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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 33,385 Likes: 1
Regenerated 15000+ posts
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OP
Regenerated 15000+ posts
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 33,385 Likes: 1 |
Joe Mama1) What's your name?- Joseph T. Mother. AKA "Martin Scheckland."
2) What's your title?- Inglorious Bastard. It's a reference to the brilliant Italian flick that is in the process of being reimagined by Tarantino. I can't wait to see it.
3) I'm with you. Looks great. Brad Pitt's was awesome in Snatch and Fight Club. Anyway....I find a wallet on the sidewalk with a $1000 cash in it. However, it also has an ID in there clearly marking who it belongs to. Do I contact them and give them their money? Or do I keep it, finders-keepers?- If YOU found it, I'd hope that you would contact the person who lost it and get it back to them. That would be the honest thing to do and karma would, in many small ways, reward you for the act. If it's me, the wallet gets mailed back wiped clean of fingerprints and $1000 lighter. But I've got enough karma stored up for that sort of thing. It's important to bank karma when you can...
4) What's the last three meals you have eaten, and why?- I just had a broiled seafood dinner with french fries. For lunch, I had a turkey sandwich. And last night, for dinner, I had a salad.
5) Yeah, Maine just called. They need you to pay your tab.
Oh. A fat joke. Who knew I had it in me?
What is your single favorite smell?- There are a few. The smell of wet asphalt after a summer rain reminds me of when I was young and we'd go to the local ballpark to play pick-up games of baseball. Good times. I love the smell of cinnamon, doesn't matter where. And I like the way my gal smells, whether it's her perfume, her soap and water scent, or the sleep smell that women get in the morning. You know what I'm talking about!
6) Yeah, it's called morning-breath and farting under the sheets all night. 
Name one item that is always in your fridge.- Some form of juice. I prefer orange or the cranberry mixes of juice. But I gotta have juice in my fridge, especially since I've given up soda.
7) You have been given Superman's package of abilities. You know, the basics: flight, strength, invulnerability, speed. There is realistically no force on the planet that can stand against you. What do you do with your life?- Oh, hell. With today's trend towards tearing down our heroes once we've built them up, the last thing I'd do is become Superman. Fuck that. No, if I used my powers at all, it'd strictly be to help people in secret. No one would know I'd done anything or that I could do anything. Making the world a better place anonymously would be my gig. That, and getting old people and Asians off the roads to improve traffic.
8) I don't know about the Asian community, but I live in a retirement city. For FUCKSAKE: LEFT LANE FAST!!!! RIGHT LANE SLOW!!!!!!
Sorry. You know. What is your favorite time of day/night?- I'm a night owl. I love the night time. That's when the best TV is on. That's when the best movies are on or playing in theaters. It's when I'm at my most awake and creative. I have a rule, that my gal has now adopted: No calls before 10am and, if you can wait until 10am, you can damn well wait until noon. There's nothing going on in the morning that I need to be part of. Fuck sunrises.
9) Yeah, my best creative peaks come after 10pm. That little lull between 11pm and 3am is awesome!
Pick one or lick Rex's hairy man-nipples: An uber-sexy, mega-hot, gorgeous queen of a woman who is absolutely clueless about sex...or...an average, decent-looking WASP-y chick who can just fucking rock-your-world in bed.DECIDE!- I'll take the average chick with the ability to fuck. I've dated the sexually clueless hot chicks and know that I don't have the patience to try and explain how to get me off to some lost cause bimbo. There's nothing worse than having some chick ask for twenty minutes, "Is this the right way?" I want to say, "How should I know? YOU'RE the cock sucker!!!"
LMFAO!!!  I see we dated some of the same women...- Also, if you're with your friends, and they meet your gal, doesn't she become MORE beautiful and smarter and cooler and all-around better when you tell them how good she is in the sack? It's like you get proud of your chick when you see the jealousy in their eyes.
10) I just point to my wife's rack. That usually does Cross in. Grimm and Doc too, let's be honest.
 asks: Reality or Fantasy?- In relation to what? Sex? Life? Cars? I enjoy my fantasy because it adds a bit of flavor to my reality. Elaborate, and I'll give you a better answer than that.
In general. Shows. Movies. Thoughts. Dreams. Women. Sex. Cars. Your fucking cellphone. Doesn't matter. The question is more to just churn your mental juices.- I like reality better in general. Fantasy is good to spice things up, but I don't think anyone, including myself, is ready for my fantasies to be made reality...
11) Ever tried marijuana?- I've never done marijuana, or any illegal drug (expect for underaged drinking), for that matter. I know, hard to believe, if you know me. But it's true. Never had the opportunity when I was younger, and can't be bothered to seek it out now that I'm older.
12) Spend a weekend with me. You'll have the opportunity. What is the one dream you realize you will probably never fulfill? - Two weeks ago, I'd have told you, "Sex with a black chick, an Asian chick, or a Latina." I've never fucked a minority gal before. But I told my gal that, as part of a long conversation we were having about fantasies and whatnot, and her reaction to the revelation (and the rest of the conversation) suggests that I might be able to make it happen, even after we're married. Go figure. My gal RAWKS!
So let me just say, to answer your question, that I will probably never star in a Hollywood movie.
13) Wow, I got kind of an erection off that. Don't know why. Good stuff! 
Hypothetical Horror: If a low-level nuclear exchange occurred between two foreign powers, just enough to wipe out the big commercial cities and capitals, but not enough to do any damage or radiation poisoning to rural territory.....and you survived...where would you go? Would you stay where you are and continue to live in whatever life becomes around you? Or would you set off for a different part of the world?- Assuming the US was involved, I'd travel. I'd go to see the places that'd been destroyed and the places that were still around. I'd visit friends in other states. I'd do odd jobs to keep myself funded for my travel. I'd kill zombies and mutants (X-men and radioactive horrors alike). I'd try to lead as normal a life as possible under the circumstances.
But if the US wasn't involved, I wouldn't do anything different. I'd just laugh at the hippies trying to collect money to help the idiots who had the exchange. I mean, seriously, the US and Russia had nukes pointed at each other for 30 years and knew enough what the consequences would be if either opened up on the other to NOT start a nuclear holocaust. What's up with these third world countries getting boners for nukes to shoot at each other or at us when they can't even take care of their own people? That's just stupid!
14) I think you need to take over the UN. That pretty much sums it up. So, what are you doing with yourself these days? What's work like or not like? Anything interesting I would care about?- I'm unemployed, looking for a job. I'm watching movies, playing Civ 4, being an arse online, and lamenting my fantasy baseball keeper league (6 guys on the DL as of this writing!!!). I'm picking up my marriage license on Monday, and will be wed by the end of the summer.
Congrats again, brother. - I'm following baseball. I'm wondering if your wife is available yet - is she?
 - I'm dreaming of Toronto, and assuming that trip won't be this year. I'm simultaneously happy with and annoyed at my almost-year-old Basset Hound puppy (her name is Lulu, after the chick from FFX).
Props for the FFX reference. Lulu was hot.- I'm working at losing weight, watching my diet and exercise. I am alternately flattered and horrified at the obsession both Wonder Boy and Sikkbones have for me. I'm working out some problems with a script/novel idea that I've had for a while. I'm listening to Creature Feature, Ben Harper, Stars (and Amy Millan), Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Great Big Sea, Rilo Kiley (and Jenny Lewis), a shit-ton of classic rock, Johnny Cash's American Recordings (all five volumes), the Judgement Night soundtrack, Sir Mix-A-Lot's discography, and Atmosphere. I'm on a boat, muthafucka, don't you ever forget! I pay for Natalie Portman's dry cleaning when my shit gets in her shoes. Basically, I'm Joe Mama, RKMBer, boy genius, and all-around Renaissance Man.
(I feel bad. By this point, I feel like I should've made a crack about the Iconolasts, but I haven't seen the opportunity. Hrm...)
15) It's not that kind of party, Dave. Save it for my comeback in 2015 "Random Interview 2015: This is All I've Got"! Showbiz!
Indulging in any new media? Movies? Books? Shows? Music? Art? Novellas? Video Game Inventories? Speak up, bitch!- Okay, here goes:
DVD: Mostly horror. Session 9 (directed by Brad Anderson, who also directed The Machinist and some episodes of Fringe, and the flick takes place at Danvers State Hospital in Massachusetts); Flesh For Frankenstein and Blood For Dracula (two brilliantly awful flicks best enjoyed while drinking or smokin'); My Bloody Valentine (the original and the 3D remake); Pontypool (available On Demand); Bad Biology; Life On Mars (the original British series); plus a ton of other movies and series too obscure to mention here...
Movies: Up (Pixar does it again!!!); Drag Me To Hell (Sam Raimi does it again!); The Hangover (as soon as I have the time); Dead Snow (Nazi zombies!!!); Zombieland (when it comes out...); I'm sure there are others...
Books: Shatter, by Michael Robotham; Water For Elephants, by Sara Gruen; Was Superman A Spy?, by Brian Cronin; The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova; the Hard Case line of crime novels (still); and, at some point, I'll pick up Hit & Run by Lawrence Block and catch up on the Parker series by Richard Stark (Donald Westlake)...
Comics: Downloading Deadpool, Batman & Robin, Madame Xanadu, and any random title that gets mentioned here or in a good review at CBR. I'm having my friend pick up House Of Mystery, The Unwritten, Vincent Price Presents, and The Veil for me so I stay away from comics and untempted.
Shows: None recently, though I'm seeing Great Big Sea in August.
16) Fuck. It's like Rain Man-meets-Good Will Hunting with severe ADHD. I fear and pity your wife in equal measures.
You can own any professional baseball team/franchise in existence.....except for the Boston Red Sox. Which team do you settle for?Naturally.- Okay, I CAN'T own the Red Sox, but any other major league team is fair game. Okay, rule out any AL East team, as I can't be rooting against my home team's rivals. In fact, I think I need to eliminate any American League team, by that logic. So it's a National League team. Forget about the Nationals or Marlins - I'm not into lost causes or teams that don't have a passionate fan base. Cut the Dodgers and Giants and Padres, as I'm not about to move to California. The Rockies need to go, as being that close to Uschi makes me uncomfortable...I don' wanna be raped again! Y'know what? It really comes down to three NL teams for me: The Cubs, Cardinals, and Braves. Three great cities, three great fan bases whose teams could be improved. Out of those teams, I think I'll take the Cubs. Atlanta isn't as cool a city as St. Louis and Chicago, and the Cards have already won a title. I'd like the challenge of bringing a title to the Cubs and their fans. Plus, aren't the Cubs really the pre-2004 Red Sox of the NL? Great park, great fans, great history of almosts...
Yeah, man, I'll take the Cubs!
17) Have you ever intentionally and maliciously tripped someone?- Yes. But I also willed someone to trip with my mind.
I was working at a bookstore years ago, and at lunch with my co-worker/friend. She and I were at a bench near the store, watching this eight-year-old kid run screaming back and forth in front of the store like the Ritalin case he was. His mom wasn't doing anything about it, as wrapped up in the latest Oprah-recommended tripe as she was. So I started going, "Triptriptriptriptriptriptriptrip....TRIP!!!" And - wouldn't you know it? - the little bastard dropped! He starte dbawling, his mom had to deal with him, and my friend and I stifled out laughter long enough for both to get out of earshot before we busted out laughing. I liked working at that store. I even enjoyed doing the inventories.
18) Soul-Calibur! (?)
Spit or Swallow?- Back when the best I could hope for from a date was a blow job, I'd say, "swallow." I didn't need to see her spit my seed like the whole process was distasteful to her. But now that a blowjob mostly leads to better things, I don't care. Suck me off until I'm hard and then let's fuck. Or, if it's just a blow job, whatever she prefers.
(You know that...certain posters...read this answer with GREAT interest!)
19) Thanks, I feel nauseous. Who is your all-time favorite poster here?- I can't pick one. So many of you either make me laugh or astound me with your brilliance. I talk to Nowhereman, you, and Bunny the most these days. But people like BSAMS and Mxy (whose brilliance I only understood in the last couple of years), Uschi, Knurkel, Doc, and even ol' sockfucker Rex make me happy I post here. There are posters, like PJP and Grimm, who have mostly disappeared and are missed. In general, I get along with everyone. Even Wonder Boy, who gets so easily riled over a gay joke, is okay in my book. Basically, if you laughed as you trashed the Insurgents and got called a "whore" or a "hive mind" by one of those weak-minded twats, you're a good egg.
20) What are you getting Rob for his Wedding Gift?- My gift is for Lex. I'll be parked in front of the church, idling and waiting to be her getaway driver. Unless the price of that china set drops to something more reasonable...
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Joined: Aug 2004
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The alt 15000+ posts
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The alt 15000+ posts
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Zzzzandman 500+ posts
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Zzzzandman 500+ posts
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faggot 15000+ posts
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faggot 15000+ posts
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Woo! Name dropped twice!
I have a stuffed-animal orangutan toy I got from "santa" when I was in 2nd grade. I named her Lulu. She is the last toy I have that I cherish from my childhood. I got in trouble once for bringing her with me to the zoo. The apes got pissed off.
Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!
Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0
"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921
"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
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Schlub 15000+ posts
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Schlub 15000+ posts
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And, to be fair, one of my favorite friends there is blind and I take every opportunity available to make fun of that and we're still friends. That guy never fit there. He never got the spirit of the RKMBs. We're gonna keep an eye on the obits, see if he finally left or if he really did have a heart attack.
2,506,410.81 CAD Rack points
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Joined: Dec 2000
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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whens the next one dammit
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Joined: Jun 2005
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I've got more guns than you. 6000+ posts
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I've got more guns than you. 6000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2005
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Based on the title, I'm guessing sometime in 2010.
But seriously. Nice to see your triumphant return, Pro. And good interview, both of ya.
"Ah good. Now I'm on the internet clearly saying I like tranny cleavage. This shouldn't get me harassed at all." -- Lothar of the Hill People
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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cobra kai 15000+ posts
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cobra kai 15000+ posts
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giant picture
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old one eye 2500+ posts
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old one eye 2500+ posts
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whens the next one dammit Yeah. It's been a couple of days,why isn't there another interview up by now? And don't do any girl interviews. Bleh.
How you doin'?
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Shannon messer-upper 25+ posts
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Shannon messer-upper 25+ posts
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nog irlsp osth erea nymorea nyways incem osto ft het akeng uysh ereh avec hasedt hema lla waya nds aidw ew inl onelyshipa gain
"and maybe you should pay more attention to your typeing and tags so your posts dont look so retarded than trying to win a loosing battle."
kiss my
B
U
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Kneel! 10000+ posts
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Kneel! 10000+ posts
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big_pimp_tim-made it cool to roll in the first damn place! Mon Jun 11 2007 09:27 PM- harley finally rolled with me "I'm working with him...he's young but, there is much potential. He can apprentice with me and then he's yours for final training. He will remember the face of his father... Some day, Knutreturns just may be the greatest of us all...."-THE bastard
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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with a little work there could be another random interview one of these days. who knows? it might even become a regular feature here...
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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He will get one done by Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest.
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 33,385 Likes: 1
Regenerated 15000+ posts
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OP
Regenerated 15000+ posts
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 33,385 Likes: 1 |
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Joined: May 2003
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Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
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Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
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Uschi said:I won't rape you, I'll just fuck you 'till it hurts and then not stop and you'll cry. MisterJLA: RACKS so hard, he called Jim Rome "Chris Everett." In Him, all porn is possible. He is far above mentions in so-called "blogs." RACK him, lest ye be lost! "I can't even brush my teeth without gagging!" - Tommy Tantillo: Wank & Cry, heckpuppy, and general laughingstock ![[Linked Image from i6.photobucket.com]](http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y203/JoeMama13/RedSoxBanner05.png)
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Joined: May 2005
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Kneel! 10000+ posts
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Kneel! 10000+ posts
Joined: May 2005
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*chairshot* sorry
big_pimp_tim-made it cool to roll in the first damn place! Mon Jun 11 2007 09:27 PM- harley finally rolled with me "I'm working with him...he's young but, there is much potential. He can apprentice with me and then he's yours for final training. He will remember the face of his father... Some day, Knutreturns just may be the greatest of us all...."-THE bastard
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 47,810 Likes: 2
Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2001
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Joined: Sep 2002
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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tell me about it. not even 3/4 of a sell!
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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Selling requires an inventory, and.... well we all know how that's gonna turn out.
whomod said: I generally don't like it when people decide to play by the rules against people who don't play by the rules. It tends to put you immediately at a disadvantage and IMO is a sign of true weakness. This is true both in politics and on the internet." Our Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man said: "no, the doctor's right. besides, he has seniority."
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Joined: May 2005
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Kneel! 10000+ posts
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Kneel! 10000+ posts
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 12,912 |
so...no chairshots? 
big_pimp_tim-made it cool to roll in the first damn place! Mon Jun 11 2007 09:27 PM- harley finally rolled with me "I'm working with him...he's young but, there is much potential. He can apprentice with me and then he's yours for final training. He will remember the face of his father... Some day, Knutreturns just may be the greatest of us all...."-THE bastard
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2003
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Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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