7. John Cena vs. “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt in a Firefly Funhouse match.
Cena appeared on the Firefly Funhouse set, but Wyatt was gone. Ramblin’ Rabbit told Cena that Wyatt went through the door. Cena entered and closed the door. The camera followed him into the darkened area. The Vince McMahon puppet showed up and asked Vince if he had enough ruthless aggression to sacrifice his mind, body, and soul to be a success in the company. The puppet said show me or you’re fired.
They cut to Wyatt in the ring issuing and open challenge while clips of Kurt Angle doing the same for Cena’s first match were shown. Cena came out in his old gear with his new hair. Wyatt asked why he thought he could hang with him. Cena said ruthless aggression and then swung and missed. They did this several times with Wyatt ducking the punch and taunting him.
They showed Mercy the Buzzard and the Vince puppet at a broadcast table and then the old Saturday Night’s Main Event opening aired. Wyatt stood behind an old school WWF cage and in front of a Saturday Night’s Main Event backdrop. Wyatt impersonated Hulk Hogan while introducing Cena as his partner.
Up next, was Cena doing his Thuganomics entrance. Cena entered the ring where sweater Wyatt was waiting. Cena rhymed as he spoke and then said he got the joke that he could only speak in rhyme. He made a Husky Harris joke. Wyatt just nodded at Cena’s jokes.
“How dare you talk to me about chances, John?” Wyatt asked. He called Cena the golden goose and said he’s untouchable. Wyatt said Cena takes the weaknesses of others and turns them into jokes. Wyatt told him this was his last chance and the floor was his. Cena made a deez nuts joke and charged at Wyatt, who teleported to the middle of the ring and then punched Cena.
It was time for old school Wyatt from his main roster introductory vignettes. He spoke of fulfilling the prophecy and implied that Cena ruined it. He said it’s time for him to write his own story. “Run,” Wyatt said. Wyatt charged at Cena in the corner and clotheslined him, then kissed him and went for Sister Abigail, but Cena shoved him away. “We both know that’s not enough to end it, Superman,” Wyatt said. Wyatt dropped to his knees and said Cena made the wrong choice six years ago. Footage of Wyatt doing the same during their WrestleMania match was shown. Cena swung a chair at Wyatt, who disappeared.
A WCW Nitro graphic appeared. Old footage of NWO Eric Bischoff flashed. Wyatt appeared in the middle of the ring and impersonated Bischoff while wearing an NWO red and black shirt. Cena came out in an NWO shirt and played the role of Hollywood Hogan. They did the too sweet hand gesture. Cena tackled Wyatt and threw punches at him until he was throwing punches at Huskus the pig puppet.
The Fiend appeared behind Cena and put him in the Mandible Claw. Wyatt held him up and the audio track of Cena’s last promo on Wyatt played. The Fiend put Cena down on the mat and reapplied the Mandible Claw. Sweater wearing Bray Wyatt counted the pin. The Fiend posed in the ring with his arms out.
Titus O’Neil was shown on the PC perch. He looked baffled and he said he didn’t know what he just saw… A Money in the Bank teaser video aired…
What Titus said. The Boneyard Match wasn’t for me, but I thought it was the spectacle that night one needed. The Firefly Funhouse was an acid trip with nostalgia. I imagine there are some viewers out there who were hoping to see an actual match between Cena and The Fiend and are now wondering what the hell they just saw. I enjoyed the Broken Universe, but I’m just not a fan of what its spawned.
8. Brock Lesnar (w/Paul Heyman) vs. Drew McIntyre for the WWE Championship.
Phillips and Saxton were on the call. Rome delivered in-ring introductions. McIntyre caught Lesnar with a Claymore Kick roughly 20 seconds into the match and got a near fall. The broadcast team said no one has ever kicked out of the Claymore. Heyman showed concern. McIntyre went for a second Claymore Kick, but Lesnar moved and then gave him a German suplex.
Lesnar gave McIntyre a second German suplex and then gave him an F5. Lesnar went for a cover, but McIntyre kicked out at one. Lesnar flashed a look of surprise. Lesnar hoisted up McIntyre and gave him another F5 and this time got a two count. Lesnar looked surprised, then got to his knees and smiled at McIntyre, who was struggling to get to the ropes.
Lesnar picked up McIntyre and gave him a third F5 and covered him for another two count. Lesnar yelled in frustration. Heyman told Lesnar to keeping doing it all night long because McIntyre couldn’t keep kicking out. Lesnar got up and McIntyre tried to use Lesnar to get to his feet. Lesnar laughed at him and asked if he wanted to do this. Lesnar set up for another F5, but McIntyre shoved him off and gave him a Claymore Kick. McIntyre followed up with another Claymore Kick. When Lesnar got to his knees, McIntyre hit another Claymore Kick and scored the pin…
Drew McIntyre defeated Brock Lesnar in 4:35 to win the WWE Championship.
McIntyre celebrated with the title belt while Lesnar remained on the mat. Heyman stood at ringside with a blank expression. McIntyre looked into the camera while kneeling in the ring and thanked the fans. McIntyre went to the ropes and let you a primal scream to close the show…
This was the feel good ending to that WrestleMania needed. I wish WWE would have done a better job on Raw of building up McIntyre over the last couple weeks, but it’s obviously a big deal to pin Lesnar clean at WrestleMania. Plus, McIntyre is a very good talker, so hopefully he can make up for whatever was lost by his big moment coming in an empty venue. There wasn’t much to the match and yet it told the story that it needed to by having McIntyre take Lesnar’s finisher a couple times and still come back to beat him.
