RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Writer's Block JLR War

Chantania…

CJ: Now what?

RM552: [using his enhanced vision to look beyond Earth’s atmosphere] The Moon! It’s gravitational orbit… it… it’s heading towards the Earth!

CJ: But that will cause massive devastation!

RM552: Especially if it doesn’t stop.

The Tower of Earth’s guardian…

Mr. Popo: Oh no. Midnight Spectre is too late.

Dende: [looking worriedly towards the doorway to The Room of Spirit and Time] It looks that way my friend.

At the Convention arena, the Fantastic Faux had been watching the thrilling battle of False Superboy, False Robin and the False Super Cycle vs. Ace, Vegi-La and Ace Rimmer’s bike, when the whole venue started trembling, quickly increasing into a full-blown…

False Invisible Woman: Earthquake!

False Hellcat: Quick lets get out of here!

False Rogue: Scaredy cat!

False Hellcat: Hey. Some of us aren’t invulnerable, sugah!

False Dr. Strange: There is wisdom, in Hellcat’s words though…

Hundreds of fake superheroes make a dash for the door.

Ace: Wait! No matter where you run, you can’t escape this destruction!

False Superboy: [landing a punch on Ace’s chin, knocking the hero off Ace Rimmer’s bike] What are you talking about, it’s just an earthquake?

Vegi-La: Ace is right. [Vegi-La, grabs hold of False Superboy with a vine whip and throws him into the nearest barricade] This is The Chanterator’s doing.

False Robin: [Leaping towards the vegibeastal hero] Who?

Vegi-La: You know… Chant.

False Superboy: [Pulling himself out of the barricade and hurling himself towards Ace] I thought Chant was hanging with you bozos now?

Ace: [Dodging out of the way, and flicking a diamond-edged card at the False Boy of Steel] Not only has he gone back to his evil ways. He is now omniscient. He has somehow harnessed the power of The Narrator. We’re trying to find his whereabouts, so we can stop him.

False Superboy: Yeah, pull the other one. [False Superboy goes to punch Ace again]

False Robin: [grabbing hold of False Superboy’s wrist] Wait, Karl. This earthquake has been going on for some time now. Maybe they’re right?

False Mr. Fantastic: Superboy, Robin, hold. The heroes are telling the truth. Doctor Strange has picked up some unnatural forces at work.

False Dr. Strange: Yes, Mr. Fantastic. This is no mere earthquake. I detect some powerful force dragging the Moon closer to the Earth.

Fantastic Faux, Ace & Vegi-La: What!

Vegi-La: Man. This is worse than we thought. How are we gonna stop the Moon crashing into the Earth?

Ace: By stoping Chant. Then we get Fake Doc Strange here, to put the Moon back.

False Dr. Strange: What the hell? You’re kidding right?

Ace: Look whoever you are, Chant gave you the power of Doctor Strange for goodness sakes. If anyone can put the Moon back it’s you!

False Dr. Strange: Maybe Silver Surfer is better suited to this sort of thing?

False Rogue: Sorry sugah, he’s the Silver Salt-Shaker now.

False Dr. Strange: Huh?

Indeed, hundreds of false superheroes have been transformed into pillars of salt.

False Mr. Fantastic: What? How many of us are left?

False Invisible Woman: Besides the four of us, Superboy, Robin, Namor, Fire, Captain Atom, Gambit, Wonder Woman, Venom, and the Hulk.

False Doctor Strange: Right, I’m outta here…

Ace: No. You have to help. If you don’t, you’re as good as dead!

False Dr. Strange: And if I do, I’m certainly going to end up dead. I’m still outta here.

False Captain Atom: It’s a bit academic now, Doc. All the exits are blocked by salty-superhero-statues.

False Doctor Strange: We’re all gonna die! [Turning to Ace and Vegi-La] So how you going to stop Chant now, heroes? You cant’ get out.

Ace: We have my Rimmer bike.

False Mr. Fantastic: What you do in your own time is your own business, sicko.

Fantastic Faux:

False Venom: He said Rimmer.

Ace: I meant Ace Rimmer’s bike! Ace Rimmer’s bike!

Vegi-La: What he means is the bike can teleport us out of here.

False Dr. Strange: Great. But how are we going to defeat someone who can move the Moon for craps sake!?! There’s only 13 of us!

False Wonder Woman: I don’t know. But we have to try something.

False Namor: Plus it will be good to get back at Chant, for leaving us in the lurch during the Convention.

Vegi-La: And remember. You guys won’t be alone. You’ll be with the JLR!

False Superboy: That’s what I’m afraid of.

Vegi-La: We whipped your ass, Super Dud!

Ace: Not now, La! The Convention venue is about to collapse. Quick everyone. Get on the Super Cycle and Ace Rimmer’s bike.

Ace, Vegi-La and the faux heroes clamber onto the two bikes, using False Mr. Fantastic to tie a tether between both bikes.

False Mr. Fantastic: Hey you could have asked first.

Vegi-La: But we still have no idea where Chant is.

Ace: First things, first pal. We gotta pull the team back together. First stop Chantania.

And with the whine of engines, the two bikes and their occupants disappear just as the convention venue collapses…

Doesntreallyexistia

The Amazing Spider Monkey: Um, Es… Things are getting rougher.

Napoleon: … And darker.

Esmarelda: I had noticed, fellas.

Sparky: This is getting surreal… [Sparkly transforms into Thundercat, flies up and blasts a piece of falling masonry] I thought this was supposed to be a straightforward war story?

Esmarelda: So did I. But we still need to find the real King. If the IRG were behind his kidnapping, then we should find him at the local library.

Napoleon: Or the local post office.

TASM: Do the IRG have the power to cause earthquakes and eclipses?

Esmarelda: I didn’t think so. But that Inspector Gadget might.

Napoleon: You know. He looked familiar. I’m sure I’ve seen him around before.

TASM: Inspector Gadget reruns perhaps?

Thundercat: Maybe we should head back and team up with ACDC again. This is beyond the four of us now.

Esmarelda: Look, there’s the library up ahead. We’ll rescue the King, then go back to the castle and offer ACDC any help they need.

Suddenly a geyser of hot molten magma springs up between our heroic animal sidekicks and the library.

TASK Force: Eek!

Thundercat: There’s no way we’re going to get through that.

Napoleon: But what about the King?

TASM: Hopefully, he isn’t in there. So now what Es? Back to the castle?

Esmarelda: No. We protect the civilians and get them out of the way of that mini volcano. JLR – TASK Force – ASSEMBLE!

Olympus

Britannica: What do you mean, you can’t help us!?! Haven’t you noticed the plagues? The earthquakes? The eclipse? The Earth needs the aid of the gods of Olympus!

Zeus: Tis not like we don’t want to help thee mortal, it’s just that soon the decision will be taken out of thine hands.

Di Bat Pho: What are you talking about?

*BLINK*

The Chanterator: He would be talking about me, toots.

Brit: Chant!

The Chanterator: Can't you read? It’s The Chanterator now. But before Britannica can answer the gods of Olympus are transported to another realm. That of the Teletubbies message board.

Zeus: See, mortal. I told you sooooooooooooooooo*

*BLINK*

DBP: The Teletubbies?

Brit: That’s inhuman!

The Chanterator: And with that, the Multiversal Mailmaster bids his arch-foe, adieu. Adieu.

*BLINK*

DBP: So what do we do now, my love?

Brit: For once. I don’t have an answer.

The lone Midnight Spectre 2.0 traverses The Room of Spirit and Time, fighting against the raging maelstrom...

MS2: Must focus.

Zues: Doesn’t thoust think thee have already wasted enough time in here?

MS2: Zues!?! How did you get in here?

Zues: I am a god. I can do anything I please. But mine question still stands.

MS2: If you must know, the others think I’m here for more training. But I’m on a mission to locate dun_like_dinner. This was his last known location.

Zues: My son is not here.

MS2: Your son!?!

Zues: Thine godly sight, can see events are slipping away from thee. Perhaps tis time that I returned to thine godly kingdom. Come Brian A. Ortiz. Methinks, that mine son will be pleased to see thee.

FA-FOOM

And now the Room of Spirit and Time stands empty.

Castle Doesntreallyexistia

Sue-ee: Oh, my head. Why do I feel so wobbly?

Sue-ee, leader of ACDC looks upon the chaos in front of the castle. ACDC members and Doesntreallyexistian Royal Guards are lying everywhere, having been knocked off their feet by the latest shockwave.

Nick: Sue! Glad to see you’re awake at last. This mission has gone pair shaped.

Sue-ee: It went pair shaped ages ago. What’s the situation?

Nick: The IRG has escaped. So have Peter, Sparky and TASK Force. ACDC were in battle with the Doesntreallyexistian Royal Guard, when the Earthquakes started. Now it looks like there is an unscheduled eclipse.

Sue-ee: Some days, it’s just not worth getting out of the stye. Dolly!

Dolly: Yes, Commander?

Sue-ee: What’s causing this eclipse?

Dolly: My sensors indicate that the Moon’s orbit is degrading.

Nick: Huh?

Dolly: The Moon is getting closer to the Earth.

Nick: Holly crap!
Sue-ee: eek!

Dolly: This phenomenon is resulting in the increased geological activity we are experiencing.

Nick: …

Sue-ee: Earthquakes.

Dolly: However, the cause for the degrading orbit is unknown at this stage. Also unknown is the cause of the reported worldwide meteorite bombardment, the plague of Rolf Harris’ throughout the United Kingdom and the cause of the River Figmentofmyimagination changing it’s chemical composition from H2O into a haemoglobin/plasma/DNA composition

Nick: Huh?

Sue-ee: From water into blood.

Dick Johnson: Agggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get me outta here. It’s disgusting!!!!!!

Sue-ee: OK Dolly. Translate for me.

Dolly: Proceed.

Sue-ee via Dolly: Captain. The situation is beyond the capabilities of your guards. We offer our assistance in evacuating the castle.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Excuse me talking sheep, but I’ll have you know that we are Doesntreallyexistian’s finest. We have complete control of our facilities… and our faculties, thank you.

Private Screening: Is that why he’s talking to a sheep?

Sergeant Pepper: Private. That is no way to talk about your Captain!

Private Screening: Sorry Sir.

Sergeant Pepper: That’s better. Everyone saw the sheep talk first.

Sue-ee via Dolly: Dolly is merely translating my words into Doesntreallyexistian. [Dolly indicates Sue-ee] I am Sue-ee, Commander of ACDC.

Captain: ACDC?

Sue-ee via Dolly: Animals of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia Collective

Private Property: That’s cute.

Sue-ee via Dolly: It is time to put this silly war between Doesntreallyexistia and Chantania to rest. This is now a matter of survival.

Corporal Punishment: But Chantania fired a big pointy flying thing at us. We can’t let that go unpunished.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Oh, Sergeant Pepper…

Sergeant Pepper: Corporal Punishment! You will not interrupt the Captain!

Corporal Punishment: Sorry Sir.

Sergeant Pepper: You have been a very bad Corporal, Corporal. Go administer a flogging.

Corporal Punishment: Yes Sir…

Sergeant Pepper: Captain.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Thank you Sergeant. [The Captain turns his attention back to Sue-ee] But Chantania fired a big pointy flying thing at us. We can’t let that go unpunished.

Sue-ee via Dolly: The missile was fired by the Injustice Reality Gang. They have been engineering the war between Doesntreallyexistia and Chantania.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Missile? Engineering? What are these strange words you are using? We’re medieval dontcha know.

A voice from behind a bush: And so is Chantania.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Who said that?

Sergeant Pepper: It was the bush sir.

Dolly: It is Toxic Bob.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Show yourself!

Toxic Bob: I can’t you idiots. You left me tied up!

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Sergeant. I thought I ordered that all civilians were to be released?

Sergeant Pepper: Yes you did Captain.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Then would you like to explain…? [The Captain points to Toxic Bob]

Sergeant Pepper: Corporal!

Corporal Punishment: [in the distance] Bad Corporal…

Sergeant Pepper: Corporal Punishment!!!

Corporal Punishment: [sticking his head over the ridge] Yes Sergeant?

Sergeant Pepper: Would you like to explain… [points to Toxic Bob]

Corporal Punishment: The Captain’s orders were to release the civilians, sir. He didn’t mention anything about the Prince of our sworn enemy, sir.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: And rightly so. You followed my orders precisely.

ACDC and the Privates:

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Give that man a medal, Sergeant.

Sergeant Pepper: Yes sir.

Corporal Punishment:

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: So who are these Injustice Reality Gang?

Sue-ee via Dolly: The civilians you released.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Sergeant. Who released the IRG?

Sergeant Pepper: That would have been Privates Parts, Property and Screening, sir.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Put them on report.

The Privates:

Suddenly a massive form shambles up the hill towards the group.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: What the? Another plague?

Dolly: It is Princess Chantina of Chantania.

Toxic Bob: Petal! You found me, thank goodness.

Chantina: urgle google oogle.

The husband and wife kiss, as everyone else looks away in disgust. Chantina unties her husband’s bonds, then turns to Captain Doesntreallyexistia.

Chantina: Shoogle froogle frump.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: umm…

Dolly: Princess Chantina proposes a truce in this time of cataclysm, and offers the hand of neighbourly friendship, as the two great kingdoms of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia weather this storm together.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: umm…

Sue-ee via Dolly: They want to stop fighting, and want the two countries to help each other against the plagues.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Oh. Why didn’t you say so?

Private Property: Great. Now that we’re all friends can we start evacuating the castle? It’s looking a little wobbly…

Chantania.

CJ: No time for subtlety.

RM552: Agreed.

Dakota: Hey, don’t ask my opinion! *

The two heroes and the de-powered rabbit break down the main door, gaining entrance to the castle. Taking advantage of the guard’s confusion during recent events, they are able to quickly make their way to the King’s war room.

King Chantawanta: King Registered Member 552.5!

RM552: [looking around] Where?

CJ: [whispering] He means you.

RM552: [whispering back] I knew that. [then addressing the King in a clear loud voice] Yes King… of Chantania. It has been a long time. Your daughter’s wedding wasn’t it?

King Chantawanta: First you attack my beloved kingdom with a flying pointy thingy. Now you rub in the fact that by beloved daughter ended up marrying that odorous excuse for a son-in-law instead of you! Do you know how much we have to spend on air-freshener now?

CJ: Flying pointy thingy? You mean a missile?

King Chantawanta: Ah ha! So you admit it! Lucky for you a bunch of animals brought it down in an empty field.

CJ: [grasping hold of RM552’s arm] He must mean our animal sidekicks!

Dakota: Nah. It was probably ACDC. *

CJ: Are the animals OK, your highness?

King Chantawanta: I believe one of them chipped a tooth.

RM552: Well the missile wasn’t fired by Doesntreallyexistia.

CJ: [whispering again] How do you know?

RM552: [whispering back again] Because the Doesntreallyexistian people are civilised. And besides, they’re also medieval.

CJ: I thought Doesntreallyexistia was former communist? With a scientific program and everything? Isn’t that how you got your powers?

RM552: Doesntreallyexistia had a scientific program. They got kicked out when we took over.

CJ: We?

King Chantawanta: Perhaps it was He-Chant?

The two heroes snap out of their private conversation.

RM552: He-Chant?

HauptMannPriest: [crawling out from under the table] He means Chant. He tried to take us over about an hour and a half ago.

RM552: He must have been behind the war.

Dakota: No. It was the IRG!!! *

CJ: Hey, calm down, little bunny.

Dakota:

RM552: King… I propose that we join forces against Chant.

King Chantawanta: Who?

RM552: Um. He-Chant.

King Chantawanta: Agreed. Generalissimo!

Generalissimo: [crawling out from under the table too] Yes my liege?

King Chantawanta: Martial our armies. We’ve got two countries to save.

Generalissimo: Yes my liege. [Generalissimo departs, looking for the Messenger to martial the armies of Chantania]

Suddenly everyone hears the whining down of engines, then they see two bikes appear, carrying 15 bodies.

CJ: Ace! Vegi-La!

Ace: Heya Ceej!

RM552: I see you’ve brought reinforcements.

Vegi-La: Don’t get too excited. They’re the fake heroes from the convention.

CJ & RM552: Oh.

False Mr. Fantastic: Hey, we have a team name now you know! We are the Fantastic Faux!

RM552: We’ve had a few foes in our day. You weren’t that fantastic.

CJ: Fantastic Pho? Fantastic Street? That doesn’t make sense.

False Mr. Fantastic: Faux. F. A. U. X.

King Chantawanta: Damn French.

False Gambit: Zere iz nothing wrong with ze French mon ami.

Vegi-La: You may have a team name, but you’re still running around calling yourselves after real heroes.

False Mr. Fantastic: We’ll show you. I will now be called… Mr. Spectacular!

JLR:

False Dr. Strange: And I will now be known as Dr. Peculiar!

JLR:

False Invisible Woman: And I am now the Invisible Hermaphrodite!

Everyone:

False Rogue: How about Syphon?

Ace: Oh yeah

False Fire: Verde Fogo - Portuguese for Green Fire.

False Gambit: La Dealer

False Superboy: Super Dude

Vegi-La: Still think Super Dud’s better.

False Robin: Acro-Bat.

False Wonder Woman: I am now Warrior Woman

False Namor: Well I’m sticking with Namor.

RM552: How about Flying Fish Man?

Flying Fish Man: :mad:

Syphon: So what are we going to call those two? [pointing to Venom and the Hulk]

Mr. Spectacular: For Venom, how about Symbiote?

Dr. Peculiar: Oh, very original.

Mr. Spectacular: Don’t see you coming up with anything better.

Warrior Woman: Perhaps the Jolly Green Paper Golem for the Hulk?

JLR:

Da Bomb: It’ll do.

Ace: Well now that you have that out of your system. CJ. RM…

RM552: Your Majesty, if you don’t mind. [using his head to indicate King Chantawanta]

Ace: Eh? Right… your majesty… Dr. Peculiar here says Chant is pulling the Moon towards the Earth.

CJ: We know. We’ve enlisted some help ourselves. The King here has offered the armies of Chantania.

Ace: That’s great!

Vegi-La: What about the armies of Doesntreallyexistia?

RM552: Well I’ll have to ask them first.

King Chantawanta: Ask!?!

RM552: Eh. Command. Yes, I meant command.


* Of course Dakota speaks rabbit. Unfortunately CJ, RM552 or any of the others don’t.

FA FOOM

Midnight Spectre fought against the wave of disorientation and nausea. Not from the teleportation effect, but because of his new surroundings.

His ears were bombarded with blaring noise. The stench was sickening. And blinding flashing coloured light was making him giddy.

Midnight focused within himself. Calming… Controlling his baser instincts, wiping away his initial nausea, enough to take in more of his surroundings.

The noise was still unbearably loud. The continuos beat, felt like a physical force. The smell was not much better. The room was dark, but the flashing and strobing coloured light, was just enough to see further into the gloomy room.

The next thing Midnight noticed was that he was standing on a raised gantry, looking down onto a massive pit. The pit was filled with thousands of scantly clad writhing bodies. The smell of sweat and other bodily fluids mixed with smoke rose from the pit. He looked away from this unholy sight and noticed that the coloured lights were being reflected and refracted by strange mirror balls-like objects, literally suspended in mid-air. Midnight couldn’t see any wire connecting them to the ceiling.

Then he noticed Zues standing next to him.

MS2: [shouting above the din] What is this place? Is this Hell?

Zues: Ha Ha! [slapping Midnight Spectre 2.0 on the back] Nay mortal. Welcome to thine home. Welcome to the realm of the Partyon

MS2: The Partyon? [He scans his surroundings again]. It’s a giant nightclub… a rave party!

Midnight Spectre 2.0 finally discovers the source of the light and noise. A woman, dressed in baggy pants and tank top, with a long overcaot.

MS2:

Zues: Mine daughter, Raevon. Goddess of DJ's and party tunes. But I see the land of Mosh is not to thy tastes, Midnight Spectre. Let us depart for more… sedate surrounds.

Midnight Spectre is surprised that Zues did not teleport them again, but rather guided the hero to a door located behind them.

The door led them out into a large courtyard. The sky ablaze with bursts of reds, yellows, blues and oranges.

MS2: Fireworks?

Zues: Probably Pompus’ doing. He is the god of celebrations. All these parties can be very wearying, after a while. Tis why I left for the land of mortals.

MS2: I can imagine... Hang on. I thought you were created by a spelling mistake? How did you end up with a history and culture, all of a sudden?

But Zues does not answer, as he spots a tall, dark woman with her back to them. She has long dreadlocks and is dressed in a black leather jacket and pants. It looks like she is standing guard.

Zues calls out to her.

Zues: Greetings Bounca!

The woman instantly spins around, raising her fists and adopting a battle stance. Midnight Spectre 2.0 reflexively adopts a similar pose. He instinctively scans his opponent. Tall, swarthy and muscular. Yet somehow feminine at the same time. As Wednesday would probably say – bouncy. He can’t see the woman’s eyes, as she wears a pair of trendy sunglasses, similar to a visor. She shows no sign of emotion. Until she realises who called out to her.

Bounca: High Father!

Zues: High yourself! Did thee miss me?

The goddess walks up to the High Father, with open arms. Zues reciprocates. However, rather than hugging, Bounca punches Zues right on the jaw, sending him sprawling to the ground.

Midnight glows with blue energy, ready to protect the fallen god.

Zues: Hold mortal. Tis just Bounca’s way of showing she cares.

Bounca: [helping Zues up off the ground] Tis indeed good to see you oh Father. Tis been too long since the Partyon have looked upon thine countenance. Pompus will no doubt wish to organise a celebration.

Zues: No doubt.

Bounca: [looking appreciatively at Midnight Spectre 2.0] So this is a mortal. Is he a present?

Midnight Spectre turns a slight shade of scarlet.

Zues: Ha Ha. Of sorts daughter. But not for thee.

Bounca: Pity. The mortal looks like he could handle a rough time.

Zues: This is Midnight Spectre 2.0 of the Justice League Reality.

Bounca: The Justice League Reality…? Ah! The heroes’ dun_like_dinner speaks of. Though he hath not mentioned Midnight Spectre before.

MS2: He knew me as (young)Nightwing

Bounca: Ah yes.

MS2: Look, time is running out. Is dun_like_dinner here or not?

Zues: Indeed. Bounca, we must call together the Partyon levee.

Outside Castle Doesntreallyexistia.

Corporal Punishment: The civilians have been evacuated from the castle and secured in the old underground bunker, Sir.

Sergeant Pepper: Very good, Corporal.

Corporal Punishment: Though there was no sign of the King.

Private Parts: And now the Captain has disappeared.

---------------------

Nick: Putting the population in an underground bunker? Are they mad?

Dolly: The bunker is from the old scientific era. It was designed to withstand a direct strike from nuclear warheads.

Toro: So what do we do now, Sue-ee?

Sue-ee: We establish the closest township in trouble and we go and help out.

Peta Gunn: It’s going to be a loooong day.

Sue-ee: Dolly, patch me through to Nightwing Squadron.

Dolly: Patching through now, Commander.

Sue-ee: Come in Nightwing 1. This is Sue-ee, please respond…

A burst of static comes from Dolly’s audio-relay circuits.

Dolly: Excuse me.

Sue-ee: What’s wrong?

Dolly: Several communication satellites have gone off-line. I am attempting to re-route our communication systems now. Please proceed.

Sue-ee: Nightwing 1, do you copy? Over.

Hooters, the owl (Nightwing 1): Barely, Commander. Over.

Sue-ee: What is your situation? Over.

Hooters: Nightwing Squadron is now flying over the Town Square. A small volcano has erupted in front of the library. Over

Sue-ee: Copy that. We’ll be able to assist in 15 minutes. Over.

Hooters: Copy that. Mobile Unit Gamma, are approximately 10 minutes behind us. But, it looks like some ACDC operatives are already evacuating civilians. Over.

Nick: We don’t have any operatives in that sector?

Sue-ee: He must mean Peter and Sparky. Copy that Nightwing 1. Assist in the evacuation. We’ll be there stat. Over and out. Dolly, please translate again.

Dolly: Proceed.

Sue-ee via Dolly: Princess, Captain. I believe we have our next mission.

Toxic Bob: Where are we going?

SvD: Town Square. A volcanic geyser has erupted in front of the library.

Chantina: Gargle thog!

Toxic Bob: Yes. But where is the Captain?

Captain Doesntreallyexistia staggers out of the castle, carrying a large wooden chest. He makes his way over to the group, dropping the chest with a large thud.

*LARGE THUD*

Private Screening: Doing a spot of treasure hunting Sir?

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: No Private. [the Captain takes an old-fashioned brass key out of his pocket, crouches down and unlocks the large padlock securing the chest] Desperate times call for desperate measures. [Captain Doesntreallyexistia starts to undress down to his boxers]

Everyone:

Private Parts: Get a room, will ya.

Private Property: He did say he was desperate...

Private Screening: But come on, there are appropriate times and places.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia removes a suit of armour from the chest and puts it on. The armour consists of purple, blue and brown (the national colours of Doesntreallyexistia) plate-mail breast place, over blue chain mail. There is a large blue letter D on the middle of his chest. The Captain removes a purple helmet, which he places on his head. The helmet covers the top part of his face, though there are eye slots for him to look out of. There are to large brown metal wings protruding from the helmet’s temples and a blue D printed on the forehead. Finally, the Captain removes a large heavy shield. Once more in purple, blue and brown. Once again a blue D appears in the middle.

Sergeant Pepper: Who would have thought? Captain Doesntreallyexistia being Doesntreallyexistia’s national hero – Captain Doesntreallyexistia

ACDC, Chantina, Toxic Bob, Corporal Punishment & the Privates:

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Now, what was that about a volcano?

Inside Castle Doesntreallyexistia.

5 minutes later.

Ace, Vegi-La, Cowgirl Jack, Registered Member #552, Dakota, the Fantastic Faux, King Chantawanta, HauptMannPriest, Generalissimo and 10,000 Chantanian infantry appear in the Great Hall.

Ace: I think we’re going to have to give the engines a rest. [Ace waves away a wisp of smoke coming form the engines] I don’t think Rimmer’s bike was designed to carry this many people, even with the help of the Fake Super Cycle.

Mr. Spectacular: And what about the help of Mr. Spectacular? Oh me achin’ back. And I would appreciate it if all these soldiers could get off me now!

King Chantawanta: So, King Registered Member 552.5, where are your armies?

RM552: ummm…

Vegi-La: They must have high-tailed it during the earthquakes.

King Chantawanta: Hah! So much for the bravery of Doesntreallyexistia’s mighty armies!

RM552: I’m sure they’re off bravely doing some mighty army-type duties.

King Chantawanta:

RM552: Oh, for Gobs sake! Let’s just go pick up Wednesday!

She-Chant’s lair…

The Amazing Harry: Geez, you couldn’t have installed windows in this place could ya? We have no idea what’s going on out there.

She-Chant: Well I don’t know – Windows in super villain’s secret lairs isn’t really in fashion this year!

Bundy Bear: It’d be a lot healthier.

SC: What?

BB: Well ya know, natural light, fresh air. Better than air-conditioning.

SC: Well if you want a window, get Harry to create one. He is a magician. Sort of.

TAH: Hey! :mad: I’ll show you…

The Amazing Harry closes his eyes. His brow furrows in concentration as he starts mumbling an incantation. He makes mysterious gestures, only known to him, with his hands.

Tractor-Trailer Bob: I’ve got the tractor out back. Maybe we should just make a run for it?

Superfly Sr.: Sounds good to me.

Mr. Misinformation: Will you lot shut up a moment. I’m trying to interrogate the prisoner.

Wednesday: Look, I’ve already told you. Chant has stolen the power of The Narrator and is using it to create plagues across the world. What more do you need to know?

SC: Nothing really. We just like interrogations, don’t we Honeycomb?

MM: It’s what we do best, Snuggle bunny.

Wed: Sickos.

TAH: Ah Ha! Doubt my magical abilities will you. What do ya think of this?

Everyone looks and inspects The Amazing Harry’s handiwork – a large ornate stained-glass window depicting the events of the last supper and crucifixion of Christ.

TTB, BB & SFs: [*clapclapclap*] Bravo! Well done, Sir! Magnificent! [*clapclapclap*]

SC: So you going to open it?

TAH: Open it? Um…

SC: You created a window, you can’t open.

TAH: Just a minor technicality. Just give me a moment to…

SC: Forget it. [She-Chant picks up a chair] Out of the way boys.

TTB, BB, SFs: [who have been marvelling at the detail of the window turn around] Huh? [to see She-Chant rush at them with a chair] [they get out of the way just as…]

*SMASH*
*Smash*
*Smash*
*Smash*
*Smash *
*Smash *
*Smash*

TTB, BB, SFs: Philistine. No artistic taste, whatsoever. What a waste.

SC: [tossing the chair to one side and wiping her hands] There you go, now lets see… Hey! It’s pitch black out there!

SFs: But its only 4 o’clock in the afternoon.

Superfly Sr. moves closer to the window to look outside.

Wed: I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Somebody get me out of these chains.

After a brief inspection, Superfly Sr. turns to talk to his teammates.

SFs: Well I can’t see anything out…

He notices that his teammates aren’t looking at him, but rather past him.

SFs: Hey, do you mind? I’m speaking here… how rude.

He then notices his teammates slowly backing away, fear etched on their faces.

SFs: What’s up?

BB: [pointing and mouthing the words “behind you”]

Superfly Sr. slowly turns to look out the window. A giant luminous reptilian eye looks back at him. The pupil focuses on the super pimp, as he lets out a girly scream.

SFs: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!

The Injustice Reality Gang turn and make a run for it, as a giant clawed hand rips off the roof.

IRG: Aghh!

A giant two-legged lizard stares down at them. It has bony plates on it’s back. Standing next to the lizard is a giant gorilla, above them hovers a giant moth.

IRG: Aaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

The IRG scarper for the door.

Wed: What about me?

*SLAM*

Wed: It isn’t fair.

Outside…

TTB: Are they who I think they are?

MM: Yes. Godzilla, King Kong and Mothra.

The IRG go to dash over to Tractor-Trailer Bob’s tractor when a baby deer walks out from behind it.

TAH: It’s not another one of those ACDC TASK Force animals is it?

SC: No. I’d recognise that baby deer anywhere. It’s Bambi!

The IRG heave a sigh of relief.

TTB: Oh is that all. I’ve seen Bambi and Godzilla vs. Bambi, he shouldn’t be a problem.

BB: [pushing his contemporaries to one side] Allow me. I’m a Polar Bear. He’s a baby Deer. I’m higher on the food chain. Excuse me. [Bundy Bear walks off to take care of the baby Deer]

Rrrrrrraaaaaagggggghhhhhhhhh
Eeeeek
Claw Claw
Ow
Bite Bite
helpme
Rip
Mother!
Tear
Shred
Boot
Wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Oooooooo

IRG: urgh

Bundy Bear staggers back, with his fur ripped off, a broken paw and an ear missing.

MM: Obviously you haven’t seen the Disney Nasty - Bambi goes Ape-Bonkers with a Drill and Sex...

BB: We’ll never get past that thing.

Just then Godzilla and King Kong appear from around the corner of the building, looking down upon the villains.

IRG: Eek!

The throne room at Mount Olympus.

Britannica is sitting on Zeus’ throne, inspecting a gold plate with little interest.

Di Bat Pho: You are sulking.

Brit: Am not.

DBP: Are too.

Brit: C-3PO.

DBP: Pardon.

Brit: Sorry. I thought we were word associating.

DBP: Surely there is something we can do here?

Brit: [tossing the gold plate to one side, which lands on the floor with a clatter] We might as well look around while we wait for the others...

The Grand Parlour in the Realm of the Partyon

DLD: (young)Nightwing!

MS2: dun_like_dinner! It’s Midnight Spectre 2.0 now. How did you end up here?

DLD: Well it turns out Zues is my Dad, and I’m the god of cleaners and janitors.

MS2: I’ve never heard of a god of janitors before.

DLD: You’re not a janitor.

MS2: Good point. It’s good to see you. We were all worried when you disappeared from the Room of Spirit and Time.

DLD: Sorry about that. How’d things go at the convention?

MS2: Wednesday went insane just before we left the Room, the convention and heroes turned out to be fakes, your plane is impounded, Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia are at war and Chant’s evil again, stolen the powers of The Narrator and is calling himself The Chanterator and causing plagues across the world.

DLD: Sounds like a normal day at the office.

MS2: Hmmm. On the good side, we received a financial reward for capturing the fake heroes and we were both inducted into the inaugural JLR Hall (of Justice) Fame, along with Registered Member #552 and Starky_Hutch76.

DLD: um, Starskywho?

MS2: Nevermind, before your time. But the reason I’ve been looking for you is that we need you back to help stop Chant.

DLD: You know I’ll help. It’s just that I’ll have to go through the appropriate rituals of leave of course.

MS2: Of course. Can we speed up the process? We are running out of time.

DLD: Unfortunately we have to wait for Refundus and Annaversarae to arrive before we can start the levee.

MS2: Refund Us? Anniversary?

DLD: My uncle and aunt. The god of tax accountants and the goddess of birthdays, weddings and other special occassions.

MS2: Hmmm.

DLD: Come on. Let me introduce you to the rest of my family.

Inside She-Chant’s lair.

Wednesday is still chained to the wall and is now buried under debris from the roof.

Wed: Oh great.

Suddenly someone starts to remove the rubble off the hero.

Wed: Vanessa? You shouldn’t be lifting heavy things. You’re pregnant.

Vanessa bends down close to Wednesday.

Vanessa: Though I hate you for leaving me and our baby, Superfly Sr., as you’re the best I’ve ever had, it would be a waste to let you die. You’re far more manly than that girly wimp Wednesday.

Wed: Why thank you. But you should now I’m n…

Wednesday isn’t able to finish his sentence, as Vanessa kisses him long and passionately. After what appears ages, she stands up, fixes her hair and walks over to the door.

Vanessa: And besides, you’re not getting out of alimony payments that easily. [and with that she leaves]

Wed: [a little breathless] Wow. Hey! You could’ve released… [suddenly he notices the shackles have been unlocked] … oh, nevermind.

Wednesday stands up and rubs his wrists to regain his circulation – instantly healing himself.

Wed: I could get used to this power. Now, while those monsters are keeping the IRG busy…

Wednesday goes to sneak out the front door, when he suddenly hears the screams of the IRG.

Wed: Oh darn.

When Wednesday reaches outside, he is shocked by the scene of carnage before him.

Bundy Bear is lying on the ground with third degree burns. Obviously he hadn’t got out of the way of Godzilla’s flame breath in time.

Superfly Sr. is being beaten up by a baby deer.

The Amazing Harry is trying to distract King Kong with illusionary bananas, while Tractor-Trailer Bob tries to get to his tractor.

She-Chant fires her envelope glue-gun at Mothra, while Mr. Misinformation is attempting to stun Godzilla with his information overload ability.

Wednesday races over and lays hands on the barbequed polar bear, restoring Bundy Bear to full health – if not better.

BB: This is great. I’ve never felt this powerful before! Cheers mate.

Wed: Don’t mention it [secretly thinking How’d I do that? I only wanted to heal him :?! Do you think you can keep that deer busy, while I heal Superfly Sr.?

BB: I wouldn’t have before, but now I feel like I can take on the world.

And with that, Wednesday and Bundy race towards Bambi.

Meanwhile, The Amazing Harry successfully distracts King Kong enough for Tractor-Trailer Bob to reach his tractor. Tractor-Trailer Bob pulls out the key and attempts to start the engine.

Nothing.

He tries again.

Nothing.

He thumps the dashboard.

TTB: Come on. Come on.

Once more.

*Brrrrrroooooommmmmm*

At last the engine starts.

Though the sound of the tractor, alerts King Kong. The Great Ape steps on The Amazing Harry and turns to take care of Tractor-Trailer Bob.

Mothra blasts She-Chant with it’s lasers and manoeuvres towards the tractor too.

Meanwhile, Mr. Misinformation uses his independent third-toe movement ability to climb up Godzilla’s back.

BB: [Barely holding his own against Bambi] Hurry up… nng… Wednesday!

Wednesday lays hands on Superfly Sr., Wednesday’s reality restoration abilities not only heals the villain, but replaces Superfly’s donkey communication ability, with reality restoration abilities as well.

Wed: What the hell’s going on here?

The dimensional doppelgangers gang up on Bambi, assisting Bundy Bear in finally bringing down the devil-deer – just.

BB: [pointing to Tractor-Trailer Bob] Crikey! They’re gonna get Bob!

Indeed King Kong and Mothra advance ever closer to Tractor-Trailer Bob.

TTB: [flicking more switches] Shields? Guns? Anything…?

Suddenly a burst of flame strikes Mothra, forcing it to plummet from the sky, landing on top of King Kong. The Great Ape staggers back in his attempt to throw Mothra off himself.

SFs: It's Mr. Misinformation! He’s controlling Godzilla!

MM: Oh no, he isn’t. Hurry up dammit.

As Godzilla finally throws Mr. Misinformation off his back, Tractor-Trailer Bob flicks a switch on the dashboard, releasing a plasma cannon from the body of his tractor and shoots the mighty Kong.

Wed: Bundy, Bob. Go help Mr. Misinformation.

SFs: What about us?

Wed: You go help Harry.

SFs: Right.

Godzilla stalks towards the stunned Mr. Misinformation. He lets out a triumphant roar. Bundy Bear races towards the giant lizard, striking it with his relatively small paw. But it is enough to divert Godzilla’s attention from the Evil Librarian. A burst of flame strikes the spot, Bundy had just been standing.

Tractor-Trailer Bob, flicks a couple of switches and pushes some buttons and his tractor transforms into a giant humanoid robot. With grinding gears and smoke pouring from its exhaust, Bob steers his Tractor-bot over to Godzilla. The two giants push against each other, as Bundy picks up Mr. Misinformation and gets out of the way of the battle, as Godzilla’s tail demolishes the She-Chant’s lair behind them.

-----------

SC: Wha? Where am I?

Wed: Welcome back.

SC: Get off me, you pervert! What’s going on?

TAH: Somehow, we’ve been brought back from the brink of death… and augmented.

Bundy Bear and Mr. Misinformation join the group.

MM: [looking appreciatively at She-Chant] And what augmentation!

SC: [looking down at her chest] huh? Hey!

Wed:

SFs: Do you want some help there, Mr. M?

MM: No, I’ll be fine [wiping away some blood] But Bob’s not going to last much longer against that lizard.

Suddenly energy bursts from a tear in the space/time continuum.

TAH: Now what?

BB: It’s not Chant is it?

Wed: I hope not. Quick, find some cover just in case.

As Wednesday and the IRG find shelter, the tear grows larger. There is a loud bang as 2 bikes, 4 heroes, 13 fake heroes, 1 king, 1 priest, 1 general, 1 rabbit and 10,000 medieval soldiers appear.

Wed: Smoke me a kipper.

Olympus.

Britannica and Di Bat Pho are searching the realm of the Olympian gods, when suddenly…

Grecian urn Hail Britannica.

Brit: Hail Grecian urn. Um, who are you?

Grecian urn: You do not recognise my voice, mortal. Even after we who fought side-by-side on the field of battle.

DBP: Who is it my love?

Brit: Of course! It’s Hercules. Greetings Hercules.

Hercules: Well met, mortal.

DBP: But I thought Chant had banished all of the Olympian gods.

Brit: He did. But he didn’t say anything about the demi-gods. But where are you Hercules?

A muscular 3’ 5” tall midget walks out from behind the urn.

Brit & DBP:

Brit Hercules?

Hercules: Aye Britannica.

Brit: My, you’ve certainly… shrunk since our last meeting.

Hercules: Alas, you see me in my true form. I didth save countless lives and perform the twelve labours in the form you see me in now.

Brit: But you’ve always been depicted as a tall, strapping man. That’s how I certainly remember you in our last encounter.

Hercules: Olympian P.R. You know how it is. Every time someone tells your tale, you get bigger and mightier, thine enemies get more ferocious. After a while it got hard to convince people I was really me. So Zeus transformed me into the more established form you encountered before. But with Zeus gone, so has his spell.

Brit: I can see the problem that might pose. Oh, please allow me to introduce you to my fiancé, Di Bat Pho.

DBP: Hello, it is nice to meet you.

Hercules: And I you, fair maid. [Hercules gently takes Di Bat Pho’s hand and kisses it] I would normally suggest that we celebrate your future nuptials, but alas I am heavy in heart.

Brit: Quite understandable, Hercules. We came here to enlist your father’s aid against Chant.

Hercules: That miscreant.

Brit: Indeed. But even so, he has become infinitely more powerful since you encountered him. He is the one responsible for the gods disappearing.

Hercules: Then the lion of Olympus is yours to command.

Hercules shakes Britannica’s hand.

Brit: Oof. [shaking the circulation back into his hand] I see you haven’t lost your grip.

Hercules: Come. We must prepare for battle.

Brit: Excellent. Please lead the way.

As Hercules walks off, Di Bat Pho stops her fiancé and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

DBP: It is good to see you happy again my love.

Brit: I wasn’t sulking… Oops, come on. For a little fellow, Hercules sure is quick.

The Doesntreallyexistian Town Square

The JLR TASK Force are joined by the ACDC Nightwing Squadron, consisting of:

• Hooters, the owl (Nightwing 1)
  
• Darkwing, the duck (Nightwing 2)
  
• The Crow, the crow (Nightwing 3)
  
• Robin – The bird wonder (Nightwing 4)
  and
  
• Mozart – The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtledove (Nightwing 5)

Thundercat: Hooters! It’s good to see you. And the rest of Nightwing Squadron.

Hooters: I wish I could say the same under the present circumstances. What is the current situation?

Thundercat: Well my colleagues in the JLR, are evacuating the area south of the library, but they can’t get past the volcano, to rescue the citizens on the other side of the square.

Hooters: Leave that to us. Mobile Gamma Squad should be here soon, as will Sue-ee.

Thundercat: Fine. When Gamma arrives they can assist you. Sue-ee and her group can help us mop up. Good luck.

Hooters: And you, Thundercat.

Ace: [patting out an electrical fire on the control panel of Ace Rimmer's bike] I dinna think the engines canna take anymore Cap’n.

CJ: Nevermind that. You’ve brought us to the wrong reality. Look! [Cowgirl Jack points to a battle between a giant robot and giant fire-breathing lizard]

Ace: Oops. Maybe we didn’t allow enough time for the engines to cool down first. It must have sent us to a side-ways dimension.

RM552: There’s certainly no sign of She-Chant’s lair here.

Wed: [running up to the others] Guys! Am I glad to see you!

Vegi-La: Hey Wednesday. How’d you end up in this other dimension too?

Wed: Huh?

RM552: [slapping Vegi-La across the back of the head] Fool. This is the real world after all. Obviously the giant robot and lizard are more of Chant’s plagues.

Wed: Godzilla is. The ‘robot’ is Tractor-Trailer Bob’s Tractor-bot.

JLR: Whoa!

Wed: We’ve already brought down King Kong, Mothra and Bambi…

CJ: Bambi!?! Oh, how could you?

Wed: Not now Ceej. We’re gonna need some help against Godzilla.

CJ: We?

The IRG come out of hiding.

RM552: The IRG.

MM: The JLR.

She-Chant: Cowgirl Jack.

Cowgirl Jack: She-Chant.

Ace: The Amazing Harry.

The Amazing Harry: Ace.

Fantastic Faux: Who?

Bundy Bear: Huh?

Wed: Can we do this later!

Vegi-La: Jeez, you’re getting as angry as Midnight these days.

With an order for the Chantanians, Dakota, Wednesday and Superfly Sr. hang back [Wed: Well we don’t want to heal Godzilla by mistake now do we], the Justice League Reality, Injustice Reality Gang and Fantastic Faux race forward to assist Tractor-Trailer Bob.

Two lots of playing cards, envelopes, baterangs, boot missiles, vegi-balls, information overload attacks, green flame, psionic spider webbing, atomic energy blasts, two types of mystical energy and invisible force bubbles repeatedly strike Godzilla.

This is followed up with punches from Polar Bears, Gamma-powered Paper Golems, fake Kryptonians, fake Amazons, fake Atlantians, fake Mutants and fake Doesntreallyexistian royalty.

Mr Spectacular wraps himself around the giant lizard’s legs, as Tractor-Trailer Bob’s Tractor-bot king-hits Godzilla, sending him crashing into an abandoned building. He does not get up.

Everyone: We did it!

As everyone regroups around the two bikes, the hear…

Rrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

A singed and smouldering King Kong raises from the ground. He lets out an enormous bellow of rage as he beats his chest with his fists.

Everyone:

Everyone focuses their powers on King Kong. Once more the mighty beast falls.

Everyone: Phew.

A bit later…

Wed: So you guys didn’t have any luck finding Chant either, huh?

CJ: Nope. But as you can see we haven’t been idle.

Wed: So now we go pick up Brit and Di?

Ace: Inspecting the engines of Ace Rimmer’s bike] I don’t think we’re going anywhere anymore, man.

RM552: If we could only get to my workshop, I could probably repair it.

Mr. Spectacular: If we could get to my workshop, I could probably improve it.

RM552:

Wed: Let me try something. [making sure Ace is ready to override the security system, Wednesday places a hand on Ace Rimmer’s bike. It is instantly repaired]

Ace: Wow, that’s great. A useful power, finally.

Wed: Hey you!

Ace: But will you be able to do a repeat performance? ‘Cause our main problem still stands [he indicates the 10,003 Chantanians, 13 Faux heroes and Dakota]

MM: Perhaps we could be of assistance.

JLR: Huh!?!

MM: Well the IRG sort of… mumble Wednesday for… mumbling us against those monsters.

Wed: What was that?

MM: We sort of… owe Wednesday for… assisting us against those monsters.

Wed: Pardon?

MM: OK. We owe Wednesday for saving our bacon! But just so you know, we’re mainly helping to stop Chant’s universal domination scheme because it conflicts with our own.

Wed: Sure. It’s ‘cause you owe me.

MM: Is not.

Wed: Whatever.

MM: Grrrrrrrrr.

CJ: Now Wednesday, we had better not antagonise the help. So how can you help us Mr. Misinformation?

MM: Well we have a tractor…

Vegi-La: Are you sure?

With crunching gears and bellowing smoke from the exhaust, Tractor-Trailer Bob attempts to transform his Tractor-bot back into the tractor. However the process comes to a grinding halt part way through.

TTB: Looks like the old girl copped a bit of damage from Godzilla.

SFs: Allow me.

Superfly Sr. puts a hand on the Tractor-bot, making it better than brand new. The Tractor-bot transform smoothly into a tractor once more.

TTB: Now all we have to do is jerry-rig some cables between the two bikes and my tractor to share the power load.

RM552: Excellent idea. Let’s get started.

Mr. Spectacular: You’ll obviously need my assistance.

Super Dude: Hey, you’re not touching my Super cycle, without me.

MM: While they’re working on that, if I could have some assistance clearing an opening to our… former headquarters, I can probably rustle up some Amazonian Librarians.

Several members of the Fantastic Faux and one thousand Chantanian soldiers volunteer for the job.

Vegi-La: Looks like we’re going to be stuck here a while. I might as well give ‘em a hand, or three.

CJ: One moment Wednesday. Could you answer a question please?

Wed: Sure CJ. What is it?

CJ: Would you care to explain how the IRG became so powerful all of a sudden?

Wed:

CJ: [slapping Wednesday across the back of the head] Good one.

-----------------------------

King Chantawanta: Rosebud!

She-Chant: Dad!?! What are you doing here?

King Chantawanta: [putting his daughter in a bear hug] Why do you never call your old man?

She-Chant: Because you're medieval and don't have a phone. Dad... can you let go now, you're embarrising me in front of my teammates...

BB, TAH & SFs:

MS2:

DLD: Yeah, sorry about Entertainus. He likes a bit of a laugh.

MS2: [Rubbing his hand after falling prey to Entertainus’ electric hand shake buzzer] Your brother you say?

DLD: Uh, yeah…. [guiding the hero away from his brother before Midnight Spectre 2.0 thumps Entertainus] We’ll see you later, bro.

Entertainus pulls out a long string of hankies from his pocket and blows his nose in farewell.

DLD: Ah. Here’s a relative you’ll like. Collectus!

Collectus: Greetings, Cleanforus!

MS2: Clean for us?

DLD: My godly name… um, Collectus here, is the god of comic book and related paraphernalia store owners.

MS2: I collect comics, and I’ve never heard of you before? Are you sure you’re not making this stuff up, DLD?

Collectus: Hmph. On occasion, I have walked your world in mortal guise. Perez. Perhaps you have heard of him?

MS2: You’re Perez!?! That explains a lot.

Collectus: Ah, here comes my wife. [the god calls to his wife] Megabitae!

A stunning blonde woman walks up to the group. She is naked, except for strategically placed pixelation effects covering her breasts and pubic region.

MS2: Megabitae? Goddess of message board users, right?

DLD: Hey, you’re getting good at this. How’d you guess?

MS2: Just a hunch.

Suddenly the door to the Grand Parlour bursts open and in walks…

Refundus: So, my good-for-nothing brother Zues, hath returned. Let’s get this levee started with, then.

MS2: How did a god of tax accountants end up in this Partyon?

DLD: He’s our equivalent of Hades. He is overlord of a dark lightless oppressive realm called the Office.

MS2: Sounds horrible. And while we’re on the subject how did a god of janitors end up here too?

DLD: Someone has to clean up all the mess after all those parties.

Suddenly, Raevon - goddess of DJs and party, opens her mouth and a trumpet call sounds.

All of the gods and Midnight Spectre 2.0 turn to look at the raised dais, and out walks Pompus – god of celebrations.

Pompus looks like a small rotund middle-aged man. He also has a comb-over. His clothing is a couple of generations too young and one size too small for him. He wears a golden laurel on his head.

Pompus: Gweetings my bwothers and sisters, aunts and uncles – my fellow gods of the Pwartyon! Today is a most special occasion – the weturn of our bewoved Highfather – Zues!

The gods, except for Refundus give out a cheer.

Pompus: But first, we must conduct a woll-call. [Pompus produces a scroll] Annaversarae - of the land of Calenda. Goddess of public wholidays, birfdays, weddings and special occasions.

Annaversarae: Here, as scheduled, Pompus.

Pompus ticks off his aunt’s name.

Pompus: Bounca, goddess of bouncers and bwa-fights. Defender of the Wealm…

MS2:

The Doesntreallyexistian Town Square…

Things were getting grim, the ash from the volcano, was making flying conditions for the Nightwing Squadron difficult, though they did their best to direct local citizens to safety.

Thundercat continued to zap falling molten rock out of the sky, while The Amazing Spider Monkey and Napoleon constructed a barricade on the south side, while Esmarelda directed more residents away.

Sue-ee: Do you need a trotter?

Esmarelda: I would be glad of the help.

Chantina and Toro helped carry the wounded to safety, while Captain Doesntreallyexistia used his shield to protect trapped residents from any falling rocks until his troops could free them. The others helped evacuate residents, while Dolly provided real-time analysis of the situation and Dick Johnson fired his waterspout at the edge of the oncoming lava, to cool it down.

On the north side, Mobile Unit Gamma arrived. The Shoveller, the mole, dug a trench to slow down the lava flow, while BigBad, the wolf huffed and puffed and cooled the lava down. Meanwhile Shadowcat, the panther used her shadow-teleportation abilities to move more residents to safety, while Colossus, the armadilloused his armoured form and super strength to rescue residents trapped under collapsed buildings.

The heroes were able to save many of the town’s residents. Unfortunately they were unable to save a lot more. The Town Square was now completely covered over with magma.

Napoleon: All those poor people. And the King! What about the King?

Esmarelda: I… I don’t know, Napoleon. It doesn’t look good.

Zeus’ throne room, Olympus

Ace: Doesn’t look like anybody’s here.

RM552: Thank goodness for that. It’s squashed enough in here as it is, with all of us.

CJ: I hope Di and Brit are OK.

Wed: I’m sure they’re fine. Brit’s probably giving the gods a detailed briefing on the situation.

Vegi-La: Here they come now. They’re riding in a chariot. But I don’t see any gods with them.

RM552: [squinting into the distance, RM552 spots something with his enhanced vision] Not quite. I can see someone with them. A midget!?!

Britannica, Di Bat Pho and Hercules pull up in Helios’ chariot, disembark and walk up to Zeus’s throne room.

CJ: Brit! Di! Where have you been?

Brit: Hello everyone. Wow, it looks like you have all been very productive… Hang on! Mr. Misinformation and the IRG?!?

MM: Britannica.

CJ: Yeah, we’ve got a sort of truce going.

Brit: Hmmm…

Wed: But what happened with you? Where are the gods?

Brit: Chant must be worried. He banished the gods of Olympus.

Ace: Banished?

Brit: To the realm of the Teletubbies.

Everyone: That’s inhuman!

Brit: But fortunately we still have Hercules here [he indicates the lion of Olympus]

RM552: Are you sure? He’s a bit… [RM552 indicates Hercules small stature]

Hercules: I am indeed the son of Zeus, mortal.

Brit: Look we don’t have time for this. Trust me, this is Hercules. And while we may not have the gods to help us, we were able to find some of their weaponry.

Indeed Hercules is decked out in his Nemean Lion armour and club. He also carries Athena’s shield – Aegis. Artemis’ bow with a quiver full of Zeus’ lightning bolts are slung across his back. He has one of Ares’ battle-axes, strapped to one side of his waist and Hephaestos’ hammer on the other. Hermes’ caduceus is tucked into the front of his belt, with Poseidon’s trident strapped to his back. Somehow all this weaponry fits his size perfectly.

RM552: Well I guess it’ll do.

CJ: If Chant knows what we’re up to we’d better pick up Midnight, now.

Brit: No. Midnight’s day in the Room isn’t up yet. Even with all the help you guys have found, we are still short on power. We need to find our sidekick animals first. That’ll give Midnight a bit more training time. Then hopefully we can convince Dende and Popo to let him out early.

Ace: Um, could we use Helios’ chariot? Even with Tractor-Trailer Bob’s tractor, we’re still a bit… cosy.

Hercules: If it shall aid our cause, then it shall be thine.

Ace: Great. We better hook ‘em up, with the rest of our transports.

CJ: Let me give you a hand guys. I’m great with horses.

With preparations being made for their next departure, She-Chant notices Mr. Misinformation starring at Di Bat Pho.

She-Chant: Is everything OK, Snuggle pie?

MM: Hmm. Oh yes. Everything is… perfect...

On the outskirts of the Doesntreallyexistian Town Square…

The rescuers were exhausted. Though they continued to work, doing their best to tend to the wounded.

Half an hour later, Dr. Octopus, Nurse Nightingale, Bucky the Beaver (with a new stainless steel front-tooth), Vlad, the Mosquito and Radar, the Bat arrive, having evacuated ACDC headquarters.

Dr. Octopus and Nurse Nightingale, immediately begin to administer treatment to wounded residents and operatives alike. Bucky and Radar start to distribute food and water.

Private Parts: Hay? Birdseed? You haven’t got a steak have you?

Toro:

Private Parts: Hay’s good.

Out of nowhere, 7 JLR, Dakota, 6 IRG, 13 Fantastic Faux, King Chantawanta, HauptMannPriest, Generalissimo, Hercules, 500 Amazonian Librarians and 10,000 medieval soldiers appear on 2 bikes, a tractor and trailer and a four-horse drawn chariot.

Napoleon: Look, it’s the JLR!

Esmarelda: Look, it’s Dakota!

Nick: Look, it’s the IRG!

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Look, it’s a Chantanian invasion force!

Corporal Punishment: Look, it’s King Registered Member 552.5!

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Oh yes. So it is.

Britannica: Should we ask who all these other people and animals are?

Ace: Probably safer not too.

RM552: Well, the bloke with the shield and winged helmet is Captain Doesntreallyexistia, our national hero.

Ace: Told you it’d be safer not to know.

The JLR – TASK Force come up to the JLR party.

CJ: Oh the poor dears, they look tired and injured.

Wed: No problemo. It’ll only take a minute to fix that.

Vegi-La: Where’s Buttercup?

Esmarelda & Napoleon:

Brit: Well?

DBP: [translating for the animals] Buttercup is… is dead.

JLR: Oh no.

After a few more details…

Brit: The IRG will pay for their crimes.

IRG:

Brit: Later. However, we have bigger fish to fry.

Pisces:

Brit: Sorry, I mean, more important things to do. Chant has to be stoped. We need all available JLR members on active duty.

DBP: According to Esmarelda, there are three new members of JLR TASK Force…

RM552: TASK Force?

DBP: The Animal SideKicks Force.

CJ: That’s so cute.

Brit: Good. Bring them along too.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia, Sergeant Pepper, Corporal Punishment, Private Parts, Private Property and Private Screening march up to Registered Member #552 and kneel down before him.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Hail Oh great King Registered Member 552.5!

RM552: Uh. Hi. Captain Doesntreallyexistia. [quickly looking to see if King Chantawanta is watching] I see my mighty army is bravely doing mighty-army type duties.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Indeed we are, Your Majesty.

RM552: Excellent.

King Chantawanta: Not much of an army, is it?

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: How would you command us our lord?

RM552: Come with me, my brave and mighty army. Help us in the defeat of the villainous Chant, who has been subjecting our country to teror and turmoil.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: We are yours to command.

King Chantawanta: [to Generalissimo] It’s true what they say. The Doesntreallyexistian army is truly brave. There are only six of them, yet I’m sure they would take on the 10,000 soldiers we have with us.

Generalissimo: Yes my liege. We must study their tactics, while we have the opportunity.

King Chantawanta: Indeed we must…. [King Chantawanta spots his other daughter] Chantina! [the King grabs hold of both his daughters and hugs them tightly. Very tightly] Both my angels together, with their old man. This is a most joyous occasion. A happy family reunion.

HauptMannPriest: Well it would be, except for all this war preparation…

Chantina: guuuurgle erk.

She-Chant: Dad… choking… me...

The animals of ACDC walk up to the JLR.

Sue-ee via Dolly: Hello JLR. I am Sue-ee of the Animals of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia Collective.

Vegi-La: Hey! That’s ACDC!

Brit: Yes it is Vegi. Um, hello. How can we help you?

Sue-ee via Dolly: Actually I was going to ask, how can we help you?

DBP: Esmarelda says that they would be of great help.

CJ: Well we do need more help. And they look soooo cute. Can we bring them Brit? Can we?

Brit: Well we don’t have a lot of room to take too many more…

Sue-ee via Dolly: We should be able to help with that too…

15 minutes later.

Dick Johnson: Hey! Don’t tie that rope too tight! I can’t feel my tail!

Mr. Spectacular: That's no rope!

As the animals of ACDC enter their aquatic mobile base…

Ace: Temple of Earth’s guardian, Brit?

Brit: Indeed.

Brit: Will you open that door!

Mr. Popo: We can’t.

CJ: But we need Midnight Spectre.

Wed: Now.

Vegi-La: If not sooner.

Dende: Truly, we would like too. But we cannot open the door.

RM552: We’re screwed. Now what do we do?

Brit: We’ll just have to hold off Chant as long as we can, until Midnight can arrive.

Ace: That’s a big ask.

Brit: I know.

DBP: And we still do not know where Chant is located.

Brit: I know.

Vegi-La: And we still have no idea where dun_like_dinner is.

Brit: I know.

Wed: So what are we going to do?

Brit: [taking a deep breath] OK, so this is the situation. We're two members down, facing impossible odds and we still have no idea where Chant is.

Everyone: We know.

Brit: We go back to the Estate of Justice. Collect Larry our ex-con, parolee gardener and add him to our ranks.

RM552: Larry?

Brit: I know. But desperate times… Besides we’ll have a better chance of locating Chant with our equipment back at the HQ.

Dende: If it is of any help, I also offer my services in your battle against Chant.

Wed: That’s very kind of you. But you’re no Midnight Spectre.

Dende: I know. Mr. Popo will remain here. When Midnight Spectre leaves the Room, Popo can tell him of your plans.

Brit: Agreed. OK Ace, let’s head back to the Estate.

Ace: Actually Brit. I’ve got an idea…

Pirate Pete: Arrrr, With the seas turning to blood, me new pirate ship harbour cruise business is going under. Landlubbers can’t stomach seas of blood. Count me in, m’ hearties.

The Anti-Chant army arrive at the Estate of Justice, Pennsylvania

With a combined effort, they push Pirate Pete’s ship and Dick Johnson into the Pond of Justice.

Dick: Ah. Come on in Pisces, the water’s fine!

Pisces: [diving into the pond] I never thought I’d see water again.

Brit: Water?

MM: So, where is this Larry?

CJ: He must be around here somewhere? [Cowgirl Jack calls out to the gardener] Larry!

The Anti-Chant army spread out to look for Larry around the Estate.

Napoleon: [looking in the Barn of Justice] Not here.

CJ: He’s not in the kitchen!

Dick: He’s not in the pond either.

Ace and Vegi-La check the Garden Shed of Justice.

Vegi-La: Hey!

Ace: Is Larry in there, pal?

Vegi-La: Nah. But all our reward money is spread over the floor.

Ace: [looking inside the shed too] It looks like it’s been rolled in?

Vegi-La and Ace:

-----------------------------------

Brit: Did you check the Danger Room?

Wed: Come on, Brit. If he’s in there, the man’s entitled to a little privacy.

Brit: Come on. Let’s go check.

At the door of the Danger Room.

*Knock Knock Knock*

Brit: Larry? Are you in there?

Suddenly a strange sound comes from behind the door. Not that kind of sound…

Sound from behind the door: Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Wed: See, told ya. The man needs privacy.

Brit: [knocking on the door again] Larry? Are you OK?

Sound from behind the door: Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!

Brit: Something’s wrong.

Wed: I’ll say. The man needs more fibre.

Brit: Help me knock down the door.

Wed: What!?! I’m not going in there now.

Brit: Wednesday…

Wed: OK, OK. [yelling out to Larry] You better spray in there Larry, you here me!

Brit: OK. 1… 2… 3!

Britannica and Wednesday rush towards the Danger Room door and are instantly repelled.

Brit: Again!

Once more they try, but the door does not budge.

Di Bat Pho and Cowgirl Jack come from the kitchen.

DBP: What are you doing?

CJ: See. I told you we needed a second Danger Room, but would you listen?

Another attempt. Another failure.

RM552: What’s going on here?

Brit: [rubbing his shoulder] Ah good. RM, help Wednesday break down the Danger Room door.

RM552: Um… okay? Can I ask why?

Wed: Better do it. Brit’s getting moody.

RM552 and Wednesday rush at the door.

Wed: Hey. I felt the door give a little that time.

Brit: One more go, guys.

Ace and Vegi-La walk up to the rest of the team.

Ace: Hey we’ve just seen the strangest thing.

Vegi-La: Okay, make that the second strangest thing.

Ace: OK Ceej, I agree. We need another Danger Room.

*CRACK*

RM552 and Wednesday finally break down the door.

JLR:

Rather than the small cubicle the JLR expect, they see a vast chamber. Larry the ex-con, parolee gardener is tied up and gagged, lying on the floor.

Larry: Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!

The Chanterator: Behind the gardener, stands The Chanterator. Hope you don’t mind. I did a spot of redecorating.

Part 3, Chapter 7 - War

Vegi-La: I like the floral pattern.

Brit: You really shouldn't complement the villain, La.

The Chanterator: But flattery will get you everywhere.

Vegi-La: And it is a nice pattern.

Wed: Typical. We search all over the RKMB to find his HQ, and its been in our Danger Room all this time.

The Chanterator: Well usually it's the only place you can get some privacy. Until someone knocks the door down that is!

Brit: Well it was our door...

CJ: But more importantly, what did you do with our Danger Room facilities? It was the only one we had.

The Chanterator: Oh that. I sent it over to Plumbing World.

Ace: I hope Brit doesn't need to go. You know what he's like.

Brit: I'm telling you, I went before we left Olympus!

The Chanterator: But enough of this. It's very rude of you to leave your guests waiting outside...

The JLR look very sheepish, checking out their fingernails, looking at the ceiling, whistling while rocking back and forth on the balls of their feet...

Wed: What guests?

The Chanterator: The Chanterator sends the Farm House of Justice to the The Pennsylvania Country Home and Building Guide

TASK Force, IRG, ACDC, FF, etc:

Wed: Oh... those guests.

CJ: Well, there goes another H.Q.

The Chanterator: So. Shall we begin?

DBP: Everybody spread out!

RM552: And attack!!!

The Chanterator: 10,000 Medieval Soldiers, 500 Amazonian Librarians and three Privates charge at The Chanterator.

Private Parts: No they bloody well don't!

The Chanterator: Wha!?! But you have too...

Private Property: Why?

The Chanterator: Because I said.

Private Screening: If you think we're stupid enough to change at someone who make a farmhouse instantly disappear, you've got another thing coming, mate.

Privates Parts and Property, 500 librarians and 10,000 medieval soldiers: Yeah!

The Chanterator: Look, how about I make it fair for you.

The Privates: Oh yeah...?

The Chanterator: The Chanterator produces a piece of parchment and an old-fashioned quill pen. He starts scribbling like mad. After a few minutes he finishes with a flourish and hands the parchment to the three Privates.

The Privates cautiously take the parchment and start to read.

Private Parts: Hmmm....

Private Property: mmmm....

Private Screening: uh huh.

Colon-El of the Chantanian Army: What's it say?

Gladys the Amazonian Librarian: Shhh. Let them finish.

Private Parts: Well it all seems in order...

Private Property: He says he'll give us a couple of posts to battle his robotic mail minions while he deals with the JLR.

Colon-El: Sounds reasonable.

Henrietta another Amazonian Librarian: Can we trust him?

The Chanterator: Cross my fingers and hope you die.

Colon-El: What!?!

The Chanterator: Cross my heart... yes my heart... and hope to die.

Private Screening: One second please...

The Chanterator: Be my guest. The three Privates, 500 Amazonian Librarians and 10,000 Chantanian soldiers form a huddle...

Private Property: OK. You've got a deal.

The Chanterator: Excellent.

Private Parts: But no sneakily banishing us to other websites during the battle, OK?

The Chanterator: The merest possibility of the slightest thought had not even contemplated crossing my mind... much.

Brit: Obviously Narrators can't internally monologue.

The Chanterator: Did I say that out loud?

RM552: Excuse me everyone. We've got a War to finish here.

The Chanterator: 10,503 robotic mail minions charge at the 10,000 Chantanian Soldiers, 500 Amazonian Librarians and three Privates.

Colon-El: That's better.

Private Property: Hmm, I think we may have miscalculated somewhere in our negotiations.

The Chanterator: Charge, my robotic mail minions!

RM552: Attack!!!

Pompus: ... and Teasa. Goddess of the fwendship zone.

Teasa: Hey boys.

the male gods and MS2: [lots of wolf-whistles]

MS2: That's your sister? Can I get her phone number?

DLD: Back off buddy... She's mi...

MS2: Um, DLD. She's your sister.

DLD: I know.

Pompus: It is now wiv the gwatest of pleasure, that I now call upon the High Pawents to gwace us wiv their pwessence, to adwess their childwen and once more take their wightful place at the head of the...

Refundus: [heckling from the back] Oh for Zues' sake, get on with it...

Pompus: Oh yes. The High Mother - Cosmopolitina - goddess of welationship pop-quizzes, and the High Father - Zues - god of...

The rest of Pompus' sentence is drowned out by the large cheer from the gods of the Partyon, as Zues and his wife Cosmopolitina walk into the Grand Parlour.

gods of the Partyon: Hoorah!

Zues: [gesturing for a bit of quite] As the mortals doth say. Heya kiddos. How's it hanging?

gods of the Partyon (except Refundus):

Refundus:

Zues: As you all know, I have walked the land of mortals for some months now.

Cosmopolitina: [under her breath] None of mine quizzes predicted that one coming... ...

Zues: It's not a bad place you know. Lots of entertainment, music, art, superhero battles. But the land of mortals tis in grave peril.

the gods of the Partyon: oooh

Zues: Some being calling himself The Chanterator, hath pilfered the power of a being superior and mightier than us. The power belonging to The Narrator.

the gods of the Partyon:

Zues: The gods of Olympus, save for Hercules, are no more. Even now, the only thing holding this The Chanterator, at bay, are the mortals known as the Justice League Reality. Heroes known to thy brother Cleanforus.

DLD: [whispering to Midnight Spectre 2.0] That means the rest of JLR are already battling Chant.

MS2: We have to get to them now.

Zues: If the JLR fail, there is nothing to stop The Chanterator from destroying us or going after the power of Gob, himself.

the gods of the Partyon:

Zues: For the first time in our... short... history, we must put aside our laid-back ways and aid in this battle. Who shalt go to the mortal world?

Cleanforus... I mean DLD: Well I'm going!

Bounca: I shalt aid the mortal, Midnight Spectre too.

MS2: Um, thanks. But it's 2.0.

Entertainus: Produces a plastic trumpet and gives it a mighty blow.

Raevon: Let's get down with the homies... eh mortals.

Consumus - the god of party food and beverages: I shall join with thee.

Consuma - the goddess of shopping mall-rats: I shalt not let mine twin brother, go on this expedition without me.

Collectus: Aye!

Megabitae: Megabitae said at 15:50pm: Aye!

Decoraeta - goddess of fashion and interior designers: I'll cast my eye on this situation.

Teasa: Why not.

Annaversarae: I must decline. I have a prior engagement.

Refundus: Well, I'm not going on this fool's errand. I have important work to do.

Pompus: Though doest know, that we shall follow thee anywhere fawther.

Zues: That's great son. But I'm not going either.

Pompus: But why?

Zues: Well you know how it is... Tis time to let the children grow up and forge their own paths in the wide world.

Cosmopolitina: That and you haven't seen your wife in months.

Zues: That too.

MS2: Whatever. Can we go now please?

Pompus: Gods of the Pwatyon. Pwepware yourselves!

MS2: Finally...

To be continued...

The Chanterator: 10,503 robotic mail minions charge at 10,000 medieval soldiers, 500 Amazonian Librarians and 3 Privates, as they charge at 10,503 robotic mail minions... Does that mean I have 21,006 robotic mail minions? Math was never my strong suit...

Anyhoo! Their battle cries are drowned out by the clash of metal upon metal, as the two armies merge into a large writhing mass.

Maces, swords, war hammers and volumes of Library of Congress Subject Headings turn dozens of robots into scrap metal. However the Anti-Chanterator army also sustain many casualties in the initial charge. A dozen Amazonian Librarians and nearly 100 Chantanian soldiers disappear, sent to various messageboards and internet sites throught the multiverse.

Private Parts: Hey! I thought you weren’t going to do that!

The Chanterator: Our agreement was that I wouldn’t send any soldiers to other message boards. However, I didn’t say anything about my robotic mail minions… Bwa Hahahahahahaha!

Private Parts: We really need to work on our negotiating skills.

The Chanterator: Unfortunately for Private Parts, he doesn’t notice Robotic Mail Minion #7,654, until it’s too late.

Robotic Mail Minion #7,654: Special Delivery for Private Parts…

Private Parts: Nooooooooooooo……*

*Pop*

Privates Property and Screening:

Sergeant Pepper: Sir, they've struck our Private Parts.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: That's a low blow. Follow me men!

The Chanterator: The Doesntreallyexistian army, along with Colon-El, Hercules, Pirate Pete and several of the Fantastic Faux get ready to charge. Da Bomb (the fake Captain Atom), raises his hand and sends a burst of radiation at the robots, blowing up 1000 of them. Fortunately, for me, the explosion takes out more of the Anti-Chanterator forces.

Da Bomb: Oops. Don't know my own strength.

Wednesday: Amature.

RM552: TASK Force and ACDC help the cannon-fodder!

TASK Force, ACDC & CJ: Huh!?!

RM552: I meant, help those brave men and women against those nasty robots.

DBP: The rest of us must concentrate our firepower at Chant. We must stop her!

SC: Hey! I’m on your side now, sweetie.

The Chanterator: I believe she meant me. And it’s The Chanterator now. Can’t you people read!?!

Brit: We know about your change of name, Chant. [Britannica raises his Britannerang] It’s just too long to type.

The Chanterator: The Chanterator raises his golden sceptre (a gold postbox on a pole) menacingly above Di Bat Pho and She-Chant… Don’t move or the women get it.

Brit: [hesitates with indecision] ...

The Chanterator: Ha! See, Britannica. Relationships make you soft! Take a leaf out of my book and stay single, women ain't worth the trouble.

DBP: [via their telepathic link] Britannica, you must stop her!

Brit: It's not that. I don't want to hit you by accident.

DBP: Then aim at me. Whack her!

The Chanterator: Di Bat Pho back-flips out of the way, as Britannica hurls his Brita-water-filter-thingy at The Chanterator... oops...

*WHACK*

The Chanterator: ...and She-Chant goes down.

Brit: Oops.

Mr. Misinformation:Hey, whack your own girlfriend, pal!

Brit: How you and I are supposed to be the same person, I will never know, sicko

Mr. Misinformation: At least I don't pretend to be able to use a boomerang. And who came up that stupid name for that flying stick of yours anyway...

The Chanterator: The Chanterator interupts the so-called intellectual duo. Excuse me, whose battling whom here?

Sue-ee: Dolly. Call in the S.W.A.T. Team.

The Chanterator: As The Chanterator is berating Britannica and Mr. Misinformation for being Off-Topic, The Chanterator is suddenly attacked by a swarm of insects!

Ow damn! That stings. Why you little… The Chanterator brings down his mighty sceptre swatting the annoying insects like… insects.

Suddenly The Chanterator's sceptre is knocked out of his hands... Ow! Huh!?! He looks around to see Vegi-La, Ace and La Dealer, the latter two with cards at the ready.

La Dealer: Nice shot, mon ami.

Ace: Why thank you.

The Chanterator: Suddenly The Chanterator is pummelled with a flurry of palying cards and a vegi-ball, which releases pollen on contact.

*thud* *poof*

The Chanterator: aggghhh! My *atichoo* allergies!

Brit: Quick, here's our opening! Grab him!

The Chanterator: RM *wheeze* 552...

*Punch*

The Chanterator: *cough* DBP...

*Kick*

The Chanterator: ...Bundy *can't breeth* Bear... *choke* and... *wheeze* several *hack* members of the Fantastic *cough* Faux *splutter*

Boot, Bam, Pow, Whammy, Whack, Ka-Pow!, etc*

The Chanterator: *cough*..ian... a.er..olem..

Cowgirl Jack: Look out! Giant Paper Golems!

Di Bat Pho: There are at least a dozen.

RM552: Hercules, Bundy Bear, Fake Rogue, Superboy, Hulk & Venom, Captain Doesntreallyexistia, Flying Fish Man and Tractor Trailer Bob, stop those Goloms!

Syphon (aka Falase Rogue): Hey Sugah, you could at least lend us a hand.

Ace: I'll lend you more than a hand.

Brit: Ace!

Ace: Wha!?!

Brit: The paper vs. paper thing...

Ace: Oh yeah...

Brit: RM, CJ and Di, help slow down those Paper Golems. Wednesday, Superfly & Dr. Peculiar, help any of our wounded...

RM552. CJ, DBP, Wed, SFs & DP: Right!

Vegi-La: But what about Chant?

Brit: Keep those spoors coming. If we can stop Chant from talking, we might just win this thing.

Vegi-La: You want to see a special delivery Chant? Here's one right atcha!

*bounce*

Vegi-La: Huh!?!

The Invisible Hermaphrodite Hey! I'd recognise an invisible barrier anywhere.

MM: Look in Chant's hands!

Brit: Where the bloody hell, did he get that pen and post-it notes from!?!

Vegi-La: What's that note he's holding up say?

Brit: "Suddenly an invisible force barrier appears between The Chanterator and his enemies". Damn.

Vegi-La: He's at it again. What's this one say?

MM: "With the anti-Chanterator forces split, The Chanterator..." "calls for more reinforcements..."

Brit: "From The Warhammer site..." "Space Marines!" "From Wonka's..." "Oompa Loompas" "and finally all four Teletubbies"! " Hang on. He's writing something else.

Ace: Isn't that enough Chant?

Brit: "Oh and it's time for another plague!"

MM: Give us a break.

Ace: Uh, a plague of what?

Vegi-La: Why has he stopped writing?

Brit: Ha! He's run out of post-its

MM: And what’s he pointing at anyway?

Vegi-La: [turning to the direction of Chant's pointing finger] It’s Midnight Spectre 2.0!

Ace: Hey is that dun_like_dinner with him?

Brit: Why yes it is. And a whole bunch of other people too.

Chanterator:

To be continued...