RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts See ya again after the new year

I'll be gone until after new years, hitting up women at a convention, so I will likely be off the 'net until then. I'll be back in full force on the second of january or so. Until then, I will no longer be able to make sure I maintain "last post by" on every inspirations board thread, so have fun.

Bibbo can't make anything.

Fess, Bibbo.

ewwwwwwwwww

gah?

So did he ever come back?

Who?

Bibbo, you crazy foo'!

In 1856 Franklin Pierce, the 14th President of the United States, was the
first President to place a Christmas tree in the White House.

President Coolidge started the National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony on
the White House lawn in 1923.

More than 1,000,000 acres of land have been planted to Christmas trees.

The most snow produced in a single snowstorm is 4.8 meters (15.75ft) at Mt Shasta Ski Bowl, California (USA) between 13 and 19 February 1959.

Boogie Woogie Santa Christmas
Brian Setzer


Well look here Jack
There's something down the track
He's got rhythm in his feet
But nothing in the sack
The boogie woogie Santa Claus
Boogie woogie Santa Claus
Boogie woogie Santa
Comes to town every Christmas day

Well he lives up in a mountain
Like a hermit in the cave
He never had a haircut
He never took a shave
The boogie woogie Santa Claus
Boogie woogie Santa Claus
Boogie woogie Santa
Comes this time every Christmas day

Well it's rock rock rock Mr. Santa
Jump jump jump Mr. Santa

instrumental

Got no presents for your tree
No candy for your socks
When he starts to boogie
The whole town rocks

Ins Mama get your hat
Put your best dress on
We're gonna jump for joy
On the Christmas morn
The boogie woogie Santa Claus
Boogie woogie Santa Claus
Boogie woogie Santa
Boogie all your blues away

Well it's rock rock rock Mr. Santa
Jump jump jump Mr. Santa Claus

Well the boogie woogie Santa
Will boogie all your blues away

O Holy Night - South Park
Eric Cartman


Mr. Garrison: Eric Cartman can't seem to remember the words to O Holy Night.
We're gonna use a little shock therapy.
I'm gonna give one of you children this cattle prod and if Eric forgets any words, just shock him a little. Okay?

Mr. Garrison: Here you go Kyle why don't you take it

(music starts)
Kyle: SWEET!

Mr. Garrison: Okay Eric whenever you're ready

Cartman: And, Oh holy ni- (Shock) Ow!
Hey what was that for, I didn't Screw up!

Kyle: Ha Ha

Mr Garrison: No Kyle you can't shock him unless he forgets the words.

Kyle: Sorry Mr. Garrison

Cartman: And, O holy night the stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear saviour's birth.
O holy night....(mumbles) (Shock)

Children: HAHAHA

Cartman: It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie (Shock)

Mr. Garrison: THOSE AREN'T THE WORDS ERIC

Cartman: Cause Jesus was born and--so we give him presents (Shock) OW
Uum (Shock)(OW) decorations.. (Shock) OK on the tree
Fall on your knees and hear the angels .... voices (Shock) OW!
O night divine

Mr. Garrison: Very nice Eric.

Cartman: O night, o night divine ----
There see I remembered that whole chorus didn't even have to...

Mr. Garrison: MISSED IT!

Cartman: Oh night (Shock) DEEEVIIINE

Kyle: Dang Cartman

Mr. Garrison: WOW.....

Cartman: O night, O night...divine
(Shock) (Shock)

Children: Ha, Ha (Shock) (Shock)

Mr. Garrison: Ok Eric, now we're gonna do the French words

Cartman: WHAT?!

Jacob Marley: In life, my spirit never rose beyond the limits of our money-changing holes! Now I am doomed to wander without rest or peace, incessant torture and remorse!

Ebenezer: But it was only that you were a good man of business, Jacob!

Jacob Marley: BUSINESS? Mankind was my business! Their common welfare was my business! And it is at this time of the rolling year that I suffer most!

A truck driver starts truck driving school. The instructor asks him this question "Your driving down a steep mountain and your brakes fail do you A) Start blowing your horn and hope everyone gets out your way till you can get to the emergency truck ramp. B) Cram your transmission into a lower gear and hope the engine slows you down. or C) Try to jackknife your semi hoping that going sideways will slow you down.
The Trainee thinks for a moment and shouts out D!
The instructor says "D? I didn't give you the option of D! What is D?"
And the trainee reply's wake up my co-driver cuz he has never seen a wreck like this!

top entertainment stories of 2010

40. David Arquette Tells Howard Stern About the Other Woman. David Arquette decided to explain his separation from Courteney Cox on-air, giving the radio host one of his most revealing interviews of the year. Arquette revealed bedroom details, including that he had gone months during his marriage without sleeping with his wife and had also had a brief fling with a waitress after he and Cox had decided to take a break.

39. Kathy Griffin's Bristol Palin Teasing Earns Boos. The troops at the Marine Corps Air Station in California jeered Kathy Griffin at 'VH1 Divas: Salute the Troops' for a lame joke taunting Bristol Palin for seemingly being the "only contestant in the history of ['Dancing With the Stars'] to actually gain weight" during the show.

UNCLE KRACKER
Thunderhead Hawkins


I know a cabin down there in Tennessee
Where you can't find the forest on account of the trees
And Old Perry Foster he got something to say
And you can smell the pigs cuz' they been cookin' all day

[CHORUS]

I don't need no critics
I don't need no suits
I just need somebody who can tell me the truth
You can keep your opinions
You can keep on walkin'
I'm gonna raise my glass yeah to Thunderhead Hawkins

[REPEAT TWICE]

Miss Mary Jane she always looks like a star
But the rock n roll banker likes to sleep in his car
You won't hear no opry you'll hear six strings
And you won't know what to do when you hear Thunderhead sing

[REPEAT CHORUS]

Now Mr. Hawkins got a family tree
He got that their legendary cabin down in Tennessee
You know he'll hook up that guitar everybody gather round
You stay close to the fire when the sun goes down
Old Brother Merle he's always waiting in the wings
Only man up in them woods wearin' all them gold rings
Old Mr. Hawkins he won't do nobody wrong
But he'll he'll tear your heart out with one sad song

[REPEAT CHORUS]

Uncle Remus: It happum on one ah dem Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Days. Now dat's the kinda day where you can't opem yo mouf widout a song jumpin right out of it!



Uncle Remus: Miss Sally, Johnny didn't mean no harm. He was just tryin' to be like Brer Rabbit

How is your best friend?

Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?

19) Muslims do not believe in the concept of "vicarious atonement" but rather believe in the law of personal responsibility. Islam teaches that each person is responsible for his or her own actions. On the Day of Judgment Muslims believe that every person will be resurrected and will have to answer to God for their every word, thought, and deed. Consequently, a practicing Muslim is always striving to be righteous.

20) Islam was not spread by the sword. It was spread by the word (Islamic teachings) and the example of its followers. Islam teaches that there is no compulsion in religion (the Holy Qur'an 2:256 and 10:99).

21) Terrorism, unjustified violence and the killing of innocent people are absolutely forbidden in Islam. Islam is a way of life that is meant to bring peace to a society, whether its people are Muslim or not. The extreme actions of those who claim to be Muslim may be, among other things, a result of their ignorance or uncontrolled anger. Tyrant rulers and those who commit acts of terrorism in the name of Islam are simply not following Islam. These people are individuals with their own views and political agendas. Fanatical Muslims are no more representative of the true Islamic teachings than Timothy McVeigh or David Koresh are of Christianity. Extremism and fanaticism is a problem that is common to all religious groups. Anyone who thinks that all Muslims are terrorists should remember that the famous boxer Muhammad Ali, perhaps the most celebrated person of our era, is a practicing Muslim.

7. Islam promotes "jihad" to spread Islam by the sword and kill all unbelievers
The word Jihad stems from an Arabic word which means "to strive." Other related words include "effort," "labor," and "fatigue." Essentially Jihad is an effort to practice religion in the face of oppression and persecution. The effort may come in fighting the evil in your own heart, or in standing up to a dictator. Military effort is included as an option, but as a last resort and not "to spread Islam by the sword."

8. The Quran was written by Muhammad and copied from Christian and Jewish sources
The Qur'an was revealed to the Prophet Muhammad over a period of two decades, calling people to worship One Almighty God and to live their lives according to this faith. The Qur'an contains stories of Biblical prophets, because these prophets also preached the message of God. Stories are not merely copied, but the oral traditions are referred to in a way that focuses on the examples and teachings that we can learn from them.

9. Islamic prayer is just a ritualized performance with no heartfelt meaning
Prayer is a time to stand before God and express faith, give thanks for blessings, and seek guidance and forgiveness. During Islamic prayer, one is modest, submissive and respectful to God. By bowing and prostrating ourselves to the ground, we express our utmost humility before the Almighty.

10. The crescent moon is a universal symbol of Islam
The early Muslim community did not really have a symbol. During the time of the Prophet Muhammad, Islamic caravans and armies flew simple solid-colored flags (generally black, green, or white) for identification purposes. The crescent moon and star symbol actually pre-dates Islam by several thousand years, and wasn't affiliated with Islam at all until the Ottoman Empire placed it on their flag.

first

In the Song Dynasty there was a Grand Commander who spoiled his children. One day he came home and saw his son kneeling on the snow covered ground without a coat on. Having asked his son the reasons for such behavior, he disoovered that his own mother was punishing her grandson for a wrong-doing. He then took off his own coat, and ordering the servants to tie him up, knelt down on the snow covered ground beside his son.

His mother hearing about this went to ask him what the matter was.

"You're making my son suffer and catch cold. So now I'll make your son suffer and catch cold. too!" said the Grand Commander.

super troopers

Thorny: Who wants a moustache ride?
German Woman: I do, I do!
German Man: Oooh, I vant von too!

Whenever you hear a man prating about the Constitution, spot him as a traitor.
Remark made by Johnson as military Governor of Tennessee, as quoted in A Reveiw of the Political Conflict in America (1876) by Alexander Harris


There are no good laws but such as repeal other laws.
Statement (1835), as quoted in Andrew Johnson, Plebeian and Patriot (1928) by Robert Watson Winston

Civil War Era Humor

GREY UNIFORM... After the war a former Confederate officer, who violated the city ordinance against wearing a grey uniform in public, was arrested and put in jail. He broke the law because he did not own another suit. A former Union Officer asked for and received permission from the sheriff to share the cell; remaining there until public opinion forced the one time Rebel's release with repeal of the law.

Theory Of A Deadman
Bad Girlfriend


My Girlfriend's a dick magnet
My Girlfriend got a have it
She's hot, can't stop, up on stage, doing shots,
Tip the man he'll ring the bell, get her drunk she'll scream like hell
Dirty girl, gettin' down, dance with guys from outta town
Grab her ass, actin' tough
Mess with her, she'll fuck you up
No one really knows if she's drunk or if she's stoned,
But she's comin' back to my place tonight

She likes to shake her ass she grinds it to the beat
She likes to pull my hair when I make her grind her teeth
I like to strip her down she's naughty till the end
You know what she is, no doubt about it
She's a bad, bad girlfriend

Red thong, party's on,
Love this song, sing along
Come together, leave alone, see you later back at home
No one really knows if she's drunk or if she's stoned
But she's coming back to my place tonight. I say
No one really knows just how far she's gonna go,
But I'm gonna find out later tonight.

She likes to shake her ass she grinds it to the beat
She likes to pull my hair when I make her grind her teeth
I like to strip her down she's naughty till the end
You know what she is, no doubt about it
She's a bad, bad girlfriend

Doesn't take her long to make things right
But does it make her wrong to have the time of her life?
The time of her life

(My girlfriend's a dick magnet My girlfriend's gotta have it)

She's a gold digger now you figure out it's over, pull the trigger
Futures finished, there it went, savings gone
The money spent

I look around and all I see is, no good, bad and ugly
Man she's hot and fixed to be, the future
Ex-Miss Connolly!

She likes to shake her ass she grinds it to the beat
She likes to pull my hair when I make her grind her teeth
I like to strip her down she's naughty till the end
You know what she is, no doubt about it
She's a bad, bad girlfriend

She's a bad, bad girlfriend
She's a bad, bad girlfriend

Ford Fairlane:
Keith Richards is rolling over in her grave. The frigin' guy isn't even dead yet!
-----
Ford Fairlane:
They write about cases like these in the private eye handbook, honey. Something about a ten foot pole.
-----
Ford Fairlane:
So many a**holes, so few bullets.
-----
Ford Fairlane:
Write down my number, it's 555-6321, got it?
A woman:
Yeah. Wait a minute, 5-5-5's not a real number, they only use that in the movies.
Ford Fairlane:
No sh**, honey. What do you think this is, real life?
-----
Ford Fairlane:
Have a Twinkee, snapperhead.
-----
Ford Fairlane:
I've heard cats fu** with more harmony than this kid.
-----
Girl:
Ford, we just needed to be held!
Ford Fairlane:
You got the bonus plan.
-----
Ford Fairlane:
I'm so terrifical, I even had my own toll-free number: 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE.
-----
Ford Fairlane:
Nice tie, Lt. Anus, sir.
Lt. Amos:
Are you calling me an a**hole, a**hole?
Ford Fairlane:
I'm calling you an anus, anus. But, if you prefer.
-----
Ford Fairlane:
Now you pay . . . it's called Citizen's Castration.
-----
Ford Fairlane:
Top of the world, ma!
-----
Tourist:
We're from Wisconsin.
Ford Fairlane:
Yeah, and I'm from my dad's penis. Get outta here.
-----
Johnny Crunch:
Guys like you, you do grow on trees.
-----
Ford Fairlane:
Shake me, Jazz.
-----
Ford Fairlane:
You're just in time to see what I refer to as: solving the case. It's cute. I think you'll like it

Too Hungry to Fight for Their Rights

Reality: Bombarded with images of poor people as weak and hungry, we lose sight of the obvious: for those with few resources, mere survival requires tremendous effort. If the poor were truly passive, few of them could even survive. Around the world, from the Zapatistas in Chiapas, Mexico, to the farmers' movement in India, wherever people are suffering needlessly, movements for change are underway. People will feed themselves, if allowed to do so. It's not our job to 'set things right' for others. Our responsibility is to remove the obstacles in their paths, obstacles often created by large corporations and U.S. government, World Bank and IMF policies.

According to Time magazine, there is a common misconception among Americans that Abraham Lincoln freed the American slaves with the Emancipation Proclamation of January 1863. The Proclamation did not cover the 800,000 slaves in the slave-holding border states of Missouri, Kentucky, West Virginia, Maryland or Delaware, pertaining only to areas within rebelling states that were not under Union control. Since those states did not recognize the power of the federal government, most slaves were not immediately freed as a direct result of the Proclamation. Regions in the South that were under Confederate control when the Proclamation was issued ignored its dictum, so slave ownership persisted until Union troops captured further Southern territory. Immediately affected regions were Tennessee, southern Louisiana, and parts of Virginia. It was only with the adoption of the Thirteenth Amendment in 1865 that slavery was officially abolished in all of the United States. Thirty-six of the United States recognize June 19 as a holiday, Juneteenth, celebrating the anniversary of the day the abolition of slavery was announced in Texas in 1865.

Ways To Know You Are In Love
The most common but most important feeling is the indescribable butterflies in your stomach.
When you can’t stop thinking about the person despite all your efforts, you may be in love. When the mention of the name is enough to bring a smile to your face, then you may have fallen in love.
When you start caring for the person more than you even care for yourself. However, there is a very thin line between caring about a person and actually loving a person. So interpret the feelings before you express your love.
One sure-fire factor is that you care for him/her like a family or even more than a family and you feel happy when your partner is happy. Actually, love is feeling of oneness and when you start enjoying the joys of your partner, you should know you are in love.
You feel corny and you can talk to him/her endlessly without getting bored. When it is just a crush, you would get bored after a while. In addition, when you are in love, you would remember even silly things about your partner.
When you are in love, you feel fiercely protective about your partner and you feel proud of them.
It is truly said that when you are in love, you have no eye for anyone other than each other. If you don’t even mind general PDA that is public display of affection like holding hands etc, then you may surely be in love.
If you feel, you can do anything or everything for him/her than you may be in love.
If you accept your partner as he/she is and doesn’t wish any change in him/her and even a gross habit doesn’t disgust you, then you surely may be in love.
If you just play online love quiz and read his/her horoscope, then you may be in love. When your heart skips a beat every time you see him/her you may have fallen in love.
When you can just walk ten blocks to just see him/her, then you may surely be in love. When he/she is the first person, you search in a party or a gathering and after you have seen him/her a warm feeling fills your heart and you feel safe and happy, there is something really happening.
When he/she is the first thing in your mind when you wake up and the last thing when you go for sleep.
When even after a hectic schedule and a bad day at work, a glimpse of him/her can make your forget about all the bad things that had happened to you that day.

In May 1976, Congressman Wayne Hays' career was ended by a woman scorned.
Elizabeth Ray was the beautiful young southern belle Hays had hired to be a secretary, but all she really had to do was make herself available to the Democratic representative from Ohio. The couple carried on an affair for about 2 years before Ray grew angry. Hays had left his wife in 1975 and ended up marrying a secretary from his home office in Ohio in '76. Ray wasn't angry because Hays married another woman. She was angry because she didn't get an invitation.

"I was good enough to be his mistress for two years but not good enough to be invited to his wedding," she said.

Ray sought out reporters from the Washington Post and told them everything. She even let them listen to phone calls between her and Hays and allowed them to follow her to dinner meetings with the congressman. When the Post broke the story, they had the goods and Hays knew it.

Hays issued a rare public apology from the House floor and eventually resigned from Congress Sept. 1, 1976.

No One Wants to Skinny Dip With Jon Grunseth

After securing the Independent-Republican nomination for governor of Minnesota in 1990, hard-line conservative Jon Grunseth was facing a tough contest from incumbent Democrat Rudy Perpich.

That contest was quickly nullified on October 15, 1990, when voters found out that during a party in 1981, Grunseth had invited 4 teenage girls to go skinny dipping with him. The kicker? One of the girls was his adopted daughter, and the other three were her friends, one of whom accused Grunseth of trying to grab her breast. Yuck.

Grunseth in 2008, in his Australian cherry orchard. (From freshplaza.com)
It also didn't help matters when people found out Grunseth had been caryying on an on-again-off-again relationship with a woman who he was seeing through two separate marriages from 1980-'89.

Grunseth's party turned to his primary opponent, Arne Carlson, who went on to win the election.

Grunseth soon moved to Australia, where he apparently grows cherries to this day, which sounds far more pleasant than being a disgraced Republican politician in Minnesota.

54. "The glow of one warm thought is to me worth more than money." - Thomas Jefferson


55. "Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work." - Robert Orben

11. "What difference does it make how much you have? What you do not have amounts to much more." - Seneca