna




Ultimate Hulk - you know, the one who can't stop talking about fucking Betty

or

Peter David's talking Hulk

The one that involves sex.......Um......Uh......Ultimate Hulk.


Batman trips on his cape

Or

Joker loses his voice

Batman trips on his cape



Who is the greater mystic?

Dr. Fate

or

Dr. Strange

I don't know much about Dr. Strange, so I have to choose Fate by default.


Batman and Nightwing finally declare their love for each other and move to San Francisco?

or

Wonder Woman develops breast cancer and has to have both breasts removed?

That woulda been funnier with Powergirl, but since Wondy is the Epitome of femininity, it fits better. So that.

And speaking of Powergirl:


Powergirl's breasts fall out of her tights and envelop the whole of Europe

Or

Superman one day sneezes and blows Lois out the window

Superman one day sneezes and blows Lois out the window



Who has the better rack?


Powergirl

or

Black Cat

Power Girl


Which would you rather choose?

That the Crisis on Infinite Earths never happened?

or

That the Crisis still happened, but (as per Marv Wolfman's idea) the DC Universe started over again from scratch.

That the Crisis still happened, but (as per Marv Wolfman's idea) the DC Universe started over again from scratch.





DC should start an "ultimate" line

or

Marvel should discontinue their "ultimate" line

I can't believe someone has to actually ask that question. Marvel discontinues its whoring.


Batman turns into a woman

Or

Wondy turns into a man

Batman = Woman.

Which two, lured into a small room and locked in, will you execute with extreme prejudice?

Rob Liefeld and Joe Madueira?

OR?!?!?!?!?!?

Todd McFarlane and Joe Quesada?

A no-lose proposition, if ever there was one.

Hmmmm.....On the one hand I have Liefeld and Madueira dead, but then that would mean McFarlane and Quesada get to live. I could kill McFarlane and Quesada....But then the other two get to live!!! MY HEAD A'SPLODE!!!

Oi......Liefeld and Madueira.


Batman becomes the next Spectre

Or

Joker goes on an OFF earth rampage, in which case Batman will feel obligated to chase him down

Joker in space... AND TIME!

Joker castrated and lobotomized?

or

Ra's Al Ghul castrated and lobotomized?

Joker. A thousand times, Joker.

The REAL Identity Crisis killer:

'Mazing Man?

OR!!!

Ambush Bug?

Ambush Bug. It seems more in character for him.


Who would you rather be from the Identity Crisis #2 flashback?

Dr. Light?

or

Sue Dibny?

I would answer but for two reasons:
1. I didn't read it and don't know the implications.
2. I have no new po/lo to post.

So I'm bumping.

Dr. Light?

Man, that is a sick post, Snapman. A sick, twisted post.




To get things moving again...




Who would you prefer as Gotham's crime lord?


Black Mask

or

Lex Luthor

Black Mask. Luthor sucks.

THIS

or

THAT

That. Because I want to piss pariah off.

Batmans parents being killed by

joe chill

or

metallo

joe chill. he's at least human.

Batman abducted by aliens never to be seen on Earth again

or

Batman becomes really clutzy and constantly has multiple broken bones

Batman becomes really clutzy and constantly has multiple broken bones




Who wins?

The Sentinals

or

Metallo

Batman becomes twice the asshole he is now?




Superman goes nuts and the only option is for Batman to kill him.

or

Batman goes nuts, and the only option is for Selina to fuck him back to his senses.

The second one, because it involves sex.


Who should win a Pulitzer Prize for writing?

John Byrne?

or

A six year old writing about his dog Fluffy?

The six year old simply cuz' I never met him and MIGHT be better than Byrne. *shrug* What can I say, I don't hate Byrne.

Anyway...

I feel like being fanboyish and hopelessly romantic at the moment:

Bruce marries Diana and they end up raising a bunch of righteous, peace faring, logical children.

Or

Bruce marries Shiva and they end up raising a bunch of elite Batgirls and Robins.

Or

Bruce marries Harley and they end up raising a bunch of blond psychopaths.

Or

Bruce marries Talia and they end up raising a bunch of regular kids but with regal legacies to their name.

Bruce marries Harley.


Who should burn in hell?

Rob Liefeld?

or

Hitler?

Tough call. And I'll get plenty of flack for answering it either way...............Liefeld.


Bruce has to go undercover as a pornstar to unveil a white slavery ring

Or

Ivy decides to go on a killing spree so she hosts a gangbang

Ivy decides to go on a killing spree so she hosts a gangbang



Every hero in the DCU decides to wear a cape

or

Every hero in the DCU decides to wear fishnets

Fishnets


Who makes you hornier?

Jack Kirby

or

Julius Schwartz

Julia Child

little dark-haired boys in swimming trunks

or

big red-haired boys with photo cameras

That is not comic related!! Red-heads and cameras.


Who would you rather have writing ever comic you ever read for the rest of your life?

Stan Lee

Or

Frank Miller

Oh........Screw you.

Will you too stop flirting and get a room!

This is a room.

Stan Lee


Superboy and Robin give each other oral under a porch?

or

Batman picks up marshmallows with his ass and drops them on a model of the Legion of Doom headquarters?

Homoerotic session with Robin and Superboy which ends with Tim dying from a broken ass.


A TV series based on Funnyman (Siegel and Shooster's totally shit idea after they lost Supes.)

or

A TV series based on Kiteman (One of the 60s Bat villians that tanked.)

Kiteman! Untapped character here! The story of his origin (falling into a vat of kites) can finally be explored.

The Witches of Eastwick, only with Ivy, Catwoman, and Harley.

or


Of Mice and Men, only with Batman as George and Superman as Lenni (with Lois Lane being Curly's wife).

Tee-Hee! Witches of Eastwick.


Dick gets shot and killed in the line of duty

or

Tim is victim of a shoot out at his school

Columbine Robin.


Captain America with boobs?

or

Power Girl without boobs?

Big-tittied Cap. The other seems like blasphemy for some reason.

Halle Berry's replacement on X-Men?

Tyra Banks?

*OR*?!?!?!?!?

Angela Bassett?

Tyra Banks is hot. I'd go with her.


Nicolas Cage Superman?

or

Justin Timberlake Superman?

If it's gotta be fucked up, it may as well be fucked up all the way: Justin Timberlake Superman




If you could only save one, would you save...


Lois

or

Carol

I assume Carol is Carol Ferris, right? In that case, I'd go with Lois.


Martha Stewart joins the Suicide Squad?

or

Waldo joins the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?

Martha joins Suicide Squad. The possibilities for comedy are endless, as are the chances of her getting offed.

Marvel/DC romance...

Steve Rogers and Carol Ferris?

or....................................

Bruce Wayne and Black Widow?

... Bruce Wayne and Black Widow ...


It is revealed that Joker is 100% stereotypically Canadian

or

Joker dies from anal beads and is never brought back or mentioned again. Barbara Gordon is given back the use of her legs and becomes Batgirl, Jason Todd and Sarah Essen are brought back from the dead, and Harley Quinn is left in comic book limbo forever.

Joker is 100% Canadian. At least it would explain some of his wackiness and insanity.


Hawkman gets his wings clipped

...or...

Billy Batson gets admitted to Arkham for multiple personality disorder

Carnyfoke, I know exactly who you were directing that question at, and lemme tell ya: HA! You've failed!

Anyway, I would have said Joker dies. Cuz' there's NO WAY he would be Canadian. Na-uh, no!

Billy Batson gets admitted to Arkham and becomes Two-Face's bitch.


Batman to Kendra: "Nice ass."

Or

Superman to Diana: "Frigid dyke!"

I have no idea what you're talking about, Pariah! You're insane.

Superman calling Diana a dyke.

Batman and Emma Frost

or

Joker and Typhoid Mary

Also: Pariah, do you think you could check your e-mail? I need your help on something.

Hehe! Typhoid Mary. That's evil. But, and exchange between Frost and Batman's too good to pass up.


Wonder Woman speaks out publicly for female pornstars everywhere because they're an inspiration to women in the work-place.

Or

After Bruce punches in his fifth computer screen out of frustration towards the Microsoft software he's had to put up with, he buys out the company and then marches up to Bill Gates and takes a piss on his shoes.

Wonder Woman in support of porn stars, of course!

A mugger pulls a gun on Superman and Clark screams, "PLEASE DON'T SHOOT!"

or

A bullet comes flying at Batman so he holds Robin in front of him as a human shield

HA! Robin as a human shield. No contest, but just to let you know, the first one doesn't make all that much sense.


Batman's rogues gallery goes up against which rival gallery?

Spiderman's

Or

Superman's

It's not supposed to make sense... I guess it's supposed to be a little ironic (he is invulnerable to bullets, but all of the sudden he's afraid of being shot). Oh well...

Anyway,

Spider-man's. Joker, Ra's, and Ivy could take them all down by themselves (Not exactly sure how, but... uh... they just would!)

Bruce gets a "Sorry for Your Loss" card from Joker shortly after A Death in the Family

or

Barbara gets a "Get Well Soon" card from Joker shortly after The Killing Joke

No, I mean the way you phrased it. I was kinda confused as to whether or not he was currently adopting the Superman persona or the Clark persona. I got the joke, it was just hard to read.

Anyway...

I figure it would be like this:

Joker, Poison Ivy, Bane, Ra's Al Ghul, Freeze, and Clayface against Green Goblin, Venom, Doc. Octapus, Rhino, Carnage, and Kingpin. I'd really wanna see that.

You're right though, they'd make chumps of em'.

Anyway....Again.

DUDE! So hard to choose......Sorry for your loss. It would be sweet though to watch Barbara bawl her eyes out after reading a "get well soon" card.


Batman's cape becomes a living thing

Or

Joker drives a car made entirely of his hair

HA!

hmmm... Joker driving a car made from his hair. Although, if Batman's cape were to come alive, it would probably have a goofy, sassy, spunky personality and Batman would have an "Odd Couple" relationship with it until it's burned to death by Joker.

Possible compelling storylines:

Poison Ivy makes love to a Smurf

or

Joker makes love to a mermaid

Hehehe! The only way I see the Ivy scenario working is if the Smurf feels threatened enough. I mean, she'd prolly say, "Diddle me Handy or I'll squish your lover Brainy like a bug!!" so I wouldn't forsee any "love" involved persay. I'll have to go with Joker mounting a mermaid.


Joker goes on a bender one night and wakes up the next day to find that Gotham was in ruins.

Or

After a night of relentless lust at the Wayne Manor, Diana wakes up next to a very.......Broken Bruce Wayne.


And that's it for me. I need to wake up tomorrow. Night man.

Hee hee... Diddle.

Joker goes on a bender.


Talia and Catwoman get into a sexy violent Lazarus Pit fight that goes on for hours because they both keep coming back to life

or

Joker inherits the Phoenix Force

As much as I'd like to vote for the catfighting (no pun intended), I have to go with Dark Jokix.


Who'd make a better Joker?

George W. Bush?

or

John Kerry?

.......Erg......John Kerry. It's the chin. YECH! It's like acid on my tongue.


Joker becomes the target of Darkseid, who goes to Gotham to take him away and execute him. Batman has to make yet another painful decision regarding whether or not he should help Joker out since they'd be in his city.

or

Someone rapes Lois, and in a fit of rage, Superman kills the guy who did it.

I think making Batman squirm might make for better entertainment.


Who would you want to exist in the real world?

Darkseid?

or

Doomsday?

AH! Jiminy frickin' jilikers! No heroes as deterent either.........Doomsday. Darkseid is more calculated and just wants to enslave the human race, but at the same time, because he's not proximate he's less predictable. At least with Doomsday, we know where he stands. Only problem would be figuring out how to take him down. With Darkseid, we'd prolly go through a thousand years of slavery before we finally regain our wills and rebel.


Batman decides to let go of decades worth of bottled up rage and channel it out through voluminous amounts of sex. At the end of his lustful romp, the entire community of superheroines and the wives of the male heroes find themselves blessed with unexpected bundles of joy and moodiness.

Or

Batman is cornered in his own room after a long patrol by Ivy, Harley, Talia, Selina, and Shiva. He wakes up the next day looking like he's aged fifty years.

Getting everyone pregnant!

More interesting miniseries team-up?

Catwoman and Poison Ivy (one where they aren't at each other's throats)

or

Talia and Lady Shiva

Talia and Lady Shiva most definitely. I like Ivy, but Catwoman's just gotten too stupid. I would have taken Talia and Shiva anyway though.


Talia threatens Bruce with a hostile takeover if he doesn't date her in public.

Or

Lex Luthor and Mercy re-create the Clinton/Lewinski scandel.

There isn't that kind of chemistry between Luthor and Mercy, but Bruce wouldn't have that much reluctance to date Talia, with or without threat. The threat just might make things a little sexier, though, seeing as how Bruce tends to go for the more domineering women. Plus, we've never actually gotten a date between these two. So... Bruce and Talia.

Eerier thing Joker could do?

Break out of Arkham with many, many causalities, then come back an hour later with a Starbucks coffee and a bag from Barnes & Noble containing a fresh copy of Bridget Jones's Diary

or

Drain half of Waynetech's funds and donates every cent to the Salvation Army and the March of Dimes.

I know they don't, but for the sake of the joke. And I really doubt Bruce would go for public dates.

Heh! Breaks out and heads to B&N.

Putting Bruce in the poor-house though would be pretty funny. You know he has money stashed anyway...So, yeah.


Bane really is Batman's brother

Or

Bruce's real Father is Carmine Falcone

Hmmm... Bane and Bruce are brothers.

Jerri Blank comes to Gotham as its newest vigilante.

or

Jerri Blank comes to Gotham as its newest villain.

Hehe. How about she comes to the city to become the newest vigilante, but in the end becomes a villain. Makes alotta since when you think about it.


Batman reboots to the point JUST after NML.

Or

All of the other Bat-books and Bat family books except for Tec, LotDK, and Batman are cancelled.

Cancel all the dead weight.


Batman is rebooted as a 7-11 employee from India?

or

Batman is rebooted as an African tribesman who makes those clicking sounds when he talks?

7-11

Batman is rebooted as crappy american ripoff anime

or

Batman is written by Dr Phil and illustrated by a 36 year old mental retard for the rest of ever?

The anime ripoff was already done with Big O (except it's not all that crappy), so I pick written by Phil. Prolly give me a good larf.


A Batman Christmas special in the spirit of Scrooge.

Or

A really dark Batman annual where a serial killer sends people the recently detached body parts of still living orphans inside boxes enveloped in regal holiday wrapping paper.

The dark Batman annual.


Instead of being found by the Kents, who should discover and raise Kal-El?

Inbreeding hillbillies?

or

Michael Jackson?

Heh! So hard to choose. Inbreeding hicks. While it would be cooled to see a scarred for life and never slouching in showing that being the case Clark Kent, I can't pass up a Superman with a redneck wit.


Wonder Woman porn.

Or

A perfect Batman game that intermixes the GTA and Metal Gear genres using a huge map whilst incorporating sneaker capabilities. Of course it'll have all the other features too.

Perfect Batman game.

A new weakness of Superman is revealed. It's...

Spinach

or

Ugly people


Also: Pariah, on a completely unrelated topic, would you say that Joker is a physical manifestation of that "One Bad Day" that can turn you insane? As in he's one of life's wildcards, like a malfunctioning baby-bottle warmer?

Hehe! Spinach. He's surrounded by too many beautiful people for it to be interesting.

Oh dude! I forgot about that list. Tomorrow ASAP, I swear.

And as for the note: Well......Yeah actually. A bit more in depth response would be this thread. Read prett much all of it. Your time won't be wasted.


Batman and all of his rogues attend a chess match at Arkham.

Or

Superman and and Shazam get piss drunk and play for distance AND accuracy (poor Metropolis).

Superman and Shazam's Pissing Contest. They could do it like the old Bird/Jordan McDonalds commercials:

"Over the building, through the Dailey Planet globe, under the monorail track, bounce off that flock of birds, and onto Lex's big, bald head!"

DC's Marvel Family published by Avatar?

OR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marvel's Dr, Strange published by Jack Chick?

Marvel Family published by Avatar.Jack Chick creeps me out.

Joker goes to "Spider-Man" or Doctor Octopus to "Batman"?

Doctor Octopus goes to Batman.

Ivy goes to her 15-year high school reunion

or

Legally Blonde, only with Harley


BTW, Pariah: Have you seen who's next on the "Gets Crapped On by Hush" list?

Hush is going after the red x now?
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hush is going after the red x now?
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ivy to her fifteen year highschool reunion.

For fuck's sake, I hate Jeph Loeb with a passion born of a thousand suns. Same goes for Leiberman--I wanna beat the shit out of both of them.

*sigh*


Batman vs. Solid Snake. Who would win?

Batman

Or

Solid

Batman would win. I've watched Snake die too many times to vote for him. Snake? SNAAAAAAKKEEE!

Superman movie is made with Lois Lane played by

Terry Hatcher?

or

Vaginaface?

Hehe. Vaginaface. It suits her.

You know who Solid Snake is??? Amazing.


Your favorite artist on your favorite book forever

Or

You doing the art forever (granted you have talent)

My favorite artist on my favorite book.

Final fate of HUsh?

In what will be the last showdown between him and Batman, Hush is defeated in the Batcave and falls to his death. His body is recovered and buried by Bruce in a quiet ceremony.

OR?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Batman's Rogues Gallery, sick of him hogging a spotlight he doesn't deserve, jump him in Arkham Asylum and kill him. There's just enough left to properly identify him. His body is cremated.

Either way, Hush never returns.

Rogues Gallery killing him. Another fight between Batman and Hush... Hush doesn't deserve it. But I would definitely buy an issue that involved the whole of the Rogues Gallery, led by Joker, murdering and mutilating him.


Batman goes to visit Barbara. When he gets there...

she's in her kitchen standing up microwaving a bean burrito. She sees him, gasps, and quickly runs and gets back in her chair.

or

she's watching woman/horse porn.

ha ha ha! Standing at the microwave!

as Carny suggested, the rogues take down Hush. But,

does Joker lead the group and do the corny things the writers have made him do for the last N years?

or

is Joker locked up in a catatonic drugged state, unaware of the happenings, until the riot is well over?

Heh. Corny Joker--And shame on youfor not picking the horse porn!


Harley vs Tankgirl. Who wins?

Harley

Or

Tankgirl

I know this question was directed as Uschi, but...

Probably Tankgirl. It seems like she would play around less.


Realism in comics is taken a step further.



All of the heroines and supervillainesses are given crew cuts

or

All of the heroines and supervillainesses have the bodies of muscular gymnasts

Muscular gymnasts!!? That'd mean no tits! I'll take the hair cuts thankies.


Instead of Yorick being the last man on earth, it's Bruce Wayne.

Or

Joker gets to have a stint as a vampire.

I guess I'd choose B: The Last Batman.


Joker teams up with Charles Manson, then gives up after five minutes, saying "Boy, Manson is really fucked up!"

or

Batman stars in a Stanley Kubrick movie and flips out after being asked to walk through a door for the hundredth time.

Second one.

And as for the one obviously directed at me, definately Tank Girl. She's a deadeye shot, shooting.

Bruce Wayne makes his millions as a TV chef contemporary to Emeril!

or

Batman is really Jeffrey Dahmer?

Charlie Brown parody.

Bruce Wayne buys all of the abandoned warehouses in Gotham and demolishes them, except for the one that slips through their radar. Joker is concocting his latest scheme to kill Batman and laughs maniacally, when he finds that his laughter is joined by three others. He looks out the door, and sees that Two-Face, Riddler, and Poison Ivy are all planning their schemes in the next room, completely unaware of one another's presence.

or

During The Long Halloween when Ivy takes control of Bruce Wayne and takes up residence in Wayne Manor for a few weeks, there was a night where Bruce gets out of bed without Ivy telling him to. The bewildered and curious Ivy follows him through the manor and sees him go into the grandfather clock in the library. A few moments later, Batman comes out. Ivy runs up to Batman and shouts at him, "Hey! What'd you do with Bruce Wayne?!".

Question vs Rorshach, i'd love to see 'Shach beat in his head with a cleaver like he did to those 2 dogs in Watchmen



Batman participates in the reality show Big Brother along with a group of Arkham Inmates. He finds himself constantly masturbating in his anxiety to fight crime [cut to scene of disgusted look on Alfreds face]

OR

Batman participates in a cook off against the Arkham Inmates. Batman and the inmates have to taste eachothers meals afterwards, so they both decide to wack one off in in the meal




[argh, it sucks that my whole location remark doesnt fit into the post ]

Big Brother reality show! Definitely that one.



Who would you rather see translated to the animated DCU?


Lady Shiva

or

Anarchy

Anarky - only 'cause he'd look cool animated.


Cub Scouts use Firestorm's head to roast marshmallows.

or

Batman roasts the marshmallows on the ears of his cowl while he's wearing it.

Cub Scouts use Firestorm's head to roast marshmallows.


A deep dark secret is revealed about a major character. Is it...


Emma Frost is extremely gifted in skateboarding and competes in secret

or

Joker is extremely gifted in knitting mittens, but nothing else

Joker knitting mittens.


Who should appear in porn?

Hector Hammond?

or

Mageddon?

Hector Hammond! Could you imagine that?! You'd be too fixated on his obesely large head to care about the girl [or man] hes fucking.
Come to think of it, has anyone seen that fat guy with the moustache who's in the porn industry? He's really ugly, but i saw a documentry where he was nailing some pretty beatiful women. Enlarge this guys head a little and he'd be the spitting image of Hector Hammond


Riddick does he's pattented "Are you afraid of the dark?!" line and blows out the candles in the room. The lights get turned back on and everyone see's.......


Riddick having sex with warm apple pie


Or


Dancing like those crazy irish guys who smack their heels together in mid air

You mean Ron Jeremy. Supposedly he wasn't bad looking when he started in porn (considering it was the 70's) but now he's a mess.

I assume Riddick is the character Vin Diesel plays, so I'll say I'd rather see him doing Riverdance.

Since we're discussing Ron Jeremy, my next question is:


Ron Jeremy as Darkseid?

or

Ron Jeremy as Galactus?

Galactus. Seeing a giant, fat, ugly porn star about to devour the world would make my life complete

the JLA are about to commence a meeting, they proceed into that big room with the big circular JLA table. Batman opens a cupboard to get out some Bat-coffee, what falls out onto him.....


A dead Lois Lane


OR


A dead Talia


OR

A dead Wonder Woman

A dead Wonder Woman









If you could have one of these wiped from the comic book pages, which one would you erase?




Anything by DC with the word "crisis" attached to it


or


Anything by Marvel having to do with a "Secret War"




















Pick one...




















Leave one!!!

Well, I'll have to go with "Crisis" in DC for two reasons: 1) All crisis storylines are conviluted and 2) I don't read Marvel.


They bring back Ace with a twist reminescent of Cowboy Bebop so he's supersmart.

Or

Talia, in some way, programs her brain algorythms into Batman's computer and becomes its permanent AI.

Talia, in some way, programs her brain algorythms into Batman's computer and becomes its permanent AI.







Black Mast kills Jason Todd

or

Jason Todd kills Black Mask

Joker kills Jason in 1987 with the crowbar/explosive in the warehouse.

The Joker managing to flood Gotham with the toxin he fell into.

OR

Huntress gets pushed away so much that she retreats to a life of crime.

OR

When Batman, Oracle, Nightwing, Batgirl, and Huntress are trapped......Somewhere and cut off from any supplies, they decide to eat Oracle's legs when they begin to starve. With or without her consent I'll leave up to you.

Someone needs to kill BlackMask, no-one even bothered to explain how he came back from the dead, become a top-notch fighter, and somehow take over Gotham even though he's a loser. Might aswell be Todd who kills him




Metal Gear Solid 3 question


Ocelot was really a showroom dancer before working for The Patriots and become a triple agent. Theres an unlockable cutscene where he sneaks back into Big Boss' torture room and gives him a special dance

OR

Colonel Volgin was really a show room dancer before becoming an insane, bi-sexual, power hungry sadist tyrant. Theres an unlockable cutscene where he sneaks into the torture room and gives Big Boss a special dance

OR

Its revealed that the centuries old sniper, The End, was actually a show room dancer in his younger years. He comes back from the dead, infiltrates Groznjy Grad, gets out of his wheelchair, and gives Big Boss a special dance in the torture room in an unlockable cutscene

Ahh, posted too late

I'd go with the Bat-family leg feast. Now answer mine

"Ocelot was really a showroom dancer before working for The Patriots and become a triple agent. Theres an unlockable cutscene where he sneaks back into Big Boss' torture room and gives him a special dance"
Ocelot is such a penis-face.

Wonder Woman can prove you murdered Superman and comes to kill you with her ropes and toys...

or

locked in a closet with Joker and his toys?

Wonder Woman, because the death will be a bit more pleasurable.


The villainous characters from Gotham parody Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

OR

Batman needs help on a case, so he turns to Hannibal Lector.

"The villainous characters from Gotham parody Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels."
because Batman already goes to Joker for help (and Catwoman, and Ivy, etc) and that would be boring.

Superman becomes a bad guy for forever in the DCU and brings about the death of Batman

or

you get your testicals chopped off?

Well......Uh.....Superman kills current continuity Batman leaving my favored intact. (I handled that well)


Batman starts to use guns.

Or

He rapes whoever commits a crime.

Batman using guns. Just because he looked cool as an early gunslinger.

superman holding a tea party in every issue of Batman for three pages

or

Harley Quinn feeling bad for Babs Gordon and committing suicide that fails and so they're then just wheelchair buddies and stop petty crime together in their own little comic spinoff?

I would have picked rape myself. I don't want him to be a Shadow knock off. Anyway, Supes with tea.


Batman vs Tyler Durden

or

Gotham is literally lifted off the ground and carried from the solar system.

Wasnt Tyler Durden an imaginary character that Ed Norton just made up? Anyway, doesnt matter, Batman would fuck them both up, and i'd like to see it!


The Fear

or

Vamp

Dude, for fuck's sake! No spoilers!

Vamp.


Batman discovers centuries year old booty buried in the cave whilst exploring.

or

The inmates of Arkham discover an ancient Indian burial ground when tunneling their way out under the sturcture.

"The inmates of Arkham discover an ancient Indian burial ground when tunneling their out under the sturcture."
For two reasons: 1.it's been done and was retarded but I survived it. 2.batman souldn't become a necrephiliac.

A Batman comic for mature readers only is created in Vertigo. Then some fuckass writer gets on the book and turns it into a shitty porn comic

or

Some disgruntled fan destroys the entire DC company and comics are no longer made there ever.

Politicians




Drawing Batman:



Lee

or

Turner

I hate them both............Turner. At least he does the ears and billowing cape a lot bettern Lee.


Everyone on earth has to relocate to a new planet due to the deterioration of its core and the JLA spend a whole run finding a new planet.

or

A storyline where the Big Seven of the JLA turn into teenagers.

I'm not crazy about the idea of people leaving earth, so I'll go with the JLA turning into teenagers.




or

Definately the second, Jesus punishing criminals with automic weapons is something that should have been done a long time ago

You get to watch one pathetic comic writer as the star of a snuff film


Jeph Loeb [writes absolute shit in Superman/Batman]

or

Devin Grayson [ruined Nightwing title completely]

Jeph Loeb - This is a no brainer. Loeb has been writing fanboy stuff, but at least the story actually flows. Grayson can't write.

That said:



Grayson on Catwoman

or

Grayson on Nightwing

One minute, so you chose Jeph Loeb to die, even though you prefer his writing to Devin Graysons?

Devin on Catwoman, i dont care for Catwoman, atleast not as much as i used to care of rnIghtwing [seriously used to be my favourite character before she made him a pathetic crying wimp who gets smacked around and raped by women]


Hajime Saito

vs

Himura the Battousai

Oops! I guess I didn't properly read the question. I meant the other one.


Himura the Battousai - Kenshin rules!




And speaking of Kenshin...


Battousai the Man Slayer

or

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

(in a fight, of course)

Kenshin would crucify Buffy, she may have sex appeal and size on Kenshin [how come he looks like a scrawny little girl?], but thats about it, especially if he pulls out his bag of special techniques

Anyway, i've still got Kenshin fever after finishing the Kyoto saga yesterday, so.......

Makoto Shishio

vs

Seijuro Hiko the 13th

[straight up fight, special techniques used from the start, so Shishio doesnt get done in by his stupid 15 minute time limit]

You'll have to remind me who they are. I don't read the manga (yet, I may start collecting it soon), and the people running Cartoon Network are being total fucktards with the series. They were showing the Kyoto saga, and they stopped right before Kenshin's big fight with the bandaged guy (I can't remember his name). That really pissed me off. Then they started showing it from the beginning, but with Toonami only on Saturday nights, that takes a long time. Still, I enjoy all of the episodes, so I didn't mind the reruns. But then they stopped it in favor of showing an hour of Dragon Ball GT. A half hour is too much for that show. So, I'll take a raincheck on answering your question for the moment, and post this one:


If the characters of these shows faced each other in a show vs. show fight, who wins?


Dragon Ball GT

or

Dragon Ball Z

The letdowns in GT should theroretically be able to destroy the universe with a sneeze, so i'll go with them, even though DBZ seemed much more spectacular with Kid Buu destroying the Earth, Freiza running the Galaxy, all much better than that stupid 'cow man' Li-Shenron [the last bad guy from GT]

Sorry it took so long to reply, i left the last post before i went on holiday, then forgot to dig this thread out when i came back

Makato Shishio was the bandage man. He assembled the 10 fearsome warriors in the Juppongatana and planned to destabilise the Meji government and take it over with an iron fist after he served them in the revolution and they betryaed him by shooting and burning him alive because he knew too many of their dirty secrets

He took Sonosques super bone breaking punch to the face and laughed it off, made a mockery of a partially injured Hajime Saito, laughed off an injured Aoshi Sinomori's attemps at fighting him, and tore Kenshin apart thoroughly. He also got up from Kenshins ultimate attack, something deemed "Impossible!"

Seijuro Hiko was Kenshins master, basically a master swordsman up to [possibly higher] than Kenshins level, but he's alsoa bigger guy with a lot more physical strength

Hiko would be the obvious choice seen as even Kenshin basically defeated Shishio, but Shishio only technically lost because his body way over-heats after fighting for 15 minutes, so after fighting Kenshin and his little gang one-by-one and wasting 25 minutes, he accidentally burned alive [cos he was burnt alive in the revolution, his temperature was really high, only allowing him to fight in small intervals]


Anyway.....


Kenshin

vs

Daredevil


non-lethal force seen as the Battousai would tear Daredevil a new one quite easily

Of course.

Kenshin. I recently picked up the first sicx volumes of the Manga. I see where the Anime was a little different. I actually miss the doctor's grand kids. I guess the Anime brought them in to stretch out the story from the Manga into something long enough for an episode. But, the Manga is a little better overall. I'll be picking up some more volumes later this month or next.


Rurouni Kenshin

or

Hitokiri Battosai

Uh....Yeah. Hitokiri Battousai.

*cough*Losers*cough*

Since we're centering on manga now (you'll know this one Flamesword).


Who'd win in a fight?

Gutts

OR

Batman

Guts would slice Batman into pieces then spit on his grave! He'd also mock Robin and probably end up running him through with his massive sword if he got any Boy Wonder lip back from him

A Gundam

vs

Superman

Superman. Because there's no such thing as a Gundam. (Secretly, I never watched the TV show, so I can't make a pro-Gundam argument...)

All 42 Kids from Battle Royale, desperately trying to be the last to survive

OR...!

The Legion Of Super-Heroes, amnesiac and with no clue what they've stepped into (gotta even the playing field a bit)

The Legion of Superheroes, of course.


I know it's still early, but which crisis is a better read?


Crisis on Infinate Earths

or

Infinate Crisis




















Pick one...




















Leave one!!!

ZERO HOUR!!!

That wasn't one of the choices, and you have to leave one, dammit!

Angel

vs

Blade

Angel. I just don't like Blade. That movie left a bad taste in my mouth. And his appearance on the 90s Spider-Man cartoon sucked.


Swimsuit Competition:


Emma Frost the White Queen

or

Poisen Ivy

Considering that Poison Ivy basically walks around nekkid, with leaves and bushes covering her naughty bits, I'll choose her.

The return of:

Captain Carrot, or...

Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham

...to continuity?

Not being familiar with Captain Carrot, I'd have to go for the short pig version of Spider-man


Punisher movie

or

F4 movie

or

Hulk movie

I have no idea who those are, so I'll go with Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham, because that's just too funny.


F4


A while back (a long time ago, acutally) I offered some porn names for Batman characters. I think it's time we expanded the list to other books, and Marvel.


Scarlet Witch moonlights as Sexy Bitch

or

Jean Grey moonlights as Easy Lay (think Ultimate X-Men)

Scarlet Witch/Sexy Bitch. The craziness issue wouldnt bug me, she'd probably just warp reality to enlarge my Penis to an even more out-standing size than it currently is. Plus, she had torrid sex with an android, so theres hope for us all...



A lost story....

Back in the old days of the Avengers Thor once stumbled upon the Scarlet Witch and the vision having nasty, dirty sex. Asked to join in, the Thunder God readily stuck his Asgardian man beef in the Witches anus. The results left the Vision permanently scarred for life as he was tossed aside like a broken toaster and forced to watch his woman have hardcore sex with a God, for 2 straight hours. Because Visions crazy robotic sensors were still linked to the Witch during the act, he feels phantom pains of an incredible weapon of enermous size being forced into his anus now and again. He explains these as mere 'malfunctions', but only he knows the truth....


OR


Its revealed that, back when Batman and Wonder Woman were dating, the Martian Manhunter, feeling lonely, impersonated the Dark Knight when it was just him and Dianna on the Watchtower. Dianna, being a horny little slut, forced who she thought was Batman into the Janitors closet and proceeded to work his anus with a strap on, Amazonian made dildo. Staggering out of the closet, his Martian anus raw with pain, J'onn wiped the event from Dianna's memory. To this very day, J'onn still feels the phantom anus pain every time he see's Wonder Woman.....

Its revealed that, back when Batman and Wonder Woman were dating, the Martian Manhunter, feeling lonely, impersonated the Dark Knight when it was just him and Dianna on the Watchtower. Dianna, being a horny little slut, forced who she thought was Batman into the Janitors closet and proceeded to work his anus with a strap on, Amazonian made dildo. Staggering out of the closet, his Martian anus raw with pain, J'onn wiped the event from Dianna's memory. To this very day, J'onn still feels the phantom anus pain every time he see's Wonder Woman.....




The Batverse is rebooted, and it's up to you to decide who gets retconned! (This would make a great thread of serious comic discussion, but for our purposes...)



Instead of adopting Dick Grayson, Batman adopts Stephanie Brown, thus finally ending the whole gay inuendo nonsense. However, this leads to questions in the media asking if Bruce is a pedophile, having taken in a young girl.


or


Selina Kyle is replaced with Helena Bertinelli, the murderous vigilante, as Batman's love interest. Batman desperately tries to reel her in before she reaches the point of no return.

Instead of adopting Dick Grayson, Batman adopts Stephanie Brown, thus finally ending the whole gay inuendo nonsense. However, this leads to questions in the media asking if Bruce is a pedophile, having taken in a young girl.

Sounds more real world to me. The Joker could be a horrifying letch who walks about in a purple and green overcoat and flashes people...



A dashing young homosexual lad named, Dick Grayson, recaps how he came to question his sexuality. It was a day like any other when he walked in on his adoptive father.....


...Dancing on a Bat-Pole in a skimpy new Batman outfit that shows far too much flesh

OR

...Working over a criminal with repeated smacks to his face with a lubed dildo

OR

...Cooking in the kitchen with nothing but a 'Kiss The Cook' apron on

OR

...Sleeping. Then he walked into the next room and saw Alfred watching pornography completely naked

...Sleeping. Then he walked into the next room and saw Alfred watching pornography completely naked

[shudder]


There can only be one:


A world with Superman and Hawkgirl/woman

or

A world with Hawkman and Supergirl/woman

A world with Hawkman/Supergirl.

There can be only one (hopefully nobody's already done this one - I'm not reading 230+ posts to check)

Kevin Smith finishes "Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil Men Do"

or

Kevin Smith finishes "Daredevil/Bullseye: The Target"

Kevin Smith finishes "Daredevil/Bullseye: The Target"

I only read some of the Spidey/Black Cat one, and I didn't care for it all.



Your favorite comic book hero at DC finally gets some continuity (by that I mean a great writer and artist telling a great serialized story for the next five years without any fill-ins, cross-overs, or outside interference of any kind), but the art is Manga (like Batman: Child Of Dreams)

or

Your favorite comic book hero at DC finally getting your favorite artist with no fill-ins, cross-overs, or outside interference for the next five years, but the writer constantly changes so it seems like every year/year and a half some characters are forgotten about since the new writer wants to do his/her own thing regardless of what happened before.

Child of Dreams is one of my favourite Batman stories anyway, so I'll go with the 1st one. Manga on Batman would be a little weird, but better than assholes always trying to make a name for themselves on one of your favourite characters

613: He's already finishing Spidey/Black Cat. It got upped to 6 issues instead of 5, but is apparently due to come out in the next few months according to the solicits




A sadistic mad-man captures you, sits you in a chair, tapes your eyes open and forces you to watch some horrific images. Which is the worst....



Penwing dressed up as Poison Ivy [I say 'dressed up', what I really mean is 'leafed up']

OR

Joe Mama in a leather Catwoman outfit

OR

Pariah in a Scarlet Witch costume

OR

TK as Harley Quinn


I was gonna put myself in, but i've never posted a pic here, so it'd be pointless

Pariah as Scarlet Witch. Though nothing beats having to watch Flameswordsman try to make a well-reasoned, informed argument. The horror...the horror...



Would you rather have the unenviable task of cleaning up, streamlining, and generally making the X-line a coherent franchise?

or

Do you want the job doing the same thing to Batman AND Superman?

Batman and Superman. Batman would be easy, and Superman could just fuck off and die!

Joe's avatar

VS

Penwing's avatar

PenWing's avatar, of course. Here's how that works: Joe's avatar needs PenWing's avatar to win the fight, so either way, it becomes PenWing's avatar vs. PenWing's avatar, and PenWing's avatar wins!

Try saying that really, really fast.

By the way, I have yet to post an image of myself on the boards, FSW.



You get to write your favorite comic book character, but you have to incorporate a major crossover event in the only arc you are signed on to write.

or

You get to write a character that goes against everything you beleive in, but it's a long term gig with no cross-overs, and you have total control (except you can't change the core of the character, which you so desperately want to rewrite).

Chewy kicking ass. Nowhereman helping people would just creep you out and send a shiver down your spine everytime he commits a good deed


You wake up in a parralell world, go down stairs for breakfast, and see 3 naked man cooking bacon for you, all with unhealthily large erections and creepy smiles on their faces. Who are these horny, naked man.... [pick 3]


Batman

OR

Superman

OR

Vision [robotic penis and all]

OR

Iron Man [full metal suit, just with the helmet off and penis hanging out]

OR

Hulk

OR

Lex Luthor

OR

Joker

OR

Apocalypse

OR

Odin

OR

Wally West/Flash

OR

Barry Allen/Flash [fleshy bits hanging off his decomposing corpse]






PICK ONE! LEAVE ONE!

ace - krypto has super poo.
--


infinite crisis

or

identity crisis

Identity Crisis



or

Batzarro

or

Bizarro