RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts LOOK I'M POSTING DRUNK

I'm not a good drinker, I get drunk easily. And I just got home with 6 bottles of Strong Ice in me. I feel like there's water inside my head and my brain is floating in it, and I don't know if I want to throw up or take a crap or both at the same time and I'm taking a piss almost every 5 minutes.

Here's what amazes me: I can still spell. I didn't turn into sneaky bunny or anything and I don't really feel the need to mash the keyboard around so that meh whrds dlk luk diz.

it's either crazy drunk reax is a faker or I am awesome.

You also didnt take the time and effort to create a Crazy Drunk Son of Mxy alt!

It all depends on the person. When I get drunk and post, I tend to be more concerned with spelling as to make sure that what I'm posting isn't complete and utter gibberish than I am sober. Also, the more you move around, the more you're going to feel it. So sitting still is the best thing for you if you're not sure if you're gonna spew or not.

When I'm drunk, I cant even turn on a PC let alone type!
But then again, when I do get drunk I dont do it in half measures.
I drink (lots), I throw up, I pass out!

SHOW US YOUR BOOBS!

Dude! That's your androgynous son!

It's not my fault that he/she is so hot!

Well, it kinda is...

Rob is gay!

What?

Kentucky Bluegrass State
Louisiana Pelican State
Maine Pine Tree State
Maryland Old Line State
Massachusetts Bay State, Old Colony State
Michigan Wolverine State, Great Lakes State
Minnesota North Star State, Land of 10,000 Lakes
Mississippi Magnolia State
Missouri Show Me State
Montana Treasure State
Nebraska Cornhusker State
Nevada The Silver State, Sage State, Sagebrush State
New Hampshire Granite State
New Jersey Garden State
New Mexico Land of Enchantment
New York Empire State
North Carolina Old North State, Tar Heel State
North Dakota Peace Garden State, Flickertail State, Roughrider State
Ohio Buckeye State
Oklahoma Sooner State
Oregon Beaver State
Pennsylvania Keystone State
Rhode Island The Ocean State, Plantation State
South Carolina Palmetto State
South Dakota Mount Rushmore State,Under God the People Rule, Coyote State
Tennessee Volunteer State, Big Bend State, Hog & Hominy State, the Mother of Southwestern
Statesmen
Texas Lone Star State
Utah The Beehive State
Vermont Green Mountain State
Virginia Old Dominion State, Mother State
Washington The Evergreen State
West Virginia Mountain State
Wisconsin Badger State
Wyoming Equality State

Missouri is also known as the " Blow Me State. "

Old Women's Choices
by Ruth Harriet Jacobs

We keep our thermostats at fifty-nine
so we can give our children gifts
we really cant afford.
We buy bruised, overripe fruit
from the distressed produce
and donate to our churches

We buy our own clothes at thrift shops
but select grandchildrens presents
from the nicest shop in town.
We eat the same boring dinner every day
because we won't cook for ourselves
but produce a feast for guests.
We never say we need help when we do
but do without, not wanting to burden
those whose burdens we carried

Some of us break out of these patterns
realize we have rights and choices
to care for ourselves too
but it is hard to forget early teaching.
Even after all these years
we put ourselves last.

Taken from the book
If I had my life to live over
Editd by Sandra Haldeman Martz
Papier Mache Press--Watsonville, California 1992

If I Had My Life to Live Over
(I would pick more daisies)
by Nadine Stair

I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.
I'd relax, i would limber up.
I would be sillier than I have been this trip
I would take fewer things seriously
I would take more chances
I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers
I would eat more ice cream and less beans
I would perhaps have more actual troubles,
but I'd have few imaginary ones

You see, I'm one of those people who live sensibly
and sanely hour after hour, day after day
Oh, I've had my moments
and if I had it to do over again,
I'd have more of them
In fact, I'd try to have nothing else
Just moments, one after another,
instead of livng so many years ahead of each day
I've been one of those persons who never
goes anywhere without a thermometer,
a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute.
If I had to do it again,
I would travel lighter than I have

If i had my life to live over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall
I would go to more dances,
I would ride more merry-go-rounds.

I would pick more daisies.

Taken from the book
If I had my life to live over
Editd by Sandra Haldeman Martz
Papier Mache Press--Watsonville, California 199

Linda Wheatley: Karl, you know what? Melinda here was voted employee of the
month at the dollar store last February. Isn't that something?
Karl: Yes ma'am, I reckon.
Melinda: Well, when you like pricing items as much as I do, it's just bound
to happen sooner or later, I guess.

Terence: We wrote one last night outside the mini mart. Morris called it
"Stuart Drives A Comfortable Car" and then like in country songs, you know,
in parentheses it says "There's Usually Someone in the Trunk." And, and um, I came up with a tune just a hummin'.

Doyle: See, you don't want to question the genius, Vaughan. Morris here is
a modern-day poet, kinda like in olden times.

Morris: Yeah, I got a new tune in composition entitled "The Thrill." And it
goes somethin' like this: "I stand on the hill, not for a thrill, but for
the breath of a fresh kill. Never mind the man who contemplates doin' away
with license plates. He stands alone, anyhow, bakin' the cookies of
discontent by the heat of the laundromat vent. Leavin' his soul!" Then like
in poetry I go dot-dot-dot, you know, kinda off center, then I drop down
and then I go: "Leavin' his soul! And partin' the waters of the medulla
oblongata of - -brrrrrr! - -mankind!" That was a damn good song, wasn't it
Doyle?

7073 - Leyland number
7079 - Sophie Germain prime, safe prime

7103 - Sophie Germain prime
7106 - octahedral number

Batman: "That's one trouble with dual identities, Robin. Dual responsibilities."

Batman: "In fact, Mr. Wayne is taking Mrs. Harriet Cooper, a devotee of Miss Glaze's, backstage before the performance to meet the dazzling star."
Robin: "While Dick Grayson, I suppose, stays home and works on his essay on glaciers?"
Batman: "Right again, Robin."

Robin: "To the batcave?"
Batman: "And up the batpoles."
Robin: "The batpoles?"
Batman: "Even crimefighters need their sleep, Robin."

Robin: "Picked up the seal pulsator yet, Batman?"
Batman: "We're still over land, Robin, and a seal is an aquatic, marine mammal."
Robin: "Gosh, yes, Batman, I forgot."

Robin: "Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?"
Batman: "The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin."

Robin: "Batman, maybe I should stay home tonight. Homework, you know."
Batman: "I think you should acquire a taste for opera, Robin, as one does for poetry and olives."

Robin, to Carpet King: "You must be that gentleman I've read about. Aren't you a king or something?"
Batman: "Robin, England has no king now. England has a queen, and a great lady she is, too."

Robin: "Gosh, Batman, this camel grass juice is great."
Batman: "Beware of strong stimulants, Robin."

Batman: "Robin, the Constitution provides that a man is innocent until proven guilty. And the Constitution is the cornerstone of our great nation. We must abide by it."
Robin: "Gosh, when you put it that way..."

Batman: "Man-eating lilacs have no teeth, Robin. It's a process of ingestion through their tentacles."

Batman (after cracking a safe): "It's not difficult, if you have steady nerves and a good ear. Quality is destroyed by the tenor of criminal life."

Batman: "An older head can't be put on younger shoulders."

Robin: "Venus seemed like a nice girl in that costume."
Batman: "I suspect she is a nice girl down deep, but she's fallen in with bad companions. And who knows what her home life was like."

Batman: "Go back outside and calm the flower children."
Robin: "They'll mob me!"
Batman: "Groovy."

Batman: "You know your neosauruses well, Robin. Peanut butter sandwiches it is."

Batman: "Too many Bessarovian Cossacks around here, Robin. If I'd joined you in the fight, some of them may have been injured."

Robin, about Batgirl: "She's gone again! For once, Batman, let's follow her."
Batman: "No, Robin. With my head sticking out of this neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary, run of the mill crimefighter."

Bruce: "Just because we're traveling, I don't think that Dick should neglect his studies, so we brought along one thousand key works of literature, his biological specimens, and also his own desk."
Dick: "Yes, I expect to study hard."

Batman: "You're far from mod, Robin. And many hippies are older than you are."

Superintendent Watson: "Well, I think this calls for a cup of char at venerable Ireland Yard."
Robin: "Char?"
Batman: "Yes, Robin, a colloquialism for tea."

Catwoman: "Let noone say that Catwoman is not the best-dressed woman in the world."
Batman: "There are no fashion shows where you're going, Catwoman."
Robin: "And how could a feline feloness like you also be a fashion model?"
Batman: "Ah-ah. Give credit where credit is due, Robin. She may be evil, but she is attractive. You'll know more about that in a couple of years."

Robin: "If we close our eyes, we can't see anything."
Batman: "A sound observation, Robin."

Robin, about Catwoman: "Do you think she'll kill Batgirl?"
Batman: "Or worse, Robin. Or worse."

Batman: "Nobody wants war."
Robin: "Gee, Batman. Belgravia's such a small country. We'd beat them in a few hours."
Batman: "Yes, and then we'd have to support them for years."

Joker: "Let bygones be bygones. I'd like to shake hands with both of you. Can't we be friends?"
Robin: "I'd rather shake hands with a spitting cobra!"
Batman: "You're being cynical, Robin. To err is human, to forgive...divine."

Batman: "What took you so long, Batgirl?"
Batgirl: "Rush hour traffic, plus all the lights were against me. And you wouldn't want me to speed, would you?"
Robin: "Your good driving habits almost cost us our lives!"
Batman: "Rules are rules, Robin. But you do have a point."

Batman: "Cattail Lane and Nine Lives Alley. The Grimalkin Novelty Company is on that corner."
Robin: "Grimalkin? What kind of a name is that?"
Batman: "An obscure but nevertheless acceptable synonym for cat, Robin."

Robin, looking at Batgirl: "You know something, Batman?"
Batman: "What's that, Robin?"
Robin: "She looks very pretty when she's asleep."
Batman: "I thought you might eventually notice that. That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum."

Robin: "Gosh, if I could just figure out that riddle. Why can't I get it?"
Batman: "Maybe your mind's on that cute little teenager who waved to you on the way across town, eh?"
Robin: "Awww, come on, Batman."

Dick: "Awww, heck! What's the use of learning French anyway?"
Bruce: "Dick, I'm surprised at you! Language is the key to world peace. If we all spoke each other's tongues, perhaps the scourge of war would be ended forever."
Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, yes. I'll get these darn verbs if they kill me!"

Robin: "What do we do, tip off Commissioner Gordon?"
Batman: "No, not on your life, old man. The Penguin and I have a score to settle."

Dick: "Wow! The rings of Saturn! This is sure some fun, Bruce."
Bruce: "Astronomy is more than mere fun, Dick."
Dick: "It is?"
Bruce: "Yes, it helps give us a sense of proportion. Reminds us how little we are, really. People tend to forget that sometimes."
Dick: "Gosh yes, that's right. I'll bet I see those rings a little differently this time!"

Robin: "Gosh, there could be diplomatic repercussions if we fail this time, Batman."
Batman: "That's not the point, Robin. What's important is that the world know that all visitors to these teeming shores are safe, be they peasant or king."
Robin: "Gee, Batman, I never thought of that. You're right."
Batman: "It's the very essence of our democracy."

Batman to Robin: "Stop fiddling with that atomic pile and come down here!"

Dick: "Gosh, botany is tough. I'll never learn to recognize all these trees!"
Bruce: "Come come, Dick. Pine. Elm. Hickory, chestnut, maple. Part of our heritage is the lure of living things, the storybook of nature."
Dick: "That's true, Bruce. I'll learn to read that book of nature yet!"

Batman: "Robin, you haven't fastened your safety bat-belt."
Robin: "We're only going a couple of blocks."
Batman: "It won't be long until you are old enough to get a driver's license, Robin, and you'll be able to drive the Batmobile and other vehicles. Remember, motorist safety."
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, when you put it that way.."

Bruce: "When we have more time, I'll acquaint you with the various processes of sculptoring. It's a fascinating art to which I devoted many hours of study."
Dick: "I sure would like to hear about it, Bruce."

Batman (during a bat-climb): "Careful, Robin. Both hands on the Bat-rope."
Robin: "Sorry, Batman."

Robin (about Lydia Limpet): "Gosh, Batman, those look like honest eyes."
Batman: "Never trust the old chestnut, 'Crooks have beady little eyes'. It's false."

Robin: "When we put the fake jewels in Miss Starr's safe and take the real ones out, we could be nailed as crooks."
Batman: "That's a chance we have to take, Robin. In our well ordered society, protection of private property is essential."
Robin: "Yes, you're right, Batman. That's the keystone to all law and order."

Dick Grayson: "I thought Lima was the capital of Equador."
Bruce Wayne: "As you can see, I was right. It's the capital of Peru."
Aunt Harriet: "Oh, I just love this game of capitals. It's just so educational!"
Bruce: "Not only that, if we don't know all about our friends to the south, how can we can carry out our good neighbor policy?"

Bruce: "Most Americans don't realize what we owe to the ancient Incas. Very few appreciate they gave us the white potato and many varieties of Indian corn."
Dick: "Now whenever I eat mashed potatos, I for one will think of the Incas."

Dick (working on a jigsaw puzzle): "It's so much harder with the pieces upside down."
Bruce: "Of course. Think of what excellent training it is for your visual memory."
Dick: "Gosh yes, I guess that's true."

(in Batmobile, on golf course)
Robin: "Let's get going and make an emergency bat-turn!"
Batman: "Not this time, old chum. Have to think of the golfers. The retro-rockets would burn up the course for a hundred yards."

Batman: "Human mechanisms are made by human hands, Robin. None of them is infallible. It is a lesson that must be faced."

Batman: "That's life, Robin, full of ups and downs. It ill befits any of us to become to confident."

Batman (about to cross the street): "Remember Robin, always look both ways."

Robin: "It sure is a shame, Batman. A restaurant with such terrific chow turning out to be a mere front for some criminal scheme."
Batman: "Look at it this way, Robin. That $100 cover charge is pretty stiff. Penguin's 'terrific chow' is hardly within the budget of the average worker."
Robin: "Gosh yes, you're right, Batman. All the needy people in the world, all the hungry children."
Batman: "Good thinking, Robin."

Dick: "Gosh Bruce, Greek is still Greek to me."
Aunt Harriet: "It's Greek to a lot of Greeks too. It's one of the world's oldest, most important, most beautiful languages."
Dick: "It may be, Aunt Harriet, but can't we take a breather and work out in the gym for a while?"
Aunt Harriet: "But the mind needs excercise too, Dick."
Dick: "Well, my mind is getting muscle-bound."
Bruce: "Ahhh, there is an old saying, Dick. A sound mind and a sound body. A worthy goal."

Batman: "Ma Parker's girl is more dangerous than her three boys."
Robin: "Her legs sort of reminded me of Catwoman's."
Batman: "You're growing up, Robin. Remember, in crime-fighting always keep your sights raised."

Robin: "But what is it?"
Batman: "Saribus Sacer. A species of ancient Egyptian beetle, sacred to the Sun God, Hymeopolos. And from which the term scarab is derived. But, you should know that, Robin, if you are up on your studies of Egyptology."
Robin: "You're right."

Batman: "I know. Hieroglyphics self-taught are a chore, Robin; but, it is a surefire way to unravel the secrets of the ancient mystics."

Batman: "Experience teaches slowly, Robin. And at a cost of many mistakes."

Robin: "I am a little hungry."
Batman: "Of course, Robin. Even crime-fighters must eat. And especially you. You're a growing boy and you need your nutrition."

Batman: "Remember the Boy Scouts' motto."
Robin: "'Be prepared'."
Batman: "It would do well to keep that in mind at all times."

Robin: "We better hurry, Batman."
Batman: "Not too fast, Robin. In good bat-climbing as in good driving one must never sacrifice safety for speed."
Robin: "Right again, Batman."

Batman: "Tarnished reputations are unfortunate, Robin. We can live with those. However, a threat to all of Gotham City is something else."

Robin: "Self-control is sure tough sometimes, Batman!"
Batman: "All virtues are, old chum. Indeed, that's why they're virtues."

Robin: "How about rushing the place, Batman?"
Batman: "Shh. I think not, Robin. All they've done so far is stolen a few items, attempted to kill you, me, and Batgirl. No, I think they plan something really big."

Dick: "Bruce, let me ride Waynebow. I'm light enough."
Bruce: "No, Dick, I couldn't allow my own ward to ride my own thoroughbred. People might think it was funny."

Frank Burns talkative User 7500+ posts Fri Jul 18 2008 11:51 PM Reading a post
Forum: off topic and offensive posts
Thread: LOOK I'M POSTING DRUNK

243

When Thomas Jefferson's wife, Martha, was dying in 1782, he promised her that he would never remarry. He kept his promise, but you could say he found a loophole.

Though Jefferson never admitted it, many at the time knew that he had shacked up with his house slave, Sally Hemings, and fathered 6 children with her. Sally, who was 1/4 black, was the half-sister of Jefferson's wife, Martha. It was common at the time for men to sleep with slaves, but it was still a scandal. Especially since Jefferson himself had written in 1814 that "[t]he amalgamation of whites with blacks produces a degradation to which no lover of his country, no lover of excellence in the human character, can innocently consent."

Playmate Paula Parkinson: 'Washington Is Basically a Very Horny City'

When 3 Republican congressmen joined insurance lobbyist Paula Parkinson for a golfing trip to Florida, they didn't realize it would soon become the most infamous foursome of the 1980s.

Anybody who knows Dan Quayle, knows he'd rather play golf than have sex any day.
- Marilyn Quayle on Paula Parkinson's allegations
Though the account has never been confirmed, Parkinson would later strongly imply in a Playboy interview that her vacation with Thomas Evans, Jr., Tom Railsback, and Dan Quayle was about more than golf. Parkinson alleged that she had carried on flings with "fewer than a dozen" Republican members of the House. Why only Republicans?

"I don't do Democrats!" was her answer to Playboy.

She later told the Justice Department she had several flings with House members while she was in Washington. The New York Times quoted an unnamed Justice Department source in 1981 as saying:

''She gave us some salacious accounts of purported activities with congressmen, but there was no evidence of Federal violations,'' the source said.


Dan Quayle (left) doesn't let a little thing like a sex scandal scare him away from golf. (Getty Images)
In Paula's words: "Washington is basically a very horny city. For one thing, there are more women here than men. And men can be jerks with women and get away with it, because men are so scarce around here."

Though the JD halted its investigation due to a lack of evidence, Evans' career as a congressman was ended as he lost his fourth-term reelection bid in 1982. Railsback also failed to win election in '82. Only Quayle, who would later become Vice President under George H.W. Bush, would emerge unscathed, due in part to the backhanded support of his wife.

"Anybody who knows Dan Quayle, knows he'd rather play golf than have sex any day," Marilyn said of Parkinson's accusations that Quayle danced with, and propositioned her.

49. "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore." - Yogi Berra

50. "Make money your god and it will plague you like the devil." - Henry Fielding