RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts Top 100 Fundamental Christian Message Board Quotes

Dunno if these are real, but since when does that matter? Go fuck yourself.

http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx?archive=1









That's crazy!





















There's a submit button, btw.

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"There" actually refers to wheres and not whats.

You mean THAT'S your only complaint with that statement?!

Well, we have to start small. I was still recovering from the comment that the girl with a disability somehow committed a sin in vitro.

She touched herself. And what about the "earth is round" bit?!

I can't decide just which of those quotes pisses me off the most;they're all pretty damn fucked up!

For some reason, I just picture that episode of Family Guy where Mel Gibson walks off of Mt. Rushmore....

Oh, I almost forgot, the last one... about acid? Priceless.

How about the one where Brian sets the tv and other things floating around Peter? heh..

Quark? Feh! It's nonsense to believe in something you can't see and can't accurately prove exists... Hey, wait a sec....

Damn it, Jerry.

Holy crap! That makes sense! Except when you consider carbon is also found in dogs, oak trees, coal, and who knows how many other compounds....

Uhh... I don't know about you, but that actually sounds VERY wrong.

I suppose it'd all depend on how you wanted the puppy. Me, I prefer mine medium-well...

This one is beyond fucked up!

If a woman is raped, she is then married to her rapist?

Well, duh.

Why can't monkeys speak Human?

Stop twisting my words around.

No, it was a serious response to that question. Well, as serious as one can be about that...

Keep your hate-filled spacegoat rhetoric to yourself, please.

And people wonder why I am Pagan...

I... uh... ah...

Yes sir.

because all these quotes are completely and totally representative of Christianity today?

seriously, this is why denominations do make a difference.

As the economy continues to suffer a growing number of people are opting to
publicly pray about their every day tribulations. In Rockville, Md., local resident Rocky Twyman, 59, had heard enough from both fellow peers and the Holy Spirit.After hearing complaints about the rising gas prices from fellow volunteersat a local soup kitchen, Twyman, a long time activist, said he needed to do something.Twyman hit the streets and began campaigning for what now is nationally called the "Pray Down The High Gas Prices Movement." Beginning in the Maryland area, he and local and spiritual supporters went to gas stations with permission from the owners, gathered around the pumps cipher-style, and sang, prayed and also recruited paying customers. Once the media caught wind of Twyman's effort to introduce religion as a solution to the suffering economy versus bureaucratic dialogue, the prayergatherings grew both nationally and internationally.

A mallard duck mounted an epic rescue mission to recover her six chicks when they were washed down a storm drain.The ducklings seemed doomed when they were swept away from their mother down a drain cover in Newcastle, reports the Daily Mail.However, their determined parent refused to accept their loss, and followed their cheeps for over a mile, across roads, roundabouts, rail lines, two school fields and the grounds of a hospital.Eventually they came to a halt, and the unnamed mother duck stood guard by the manhole cover above them - for four hours.Jogger Peter Elliott, 59, had noticed the quacking mother as he set out, but was confused to find her still patrolling the same area upon his return.His two-year-old grandson James heard the stranded ducklings when he came out with his mother Vicki, 30, to investigate.Mr Elliott, his son-in-law Rob Jefferson, 30, and neighbour, Jim Calder, 62, armed themselves with a crowbar and other tools and set about rescuing the ducklings.

"We managed to haul this heavy manhole cover up and saw six little ducklings scrabbling around in the drain," said Mr Elliott. "We got a little fishing net from the house and lifted each duckling out in turn.

Batman: "Better put 5 cents in the meter."
Robin: "No policeman's going to give the Batmobile a ticket."
Batman: "This money goes to building better roads. We all must do our part."

Robin: "Boy! That was our closest call ever! I have to admit that I was pretty scared!"
Batman: "I wasn't scared in the least."
Robin: "Not at all?"
Batman: "Haven't you noticed how we always escape the vicious ensnarements of our enemies?"
Robin: "Yeah, because we're smarter than they are!"
Batman: "I like to think it's because our hearts are pure."

Robin: "Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!"
Batman: "True. You owe your life to dental hygiene."

Bruce: "Yes, Dick, your bird calls are close to perfect. If more people practiced them, someday we might have a chance for real communication with our feathered friends."
Dick: "In that case I think I'll polish up my ruby-crowned kinglet and my rose-breasted yellow-tailed grouse-beak calls."

Dick: "Sorry, I'm not interested in dance lessons."
Bruce: "Wait a minute, Dick. The junior prom's coming up, isn't it?"
Dick: "Yes, but..."
Bruce: "Well, we don't want you to be a wallflower, do we? Dancing is an integral part of every young man's education."
Dick: "Gosh Bruce, you're right."

Batman to Robin: "When you get a little older, you'll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species."

Robin: "I guess you can never trust a woman."
Batman: "You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into."

Robin: "That's an impossible shot, Batman."
Batman: "That's a negative attitude, Robin."

Batman: "The green button will turn the car a la escarda o a la drecia."
Robin: "To the left or right. Threw in a little Spanish on me, huh, Batman?"
Batman: "One should always keep abreast of foreign tongues, Robin."

Dick: "Gosh, Economics is sure a dull subject."
Bruce: "Oh, you must be jesting, Dick. Economics dull? The glamour, the romance of commerce... Hmm. It's the very lifeblood of our country's society."



"Gosh, Batman, you're right!"
Bruce: "Don't dip your oar in this sordid sea, Dick. You might be besmirched."

Batman: "That's one trouble with dual identities, Robin. Dual responsibilities."

Batman: "In fact, Mr. Wayne is taking Mrs. Harriet Cooper, a devotee of Miss Glaze's, backstage before the performance to meet the dazzling star."
Robin: "While Dick Grayson, I suppose, stays home and works on his essay on glaciers?"
Batman: "Right again, Robin."

Robin: "To the batcave?"
Batman: "And up the batpoles."
Robin: "The batpoles?"
Batman: "Even crimefighters need their sleep, Robin."

Robin: "Picked up the seal pulsator yet, Batman?"
Batman: "We're still over land, Robin, and a seal is an aquatic, marine mammal."
Robin: "Gosh, yes, Batman, I forgot."

Robin: "Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?"
Batman: "The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin."

Robin: "Batman, maybe I should stay home tonight. Homework, you know."
Batman: "I think you should acquire a taste for opera, Robin, as one does for poetry and olives."

Robin, to Carpet King: "You must be that gentleman I've read about. Aren't you a king or something?"
Batman: "Robin, England has no king now. England has a queen, and a great lady she is, too."

Robin: "Gosh, Batman, this camel grass juice is great."
Batman: "Beware of strong stimulants, Robin."

Batman: "Robin, the Constitution provides that a man is innocent until proven guilty. And the Constitution is the cornerstone of our great nation. We must abide by it."
Robin: "Gosh, when you put it that way..."

Batman: "Man-eating lilacs have no teeth, Robin. It's a process of ingestion through their tentacles."

Batman (after cracking a safe): "It's not difficult, if you have steady nerves and a good ear. Quality is destroyed by the tenor of criminal life."

Batman: "An older head can't be put on younger shoulders."

Robin: "Venus seemed like a nice girl in that costume."
Batman: "I suspect she is a nice girl down deep, but she's fallen in with bad companions. And who knows what her home life was like."

Batman: "Go back outside and calm the flower children."
Robin: "They'll mob me!"
Batman: "Groovy."

Batman: "You know your neosauruses well, Robin. Peanut butter sandwiches it is."

Batman: "Too many Bessarovian Cossacks around here, Robin. If I'd joined you in the fight, some of them may have been injured."

Robin, about Batgirl: "She's gone again! For once, Batman, let's follow her."
Batman: "No, Robin. With my head sticking out of this neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary, run of the mill crimefighter."

Bruce: "Just because we're traveling, I don't think that Dick should neglect his studies, so we brought along one thousand key works of literature, his biological specimens, and also his own desk."
Dick: "Yes, I expect to study hard."

Batman: "You're far from mod, Robin. And many hippies are older than you are."

Superintendent Watson: "Well, I think this calls for a cup of char at venerable Ireland Yard."
Robin: "Char?"
Batman: "Yes, Robin, a colloquialism for tea."

Catwoman: "Let noone say that Catwoman is not the best-dressed woman in the world."
Batman: "There are no fashion shows where you're going, Catwoman."
Robin: "And how could a feline feloness like you also be a fashion model?"
Batman: "Ah-ah. Give credit where credit is due, Robin. She may be evil, but she is attractive. You'll know more about that in a couple of years."

Robin: "If we close our eyes, we can't see anything."
Batman: "A sound observation, Robin."

Robin, about Catwoman: "Do you think she'll kill Batgirl?"
Batman: "Or worse, Robin. Or worse."

Batman: "Nobody wants war."
Robin: "Gee, Batman. Belgravia's such a small country. We'd beat them in a few hours."
Batman: "Yes, and then we'd have to support them for years."

Joker: "Let bygones be bygones. I'd like to shake hands with both of you. Can't we be friends?"
Robin: "I'd rather shake hands with a spitting cobra!"
Batman: "You're being cynical, Robin. To err is human, to forgive...divine."

Batman: "What took you so long, Batgirl?"
Batgirl: "Rush hour traffic, plus all the lights were against me. And you wouldn't want me to speed, would you?"
Robin: "Your good driving habits almost cost us our lives!"
Batman: "Rules are rules, Robin. But you do have a point."

Batman: "Cattail Lane and Nine Lives Alley. The Grimalkin Novelty Company is on that corner."
Robin: "Grimalkin? What kind of a name is that?"
Batman: "An obscure but nevertheless acceptable synonym for cat, Robin."

Robin, looking at Batgirl: "You know something, Batman?"
Batman: "What's that, Robin?"
Robin: "She looks very pretty when she's asleep."
Batman: "I thought you might eventually notice that. That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum."

Robin: "Gosh, if I could just figure out that riddle. Why can't I get it?"
Batman: "Maybe your mind's on that cute little teenager who waved to you on the way across town, eh?"
Robin: "Awww, come on, Batman."

Dick: "Awww, heck! What's the use of learning French anyway?"
Bruce: "Dick, I'm surprised at you! Language is the key to world peace. If we all spoke each other's tongues, perhaps the scourge of war would be ended forever."
Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, yes. I'll get these darn verbs if they kill me!"

Robin: "What do we do, tip off Commissioner Gordon?"
Batman: "No, not on your life, old man. The Penguin and I have a score to settle."

Dick: "Wow! The rings of Saturn! This is sure some fun, Bruce."
Bruce: "Astronomy is more than mere fun, Dick."
Dick: "It is?"
Bruce: "Yes, it helps give us a sense of proportion. Reminds us how little we are, really. People tend to forget that sometimes."
Dick: "Gosh yes, that's right. I'll bet I see those rings a little differently this time!"

Robin: "Gosh, there could be diplomatic repercussions if we fail this time, Batman."
Batman: "That's not the point, Robin. What's important is that the world know that all visitors to these teeming shores are safe, be they peasant or king."
Robin: "Gee, Batman, I never thought of that. You're right."
Batman: "It's the very essence of our democracy."

Batman to Robin: "Stop fiddling with that atomic pile and come down here!"

Dick: "Gosh, botany is tough. I'll never learn to recognize all these trees!"
Bruce: "Come come, Dick. Pine. Elm. Hickory, chestnut, maple. Part of our heritage is the lure of living things, the storybook of nature."
Dick: "That's true, Bruce. I'll learn to read that book of nature yet!"

Batman: "Robin, you haven't fastened your safety bat-belt."
Robin: "We're only going a couple of blocks."
Batman: "It won't be long until you are old enough to get a driver's license, Robin, and you'll be able to drive the Batmobile and other vehicles. Remember, motorist safety."
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, when you put it that way.."

Bruce: "When we have more time, I'll acquaint you with the various processes of sculptoring. It's a fascinating art to which I devoted many hours of study."
Dick: "I sure would like to hear about it, Bruce."

Batman (during a bat-climb): "Careful, Robin. Both hands on the Bat-rope."
Robin: "Sorry, Batman."

Robin (about Lydia Limpet): "Gosh, Batman, those look like honest eyes."
Batman: "Never trust the old chestnut, 'Crooks have beady little eyes'. It's false."

Robin: "When we put the fake jewels in Miss Starr's safe and take the real ones out, we could be nailed as crooks."
Batman: "That's a chance we have to take, Robin. In our well ordered society, protection of private property is essential."
Robin: "Yes, you're right, Batman. That's the keystone to all law and order."

Dick Grayson: "I thought Lima was the capital of Equador."
Bruce Wayne: "As you can see, I was right. It's the capital of Peru."
Aunt Harriet: "Oh, I just love this game of capitals. It's just so educational!"
Bruce: "Not only that, if we don't know all about our friends to the south, how can we can carry out our good neighbor policy?"

Bruce: "Most Americans don't realize what we owe to the ancient Incas. Very few appreciate they gave us the white potato and many varieties of Indian corn."
Dick: "Now whenever I eat mashed potatos, I for one will think of the Incas."

Dick (working on a jigsaw puzzle): "It's so much harder with the pieces upside down."
Bruce: "Of course. Think of what excellent training it is for your visual memory."
Dick: "Gosh yes, I guess that's true."

(in Batmobile, on golf course)
Robin: "Let's get going and make an emergency bat-turn!"
Batman: "Not this time, old chum. Have to think of the golfers. The retro-rockets would burn up the course for a hundred yards."

Batman: "Human mechanisms are made by human hands, Robin. None of them is infallible. It is a lesson that must be faced."

Batman: "That's life, Robin, full of ups and downs. It ill befits any of us to become to confident."

Batman (about to cross the street): "Remember Robin, always look both ways."

Robin: "It sure is a shame, Batman. A restaurant with such terrific chow turning out to be a mere front for some criminal scheme."
Batman: "Look at it this way, Robin. That $100 cover charge is pretty stiff. Penguin's 'terrific chow' is hardly within the budget of the average worker."
Robin: "Gosh yes, you're right, Batman. All the needy people in the world, all the hungry children."
Batman: "Good thinking, Robin."

Dick: "Gosh Bruce, Greek is still Greek to me."
Aunt Harriet: "It's Greek to a lot of Greeks too. It's one of the world's oldest, most important, most beautiful languages."
Dick: "It may be, Aunt Harriet, but can't we take a breather and work out in the gym for a while?"
Aunt Harriet: "But the mind needs excercise too, Dick."
Dick: "Well, my mind is getting muscle-bound."
Bruce: "Ahhh, there is an old saying, Dick. A sound mind and a sound body. A worthy goal."

Batman: "Ma Parker's girl is more dangerous than her three boys."
Robin: "Her legs sort of reminded me of Catwoman's."
Batman: "You're growing up, Robin. Remember, in crime-fighting always keep your sights raised."

Robin: "But what is it?"
Batman: "Saribus Sacer. A species of ancient Egyptian beetle, sacred to the Sun God, Hymeopolos. And from which the term scarab is derived. But, you should know that, Robin, if you are up on your studies of Egyptology."
Robin: "You're right."

Batman: "I know. Hieroglyphics self-taught are a chore, Robin; but, it is a surefire way to unravel the secrets of the ancient mystics."

Batman: "Experience teaches slowly, Robin. And at a cost of many mistakes."

Robin: "I am a little hungry."
Batman: "Of course, Robin. Even crime-fighters must eat. And especially you. You're a growing boy and you need your nutrition."

Batman: "Remember the Boy Scouts' motto."
Robin: "'Be prepared'."
Batman: "It would do well to keep that in mind at all times."

Robin: "We better hurry, Batman."
Batman: "Not too fast, Robin. In good bat-climbing as in good driving one must never sacrifice safety for speed."
Robin: "Right again, Batman."

Batman: "Tarnished reputations are unfortunate, Robin. We can live with those. However, a threat to all of Gotham City is something else."

Robin: "Self-control is sure tough sometimes, Batman!"
Batman: "All virtues are, old chum. Indeed, that's why they're virtues."

Robin: "How about rushing the place, Batman?"
Batman: "Shh. I think not, Robin. All they've done so far is stolen a few items, attempted to kill you, me, and Batgirl. No, I think they plan something really big."

Dick: "Bruce, let me ride Waynebow. I'm light enough."
Bruce: "No, Dick, I couldn't allow my own ward to ride my own thoroughbred. People might think it was funny."

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Frank Burns talkative User 7500+ posts Sat Jul 19 2008 12:04 AM Reading a post
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Thread: Top 100 Fundamental Christian Message Board Quotes

253

Wank
Wank, Bavaria Location Bavaria, Germany is a German mountain close to the Austrian border in the southwestern Estergebirge range near Garmisch-Partenkirchen. The peak is 1780 metres above mean sea level.Mount Wank has been linked to Garmisch-Partenkirchen by cable car since 1928.In 1982 the lift was upgraded into a modern rotary cable car system. The ride takes 20 minutes from the valley to a mountain station close to the peak (valley station 728m, mountain station 1742m). The mountain hut Alois Huber House) was built by the local branch of the German Alpine Association (DAV) in 1911.


Cry
Cry is a litlle town and commune of France, in Burgundy Bourgogne région, in
the Yonne département in the arrondissement of Avallon with renting canoes
on an adventure park on a river Armançon. The beautiful old stone bridge is
build from five century.

A blind 96-year-old great grandmother is taking an Open University degree in social sciences.Grace Ledger, of Selsey, West Sussex, passed the first year with top marks of 80% and is set to receive a certificate of merit.Mrs Ledger, who has two sons, three grandchildren and six great- grandchildren, hopes to cram the four-year course into three years.Despite being able to use a computer, she prefers to write her essays in longhand with the help of a special high-intensity light and magnifying glasses.

"It's well worthwhile," Mrs Ledger, who also suffers from arthritis, told the Chichester Observer.

"I go to bed at 9pm and listen to my cassettes. It's very good to have something to do and for anybody who has a lot of pain it helps."

"You mustn't be daunted. Try something that takes your mind off your aches and pains. There is so much kindness and you meet all sorts of people."

As a Christian, none of these resemble anything I believe, and I don't believe that any of these are quotes from real Christians.

They are likely quotes Mxy (who routinely parodies people he doesn't like) or someone like-minded with Mxy made them all up. If they piss people off, it's because they were made up with the intent to piss people off, to direct hatred at Christians, not because any Christian actually said them.

The only one that somewhat resembles an Old Testament Bible verse is the one about if a man rapes a woman he has to marry her. That resembles a verse somewhere in Leviticus or Deuteronomy. And keep in mind it was written around 1,400 B C. Written around the time Moses and the Israelites fled Egypt, and were in the Sinai desert or beginning to conquer Canaan.
I took a course in college in 1985 titled "The Bible As Literature", taught by a secularist Jewish professor in his 80's, discussing the literary structure and context of the times of the Bible. He explained that relative to the outside world, the language of the Bible was relatively more appreciative and respectful of women. It was a time of slavery, and women were basically regarded as property. So in the Bible (again: 3,400 years ago) that would have been regarded as providing some level of rights and protections and compensation for women that didn't exist in the outside world. Needless to say, Christians today would not not expect a man to marry the girl he rapes, or find that a reasonable compensation.

My college professor teaching the Bible course had a great sense of humor, and some interesting views. In one example, he regarded slavery as basically a necessity in the pre-industrial ancient world, to build things like cities or pyramids or colliseums or other great works of architecture. Other things like the numbers 40 or 7 also have recurring symbolic meaning in the Bible. 40 indicates a long or ideal time. Noah's ark was at sea for 40 days and 40 nights. King David and King Solomon each reigned for 40 years, symbolic of a long period, and of divine blessing. 7 again represents perfection, and God's blessing. The number 6 represents imperfection, and 666 (the number of the Beat or Antichrist of end-time prophecy represents imperfection empasized 3 times. Red robes or clothing represents wealth, and purple robes represent the highest wealth and position in ancient times. In some churches, the clergy still wear symbolic red or purple robes. Blood is a recurring symbol of animal sacrifices, and of redemption and salvation, and finally the Messiah. Just a few representative biblical symbols.

If these opening quotes are just for laughs, great, have at it. But if anyone wants to get angry at Christians for what they actually said, I recommend reading the Bible itself. Most Christians I know read the New International Version (NIV) or New American Standard Bible (NASB), and I recommend what's called a "study bible" that has an introduction for each book of the Bible, explaining literary, symbolic and historic context, and footnotes throughout for most verses, and explanation for words that often had a far different meaning in ancient times.

And keep in mind also how in 50 or 100 years (if there is still a human race and we haven't killed ourselves off) that future culture will look back at 2020 with scorn and astonishment at how barbaric and unenlightened we were.