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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158
The alt 15000+ posts
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OP
The alt 15000+ posts
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158 |
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?v Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158
The alt 15000+ posts
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OP
The alt 15000+ posts
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158 |
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why
did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn
so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
"My wife's first husband."
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158
The alt 15000+ posts
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OP
The alt 15000+ posts
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158 |
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new
business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158
The alt 15000+ posts
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OP
The alt 15000+ posts
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158 |
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
"My wife's."
"What happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line."
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 2,089 Likes: 2
希望の戦士 2000+ posts
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希望の戦士 2000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 2,089 Likes: 2 |
There is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes, and maybe it’s too much for us, but it’s all on you. Because if we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damn well sure we’ll avenge it.
Hello?
Put Natasha on the phone.
Who is this?
This is her fucking son's father. Who is this?
This is her fucking son.
..........oh.......
Call back in 20 minutes. *click*
Boy, you could get lost in a sky like that. I wish I had those balloons again.
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