RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Fortress of Awesome Chat Now this is how to sell an item on ebay!

I wish I could take credit for finding this, but Nowhereman sent this to me, and it is too funny not to pass on...

A guy is selling a golf club and this is his description for the sale:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=120154868323&ru=http%

Im selling this club because I finally left my fatass girlfriend who hated the fact that I loved to play golf. I bought this for her when hybrids first came out which was approximately 5 years ago or when she was 115 pounds lighter. She stopped playing golf soon after I introduced her to the game and decided she would rather eat cookies and tacos as a sport. When she decided to start playing again she realized that her hands were to swollen to grip the club properly from all the meat around her knuckles. In addition, she couldnt figure out why she could not make a shoulder turn anymore. Truth be told, her titts got so big and droopy that she had to use my Sun Mountain push cart to haul them when we played (the cart has since buckled from the overloaded weight capacity). Also, her gut and thighs got so big she could hide 4 full grown Chihuahuas under the fat folds. I put up with her shitt for about 2 years and during this time she got even heavier. Her fatass became so big that when she actually made a correct shoulder turn she farted. I'm not talking about a ladylike fart with a few giggles- were talking fog horn deep and the smell was so bad it would turn all your hair into ash. I think the hippo actually fermented napalm in her colon from all the ice cream, pizza and bad chinese food she inhaled on an hourly basis. Ultimately it got to the point where I just stopped playing with her because I began to feel like I was doing a "Make a Wish" deed for the obese, retarded lady. And every time I went out with my regular group on Sundays, she gave me that look like I was going to be in deep shitt when I got back. So eventually I said f*ck it and I wont play for a while. 2 months ago I was cleaning out the garage and my buddies came over after a round and we were shooting the shitt about the US Open when all of sudden the cyclops comes out from her cave and tells me that I should sell all my clubs since I dont play anymore. My friends all gave me that look (you know what I mean) and just left in complete disgust. I knew those f*ckers were laughing their asses off at me and I felt really bad. Whatever....... I just rolled with it but 3 weeks after that incident she decided she was going to sell some of my shitt at a garage sale with 10 of her fat friends from the neighborhood. You shoulda seen this. It was a spectacle. 10 fat, female pigs all wearing tennis visors and shorts that were straining to stay buttoned around their waists. They had more MM's, Oreos and Grape Soda then garage sale items. I went specifically to see what she took of mine thinking there may have been a few odd things that she grabbed when I suddenly I saw my beloved Mizuno MP33 blades being hauled off by a senior citizen. I stopped the geezer and told him it was a mistake but the f*cker told me to kiss his asss and that he had a receipt. I almost strangled the gimp but I had 5 fat hogs standing in front of me telling that a "sale was sale" and they barricaded me in with their 34 inch necks. Get this: THEY SOLD MY CLUBS FOR $89 AND THEY THOUGHT THEY GOT A GOOD DEAL. That was pretty much the last straw so that evening while the beast was asleep, I grabbed what I could and left her cave. This club was one of the items I snagged along with some of her golf shoes, shirts and her golf bag. If you are a man with size 18 feet and bunions her shoes might fit you. I'll put the rest of her items up for sale in the Deformed Product Section. Please note this club has a small chip in the paint and has some sole wear. The lard asss must have forgotten to put the headcover on during one of her on course gas tantrums. Has a steel shaft in stiff flex with a brand new Golf Pride Tour Velvet grip. Club has 16 degrees of loft. Thanks for looking and if you win this club, keep it as a reminder whenever you decide that you are ready for a serious relationship. Take a good look at this club and remember its history- its priceless and you'll thank me later.

Paypal verified member since 1998. $17.00 Shipping to Lower 48. All proceeds will be donated to the Jenny Craig Obese Fund, C/O of the Cyclops.

I never knew that Nowhereman golfed.

hahahaa...........damn

Where is Nowhereman?

in Venture, CA spending his $14.50!

i dont even play and i would buy it of him...

damn

I played in a tournament last Saturday and used a buddy's 3-Hybrid on one of the shots. It's a sweet little club, one I'm thinking about adding to my own set. Maybe I'll do some business on eBay after all - it IS for a good cause!

Now I know it's Nowhereman. Here's this guy's eBay avatar.

Apparently, there's a little more to this tale another site posted it before ebay had the seller remove/relist his stuff...he may be bitter, but he's funny...

http://209.200.248.130/forum/showthread.php?t=32816

<DIV>Had to re-list the item because of the bad words. The eBay police sirens went off and the pigs "representative" asked for a formal apology so here it is.

I’m sorry I ever met you. You are the biggest CT I have ever met. You and your FNG attorney can kiss my A. Are you now stalking me you crazy B? Everything you listed in the letter is located in the storage facility. The combination is 42, 47, 53 which is exactly what your body measurements are. You can keep all the SH you ever bought me because any reminders that I have of you gives me a case of chronic diarrhea. And here’s a few things you should also know: Lisa came on to me at least a dozen times after you passed out from stuffing your fat face with food. Your Moms breath smells like A- does she spread her bagels with SH every morning? Yes, I always thought your sister was hot and last Christmas, she slipped a little tongue in when we kissed. And all those times you asked me if you could urinate on me as a sxual fantasy? Are you FNG kidding me? I’d rather let a stray Doberman SH in my mouth. The site of you squatting over me would put my DK in a 10 year cocoon. You’re also the only female I know with 6 inch hair follicles around your npples. The only reason why I succked on them was to floss my teeth. Remember all those times when you asked me if you looked fat in that dress? The answer was F yes. Yes your nose is big; you look like toucan sam with a beer belly and saggy T. Do I think your arms are too hairy? Frankly I never really noticed- afterall your family is from
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On Sep-14-07 at 09:39:24 PDT, seller added the following information:

getting a ton of email asking why i stayed with her for so long so here is a quick recap:

she was filthy rich and loved to spread her legs wider then a boeing 747. so when she started getting chubby, I was able to overlook the 2 chins she started to develop since I was getting more beaver then davey crockett and she was cleaning my pipes better then roto rooter. however, when i had to start rolling over twice just to get off her, i realized that could no longer subject myself to this kind of torture any further. add that to fact that she had the disposition of a hyena snacking on a porkchop...well, you can see why im gone. sorry cant send pics but please use your worse imagination and multiply that by infinity

FROM WHERE!?

Damnit ebay!

I love Ebay!

Don't Tase me Bro!

I give this thread 6 stars!

I think I bruised something from laughing...

There was a guy a few years back with a similar shtick, selling his ex's wedding dress -- which he modeled.

I remember that one! Either a friend sent me the auction number, or it was posted here...