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Charlie (91%, 10 Votes)
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The General (9%, 1 Votes)
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The Otaku (Hiro / BFOE) (73%, 8 Votes)
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Rebel Express (27%, 3 Votes)
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Ramada (82%, 9 Votes)
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Nuriko (18%, 2 Votes)
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Big Pimp Tim (91%, 10 Votes)
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Chris Oakley (9%, 1 Votes)
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El Superbeasto (60%, 6 Votes)
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Amuck (40%, 4 Votes)
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I make stars, baby!
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
Quote:
Bastardo: ...so I said, Bang 'er? I just m-
Out of nowhere, a trumpet blares!
Quote:
Bastardo: What the F-
Regal-sounding music plays next! The Cheesedome darkens, except for a spotlight that is cast on the entrance to the Cheesedome ramp. Jeeves is standing there!
Quote:
Jeeves: ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC! ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC! ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC!
MisterJLA emerges from behind the Cheesedome curtain, and he is dressed like a king! He is wearing a crown, with a purple cape and holding a scepter! Joe Mama, Captain Howdy, Doc.Mid-Nite, and Charlie follow!
Quote:
Jeeves: ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC! ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC! ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC!
JLA takes his time strolling to the ring. He often pauses and waves to the crowd. Charlie and Mid-Nite hold the ring ropes open, and JLA enters the ring first. All of JLA and his entourage enter the ring, the music stops, and JLA is ready to speak...
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JLA: <Long dramatic pause> Kingeth of the Mook-taineth!
The crowd boos!
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JLA: Thou hast witnesseth the crowning of a King! Boweth before your King!
Joe Mama, Charlie, Jeeves, and Doc. Mid-Nite execute mock "Ric Flair" style bows, while JLA smiles in approval. Captain Howdy stands in the corner of the ring with his arms folded with a  look on his face.
Quote:
Monroe: What the Hell are you doing? Sit back down!
Bastardo: He said to bow before the King! C'mon Monroe, show some respect!
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JLA: At Prom Night, I vanquished Count Chewy of Walrus, Sir Spandex of Monkey Man, King of Philly Snarf, and Duke Drz of Smith! I am the World's Heavyweight Champion, and the King of the Mook-tain!
More boos from the crowd...
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Monroe: He's really getting into this "King" bit.
Bastardo: This be thine first EPIC promo since Prometh Nighteth! Thou shall...
Monroe: Please stop.
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JLA: As if my accomplishments were not already sufficient, last week on HAVAK, my loyal subjects Captain Howdy...
Howdy: I taint ye subject! Damn it! FUCK OFF!
JLA: That interruption was most uncalled for! Where was I? Ah yes! Captain Howdy, Doc. Mid-Nite, and myself gave a solid trashing to the Sudden Death Connection! Pip pip! Sudden Death indeed!
And then, that rotten scoundrel Captain of Sammitch threw down the gauntlet, and challenged my team to a rematch at RDCW Convolution, which shall be the greatest PPV EVAR!
Imagine that! A lowly commoner having the audacity to challenge a blue blood such as myself! Is nothing sacred?
I have pondered Sammitch's poorly conceived challenge, and I have decided to be generous and accept his proposal for a steel cage rematch at RDCW Convolution!
The crowd cheers!
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JLA: <whispering to his teammates> PSSST! Check it, dudes! I only defend the gold at PPV's, and I can't lose the belt in a tag match! I'll get a free pass and have another month added to my title reign! Is this too cool, or what?
JLA turns his attention back to the crowd...
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JLA: Furthermore...
RDCW General Manager thedoctor interrupts JLA’s speech!
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thedoctor: I'm glad to see you agreed to the match, your royal anus. It should be a great Main Event. You are the World Champion, and your teammate Captain Howdy is the Hardcore Porn Champion. On the Sudden Death side, Captain Sammitch has the IC Championship. Which got me thinking...the RDCW cannot have three titles tied up in a six-man match. Not if the belts are NOT being defended. So now they are.
<cheap, huckster voice> So now at Convolution, it will be a double decker six man tornado tag match! All six men will duke it out at the same time. And if any champion, JLA, Howdy, or Sammitch pins or taps, not only will their team lose the match, but also they lose their belt to the man that defeated them!
The crowd cheers, and The IV wildly protest.
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JLA: FUCK!
Bastardo: So let me get this straight? A double decker, six man tornado tag match, with three different titles that are on the line? The match is over when one member of either The IV team or the Sudden Death Connection is pinned or taps? All six men fight at the same time in two different cages? If a champion takes the fall, he loses his belt?
Sounds rather... <Bastardo stares into the camera>
CONVOLUTED!
Monroe: That's the general idea!
Ad!
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notnotnotnotnotnotnotwedge 2500+ posts
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Posts: 2,900 |
*The Otaku come down to the ring to EWJ's entrance theme "Last Dinosaur". BFOE has a big bucket of chicken from KFC.*
Ramada: HAAAAAIIIIIILLLL EWJ!!
*EWJ gets on the mic.*
EWJ: Many people have been asking me "how have you been so successful?" It's simple really. We have found where we belong. Other people have not, and so their careers go nowhere. For instance, Big T, you don't belong in the Rebel Express. You don't have a chance against the Otaku tonight because you know, deep in your heart, that you shouldn't be fighting against us, you should be one of us. Now, I'm in a good mood, so I'm going to make you an offer. Turn on your partner, and you can join the Otaku. You can do it before the match or during it, it doesn't matter. Now, you have to know that rejecting my offer won't make us happy and you'll probably get hurt. That would be a shame, wouldn't it? We don't want to hurt you, but you need to realize where you belong. Now, as for Nuriko...
Ramada: OH!! LET ME!! LET ME!!
EWJ: OK, I think Ramada has a few words for you.
*He hands Ramada the mic, as if she needs one.*
Ramada: ANYONE WHO OPPOSES EWJ'S PLANS MUST BE ELIMINATED!! YOU HAVE A CHANCE TOO!! IF YOU JOIN US, YOU'LL BE FINE!! BESIDES, THE OUTCASTS ARE STINKY AND STUPID AND YOU PROBABLY DON'T REALLY LIKE THEM ANYWAY!!
*She gives the mic back to EWJ.*
EWJ: So, Big T and Nuriko, it's simple. Join us or get taken down for being in our way. Now, Hiro doesn't have anything to say, of course, what about you, Osaka?
BFOE: Can't talk, eating.
GWJ: All right, then. Nuriko and Big T, you know you don't really fit in where you are, around people who say "ninjas" when, in fact, "ninja" is both singular and plural. This is a great opportunity for you, because all the success that we've had so far, is just a prelude to what is to come.
Ramada: HAAAAAIIIIIIIILLLLLL EWJ!!
*We go to a commercial. In the commercial, a flight attendant is handed a ticket.*
Flight attendant: You'll be in seat number 57, sir. It's right...
*The camera turns to show Wesley Snipes.*
WS: Don't worry, I can find that one.
Voice over: John Cutter is in for another bad flight...
*Dakota Fanning walks up next to Wesley Snipes.*
DF: What seat am I in?
Flight Attendant: It looks like you're Passenger 58.
WS (to himself as he walks away): Oh man, I hate sitting next to kids...
VO: But things aren't always what they seem.*
*During the flight, some terrorists hijack the plane.*
WS (to DF): Don't worry, I've dealt with this kind of thing before.
DF: I'm not worried. Everything's going as planned.
*DF get up and joins the terrorists.*
DF: Do as we say, and you'll be just fine.
WS: I should have known!
*we start cutting from one scene to another: Wesley Snipes kicking people, Dakota Fanning shooting at something. Wesley Snipes talking on a radio.*
WS: Charlene, you ever play roulette?
DF (on another radio): Mr. Cutter! I'm not old enough to gamble!
*More rapid cuts. Explosions, guns, fighting...*
VO: This summer...
*Explosions, guns, fighting...*
VO: ...always bet on black...
*Even more rapid cuts, the final one showing WS swinging on a rope away from an exploding airplane into another airplane.*
VO: ...again!
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 5,813
I Am Groot 5000+ posts
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I Am Groot 5000+ posts
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 5,813 |
"Rooster" bursts forth from the Cheesedome PA speakers as Chris Oakley storms down to the ring, looking like he wouldn't think twice about ripping somebody's throat out.
LOUIE(off-camera): Geez, Oakley looks even angrier than usual!
MONROE(off-camera): Given what happened last week, that's no surprise!
Camera cuts over to Chris as he yanks a wireless mic out of James White's hand and turns to address the crowd.
CHRIS: There's only one way to describe what happened to the Outcasts last week... HIGHWAY--FUCKING--ROBBERY.(Shouts of "Right on!" and "You tell 'em, man!" can be heard from Reprobates members in the crowd) The only reason Johnny Awful and that broken-down dinosaur Grimm have the RDCW tag team titles is because they paid off the ref to look the other way while Grimm cheap-shotted my partner!
Otaku and Grimm fans start to jeer the Outcasts team captain.
CHRIS: Shut up, assholes, you know I'm right! Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, those punks better enjoy the belts while they can, because pretty soon the Outcasts are going to take the titles back and leave those two XPW rejects for dead!(brief pause) But first, I'm going to end the career of Big Jerk Tim! You thought you could run from the Outcasts forever, didn't you, Timmy Boy? WELL, YOU THOUGHT WRONG! Tonight, your little joy ride through RDCW comes to a screeching halt! Tonight, it's YOUR punk ass that'll be thrown over the top rope! It'll be the shortest match of your career...and the last. Once I lock the Eviction on you, it's all over...two seconds and you'll tap out! And after I've ripped your guts out, I'll let Superbeasto and Nuriko stomp on what's left of you!
Cheers from the Reprobates.
CHRIS: And one more thing...Joe Mama, when you and the IV Stooges interfered in our handicap match against Captain Howdy at Prom Night, you signed your own death warrants. One of these days, when you least expect it, the Outcasts are going to crush you has-beens like the cockroaches that you are.
Another pause as Chris raises his fist to acknowledge a group of Reprobates at ringside.
CHRIS: OUTCASTS RULE!
The PA starts blaring Judas Priest's "Breakin' the Law" as Chris throws his mic down and turns to walk back to the Outcasts' dressing room.
MONROE(off-camera): Chris Oakley has declared war on two of the most powerful factions in RDCW! 
LOUIE(off-camera): They started the war, Monroe, he's just getting ready to win it!
Last edited by Chris Oakley; 2006-06-15 5:49 PM.
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Backstage, we see Charlie. He's talking to camera
Charlie: At Convolution, The other members of the IV are facing the Sudden Death Connection. That's fine by me: I've beaten Penwing before, and I may have come up short against Captain Sammitch but so what? MisterJLA's the World Champ, he can handle it. Me though? I got a different objective.
Monroe: I think we all know what this is gonna be.
[Charlie: Now, I know Grimm's back, but I don't care. I broke that man's damn ankle, so I think he can take a hint and stay outta my way. But there's one guy, he's not gonna get the chance. I'm talking to you, SPAMM.
Suddenly, Charlie snaps, yelling at the camera
Charlie: I WANT YOU SPAMM! I DON'T CARE HOW MANY MEMBERS OF THE mWo I HAVE TO BEAT! I DON'T CARE WHOSE ASS I GOTTA KICK, I'M GONNA GET YOU AND I'M GONNA BREAK YOU! AFTER I'M DONE WITH YOU YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO CRAWL AWAY, LET ALONE WALK!
Monroe: I really wouldn't want to be in SPAMM's shoes right now!
Louie: I wouldn't want to be in SPAMM's shoes ever!
Charlie starts pacing back and forth, his rage boiling over
Charlie: I cost you your shot at the RDCW Title at Prom Night, SPAMM, remember that? I grabbed you by the leg and ripped you clean off that damn ladder. That's gotta sting, right? Here you are, a veteran wrestler, right back to the early days in Evil Cunt wreatling when you were hanging out with with Big Johnny Evil, and a rookie like me takes your one and only chance at the big time. For 10 years or more you've been a joke act, and I just stole your one and only chance at legitimacy. Hurts, right?
I'm offering you you're only chance at redemption, You beat me at Convolution, you got your legitimacy, you might just get taken seriously. How about it, huh?
The camera cuts back to ringside...
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As SPAMM comes down to the ring, without music or pyro. He's wearing jeans and an old ECW shirt, and looking serious. He rolls into the ring and speaks
SPAMM: Hey Charlie? You want me at Convolution? You got it. And before you start grinning, don't try your pathetic little mind games with me, boy. I've had my head fucked with by some of the greatest in the world, and you don't match up.
Monroe: SPAMM's more intesne than we've ever seen him!
SPAMM: And as for my lack of so-called legitimacy...I've dressed up as a superhero. I've stood in a ring making monkey noises. And all of this was my idea. You think I care about legitimacy? You thought wrong boy.
SPAMM pulls off his ECW t-shirt and tears off his jeans to reveal his mWo gear. 'Rock and Roll All Nite' starts to play, as the crowd pops
SPAMM: You know what, Charlie? You used to talk all about The Pitbull Line, how you retired guys like King Snarf and Penwing. Well, they're both back, and I'd be interested to see how they'd fare against you a second time. My guess is they wouldn;'t be the one staring at the lights when the 1-2-3 came. So how's this? We don't just face each other oncem we don't face each other twice...I'm talking a best of seven series. Now, I know they've been done thousands of times by loads of guys,so how's this for a change? Seven matches, seven different stipulations! I'm talking singles, two out of three falls, ladder matches, street fights, steel cage matches...hell, why not all the way, and go for a full fledged, knock down, drag ouit, Clockwork Banana House of Fun match?
'Rock and Roll all Nite' plays louder, and SPAMM rolls out of the ring, heading up the ramp before stopping at the top of the ramp to make the '4 the Money' sign
OOK OOK ACK EEK!
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*Backstage, Joey Biles stands with El Superbeasto. In the background, we can hear Chris Oakley ranting and Nuriko attempting to calm him down.
JB: I'm here tonight with one half of the Outcasts, the Giant Luchadore himself, El Superbeasto! Tonight, you go one on one with your former ally, Amuck!
*Superbeasto grabs the mic, interrupting Joey.
ES: Si! Tonight, little puta Amuck learns what it means to get in the Outcasts' way! Tonight, I show him the meaning of true lucha style. I will rip his head off! I will crush him! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
JB: Of course last week, you and Chris Oakley lost the World Tag Team titles that you'd held for almost six month-
*Superbeasto grabs Joey again, shaking him violently.
ES: You want to talk about last week?! I tell you about last week!
*Superbeasto delivers several giant headbutts to Joey, leaving him reeling before picking him for a Chokeslam to Oblivion! Chris Oakley runs into frame and the Outcasts hit the Odd Man Out on Joey, leaving him senseless on the floor.
ES: That is what I have to say about last week!!! VIVA LOS OUTCASTS!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will destroy all of you putas. Greetings from El Superbeasto.
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*Amuck is walking backstage, preparing for his match when he runs into Big Pimp Tim. Amuck pulls back to strike, but BPT calms him down.
BPT: Whoah, chill out, man. I just want to make you an offer.
*Amuck pauses and cocks his head to the side, listening.
BPT: I know you got no love for the Outcasts, and tonight I'm facing Chris Jokely in an over the top rope challenge. Now I'm not worried about the match. I've got a Punk Maker with Jokely's name on it. But I am worried about his partners interfering.
*Amuck points at himself and at BPT.
BPT: Right. I watch your back, you watch mine. We cool?
*Amuck ponders for a moment before taking BPT's outstretched hand.
BPT: Let's do it.
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353
Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Posts: 12,353 |
*"When It All Goes Wrong Again" as King Snarf makes his way to the ring!
Hello, ladies and gentlemen! It is King Snarf! Y'know, there's been something on mind that I'd like to share with everyone. A few months back, I did a promo that rankled a few feathers. I was unkindly shown the door. That's been in the back of my head for a long time. That's not how I wanted to end things and it really bugged me.
Then I had the chance to come back, in the King of the Mook-tain match. This, THIS was my chance for redemption! Now, you all know the outcome of that match...
Fans: YOU WERE ROBBED! YOU WERE ROBBED!
Maybe that's so. But, my goal wasn't to win. My goal was to put on the best show. For you! The Fans!
Fans: YOU STILL GOT IT! *clap clap clapclapclap* YOU STILL GOT IT!
...And to do better than Chewy Walrus! And by God, I got more votes than him!
Fans: SNARF BEAT CHEWY! *clap clap clapclap* SNARF BEAT CHEWY!
Thank you. I may not be King of the Mook-tain, but I'd like to think I'm King... of your hearts! And if I could, I'd be each and every one of you a Hickory Farms giftbasket!
Fans: HICKORY FARMS! HICKORY FARMS!
Bastardo: Such shameless sentimentality! What, does he want a medal?!?
Monroe: Oh, hush!
I've managed to do everything I've wanted to do here in RDCW. World Champ, Tag Team champ, and I beat Chewy. I've retired many superstars here. And I mean actual retirements, in that we've never seen them again, not like those fake retirements Charlie claims. TK-069, bsams, Kristogar Velo, Stareena... Now, there's one last superstar for me to retire. And that's... myself.
Fans: PLEASE DON'T GO! PLEASE DON'T GO!
You don't know how much that means to me. But, I want to go out on top. I don't want to still be, well past my prime, risking injury every time I walk to ring, to indulge myself in an angle in the Y Division! So, I'm gonna go out with dignity, and let me say this: Thank you.
Fans: THANK YOU SNARF! THANK YOU SNARF!
I just hope no one tries grossly and injustly invade my privacy, inadvertantly prompting my return to ring, but what are the odds of THAT happening? So, anyway, good night, and again, thank you.
Fans: HAIL TO THE KING! HAIL TO THE KING!
*King Snarf exits the ring, and goes to the announce table. He first shakes Louie Bastardo's hand, then Mike Monroe's. He then starts up the ramp, as people dressed like much of the roster pours out. Doc MidNite, as depicted by an Asian man with a mullet, is there for a handshake. Nowhereman, a whole foot shorter than he should be and with a tear in his eye, is also on hand.*
Nowhereman: Cunt. *sniff*sob!*
*At the top of the rampway is Spandex Monkey Man, a 6'8" black man with a beard. He clearly seems to be asking "Why?"
Spandex Monkey Man: Why?
*King Snarf claps SPAMM on the shoulder and points at him, clearly passing the torch. He then exits the Cheesedome.*
Monroe: Um......Truly an emotional night here at the Cheesedome! We'll be back with more after this quick commercial!
Last edited by Mike The Mouth Monroe; 2006-06-16 8:48 PM.
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342
300+ posts
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300+ posts
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342 |
Pitbull vs. MWO
Charlie vs. The General
Charlie plowed through the General in record time, showing his trademark ferocity as he racked up a win against another MWO member. After the match, Charlie took the mic and proclaimed that while his best of seven series against Spamm would begin at Convolution, there was still another member of the MWO that needed to walk the pitbull line, and that he wanted to face Syxxty-Nine next week!
Backstage, GM thedoctor informed the SDC that since Killconey would be involved in the Y Division match at Convolution, that Sammitch and Chewy would have to find another partner. Sammitch and Chewy appeared concerned, but Killconey seemed to have an idea.
Tag Match
The Otaku vs the Rebel Express
Hiro and Big Fat Osaka Elvis pulled off a win against their more experienced opponents without any interference from any of the other members of the Otaku. BFOE hit Big T in the corner with an Abeno Bash and held him back as Hiro hit James Fantastic with the Deathscythe to get the pin. It was after the win that the other members of the Otaku got involved. EWJ hit AJR from behind with a chair and then entered the ring. He then handed the chair to Hiro and directed his over to where BFOE was continuing to work on Big T. As EWJ made sure James Fantastic couldn't come to his partner's aid, Big T was taken down by repeated chair shots and then Hiro put Big T's arm in the chair. BFOE delivered the final blow, jumping off the second rope and landing on the chair feet first, breaking Big T's arm.
Bastardo: Big T should have taken the offer! Maybe Nuriko will be smarter.
Monroe: We'll find out next!
Hotties Match
Ramada vs. Nuriko
Both RDCW Hotties displayed impressive martial arts skills and Ramada delighted the crowd with one of her trademark "Jiggle Counters". The Other members of the Otaku entered the ring after Ramada won. EWJ handed Ramada a small black bag while Hiro and BFOE made sure Nuriko's fellow Outcasts couldn't stop EWJ and Ramada from doing what they had planned for Nuriko.
Ramada reached into the bag and pulled out hair clippers and proceeded to shave Nuriko bald! The Otaku then left and the Outcasts entered the ring to try to comfort the obviously distraught Nuriko.
Bastardo: The Otaku may not have gained any new members tonight, but they've certainly sent a message!
In the SDC locker room, Sammitch and Chewy conferred with Sweet Marlene, while awaiting to hear Killconey's apparent plan. Marlene reassured Sammitch and Chewy that things were well in hand.
Before the next bout, a large cake was wheeled out to ringside. . .
I make stars, baby!
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300+ posts
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Posts: 342 |
Over the rop rope, punk ass challenge
Big Pimp Tim vs. Chris Oakley
An enraged Chris Oakley tore into the arena, as the banquet tables for Doc's birthday bash were being set up along the ringside area. Oakley took the mic and began furiously ranting about what had just happened to Nuriko, as "Another One Bites the Dust" kicked off and BPT made his return to the Cheesedome and his signature match.
The seething Oakley was no match for BPT, who disposed of his preoccupied opponent pretty quickly, tossing him up and over the top rope and into the large birthday cake, sitting at ringside! Oakley crashed onto the cake, and the stripper who was waiting inside of it to pop out during the birthday party!
Oakley ripped the cake apart as El Superbeasto ran down to the ringside area and began attacking BPT! Oakley joined the assault and Amuck ran down to even the odds! They fought furiously until the Otaku appeared on the rampway, with EWJ waving a small plastic baggie filled with Nuriko's hair.
Oakley stormed out of the ring, chasing the Otaku backstage as BPT followed suit, until Y Division Champ Jeremy appeared from nowhere, laying out BPT with a belt shot across the forehead! Jeremy stood over BPT taunting him with the belt, before walking off, and that left our main event. . .
I make stars, baby!
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El Superbeasto vs. Amuck
They immediately tore into each other as Lothar ordered the bell to be rung and our main event was underway! They went fast and furious, with Amuck's recklessness staggering the Giant Luchadore on many occasions! Amuck went for a triple jump moonsault, but Superbeasto managed to escape and pick up his fallen foe for a mighty superplex that rocked the ring!
Superbeasto hit the Chokeslam to Oblivion and it was all over! Chris Oakley ran back out with a pair of scissors and was going to attempt to cut off Amuck's mask, but a recovered BPT hit the ring and the battle was on again!
Finally, the Otaku ran down and joined in the brawl, taking on both teams! RDCW security attempted to separate the brawl as Grimm watched enigmaticly from the rampway.
I make stars, baby!
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Doc's Birthday Bash!
After an extremely long commercial break, we returned to ringside to find the banquet tables expertly setup and amazingly, a replacement cake wheeled to ringside. Several RDCW officials, road agents, hotties, and wrestlers, were seated at the tables, which were piled with presents and alcohol. "War Pigs" finally began to play as GM thedoctor made his way to to the tables and took his seat at the middle. Pausing briefly to take a mic, he spoke: I just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for making this moment possible. The RDCW wouldn't be what it is without you. So thank you. Now on with the party!
But before the festivities could fully commence, Duane Eddy's "Trembler" cued up, signalling the arrival of. . .
I make stars, baby!
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Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
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Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 28,009 |
The music plays and the crowd cheers in spite of themselves as Joe Mama makes his way to ringside. He stops to grab a microphone and then heads over to where Doc is sitting. The Doctor looks at him impassively, patiently waiting for Joe Mama to get to the point...
JM: ONE...MONTH!!! For one monthI've been suffering indignity after indignity, unable to take my place at the side of the greatest faction in the RDCW today. For one month I stood by and watched this piece of crap GM abuse his power in a way that could only be described as masturbatory at the expense of my team...the IV!!!
The crowd cheers. The Doctor rolls his eye.
JM: Don't believe me? The past month's worth of IV matches don't convince you? Then watch this!!!
Joe Mama points to the Cheese-O-Tron, which comes alive. Video appears of Joe Mama in a shower cap, large smock, and elbow-length rubber gloves. He's holding a toilest brush and there are dark stains of an unimaginable origin on the smock. He's obviously in a men's room, and the pinatas, sombreros, and Mexican craft service tables make it clear in WHICH men's room he's standing. Joe Mama looks to his left and El Superbeasto lumbers past him. A moment or two later, Joe Mama's looks off-camera to his right and his face takes on a look of terror and agony. Then he appears to catch a whiff of something...he turns green, his eyes roll back into his head, and he keels over.
Cut to a golf course. Joe Mama is standing about five feet behind Doc, who's teeing up his shot. Joe Mama has a large golfbag across his back ans it's clear by his exhausted stance (and the sign that says "16th Hole") that he's been lugging this monstosity all game. Doc brings the club back to hit the ball, but loses his grip on the club. The club flies back and the club head hits Joe Mama squarely in the crotch. Joe Mama drops to his knees, cupping his balls and then the weight of the golf bag forces Joe Mama to the ground, crushing him under the weight of too many clubs. Doc points to the club and the golf bag seems to crawl towards it. An arm reaches out to the club, picks it up, and slips it into the bag.
Cut to the smiling face of what seems to be a 17-year-old mentally defective boy. He's in his best tuxedo...T-shirt. His blue jeans are dirty and stained, but someone had the bright idea to iron them. His black motorcycle boots shine almost as brightly as his greasy - obviously fake - pompadour. The camera pulls back to reveal the setting for prom pictures to be taken. The arch behind him has a sign that says "Romance Under The Sea - Hattiesburg Class Of 2006". Standing next to the happy "prom king" is Joe Mama. In a tasteful, surprisingly flattering prom dress made of hot pink chiffon. The blond wig is askew and Joe Mama has a heavily made-up scowl on his face. The lipstick and blush do nothing to make him an attractive female, nor do the softballs that are stuffed down the front of his tasteful dress. Doc comes into the picture, grinning from ear-to-ear. He stands between the "happy" couple and the resemblance between him and...the boy (it's too tempting to say "Joe Mama", Doc you bastid)...is unsettling. A camera (off-screen) takes pictures. The boy reaches across his relative (Doc you bastid) and gets a handful of "tit"...
JM: I think we've seen enough! (The Cheese-O-Tron goes blank)
JM: Doc, you've done everything you could to humiliate me and drive me from the RDCW - that montage doesn't even reveal the worst of it!!!
Monroe: That WASN'T the worst??? 
Louie: Joe Mama used the word "montage"???
JM: You used your power to stack the deck against the IV in hopes that they'd lose the titles they fought so hard to acquire! You denied them chances to win more gold! You allowed wrestlers like Chris Oakley to run at the mouth with no repercussions - how the FUCK has he held the tag titles this long???
Louie: Good question, actually...
JM: And you created yet another match at Convolutions meant to force the IV to drop titles to your personal butt-boys, the SDC! I'm surprised you didn't add King Snarf and his best Sting impression to that match out of pity and nostalgia! Doc, you're a damned disgrace, and I swear to you right now that the IV will have their revenge on YOU, on Chris Oakley and his Cast-Offs, on the Suck-Dee-Cee, and the rest of this promotion!!!
Doc glares at Joe Mama, daring him to make his move. Joe Mama grins arrogantly. Close up on Doc's face. Close up on Joe Mama's face. Close up of Doc's eyes as they squint. Close up of Joe Mama's eyes as they they widen in anticipation. Close up of a fat fan eating a hot dog to break up this spaghetti western rip-off. Cut to a flock of white doves being released into the arena cuz I feel like throwing in a John Woo reference...
JM: But not tonight, Doc. Happy Birthday!
Uschi said:I won't rape you, I'll just fuck you 'till it hurts and then not stop and you'll cry. MisterJLA: RACKS so hard, he called Jim Rome "Chris Everett." In Him, all porn is possible. He is far above mentions in so-called "blogs." RACK him, lest ye be lost! "I can't even brush my teeth without gagging!" - Tommy Tantillo: Wank & Cry, heckpuppy, and general laughingstock ![[Linked Image from i6.photobucket.com]](http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y203/JoeMama13/RedSoxBanner05.png)
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 28,009
Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
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Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 28,009 |
The Cheese-O-Tron once again comes alive. A satellite feed reveals Ghoultown live in concert. Count Lyle shouts, "This one's for Doc!!!" as the band busts into a demonic, rockabilly tune that's a mix of "Happy Birthday To You", "Dirty Sanchez", and a tale of Doc's ass-kickery. The members of the IV come down - each man holding a gift, except for MisterJLA, who has a large, delicious looking cake. He places the cake in front of Doc, who takes a fingerful of frosting, tastes it, and nods approvingly. Joe Mama holds up a finger telling Doc to wait a moment, takes the candles and lighter given to him by Doc Mid-Nite, places the candles in the cake, and shoots a flames across the wicks - the Zippo is less of a lighter and more of a mini flamethrower. Then, as Ghouldtown leads their audience in a "Doc!!!" chant, Joe Mama incites the Havoc crowd to follow suit. Two audiences go wild as Doc ponders a wish and then blows out the candles. As the applause rain down, Count Lyles shouts, "Happy Birthday, Doc! You magnificent bastard!!!" and the Cheese-O-Tron goes black.
JM: We're not done yet! Y'see, earlier tonight Chris Oakley ruined a thoughtful gift from the boys in the back. He destroyed the stripper cake that the roster chipped in on. Well, the IV aren't gonna let that stand! A man - even a despicable, no-good snake like our GM - deserves his damn stripper cake! Doc, the IV rushed out and got you that stripper cake over there (pointing to the new cake) and we hope it give you a night's worth of Happy Birthday!
Louie: Damn! That was thoughtful of Joe and the IV!
Monroe: I dunno...for some reason, this looks too good to be true...
Doc stands up and walks around the table and stands in front of Joe Mama, saying something that the crowd can't hear. Joe Mama shakes his head, says something back, and then extends his hand to Doc. Doc looks at it for a moment, pondering it. Then he shakes Joe Mama's hand. Joe Mama raises Doc's arm as the "victor"...
(Uh oh...)
(Oh no...it's coming now...)
...and takes him over to the big ol' stripper cake!
(Psyche!!!)
The other members of the IV shake Doc's hand or clap a hand on his shoulder and then stand behind him. Everyone has a look of anticipation on their faces - strippers, WOO!!!
JM: Okay, darlin', we've waited long enough! Come on out and give our boss the happiest birthday EVER!!!
The cake erupts and out pops - wearing nothing but a pair of tassles and a T-back g-string, as well as a ecstatic, lusty look on her face is...
CHRISTINE OAKLEY!!!
Doc screams and turns to run away, but the wall of the IV cuts him off! Christine rushes forward and jumps on The Doctor's back, dry-humping his back and kissing his head, and screaming in delight! The IV clear the way as Doc stumbles around, trying to beat her off (tee hee!!!) his back and escape. Team OC rushes out from the back...
Monore: Oh...oh GAWD!!! What's that on her wrist???
Louie: It's handcuffs...the same handcuffs that bound her to Rex!
Monroe: But...but...but...what's dangling from the other cuff?
Louie: It's...oh no...it's a HAND!!! And it looks like it was chewed through the wrist!!!
Monroe: Whu-whu-whu-whut's...in...the hand?!?
Louie: It's...it's...it's...
Louie and Monroe: A DIRTY USED SOCK!!!
As our commentators faint from the horror, Team OC grabs the newest, hottest couple in the RDCW and drag them to the back. One of Christine's "brothers"(???) says something about "a night of down-home good luvin's". The crowd is going nuts and the IV is collectively celebrating and high-fiving. Joe Mama picks up the microphone again...
JM: Chris Oakley...SDC...RDCW...and every one of you fans...let me make it clear! DON'T FUCK WITH THE IV!!!
The IV's celebration continues as this week's Havoc ends. Happy Birthday, Doc!!!
Uschi said:I won't rape you, I'll just fuck you 'till it hurts and then not stop and you'll cry. MisterJLA: RACKS so hard, he called Jim Rome "Chris Everett." In Him, all porn is possible. He is far above mentions in so-called "blogs." RACK him, lest ye be lost! "I can't even brush my teeth without gagging!" - Tommy Tantillo: Wank & Cry, heckpuppy, and general laughingstock
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
Quote:
Joe Mama said:
Doc glares at Joe Mama, daring him to make his move. Joe Mama grins arrogantly. Close up on Doc's face. Close up on Joe Mama's face. Close up of Doc's eyes as they squint. Close up of Joe Mama's eyes as they they widen in anticipation. Close up of a fat fan eating a hot dog to break up this spaghetti western rip-off. Cut to a flock of white doves being released into the arena cuz I feel like throwing in a John Woo reference...
Brilliant.
"Are you eating it...or is it eating you?" [center] ![[Linked Image from i13.photobucket.com]](http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a275/captainsammitch/boards/banners/blogban3.jpg) [/center] [center] ![[Linked Image from i13.photobucket.com]](http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a275/captainsammitch/boards/banners/jlamiska.jpg) [/center]
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,919
devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,919 |
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