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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342
300+ posts
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OP
300+ posts
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342 |
it's the last Havoc before Convolution! Who will team with Sammitch and Chewy at the ppv? And how will thedoctor respond to the Four's invasion of his birthday bash last week?
let's go to the ring!
The RDCW wishes former Women's Booby Champion Cowgirl Jack a happy birthday!
Charlie (97%, 66 Votes)
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Syxxty-Nine (3%, 2 Votes)
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Lor (97%, 66 Votes)
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Scooter (3%, 2 Votes)
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Punch / Counterpunch (94%, 64 Votes)
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Dabney Donovan / JQ (6%, 4 Votes)
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The Outcasts (93%, 63 Votes)
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The Otaku (Hiro & BFOE) (3%, 2 Votes)
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Big Pimp Tim & Amuck (4%, 3 Votes)
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Captain Sammitch (C) (93%, 64 Votes)
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Captain Howdy (7%, 5 Votes)
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I make stars, baby!
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1
living in 1962 15000+ posts
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1 |
*Rob Zombie's Lords of Salem plays as Grimm makes his way down to the ring, one half of the World Tag Team Titles around his waist.*
"First things first. There's a lot of people running around here, running their mouths, doing very little, and thinking that makes them big boys here in the RDCW. A lot of you punk asses have a big time reality check coming your way very, very soon."
"First item on the list: The Outcasts. I can't believe these two idiots held the tag titles for almost six months! What the hell is this? A joke? You know what else I can't believe? How easy it was to beat them!" 
"Oakley, you've been like a sick little dog, running around this company for far too long. Well, at Convolution I'm going to put you out of our collective misery for good! You and your partner El Masterbeato, are gonna take a long, hard fall."
"Next on the docket. The so-called Million $ Pitbull, Charlene. I hope you liked my little gift to you at Prom Night, Charlene. You know, not every woman gets her special day in such a dramatic, explosive manner. But that's a drama queen for you. Maybe you can talk to your buddies in the Four Stooges about how they deal with their monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Enjoy your little series with Spamm, Charlene, because if you make it past him, you've got bigger and better things to worry about. You won't know when or where. But it's gonna happen. And it's gonna be ugly."
"Lastly, and leastly, I tawt I taw a Snarf last month! Queen Snarf, I told you what would happen if you came back to the RDCW, and I meant every word! I'm throwing down the gauntlet, Snarf! After Convolution, I want you on Havoc! One on one! Let's end this."
"Oh, and for those of you who want to know, it's not an Otaku thing, it's not a Dark Lord thing, it's The New Regime. Prepare for your indoctrination."
*Lords of Salem cues up again as Grimm leaves the ring.
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,900
notnotnotnotnotnotnotwedge 2500+ posts
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notnotnotnotnotnotnotwedge 2500+ posts
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,900 |
*The Crotch is backstage at the door to the Otaku's dressing room. He knocks on the door and Hiro opens it.*
Crotch: Can I ack a few questions?
*Hiro just stares at him, smiling enigmatically.*
Crotch: Uhm, I'd like to get the Otaku's reaction to what Grimm just said.
*Hiro keeps staring and smiling enigmatically.*
Crotch: OK you're starting to creep me out...
*BFOE comes up behind Hiro and opens the door wider.*
BFOE: Aww, you're not the pizza man.
Ramada (shouting from inside: OSAKA, CAN YOU AT LEAST CALL IT OKONOMIYAKI?!! SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE YOU AREN'T EVEN TRYING!!
*EWJ comes up to the door, his tag tram belt is over his shoulder.*
EWJ: All you need to know if that this belt is in the posession of the Otaku, and that's where it's going to stay. The nature of our alliance with Grimm will be revealed when you need to know it.
Crotch: But what is this New Regime he mentioned?
EWJ: You'll find out soon enough. Now get out of here, Hiro and Osaka have to get ready for their match. Oh, and tell the programmers not to send you for interviews. We'd rather have that "numbah one" announcer guy.
*The Crotch seems about to ask something else, but EWJ slams the door in his face.*
Crotch: Back to you.
Monroe: Well, the Otaku aren't saying much about this "New Regime" and no one knows where to find Grimm.
Bastardo: They'll tell us when they're ready. That's all we need to know.
Monroe: Great, you've already been indoctrinated. Folks, we'll be right back after a few words from our sponsor Six Flags Cheesedomeworld, home of the all new Big Banana. This summer, ride the Big Banana!
Last edited by NotWedge; 2006-06-20 9:03 PM.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
MisterJLA is sitting alone in The IV locker room, scarfing down a piece of cake. His World Title, designed by former RDCW superstar Wednesday, is shining in The IV's trophy case...
In walks Captain Howdy...
Quote:
JLA: Howdy, my good man! How are you?
Capt: What the Hell are you eating?
JLA: Cake from thedoctor's "party". What some?
Capt: Gimboid...that's not from the cake Christine Oakley popped out of a week ago, is it???
JLA instantly gets pale. He sets the cake down on the ground. Moments later, he looks at it and mumbles:
Quote:
JLA: Fuck it, I'm hungry.
Capt: 
JLA: <talking with his mouth full of cake> Captain, tonight you face Captain Sammitch-
Capt: Sumbitch!
JLA: Right, Captain Sumbitch for the Cunt Championship! Just think! Make him tap, or pin him, and you'll be the Hardcore Poon, and the Cunt Holder! You'll make The IV proud and even more powerful! This is going to be the greatest HAVOK EVAR!
JLA looks off into the distance...
Quote:
JLA: HEY! And just think, you'll be the first Cunt Champion since Nowhereman tarnished the belt eight months ago! You will be the toast of jolly ol' England! I bet they'd have a parade in your honor!
Capt: That's honour, you dunce!
JLA: I'm even beginning to think that the appeal of the RDCW would be broadened...abroad! The RDCW could have a PPV in the UK, and you could defend the championship! Or you and I could team up again to go for the Tag Titles, just like the good old days! A PPV in the UK!
JLA stares into the camera...
Quote:
JLA: IF ONLY SOMEONE WOULD APPROVE MY IDEA...
Howdy: You have ideas?
JLA: Watch it, Gr-
Just then, there is a knock on the door:
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Deliveryman: Strippers and Waffles!
Capt: They deliver?
JLA: Do they! C'mon in!
The deliveryman wheels in a cart with a silver covered tray on it.
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Deliveryman: That will be 20 bucks, please.
JLA looks around...
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JLA: Huh. I left my wallet in my other pair of tights. Can I see the bill and something to write with?
The deliveryman hands JLA the bill and a pen.
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JLA: Here. Put that on my tab.
Deliveryman: Your tab? Management will NOT allow you to put anything else on that. You still owe for about a brillion lap dances.
JLA: Ok, here. Here's my autograph. You can sell it on eBay or some rubbish. Howdy, show him the door.
Howdy heaves the man out of the door.
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Capt: More food? Haven't you had enough?
JLA: <holding his stomach> Yeah. But I bought this for you! It's a motivational item for your match tonight!
Howdy removes the cover from the tray, to reveal...
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JLA: A double decker sandwich, get it? You, myself, and Doc. Mid-Nite have a 3-championship match against Sudden Death RAWKS at Convolution! In a double decker cage match!
Captain Sammitch will be in that match, and facing you in tonight’s match! Get it? I bought you a double decker in honor of the double decker cage! It's a sandwich and you're fighting Captain Sammitch tonight, and at the PPV! Get it? Devour that sandwich, and it will give you good luck against Sammitch!
JLA looks at Howdy waiting for a response. Howdy looks at JLA, then the sandwich.
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Howdy: Bollocks!
Howdy leaves the locker room.
Quote:
JLA: What? Don't you get it? It's a sandwich!
Ad!
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 50
25+ posts
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25+ posts
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 50 |
Today's secret word is... PWN3D!!!!!11111 Hah hah hah!
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1
living in 1962 15000+ posts
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1 |
Quote:
Pee Wee Herman said:
Today's secret word is... PWN3D!!!!!11111 Hah hah hah!
you sure it's not "spammed" as in the voting? really, sixty eight votes? is that necessary? 
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 24,593
Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 24,593 |
*Havoc returns from commercial to see the Doctor standing in the ring, mic in hand.*
I know all of you want to know how I escaped from Christine and the Oakley Clan last week. Well, let's just say that the Havoc after Convolution will have whoever the reigning Tag Team Champions are defend their belts agains The O.C. The winners get the belts, and the losers get Christine. Or, should I say, Christine Oakley will get the losers.
Now, on to other pressing matters. Last week my birthday celebration was crashed by a teary eyed Joe Mama and his little group of wacky, mad-cap wrestlers. I just couldn't get over how whiny he and many other wrestlers on the roster were. Then, I realized that I shouldn't get mad at him. It's not his fault. It's not like he knowingly broke a rule that had been made public knowledge to him, the IV, and even the fans. It's not like he knew that coming to the ring during a championship match would lead to harsh sanctions. You see, it was all my fault because I forgot to pin the note reminding him to his shirt before the PPV.
And when it came to his punishment, it's not like I gave him an option to opt out and sit at home for a month. I mean, only a complete moron would decide to take that kind of embarrassment if such an option is present. And I must confess right now. Not only do I not play golf, I don't even like golf. So I'll let all of you try and figure out why that little Bob Saget moment happened.
But, fans, the reason I'm out here right now is because, after last week's program, I did a little introspection. I realized that all the wrestlers were right. I have been involved in numerous conspiracies against multiple members of the roster. After all, destroying your talent is the best way to keep a wrestling promotion afloat. Each time I refused their off the wall demands for unearned title shots, hugely expensive gimmick matches to finish their personal vendettas, or simply not giving them carte blanche to the whole company, I wasn't being a good businessman looking out for the welfare of the RDCW or the amusement of you fans. I was merely trying to crush them. I forgot that I'm not running a world-class, kick to the balls wrestling promotion. It's a gobdamn daycare for overgrown, spoiled brats!
*The Doctor's face is now red as he almost screams into the microphone.*
They're right. I haven't given them enough. I didn't do enough for Nowhereman by opening up his wretling schedule so that can film his movies or record his latest album in the studio. I haven't done enough for Grimm by giving him paid leave during his many recent injuries. I haven't given enough to MisterJLA by hiring him after the DCMB fed went belly up and no other promotion would give him a job, much less a title shot. I didn't do nowhere near enough for Joe Mama when I took money from my own pocket so that he can pay his bills, keep his apartment, and buy new ring gear to come work here at RDCW after having gone over six months without a single paycheck from Evil Cunt Wrestling.
*His expression calms as his mood returns to normal.*
Well tonight that's going to change. I'm going to start giving back to the wrestlers. Right now, I'm going to start with the IV. I've got some career advice for you. Watch your backs. That's not a threat. I'm not posturing out here, trying to make you scared of me. I just run the business the way it needs to survive. I'm talking about a danger much closer. A hidden snake, coiled up, ready to strike. I'm talking about your #5. Your manager, Joe Mama. What happens when he decides that he wants back in the ring? You think that you're all just going to have one big committee meeting and discuss your name change? Or do you think that he's just going to cut the one he considers the weakest out from the herd? That's if he even decides to stay with the IV. Let's face the facts. Joe Mama changes affiliations faster than PJP does avatars. The second you can't take him any further, he's gone.
And what happens, MisterJLA, when Joe decides that he wants that championship belt back. Or, better yet, when he decides that he can take it from you? Will he just out and attack you? Or will he have snaked his way deep into the minds of the IV, whispering his temptations until they all turn their backs on you? The main thing I've learned about Joe Mama is that he wears many faces. Don't believe me? Just ask Son of Mxy, King Snarf, PenWing, and all the Bastardos just how Joe Mama plays the game. Is he Joe Mama of the IV? The Family Enforcer? Who? Remember that every night as you lace up your boots in the same dressing room as him, as you walk down that ramp to this ring. Hell, even as you sit back in your locker room right now, telling you that this is all just some ploy by me to drive a wedge into the IV. Think about all this and ask yourself, "Which Joe Mama am I looking at now?"
*The Doctor drops the mic and, without music or pyro, leaves the ring area.*
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342
300+ posts
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OP
300+ posts
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342 |
Pitbull vs. MWO
Charlie vs. Syxxty-Nine
Charlie made quick work of the MWO's female member (heh), despite Syxxty-Nine's best efforts. Charlie avoided a Bronco Buster attempt. . .
Monroe: What? Is he gay?
Bastardo: Gay for Joe Mama!
Monroe: What???
Bastardo: Nothing. 
Then locked in a Boston Crab, forcing her to submit. Charlie again got on the mic, in an attempt to gloat, but the mic fizzed out on him. Charlie threw the mic down in a fit of rage and stormed out of the arena!
Meanwhile, in the SDC locker room. . .of justice. . .
Sammitch and Chewy waited for Killconey to reveal his surprise. There was a knock at the door and Sammitch got up to answer it. The door swung open to reveal. . .Killconey in a mask. A different mask than his usual one.
KC: Whattaya think?
CS: You changed your mask, big deal.
KC: No, not just my mask! Because at Convolution, your partner will not be Killconey, but. . .Dr. Tran!
CS: I don't think this is gonna work.
Hotties Match
Lor vs. Scooter
Lor made quick work of the rookie Hottie with a Last Laugh and began to challenge Ramada, who appeared onscreen holding the bag of Nuriko's hair. A crazed Nuriko stormed the ring and attacked Lor, laying her out with a chairshot and demanding to be added to the Women's Title match at Convolution!
Tag Match
Punch/Counterpunch vs. Dabney Donovan and JQ
Bibbo and I-Man were victorious in their return to tag action, quickly disposing of their foes, but after the match, Irwin Shwab lead the DCWEBMASTRS down to the ring, as they again brutally attacked the brother team! The two teams brawled out into the arena and through the back.
As they brawled past thedoctor's office, Sammitch, Chewy, and Kill-er, Dr. Tran knocked on the door.
thedoctor answered, still huffy from the end of his birthday bash last week and his surprise reunion with Christine Oakley. "What? I thought I told you already, Killconey can't compete in the six man match!"
CS: This isn't Killconey! It's. . .
Dr. Tran: Dr. Tran! 
Doc: Killconey in a different mask. That's not gonna fool anybody. Go get ready for your match, Sammitch. I'll announce your partner at the end of tonight's show.
I make stars, baby!
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342
300+ posts
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OP
300+ posts
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 342 |
Triple Threat Tag
Outcasts vs. Otaku vs. Big Pimp Tim & Amuck
All three teams hit the ring and began brawling immediately as the action spilled out across the arena. As Oakley and BFOE fought in the ring, Grimm slid under the bottom rope and nailed Oakley with a chair shot! EWJ then appeared out of the crowd and hit Amuck with a chair as well! As Grimm, EWJ, and the Otaku continued beating down on both of the other teams, Lothar rang the bell and declared the match a no contest! Eventually, security cleared all the wrestlers out of the arena.
IC Title
Captain Sammitch (C) vs. Captain Howdy
Captain Sammitch came to the ring ready to defend his title. Howdy was already in the ring, along with a very sick looking MisterJLA
JLA: I can't believe I ate that whole sandwich. . .
CH: FUCK OFF!
Sammitch handed Lothar the belt and the match started with a lockup, but as Sammitch's technical prowess flustered the veteran brawler, Howdy signalled to the back as Joe Mama and the remaining members of the Four hit the ring and began working over Sammitch!
Chewy and KC, er, Dr. Tran, hit the ring as well, but the numbers game proved too much for them as the Four took them down as well! Joe Mama then took the house mic and called for thedoctor to reveal the SDC's mystery partner, as he would have no one to team with since the Four just took out the SDC!
"War Pigs" cued up as thedoctor hit the rampway, with a wicked grin on his face.
Doc: You want to know who the mystery partner is?
JM: Yes, I do.
Doc: (to the crowd) Do you people want to know who the SDC's partner is?
Fans: YEEEEAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Doc: Well, I'll tell you. I've thought long and hard about this one here tonight. The SDC's partner is someone who has a history with them. A former World Champ. A former Tag Team Champ. . .
JM: It's Snarf, isn't it? I knew it! We've got this in the bag!
Doc: It's not Snarf. Snarf is not currently under contract to the RDCW. He was, however, at one time one of the most popular stars here in the RDCW. . .
JM: It's PenWing! PenWing's making his big comeback at Convolution, isn't he? I knew it! We're prepared for that also!
Doc: No, Joe, it's not PenWing. PenWing is still on the injured list. We don't know when, or if, he'll return.
JM: So, who is it, then? You're running out of people to name off.
Doc: The SDC's mystery partner at Convolution is none other than. . .
JOE MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone:
Monroe & Bastardo: What??!!!
Doc: That's right, at Convolution it will be MisterJLA, Captain Howdy, and Doc. Mid-Nite vs. Captain Sammitch, Chewy Walrus, and Joe Mama! And Joe, if you or any other member of the Four attempt to throw this match, you will be fired on the spot!
Fans: 
JM: 
Doc: And just to keep things interesting, I've decided that everyone involved in this match should have something at stake, not just the champions. So, if Chewy Walrus is pinned or submits, he will have to be MisterJLA's servant for a month! If Doc. Mid-Nite is pinned or submits, he will have to have his head shaved in the middle of the ring! And if you, Joe Mama, are pinned or submit, you must forfeit any and all challenges to any titles for any member of the Four for six months! Now that sounds like pay per view, RDCW style to me! Good night, folks!
"War Pigs" plays again as thedoctor leaves as the cameras focus on JM and the Four fuming in the ring. Fadeout.
I make stars, baby!
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