RKMBs Forums .::Robegories::. Comic Books Pick one/Leave one: The Comic book edition!

Bill O'Reilly writing Wonder Woman



Spider-Man is really a clone

or

MJ is really a clone

Spider-Man is really a clone
At this point I no longer care.

Rob Liefield taking over writing and art on Batman

or

Batman Begins being campy like the TV series

No, it turned out Ben Riley was the clone afterall.


Rob Leifield taking over writing and art on Batman. I can live with one bad book, even two, hell, I can live without Batman if need be. Wait, I haven't actually purchased Batman since HUSH. Hmm...



Marvel has a crisis where 75% of the mutants are wiped out

or

DC has a crisis where all alians are banned from earth

Marvel has a Crisis. There are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many mutants to make the X-books fun or easy-to follow.

Dick Grayson's wife:

Barbara?

OR!

Starfire?

Starfire. I like her slightly more than that parapalegic bitch.....Hehe, gives me an idea.


Somebody puts Lois in the deep freeze and makes her into a bitch-cicle

Or

Barbara's able to walk again but only while enduring PMS 100% of the time (for some g'damn reason), this is the genesis of.....BATBITCH!!

(It sounded funnier in my head.....Plus I hate them both.)

Hmmm....

I'll go with Batbitch!


Batman has a heart attack when he catches Catwoman jacking off her male organ in the middle of broad daylight in a dirty alley shouting "Oh, Batman! Oh, Batman!" over and over again.

or

Bruce Wayne wakes up one night to find Poison Ivy standing at the foot of his bed. Ivy then shouts "OH BATMAN!" and jumps onto the bed and starts to scream, violently pummel, and forcefully make out with horrified Bruce Wayne. The next morning, Ivy leaves and walks back to Arkham because it turns out that she was just sleepwalking.

Poison Ivy sleepwalking. Hi-fucking-larious.

DC buying dinner - as an apology - for those fans who can prove that they bought (at the time of release) any or all of the DC Annuals over the last 10 years.

OR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marvel refunding the money of any fan who can prove they bought (again, at the time of release) any issue from their New Universe, 2099, or Marvel Edge lines. The MK "Punisher" mini with art by Bernie Wrightson also counts.

Marvel refund. There were actually a few DC ones I enjoyed.


Catwoman's sister asks to stay at Selina's loft for a while and she says yes. When Selina goes to sleep her sister straps her down to the bed. Selina wakes up and asks what she's doing, Maggie lifts a drill near her face and turns it on. It seems she's developed a taste for eyeballs.

Or

(And since I feel like being naughty) The exact same thing from above happens, except while Selina bleeds from the eye-sockets screaming in agony, Maggie rapes her.

Pariah! The RKMB's have changed you! I can see it in your eyes!

I'll take the first one. The second one's too hot to handle.


The retcons of the Batman villains becomes so ridiculous that...


Poison Ivy eventually becomes a techno-savvy teenage whiz from the suburbs who is made fun of at school for wearing mittens year-round.

or

Joker becomes a pretty Asian girl who performs in soft-core and is best known for her performance in the film "Tickle My Elmo".

or

Riddler becomes a hormonally, angst-filled teenage actor who was once the token gay guy in The Real World.

Oi. Riddler. I don't like him that much, so it won't be as painful.

Yes well, I like to think the change is for the best.

So what persuaded you to come back dude?


Batman persues Joker all the way to Silent Hill

Or

Joker decides to visit Liberty City for some "fun"

I'm not sure. I just got bored, I guess. My social life is kind of at a standstill right now. Either way, it's nice to be back, even though I only have 8 or 9 posts.

Anyway, I think I'll go with "Joker decides to visit Liberty City for some 'fun'".

Harley comes home one night and finds Joker...

chasing a giggling Catwoman around with a whip

or

having a sweaty pillow fight with Two-Face

or

having a bubble bath with Poison Ivy

Heh! Ivy of course.


Clark Kent one day gives Lois a big hug and hears a "*squish*". Kent looks down at the bloody mess in his arms for a few minutes and then walks to the phone and calls Bruce, "Bruce? Can you hook me up with a good lawyer?"

Or

Batgirl learns how to sound out English reading Daniel Steele books

DEFINITELY the one that involves death.

More interesting buddy comic book?


Joker and Emma Frost as college roommates who have to moonlight as sexy bar tenders at a Coyote Ugly bar to make their way through college, while getting into all sorts of sexual, humorous exploits

or

Same scenario, except with Lady Shiva instead of Emma Frost.

Lady Shiva. I like her more.


Oral - Cle (Babsy)

Or

Stephanie Brownose (Spoiler)

Oral-cle

Catwoman: The Moist End of the Meat

or

Batman: The Long, Hung, and Lean

Hehehehe. Batman: The Long, the Hung, and the Lean.


Japanese animated brand tentacle monsters threaten the purity of the maidens of Paradise Island

Or

An Alien (Dark Horse Aliens) invasion on Gotham

The Japanese monsters with the wandering tenticles, of course!

The next great Bat-villain:


A trigger-happy, homicidal Harry Potter who is speculated to be bisexual.

or

Casper the misunderstood friendly ghost who has good intentions, but uses murder as a means to an end.

HA! Murderous Casper. That's hilarious.


Etrigan and Zatanna have a kid together (I don't think I need to state the implications here)

Or

Harley Quinn asks Batman if she could be his new side kick, and after many issues of convincing and reluctance, it happens.

I think I would kill a man to see Batman and Harley.


One day, Batman sneaks up on Barbara and surprises her. She screams, gets out of her chain, and runs to the other side of the room. Batman then shouts in praise "Huzzah! You're cured!" Barbara blushes, giggles, and says "Oh, you".

or

For April Fools Day, Dick, Tim, and Barbara dug up Bruce's parents. When Bruce walked into his bedroom, they fling the skeletons at him and shout "APRIL FOOLS!!!" Bruce giggles and says "Oh, you guys." Everyone laughs. "That's funny! I dug up your parents, too!" He then holds out from behind his back the skeletons of Tim's, Dick's, and Barbara's parents. There is dead silence.

or

Bruce comes home in a drunken rage one night and beats Tim, never telling him why.

The subtlety of the last one just made it so damn funny that I gotsta pick it. Bruce beating up Tim.


A storyline where Ivy is raped by guards within Arkham.

Or

Ra's kidnaps Cassandra, deeming her worthy to be the mother of his heir.

The Ivy storyline would make for an interesting one for potential character growth. Ivy, always being the one in control in any situation, would eventually raise hell on the guards. But having the tables turned on the character forcing her to see things from the other perspective (being the rapee instead of the raper) would harken back to her origin with Jason Woodrue and her captivity in Fruit of the Earth, both in which she was the one being controlled.

So, yeah, the Ivy one.


Harley, Ivy, and Catwoman decide to get together and have a threesome, but it secretly gets videotaped and they become the most famous celebrities in Gotham

or

Bruce finds on the phone bill many, many, many calls made to 1800-WeAre18 by Alfred

Yeah, I was thinkin' the exact same thing. Cuz' I've always seen her as a type of rapist myself. The physical AND mental type of rapist. And mainly the story would be Batman figuring out the mystery of their deaths while analyzing Ivy at the same time. People are dead, but no one's broken out, and that would seem a bit odd in the Bat rogues' case.

It's a tough decision but I pick the phone records unveiling Alfred's long hidden hobbies.


Mad Hatter opens up a shady escort service that consists of mind controlled super-models

Or

Shiva decides that she wants an Heir, so she goes to Batman for the job (Heh! "Job", that's a pretty morbid term for it.)

I'd say Shiva and Batman. So many possibilities...
Anyway.


Robin's journal is uncovered and read by Batman. In it are...

a bunch of racial slurs and bad song lyrics that Robin wrote himself

or

the lines "I love Orlando Bloom" and "Mrs. Tim Drake Bloom" over and over again written in lipstick


Okay, that's it for tonight. I need to sleep.

Heh! Orlando Bloom.

If Spider were here, we'd be at it all night (yes, I know how that sounded).


After a rough patrol on Christmas night, Batman goes to his room to find a surprise Christmas present in the form of Talia covered only in wrapping ribbon.

Or

A JLA Christmas party where everyone gets drunk off of Plasticman's special eggnog and end up sneaking into JSA HQ and graffitiing its walls with thousands of newly developed polaroids that show their bare asses with the printing, "Merry Christmas" on em'.

Merry Christmas asses.

Joker secretly funds a bunch of orphanages and homeless shelters with the money he occasionally steals

or

Batman proposes marriage to Joker

Hehe! Joker donates to the needy.


Bruce speaks to his Bats when he's lonely

Or

Joker reads and frequently re-reads Little Women

Joker re-reads Little Women. Somehow it just makes sense.

Previously unseen "Avengers Disassembled" death:

Scarlet Witch traps Hank Pym (as Ant-Man) in a microwave. (With thanks to Fred Hembeck)

OR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scarlet Witch forces Demolition Man, Stingray, and Falcon to realize what colossal jokes they are. The three form and execute their suicide pact. No one notices until the re-vamp FOLLOWING "New Avengers".

I'll go with suicidal losers.


There is a HUGE alcohol-influenced party at Arkham one night. In the morning...


Joker wakes up nuzzled next to Killer Croc

or

Joker wakes up on the front lawn of Arkham wearing nothing but Miss Gotham's sash and tiara

Killer Croc. No-brainer. That's a year-long storyline waiting to happen.

Wolverine:

Overused, with too convoluted an origin to follow or enjoy?

OR!

A putz. Just a stupid putz.

Wolverine = overused and bastardised

Harley Quinn is revealed to be a transvestite born a male

or

she is a woman but starts growing copious amounts of facial hair?

she is a woman but starts growing copious amounts of facial hair



The new Ra's al Ghul

or

The original Ra's al Ghul

Are you talking about that beyond stupid Death and the Maidens book?

Eh! Dun' matter.

Original Ra's.


The inmates of Arkham replace all the donars at the sperm bank with samples from themselves

Or

Bruce is suckered into being the prize groom on a reality show that mimics "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire?"

Bruce is suckered into being the prize groom on a reality show that mimics "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire?"




The Joker is the next "The Bachelor"

or

Black Cat is the next "The Bachelorette"

Heh! Joker of course!


Bruce, Diana, and Talia all star in the same sitcom that's in the spirit of Three's Company

Or

The inmates of Arkham all star in a sitcom in the spirit of Friends

The inmates of Arkham all star in a sitcom in the spirit of Friends

...at least it might be interesting. Not.

Superman dies for good but Batman can still handle everything and the Sups/Bat title goes on without a hitch

or

Superman and Batman have a fight and Superman wins and Batman dies and DC comics go bankrupt within two months?

Superman croaks.

Avengers written by Roy Thomas?

or

Dr. Strange with art by Steve Ditko?

Ditko art.

JLAvengers imitates Millar's The Authority first arc with either:

1. Captain America raping Superman

or

2. Superman stuffing Thor's hammer up his butt.

1. Captain America raping Superman
Supermans a bitch.

Having your favorite comic coming out every 3-4 weeks with different creators

or

Having your favorite comic coming out every 3-4 months with the same creators

It would really depend on the creators wouldn't it......But that was the point.........Same Creator.


Diana is suckered by Donna to go on the Jerry Springer show

Or

Diana guest hosts on The View