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#1218786 2015-06-19 8:31 AM
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Pariah Offline OP
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So, I'm apparently going to have this very unexpected life-changing event soon. I'm obviously very flabbergasted by the life-changiness of it all (nervous, anxious, etc). I'm really weirded out though because it doesn't feel as though it should be all that earth-shaking--and NO! It's not a baby.

For perspextive, can you guys tell me what your most life-changing events were?

Also, if it's having kids, then please list your secondary events. Anything that doesn't involve procreation.

Pariah #1218787 2015-06-19 10:23 AM
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Wednesday morning my mom called me when I got to work and said my dad died in his sleep. He had bad health...diabetes, anxiety, sleep apnea, depression. And he was always so tired, but the man always had a smile on his face. We just figured he'd have a few more years left in him. I just spent last Saturday taking him car shopping and it was the first time in years we went to breakfast together. My brother is taking it especially hard since they worked together and he still lived in my parents house. I'd go to him a lot for advice or when I needed to vent about shit happening in my life, and he'd always just listen, offer advice and tell me how much he loves me. I constantly hear his voice in my head saying "I love you ol' buddy ol' pal". I can honestly say my life will never be the same.

Stupid Doog #1218788 2015-06-19 12:29 PM
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My wife and I moving into our own place. She wasn't my wife at the time.

I got married.

I dropped acid in High School.

Pariah #1218789 2015-06-19 1:15 PM
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 Originally Posted By: Pariah
So, I'm apparently going to have this very unexpected life-changing event soon. I'm obviously very flabbergasted by the life-changiness of it all (nervous, anxious, etc). I'm really weirded out though because it doesn't feel as though it should be all that earth-shaking--and NO! It's not a baby.

For perspextive, can you guys tell me what your most life-changing events were?

Also, if it's having kids, then please list your secondary events. Anything that doesn't involve procreation.


Listen, Bruce Jenner seems to be doing well with it. The public is accepting. There's no way for us to think that you're any weirder than we already do. Go ahead and start that hormone therapy. You'll finally be happy.


whomod said: I generally don't like it when people decide to play by the rules against people who don't play by the rules.
It tends to put you immediately at a disadvantage and IMO is a sign of true weakness.
This is true both in politics and on the internet."

Our Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man said: "no, the doctor's right. besides, he has seniority."
thedoctor #1218790 2015-06-19 9:37 PM
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Dang! Doc beat me to it.


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Now that I'm not at work, I can give a more serious answer.

The most recent game changer for me was almost three years ago. As those of you that know me on Facebook know that my father passed away in September of '12. Up to and even past that point there had been a lot of our family dying. Some of my father's generation and the few of the previous that were still around. My brother and I realized that my father had known that his time was coming and had been preparing us for what to do for at least a year leading up to his death. Still, it all came down to the fact that it was my brother and I who had to make the call to cut off the ventilator. In the simplest terms he died because of complications due to cancer. Fast forward to January '13, and my mother tells us that she has cancer. She's been in chemo since and is still with us; but she'll never be the same. And it's pretty well changed my brother and me as a result.


whomod said: I generally don't like it when people decide to play by the rules against people who don't play by the rules.
It tends to put you immediately at a disadvantage and IMO is a sign of true weakness.
This is true both in politics and on the internet."

Our Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man said: "no, the doctor's right. besides, he has seniority."
thedoctor #1218794 2015-06-22 5:34 AM
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 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
So, I'm apparently going to have this very unexpected life-changing event soon. I'm obviously very flabbergasted by the life-changiness of it all (nervous, anxious, etc). I'm really weirded out though because it doesn't feel as though it should be all that earth-shaking--and NO! It's not a baby.

For perspextive, can you guys tell me what your most life-changing events were?

Also, if it's having kids, then please list your secondary events. Anything that doesn't involve procreation.


Listen, Bruce Jenner seems to be doing well with it. The public is accepting. There's no way for us to think that you're any weirder than we already do. Go ahead and start that hormone therapy. You'll finally be happy.



Ha!

More seriously... I got diagnosed with cyclothymia earlier this year. Hardly debilitating, but the six-eight week cyclical downers were not super pleasant for family and colleagues.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia

I don't mind saying I wasn't happy with the diagnosis. Knowing that my brain chemistry was out of whack, probably from the very significant stress of my job, isn't air-punching news. I wasn't pleased that the solution required a change in behaviour, or a reliance on a drug, in circumstances where I figured I could soldier on. It required a great deal of thinking. I decided that even though I wasn't happy with it, my preference to persist with my current state of affairs had to take one for the team.

Otherwise, grief - manifesting for me primarily as death and divorce. In both cases I have learned that it usually pops up as a big deal a year later once it has time to gel as a concept, triggered by something unrelated.


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Stupid Doog #1218795 2015-06-22 5:35 AM
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 Originally Posted By: Stupid Doog
Wednesday morning my mom called me when I got to work and said my dad died in his sleep. He had bad health...diabetes, anxiety, sleep apnea, depression. And he was always so tired, but the man always had a smile on his face. We just figured he'd have a few more years left in him. I just spent last Saturday taking him car shopping and it was the first time in years we went to breakfast together. My brother is taking it especially hard since they worked together and he still lived in my parents house. I'd go to him a lot for advice or when I needed to vent about shit happening in my life, and he'd always just listen, offer advice and tell me how much he loves me. I constantly hear his voice in my head saying "I love you ol' buddy ol' pal". I can honestly say my life will never be the same.


...hey, man. Really sorry to hear that.


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interestingly enough today is nine years to the day since my dad passed very unexpectedly. any of you who know me on facebook have heard this story several times, but we're fairly certain he had an adverse reaction to something they gave him while he was under observation for kidneystones. less than an hour from going home from the clinic he collapsed. they revived him once, but then he flatlined completely after a massive pulmonary thrombosis. his lungs were riddled with blood clots no one had an explanation for; the clinic staff more or less ambushed my mother with paperwork within the hour and she unknowingly gave them permission to do their own autopsy. needless to say, there were quite a few inconsistencies in the report, and despite having one of the best malpractice firms in ohio on retainer they couldn't dig up enough to push for a settlement.

I'm still angry about it sometimes, but I realize holding onto bitterness doesn't really accomplish anything. but yeah, there was my life before that happened, and there's my life since then. it's getting better, but I can tell you no two people handle life-changing stuff of that magnitude the exact same way, and there are very few 'wrong' ways to respond to it. ultimately I don't think there's a reason we go through these things, but I believe there's a reason we survive them - because you never know when someone else will be blindsided by something surprisingly similar and won't know where to turn.

dooglas, I'm sorry to hear about your dad. if you ever need to vent or unload let me know.


go.

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I wanted to wait a little longer and get more responses, but I'm not certain when I'll be able to use a computer again this week.

I haven't lost anyone. And that's probably more significant in terms of change than what I'm dealing with right now. I have some perspective now, but I'm still feeling pretty shitty and uncertain of the future. Some background....

Over the past several days, I've gotten into multiple shouting matches with my superiors. Their tendency towards playing political fuck-fuck games, wasting time and resources on CYA, and constantly writing up new self-conflicting policies--that seem to materialize on a bi-monthly basis--has inexorably put the enlisted command staff (of which I am technically a part of) in direct competition with the commissioned officers. While the issue of enlisted and lower-enlisted being able to complete a delegated task within a given set of environmental constraints and numerous executive constraints in a timely manner is an age-old topic that existed long before my military career, from my position it has achieved such amazing levels of stupid that I am on the verge of a peptic ulcer-migraine combo.

Above all else, I understand that these problems are not necessarily the fault of the people on our level, and more likely the friction is caused primarily by the rules being foisted upon our unit (and everyone else) by the chain of command at least five echelons above us. That being said, the command staff's blind, zombie-like obedience to these nonsensical and DOWNRIGHT-FUCKING-DESTRUCTIVE policies is demoralizing. The higher enlisted would never outright state that the Brigade policy is fucking stupid (at least not in so many words) to the OICs (Officer in Charge) or the Battalion Commander, but we would be remiss not to state the deficiencies incurred upon the mission by policy. Unfortunately, no matter how often or how subtly we try to make these points to the brass, they're very politely (i.e. passive aggressively) thrown back in our faces with the implicit claim that we're making up excuses for our own incompetence (all of my assignments prior to this one at least had the grace to admit they're being bent over a barrel by the people above them, but not these fuckers. It doesn't necessarily help to be told that you're a casualty of out-of-touch hierarchies, but it at least lets you know that the people you're working with are on the same wavelength).

Apparently, when you're in for at least 15-20 years, it's easy enough to be talked down to by people for whom you have no reverence because you don't take anything they say seriously, and as such my team doesn't really care anymore about whether or not the highers understand the problem. However, because I am the only one of four enlisted, and two prior-enlisted officers, who's been in for less than ten years, this crap has affected me a lot more than it has them. I could not stop myself from being angry at, essentially, everything, and of course I should have known it was going to get me in trouble since I have to talk to everyone--which doesn't even make any FUCKING sense because I'm an E-5 promotable, not even a staff sergeant (at company level, you never have to put up with that kind of breakdown in the chain of command).

Long story short because I don't want to dwell on it anymore: a section OIC (I call him Captain Fuckface) goaded me into an argument within earshot of the Battalion Commander who jumped on me for essentially quoting army regulations to Fuckface in response to his ridiculous demands of my section. In what seemed like an act born of pure spite, the BC spoke directly to my de-facto NCOIC (Non-Commission Officer in Charge) on behalf of fuckface (technically, I'm an NCOIC of my own section, so she's not officially within my immediate chain of command). Suffice it to say, this motivated her to hold some water for the senior command staff and go outside of her lane to lecture me in a semi-public forum on being "lawyerly" and inflexible. I didn't want to fight with her because I actually like her a lot, but I wasn't in a mood for that crap and so I dragged us both into an admittedly unprofessional shout-fest. People definitely overheard this spat, and now the word is that I might be a misogynist and subject to SHARP (Sexual Harassment Prevention) investigation. I do not believe for a moment that she would make such a charge herself and I'm still on good terms with the lower-enlisted, so I can only guess it's the command staff spreading that little rumor around. To top it off, I inadvertently made a fool of the sergeant major in front of a general with a presentation I put together for the BUB (Battalion Update Brief). I don't like the man; he's a total asshole and premier example of nepotism and charlatanry, but had I known that I was about to draw out his idiocy into the public so unprofessionally, I would have adjusted fire and made sure my material synched with his so there would be no discrepancies. He is now, most certainly, gunning for me.


My term ends in January. I was 95% certain of reenlistment until this months-long episode occurred. Aside from the fact that my leadership is sure to threaten my eligibility for re-up, I'm not sure I want to put up with this anymore. The alternative to staying, however, will be the first time I've ever actually struck out on my own in the superlative sense. The better part of a decade ago, I moved out of my parents house to live on my own only to decide it would be more prudent to join the army, so I've never really had any true alone time. I've qualified for base housing in the past, but rent was taken out of my paycheck; I never really had to worry about housing in the budgetary sense. I have two degrees, but I haven't actually used them, so my resume is going to look sketchy.

I'm in California at the moment, but I don't really want to stay here since it's so expensive (plus I hate it here). So I have to figure out where would be the best place to go and what I'm going to do when I get there. I'm really thrown for a loop right since I wasn't going to start this process until I approached the fifteen year point. Now I'm kinda fucked.

Pariah #1218803 2015-06-23 2:00 AM
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I would think the first thing to do is just make sure you don't get yourself court-martialed or dishonorably discharged. That's when you're really fucked.

Assuming there's no danger of either of the above:

What is your military specialty? What sort of skills did you learn that could go into the real world? S/A with your degrees?

If You have an idea of what you wanted to do that might help guide to where you should go geographically.

the G-man #1218810 2015-06-23 3:46 AM
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No, nothing that serious. Just 'keep me from getting re-enlisted' serious.

I'm in the Signal Core. Over the years I've been required to get some IT certifications along with a security clearance. Assuming I stayed in long enough, I was gonna shoot for an Ethical Hacking position (you need to be at least an E-6 to apply for an anti-cyber terrorism MOS).

The degrees are science and engineering based.


Anyway, I'm sure I'll pull through. I'm just really demoralized that this turned out to be that earth-shaking, life-changer moment at this point in time.

Pariah #1218925 2015-06-26 3:21 AM
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 Quote:

outside of her lane to lecture me in a semi-public forum on being "lawyerly"


Oh dear.

Prime contractors love ex-military. The people I dealt with at my anonymous client based in Arizona are almost all ex-USAF. And the primes are all investing heavily in cybersecurity. I follow Thales, LMCO, BAE systems, Raytheon and others on LinkedIn. The flashy videos show missile live fires. The boring articles are all about IT.

I looked into getting security clearance with a prime sponsoring me for it a few years ago because the prime was feeding me all manner of classified information (classified to the RAAF, that is). Pain in the arse. Notes of who you meet with, why, preferably with someone else in tow to evidence probity, and no visits to certain countries. Blah. I wanted to go to Damascus on a holiday before Assad screwed the pooch and that is now obviously out of the question, but I wouldn't have been able to even contemplate it if I had clearance.

But it does give you amazing entrée into private sector jobs. You'd get a well-paid job here in a blink as a trainee patent attorney because only three patent attorneys in Australia have security clearance to be able to file military patents. I assume something similar happens in the US.


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Pariah was baited into making a fool out of himself (it's cool, Pariah, you do it here all the time), and now he's afraid of losing his gov job and having to find work in the private sector.

Boy, am I surprised.



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MisterJLA #1218940 2015-06-27 2:10 AM
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\:lol\:

iggy #1218960 2015-06-29 3:29 AM
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Heh. Sorry but that is kind of funny.


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Do you guys think I've been in the military my entire life?


Anyway, something really funny just happened to my chain of command. Lets just say bad for them, good for the unit, and REALLY good for me.

Unfortunately, I now have a surprise three week FTX on top of the one I just had; convoy in the morning. Life is bittersweet sometimes.

 Originally Posted By: First Amongst Daves

Oh dear.

Prime contractors love ex-military. The people I dealt with at my anonymous client based in Arizona are almost all ex-USAF. And the primes are all investing heavily in cybersecurity. I follow Thales, LMCO, BAE systems, Raytheon and others on LinkedIn. The flashy videos show missile live fires. The boring articles are all about IT.

I looked into getting security clearance with a prime sponsoring me for it a few years ago because the prime was feeding me all manner of classified information (classified to the RAAF, that is). Pain in the arse. Notes of who you meet with, why, preferably with someone else in tow to evidence probity, and no visits to certain countries. Blah. I wanted to go to Damascus on a holiday before Assad screwed the pooch and that is now obviously out of the question, but I wouldn't have been able to even contemplate it if I had clearance.

But it does give you amazing entrée into private sector jobs. You'd get a well-paid job here in a blink as a trainee patent attorney because only three patent attorneys in Australia have security clearance to be able to file military patents. I assume something similar happens in the US.


Thales offered me a job three years ago actually, in a semi-enlisted capacity. I was tempted to take it, but they apparently wanted me to fly to and from Kuwait multiple times. But I really don't want to go back there if I can help it. Plus, the unit I was with at the time was already drawing deployment, so I didn't want to miss the opportunity.

I have a friend in Exelis who said they could use me if ever I decided to leave. I'd rather work for Harris since they're larger, have more interesting equipment to work with, and go more places. However, I'm very familiar with Exelis products, so I'd be better prepped for the job (plus, Exelis is mostly CONUS whereas most of the active Harris sites are OCONUS).

Going contractor though is a big controversy for me. They're paid absolutely disgusting wages for doing a disproportionately small amount of work. They'll argue with me to the death how untrue that is, but they're in a poor position to deny their laziness when I've actually seen them in action so often.

I've been working signal and all manner of other technical jobs for so long that I'm rather restless. I'm pretty much not at risk of losing my job anymore, but since I've been preparing for the event of a discharge over the past few weeks, I'm having second thoughts about staying on the course that I have been. Right now, I'm think security might be more fulfilling.


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